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1
00:00:00,922 --> 00:00:04,824
You're definitely gonna
get this on. You ready?
2
00:00:04,892 --> 00:00:06,655
Uh, yeah. I guess.
Okay.
3
00:00:06,727 --> 00:00:10,720
He knew that if the gooks were to get their
hands on the watch, they would take it.
4
00:00:10,798 --> 00:00:12,732
So he shoved it...
up his ass!
5
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,598
I have no idea what you're doing.
Why, it's Christopher Walken!
6
00:00:15,670 --> 00:00:16,932
It sounded like Rosie
Perez or something.
7
00:00:17,004 --> 00:00:18,904
Come on!
That was a perfect Walken...
8
00:00:18,973 --> 00:00:21,533
and it's gonna win me the
talent show. What talent show?
9
00:00:21,609 --> 00:00:24,737
The one I throw for the pub
crawl. Are you doing that again?
10
00:00:24,812 --> 00:00:26,939
Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, it's not
really a talent show anyway.
11
00:00:27,014 --> 00:00:29,983
She just gets the most untalented people
in Philly to enter the competition...
12
00:00:30,051 --> 00:00:32,144
so she can win it, and then
she never wins it anyway.
13
00:00:32,219 --> 00:00:33,743
No. Last year she got
smoked by this chick...
14
00:00:33,821 --> 00:00:35,311
who ate, like, 50 hot
dogs in three seconds.
15
00:00:35,389 --> 00:00:36,947
That was amazing!
That was not talent.
16
00:00:37,024 --> 00:00:39,424
Guys, guys, guys! I got some
news! Some terrible news!
17
00:00:39,493 --> 00:00:43,520
We got a huge problem. Can we stop
for a second and talk about this?
18
00:00:43,598 --> 00:00:45,623
What?
What's with that jacket?
19
00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:48,430
I was gonna wait on that. I think
we should go over the jacket now.
20
00:00:48,502 --> 00:00:51,266
No, let's hear about it now.
First of all, it's not a jacket.
21
00:00:51,339 --> 00:00:53,068
It's a duster.
It's like a jacket...
22
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,267
only it's longer, thicker
and far more badass.
23
00:00:55,343 --> 00:00:58,210
I look like Lorenzo Lamas,
and women find it irresistible.
24
00:00:58,279 --> 00:01:01,112
Well, that part's just simply
not true. Either way, I like it.
25
00:01:01,182 --> 00:01:03,650
I bought it with the money I
was gonna make at the pub crawl.
26
00:01:03,718 --> 00:01:05,811
Here's the problem. You know that
Korean barbecue joint down the street?
27
00:01:05,886 --> 00:01:07,820
Mr. Kim's? They just
signed up for the pub crawl.
28
00:01:07,888 --> 00:01:10,379
Which means now they're the last
stop! They can't be the last stop.
29
00:01:10,458 --> 00:01:12,824
We're always the last stop! That's the
only time of year we make any money!
30
00:01:12,893 --> 00:01:15,623
They're also experimenting
with a secret microbrew.
31
00:01:15,696 --> 00:01:17,994
Word on the street is that
it's delicious and powerful!
32
00:01:18,065 --> 00:01:19,760
Bullshit!
Yep.
33
00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:23,361
We're the microbrew guys! They can't take
that! Wait. You guys have a microbrew?
34
00:01:23,437 --> 00:01:25,496
Yes! We make a delicious,
amazing microbrew! Really?
35
00:01:25,573 --> 00:01:29,009
Oh, it's amazing. They-They throw
all the skunk beer into a trash can.
36
00:01:29,076 --> 00:01:31,374
And then they sell it
for $10 a glass.
37
00:01:31,445 --> 00:01:33,504
The point is we cannot let
these Koreans steal our thunder!
38
00:01:33,581 --> 00:01:35,674
They wanna make a top
secret microbrew...
39
00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:38,184
We gotta make ours more
powerful! Right! We'll make it...
40
00:01:38,252 --> 00:01:40,550
so strong that people will pass out and
vomit and vomit in their own pass out.
41
00:01:40,621 --> 00:01:42,646
They'll never leave and go
to Kim's in the first place!
42
00:01:42,723 --> 00:01:45,021
Yeah. I will make this year's talent
show the best talent show ever.
43
00:01:45,092 --> 00:01:47,356
Let the men talk, Dee! Let the
men talk! What are you saying?
44
00:01:47,428 --> 00:01:49,419
We're in the middle of an emergency
here! Guys, we gotta move on this.
45
00:01:49,497 --> 00:01:51,488
It's the damn North
Koreans! Damn North Koreans.
46
00:01:51,565 --> 00:01:53,590
Wait. Wait a second. What makes you
guys think they're North Koreans?
47
00:01:53,668 --> 00:01:55,101
That's the bad Korea.
48
00:01:55,169 --> 00:01:56,761
They're the sneaky, bad Korea, man.
49
00:01:56,837 --> 00:01:59,931
The ones on the top and they sneak
down and they eat everybody's pets.
50
00:02:00,007 --> 00:02:02,498
I can't stand it! It's
un-American! All right, goddamn it.
51
00:02:02,576 --> 00:02:05,204
That's it. They're gonna take our
way of life from us. It's bullshit.
