All language subtitles for A.Holiday.Heist.2011.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX] eng

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

[Jennifer]
When I was growing up

Christmastime always meant
bundling up

to go caroling,
going skiing with friends,

or sitting with your family
by the warm fire.

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

Now, ever since I moved
to sunny Southern California,

it's meant wearing
a pair of Uggs with your skirt

or going to the beach
with a Santa hat on.

And ever since
I started college, it's been
a break from classes,

time with your friends,
freedom.

Unless you're me,
and you need extra credit
for your art history major.

In that case,
you find yourself spending
the holidays at school,

picking up extra hours
working at the local museum

while your best friend
goes to Cabo.

This is my story.

Adiós, amigos.
Merry Christmas.

Oh! Oh!
[Paige shrieks]

Hello, Paige.

[Jennifer]
That's Paige Sutherby,
my best friend.

Just look at her clothes.
Her parents are loaded.

They're always jet-setting
somewhere for the holidays.
Last year it was Fiji.

This year she'll be spending
Christmas down in Cabo.

Where do you plan on going
with that big old suitcase?

Two miles up the road
to Mommy and Daddy's house?

Frank, let's lay off
the Christmas cookies
this year, huh?

Frank is
a history major.

He recently decided
to start a new diet
and exercise regimen,

which pretty much means
he'll actually get up
to change the channel

instead of using
the remote.

And if you must know,
I'm going to Cabo.

Enjoy yourself.

Hope it rains.

* Antsy imposition *

* If you show me yours *
Whoo!

* I'll show you mine, mine *

* Don't usually know
this quickly, but you
feel so good on me *

* Your kisses
taste like Christmas
Unwrap my inhibitions *

Are you sure you don't
want to come with me?
Cabo's gonna be awesome.

Oh, I'm sure of it.
Thanks for thinking
about me.

It's depressing, Jen.
No one should be
alone in these dorms,

let alone on Christmas.

I've got a job
at the Monta Bay Exhibition

at the Douvet Gallery in town.

That's really boring.
I'm getting paid great money,

and it's a collection
that I've always wanted to see.

Paige, I will be here.
So I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna look after her.

I'm gonna take really
extra special good care of her,

and nothing bad
will come to her.

[Jennifer]
Ugh. And the film major
over there

who looks like he just stepped
out of a John Hughes movie,
that's Bert Heller.

He's had a crush on me
since freshman orientation,
but doesn't think I've noticed.

Don't let the hat fool you.
He's actually a good guy.

Gross. Is that what you
want all Christmas break,

Bert Heller trying
to catch your sweat?

You wish you could
catch my sweat.

Please.

[Jennifer laughs]

But you are gonna have more fun.

So please tell your parents
I said Merry Christmas.

I will. And keep
your cell phone on you.
I'll be calling.

And you...
keep your paws off her.

** [rock]

No, I don't give a crap
that it's Christmas.

You didn't call your daughter
on her birthday,

but you remember
the birth of Baby Jesus.

That's great.

[Jennifer]
That's Cassie.

She's an English major,

but her real focus
is tennis.

Thanks to her, Denherst
was number one in our division

for the third year
in a row.

Personally, I think
she hits the ball well

because she's always angry.

Of course,
if you had her parents,
you'd be upset, too.

Excuse me. Will you mind
your own business, Bert?

Mom, shut up!

My goodness!
You should respect your elders.

Didn't anyone
teach you that?

I'm not coming home
for the holidays, okay?

You and that guy aren't even
gonna notice I'm there.

Dad's running around with
his new little girlfriend.

Okay, no. Yeah.
Yeah, I am gonna stay here.

How about that?
I'll stay here for Christmas.

[Bert sighs]
Duncan!
What the heck!

You cannot be be
breaking up with me
right before Christmas break!

Kate, we're not
broken up because
we were never together.

But we had so much fun together.
Like that night in the hammock.

Whoa. Check this out.

Okay, I'm lying.
You're super hot,
and I had fun.

[Jennifer]
And Duncan Douvet.

Hmm. Where do I begin?

I mean, just look
at his smile.

Handsome, charming,
and obscenely rich.

Douvet Auditorium,
Douvet Art Gallery.

His grandmother Diane
is pretty much my idol.

That's his family.
It's too bad he doesn't
even know I exist.

Not like I'd never
have a chance with
a guy like that.

So, we can stay together?

No.

But it was fun
while it lasted, right?

Why are all the gorgeous,
vapid women taken?

[scoffs]

[huffs]

Uh, maybe not.

I love masterpieces.

[Jennifer]
That's Alfred,
computer science.

Voted most likely
to invent something
that changes the world

and become a billionaire
by age 25.

Also voted least likely to lose
his virginity by age 40.

When you gonna be
done with that, Alfred?
And what the heck is it?

It's light years
beyond your level
of understanding, Duncan.

And it requires
intense focus, okay?

When you gonna go, huh?
Tonight.

I got a meeting with the dean,
and then I'm outta here.

The dean?

[lion growling]

She's scary, no?
I once met the dean,

and I shook her hand
at convocation,
and it was cold.

Like her whole hand was
made of ice or something.

But, dude, it was
80 degrees outside!

Spooky stuff.

Why you meeting
with the dean anyway?

I don't know exactly.
Something about my transcripts.

Hopefully no big deal,
and then I'll be off
to shred it up in Aspen.

Oh, yeah, you gotta work
the gallery, huh?

The parentals insist
that I leave my dorm room

for at least two hours
every single day.

That's good.
The gallery's the only thing
that's going on.

I suppose some kind
of social interaction
would be pleasurable.

Just as long as it doesn't
take too much time
out of my day.

I've got to finish
this experiment.

[laughing]
Al, you gotta
take some time off.

You're gonna blow yourself up.

Did Zhores Alferov
take time off

from inventing
the diode laser? Hmm?

Or did
Karl Ferdinand Braun

take time off from
inventing the cathode-ray
tube oscilloscope?

I'm guessing no?

No! They most certainly
did not!

Okay, okay, calm down, man.

Every day!
[jabbers in Hindi]

Oh, it's okay, Alfred.
You do this, you do that.

[jabbers in Hindi]
Okay, okay, calm down.

Just mess with your whatever
and have a good Christmas.

[shouts in Hindi]
I'm out!

Don't blow yourself up,
all right?

And I'll see you
in two weeks.

[singing in Hindi]

Uncle Harry!
[laughs]
Oh, there she is, huh?

What are you doing here?
What do you mean,
what am I doing here?

Who's that?

That's my girlfriend,
Carrie.

My new girlfriend.

Your girlfriend?
Yeah.

Harry?
Yeah, honey?

Sweater face. Honey,
I'll be right there, okay?
Wow.

Have you carded her?

Okay, that's funny.
Good stuff.

Um, we are late, all right?
Traffic and all that stuff.
So...

But I can't go
anywhere.

What are you talking about?
It's Christmas.

We're going
to Palm Springs.

Remember? I got
the whole time-share thing,

and the killer view
of the desert.

I mean, it's gonna be great.
It's gonna be amazing.

Sand...
There's sand there, yeah.

I got a beautiful
white artificial tree,
and it's gonna be great.

It's gonna be beautiful.
I mean, it's Palm Springs.
Christmas.

So, come on.
We gotta get going 'cause
we're gonna be really late.

I already told you,
I really can't go.

I have to work at
the gallery, and I need
the hours for my major.

All right, I gotta...

I think this is the one.
All right?
The one?

She's the one for me.
She's the one.

Harry, you've been
married three times.

Oh, God, that's not true.

It's four times.

Right. Four. Sorry.

You know what she did?
She was listening to a song.

Beautiful song. Um...

Justin Beaver.

Bieber.
Bieber.

Yeah, Justin Bieber.
Justin Bieber.

And, uh--
Incredible musician.

And she said,
"Every time I hear
this song, I think of you."

I bet she did.

She's perfect.

Yeah. Oh...
[sighs]

Oh...

She is perfection.

Wanna, like, pickle it
and eat it.

Yeah, she's,
she's great.

I might as well tell you.
Um... [clears throat]

It's Christmas Eve, so, um...

I'm going to...

I was gonna propose to her.

Oh...
She's gonna be your aunt.

My what?
Your aunt, your "ant."
Whatever.

[chuckling]
Oh, Harry, are you--

Yeah.
Are you really sure that
you've thought this through?

What?
I mean really
thought this through?

I've been thinking about this
for, like, four days.

Yes, I've been
thinking about this.

Look how she does this.

No one else
does that.

Harry!
Yes, baby sauce.

Yeah, I'm coming, honey.
I'm just--

She's so sweet.
We gotta get going, all right?

We're really late.
Let's get packing.
Go to your dorm.

Let's get packing
and get on the road.

I really can't,
and I'm so sorry

'cause I would love
nothing more than
to watch you propose

to your sweater face.

Sweater face.
But I have to work.

It'd be so great if
you're there. It would
mean everything to me.

