Original subtitles

[theme music]

NARRATOR: "Gunsmoke," starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

[SINGING] And Mrs. Pritchwood sang a ditty from her dear old

ditty bag, and every time she starts to sing,

me jowls begin to sag.

He, he.

All right, on your feet.

Hm, stand easy.

Well now, good thing I didn't catch

you boys playing for real money, seeing's you're on duty.

I'd have had to lock you all up in the stockade

for impersonating poker players.

He, he.

Oh yeah, I got here special order number 131.

And what it orders specially is for us

to go out and meet a train a few miles west of here.

Hey, is that the payroll train, for sure?

Well, I ain't supposed to tell you no more,

but I wouldn't be surprised you get paid on Monday morning.

[chuckling]

Oh, I just come from the uh, telegraph office and a train

running about three hours late, so we'll be leaving

here along about midnight.

Well does that mean we got to stay in here the whole time?

It does, Steckey?

Military's security.

Why, folks see you sashaying around all over town,

they'd get to speculating.

First thing you know, we'd have every gulch popping road agent

in the lower left-hand of Kansas a

following us out to that train trying to rob

us of our hard-won wages.

Hmph.

Now you just stay put and quiet, and I'll

keep my ear to the ground up to the Long Branch.

He he.

Keep his ear to the ground while he's got

his belly up against the bar.

How'd you like to see him do that?

[laughter]

[SINGING] We had our choice of going to the army or to jail,

so we puckered up our courage and bravely went away.

But we curse the day we marched way with that--

That's him-- if you can't see him, you can always hear him.

He is one big gringo.

Now these six bottles are for his troops,

and this one is for Sergeant Holly.

Six bottles for six troopers?

That's because them troopers is Sergeant

Emmett Holly's troopers, and they're

not his troopers for nothing.

Now, there's enough laudanum in those bottles to knock them out

and their horses.

now get going.

EMMET: [SINGING] -- fight the Indians there,

we were nearly snatched bald headed 'fore they--

Well howdy, Tom.

Hey, Festus.

Where's Marshal Big Fist?

If you're talking about Matthew Dillon, he ain't in town.

He's been over in Topeka for over a week.

Oh.

But if you're anti-pastin' any kind of trouble,

now, you can call on them horse army fellows you

got hid in the livery stable.

No trouble at all, Festus, especially with Big Fist

up in Topeka.

Maybe now I can get me a few minutes alone

there with Miss Kitty.

She's always hiding under Dillon's

jawbone like a chickadee under a toadstool, but tonight--

Tonight she ain't working.

She's over yonder at the church social.

This here's ladies night.

Now wouldn't that frost you non-commissioned follicles?

I finally get a chance to get next to her

and she's got to go get religion.

Now you listen here to me-- you go

over yonder trying to busting in and I'm

gonna have to take you in hand.

Now don't you worry none, I ain't

going to go around chasing after her-- you

ain't gonna have to fill your official capacity

on my account.

Fill what?

Your official capacity.

Figure mine at about four quarts,

give or take a couple of fingers, he he.

Ha ha.

Yeah, Sam?

SAM: Sarge?

Corn whiskey without the kernels.

Ha ha, ha!

Hey, Jeeter, Willis P., U.S. 4th Cavalry,

dishonestly discharged.

Good to see you again.

Sarge.

Huh, yeah, I'll bet.

Gentlemen, I'm opening a poker game over here

at this table for those of you who've

got more money than brains.

Get boots and saddles to the center table, ho!

Ha ha.

Gather round at your leisure now.

Thank you, Sam, ah.

Mm, oh yes, that does settle the dust and sand.

Now, I want all of you holders here

to understand if this is straight stud horse poker,

otherwise, known as Holly wins, me

being the only stud horse soldier

in this gaggle of game cocks.

Now we'll just riffle those cards in two

and give it a nice, deep cut.

Uh-huh, well let's see what we got down here,

all right, there we go.

