All language subtitles for Its.Always.Sunny.In.Philadelphia.S03E04.The.Gang.Gets.Held.Hostage.DVDRip.XviD-ORPHEUS.eng

Gimme the walkie.

I'm having a hard time
understanding what we're doing.

Just gimme the walkie-talkie.
All right.

Why did you hide your will in the
ceiling? I didn't do it. Charlie did it.

Well, why did Charlie hide
your will in the ceiling?

Because I didn't wanna crawl around
these goddamn vents. Gimme my gun.

Oh, right. Yeah!

I don't think you should be carryin' this
thing anymore. It always gets you into trouble.

Recently, it has occurred to me...

that Dennis and Deandra stand to lose a
lot of money because they're not my kids.

They're gonna rub me out. I feel like
you're being very paranoid about this.

If you just go to a lawyer, you can
draft up a new will, no big deal.

Don't over think this. Trust me.
Give me the goddamn gun. Here.

Now, you think you can
make sense of Charlie's map?

Because it's dark as a
well digger's ass up here.

Frank, no one understands the subtleties
of Charlie's retardation better than me.

I can guide you right to it. Then
you will be handsomely rewarded.

I like that.
Shit!

Seal me up! Seal me up!
That's them. Get away.

Get in. Just get in!

What I say is the law. I'm the boss of both
of you now. What are you talking about, man?

Why are you standing like that? 'Cause I'm
your big brother, dude, and I'm the boss of you.

Where is this coming from, man? You
are not our big brother. Yes, I am.

So get me a beer, little bro,
before I give you a serious noogie.

Dude, I swear to God, if you
try and give me a noogie...

I will yank your underwear over your head
so hard, your asshole will rip in half.

Heyoh!
What's up, bitches?

Mac, can an asshole rip
in half? Like tissue paper.

They behind us?

No!
Lock the way out!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the
hell are you guys doin'?

Whoa! Okay. Okay, don't shoot,
okay? Just take whatever you want.

Take the cash register.
Take the girl.

"Take the girl"? Don't
argue with them. Just go.

You better go with them. But they're
not trying to take me anywhere!

Don't try to be a hero. Do what they
say! They're not saying anything.

Well, what's the sense? If you keep
arguing with them, then we're all gonna die!

We don't want the girl!
Then take the cash.

We don't want the cash! Well,
then what the hell do you want?

We're takin' you bitches hostage.

That's right. And we need a gassed-up boat,
and we need 100,000 clams in a briefcase.

And a... And a Planet Hollywood
jacket. A leather one. Reversible.

And we need a-a reversible
Planet Hollywood jacket too.

Can't believe this is happening. Taken hostage
by the McPoyles. We should just bum-rush 'em.

Hey, I'm the one making the demands here,
pig! If they're not met in one hour...

I'm gonna kill one of the hostages!

In one hour, we're gonna have
Margaret shoot one of you in the face.

And if any of you try to escape, we'll
massacre you in a blaze of glory...

then play with your
bodies. Especially Dennis.

Let's secure the perimeter.

You hear? I think he means it. There's
no way they're gonna get those demands.

They can't get a Planet Hollywood jacket.
Those places don't even exist anymore.

They don't make those jackets. They'd have to
call Stallone, and he's not gonna give his up.

Maybe Aykroyd.

Shut up!
We need to focus, okay?

This is serious. We could
get Stockholm syndrome.

Oh, my God. What is that? Does
that start with a sore throat?

Because I think I might be getting
it. No, you're not getting it.

Are you a doctor? You're qualified to tell
me I'm coming down with Stockholm syndrome?

Stockholm syndrome, it...
it messes with your mind.

You start to empathize and then side with
your captors. We could turn against each other.

Dee is right. Now look, we need
to watch out for each other, okay?

The only way we're gonna get
through this is if we stick together.

Nobody has to die.

Somebody has to die.
Oh, yeah.

Doesn't have to be one of us.
No.

Mac or Charlie, right? I mean, what do
they have to live for? Not one thing.

So, we need to form a pact. No matter what
happens, you and I have to stick together.

You and I will form an
alliance. We'll form an alliance.

Dennis is gonna try
and have you killed.

I can't say that surprises me. No,
he's gonna sell us all down the river.

Okay, should we kill him first? Look,
I don't want anybody to have to die...

but if somebody does, there's
no reason it shouldn't be Dennis.