52
00:02:05,279 --> 00:02:08,942
Okay, gang. Let's solve this North
Korea situation once and for all.
53
00:02:44,351 --> 00:02:45,978
All right, that's
enough. No, no, no, no.
54
00:02:46,053 --> 00:02:47,782
That's enough moonshine,
Frank! No, no, no, no!
55
00:02:47,855 --> 00:02:49,413
Look, we don't want people
to go blind!
56
00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:51,458
You can never have enough
moonshine. Goddamn it.
57
00:02:51,525 --> 00:02:54,722
Trust me on this. I know what
I'm talking about. How's it taste?
58
00:02:56,797 --> 00:02:58,765
We gotta lace it
with somethin' sweeter.
59
00:02:58,833 --> 00:03:01,563
We gotta add a little
sweetening. Oh, Deandra.
60
00:03:01,635 --> 00:03:04,570
Could you be a darling and run
down and get Daddy some antifreeze?
61
00:03:04,638 --> 00:03:07,334
No. We don't want to kill
people. You're not getting this.
62
00:03:07,408 --> 00:03:10,775
I can't help you guys. I have a very
busy day. I'm auditioning people all day.
63
00:03:10,845 --> 00:03:13,973
And also, you're not my dad. Winning a
talent show that you throw for yourself...
64
00:03:14,048 --> 00:03:16,141
is just about the saddest
thing you've ever done, Dee.
65
00:03:16,217 --> 00:03:18,481
Listen. If this is all about
boosting your self-confidence...
66
00:03:18,552 --> 00:03:22,147
why don't you go out and bang a bunch of
random dudes like you did in the good old days?
67
00:03:23,557 --> 00:03:25,582
This talent show's very
important to me. All right?
68
00:03:25,659 --> 00:03:27,752
And I'm not gonna let you guys
steamroll me like you always do.
69
00:03:27,828 --> 00:03:29,796
Why don't you get Charlie
and Dennis to help you?
70
00:03:29,864 --> 00:03:31,764
Well, Dennis and Charlie are out
collecting intelligence, okay?
71
00:03:31,832 --> 00:03:34,995
Oh! You're playing spies now?
72
00:03:35,069 --> 00:03:37,196
Intel is the name of the game, Dee.
It's all about the intelligence!
73
00:03:37,271 --> 00:03:39,831
Then you picked the wrong
two people. Maybe so.
74
00:03:39,907 --> 00:03:42,137
But we do have
a secret weapon.
75
00:03:48,783 --> 00:03:51,047
That would've been a lot better
if I was wearing the duster, dude.
76
00:03:51,118 --> 00:03:53,245
Come on, dude. It doesn't
fit you. It's too big for you.
77
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,517
That's why it's so awesome on me. It's
like, "Why's that guy in a giant jacket?
78
00:03:56,590 --> 00:03:58,683
Why do you take this away from
me? What is he hiding, dude?"
79
00:03:58,759 --> 00:04:00,886
I just wish you'd let me do it. Can
we just snoop around a little bit?
80
00:04:00,961 --> 00:04:03,259
We can snoop around. But I just...
I should be wearing the duster.
81
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,195
That's the bottom line. No, I'm wearing
the duster. That's the end of it.
82
00:04:05,266 --> 00:04:07,166
Fine. We should drink a
couple of these microbrews.
83
00:04:07,234 --> 00:04:09,464
Let's get some microbrews. That's what
people on the pub crawl are gonna do.
84
00:04:09,537 --> 00:04:10,970
Yeah, I know.
85
00:04:12,373 --> 00:04:14,500
Two microbrews, please.
86
00:04:14,575 --> 00:04:18,067
All right. What is this? "Pub
Crawl Karaoke Contest"? Uhoh.
87
00:04:18,145 --> 00:04:20,670
Bro, "Prize... $500"?
That's not good.
88
00:04:20,748 --> 00:04:22,807
Aw, shit. Look at that
bracket. Do you think that's...
89
00:04:22,883 --> 00:04:25,113
That's what that's for? Oh, that's
for the karaoke contest, bro.
90
00:04:25,186 --> 00:04:28,019
Oh, my God, dude. There's a lot of
names on there. That's huge, man.
91
00:04:28,088 --> 00:04:31,182
That's gonna... Bracketing is a very
intricate and difficult thing to do, man.
92
00:04:31,258 --> 00:04:33,419
They got it down. I gotta
get this intel back to Mac.
93
00:04:33,494 --> 00:04:35,860
Well, don't... Hold on that
because we want to try the... What?
94
00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:37,693
The microbeers?
Yes.
95
00:04:37,765 --> 00:04:39,699
Here we go.
Thank you. Thank you.
96
00:04:41,235 --> 00:04:42,930
Mmm!
Oh, shit.
97
00:04:43,003 --> 00:04:45,597
Goddamn it. That's good.
That is really good.
98
00:04:45,673 --> 00:04:46,901
That's...
That is...
99
00:04:46,974 --> 00:04:48,908
Mmm!
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
100
00:04:51,345 --> 00:04:53,677
Son of a bitch, that's good.
They're putting somethin' in that...
101
00:04:53,747 --> 00:04:56,079
'cause you can't just make beer
like that. What do you mean?
102
00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:58,380
Like they're enriching it?
103
00:04:58,452 --> 00:05:01,148
Are they enriching the...