[music playing]

[theme music]

There we are, seven for the whisky drummer

and for your humble servant, ha, ha, ha.

An ace, well now, as ye sow, so shall ye reap, gentlemen.

The offering will be $5.

[humming]

King, yes.

Oh, another seven for the whisky drummer, and now

those jacks and seven have got to beat my aces

unless, of course, this final card is-- wouldn't

that frost your eyeballs?

All the artillery hanging out there

in front of the spectators?

Did you catch that four face--

Uh, Boy, unless you have got money in the pot,

never put hand to the board.

You want in, Mister?

The ante's a dollar.

Yeah, I don't mind if I do.

Uh-huh.

No hard feelings on my [inaudible]

for you testifying against me at the court marshal.

No, I'll admit it, I ran.

I'm grateful to you for drumming me out.

You probably saved my life, Sarge.

Oh?

How do you mean?

WILLIS: Well, I kept track of the outfit,

kind of made me feel like part of it.

I heard you fought Quanah Parker at Canon Blanco right

after my court martial.

And the way I heard it, when those Comanches charged,

well, if I hadn't gone--

You'd have probably died in a cloud of dust.

Hey, Sal, hup.

Let me pour you a drink, Sarge.

Hey, you're leaning on my tent a little hard, Boy.

Why should I drink with the likes of you?

Why, because you're one of my heroes.

[laughs]

Well now that's a lie, and I'll sure drink to it.

Pour away.

Orally Pour away, my boy.

There we are, to slower Indians and faster carbines.

Oop, oh.

Whoa ho, Jeeter-- Jeeter, I'm gonna tell you one thing,

if you age half as bad as your whiskey,

you got about one month to live.

Whew, let's see what the offering is here.

[knocking]

[speaking spanish]

Hey, get out of here, the place is closed.

[speaking spanish]

Uh, I bring whiskey for you, compliments of Sergeant Holly.

[enthusiastic murmuring]

SOLDIER: Hey, how about that?

You know the Sarge, [inaudible].

[inaudible].

[speaking spanish]

[murmuring]

Oh, yes.

You know something, Jeeter?

I ought never to have left the U.S. Fourth Cavalry.

How'd it happen?

Oh, about the time I reupped, I got

myself all gee-flummoxed over this little gal

named Kitty Russell.

She runs this here place, yeah.

Aw, I'll tell you, whatever boot they poured that out's still

got somebody's foot in it.

I'll tell you one thing, though--

first thing Monday morning I'm-- I'm gonna tell Miss Russell

that either she can trundle her trough

off to Texas with me or she going to have

to get along without me.

Hm.

Oh, jungle and [inaudible] Sam, what

in the carboxylated hell fire and brimstone is that potion?

Why, that tastes like the essence of East Missouri stink.

I'm telling you, Sam, somebody soured the mash.

There've been no complaints I've heard of, Sergeant.

Yeah, well you just heard one now.

Heh.

Oh.

Oh, ten after the hour, oh, got-- got to ride.

Boots and saddles, ho!

Hup, haw.

-Uh-oh. -Yeah.

You know, I just might have misjudged you, Jeeter.

I mean, your feeling the loyalty to the outfit

and everything just proves you can't be all bad.

[laughs]

I hate to say it, but how's about if I rode

out with you on that detail?

Hey, don't you presume on my good nature, Boy.

Why, you think I'd let you ride the regimental colors?

You acted dishonorably and you are and were dishonored,

and by the book and by my own cyclometer,

I wouldn't let you ride on the limber of the Fort

Dodge latrine wagon.

Help--

[laughter]

EMMETT: Hey, [inaudible], left wheel, ho!

Hey Jeeter, that's my horse-- there, we going by my horse.

Carlos, bring his horse.

[grunting]

Have you lost what little mind you had left?

Will you stop [inaudible] and a [inaudible] me,

and you tell that Aztec to stand away from my [inaudible].

