Original subtitles

♪ [ Punk ]

[ Crowd Cheering ]

♪

[ Man ]

♪ Darling, you got

to let me know ♪

♪ Should I stay or should I go♪

♪ If you say that you are mine♪

♪ I'll be here

till the end of time ♪

♪ Come on and let me know ♪

♪ Should I stay or should I go♪

♪ Should I stay

or should I go ♪

♪ [ Indistinct ]

♪ Should I stay or should I go♪

♪ If I go

there will be trouble ♪

♪ But if I stay

it will be double ♪

♪ So you got to let me know ♪

♪ Should I stay or should I go♪

♪ Should I stay

or should I go now ♪

♪ If I go

there will be trouble ♪

♪ And if I stay

it will be double ♪

♪ So you got to let me know ♪

♪ Should I stay

or should I go ♪

[ Woman ]

♪ One, two, one, two, one, two

♪

♪ Three, four, one, two ♪

Ow!

Aah! Oh, God!

[ Laughs ]

Fire! Aah! Fire!

[ Laughing ]

[ Jackhammering Continues ]

A jackhammer?

It's Saturday.

He should be castrated.

[ Whispers ]

Saturday.

Sat-- God. Oh, God.

It's Saturday.

Get up. Get up!

Get up. Get up.

Get up. Get up.

[ Groans ]

My sister's gonna kill me.

Oh, my God, what

did we do last night?

Oh, the usual.

Collected money for

the poor little homeless

children at the church bazaar.

I think the vicar

must have spiked the Kool-Aid.

Aah! We are way late.

What am I going

to tell my sister?

Is this yours or mine?

[ Laughs ]

Oh, my God.

How did that happen?

Haven't a clue.

Well, there's my excuse.

I'm late because

my tits caught on fire.

Come on!

Find a cab!

Taxi! Taxi!

Hey, cab!

Over here!

Get it. Get him.

[ Woman ]

Can you go a little

faster, please?

Fast and alive.

Alive, all right?

Jesus. The alive part

is incredibly important

in this case.

Ooh.

You all right, darling?

Oh, God, I could care less.

Well, that's the whole

point, isn't it?

Right, to care less.

Care less.

[ Grunts ]

Oh! Hey!

This is tasting

like cherry brandy.

I haven't bought her

a gift.

[ Laughs ]

[ Woman ]

Thank God for bar cars.

[ Both Laughing ]

[ Bell Tolling ]

You're late!

Jasper, this is, uh,

uh, a bridesmaid with

makeup and a dress.

Really late,

like 45 minutes.

She has no sense of humor,

but she's really good

at telling time.

I am so sorry.

There was a water main break,

and the train got stuck in Rye.

A little electrical

thingy, you know,

and just explosion--

- Gwen.

- Yeah?

♪ [ Organ ]

You make it impossible

to love you.

[ Whispering ]

Shit!

[ Sighs ]

♪ [ Organ Plays

Wedding Processional ]

[ Pills Clattering In Bottle ]

[ Man ]

May we present

Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Topton?

[ Applause ]

Would you like one?

Ooh. Ooh.

Didn't you think it was

a pretty wedding? I thought

it was a pretty wedding.

Yeah, but no one

wants pretty anymore

from a wedding.

They want a scandal.

They want to take

home a story.

Ohh! Try these.

Come on. This is a party.

Let's have some fun,

for God's sake.

[ Mutters ]

[ Applause ]

Ohh!

Oh, my God!

Oh, what happened?

Can you crank it up a little?

Liven everything up?

Yeah.

There's a ladies' room.

♪ Well, it's Saturday night

and I just got paid ♪

♪ Fool about my money

Don't try to save ♪

♪ My heart says, go, go

Have a time ♪

♪ 'Cause it's Saturday night

and I feel fine ♪

♪ Gonna rock it up

Gonna rip it up ♪

♪ Gonna shake it up

Gonna ball it up ♪

♪ Gonna rock it up

Have a ball tonight ♪

♪ Got me a date

and I won't be late ♪

♪ Pick her up in my'88 ♪

Whoa, whoa. Hey,

settle down, buddy.

Sorry.