You cannot...
104
00:05:01,222 --> 00:05:03,486
They're enriching the beers,
Charlie. They're enriching their beer.
105
00:05:06,093 --> 00:05:07,856
That's definitely enriched beer.
That's an enriched beer, dude.
106
00:05:07,928 --> 00:05:09,953
That's not conven... I've only tried
enriched beer like once, I think.
107
00:05:10,030 --> 00:05:12,055
They're not allowed to have the
capabilities to enrich beer here.
108
00:05:12,132 --> 00:05:14,396
Where are they enriching...
What is going on in this place?
109
00:05:14,468 --> 00:05:17,062
Look at all these people, man. They're
like, uh... Oh, there's like brainwash...
110
00:05:17,137 --> 00:05:19,071
They're being brainwashed. Notice
how they're all happy and smiling...
111
00:05:19,139 --> 00:05:20,902
'cause they're drinking enrich...
How old was that bartender?
112
00:05:20,975 --> 00:05:23,375
Was she 16 or 60? You can't
tell. You have no Idea.
113
00:05:23,444 --> 00:05:25,275
They're timeless. They're
endless and timeless.
114
00:05:25,346 --> 00:05:27,610
Oh, God. Damn it, dude. We
are in big trouble here, man.
115
00:05:27,681 --> 00:05:32,141
Oh, shit! Look at that door,
dude. See that door right there?
116
00:05:32,219 --> 00:05:35,780
The one marked "pirate"? You
think a pirate lives in there?
117
00:05:35,856 --> 00:05:39,485
I see a door marked "private. " Is that
the... Is that the door you were talkin' about?
118
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,221
No, I was talking a...
Yeah.
119
00:05:41,295 --> 00:05:42,762
I didn't say...
No, you s...
120
00:05:42,830 --> 00:05:44,661
What did you hear?
121
00:05:44,732 --> 00:05:46,723
I heard you say you saw
a door marked "pirate. "
122
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,427
And "Is there a pirate living in
there?" Yes, that's why you thought...
123
00:05:48,502 --> 00:05:50,868
No. See, that's... Why would there be
a pirate living in a Korean restaurant?
124
00:05:50,938 --> 00:05:53,168
Are we gonna talk about pirates all day?
Or we gonna find out who lives in there?
125
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,538
You're the one that... All
right. Jesus Christ, man.
126
00:05:56,710 --> 00:05:58,940
Here we go. What's
wrong? Come on, open it.
127
00:05:59,013 --> 00:06:00,776
It's locked.
All right...
128
00:06:00,848 --> 00:06:02,816
I'm gonna try this out. What...
What is that? Your apartment key?
129
00:06:02,883 --> 00:06:05,010
Yeah. I'm gonna see if it's gonna
work here. That's not gonna work!
130
00:06:05,085 --> 00:06:06,712
Why not? We're not at
your apartment, shithead!
131
00:06:06,787 --> 00:06:08,755
How many possible lock combinations
can there be? Oh, so many, dude!
132
00:06:08,822 --> 00:06:11,052
Like hundreds of millions. Well,
eventually they're gonna overlap.
133
00:06:11,125 --> 00:06:12,922
They're not ever gonna over... You know
what? You're right. It's not working.
134
00:06:12,993 --> 00:06:14,620
Oh, no shit. No shit.
It was worth a try.
135
00:06:14,695 --> 00:06:15,957
It was not worth a try.
Well...
136
00:06:16,030 --> 00:06:18,260
Move over. I'm gonna, like,
kick the door or some shit.
137
00:06:18,332 --> 00:06:20,095
You're gonna kick it?
Really?
138
00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:22,192
Damn, dude. This thing is like...
What?
139
00:06:22,269 --> 00:06:24,362
Enriched in its own way. All right.
Let me try something else here.
140
00:06:24,438 --> 00:06:26,030
Try a spin kick. Try
a spin kick. Spin kick?
141
00:06:26,106 --> 00:06:28,074
Yeah. You think you can
do it? I'm not even sure...
142
00:06:28,142 --> 00:06:29,575
Okay.
143
00:06:31,412 --> 00:06:34,210
Sons of... All right, I'm
gonna kick. You ram. Go!
144
00:06:35,616 --> 00:06:37,550
Nice. Good.
145
00:06:40,254 --> 00:06:42,449
How is that not working?
No, I don't know.
146
00:06:42,523 --> 00:06:44,423
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm all right.
147
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,459
All right, we're gonna do that some more.
But let's get some more of that enriched beer.
148
00:06:46,527 --> 00:06:48,518
Mm-hmm. I'm gonna call Mac
and give him the intel.
149
00:06:48,595 --> 00:06:49,527
Yeah.
150
00:06:49,663 --> 00:06:50,925
Holy shit!
151
00:06:50,998 --> 00:06:54,092
All right, see what else you can
find out, and call me back. Good work.
152
00:06:54,168 --> 00:06:56,398
Forget the microbrew.
What's the intel?
153
00:06:56,470 --> 00:06:59,405
They're having a karaoke contest.
Oh!
154
00:06:59,473 --> 00:07:01,202
I'm elevating us to threat
level yellow. It's time.
155
00:07:01,275 --> 00:07:02,742
Yellow?
Yeah. It's time.
156
00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:05,040
What were we before?