It should be Dennis, right? He
had a great life. Yeah. Sure.

He had a full, full, good
ride. Oh, a fantastic ride.

I had a terrible ride.
Charlie, you had the worst ride.

You deserve another shot at
the ride. I want a better ride.

Oh, you oughta ride and ride.
So listen. Here's what we do.

You and I... No matter what,
we gotta stick together.

We gotta stick together. We should
get to Mac, though, before Dennis does.

Oh, Mac will be with
us. Mac will be with us.

Frank, Frank. Come in, Frank. McPoyles have
taken us hostage. They're threatening to kill us.

It's too late for the guys, but
there's plenty of time to save me.

So come down here and get me out of
here. Where the hell have you been?

I've been lookin' for you for 20
minutes. I'm lost as shit up here.

The McPoyles have taken over the bar, and they're
threatening to kill one of us. Come save me!

Holy crap. Forget about
the rest of them, Frank.

They're all gonna perish. It's just
me. There's still time to save me.

Get down here! Not
until I get that will.

Once that will is safe and
secure, I'll come and help you.

Will? There's plenty of time to do that.
We can do that some other time, dude.

No. This is all the more
reason to get that document.

Who the hell knows how it's
gonna shake out down there?

Everybody gather round! I
gotta go. I'll call you back.

Ow! Son of a...

All right. There's absolutely no way
they're gonna meet all our demands, so...

you guys are gonna dig a hole straight
through the wall to the next building.

We're gonna go to the roof
and escape by helicopter.

Here's how it's gonna work:

Two of you are gonna dig while two
of you rest, and then you switch.

I volunteer to rest first. Bullshit.
You can't volunteer to rest.

You can be on my team if you want,
but my team rests first. I called it.

Right, great. It's settled. I'm on your team.
We'll rest first. Charlie and Mac, you dig.

You're gonna be on Dee's team? Some
loyalty, bro. You don't wanna be on my team?

Easy. I never said that. I feel like
the syndrome's making you all paranoid.

It's making me crazy, dude. Hold
on. Oh, my God. He's burning up.

Sit down. You gotta sit down.
Oh, God. I'm getting sick.

Guys, clearly Charlie's comin' down
with a nasty case of Stockholm syndrome.

The last thing you need is
a roomful of sick hostages.

So, guys, do you mind if
I grab a couple of beers?

I feel we would be a lot more relaxed
if we had some beers. Oh, and a cooler!

Get a cooler. We're gonna want to keep
the beers cold. Good idea, Charlie.

Uhuh. What the hell? The
cooler's gonna keep the beer cold.

How are we gonna do that without a
cooler? I would appreciate a cold beer.

We should probably all have a cold beer
inside of a cooler. Who drinks warm beer?

Let's take a vote. All in favor
of beer and coolers... Great.

Then it's settled. Charlie, go
get a cooler. Don't move, Charlie!

No beer. No cooler.
Margaret, put your hand down.

But your sister agrees
with us. She's on our side.

She's a deaf-mute. The only reason she
raised her hand is 'cause you guys did.

Really?
Let's try that again, right?

That's awesome.

Hey, I wonder what else we could get
her to do? Uh, let's blink really fast.

Oh, come on. That's awesome.

All right! Put your hands down and
stop blinking! Leave Margaret alone.

You two, in the bathroom.
You two, grab some shovel.

Ryan, crank up the heat!

We're gonna get this
place hot and clammy...

Just like the McPoyles like it.

Ah, here we go.

Charlie, what are you tryin' to tell me?

"If here by now...

"then bad place be.

"Trouble time for you...

when heat comes. "

Jesus Christ, the kid's an idiot.

Wha... Wha-What? Oh, shit!

What, uh... What's...

Damn, man, they're really
crankin' that heat, huh?

Yeah, man, maybe that's why she dressed
in that. Oh, of course, that's why.

They're gonna stay all nice and
cool while we get all hot and steamy.

Why are you covering your mouth? So she can't
read my lips, dude. I don't want her reading lips.

Her? She can't read
lips. You don't think?

No way.
Here, check this out.

Do you understand what I'm saying?
No?

Can you understand the words I am
saying? Do you know what I am saying?

You can't read lips, can you?

Right. All right,
Charlie... What was that?