♪ We'll have a ball

Gonna rock it up ♪

♪ Gonna rip it up ♪

♪ Gonna shake it up

Gonna ball it up ♪

[ Distorted ]

♪ Gonna rock it up

Have a ball tonight ♪

Aah!

[ Laughing ]

[ Jasper Laughing ]

What--

Don't worry.

I'll replace it, okay?

I'll be right back.

[ Chattering ]

[ Zipper Unzipping ]

[ Engine Starts ]

Hey. Hey!

[ Tires Screeching ]

Hey! Hey, lady!

Hey, lady,

what are you doin'?

Cake store. Cake store.

Cake store.

♪ [ Hums ]

♪ [ Hums ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Horn Honking ]

Hmph. Hmm.

This is Helga.

What city, please?

Yes, Bedford, a cake store.

Lady, if I knew

the name, I wouldn't have

called you, okay? I--

[ Horn Honking ]

[ Gasps ]

Aah! Ooh! Ooh! Aah!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

[ Dog Barking ]

[ Barking Continues ]

[ Sirens Wailing ]

[ Gwen Scoffs ]

Oh, this is perfect.

[ Groans ]

[ Woman ]

All right, everybody.

Now circle up. That's it.

Come on.

[ Group ]

Together we're better.

We're better together.

No drugs!

[ Phone Ringing ]

I need a cigarette.

- Hello?

- That judge totally screwed me.

Hey, good morning.

This place is horrible.

I should have

picked that rehab center

in the city. People chant.

- They do what?

- They chant here. They chant.

They think I'm chanting,

they have a whole

another thing coming.

It could be worse.

It could be prison.

Oh, that's worse?

You never hear

of anyone being raped

with a plunger in rehab.

You don't hear about it,

because they cover it up.

- [ Laughs ]

- It's not funny.

Excuse me. Talking.

Uh, no cell phones.

Gwen C., I'm Betty.

Follow me.

We carry our own bags here.

This isn't the Sheraton.

Oh, glass, in case

I slit my wrists. I get it

An eyelash curler.

What am I going

to do with that?

Stab myself?

Curl my tongue to death?

[ Mutters ]

All right. Betty, was it?

Betty. While you're going

through my stuff,

let's say we see

what Betty's got

in her drawers.

Oh, my God. Betty

has locked her drawers.

Why would she--

What? It's for my back pain.

All these things

will be returned to you

when you check out.

Except for the "Vickodin,"

which will be flushed.

- Smile.

- It's Vicodin.

No phone calls except

during posted phone time,

and then only

for ten minutes.

No fraternization.

That's romance and/or

sex between patients.

Oh, and we chant here.

Don't be put off by it.

It's just some people prefer it

to the serenity prayer.

♪ I'll be your friend ♪

♪ I'll help you carry on ♪

[ Sobbing ]

♪ Oh, it won't be long ♪

♪ Till I'm gonna need

somebody-- ♪

Your room.

You're responsible

for keeping it clean.

Andrea, this is Gwen.

Settle her in.

- Do you watch Santa Cruz ?

- Pardon me?

Santa Cruz.

It's my soap.

They only let us watch TV

at night, so I've missed

the last two weeks.

Hey, an intellectual.

Like the stuff you were

doing to get you in here

was real brain food.

[ Chattering ]

Everyone, uh, Parker House

people, this is Gwen.

Gwen, this is

everybody.

Hello, Gwen.

Hey, Gwen.

I'm thinking booze.

Hi.

Cocaine.

Painkillers.

This is not a nice game.

Well?

Well what?

Oh, uh, what's

your drug of choice?

Alcohol, cocaine,

Percodan, heroin, glue?

- I have to pick just one?

- Your gateway drug,

what you go for first.

I guess I drink.

Yes, come to Papa.

Ooh!

Hand them over. I know people.

You got to admit that about me.

Get your thumb out of that one.

What's the matter?

Haven't you ever seen

a trach scar before?

It's a tracheostomy, okay?

It's not a growth.

It's not a deformity.

It's a scar, so you

can stop staring at it.

Okay, good. Thank you.

I don't think

she was staring, Daniel.

Oh? And how would

you know, faggot?

- Geez.