Orange, of course.
157
00:07:05,112 --> 00:07:06,977
Orange is much more
threatening than yellow!
158
00:07:07,047 --> 00:07:09,038
No, that's an old system.
It doesn't work anymore.
159
00:07:09,116 --> 00:07:11,311
Clearly yellow... You go
from yellow to orange to red!
160
00:07:11,385 --> 00:07:13,250
Yellow is more threatening than
orange! Frank, this is orange!
161
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:14,548
Have you seen this?
Yellow, orange, red!
162
00:07:14,621 --> 00:07:16,145
This is yellow! See this?
Red, red!
163
00:07:16,223 --> 00:07:17,918
Is this more threatening?
Yellow, orange, red!
164
00:07:17,992 --> 00:07:19,892
It's backwards going to yellow.
Wow.
165
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,484
Elevate...
Color fight. Listen.
166
00:07:21,562 --> 00:07:23,757
I need you monkeys outta here
'cause my contestants are waiting.
167
00:07:23,831 --> 00:07:25,492
That's a no can do,
and I'll tell you why.
168
00:07:25,566 --> 00:07:28,034
The Koreans have escalated the
conflict. So I've upgraded us to yellow.
169
00:07:28,102 --> 00:07:30,263
I don't know what that means. It means
we're taking over the talent show.
170
00:07:30,337 --> 00:07:31,827
What? No, you're not!
It's already done.
171
00:07:31,905 --> 00:07:33,372
Go on.
I knew it. I told you.
172
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,135
You're trying to steamroll
me. It's not gonna work. Go on.
173
00:07:35,209 --> 00:07:37,734
I'm gonna win this competition. There's
nothing you guys can do about it.
174
00:07:37,811 --> 00:07:40,177
You're not even gonna be in
it, Dee. You have to face facts.
175
00:07:40,247 --> 00:07:42,340
You have no talent.
You're talentless, sweetie.
176
00:07:42,416 --> 00:07:44,543
Oh, really?
Oh, is that so?
177
00:07:44,618 --> 00:07:47,314
Why don't you take a gander at this?
178
00:07:47,388 --> 00:07:50,118
No, Mookie. I don't wanna
do it. It's too hot outside.
179
00:07:50,190 --> 00:07:52,124
Right?
180
00:07:52,192 --> 00:07:54,922
What was that?
What the hell is that?
181
00:07:54,995 --> 00:07:56,758
Rosie Perez!
What?
182
00:07:56,830 --> 00:07:59,560
That's terrible. Oh, come
on! You love that one!
183
00:07:59,633 --> 00:08:01,362
You know what, Dee?
You're a judge. That's it.
184
00:08:01,435 --> 00:08:03,926
Dee's gonna be a
judge. And you know why?
185
00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:07,201
Because sitting in judgment of other people is
the greatest way to make yourself feel better.
186
00:08:07,274 --> 00:08:09,208
Problem solved.
187
00:08:09,276 --> 00:08:10,607
And go.
All right, again.
188
00:08:10,677 --> 00:08:12,907
And go. You might have to
give me the duster back.
189
00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:15,312
It's not working, man.
Aw, it'll work. Go!
190
00:08:15,382 --> 00:08:17,111
All right, it's not working,
dude. All right, okay.
191
00:08:17,184 --> 00:08:18,811
I gotta use your head or
something. All right, yes, yes.
192
00:08:18,886 --> 00:08:20,945
Hold me sideways and use my
head like a battering ram.
193
00:08:21,021 --> 00:08:23,319
All right. Now pick me
up off the ground, okay?
194
00:08:23,390 --> 00:08:24,721
Why are you people
ruining my door?
195
00:08:24,792 --> 00:08:26,726
Yes! Good! Hello!
All right. Yeah.
196
00:08:26,794 --> 00:08:30,594
Are you the owner?
I owner. I Mr. Kim.
197
00:08:30,664 --> 00:08:32,598
All right.
Okay, good. Well, Mr...
198
00:08:32,666 --> 00:08:37,262
Wait. You say Mr. Kim?
Yes! I Mr. Kim!
199
00:08:37,337 --> 00:08:41,205
Wow. You should really do something
different with your hair because...
200
00:08:41,275 --> 00:08:43,675
Yeah. You're not coming
across at all like a man to me.
201
00:08:43,744 --> 00:08:46,076
You don't look or seem
like a man. Look...
202
00:08:46,146 --> 00:08:49,240
If you don't tell us what's in
that microbrew, so help me, God...
203
00:08:49,316 --> 00:08:52,183
we will send you people
back to the Stone Age.
204
00:08:52,252 --> 00:08:55,187
I no respond to bully!
205
00:08:57,257 --> 00:08:59,248
What are you
gonna do about it?
206
00:08:59,326 --> 00:09:01,157
You're messin' with
the wrong country, pal!
207
00:09:01,228 --> 00:09:03,025
That's an act of aggression
right there, buddy!
208
00:09:03,097 --> 00:09:05,224
Every Asian know martial arts? They
have to learn it when they grow up.
209
00:09:05,299 --> 00:09:06,323
That's right.
It's like school.
210
00:09:08,402 --> 00:09:10,996
Yes!
211
00:09:11,071 --> 00:09:13,164
Okay, okay. Okay!