There's something I gotta
talk to you about. Yeah.

Help me out with this map. Whoa!
What are you doing with my map, dude?

Frank gave it to me. He's up in the vents.
He's gonna try and retrieve his will.

If I guide it to him successfully, he's
gonna give me a very large percentage of that.

He thinks that Dennis and Dee... What are
you doing? It's boring. I'm getting bored.

You should be paying attention, Charlie,
because this could be very good for you.

Come on, come on. You're
losin' me. Oh, my God.

With Frank dead, the will gone, Charlie gets
all the money. I get all the money? What money?

The inheritance money.
Okay! Go! Good! Good!

Do you understand
what's happening? Kinda.

Do you understand what's
going on with this map? Yes.

Okay! Now walk me through it. We'll go through
numbers later. It's a fake map. It's a decoy.

Really?
Yep.

Where's the real map? The real
map is tattooed on my body.

Get outta here. Where?
Right here.

You can't be serious.
Oh, I'm dead serious.

This is impossible.
It's very possible.

Dude, I'm not looking in
your butt. You have to, dude.

That's the only way
to find the will.

All right, but you gotta swear
not to tell anybody. I swear.

I can't see anything.
Look closer.

What do you see?
Nothing.

What do you smell?
Oh, my God!

Really? You fart in my
face? What do you think?

Are you kidding me? Why would
you do something like that?

Why? 'Cause you stole my
map, and Frank's in the vents!

You're lyin', we could die, and I
never got to fart in your face before!

We don't have time for
this! Where is the real map?

That's the real map.
There's no fake map, idiot.

Jesus Christ!
Are you kidding me?

This is just unbelievable. How
could anybody like it this hot?

I feel woozy.
Ah, this is bullshit.

A couple of glasses of milk...
lukewarm, skim for the lady.

We don't want your milk, Liam. Then
start breakin' bricks, wet nips.

You know what? I think you're
full of shit. Is that right?

That's right. I could walk out, I don't think
you'd do anything. I don't think you're serious.

You don't think I'm serious?
No.

Oh, you think I'm
bluffin'? You're bluffin'.

You think I'm bluffing?
You're bluffin'.

Then bluff this!
Ryan, stab somebody!

Oh!

What have you done? Give me the
milk. Showin' 'em we're not bluffin'.

No, you're supposed to stab one
of them. You stab one of them!

Oh, I gotta take care of this. Owww!

Holy shit.
My bad.

Oh, my...

Oh, my God. That is one of the most
terrifying things I've ever seen.

I mean, that must have taken so much heart...
you know, to stab your brother like that?

I mean, that is real
dedication. Mm-hmm. What?

Whatever, okay? Look, I think we need a real
plan here, Sis. The hour is coming upon us.

Oh! Look, maybe I can corner
one of them and manipulate them.

Get inside their head.
And have sex with them.

Mm-hmm.

Have sex with them? No. I was gonna
say, pit them against each other.

What? I know. What? Well,
what did I say? You said...

No. Oh, God, no. Those
guys are disgusting.

Dee, I think you're startin' to
show signs of Stockholm syndrome.

No. I'm fine, all right? Can we just focus
here, and just tell me what the plan is?

Yeah, let's focus. Okay, here's
the plan. All right, look.

I know I can get the girl to
fall in love with me. Okay.

Now I'm not one of the members of her
family... I got that goin' against me... but...

I do have a secret weapon.

Boom. All right? I just need to get alone
with her and let the pecs do the talkin'.

One thing'll lead to the next.
She'll lead me secretly to safety.

Mac, what's with the goddamn heat?

I'm roastin' like
a suckling pig up here.

Oh, yeah, man. It's gettin'
pretty hot up in this piece, huh?

Must be miserable up
in those vents, Frank.

Charlie, is that you?
Yeah, it's me.

Hey, are you lost? I warned you never
to go up in those vents without me.

Uh, yeah, a little bit.
Hey, Charlie...

you think you could give
the walkie-talkie over to Mac?

I gotta talk to him privately.

Yeah, hold on a second.

Yo, buddy, I'm here. Mac, go
somewhere where you're alone.

Okay, Frank, we're alone.

Whatever happens, make sure
Charlie's the first one to die.

What? Why? Because of this will
business. He stands to gain the most.

That's a very good point. That's
an excellent point. All right.