I'm gonna have to,
or I won't be able
to graduate on time.

You know, you're just like
your mother. Honestly.
Always working.

I know. But, hey,
listen, call me
after the holidays,

Oh, I'll call you.
and maybe we'll have
dinner or something.

Are you really gonna--
Okay. All right.
I'm so sorry.

Okay.
All right.

Merry Christmas,
Uncle Harry.
Merry Christmas.

All right. Have fun.
Yeah.

Harry.

The only person
working on Christmas.

All right, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

No, it's okay.

Bye.

All right, let's go.

[sighs]

[knocking]

Come in.

There's a Duncan Douvet
here for you.

Thank you, Greta.
Mr. Douvet, you're late.

Oh, come on, Dean.
I'm only like
five minutes behind.

[speaks Japanese]

You see?
He no respect authority.

Hi, Professor Nguyen.

Sit.

You know, Mr. Douvet,

when I was a student
here at Denherst College,

I was so hopeful.

I remember
being told

how successful I could be
if I studied hard.

I always thought
that success meant money,
money meant happiness,

and happiness meant--
[Nadia]
More money?

To be rich?

No.

My point is, is that
hard work and dedication

are inevitably
supposed to pay off.

You fail East Asian
Art History.

Zip it.
You flunk midterm.

What?
Zip!

You don't take
my class seriously.

Zip, zip, zip!
Mr. Douvet,

your grade in the
professor's class has put
you on academic probation.

Hai.
You're going to need
to repeat her class.

Retake? My spring semester
is already full.

That means summer school.
I can't take summer school.

I'll be at
my cottage all summer.

Mr. Douvet, you need
to reassess your priorities.

Prioritize!

I'm only taking the time
to speak with you

because your family has been
very generous to Denherst
over the years.

Moreover,
the town's art gallery
that bears your name

has also worked
closely with the school.

So I understand the shame

and disappointment that this
news might bring to your family.

Such disgrace.

Just because my family's
full of artists

doesn't mean
I have to be one, too.

True. But that also
doesn't mean

that you can blow off your
classes and get away with it.

What am I supposed to do?

Well, the professor has agreed

to raise your grade
from an F to a C-minus,

only if you participate
in the art exhibition
at your gallery.

What? But that's
over Christmas break!

I'm supposed to be snowboarding
in Aspen tomorrow!

And?

I cannot be here
for Christmas.

It's your choice,
Mr. Douvet.

Extra credit
or extra school.

Greta!

Yes, Dean McBride?

Show Mr. Douvet
the way out,
if you would.

He's so entitled.

Exactly.
[knocking,
door opening]

Ah, gentlemen.

I've been
expecting you.

Nadia, if you'll excuse us,
I have a meeting

with the security guards
who work at the gallery.

Hello, Nadia.
It's Nadia, right?

Hai.

[giggles]
It's Harley.

I don't think
we exchanged names
the last time we met.

Oh, yes.
I remember very good.

Hello, Harley-san.

Break it up!

Merry Christmas,
Harley-san.

Uh, maybe I see you
again sometime.

Okay. That would be good.
[Nadia giggles]

I'll check my dance card,
but I think it's full.

[giggles]
No, it's not full.

[Nadia laughs]

It's empty.

[lion growls,
whip cracks]

Harley!
Damn! What?

Attention. Oh, God,
pick up your tongue.

You're drooling
everywhere.
Hey, Erma.

You got any snacks?
We're getting kinda hungry.

It's Dean McBride, Buzz.

Dean McBride.
Sorry, Dean McBride.
So that's

a no on the snacks, right?

I've had enough
of you two dimwits.

Now listen up.
I gave you this job
because...

We've been friends
since we was kids?

I said do it!

We ain't gonna do it,
are we, Harley?

No way, Erma.

Do it now or else!

[laughing]

What fun we had as kids.
[chuckles]

But no. That's not
why I hired you.

I hired you because
I couldn't find anyone else

that had your combination
of stupid and strong.

Yes.
Thank you, Erma.
Pretty good.

Sit down.
Oh.

Now, you two remember
the plan, correct?

Oh, yeah.
Rob the art gallery.

There's a lit bit more
to it than that, Buzz.

Now I need you two idiots
to write down these details.
Write 'em down!

I want you two
to wait

until the curator,
Antoine, leaves.

The Douvets have hired
a group of students to man
the exhibits during the day,

but they leave
in the evening.

So from 6 p.m. on,
you two will be the only
security guards there.

Write that down.

Now, the gallery

is broken up
into two sections.

In the smaller room, we have
the Diane Douvet collection,

and in the larger room,
we have the Monta Bay exhibit.

There's exits on each side
of the building.

Guys, be aware
of your surroundings.

Sidewalk,
parking lot, okay?

You will enter through here,
take this route.

You will collect
all of the artwork,

and then you will exit
back out the way that you came.

Understand? Good.

This should be simple enough
for the two of you.

Uh, so, basically, um,

what do we do again?

You collect the artwork,
put it in the van,

drive away.

You got it, Harley?
Got it, boss.

Come back
to the gallery,

beat the crap
out of each other,

call the police,
and report the break-in.

Why we gotta
beat each other up?

It has to look like
the real robbers
beat you up.

I thought we was
the real robbers.

Buzz! Just do it.

Dean, I don't get it.
You got plenty of money.

Good looks. Beautiful brown eyes
that you could lose yourself in.

[clears throat]
Why youse got to rob
the local gallery?

Not that you two meatheads
would understand,

but the gallery is
practically part of the school.

So if suddenly,
let's say a mass controversy

over a robbery was to happen.

As everyone is crying over
the art that was stolen,

I'll manage to recover it and
bring it back to the museum,

therefore turning me
into the university's savior!

And they will have no choice
but to renew my contract

and to give me
a real pension.

Then, in a couple of years,

I'll retire,
and I'll be comfortable,

and I will be rid of these
idiotic students forever.

My head hurts.
Harley,

you take care of this job
and collect your $50,000.

Fifty grand.
That's a lot of money!

And trust me,

your head will
feel much better.

Now go.

Oh, uh, Erma?

Dean! DeanMcBride, Harley!

Dean McBride?
Yes?

We was wonderin' if you
wanted to come to our house
for Christmas dinner.

Your place?

We was just thinking
you wanna come over

for some rabbit stew.

For a meal?

[laughs]

No, thanks. I'll pass.

Besides,

I hate Christmas.

Wow, she's a mean lady.

I know,
but it's not her fault.

She's just projecting.
Projecting?

I've been listening
to this book on tape

from this guy
called Dalai Lama.

Who names
a llama Dolly?

Only Dolly I ever heard of
is that country-western singer

with the giant
kadonkadonks.

No, the Dalai Lama.
He's like a monk or something.

Oh, now I see.
Dolly is a much better
name for a monkey.

No, he's not a monkey.
You're a monkey!

Anyway, he says
you gotta have compassion.

So we just gotta
"compassion" her.

Plus, we need
the money, right?
I do like money.

We all do, Buzz,
and I got a plan

that's gonna make us
even lots more money.

[wheezing laugh]

Bert, is that you?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hi. You're--
You're not Bert.
I'm just

checking the dorm to see
if anybody else is here.

Um, yeah.
I mean, there's
a few people around,

but not very many,
and I'm just here because
I'm working at the gallery.

Over the Christmas holiday?

Yeah, it looks that way.

Because you missed
your flight home?

Uh, no, because I thought
it would be a cool opportunity.

And I sound like
a major dork.

[chuckles]
I guess that makes two dorks,
'cause I'll be there, too.

Really? Huh.
Well, what a coincidence.

Yeah.

You're Jennifer Hendry.

I recognize your work.
It's beautiful.

You painted the mural
that's in the library, right?

Yeah.
I love your style.

It's very contemporary.

Thank you.

[chuckles]
Thank you. I really
appreciate that.

Yeah.

You seem to really
know your art.

Yeah, runs in
the family, I guess.

I'm sorry, I didn't--
What was your name again?

[Jennifer]
Okay, I know it's bad to lie,
especially at Christmas,

but I was so shocked
I didn't know what to say.

Guess I'm going
on Santa's naughty list.

Duncan.
Duncan Douvet.

As in the Douvet Gallery?

You got it.

Wow. Wow.

Diane Douvet is-- God, she's
one of my favorite painters.
Yeah.

Gram, she's pretty popular.

So, are you also
an artist, or--
Oh, no.

No, but when you
grow up around it a lot,
you pick up a thing or two.

So that explains why you're also
going to be at the gallery.

'Cause-- Well, I guess
that explains it. [laughs]

Yeah, that's exactly why.

[nervous chuckle]

At least we'll know
one person at the gallery,

so, uh, I'll see you
in the morning?

Yeah. I'll see you there.

Cool. Good night.

All right, take care.

[knocking]

You wouldn't actually have
an extra blanket, would you?

Uh, um, yes.