WILLIS: I'm just trying to keep you out of trouble.

The day I need help from the likes of you--

get away from my hor--

[grunting]

Here's the orders.

Si.

I got us three uniforms.

We need his coat for his stripes.

[grunting]

[hoofbeats]

[grunting]

Whew.

Steckey?

Steckey, Steckey, are you in there?

Hang on, that's [inaudible] Corporal Tuttle there.

Steckey?

Hey, Corporal Tuttle?

Corporal Tuttle, what are you doing here?

Don't come any closer, Holly, I don't

want to have to shoot you.

Ha!

What is the matter with you, Tuttle, are you drunk?

[click]

Don't come no closer, I'll shoot, and pleased to do it

after what you done.

And what was that?

I'll put you under military arrest.

Robbing the payroll, taking the wages out

of the pockets of your own men?

Payroll was robbed?

Huh, what time is it?

Where's that Corporal Steckey?

Hey, Steckey!

Here, you'll hurt yourself with this thing.

Who said I done the robbery?

Well, the train messenger, the one you shot.

I didn't shoot nobody and I didn't rob nobody.

Well, the train messenger said it

was you, in uniform with official orders

from Fort Dodge.

Orders?

Oh, Jeeter, why that dirty little skunk,

that's what he was after-- liked to poisoned me dead.

Lieutenant Mapes's got a note out for your arrest

for robbery and assault. You trying to tell me

somebody else did it?

That's right, and if I had the time,

I would kick your candle from here to the orderly room

for even thinking such a thing.

And that shave tail Mapes right along with you.

Steckey!

Over here, over here.

Hey, what's that?

Oh.

Jalup?

Jalup?

Where'd you get that?

Well, you know, uh, a Mexican man.

Jeeter's Aztec.

Hey Tuttle, you hear that?

You wait till Lieutenant Mapes hears

about you resisting arrest.

Come on.

Where's the rest of them?

[inaudible]

Whoa, [inaudible], whoa.

Hey.

Sergeant Holly.

Hey Doc, just the man I want to see.

Listen, I got some sick troopers in here.

Hey, take-- take a whiff of that stuff there.

Smells kind of funny.

Why, it's got laudanum in it.

Laudanum?

What?

That runkle-eyed snipe of a Jeeter Jaluped the lot of us,

robbed the payroll, stole my orders.

Here, take a look at that critter.

[coughs]

Here.

I got five more in there just like him.

I sure appreciate you-- you'd take care of them.

All right, you come on in here, too,

and I'll have a look at your head.

Oh, don't worry, there ain't nobody can hurt this head.

[knocking]

Who is it?

EMMETT: It's First Sergeant Emmett Holly, ma'am.

Oh, I wish you'd let me in, I've got a personal calamity.

It's a what?

EMMETT: It's a calamity.

Now that's the gospel truth.

Oh, evening, ma'am, ha, ha.

Oh.

Oh, now listen, I been drinking, but I ain't drunk.

Is that the calamity?

Oh no, no.

See, I been accused of robbing the Fort Dodge

payroll, that's what it is.

Come on in, Sergeant.

Hm.

And get-- get that horse out of here.

Well no, it'd be a dead giveaway

if I was to leave him outside.

Besides, he's housebroken.

Here, you just stand easy there, horse.

[chuckling]

Pour yourself a drink and tell me all about it.

--[chuckling] Oh, that's real smoky there.

Mm.

[humming] Now I do not deny that I

was derelict in my duty to stay sober and alert,

let them try me on that, yeah.

Let them arrest me, lock me up, take away my severance,

but to accuse me of turning on my own,

that's going beyond beyond.

Uh, would you uh-- w-why the mason jars?

Well, d-did you notice the reluctant manner

in which that whiskey left that there bottle?

Glug, glug, bubble, glug--

Well, all you have to do is just tip it over more.

Wait, look, big, wide, smooth mouth like that,

you get a good flow.