Uh, that's a good plan, Frank.
I'll get back to you in about 10.

All right, get back to me. 10-4.

Okay. Well, I think it's pretty clear
what we should do. Frank has to die.

Gotta kill Frank.
Gotta kill him somehow.

So once the McPoyles take out
Dennis, Dee and Frank... Yeah.

Then you and I will split the
money right down the middle.

Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh. That's kind
of a lot, don't you think?

I'll tell you what.
I'll give you 25%.

Twenty-five percent?
Charlie... It's my money, dude!

Hey, ball sacks, put those on.
Why?

It's too obvious who the
hostages and who the captors are.

We're gonna confuse the cops.

All right.
Your time is almost up.

And we thought we'd spice things
up with an immunity challenge.

The team who wins will be exempt from
the first round of shootings in the face.

Oh, well, that's a
great idea. Dee, shut up.

What the hell is she talking
about? She's got Stockholm syndrome.

No, I don't. No! I just think it's a
good way to decide who to kill first.

I'm tryin' to put myself
in their position, you know?

It's called compassion, dickheads.

Maybe if you guys had a little bit of it, you
wouldn't be in this mess in the first place...

and then we wouldn't be standing here tryin'
to figure out which one of you we have to kill.

But that's where we are.
So hand me that shotgun...

'Cause I'd like to do this mess myself.

Get on your knees, bitches!

What are you doing? Now
you're on their side?

You wanna be a McPoyle, trash bag?
Huh?

Mmm!

If you wanna be a McPoyle, you've
gotta earn that the hard way.

And you will learn that later on.
But for now, the challenge is this:

Whoever can destroy more things on the inside
of this bar wins. And the teams have changed.

It's now Dee and Charlie
versus Mac and Dennis.

You have one minute to
plan your strategy...

starting now.

Whoop. Come on. Come
here, come here, come here!

I think I got a plan
to get us out of this.

But I need you to do the destroying
thing. Can you? I'm a great destroyer.

Are you kidding me, dude? You're a
born smasher. Yes! I'm a born smasher.

I'm gonna work a different angle
with the girl. Work those pecs.

Yeah, exactly. Bump
it. All right. Dennis.

What?
I love you.

Go! Go! Go!

Okay, okay. I got a plan
actually, okay? Okay.

I'm gonna start by
wrecking the back office.

The back office? Charlie, I feel
like there's a lot more stuff... Hey!

Listen to me, okay? I don't blame you
for that betrayal, but you're acting nuts.

All right, listen. I'm sorry
about that whole thing...

Shut up, okay? I'm tryin'
to save your life here, Dee.

Listen, I'm gonna save your life by wreckin'
that back office. We gotta stick together, okay?

You got it?
Yes, I got it, Charlie.

Time's up, assholes.
Start smashing!

Mm.
Mmm.

I love you.

Decided to come in here and take a break from
all the excitement. It's got me all sweaty.

So sweaty.

Do you mind?

Margaret,
you like sweat, don't you?

It is "Margaret," isn't
it? Of course, it is.

You know, your eyebrow...
It drives me crazy.

It's so thick.
It's so... dark...

and so very...

connected.

You're a stone cold fox, Margaret.

You're a stone cold fox,
and I want you.

I gotta have you.
I need you.

I want you inside me.

But you know that...
don't you, Margaret?

Yeah.

Look at yourself, Dee.
You've turned into a monster.

Huh? Not my fault.
I'm sick.

I know, Dee. I know. You're the one that
first told us about Stockholm syndrome.

But I feel like, if
you just snap out it...

there's a chance that we could survive
this, if we just stick together.

Whoa! All right! Time's up.
Looks like Mac and Dennis take it.

Nice!
Blast away, boys.

No! No, wait. Wait, because Charlie...
Charlie destroyed the office!

Go by and look. Charlie saved
my life! No. No, blast her!

Charlie, we did it!
Blast her! Damn it.

We did it!

Goddamn it, Charlie.

Frank, Frank. Come in, Frank.

Oh, when we get outta this...

I am gonna shove my fist right
into your ass, hard and fast...

not in a sexual way... in a
"I am pissed off at you" way...

for turnin' off your walkie-talkie
and leavin' me in this shit hole!

Listen to me very carefully, Frank. Charlie
has escaped. Repeat, Charlie has escaped.