- You're about as

perceptive as Helen Keller.

Actually, Danny boy,

when you think about it, Helen

Keller was pretty perceptive.

Oh, shut up.

Oh, look at him walk away.

Run away. Run away.

♪ We were up in heaven

Now we're in the mud ♪

♪ We fell off the wagon

You should have

heard the thud ♪

I like your coat.

Thank you.

That leather?

Yes.

Not vinyl?

Nope.

You believe in

killing animals?

Yes.

For clothing?

Absolutely.

- So do I.

-♪ For 28 boring days ♪

Don't worry about Daniel.

He's just self-conscious

about that neck thing,

because he did it

to himself.

He had this thing at night

where he'd pump his own stomach

so he won't get a hangover.

I guess he knew how,

'cause, you know,

he's a doctor... or was.

He lost his license after

he killed that patient.

But anyway, I guess one

night while he was scraping

that tube down to his stomach,

somehow he screwed up

and he couldn't breathe.

He had to actually--

[ Panting ]

poke a hole in his throat

with a pen or something.

[ Gwen Thinking ]

Jasper, see if you can dig up

more Vicodin before you come.

The gestapo

found my first batch.

That whole here-but-not-here

illusion will be

much easier...

to sustain with

a little chemical help.

Love, Gwennie.

Good night.

Good night.

[ Bag Rustling ]

[ Plastic Rustling ]

Chocolate. Heroin addict.

What are you,

like, 12 or something?

- Seventeen.

- Okay. Loving this.

Good night.

[ Bag Rustling ]

[ Plastic Rustling ]

[ Coughing ]

[ Woman ]

♪ Jeremiah was a bullfrog ♪

[ Man ]

♪ Jeremiah was a bullfrog ♪

♪ And a good friend of mine ♪

♪ I never understood

a single word he said ♪

♪ But I helped him

drink his wine ♪

♪ And he always had

some mighty fine wine ♪

♪ Singing joy to the world ♪

You girls are a lot of fun,

and that's the most

important thing.

Because if you're not

having fun, peanuts--

[ Together ]

What's the friggin' point?

[ Door Creaking ]

[ Whispers ]

Oh, God.

♪ Nothing could be finer

than to be in Carolina in--

♪

[ Group ]

You can keep your drugs

and whiskey sours.

We got us a higher power.

Yea, God!

♪ Everything is beautiful ♪

[ Betty On P.A. ]

Don't forget tonight's

lecture at 8:30:

"How Many Brain Cells

Did I Kill Last Night?"

Decaf.

Yeah, there's no caffeine.

It's mood-altering.

♪ Ah, sing it to me ♪

♪ Everything is beautiful ♪

Hi. There was a nice

little moment there.

Where you goin'?

You don't

have cigarettes?

You got to have cigarettes.

I'm sorry,

but we're fresh out.

Lady, people out there

are addicts. They need

cigarettes like they need air.

Well, I guess that

explains it then. Gum?

♪ Happy days are here again ♪

♪ The skies above

are clear again ♪

It wasn't a problem

until Emmett--

He took up with that girl.

Those nights that

he was out with her,

and I was home with the TV.

See, I figured

we could see it through.

So when he said

he was movin' her in with us...

and that

I could stay or leave,

I see now I should have left.

I've got something--

[ Pants ]

When you--

[ Sobs, Stammers ]

[ Stammers, Sighs ]

I--

Maybe later?

Want to do it later?

I think, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Why did you--

[ Sobbing ]

Can you--

Some feeling words in there?

[ Pants, Stammers ]

I--

[ Stammers ]

Okay. All right. Okay.

That's a good start.

It's a good start. We'll do it

another time. It's all right.

Okay, so let's finish up today

with a prayer, all right?

Let's all hold hands.

God--

[ Group ]

Grant me the serenity to accept

the things I cannot change,

the courage to change

the things I can...

and the wisdom

to know the difference.

It works if you work it.

It's worth it!

All right!

All right.

Yeah!

Take on the day.

Go ahead.

[ Sighs ]

A B-minus.

Hey, Gwen C.!

Your bed was not made up.

Your clothes were

all over the place.