Mm.

You sure do.

See?

Comes in very handy on a hot afternoon--

Yeah.

-- when them red Indians is shooting at you,

well, I mean a man's sippin' time is severely limited, see?

Now, I can get about a pint of that down there and working

before your average red Indian [coughs]

can thread up another arrow. [chuckling] Yes,

it's very useful.

You know, I don't know why the Army has lost

all that kind of faith in me.

Why don't you let Matt Dillon bring Jeeter in?

Yeah, well I know where he is-- hm, Blister Canyon.

Leastwise I remember he used to have a place up there somehow.

Mm, well I know what that is, it's about uh,

40 miles south of there.

I still think you should let Matt bring him in.

No, see, he's not here and Jeeter's already halfway there,

so I can't take the chance.

You know how Big Fist is, I mean, if it ain't legal,

hit it.

Hm, oh, now you know better than that.

How you fixed for cash?

When Jeeter took my jacket, he got all my money.

I mean, you got about a hundred dollars you could let me have

till I get back?

I mean, I'm gonna need some grub and such like.

You know, I'm not really sure I should be doing this.

--[chuckling] Here, Private Horse, ladies first.

Ah, oh me.

Hey.

You know, I'm gonna have to tell Matt about this.

Oh really?

Why's that?

I mean, I tell you something, he ain't-- he

ain't gonna like it at all.

Why isn't he going to like it?

Well, I mean, you know, an eligible bachelor like me?

Ha, you know Big Fist, he'd just have

to throw a-a jealous fit, huh?

[chuckling] Hey, come on, Private Horse.

Hiyah!

Sergeant Holly riding out?

He should have let me have a look at his head first.

I think you should have a look at my head,

Doc-- I let him have the money so he could ride out.

I ain't never heard such a twine bag

of pure-old-dee twaddle in all my born days.

Is this-- -Sound like you got trouble.

I have, Miss Kitty.

What's the matter?

Oh, it's that knot--headed lieutenant of them

horse people out yonder.

He's got one of them corporals that

got hisself all limber-legged, you know,

all limber-legged on that hooch down to the livery-- he's got

him a saying that he seen Sergeant

Holly a leading his horse in the Long Branch last night.

Now I;ll tell you something, he better start to making some

sense, or I'm gonna run him and that whole batch

of troopers out of Dodge on the short

end of a sawed-off shotgun.

Now, uh, I-I wouldn't do anything--

I know you wouldn't allow no horse-bringing in the Long

Branch, Miss Kitty, but he's a saying

that you was a hiding Sergeant Holly here on account of he's

a shoot on sight deserter from the Army.

Now wait a minute-- what do you mean, shoot on sight?

Well that's what they do to them there deserters,

Miss Kitty.

They'll put a reward on him and there'll

be bounty hunters after him.

Why, he ain't gonna have no more chance than a grasshopper

in the hen house.

I'll guarantee you, he ain't.

Oh, Sam.

I know, Miss Kitty, Sergeant Holly going on like that-- it's

just hard to believe.

It's real hard to believe.

That's why I let him in last night

and loaned him some money.

He needed money?

He didn't rob the train, Sam, a man by the name of Jeeter

did it.

You hitch up my buggy, I'm going after him.

Now, Miss Kitty--

I'd never forgive myself if I didn't.

What I should have done is I-- well,

I should have tried to talk him into giving himself up

last night.

Well don't you think you ought to tell Festus?

No, no, don't tell Festus, he'll just try and stop me.

But I do want you to tell Matt when he gets in tonight.

You tell him that I've gone to a place south of here

called Blister Canyon.

He'll know where it is.

Heh, whoa.

Here now, what in the Red Nations is that, huh?

Hey, Private Horse, ho!

Private Horse, looks like what we got here

is a petrified red aborigine who's pretending he ain't here.

Huh.

Private Horse, you know something?