Here.

Cats on it.

Thank you.
Good night again.

'Night.

Again, ladies and gentlemen,

we have a lovely example
of classic French artistry

and the bidding
will begin at $600.

Do I have 600? 600 to
the man in the white coat.

Thank you very much, sir.
I have 600. Do I have seven?

Ah, 700 in the back!

To the very large monsieur.

Merci beaucoup.

I have 700.
Do I hear eight?
Eight, anyone?

Eight hundred.
Mr. Cobblesworth. Merci.

I have 800. Do I hear nine?

Don't move,
you moron!
Ow!

Nine hundred in the back.

No!
Buzzo, impressive.

$900. Do I have
one thousand?

You're not gonna let
that repulsive man win, are you?

One thousand? One thousand.
Do I hear one thousand?

$1,000, Mr. Cobblesworth.
Merci.

One thousand.
Eleven hundred, anyone?

Anyone? One thousand
going once.

Don't move!

Going twice.
Hold your breath.

[inhales sharply]
Anyone in the back?

Sold. One thousand dollars,
Mr. Cobblesworth. Very good.

He was doing that
on purpose.

Those French don't
like us Americans.

[Buzz]
They don't like us 'cause
we're smarter than them.

Stupid French.
[Harley]
Stupid French.

Stupid French.
Stupid.

We're smarter than them.
Stupid French.

Stupid!
[Antoine]
Ahem!

Is there a problem, Buzzo?

You did that
on purpose, Frenchy.

No hard feelings.
It's Christmastime.

I'm trying to make
some commission for
the holiday to Barbados.

You know. I do my job.
This is all. Ha!

[chuckles]
But it was fun
to make you squirm.

[laughing]

Boop!
[laughing]

Don't poke the bear!

[cackles]
What you going to do?

Boop, boop, boop!
[laughing]

I hate that guy.

Well, we're getting ready
to rob him blind,

He can put that in
his French pipe and smoke it.

Exactly.
Now, you got everything
under control here?

I gotta go make some
arrangements for the job.

I'm bringing in Jimmy
to help us out.

Does Erma know?
She didn't say nothin'
about bringing in Jimmy.

What Erma don't know
won't hurt her.

Man, Jimmy hates me.

Jimmy hates everybody,
but the man's a pro,

and this plan is gonna
make us millions.

Or thousands!
Yeah.

All right,
I'll be back at midnight.
Keep a low profile.

Okay? Good.

Lots of people have
nowhere to go and no money
to go anywhere on Christmas.

It's pretty common.
I'm not worried about them.

[cell phone ringing]
You honestly think I care
what they think about us?

Wait, it's Paige.
One sec.

Hello. Hey.

So, you're already there
working on your tan?

This trip sucks.

It just took the first train
to Sucky Town USA.

It's been a complete bust.

Why? You're in Cabo.

Jen, this is serious.
I'm at the pool now.

There aren't
any hot guys anywhere.

[Jennifer]
Isn't it 9:00
in the morning?

Whatever. So, is it
really boring there?
How is it with Bert?

No, it's actually good.

There's going to be six
of us at the gallery,

including Duncan Douvet.

What?
Duncan Douvet's there?

He's supposed to be
in Aspen.

How is it possible
you know his vacation plans?

Hello! It's Duncan Douvet.
I actually ran into him
at the dorms the other night.

I'm so jealous.
He's so hot.
Yeah, he's nice, but come on,

he's Duncan Douvet.

Have some confidence.
I suggest...

you pull him under
some mistletoe, stat.

Yeah. I'll keep that
in mind. Thanks. Have fun.
I'll talk to you later.

Okay, bye.
Go get him.

Mom, I need to go home
right now.

There aren't any hot guys
anywhere, and can we
please send the jet?

What?
Hello.

I am Pablo,
the pool bar boy.

Would like
a carrot margarita?

If you're Pablo,
then your apparel is
completely throwing me off.

It looks like
a Frenchman's clothes.

[panting]

Frank, you're gonna do this.
You can do this.

Hey.

Oh. Guys, wait up!

Did you run
all the way here?

Yeah. I'm just trying
to get a little exercise in.

Oh. This your
exercise hat?
Yeah.

[laughing]
You like it?
Yeah, thanks.

What are you still doing here?
I thought you were going home
for the holidays.

I can't this year.
It's too expensive.

What about you two?
Well, Frank, I'm what
they call Jewish.

I'm strictly forbidden from
believing in Santa Claus.

Oh, yeah.
I'd rather work
at the gallery, anyway.

Make some money
than eat bagels and lox
with my insane sister-in-law.

Yeah, me, too.
You do have an insane
sister-in-law also?

No, I was talking about
working at the gallery.

Me, too. We're all
working at the gallery.
That's where we were going.

Oh, sweet.
Guys, come on.
We're gonna be late.

I'm with you.
I like the shades.

[Antoine]
Attention.

Attention,everyone.
Bonjour.

Bienvenu.Welcome to
the Diane Douvet Gallery
of Contemporary Art.

I am the curator here,
Antoine Luc.

Merci beaucoup.
Thank you so much

for volunteering your time
and service--

Volunteer?
We're getting paid, no?

Oui.Excuse my expression.
Pardon. Um...

If I'm taking time out
from my experiment,
I might as well get paid.

Good point.
...spend time
in the presence

of these masterpieces, oui?

The gallery will be open
on Christmas Eve,

and you'll be providing
courtesy services.

You will all be docents
here to answer any questions

people have about
the pieces in the gallery.

So, mademoiselle,
there will be 24-hour security

provided by the two, uh,
dumb, dumb, idiotic two guy.

One very large here,
one very large here.
You know the ones?

Normalement,I am here
to overwatch this process.

Uh, but I am going to be busy
looking for some beach attires.

You know, the small
clothes for swim?

So I leave it to you to be
my eyes and my ears. Yes?

Uh, Antoine, je m'excuse.

[speaks French]

You speak French?
Where do I go?

I will be taking
the rougeeye

to Barbados.

Barbados c'est bien ça?

They have the most beautiful
water, topless beaches,

bottomless beaches.

C'est super.

Can I go with you?

Guess who?

Raphael?
No.

Jean Paul?
No.

Marcus?
[laughs]

Here I am!
[laughing]

Is that a dude?

When did Cindy Lauper
make a comeback?

So, Cassie, you're gonna be
working here for the break, too?

No, I'm here
to go art shopping.

Oh, my lord, you are
such a little sourpuss.

How'd you get that way?

Talk to them.
I can't speak to them.

It's a lot of money.
I speak to them
on the phone.

Sorry I'm late, Antoine.

What's up, guys?

What'd I miss?

Not much. We were just
going over the schedule.

Hey, everybody,
this is Duncan.

I already know these guys.
You're the only one
I hadn't met.

She doesn't really
get out very much.

[Antoine, Marcus argue]

[Antoine]
They will feed it five
times a day, not three.

Okay. Well, since tomorrow
is Christmas Eve, I figured

it's super lame that we
gotta be here without family,

so why don't we get together
and make a dinner?

Yeah, that'd be fun.
Yeah,

that would be nice. Sure.

I'm down, too.

I'm actually on a diet
'cause I'm fat.

Not interested.

Why is there no cell
service here anywhere?

Why you so grouchy?

I need to get out of here.
I need a vacation.

I want to meet everyone.
If I'm gonna be
your assistant,

then let me
do my thing with them.

You can do
the securities doc--

Can I tell them
the security--

Attention, attention,
everyone.

This is Marcus.
He's my travel companion,

and he is also
a fellow employee
of the gallery here.

So, say hello.
Hi, everyone.
I'm Marcus.

But my friends
call me Marcouscous
because I'm vegan.

[laughing]
Who calls you
Marcouscous?

People do.

Really?
Whatever.

Are you embarrassed
or something?
What's going on?

I work here on
the weekends as well.

But not this weekend
because me and this guy
are gonna party.

* Doo doo doo
doo doo doo doo *

[laughing]
Enough.

Are you embarrassed
of me or something?
I am not embarrassed.

It's my place of work.
I'm speaking to the children.
Carry on.

Can I explain
the security system
like you said I could now?

Attention.Please pay
close attention to him
as he explains the security.

Thank you.
[scoffs]
If that's okay.

That's fine.
[clears throat]

So, this gallery has a very,
very high tech security.

When you come in,
you enter your code in,

and that's in the pamphlet
you have right there.

So you enter the code in,
and when you leave,
you enter that same code.

Now, if the alarm
is tripped while I'm away,

I will get a text message
on my phone immediately,

automatically
from the system,

and I will notify
the authorities.

How much are we
getting paid?

Twenty dollars an hour.

And then double time
on the 25th.
Aha. [giggles]

Any more questions?
So, au revoir.

Merci beaucoup.
Bye!

[Marcus sings]
Bonjour!

So whatever we get,
we split three ways. Deal?

How we gonna split
a painting three ways?