I'm giving you an "F"

for daily inspection

and fining you a dollar.

So pay up.

Tell you what.

Here's $5.

I don't plan on

cleaning all week.

Bitch.

Hey.

Hey.

- How ya doin'?

- Good.

Uh, look, I don't know how much

money I have in my bank

account,

but it's all yours

if I could just bum

one of those cigarettes.

Sure. They're Reds.

Thank you.

Been here long?

Yeah.

So what's the deal here

if somebody was looking for

something with a little more...

kick than nicotine, I mean?

Do people actually get stuff

here or is it, you know?

- It happens.

- Mmm.

How does it work?

How can you get stuff?

I mean, can you get stuff

or is it like--

If your counselor

catches you using, you can

get kicked out of here.

I don't plan on

discussing it with him.

Too late.

Generally people come to rehab

not to get loaded.

Yeah, well, I try not

to run with the pack.

You're a real individual.

You're the only person

in the world who does

drugs and alcohol.

I meant what I said out there.

You get caught using you run

the risk of getting kicked out.

Fair enough.

We done?

Believe me.

I'll know if you're using.

You always this charming?

Do you always use humor

to deflect things when

you're uncomfortable?

Do you always use insight

to disarm your new recruits?

What's that?

It's literature

about your disease.

Oh.

A.A. Big Book,

some work sheets.

That's a journal I want you

to write in every day.

Suppose I have to do this.

You got better things

to do with your time?

Nope.

Hey, listen. This isn't

the last lousy day you're

going to have around here.

Just remember.

God never dumps more

on us than we can handle.

Is that available stitched

on a pillow somewhere?

[ Betty On P.A. ]

Tonight's lecture:

"Are You A Blackout Drunk...

Or Don't You Remember?"

Okay.

Goin' down?

Uh-uh.

My problem is my father just

happened to watch Dateline...

the night they're

doing some expose on,

you know,

Park Avenue drug users...

the night he caught me

doing some blow in the bathroom.

But I don't have a problem.

I don't have health

problems either.

I play Ultimate Frisbee

two times a week.

And I'm a patron

of the arts and diseases

and cures and stuff.

That's what

I'm spending my money on.

So I like to have

a little bit of fun.

[ Betty On P.A. ]

Adult children of alcoholics

is moved to 9:00 in room eight.

Co-deps starts at 8:00

in "B."

C.A.s and N.A.s meet tomorrow,

and overeaters, sexual

addicts--

Who the hell do you have to know

to get a drink around here?

[ Laughs ]

[ Both Laughing ]

[ Jasper Laughing ]

This is for you.

Oh, my God,

I love you so much.

[ Grunting ]

Where are all the celebrities?

There are none.

Can you believe it?

What? Don't they know

all anyone wants from rehab is

a good coked-out star story?

Elizabeth Taylor

weeping in group...

about how she never

felt beautiful.

Never. Not one single day.

Now, that's

the story they want.

Come here. I'm gonna

get you out of here.

I'm not supposed to leave.

You're not supposed

to have mommy's little helper

in your pocket either.

Hold on. Hold on.

[ Laughs ]

Okay, go.

[ Betty On P.A. ]

There's a green Isuzu

parked in a therapist's spot.

Please move your Isuzu.

Shh. I'm hiding.

Be very, very quiet.

[ Laughing ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

[ Man ]

♪ Drunk men stagger

Drunk men fall ♪

♪ Drunk men swear

and that's not all ♪

♪ Quite often they will

urinate outdoors ♪

♪ Like widowed women

drunk men weep ♪

♪ Like children curled up

drunk men sleep ♪

♪ Like a dog a drunk will

crawl around on all fours ♪

♪ If you're a broke bum

and a rich rake ♪

♪ His dinner

be it bread or cake ♪

♪ His beverage be the worst

of whiskey, finest wine ♪

♪ Puke it stinks

and so it seems ♪

♪ That drunkards

go to great extremes ♪

♪ But there's yet to be

a perfectly straight line ♪

Hi, everybody.

[ Papers Rustling ]

So what's the deal?

I'm out?

It will take me a day

to arrange your transfer.

I have to make some calls.

I know where I wanna go.