212
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,538
Oh, God. Jesus! That
guy is such a dickhead!
213
00:09:15,609 --> 00:09:17,941
You don't have to take that
from him. I hope you know that.
214
00:09:18,011 --> 00:09:21,037
If I don't do what he say,
he punish me!
215
00:09:21,115 --> 00:09:25,313
He terrible man, okay? Always, "Work,
work, work!" He treat me like slave!
216
00:09:25,385 --> 00:09:26,875
Slave?
Slave? He's got slaves?
217
00:09:26,954 --> 00:09:29,115
He's has slaves in there? What
kind of a communist dictatorship...
218
00:09:29,189 --> 00:09:31,817
is this piece of shit running?
Hey, I no phone, no TV!
219
00:09:31,892 --> 00:09:33,883
I not even allowed
to drink the beer!
220
00:09:33,961 --> 00:09:36,452
What?
No!
221
00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:38,464
No! That is
not acceptable!
222
00:09:38,532 --> 00:09:40,090
You're mad about the beer
thing? I'm v... I'm ver...
223
00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:41,930
Are you not mad about the beer
thing? Yeah. Of course I am.
224
00:09:42,002 --> 00:09:44,027
Look, you should be able to drink
beer. That's what happens in America.
225
00:09:44,104 --> 00:09:45,901
Yeah. In America, you can...
You can drink beer. Look.
226
00:09:45,973 --> 00:09:47,634
I'll tell you what. You come
down to Paddy's Pub, all right?
227
00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:49,437
We'll let you drink
all the beer you want.
228
00:09:49,510 --> 00:09:51,068
You can smoke your cigarettes.
Mm-hmm.
229
00:09:51,145 --> 00:09:53,739
You won't have to deal with the
trash 'cause I deal with the trash.
230
00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:55,645
You do trash?
He takes out the trash.
231
00:09:55,716 --> 00:09:57,206
Me trash.
He captures the rats.
232
00:09:57,284 --> 00:10:00,048
You beer, me trash,
okay? I beer, you trash!
233
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:02,054
I trash, yes!
234
00:10:04,124 --> 00:10:06,058
Okay!
235
00:10:15,302 --> 00:10:17,566
Holy shit, bro.
Did you just see that?
236
00:10:17,638 --> 00:10:20,106
Yeah. She made a meaningful
gesture towards me.
237
00:10:20,174 --> 00:10:24,577
She made... No, dude.
She was gesturing to me.
238
00:10:24,645 --> 00:10:26,806
I had my arm out like this.
239
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,144
Yeah, why were you doing that?
'Cause she extended to me.
240
00:10:29,216 --> 00:10:31,514
And then there was stuff
in the eyes between us.
241
00:10:31,585 --> 00:10:33,348
And my arm was at her.
All right.
242
00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:35,183
Sure, pal.
Wha...
243
00:10:40,194 --> 00:10:43,755
But the dog was buried
by the bright sunlight
244
00:10:43,830 --> 00:10:48,631
And the old man died
In his sleep last night
245
00:10:48,702 --> 00:10:51,227
And the young girl
never did get...
246
00:10:51,305 --> 00:10:54,206
All right! All right! All right!
That's enough. That's enough. Thank you.
247
00:10:54,274 --> 00:10:58,574
Well... Martha,
you are terrible.
248
00:10:58,645 --> 00:11:01,876
I wanted to pluck out my eyes
and jam them into my ears.
249
00:11:01,949 --> 00:11:05,077
I wanted to pummel you
with a manhole cover.
250
00:11:05,152 --> 00:11:08,883
There is no point to you.
Oh, no...
251
00:11:08,956 --> 00:11:11,584
Sweetie, I thought
you were really talented.
252
00:11:11,658 --> 00:11:14,058
And I liked it, what
you had on your fingers.
253
00:11:14,127 --> 00:11:15,719
And your hair is so...
254
00:11:15,796 --> 00:11:19,630
It's like it has a
bulb on the front of it.
255
00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:22,362
It just wasn't happening
for me, dog. I mean...
256
00:11:22,436 --> 00:11:24,529
What?
No, dog. I was not...
257
00:11:24,605 --> 00:11:27,199
It was the finger cymbals need work.
Oh!
258
00:11:27,274 --> 00:11:30,607
And the jewelry
and everything just...
259
00:11:30,677 --> 00:11:32,804
It was...
It was just okay, dog.
260
00:11:32,879 --> 00:11:35,211
Is it a yes or no, Frank?
It's gotta be no, dog.
261
00:11:35,282 --> 00:11:38,149
Dee? Oh, I just think
you're so full of magic.
262
00:11:38,218 --> 00:11:40,482
You're like a big, round wizard.
Right.
263
00:11:40,554 --> 00:11:42,818
Well, it's a no from me.
So... off you go, Martha.
264
00:11:45,325 --> 00:11:49,091
Why did you get so drunk?
You got drunk!
265
00:11:49,162 --> 00:11:51,687
I'm just really exhausted.
What's in that cup?
266
00:11:51,765 --> 00:11:54,359
Rum and Cokes. Why
are you getting wasted?
267
00:11:54,434 --> 00:11:56,766
Maybe because you dicks
stole my talent show.