I think he's gonna come after
you, man. Don't worry about it.

I can take care of myself. Ah!

God! I just stepped in glass! There's
broken bottles all over the place.

Broken bottles
everywhere? Oh, shit, dude.

I think you're in Charlie's "bad
room. " What the hell is that?

It's where he goes to be
alone and break bottles.

Dude, you gotta be real
careful. He's gonna find you.

I can take care of myself.

Hello, Frank.

I gotta call you back.

Be careful. Be careful.
H- Hi, Charlie.

Lookin' for your will, Pop?

That's exactly what I'm lookin' for.

You know, it's funny what kind of men
we turn into in circumstances like this.

I heard who you wanted
to have killed.

But that goddamn Mac, he...

Then tell me, Frank.
What do you think about...

this?

I like that very much. That's
exactly why I came up here.

No, it's the...
Oh, yeah. I guess it is.

Now let's get the hell outta
here. No, I don't think so, Frank!

You see, I don't need
you anymore, now do I?

What are you talkin' about? What
are you doin'? Put your hands down.

Yeah. Yeah. Charlie,
put your hands down.

Charlie, don't...
Bye, Dad!

Oh, my God. Do you carry that
everywhere now, dude? That's ridiculous.

Lead me the hell outta
here. All right. Fine.

How?
This way.

That way?
Put the gun...

I was gonna go that way.
That would've been wrong.

All right. That was, uh...
nice.

That was very... hot and
sweaty and passionate...

milky.

Now let's get outta here. Let's sneak outta
here, you know, and start a life together.

Let's get outta this crazy place
together. Come on. Let's go. Sneak me out.

What? Wha... No. No-no-no-no-no. No.
We're done with the kissing part, okay?

That' part's over. We're in love
now, and you can sneak me out of here.

We're at that part now,
all right? No. No-no-no.

Oh, God. Please tell me you understand
what I'm saying. Do you understand me?

You don't understand, do you?
This has all been for nothing.

What the hell is goin'
on here? Uh, nothing.

Doesn't look like nothing. But
for the record, I'm into it.

Everybody to the roof.
It's time to pay the piper.

A couple of hundred more yards and we're
outta here. A couple of hundred more yards?

That's it. Push!

Go!
We're, like, in a tomb, Charlie.

I'm one of you guys, though. I'm... I'm a
McPoyle now, so you wouldn't kill me, right?

No! She's got Stockholm syndrome. Don't
listen to her, okay? She'll betray you.

I'm the one that won the immunity
challenge... the one that should live.

Actually, we both won 'cause we were
on the same team. So we're both safe.

No, I did all the work. You were in the
bathroom getting laid. I... I love inbreeding!

I like men in tight,
white underpants. Uh...

Get on your knees!
Goddamn it!

We're free, dude!
We're free!

Frank and Charlie! Frank
and Charlie came to save us!

They're gonna save us!

Right?

Uh, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, okay.

We came to save you. Yeah. Yeah, we
came here to, uh, save you guys. Yeah.

That's exactly it, why we came. No, we
came to, uh, save you, so here we are.

Frank.

Liam.

What a delicious surprise.

Looks like we got ourselves
into a bit of a pickle here.

Get over with your friends.

I don't think so.

Really?
Really.

Yippie-kayyay, Mr. Fuckin'...

Brother!

God! Ah!

Ah! I love you!
God, I love you!

Hang on!
Ow! Don't let go!

I got you!
I got you, brother.

Oh, no, you don't!

Whoa! What are you doing? Ow!
Stop!

Why are you doin' that?

Nooo!

Are you all right? Yeah. Think
I might get a bruise on my heel.

That's not bad. No. It's not really bad
at all. It's pretty fun. It's like, ah!

Why don't you guys climb
down that ladder? All right.

Later, bitches.

"Later, bitches"? What?
Wait. So they're just leaving?

Why are they leaving?
What is happening here?

This gun is rubber.
Rubber gun! It's rubber?

She's right. It's
rubber. There's no police!

There's no police down there,
dude! What the hell is happening?

What is going on here? Are
they just screwin' with us?

Where are the cops?
Haha!

Revenge! We got you, suckers!
Nobody messes with the McPoyles!

Whoo! Haha!
Eat it, douche bags!

Whoo! Whoo! McPoyles!

Goddamn it!