There's this place in the city--

I'm not referring you

to a treatment facility.

I get to go home?

Nope.

Well, where am I going then?

Your sentence was for 28 days

of rehab or jail time.

You don't honestly think

I'm goin' to jail, do you?

No? For driving drunk,

crashing into a house,

knocking over a lawn jockey

that could have been

a four-year-old child?

Yeah, but it wasn't.

It was a four-year-old

lawn jockey.

That's fine if

this is a joke to you,

but in here we have rules.

I warned you about them.

Have your bags packed

by tomorrow morning.

No, I'm not, 'cause

I don't belong in jail.

I don't even

belong in here.

Yeah, I know I drink a lot.

I do because I'm a writer,

and that's what I do.

Hi.

We drink.

Cornell Shaw

for Clancy, please.

I'm not like those people out

there. I can control myself.

I'll hold.

I can!

If I wanted to, I could,

if that's what I wanted I could.

- I can!

- [ Sighs ]

I can!

You know what?

Forget that, Mr. Rogers,

you 12-steppin' geek.

What do you know

about me? Nothing!

You don't know--

You don't know

a goddamn thing about me.

You know that?

♪ Always tomorrow

Lean on me ♪

Excuse me.

♪ When you're not strong ♪

Excuse me.

♪ And I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry-- ♪

Excuse me! Excuse me!

We're better together!

No drugs!

Grant me the serenity

to accept...

the things I cannot change.

Excuse me!

[ Group ]

It works if--

[ Coughs ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Clock Ticking ]

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

Are you coming?

Uh, no.

Okay.

Hi. My name is Cornell.

I am a drug addict, alcoholic,

compulsive gambler/liar.

[ Group ]

Hi, Cornell.

For those of you

who are new tonight,

I know that

this is not your year.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Grunts ]

♪ [ Punk ]

♪ There will be trouble ♪

♪ If I stay

it will be double ♪

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,

oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

♪ [ Continues, Indistinct ]

♪

♪ If I stay

there will be trouble ♪

♪ If I stay

it will be double ♪

If that will make you happy,

I will stop drinking.

And then I would

tell myself,

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

"Tonight I will not

get wasted."

And then something

would happen...

or nothing would happen.

And, uh,

I'd get that feeling.

[ Cornell ]

You all know

what that feeling is...

when your skin is screaming

and your hands are shaking.

Uh, and your stomach feels

like it wants to jump...

through your throat.

And you know

if anyone had a clue...

how wrong it felt to be sober,

they wouldn't dream of

asking you to stay that way.

They would say, "Oh, geez.

I didn't know. Here.

"It's okay for you.

Do that mound of cocaine.

"Have a drink.

Have 20 drinks.

Whatever you need to do to feel

like a normal human being,

you do it."

And, boy, I did it.

Oh!

I drank and I snorted,

and I drank and snorted

and drank and snorted.

[ Grunts ]

I did this day after day

after night after night.

I didn't care about the

consequences, because I knew

they couldn't be half as bad...

as not using.

Shit!

Oh, God!

And then one night

something happened.

[ Gwen's Voice ]

You know you're screwed.

Mm-hmm.

Oh!

[ Screams ]

[ Cornell ]

I woke up.

I woke up on a sidewalk.

And I had no idea

where I was.

I couldn't have told you

the city I was in.

My head was pounding,

and I looked down and my shirt

is covered in blood.

As I'm lying there,

wondering what happens next,

I heard a voice, and it said,

"Man, this is

not a way to live.

This is a way to die."

[ Groans ]

Can I help you?

Eddie Boone, checking in.

You can't bring

a girl into treatment

with you, Eddie.

Oh.

I wasn't gonna keep her.

You know what?

You were really lucky

you didn't break anything.

That'll be tender

and swollen for a while.

Unfortunately you're gonna have

to live with the pain, because

I can't give you anything.

So take these.

Take these. Good.

Listen, rest.

Alternate heat and cold.

Elevate--

You know,

your carpet is filthy.

I only bring that up because

carpet grit's responsible for

a lot of major health problems.

That's the last thing

you need around here

is a major health problem.

Uh, hey, um,

listen about the, um,

about that, uh, jail thing.