268
00:11:56,837 --> 00:11:58,702
Do you have any idea how important
this is? "You have any idea... "
269
00:11:58,772 --> 00:12:01,570
We're trying to save the pub crawl.
Really? This is what you're doing?
270
00:12:01,642 --> 00:12:04,202
You know what's gonna happen
if the North Koreans take over?
271
00:12:04,278 --> 00:12:06,838
They're gonna ruin our way of
life! Get your shit together, dog!
272
00:12:06,913 --> 00:12:08,210
Next!
273
00:12:09,783 --> 00:12:11,808
Duster
Look out, man
274
00:12:11,885 --> 00:12:14,410
Here comes a brother
The man is in a duster
275
00:12:14,488 --> 00:12:16,581
He's a superfine
fantastic man
276
00:12:16,657 --> 00:12:18,955
He loves to wear
his du...
277
00:12:19,026 --> 00:12:21,119
Oh, my God!
278
00:12:21,194 --> 00:12:23,526
Oh, my God! You scared
me. What are you doing?
279
00:12:23,597 --> 00:12:26,498
I run away.
Okay.
280
00:12:26,566 --> 00:12:29,865
Good. Uh...
What are you doing here?
281
00:12:29,936 --> 00:12:34,464
I follow you home because I like you.
282
00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:36,975
Nice. Good. I...
'Cause I knew...
283
00:12:37,044 --> 00:12:39,342
I knew that...
Right on! Okay.
284
00:12:39,413 --> 00:12:41,643
Wait. All the way home?
Yes.
285
00:12:42,949 --> 00:12:45,179
So you saw me eat that Hot
Pocket I found in the garbage?
286
00:12:45,252 --> 00:12:48,483
Yes.
Any thoughts on that?
287
00:12:48,555 --> 00:12:50,750
No.
Oh, man. I like you.
288
00:12:50,824 --> 00:12:52,815
Come on in.
I like you.
289
00:12:52,893 --> 00:12:54,827
Yeah.
290
00:12:57,768 --> 00:13:00,066
Cartoon Soundtrack)
291
00:13:00,137 --> 00:13:02,435
Hello there, Dennis.
It's Charlie.
292
00:13:02,507 --> 00:13:05,442
How you doin'? Hey, you're never
gonna guess who showed up at my...
293
00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:08,707
That's a very good guess. Congratulations.
But the point is that I have defeated you...
294
00:13:08,779 --> 00:13:11,304
at this little game of hearts
and... and minds so that...
295
00:13:11,382 --> 00:13:14,283
No, don't come over. No, dude. I
don't want you to come over, dude.
296
00:13:14,352 --> 00:13:15,876
Don't c...
Dennis, don't come over.
297
00:13:15,953 --> 00:13:18,751
D... Well, then why... No, I'm not
scared. I just don't want you comin'...
298
00:13:18,823 --> 00:13:21,553
Goddamn it! No! Why did I call him?
299
00:13:30,201 --> 00:13:33,830
Good evening. I need
to speak to Mr. Kim, please.
300
00:13:33,905 --> 00:13:36,635
I Mr. Kim.
Hmm.
301
00:13:36,707 --> 00:13:40,108
All right.
Uh, Mr. Kim, my name is...
302
00:13:40,177 --> 00:13:43,943
R Rita F-Fire... s.
303
00:13:44,015 --> 00:13:49,385
Hmm, Fires. And I am from the
National Health Inspectors...
304
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,921
Uh, Store.
And I need to...
305
00:13:51,989 --> 00:13:55,857
I need to make sure that your
secret microbrew is up to code.
306
00:13:55,927 --> 00:13:57,758
Health inspector?
307
00:13:57,828 --> 00:14:00,729
Hmm. Oh, you bet
your ass, Kim.
308
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,698
Okay, all right!
I just... God!
309
00:14:02,767 --> 00:14:04,701
I just want
your stupid recipe!
310
00:14:04,769 --> 00:14:07,533
You... terrible actress.
311
00:14:07,605 --> 00:14:09,630
Wait! Okay.
312
00:14:09,707 --> 00:14:12,369
Hmm,
I'll sleep with you.
313
00:14:12,443 --> 00:14:16,379
Your breath smell like vomit.
314
00:14:16,447 --> 00:14:19,075
Okay, but...
315
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,482
I know recipe.
316
00:14:22,954 --> 00:14:26,048
You do? Well, what...
What is it?
317
00:14:26,123 --> 00:14:28,148
Offer still stand?
318
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:35,663
All right. Where is she? Ah, dude, you
might as well turn right back around, man.
319
00:14:35,733 --> 00:14:38,065
'Cause she's in love with me,
dude. Uh, yeah, I doubt that.
320
00:14:38,135 --> 00:14:39,466
Hi.
Hi.
321
00:14:39,537 --> 00:14:41,937
We have so much in common,
you're not gonna believe. What?
322
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,998
Uh, we both like pizza.
Pizza!
323
00:14:45,076 --> 00:14:47,636
Well, I like pizza.
Everybody loves pizza.
324
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:49,043
Oh, good.
We both hate mean people.
325
00:14:49,113 --> 00:14:50,808
Who likes mean people?
We don't like mean people.
326
00:14:50,881 --> 00:14:51,848
Well, neither do I.
327
00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:53,850
Well, we both think
kissing's gross.