I think maybe a little slosh of distilled spirits

might get a snort out of him.

Hey listen here, Chief, why don't you

try to be a little neighborly?

I mean, here I am sloshing your aperture with liquid spirits--

well, I seen that staring, catalyptic, stony face before.

Chow line, Regular Army O. I tell you something, Private

Horse, after 20 years in this brass-bound army,

I can tell you that this pitiful red wretch

is a former U.S. horse soldier.

[chuckling] He got into this pathetic condition

here from standing in long, stupefying lines

that had no rational origin-- didn't go no place

and produced nothing but sore feet.

[gunshot]

Hm?

Turn them out, boots and saddles, ho!

Heh.

[swallowing]

[coughing]

I'm good.

Hm, [chuckling].

Other three bad whiteys, you catch them, you kick him elbow.

Which way'd they go?

That way, sun there.

Here.

Good bad water whiskey burn tooth.

More?

Very doubtful.

What did those three do to you?

Kicking me in the elbow.

Oh.

Were you in the army?

Corporal Scout, Third Calvary.

Well, ha ha.

Me ride, ride, me see, me point finger.

When'd you leave?

When me fall off horse, all shoot out.

Well what are you doing here, just sitting?

Ain't no riding horse.

[laughs] Well, that's for sure.

Listen, Chief, I'd give you a ride,

but I just got this one horse here.

You just going to stay here?

All day, all night. Who knows?

Now listen, anybody comes by here asking which way I went,

uh, oh, [chuckling] you tell them that way, huh?

Heh, heh, yeah.

Hep, all right, Private Horse, hey, let's go, hiyah.

[non-english singing]

Jeeter.

Those high rocks out of town-- be there at noon sharp.

He's out of range.

Well, you know like they say, Private Horse,

we'll get the two in the bush. [chuckling].

You stand easy there, now.

All right fellows, get down, arms straight out.

[grunts]

Well, you fellows like it down there?

CHICO: Uh, no Senor.

Uh, I expect not.

Well, let's go in the shack, get acquainted,

maybe stretch out, huh?

[groaning]

Here, $4,140 even-- and you boys got

paid $2,500 apiece by Jeeter just an hour ago?

Por favor, we will tell you what you want to no.

Cut me down before my head blows up.

I don't understand how you boys cold spend $60 between here

and the front yard.

I-I-- we swear, we don't know where he is,

he's with some girl some place.

Unless, of course, Jeeter gave you a short count.

No, you're getting the truth, Sarge.

Tomorrow he's meeting us near Oblivion.

Where are these so-called "high rocks?"

It-it starts the north trail entering

Oblivion-- what's left of it.

Well, he's got a fresh horse and I ain't, so I'll

just wait for him at Oblivion.

Well, a ha, mm, I'll see you boys.

You boys behave yourselves now, you hear me?

Please, you would not believe the pain.

What?

Oh, don't you know people pay good money

to get hung up like that?

It does wonders for the hydraulic system.

Yeah, I'll tell the first marshal I run

into about your predicament.

Say, you can't leave us hanging like this.

Suppose that marshal don't find us-- what if snakes do?

Oh, I wouldn't worry none about them snakes, no.

Watch out for them bobcats, though, [chuckling].

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hello.

You there, hello?

You're not dead, are you?

[grunts]

Ain't no dead, Squaw.

Well what are you sitting there for?

Hm, break wagon come, make 'em wheels, do walking.

Well I'll give you a lift, I'm-- I'm going south.

Big horse soldier, whiskey man, him go there.

What you think?

I think you're lying.

Sergeant Holly's headed south.

Squaw right.

Little Bugle bad liar.

Were there any men ahead of him?

Three bad whiteys.

Ready go now, catch him whiskey man.

[non-english speech]

[screaming]

WILSON: Help us!

Anybody out there?

Help us.

[groaning]

Oh, Lady, you got a knife?

No.

Who are you?