I-I-I-- I can't.

I-I-- I can't go.

Um, uh, well, not

because I don't wanna go,

but, um, it, uh--

Oh, God, my hands.

You know, they just

keep doing that.

That's not normal.

I just-- There's something

wrong with my hands--

um, well, with me.

'Cause, uh, what kind of person

just jumps out of a--

What kind of person

jumps out of a window...

because she can't

sit still, you know?

And be alone and, you know,

in a room without--

You know, a person

should be able to

just be alone, right?

You know, human beings

should be able to just breathe.

I can't breathe.

And I feel that

I think I know--

I think I know that

if I go to jail...

like this, you know,

I'll die, and, uh--

I don't wanna die.

I don't like what's

happening here.

Wait a minute.

Let's try to use

a feeling word.

Um, I'm pissed.

- Okay, pissed. Why?

- Because no way

should she be here.

All right, tell her.

No way should you be here.

That's right.

There's a rule. No using.

You broke it.

- I'm sorry.

- Sorry, my ass.

All you've done since you got

here is sit around while the

rest of us work our butts off.

- I realize that--

- Now you expect us to be glad

they let you stay?

I'm not expecting anything.

Gwen, just listening.

Everybody, feeling words.

I don't think you are giving.

I don't feel that

you are giving person.

- I'm trying!

- I don't think

you have niceness.

I don't feel niceness

coming from you.

Should I just go

to another group?

That would be a great idea.

You can spread your negativity

even further.

- Daniel--

- If you really tried--

-Daniel--

-You could ruin the experience--

- Hey, Daniel!

- for the patient population!

I am having a bad day!

I am having the worst damn day

of my whole damn life!

So if it is not too much

to ask of you people,

will you just back the fuck off?

Excellent work.

Really excellent work.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Good sharing, everybody.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Oh, hey, hi.

Hey. Oh.

I actually wanted to talk

to you about last night.

I don't normally do that,

but you were great.

Oh, my Lord.

You gotta be kiddin' me.

What?

Promise me we were safe.

We were what?

Safe.

Safe?

You're not one of them

paternity suit kind of gals?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

I'm talking

about last night.

Well, yeah.

You don't remember

last night, do you?

I got a little drunk

on the airplane.

Of course you did.

Um, you know what?

It was, uh, nothing.

Just don't worry about it.

We didn't?

Nope.

Thank God,

boy, I mean--

You know what?

That's more than enough.

Thank you.

Nothing personal.

I just made myself

a promise...

no more endin' up naked

with some girl I don't

know what her name is.

That's a noble goal,

and I wish you the very best

of luck with it.

[ Woman ] Cirrhosis

is the ninth leading cause

of death in the United States.

Forty-five percent of the time

that is alcohol induced.

Let's take a look

at the first slide.

- This could be

your liver right now.

- Do you have plans for dinner?

This is not a test about you and

how you act in relationships.

It's called equine therapy.

Tennessee doesn't

lie and manipulate.

He's just gonna

respond to how you feel.

Your job is to clean his hoof.

This is how

one gets sober?

It's character revealing.

The way we approach the horse

is supposed to be the way

we approach the world.

We gotta try

to match our insides

with our outsides. Be real.

So our therapist today

is a very large, smelly

beast of burden.

We're totally in sync.

Step in. You breathe.

[ Inhales ]

Couldn't stink more

if he were dead.

You reach down,

pinch the tendon.

Trust yourself,

and let the horse do the rest.

Who's gonna be first?

Gwen?

Think you might

need some help?

Nope. I'm fine.

Let yourself go.

All right, Mister Ed,

just pick up your stupid foot.

Can't force it.

Are you sure

you don't need some help?

No. I'm fine.

All right, look, Cornell.

Just give me a pill.

Give me a shot.

Give me a-- I don't know.

Give me a lobotomy?

Right because

instant gratification worked

so well for you in the past.

Just take it easy

and keep it simple.

I am so tired by the way

you people talk. I mean,

"One day at a time."

What is that?

Like two, three days

at a time is an option?

I don't need the Romper Room

bullshit. I just need--

What are you doing?

Therapeutic tool.

You leave me no choice.