328
00:14:53,918 --> 00:14:56,250
How is kissing gross? You
know, we just don't like it.
329
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,015
We're not into it, you know?
Probably, it's... Sticky.
330
00:14:58,089 --> 00:15:01,252
Is it sticky? It's, like, there's
candy and beer in your mouth.
331
00:15:01,325 --> 00:15:03,850
How is it sticky? From
candy and beer? I don't know.
332
00:15:03,928 --> 00:15:06,726
This is bullshit. Clearly there's some kind
of language barrier thing happening here.
333
00:15:06,797 --> 00:15:10,096
So I'm gonna go ahead and pop this shirt off
and finish this thing once and for all, Charles.
334
00:15:10,167 --> 00:15:12,101
Charlie?
Mm-hmm?
335
00:15:12,169 --> 00:15:13,932
He smell like dog fart.
336
00:15:14,005 --> 00:15:16,565
Eww!
She says you smell like a dog fart.
337
00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:18,438
Oh, yeah? All right, take
It off. Take It off for us.
338
00:15:18,509 --> 00:15:20,238
Dog fart, huh?
339
00:15:53,444 --> 00:15:55,878
Am I in America?
340
00:15:58,949 --> 00:16:00,576
Ladies.
341
00:16:00,651 --> 00:16:02,312
Nice turnout, huh?
Yeah.
342
00:16:02,386 --> 00:16:04,217
But I'm getting a little
nervous here, Frank.
343
00:16:04,288 --> 00:16:06,722
I've heard some rumblings about Mr. Kim's,
okay? We gotta keep these people here.
344
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:09,760
Don't worry, Mac.
I got a plan.
345
00:16:11,162 --> 00:16:13,892
Mac, I got problems, man.
346
00:16:13,964 --> 00:16:16,728
I can see that. Why are you
wearing the duster with no shirt?
347
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:19,235
I'm trying to get my mojo back.
Charlie and I have been competing...
348
00:16:19,303 --> 00:16:21,237
over the same Korean chick,
and he's like totally winning.
349
00:16:21,305 --> 00:16:23,535
Why are you wearing my
duster with no shirt?
350
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:26,167
This is the perfect combination. Do I
really have to explain this to you, bro?
351
00:16:26,243 --> 00:16:28,507
Yes! Explain it to
me. Are you kidding me?
352
00:16:28,579 --> 00:16:32,345
Black leather duster... tough, muscular dude
underneath it, inside of it. Very sexual.
353
00:16:32,416 --> 00:16:35,044
Check this out. Check this
out. What's with the hose?
354
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,815
Hang on. I'm gonna spray
it on the women's tops.
355
00:16:37,888 --> 00:16:40,857
We get a better look at their
talents if their shirts are wet.
356
00:16:40,925 --> 00:16:43,018
Wet T-shirt contest. I like
that. Wait, Frank. Frank.
357
00:16:43,094 --> 00:16:45,824
How are we gonna have a wet
T- shirt contest without girls?
358
00:16:45,896 --> 00:16:48,990
We never got any contestants. We
can use the girls that are here.
359
00:16:49,066 --> 00:16:50,761
They don't even know
they're contestants.
360
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,804
You can't just blast people with
a hose in a bar. They will leave.
361
00:16:53,871 --> 00:16:56,066
Lock the door. No,
that's not gonna work.
362
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,573
Frank, go get your gun.
363
00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:00,906
Perfect. Go over to Mr. Kim.
Convince him to close for the day.
364
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:03,242
I can do that. Oh, excuse
us! Excuse us, please.
365
00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:04,144
Excuse us!
Heyoh!
366
00:17:04,215 --> 00:17:07,275
Heyoh!
I love when you say it!
367
00:17:07,351 --> 00:17:09,512
We are so happy.
And do you know why?
368
00:17:09,587 --> 00:17:12,215
We just got engaged.
Yes!
369
00:17:12,289 --> 00:17:15,053
You guys just got engaged?
Yes!
370
00:17:15,126 --> 00:17:16,218
Yes.
Now we're engaged.
371
00:17:16,293 --> 00:17:18,193
All right, do you want
to have some champagne?
372
00:17:18,262 --> 00:17:19,991
Yes. We're gonna have some
champagne to celebrate this.
373
00:17:20,064 --> 00:17:22,032
Come on.
Champagne!
374
00:17:22,099 --> 00:17:25,068
Did you guys happen to catch what
Sun-Li was wearing? White tank top.
375
00:17:25,136 --> 00:17:27,764
A white tank top. Exactly. I was
thinking we could talk Charlie...
376
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:30,466
into having her enter the wet
T- shirt contest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
377
00:17:30,541 --> 00:17:32,133
We'll tell him it's all a
part of Dee's talent show.
378
00:17:32,209 --> 00:17:35,235
Right. When she jumps up on the
stage, we'll blast her with the water.
379
00:17:35,312 --> 00:17:38,213
The crowd will go crazy. The other
girls are gonna want to join in.
380
00:17:38,282 --> 00:17:41,012
And we will save the bar. And then
she'll break up with Charlie...
381
00:17:41,085 --> 00:17:44,452
ruining any hopes for happiness
that that son of a bitch ever had.
382
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:47,423
I agree with the first part. But the
second part seems incredibly harsh.
383
00:17:47,491 --> 00:17:50,324
That's the best goddamn part!