We sell it, Buzz,
on the black market.

We're selling it
to a fence.

A fence?
Buzz, I hired
Jimmy here

because he's a professional,
and he knows things.

I mean, look at this man.
Look at him.

The man wears suspenders.

He's gonna do
the old switcheroo
with the counterfeits

for Dean McBride.

Counterfeits?
I thought we was taking
the real paintings.

Buzz, we are,
but instead of giving
the dean the real ones,

we give her the fakes
that Jimmy made,

take her money, then sell
the real paintings, too.

That's a good idea.
Yeah.

Buzz, you do know the code
to the gallery, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
I know the code.

You know,
I heard Frenchy say
that one of those drawings

is worth
a billion million dollars.

We're gonna be rich!

Okay. Let's go over the plan.
I put a lot of thought-- Buzz?

Huh? Stay focused.

Now, I drew up
a map of the gallery

and I separated it
into three sections.

Now we're each gonna take
a section and do our own work.

But we're gonna have
walkie-talkies
so we can communicate.

Like in the movies?

Yeah, like in the movies.
It's gonna be great.

Listen, get a good night's
sleep because tomorrow
is Christmas eve.

Buzz, you're sure the gallery
is going to be empty, right?

I heard Frenchy talking.
He's taking his boy toy
to some island.

No one's going to be there.
Just the alarm.

Sounds like we got ourselves
a holiday heist, boys.

** [rock]

* I'm no angel *

* But I'll get you high *

* I'm no virgin
Achin', restless *

* Right before your eyes *

* So scandalous *

* If you show me yours
I'll show you *

* Mine, mine *

Dean McBride.

Mr. Heller.

Her work is stunning,
isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Dean, it's Christmas Eve.
I'm surprised you're
still in town.

Where else would I go, hmm?

Oh, I didn't mean
anything by it.

I just meant that usually
people flee Denherst
over the holidays.

And I just thought
you might have some--

No, I don't have
any family here.

Right. I'm sorry.

Besides, I have business
to take care of.

You know, Dean,
you might suffer from
seasonal mood disorder.

Zip it, Heller.
I have a lamp.

Zip!

You just turn--
Zip!

Hey, Boss!

It's Dean McBride.
Dean, Buzz.

So listen, everything
is all good on our end.

Ow! Ah! D-- Oooh!

Buzz, why don't
we go and discuss
your janitorial duties?

These kids, they don't need
to hear about that mess.

Oh, right.

Right.

So I'm not a security guard.
I'm a janitor.

And we have to go discuss
our garbage situation.

Right, Buzz.

Good day.

A good day to you.
Bye. Happy Holidays.

Wow. She is just
a ray of sunshine.

You don't think that, um...

What, like... hooking up?

Yeah.
What?

I think so.

No.
Yes. Think about it.

People could say
the same thing about us.

What, that me and you are...

No.

hooking up?
No.

That we're friends.

That's crazy.
Actually no, I'm just saying.

We're friends. We're together.
Right.

It's the holidays.

And we're here.
We're together.

Oh, I see. So you wanna...
Don't say it.

If you wanna be
making out now,
let's make out.

No. That's okay. I'm fine.

The painting won't mind
if we make out.

Yeah. Happy holidays.
Make out with the painting.

I'm going to make out
with the painting.
Good idea.

I should make out with...

Stupid.

* Santa Claus is on his way *

What's this?
It's a Christmas gift, silly.

I don't like gifts.

I was just thinking about
you all alone on Christmas

with no presents
under your tree.

Thought you could use
some cheering up.

It's nice, huh?

A water gun?
What am I? Eleven?

It's a Tidal Wave 5000.

Thought you could use
some fun in your life.

Fun is for kids, Buzz.

Now let's get down
to business.

You two guys are set
and ready to go, right?

Oh, yeah. Jimmy and Harley
are getting the van right now.

Jimmy? Who's Jimmy?

D-- Did I say Jimmy?
I meant Finny.

And Finny would be?

Uh, Finny's our dog, uh,
a cute little white dog.

We never go anywhere
without Finny.

You two better not
screw this up for me.

Oh, no, no, no.
We definitely won't
screw everything up.

[sighs]

[Duncan]
All right, guys.
What do we got?

I have two containers
of crackers.

Uh, American cheese
and a box of cookies.

Mummy and Daddy sent me
this homemade paneer tikka
and choley bhature.

It's most delicious.

Okay, well, I have two
fruit and nut granola bars

and, uh, ketchup.

Okay. How do you guys
feel about Chinese food?

[All]
Yes!

Good idea.
All right. Al?

The closest Chinese
establishment is 24.14
kilometers away.

Wh-- What--

Thirty minutes.
Right, 30 minutes.

Okay, so here's the plan.
You got a car, right?
Mm-hmm.

You drive
and get the food.

We'll gather plates and
meet you at the gallery.

You got it, boss-man.

Wait, the gallery?

Yeah, why not?
It's Christmas.

We don't want to eat
in the dumpy dorms.

Okay, sure. Yeah.

Oh, and will you leave
Cassie a note?

I know it's Christmas
and maybe she won't show up,

but let her know
where we're at.

Got it.

Toodles.

All right, let's do this.

Okay.
Good.

All right, let's see
if this code works.

It's a great idea
to have dinner at the gallery.
At least it's pretty.

Gotcha.

Whoa! No way.

Ah, Bert.
Someone threw out a perfectly
good Water Whizzer.

Did you really just stick
your hand in the trash?
That is so gross.

People pee in there.
People don't pee in the trash.

Yes, they do.
Put it back.

People don't pee
in a trash can.

Put it back.
Why?

Come on. Listen to her.
Put it back.
We'll get it later.

What are you,
homeless?

You can have it later.
[laughs]

What if I was homeless? Huh?
Then you'd feel sorry.

[Jennifer]
Mmm, why did we pick Alfred
to get the food again?

Does anyone know if spoons go
on the left side of the plate
or the right side?

I think because
the utensils are plastic,
it doesn't really matter.

Cha-ching.

Shh! Guys, hold up.
I think I hear somebody coming.

Bert--
Shh.

It's Cassie. Hey.
Well, well, well.

What, did you think I was
some art thief or something?

Oh, Cassie. I thought
you were too cool
for Christmas dinner.

I'm hungry
and nothing's open.

Merry Christmas to you, too.
Shut up, Frank.

Wow. It is Christmas.

Let's just have
a nice Christmas dinner
and have fun, okay?

I still don't understand
these stupid outfits.

These are
our disguises, Jimmy.

If anybody spots us,
they'll just think
we're Santa and his crew.

Good thinkin', Harley.
Yeah.

It's Christmas Eve,
Jimmy.

Santa's gonna be
out and about tonight.
Yeah.

Whatever!
Let's just do this.

All right.
You ready, Buzz?

For what?

For the robbery,
little brother.

Right. I'm kind of hungry.
When's dinner?

We will eat after we steal
the millions of dollars
of artwork, okay?

Okay. Sometimes
I don't think so well
on an empty stomach.

Yeah, well, you never
think so well.

Enough already.
Patience going.

This is
a serious operation.
Now listen up.

We get in.
We steal the artwork.
We get out.

Capisce?
Wow, this is so exciting.

Then, I'm gonna leave
the counterfeits in the van
for the dean to find,

and I'm gonna
hide the originals
back at my place.

She'll never know
the difference. Got it?

Got it.

One thing, though.

What, Santa?

Why are the lights on
in the gallery?

[Jimmy]
Uh-oh. Change of plans.

Harley, time for
a little recon.

[loud rock music]
Hey. That's a oldie-
but-goodie right there.

Whatcha all know about this?

Huh?

Uhh! Hey. Hey. Jen.

Duncan. Bert, you have
nothing to say about this.

I know you don't. Not at all.

Merry Christmas.

* Baby, it's all right *

* Baby, it's all right *

* Give me your
sweet, sweet lovin' *

* Baby, it's all right
Man, it's all right *

So listen, I had some
questions about some paintings.

Do you mind
helping me out?

Sure. I'll, uh--
yeah, no problem.

* You give me love
and you let me know *

* Baby, it's all right *

* Baby, it's all right *

* You bring me
sweet, sweet lovin' *

[beeping]
Cha-ching.

After you, gents.

So what do you think
about this one?

It's a great example
of abstract expressionism.

It's very avant garde
for its time.

Uh, vivid color fields.

Almost, uh...

Almost like Frank Stella
meets Mark Rothko's
stylistic roots.

Hmm.
No?

Okay. So you don't think
it's more of like a...

a lyrical
abstraction piece?

Kind of like a rebuttal
towards the American
Cubist movement?

I... I mean I could
see that. Yeah.

I mean, art really is
what you see in it, right?

Remind me again
why you're not an art major?

I just don't need that
pressure from my family.

So I decided
to take my own path.

Yeah, I can
understand that.

It must be nice, though,
to be part of such
an interesting...

interesting legacy.