Oh, something to cut me down?

Is your name Jeeter?

No, I never heard of him.

My name is Wilson, Now will you go get a knife?

Are these the men you saw on the trail?

Two of them-- bad whities-- kicking me in elbow.

Sergeant Holly's been here-- look.

Whiskey for soldier man-- him hung 'em up.

I skin 'em-- bad whiteys.

No, no.

Now there's a U.S. Marshal on his way here

and he'll take them to jail.

I just want you to watch them until he gets here.

[growls]

Lady, don't leave us here with this injun.

Now come on, you got a wagon, I heard it when you pulled up.

Now take us down to Oblivion with you.

Is that where Sergeant Holly is?

Yes.

Lady, that injun will kill us.

Oh, don't be silly.

Cut 'em down.

[growls]

Go on, go, come on, cut them down.

[groaning]

WILSON: No, no, my head!

[screaming]

[thump]

WILSON: No, don't.

[thump]

Good boy.

Ah.

All right horse, blow out you bag.

Ah.

[grunting]

Hey, where's the bartender so's a man

can get a drink around here?

Shut up, can't you see they're wrestling?

Bring that soldier boy here.

[grunting]

[chuckling]

Hm?

You beat me, you got a drink.

Well I'd just liefer pay for it,

my-my drinking elbow's kind of all flogged up.

Take hold, Soldier Boy.

And while we are wrestling, we can

talk about the train robbery.

Train robbery?

That kind of news travels fast, Soldier Boy.

We been sort of waiting for you.

Well, I don't know nothing in the world whatsoever

about no train robbery.

[grunting]

[laughter]

[grunting]

Let me have him.

[grunting]

Bring it here-- every last dollar.

My name is Pinero, and I am going to hand you your arm.

You are 24,000 short, Soldier Boy.

I want to know why.

Well, you know, it's kind of expensive traveling these days.

I mean, room rents is up and all that.

You know something?

You are a dead man.

[grunting]

You mean win or lose?

You're never getting up out of that chair.

You are going to die looking at me.

Well, I got to hand it to you, Pinero,

even if is my last handful, you-- you sure got character.

How you figure?

Well, I mean any man that would kill another man just

on principle, I mean, knowing in advance

he's going to give up thousands of dollars-- in this case,

about $24,000, heh, may be a little short on brains,

but just-- you just got to be just chock full of moral fiber.

The first next one word you say better

be plain and straight on, or you are dead on the second.

Where is that money?

-Jeeter. -What's a Jeeter?

It's not a what, it's a who.

He's my partner.

And he's burying the other 24,000

and gonna meet me at the North Rocks tomorrow.

North Rocks, I know where that is.

[murmuring]

Shut up!

But if he don't see me waiting for him alone tomorrow,

he's gonna start shooting and you're gonna have to kill him.

Then that payroll gonna rest in peace.

You're to worry not, just got some partners, some protection.

Ah, something I'm gonna have to explain to Jeeter.

You gotta figure out some way for me to meet him alone--

[inaudible].

-- else he's going to get spooked.

Meet him alone?

You expect me to trust you?

You know I ain't gonna cut out north of here,

army and the law waiting for us and all such as that.

So it figures that having your third-- half!

Oh yeah, half, that's what I meant, ha,

well, fr a place to hole up, that

seems like pretty fair dealing.

I still don't trust you.

MISS KITTY: Excuse me, is there a Sergeant Emmett Holly here?

[screams]

Here, here, what-- well now, you trust me here,

look at-- look at my security right here.

I want you to meet my brand new bride, that's

Mrs. Emmett Holly right there.

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

Oh, oh, she don't usually blush like this, but, oh, my.

Oh, my.

hmm.

Mrs. Emmett Holly?

Mrs. Emmet Holly?

Has a nice ring to it, don't it?

Oh!

Oh, I've never been so outraged in my whole life.

Now Miss Kitty, it ain't as though you was drug down

here against your free will.