[ Pen Scratching On Paper ]

Betty, you gotta get me

a new roommate.

This guy stinks.

I don't know if he's

eatin' beef and secreting

ketones out of every pore.

We're gonna come back

to this, Betty.

I'm gonna be back.

We're in each other's

lives, okay?

Hey, Gwen, Gwen.

Did you get a sign?

"Confront me

if I don't ask for help."

What kind of help you

lookin' for exactly?

[ Button Clicks ]

[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

Okay, Traci, I want you

to tell your mom,

"When you do drugs,

this is what happens," okay?

When you do drugs, you don't do

any fun stuff like you used to.

Be specific, Traci.

What was fun?

When you play games with us

and do puzzles. That was fun.

I have an idea.

[ Girls Laughing,

Mom Screaming ]

[ Car Horn Honking ]

[ Screaming ]

You want to tell your mom

about the drawing, Darnell?

It's of me and Traci

home late at night,

and Mom's not there.

Tell your mom

how that makes you feel

when she's not there.

[ Darnell ]

Worried.

Wait, Lily.

Beat ya again.

[ Darnell ]

Scared.

Great.

Oh, man! Not again.

I don't know.

Wake up.

Mom?

[ Blowing ]

Hello? Wake up.

Sad, I guess.

[ Laughing ]

Lonely.

Hello?

No reaction.

Scared. Worried.

I have an idea.

[ Darnell ]

Worried. Scared.

Oh!

She's fine.

She's up. Bye!

[ Screen Door Closes ]

Hey, hey, what do you know?

Pills and booze have got to go!

Hey, hey, what do you say?

Sober is the only way!

All right.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Good night, Eddie.

[ Screen Door Opening ]

Wait for me!

Beat ya. [ Woman ]

Girls!

- What?

- Aunt Helen, what

are you doing here?

- Where's Mom?

- I'm going to be

straight with you.

[ Helen ]

Your mother has passed.

That's okay. Just slap her

real hard,

and she'll wake up.

Girls, this will only

be for a while

until we figure out

something more permanent.

[ Line Ringing, Clicks ]

[ Woman ]

Hello?

Hey, it's me. Gwen.

I know which "me" it is.

What is it?

Oh, no, let me guess.

You need money.

I'm not going to give you

any more money, Gwen.

Lil, I don't need money.

It's different this time.

Great. I'm glad

to hear it, Gwen.

Whatever happened to

our fun-and-friendly-sister

rapport?

I don't know.

Why don't you tell me?

Um, look, they make you--

They're having

a family week.

What?

A-- Family sessions.

They, um, work with us

a couple of days.

They teach us

how to talk to each other,

and then they supervise

an actual conversation.

You want me to come there?

That what you're saying?

They make you ask somebody, so

it's either you or Aunt Helen.

So let me get this straight.

You screw up

and then I'm supposed to drop

everything in my life and just--

They can schedule it

around what's good for you, so--

Hello?

No, it's just--

You know,

I'm cooking here, okay?

You know, I've got people

coming over. I can't just--

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean, you know--

No, I mean, you never do.

Gwen, you never mean anything.

[ Stammers ]

I have to-- I have to go.

Lil, look, I bet

this one's really fast.

It's just a table, stupid.

Leave it alone.

No, it's a sled.

[ Line Humming ]

Oh.

Well, I'm not a fan

of all soap operas,

just Santa Cruz.

It's just an incredible show.

I saw it the first time, um,

when I was in the hospital

a while ago after I got out

of my first rehab center.

There was this girl on the show

who's Darian.

She was also hospitalized,

and it was like I was

staring at myself.

I mean, not physically

because I don't have

the curly hair and stuff.

This whole thing

had happened with her.

She had actually been

impregnated by her brother,

but she obviously didn't know

it was her brother at the time.

I don't have a brother,

but I have sisters.

So it's really sort of, um,

been an inspiration... for me.

It's really sort of

helped me stay sober...

off and on.

Mom, everything's okay.

Hi!

[ Man ]

♪ Mother liked her white wine ♪

Hey, Andrea.

♪ Have a glass or two ♪

♪ Almost every single night

after her day was through ♪

♪ Some say

chardonnay Chablis ♪

Hey, Daniel. Daniel.