I guess.

So wait a second.
If you don't need my help,

why are we looking
at this painting?

Because it's
the closest one
to the mistletoe.

[laughs]
That's smooth.

Thanks.

So we wouldn't want to defy
the spirit of Christmas now,
would we?

We should, um,
we should probably get back.

Can't hate a guy
for trying.

Oh, hey, Buzz.

[Jimmy]
What the hell is this?

What do you mean?

There's students
in the gallery

when it's supposed to be
empty on Christmas Eve!

Oh, right. It's those kids,
the ones who were working
the exhibit.

[mocking]
It's those kids.
The ones who were working--

What are
they doing here?

Uh, looks like
a Christmas dinner.

Nice setup.

This is not good.
This is not--

What are we
gonna do?

We gotta do
the job tonight.

The exhibit's shipped out
on the 26th.

All right.
I gotta think.
I gotta think.

Okay. All right.
Got it. I got it.

Nah, that's not it.
That's not good. Okay.

I got it. Wait. Okay.
Wait. All right.

They're inside there, right?
But there's still plenty
of nice stuff out here.

So all we got to do
is figure out a way

to keep them
preoccupied in there

while we clean house in here.

And then later we'll
wipe out the main gallery.

Okay. How we gonna do that?

I-I-I don't know.
I just thought it up.

I haven't figured
that far ahead, okay?
Let's go!

He's a smart guy, isn't he?

Elves are very smart people.

* Jingle bell, chutney smell *

* Make sure
it's not too spicy *

* Don't put
too much saffron in *

* Otherwise it will be
too pricey *

Oh, golly gosh.
It took me a lot longer
than I thought it would.

But never mind.
I'm here now.

Okay. All right.
Thanks, Alfred.

Just get here
when you can, okay?

And don't eat all the food
before you get here.

No, I was joking.
Obviously.

What you doin'
in there, Jimmy?

I am hacking into
the main security grid,

which will trigger a lockdown
of the main gallery,

locking all those
little mice inside.

See? And then
we can unlock it

when we want to get in.

Wow, that sounds fancy.

How do we know they're not
going to call the cops?

I knew you would say
something stupid like that.

That's why I came prepared.

Uh, hello. All right.
We'll see you in a bit.

He-- Hello.

Hello? Hello?
Can anyone hear me?

Anyone hear me? No!

What is it?

Betsy, a state-of-the-art
cell phone jammer.

Got it in Mexico on sale.
Ching-ching.

Whoa, Jimmy. Good idea.

Now nobody will be able
to get a cell phone call out
within a quarter-mile radius.

You always haul this
giant machine around?
That seems kind of dumb.

Not as dumb
as going to the slammer.

No cell service.

I'm starving.

I knew I shouldn't have came
here and sat with you idiots.

I should have just
stayed at the dorms.

Well, I'm starving, too.

There's so much
negativity from you.

[beeping]

What was that?

There's no fire,
so it must be trouble.

Duncan,
what was that?

Santa Claus? I don't know.

Come on, Duncan, man.
This isn't funny.

Relax, guys.
I was just joking.

I don't know what it was, but
obviously the power went out.

We're lucky that we
have the emergency lights.

Just stay calm,
and I'll be back.

[beeping]

[high-pitched squeaking]

That's no good.

[speaking Chinese]

Professor Nguyen?

Oh, hello. Alfred-san.

Is this your order?

Yes, but...
do you work here?

Hai.You know,
Christmas Eve very busy time
for Chinese food.

Well, there's a few of us
staying here, you know,

so we're all going to have
Christmas Eve dinner together
at the gallery.

Gallery?

Gallery.

Oh, gallery.
Yeah, the gallery.

You know the one at school?

Yeah, I know gallery.

Why you have dinner at gallery?

A few of us
are working there

and Duncan Douvet thought
it would be a splendid idea

to which I agree that we all
have dinner together

so no one is alone
on Christmas Eve.

Oh, yes.

I fail Douvet.

Huh?

I fail him.

"Fair"?

"Fail."

"Fair"?

Yeah, you know. "Fail."

Fail Douvet.

Oh. Ah, ah.

[laughs]

Dean make him stay
to do gallery.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Oh. Well, I must be off.

There's only a few of us
staying at the gallery,

and some guards, you know,
so I must go back
and do my duty.

Did you say security guard?

Guard.

God?

Guard.

You mean god?

Not god.
Security guard,
you know.

Like come here,
you naughty, naughty--

Which security?

The tall, dark and
handsome sensual Italiano
with the fat brother?

With the fat brother.
You know them. The two
that work at school.

Yeah, I know him.
[laughs] He hot.

[laughs]

You tell him for me,
"Merry Christmas."

Merry Christmas, Professor.

Arigato.

Tra-la-la-la-la.

The doors are locked.

Locked?
How are we supposed
to get out of here?

I don't know. Maybe some
security glitch or something.

Let's try calling the cops.

Do you have service?

Nothing.

Nope. Great.

We'll go with plan B.

Hmm, what's plan B?

Wait for the security guards
to find us.

Whoa!

Buzz, keep it together.

Look. She's scary.

At least she's not nude.

Hey, Jimmy.

What, Buzz?

What's the best toy you ever
got as a kid for Christmas?

Black coal in my stocking,
'cause that's all I ever got.

I remember
this one Christmas
I got this little bunny.

It was so cute
and white and soft.

This is the bestest
bunny rabbit in the world.

Thank you, Santa.

Uh, Buzz, I don't think
that's a bunny rabbit.

That was no bunny, Buzz.
What do you mean?

It was a rat with big ears
that made its way into your
stocking to eat your chestnuts.

Ma just didn't have
the heart to tell you.

You lie.
I know the difference
between a rat and a bunny.

Do you?
Let's go!

It's no big deal, guys.
Remember, Antoine said

that if the alarm goes off,
he gets a text instantly.

* It's a party in the limo
on the way to Barbados *

* Party in the limo
on the way to Barbados *

I'm sure he's going to
take care of everything.

In the meantime, we'll just
sit back and enjoy Christmas.

Yeah.

We could play
"spin the bottle."

I'd rather stick
this fork in my eye.

We could do that, too.

What is that smell?

It's my pizza-scented candle.

I'm sorry. I use it
for my cravings.
I have a problem.

It's okay.

I get hung--
I'm gonna
blow it out.

This is the worst
Christmas ever.

All right.
Buzz, go check
the perimeter. Now--

What's a perimeter?

Go outside and walk
around the building

and make sure nobody
sees nothing.

Harley.
Yeah.

I need you to go
back to the van

and bring me
that, uh, secret tool kit.

How will I know
which ones they are?

It's the one that says
"secret tool kit."

Oh, okay. Okay, okay.

What are you doing?
Did you not see me?

Hello. I am the pedestrian.
I get the right-of-way, right?

Dude, it's
an empty parking lot.

Jesus Louise-us!

What are you
doing here anyhow?

What does it look
like I'm doing?

Uh, I think that
a hottie-tottie like
yourself on Christmas Eve

would be somewhere
sunning yourself in
some hotel or something.

Wait. What's a hottie-tottie?

I think my grandmother
drinks those.

Actually, a hottie-tottie
is an explanation--

a kind of expression--
Forget I asked.

Nothing but my boring parents
in Cabo,

so I struck a plea bargain
with the 'rents,

and I got the 11 a.m. flight
out of there.

Well, I mean, you know
we're having Christmas Eve
dinner at the gallery,

and I'm sure there's enough
lo mein for you to join us.

Yeah, I saw the letter that
Jennifer left for Cassie
that you guys are here.

Oh, okay.

That's odd.
What?

The alarm seems to be
switched off, no?

[knocks]

Hello!

Did you hear that?
I think they're in there.

Let's go around the side
and see if there's
a window or something.

[snaps fingers]
Well, the door's
still locked.

And I've gotta take a piss.

Duncan, can you please
help me to take a piss?

Where's the restrooms, man?
This is your spot.

Frank, I can't do anything
until the doors are unlocked.

So can we just talk
about something else?

Let's tell a story.
Maybe a good Christmas story.

Bert, you got
a Christmas story?

Christmas stories?
You guys really wanna
tell Christmas stories?

You got a better idea?

Hey, Bert, what you got?

I'm down for a good
Christmas story.

Oh, you want
Christmas stories?

I don't have any Christmas
stories. I never had Christmas.

I'm Christmas-challenged.

Oh, but I bet you have
a good Hannukah story.

[Jewish accent]
You vant a Hannukah story?

[laughs]

Okay, Hannukah story, yes.

I'm 12 years old,
give or take.

And, uh...
it's the last night
of Hannukah.

We'd just lit the Menorah.
All eight candles
burning bright.

And my dad calls me
in the office,

and he gives me
his pocket watch.

And this was
his father's pocket watch
that he got in the war.

This was the only thing
my father has ever given me.

It's probably the best present
I've ever gotten.