Look, you guys deal with that.
384
00:17:50,394 --> 00:17:52,419
I'm gonna go
take care of Mr. Kim.
385
00:17:52,496 --> 00:17:54,430
Yeah, what do you want...
Boom!
386
00:17:54,498 --> 00:17:57,331
What the hell is this? Oh, only
Mr. Kim's secret microbrew recipe.
387
00:17:57,401 --> 00:17:58,333
Hmm.
388
00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:01,902
It's in Korean. What am I
supposed to do with this?
389
00:18:01,972 --> 00:18:03,963
Maybe I can get Sun-Li
to translate it for us.
390
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:07,943
Sun-Li? Hi. Could you
read this for us, please?
391
00:18:08,012 --> 00:18:10,480
Okay.
392
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:14,450
"Bony American
is dirty, dirty whore.
393
00:18:14,518 --> 00:18:19,148
She bring much shame to
herself and country. "
394
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:22,818
Great. Good work, Dee. Yeah. You
really topped yourself this year, Sis.
395
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,884
Charlie, can we talk
to you for a sec?
396
00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:30,199
You whore?
Mm-hmm.
397
00:18:30,267 --> 00:18:32,258
Good.
398
00:18:41,779 --> 00:18:46,011
What you want? I'm gonna have to
ask you to shut this place down.
399
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:51,180
I am shut down. Look around,
you jerk! No one here.
400
00:18:53,858 --> 00:18:55,826
Yeah, I was kinda wondering
about that. What's up?
401
00:18:55,893 --> 00:18:58,589
My daughter, Sun-Li...
she is missing!
402
00:18:58,662 --> 00:19:01,028
Korean broad?
You seen her?
403
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,259
Uh, no.
404
00:19:03,334 --> 00:19:05,199
Oh, she no come home
last night!
405
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:09,399
Well, I'm sure she's gonna come
back. She probably just met some guy.
406
00:19:09,473 --> 00:19:12,374
What you talking about?
You sick freak!
407
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,934
Sun-Li only 12 years old!
408
00:19:15,012 --> 00:19:18,778
What?
She just 12-year-old girl!
409
00:19:20,317 --> 00:19:23,252
Oh, shit!
410
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,288
Attention, everybody.
411
00:19:25,356 --> 00:19:29,622
Hey, attention. Our first
contestant halls from North Korea.
412
00:19:29,693 --> 00:19:31,627
That's right,
North Korea, everybody.
413
00:19:31,695 --> 00:19:33,629
She's gonna be doing
something or other.
414
00:19:33,697 --> 00:19:36,393
And then we're gonna blast
her with water from a hose.
415
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,435
It's gonna be great, right? You're
gonna want to stick around for this.
416
00:19:38,502 --> 00:19:43,565
And listen, ladies, if you wanna get in on
this action, please do not hesitate to do so.
417
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:46,576
Okay, take it away.
418
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:49,636
All set.
Uh, wait a second.
419
00:19:49,713 --> 00:19:53,877
You're gonna blast my fiancée with water,
exposing her breasts to this entire crowd?
420
00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:56,385
Yeah, man. Is that
cool? That's very cool.
421
00:19:56,453 --> 00:19:58,944
Awesome. All right,
Sun-Li, hit it!
422
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:03,119
Oh, Great Leader
we come to enjoy you
423
00:20:03,193 --> 00:20:08,631
You make sun and moon
In the sky
424
00:20:08,699 --> 00:20:11,964
The earth is spinning
because of your laughter
425
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:14,163
All right, she's bombing.
Blast her. All righty.
426
00:20:15,639 --> 00:20:17,732
All right, everybody!
Three, two...
427
00:20:17,808 --> 00:20:19,298
One!
428
00:20:36,327 --> 00:20:38,352
Oh, God! Come on, Frank!
What are you doing, Frank?
429
00:20:38,429 --> 00:20:41,990
Son of a bitch! The wet
T- shirt contest is off!
430
00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:44,762
Why?
She's only 12 years old!
431
00:20:44,835 --> 00:20:46,462
What?
432
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:49,005
You're just 12?
Twelve, Charlie!
433
00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:51,007
Oh, shit.
That actually explains a lot.
434
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:53,873
Wait. Where are you guys going?
You guys don't have to leave!
435
00:20:53,944 --> 00:20:55,775
No, stay, drink! We
didn't know she was 12.
436
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:02,481
Goddamn it! Well, there goes the
pub crawl. Oh, son of a bitch.
437
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:05,920
Well, I feel better
about myself.
438
00:21:05,990 --> 00:21:08,857
Why?
Uh, all I did was sleep with...
439
00:21:08,926 --> 00:21:11,121
a toothless, oily
busboy for a recipe.
440
00:21:11,195 --> 00:21:14,995
Charlie banged a 12
year old. No, I didn't.
441
00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:17,033
What? Yeah. I didn't
even kiss that girl.
442
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:18,728
Like, nothing happened.
Really?
443
00:21:18,802 --> 00:21:22,397
Yeah, absolutely. I can't believe
you banged a toothless busboy.
444
00:21:25,843 --> 00:21:28,971
Those goddamn North Koreans.
They are some sneaky bastards.
445
00:21:29,046 --> 00:21:30,980
Yeah.
Yep.
36325
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