I came down here to undo a wrong-- to correct a mistake--

my mistake.

Nobody's Perfect

My mistake was helping you in the first place.

And then you had to go and do it again.

Hm.

I'm gonna tell you something, Miss Kitty-- if you keep doing

this, you know, you gonna run into that temptation

all the time, the sin's gonna get the best part of you.

Oh, you're the most impossible old jackass

I've ever met in my life.

And if you think I'm going to spend the night with you

in this room, you're crazy!

Back here now, wait a minute.

If you don't, we're both going to be

widows inside of five minutes.

I'd rather be dead.

W-- here, here.

Open the door, you maniac.

EMMETT: Well, let go of the knob.

MISS KITTY: Ugh.

[groaning]

[laughter]

Miss Kitty?

Oh get out of my way.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Leave me alone.

Miss Kitty, wait.

[laughter]

[groans]

I'm so sorry.

Here, let me have a look.

No, no, you can't tell nothing by looking, gotta--

you gotta give it the text.

Did I do all that?

No, don't [inaudible] and don't you worry about a thing.

They've been standing in line, waiting

to give me some lumps on the head, but I got to find out.

Find out-- find out what?

If I got a fractured skull.

You see, what you do is, you pour a little of this whiskey

in the aperture and right away, one of two things

is going to happen.

Either you go into a kind of an agitated dance

until it stops hurting, or else you fall over stone

cold dead like a struck ox.

And then that's a for sure sign that you got a fractured skull.

You're drunk.

No, I remember one summer, the Mescaleros,

they coming into my camp and thunking

my soldier boys on the head like they was ripe melons.

And all them boys appreciated my whiskey test.

Those uh, has survived it, that is.

[chuckling]

Don't do that!

[pained screaming]

[laughter]

Oh, Miss Kitty, I do believe I'm gonna survive. [chuckling].

[crash]

[laughter]

Hey, hey, Holly is muy macho.

[laughter]

Oh, I'm sleeping over here by the door.

Oh, no, no now, Miss Kitty.

I think-- I think you ought to have the bed.

Look, you may not have a cracked skull,

but you sure have a cracked brain,

and I want to get as much distance between us

as can be arranged.

Well, if that's how you feel about it, but ha,

does seem like a terrible waste of unavoidable circumstances.

[chuckling]

Good night, Sergeant Holly.

I um, I suppose you had to tell them that I was your wife?

Oh, no.

I could have said you was my mother.

[chuckling]

Oh, you're impossible.

FESTUS: Oh, stand up on your feet and walk, now.

MATT: Tie him in the saddle.

Sam, do you think you'll have any trouble getting them

back to the Englewood Sheriff?

SAM: No problem at all, Marshal.

WILSON: Say, I'm too sick to travel.

CHICO: I-I told you everything, Marshal.

It-- it will count, yes?

Maybe, if Jeeter was going where you said he was going.

But why would he be going to the town of Oblivion?

He wanted us to ride shotgun on his money,

promised us another thousand if we got him safe to Mexico.

Festus, does he have a horse?

FESTUS: Far as I can tell, he ain't even got no feet,

he ain't moved two inches in no direction since we been here.

Oh, he's got feet all right, he was kicking me and Chico

in the elbow half the night.

All right, it's clearly understood,

I come back with $12,000 and then me,

and Jeeter and my bride, we get the keys to the city, hm?

I'll see you in about an hour, Love.

Oh yeah, my gun?

You don't need a gun.

Well now wait a minute, Jeeter going

to get all upset he sees me without some backup artillery.

I mean, he might even think that you boys

are not altogether trustworthy.

[clanking]

You ain't back in that hour, listen hard to the south here.

You won't get so far you won't be able to hear

this redhead yelling.

Huh, thank you.

There.

Oh look, why-- why don't you do my laundry whilst I'm gone?

You know, busy hands and all that?

[chuckling]

I don't trust him.