A pocket watch was the best
present you ever got?

So wait, what happened to it?
Do you wear it?

No, I do not have it.

What do you mean
you don't have it?

I, um... Honestly?

Yeah, of course, honestly.

I, um, I pawned it.

Your grandfather's watch?

I was in a fight
with my parents.

They wouldn't let me go
to this Sonic Youth show

so I went down, I pawned it,
I got 170 bucks for it.

I hitchhiked to New York.

I bummed around
for a couple weeks.
I came back.

You had to have
gotten it back.

I did go back.
Of course I went
back to get it.

I went back a month later
when I had money,
but it was gone.

Oh, just
cheered me up, Bert.

How wonderful.

Come on, guys.
This is so depressing.
It's Christmastime.

Duncan, look,
this is depressing.

I know this is your gallery,
and I don't mean any kind
of disrespect whatsoever,

but this is the last place
I want to be.

Okay? I've got two
little baby brothers
and a mama who love me.

She works two day jobs
and one night job just
to put me through school.

But I can't be there
'cause I have to work here

if I want to try to get
my college degree.

It sucks, you know.

And speaking of food,
where is Alfred?

Okay, I'm starving.
He should have been back
a long time ago.

[Alfred]
Hello?

What was that?
Did you guys hear that?

Yeah, I don't know.
That was weird.

[Alfred shouting]

Hello!

Hello? Alfred, is that you?
Alfred, get us out of here!

Oh, my gosh.
They're locked in there.

They must have
tripped the system
and locked themselves in.

Get us out of here!

Alfred, we're locked in.
Can you hear me?

Hello?

Alfred?

[Alfred]
Bloody idiot.

[Paige]
Do you know how
to unlock it?

This kind of programming
on the electronics is
like for fourth graders.

Alfred!
Al!

[All]
Alfred!

We're locked in here.

I can do it in my sleep, no?

Who's that coming?
Quick!

Hey, Har.

Check out my new knife.

A knife? What do
you need that for?

For stabbing people.

You ain't stabbing nobody.
Put that away!

You never know.
We're robbers now.

[whispers]
What are they
talking about?

What was that?

It was probably
just a squirrel.

A squirrel?
I like squirrels.

No, no, Buzz.
We don't have time
to capture squirrels.

We gotta get the art
and get out.

Those kids are not going to be
locked up for too much longer.

Sometimes you can be
a real "buzz" kill.
[snickers]

Get it? Buzz kill?

That's the funniest thing
you ever said.

I gotta remember that one.
It was good.

I gotta get those tools.

Alfred?
Where did he go?

They're robbing the gallery?
Quick, get your cell phone
and call the cops.

We need to get the guys
out of there pronto.

For reals?
My cell phone doesn't work.

He couldn't just
leave us here, right?

I'm sure
he'll be back.

Guys, I hate to rain on
our little parade here,

but I think something
serious is going down.

I came from Cabo
from a five-star hotel

doing Alfredo pasta.

"There's nothing
we can do about that."

Will you just shut up
for one second in
your entire life, please?

I need to think.

The schiznit is definitely
going down, and I can smell it.

I don't want
to sound crazy

but are we in the middle
of a robbery?

Look, guys, we don't
know that for sure.

The only thing we know
is Alfred's outside

and Buzz has been
working on the lock.

Shut up, Duncan.
This is all your fault.

How is this
my fault?

Because this whole thing
was your stupid idea.

Guys...

I think I got it.
All I need to do

is go to my car
and go into the trunk.

In the trunk is
all the tools we need
to hack into the alarm.

Then we can use that
to contact the authorities.

You're in no danger,
Paige.

Promise?

Pinky promise.

Guess what, Cassie?
Life really isn't that hard.

Shut up, Frank. You don't
know anything about me.

So keep your fat ass opinions
to yourself.
Nice.

Hey, Cassie, that's not fair.
He's just trying to be friendly.

Does Little Miss Perfect
have something to say now?

Cassie, shut it.

What? We all know it's true.

Lemme guess. Mommy and Daddy
wanted you to come home
for the holidays,

but you chose to stay here
to study the exhibit

to be artsy
and unique, right?

I bet they sent you
a Christmas package full
of easels and new paints.

Lemme guess. Plane ticket
to go to Florence over
spring break, too?

You're going to Florence
over spring break? Me, too.

Ugh. I'm gonna puke.

Cassie, if you hate
everyone so much,

what are you doing here
over Christmas break?

Let me guess.

You had nowhere else to go.

Yeah, you're right.
Does that make you feel better?

I'm here because my parents
don't give a crap about me.

They have no sense of family,
let alone the holidays.

So if I would have went home,
I would've just been invisible.

That's why I'm here.

I have nowhere better
to be on Christmas Eve

than at school
with you losers.

Well, Cassie,
if you see us as losers,

then you'll always
be miserable.

You ready?
Of course.

I'm a professional,

unlike some people
whom I don't want to name.

You and that idiot
brother of yours.

He is outside
on the lookout?

Yep. He's on top of it.
Good.

Okay, let's do
some stealing.

Okay.

I'll bet you
this one's worth a lot.

Yeah. Hey, don't
touch it. Don't!

Oh, no, no, no.
This is very bad, Paige.

What's bad?
I left my keys in the car
from our near collision.

What are we gonna do?

Don't worry. I can
still hack the system

even without my tools.

Give me your cell phone.

I think not.

Do you trust me?

Texting sometimes works
even when the phone doesn't.

All I need is a little
bit of signal. It will send
the text out instantly.

I've memorized
Antoine Luc's number,
so here goes.

* Party in the limo
on the way to Barbados *

* There's a party in the limo
on the way to Barbados *

Okay. That should be it.

Ohh! You're like
an Indian MacGyver.

I get that a lot.

Come. It's time to go.
No time to dilly-dally.

Ah.

What are we going to do?

Just follow my lead.

[urinating]

[sniffs]
Lo mein.

[sniffing]

Hey. Harley must have
gotten dinner. All right.

Yeah.

[laughs]

That's pee!
Blecch! Blecch!

Ohh! Ohh!

Paige!

Go around
the corner, quick.

Talk to the guys and tell them
about the robbers, no?

[groaning]

Oh, shut it, you dimwit.

Jennifer! Duncan!

Wait. Paige, is that you?
Jennifer?

Duncan?
Can anyone hear me?

Hello?
You guys be quiet.
I can't hear.

I came back from Cabo
to save you.
Thank God you're here.

We've got to get you guys
out of here before
the robbers come back.

I told you guys
this was a robbery.
I knew it.

Yeah. These idiots
in Santa costumes are
trying to rob the gallery.

They have knives.

Did you call the police?
We can't.

The cell phones won't work.

But Alfred sent
a text to Antoine.

You know,
he's really handy.
He's kinda cute.

I'm gonna go
check on him.

Okay.

I got it, Paige!
I got it!

** [singing gibberish]

Jennifer,
I'll be right there.

I think he just
hacked the alarm.

** [gibberish]

Just please hurry.

He got it.
Guys, he got it!
Let's get out of here!

Let's eat!
He got the door open!

Need a way
to get out of here.

Alfred Chandavarkar,
at your service.

[laughs]

Thanks. I'm so hungry.

Guys, Alfred...

Are they coming?
Where's the Chinese food?

Here's your stinkin'
Chinese food.

I smell pee.

It's my peepee they smell of.

Buzz, what are you guys doing?
What are you guys wearing?

The gun!

Oh, no,
we don't have no gun.

But I got a knife!
And I got these!

All right, everybody
just calm down.

Put your hands on your head,
and nobody's gonna--

Not you!

See? It's a good thing
I brought the knife.

It was a pretty good thing
that you brought that knife.

Bring 'em over to those chairs
and cinch them up good.

Let's go!

Let's go!
Over here! Line up!

Okay. Hey, Buzz, Buzz. Shh!

All right, okay.
All right, yeah.

Oh, my God. This text says
the gallery's in trouble
and no one's answering.

We have to get back there
as soon as possible.

[speaking French]

[zip]

Gettin' a little rough,
ain't ya?
[zip]

[zip]

[zip]

I had to use two zip-ties
on the big guy.

Yeah, well, maybe
now they'll learn
to keep their noses

out of other people's
business.

Buzz, Harley,
why are you guys
doing this?

You've worked for
the gallery for years.

Duncan, it's just business,
okay? Just business, Duncan.

Merry Christmas, Duncan.
Yeah, Merry Christmas, though.
Merry Christmas, everybody.

Ugh! Rip my face.
I'm so freaking hungry!

That's not necessary.
Gonna have to
eat you first, Frank.

What? Eat me?

Got the most meat, man.

That's cold-blooded,
skinny man.

Guys, chill out.
Nobody's gonna eat anyone.

We just gotta put our heads
together and figure a way
out of this.

Chill out? Really?

I am done with staying calm,
okay? This is serious.

I can't be calm anymore.

I'm sorry.
I am fresh out of calm!

I'm sorry. I'm just--

Ugh! I'm so frustrated.

Listen, I wasn't even
supposed to be here.

I just thought it would be
fun to hang out with you.

What?

I should've went
snowboarding instead.

You are so...
You are so egotistical.

Excuse me?

When I saw you
that night at the dorm,

I pretended like
I didn't know you.

But of course I know
who you are, Duncan.

Everyone knows who you are.

Just because you're the most
popular guy in school,

and you come from this
prestigious family,

it doesn't mean you can
just have any girl you want.

That is so untrue.
Where is this coming from?

If you wanted to just
hang out with me,

why didn't you
just say something,

and we could've avoided
this whole situation?

So, yeah, maybe you should've
gone snowboarding.

Duncan?

What?

I'm not judging your moral
character or anything.

I'm just asking out
of curiosity, you know.

Man, why are you lying?

What am I lying about?

About why you're here.

I spoke to Nguyen today.

She told me that
she flunked you
out of the class,

and that's why you have
to work at the exhibit.

[Bert scoffs]
You flunked art history?

That's hilarious, man.
That's a bird course.

No one flunks art.

You flunked art.
Bert, shut up, man.
You wouldn't understand.

None of you would understand.

[coughs]
Sorry.

I mean, you could
at least try us.

[Frank]
Yeah, come on, man.

Just try to open up.
It might make you feel better.

Look, I come from a family
that built itself from nothing.

My grandfather
and grandmother,
they had nothing.

Everyone told them that
being a hopeless artist

was impractical
and misguided.

But they proved
everyone wrong

and built an empire
worth millions.

I have no idea what
I want to do with my life.

I have no drive,
I have no passion,

minimal talent.

I suck at school.

I'm an average athlete,

and I failed
Professor Nguyen's
art history class.

How embarrassing
is that?

It's okay, Duncan.
I failed that class, too.

I am not the guy that everyone
thinks I should be, okay?

I struggle with life
just like you guys.

I have a mom and dad
who are 60-year-old
trust fund adults.

that also wouldn't realize
if I was with them
or not right now.

And to be honest,

I hate Christmas, too, Cassie.

[Cassie]
Well, look at that.

The little rich boy
does have a soul.

I'm sorry, Duncan. I...

I shouldn't have said that.

This is all
really deep, guys.

I mean, it reminds me
of when my dog Misty died.

It was a freak
motorcycle accident
in my driveway.

My ex-boyfriend
ran over him.

[laughs]

This is not funny.

I'm serious!

Okay, gents, it's time to
make a clean swipe-a-rino

and collect...

oh, and collect them balls.

Schwing, schwing.
You got it.

Meow.

Careful, Harley!

These aren't
the counterfeits.

Mess 'em up,
and they're worthless.

Okay!

Counterfeits?

[snaps fingers]

[Bert]
What are these guys up to?

They're like stealing
the whole exhibit

and replacing them
with counterfeits.

There's like seven of us.
Let's do something about it.

I think I have a plan.

Painting suits you, dude.

Oh, thanks.
It's very expensive.

Don't get too close,
you hear?

Dude, I'm not
going anywhere. Look.

I was just coming over
to ask you a question.

I was wondering if you knew
a professor called Nadia Nguyen.

What about her?

Oh, nothing.

Oh, wait.

Just that I was
speaking to her tonight,

and I think she
was asking about you.

Really?
What did she say?

She was asking me
if that cutie-cutie pie
security guard

still worked here.

What cutie-cutie
security guard?

You, Dumbo!
Ohh!

Really?
Mm!

We were talking,

and she was
asking me questions,

and then she said
that she's going
to come down tonight,

and she was hoping
to find somebody
under the mistletoe.

That could be me!

That could be you
under the mistletoe.

[Jimmy]
Harley!

Quit talkin'
to the brats

and get back to work!

Thanks.
Just helping a brother out.

Gotta go!

[Buzz]
Where you going, Harley?

I gotta load
this painting,

and then I gotta
go call Erma

and tell her
we're right on track.

Did he just say Erma?

We gotta do something.
This is crazy.

Holy crap.
He's talking about the dean.

Uh, hello?

Where are you?

I'm at the gallery.
Is this Erma?

Yes, it is, you idiot.
What's going on over there?

Um, nothin'.

What do you mean,
nothing?

We're just stealing the art.

Have there been
any screw-ups?

Define "screw-up."

Don't play stupid
with me, Harley.

No, nothing's wrong.

All on schedule.

Don't you
screw this up for me.

Do I need to come over there?
[static]

Hey, Harley-- Harley!
[imitating static]
You're break--

You're breaking--
I'll call you--

[imitating static]

Damn it!

[sighs]
What about you, Jen?

What about me?
Yeah.

I have a feeling that
you're not exactly who we
summed you up to be, either.

Not exactly.

So...

what is your story?

It's nothing.
I don't know.

Come on, Jen.
We're all friends here.

Guys, if she doesn't
want to talk about it,

don't make her
talk about it.
What's the big deal?

Well, I guess my favorite
Christmas story

would have to be...

every Christmas
before I was 12.

Every year, my parents
would put me to bed early,

and I would lay by the door
and just listen to them
going back and forth

and back and forth
and back and forth

toting presents to the tree.

I guess that's when
I realized there was
no Santa Claus.

There's no Santa Claus?

After they had gone to sleep,
I would sneak out
into the living room

and look at that beautiful tree
and the stockings and...

just the silence...

and that feeling of...

family and warmth.

I love that feeling.

So, yeah, I guess that's my--
that's my favorite Christmas.

We all gotta grow up
at some point, I guess.

What's wrong?

My parents were killed
in a car accident
shortly after that.

I'm so sorry, Jennifer.
I... can't imagine
how it must feel.

It was a hit and run.
They never found the guy, so--

Jen, I am so sorry.

[inhales]

Christmas isn't exactly
the same anymore.

You have us.

She has us.

I... definitely have you guys.

I'd rather not have you
in this situation, but...

[laughs]

[humming]

Uh, Jimmy,
we got trouble.

What trouble?
The dean.

I think she
may be on to us.

What? What the hell
did you say to her?

Nothing,
but she sounded mad,

and I think she's
on her way here.

Huh?

All right, all right.
Take these paintings
out to the van right away.

You got it, Boss.
Go.

And, uh, Buzz!

Uh, gag those kids.

And put duct tape
around their mouth!

What? I can't do that.

I duct taped my mouth shut
one time, and it really hurt.

And I got thirsty.

Just do it!

And flip 'em
on their backs,

so... make sure
they can't move.

Oh, Harley,
one other thing!

Buzz, Buzz,
come here, come here.

You are in a lot of trouble,
my friend.

I'm not gonna
hurt you, Duncan

You're never gonna
get away with this.

[Bert]
Hey, Buzz.

You know I always liked you.

It's a shame, really, because
what Jennifer said earlier

about Santa Claus
not being real,

it's not true, man.

Yeah. Santa Claus...

is totally real, man.

But since you've been
so naughty this year,

you ain't gonna
get nothing.

That's not true.
Harley said I was.

Harley is a liar.

Buzz, I think
I hear Jimmy.
Jimmy?

If he sees you talking to us,
he's gonna be pissed.

You better go.
Thanks!

I got a gun in the van.
When you're done...

Pretty scary stuff, Jimmy.

Just do it!

Or I'll be done
with you, too.

Hey, hurry up.
Come on.

Hey, do you think
we're scared of you?

Cassie,
don't tempt the man.

What did you just say?
[Cassie]
You heard me.

If I were you, missy,
I'd shut your little trap
or else.

Or else what?

Or else I can
get very ugly.

Ready?
No.

One...
What am I doing?

You're jumping
on his back.
Shut up.

Two...
Shut up.

I bet you wanna
go back to jail.

Three! Go, go, go!

[shouting]

[yells]

Buzz!

Aaahhh!

Help, please!
Help over here!

I can't breathe!
Where's the art, Buzz?

Don't tell him, Buzz!
You better,
or this is gonna hurt.

Don't tell him, Buzz!

You wouldn't! Oww!

See? I told you.
It's gonna be slow torture.

Now, where's the art?
Buzz, don't tell him.
Don't tell him, Buzz.

It's in the van outside
right around the corner.
Door's unlocked.

You can go get it.
[Jimmy]
You idiot!

Tie 'em up.
Let's tie 'em.

Oh, you idiot!

Shut up.

Oh, Buzz.

* It's Christmastime again *

* Let all your good cheer in *

* It's Christmastime
It's Christmastime again *

So, I guess this is it.

Yeah.
Hey, hey!

That must be the dean.

Harley? Harley!
Pretend
to be the guy.

Uh, hello?

Is it done?
Yeah, Boss.

Did you guys drop off the art
at the designated location

and beat each other up?

Yeah, Boss.
All right.
Now make sure that

you guys tie each other up
real good

so that it looks like
a big break-in.