I don't trust him-- not a penny's worth.

Bodine, you and Lomax follow behind.

The minute they start to dig for that money,

bury him and his partner.

[SHOUTING] Holly, Holly!

Private Horse, time for a little refreshment,

here, but I haven't got any for you, Boy.

Yah, go on down there.

Get on down there, Private Horse.

Trust old Holly, here.

[hoofbeats]

Take your sweaty hands off those reins.

Now get down off there nice and easy before this piece

makes jerky strips out of you.

Sergeant, maybe we can work out a deal.

Maybe.

You listen quick.

Supposin' that Jeeter don't buy the deal?

Ready to move in fast.

But make sure we take them alive.

Partners?

Yeah.

I told Pinero you'd buried the money,

and we'd have to go dig it up.

Well sure.

I buried it.

That's what we'll do, we'll ride there and dig it up.

Well, that was good thinking, Jeeter.

Now, we're going to have to trust

each other if we're going to get Miss Kitty Russell out of this.

Now, as a contribution to our new bond of faith,

here, take that.

Well Sarge, that's real-- Sergeant,

you're on the wrong horse.

Oh, well I thought I'd just spell

old Private Horse for awhile with a little lighter load.

[chuckling]

Whoa.

Wh--

It's your turn now, Sergeant.

You get down nice and easy.

Why Jeeter, you wouldn't double cross a friend.

Let's get them.

Boots and saddles, Horse.

[clicks]

[gunfire]

He's riding off with the money!

[gunfire]

[chuckling]

Nothing like the sound of a busy battle.

[gunfire]

Let's get him.

Well, you arrived just in time, Mr. Big Fist.

Treat 'em gentle.

Ho!

Hey, that means "go," civilian horse.

Hiyah, yah.

Relax, Red.

It can be fun being a widow, hm?

Let's talk about uh, you and me, hm?

This is a hard world for a woman to travel alone, hm?

[screams]

[inaudible].

Now, now there, Miss Kitty, don't you worry about a thing.

There, Marshal Big Fist up there in the rocks

stomping out them bad bellies, and Pinero's comeuppance

is about to come up.

And finally, old Holly got you in his arms, huh?

[chuckling]

Yeah.

Say listen, tell me, did you have time to do my laundry?

[groans]

[GROANING] Oh, Holly.

[chuckling]

EMMETT: 618, 619, 620.

Yes sir, $23,620, which along with this stack of Pinero's

over here comes out just about exactly

to the amount of the payroll.

[chuckling]

Shouldn't you take the apple out of his mouth?

Oh, not till I roast him.

Ha!

You know, Kitty, baby if old Holly had any sense what's

on this table here would represent henceforth what would

be known as Sergeant Emmett Holly's Retirement and Pension

Fund Limited, and you and I could

go down and enjoy about a 140-year vacation in Mexico.

You're not serious.

Well, now are you not dazzled by the thought

of accompanying old Holly and all this money to Mexico?

No.

And you stop talking nonsense.

Hm.

Still mooning after old Big Fist, huh?

[chuckling]

Well, can't blame a man for trying, can you?

[chuckling]

[sighs]

OK then, I guess it's back to flag and country.

Yeah, being underfed, underpaid, and--

[whinnying outside]

[groaning]

Hey, well they're all here-- Matt, and Festus, and Newly.

Underfed, underpaid, and undercut by some slouch-hatted

marshal that just takes a fancy to a man's girl

when he was about to marry her and sweep her

off to Mexico for a honeymoon.

Sergeant Holly.

[footsteps]

[groaning]

You're a dear.

Ha.

What's going on around here?

[smacking]

Nothing to worry your head about.

EMMETT: It gets better all the time, Big Fist.

You'd best watch yourself.

Ha ha-- gets better all the time.

[music playing]

[theme music]

NARRATOR: Stay tuned for scenes from next week's "Gunsmoke."

[theme music]