Sure thing, Boss.

Good. Now...

I'm gonna give you guys
an hour,

then I'm gonna
call the cops,

so you'll have
plenty of time.

And then I'm gonna call
the Douvets.

Think of it.

Their son is home
during the holidays,

and his own gallery
gets robbed?

[laughs]
What a spectacle.

And I'll be the one
to save the day.

I'll be a hero.

You got it, Dean McBride.

Great work, idiots.

Looks like these guys
had a plan of their own.

Yeah, and not very subtle.

Hey, so let's get
the originals back
in the gallery,

and then we'll move
the goons in here,

make the dean think
that she saved the day.

Sounds good to me.

Duncan, I just wanted
to say I'm sorry.

I don't see you that way,
and I...

I didn't mean that.

It's okay. We were all
a little stressed in there.

Yeah, but I'm sure your parents
are really proud of you.

Thank you.

Hopefully they'll
let me put my painting
in a better spot.

Your painting? You paint?

What are you talking about,
your painting?

The one I showed you.

What?

The one by the mistletoe.

Duncan, that's...
that's amazing.

You're--
You're really talented.

I can't believe
you didn't say something.

That painting's amazing.

You know, your parents
would be proud of you, too.

You were really brave
in there.

And I want to apologize
for lying to you.

I was a little
embarrassed.

And for being an idiot
for trying to make
a move on you

under the mistletoe.
I, uh--

Sometimes I think I'm more
suave than I really am.

I just really like you.

You like me?

Yeah.

* Joy to the world *

* Lord is come *

* Let Earth receive her king *

* Let every heart *
Merry Christmas, Duncan.

* Prepare him room *
Merry Christmas.

* And heaven and nature sing *

We better get back inside.

Okay.
Why don't we move the originals
back to the gallery

Okay.

* Joy to the world *

* The Savior reigns *

* Let men their songs employ *

* While fields and floods *

* Rock, hills and plains *

* Repeat the sounding joy *

* Repeat the sounding joy *

* Repeat, repeat
the sounding joy *

That is so good.

Tell me about it.

You know, I'm so glad I got
a chance to get to know
all of you.

I mean, I never would've
thought I'd be friends
with any of you.

Me, too.
You?

You know, Frank,
I'm really sorry
I was so mean to you.

I mean, I don't really know
why I can be such a shrew.

It just kinda comes
naturally.

My God. I'm in
the Twilight Zone.

Am I hearing you right?
Are you okay?
You feel all right?

A smile looks
really good on you.

You really should
try it on...
Thank you.

a little more.

You know, maybe we should,
you know,

in a non-hostage-type--

Maybe we should--
What?

I was, um...
Are you hitting
on Cassie?

No. No.
[laughs]

[sirens]
I-- I'd love to, Bert.

[Dean]
Here we go, Officers.
Right this way.

Right this way.
They're in the van.

I captured them myself.
There is, um--

I thought you said
there was just two of them.

I, uh-- Well,
I meant there were three.

There's three of 'em.

Erma, what are you saying? Erma!

She's lying, coppers!
Don't believe her!

All right, everyone,
what the hell is going on here?
Someone tell me right now.

These idiots tried to rob
the gallery for Dean McBride,

while she's comes in and
acts like she saves the day.

That is a bold-faced lie,
Officers!

These kids,
they're out to get me.

But these goons were gonna
double-cross her.

What are you talking about,
little missy?

[gasps]

Counterfeits?
Counterfeit?

That's right, Erma!
We was gonna scam you, too!

[Buzz]
Yeah!
Will you two idiots shut up

and wait for an attorney?

You're a disgrace to
the criminal community.

You're gonna
pay for this, Harley.

You had been nicer to us,
we wouldn't have
turned on you, Erma!

I got your nice...

Hey!
Step back, step back.

Traitors. Traitors!
Traitors! Traitors!

You!
Both of you! Traitors!

Officer, I think you'll find
that the van belongs
to Mrs. Dean.

Huh?

Ma'am, you're under arrest
for attempted grand theft.

You have the right
to remain silent.

I hate college kids.
I hate all of you!

I hate you!

Sing it, sister.

Au revoir, madam.

What is in that box?

Come on.

Should we open it?

The box?

You be nice to him.
Be nice to my brother.

Open it, open it!

Ahem. "Dear tall, dark
Italiano...

"named Harley.

Merry Christmas.
Please open with care."

I ain't goin'.

It's a present for Harley?

I know he's a criminal,
but it is Christmas.

Maybe we should
give it to him.

I don't wanna go.
You have to go.
Come on.

Okay.

Move it.
Okay.

Hey, Harley,
you got a present here.

A present? From who?

We don't really know.

Could somebody help me
unwrap the present?

Hi, gang!
[laughs]

Merry Christmas!

Nadia!

I surprise you
for Christmas.

You're the best
Christmas gift ever.

Very sexy.

Hey, enough of that.
Enough of that.
Come on. Let's go.

Harley-san!

Harley-san!

Harley-san!

I think
you'll find us both--

I wait for you,
Harley-san.
Okay.

My darling!

Jenny?

He spent a ton
on you there.

Super.

Antoine!
What is this? I came
as soon as I got the text!

The dean tried
to rob the gallery,
but we stopped them.

No!
Thank goodness
you kids stopped that.

If they took
the collection,

it would be devastating
for this gallery.

We're gonna
go back to the--

You guys can handle
this situation.
Frank?

I'll make
Christmas pancakes
for everybody.

How's that sound, huh?
Yeah!

Alfred!
Yes, Paige?

I was wondering
what you're doing.
What do you mean?

Well, I wanted to know,
do you want to go on
a Christmas walk with me.

I'd very much
like that, Paige.

Yay!

[sobs]

Uncle Harry?

Oh, hey, Jen.

How long have you
been sitting here?

Not long. Just...

like four hours.

What's going on?
What happened?

Where's Hannah Montana?

She left me.
[sobs]

She left me.

She did?

Come here.

I'm sorry.

Do you wanna
talk about it?

I put on
my favorite cardigan,

and I put on
my favorite Chicago album.

That's sweet.
Yeah, I think so.

And then I got down
one one knee,

and I, uh,
pulled out the ring,

and I asked her to join me
in holy matrimony.

And what did she say?

You know, "You're fun,
and you're old.

You're an old man."

I'm sorry, Harry.

Even if that was
kind of predictable.

Look at me. I'm not
getting any younger.

I don't wanna be alone.

Harry, you're not alone.

You know, if I learned
something this Christmas,

it's that being family
isn't about being
related to someone.

It's about being there
for each other

and having people in your life
who you know will do
anything for you.

And I'm sure another
woman's gonna come along

who's gonna be better suited
for you than Carrie.

Hah!

Did you see
the legs on her?

Ohh...
Yes.

my God!

You wanna have dinner
at my place tonight?

Absolutely.
Okay.

You know,
can I bring some friends?

Are they single?

Harry!
What? Ouch.

[chuckles]

Can I wear
my Santa outfit?

No. No. I think we've had
enough Santa outfits
for a year.

I don't think so.

[Alfred]
Pig!

[laughter]

[chatter]

So...

[Jennifer]
Bert and Cassie
eloped in Vegas.

He's currently making
a documentary about her
professional tennis career.

Albert and Paige got married.

After honeymooning
at her family's
Caribbean vacation home,

they moved to Palo Alto,
where he founded
a software company.

He became a billionaire by 23

and has since
lost his virginity.

Frank, I know you're lonely
this year,

and since you can't see
your family on Christmas,

I made you these cookies.

Paige!

Frank finally lost
the weight he wanted.

He recently ran
the Los Angeles Marathon

and launched
a line of diet-friendly
gourmet pizza candles.

Antoine and his husband Marcus

never did get to take
their trip to Barbados.

He still works at
the Douvet Gallery,

and Marcus is currently
a judge on a popular
fashion reality series.

Professor Nadia Nguyen
waited 12 months for
Harley to come home

from his vacation at
the local minimum security
correction facility.

She took a sabbatical
from the college

and is currently touring
with him in a used Winnebago.

Dean McBride was sentenced
to 10 years at the Ferrero
State Women's Prison,

where she is currently
the dean of their
vocational art program.

As for Duncan and I,
we just got engaged.

I've opened my own little
art gallery in Silverlake,

and we're showing
an exhibition

of Duncan Douvet's
greatest works.

[Duncan]
Merry Christmas, everyone.

Happy holidays,
my sweet, sweet friends.

To a holiday heist.

To a holiday heist.

[glasses clinking]

No one clinked my glass.

I didn't get clinked
by anybody.

* You bet I'll get you high *

* I'm no virgin
Achin', restless *

* Right before your eyes *

* So scandalous *

* If you show me yours
I'll show you *

* Mine, mine *

* Don't usually know
this quickly *

* But you feel so good on me *

* Your kisses
feel like Christmas *

* Unwrap my inhibitions *