Want to give me

one of those?

Get your own.

[ Whispers ]

All right then.

♪ You've got to take the edge

off if you want to get there

♪

Hey, can I bum a cig?

♪ Have a glass or two

Sit out on the screen porch ♪

♪ White winos, Mom and me ♪

♪ And talk about her childhood♪

♪ Recap my career ♪

♪ When we got to my father that

was when I switched to beer ♪

There she is.

Hello, darling.

How are ya?

Mmm! Mmm!

Ow. Ow. Ow!

What?

Christ!

My God! What's that?

Ah, nothing.

You poor little thing.

What are they doing

to you here?

I fell.

Is that part of the therapy?

Oh, you poor baby. Oh.

I'll get you home,

darlin'.

Okay.

Everyone's

asking after you.

Like who?

Like Mrs. Lefkowitz

from downstairs.

Remember her?

The non-talker?

Right. Five years,

not a peep.

I'm crossing the lobby

yesterday. She stops

in her tracks and says,

"Thanks God you

got rid of that girl.

She's nothin' but bad news."

It's not funny.

Of course it's funny.

No, Jasper, it's not.

Anonymous strangers thinking

I'm bad news. That's not funny.

It is funny. Believe me.

Everyone I've told

has laughed really hard.

That's great.

You need cheering up.

I'm taking you away.

This will cheer you up a bit.

Get away from

these freaky people.

You don't wanna be here--

Ow! God!

Who was that?

Anyway--

Here. Have some cheese.

Have it on a roll.

No, no bread.

I'm getting fat.

Come on.

It's better with bread.

I said I don't want bread.

All right, I'll have

the bread. Just break it

open for me, will you?

No, what is your problem?

Just break open the bread.

This is a ring.

Yep.

What are you, proposing or--

Yeah, I am.

At rehab?

No, I'm

proposing to you now.

You happen to be here.

Yeah, but--

I don't know. I mean--

"How did he ask?"

"He came down

to visit me in rehab--"

So it's not

moonlight in Maui.

Where did you think

we were gonna get married?

McSorley's Pub?

- Why not? Make a good story.

- I don't need any more stories.

I have enough stories.

I would like a life.

Well, I guess that's what

I thought I was offering.

[ Sighs ]

What is that?

Champagne.

I brought it to go

with the proposal,

thinking wrongly this might

be quite a romantic moment.

This is so not how I saw

this whole thing playing out.

I'm sorry. I'm just not taking

this as lightly as I used to.

- Taking what?

- This-- this-- this, this--

Straighten-up and

fly-right thing. This--

I don't know.

I mean, maybe there is

something wrong with me.

-That what they're telling you?

-No! No-- Yeah. It is.

I think they're right.

They're not. Trust me.

You're just in a rut.

It happens to everyone.

No, there's an entire world

of people out there

who do everything right.

They live right.

They don't drink.

They don't do drugs.

- That's shit.

- They are happy.

They're not happy.

No adult human being is happy.

People are born. They have

a limited amount of time going

around thinking life is dandy.

But then inevitably

tragedy strikes, and they

realize life equals loss.

The whole point of the game

is to minimize the pain

caused by that equation.

Some people do it by

having kids or making money

or taking up coin collecting.

Others do it

by getting wasted.

Letting that little switch

in the head turn the hot light

off and the cool light on.

Nobody gets hurt

collecting coins.

Everybody hurts everybody.

It's the human condition.

Oh, come on, Gwennie.

Don't let them tell you there's

something wrong with you.

There isn't! You're fine!

I don't feel fine.

Of course you don't feel fine.

You're in Deliverance country

surrounded by sober freaks.

And you're not with me.

Come on. I don't feel fine

these days either.

I think that's

because we're apart.

You're mine. I'm yours.

I love you.

Why do you want me, Jasper?

I am such a mess.

Maybe I like mess.

There's a time when

you can share and hold hands...

and be on the same path.

But there's always

a fork in the road...

at some point.

Sometimes you have to go

on one part of the fork,

and they got to go

on the other part of the fork.

Or just down the back part of

the fork while you go forward.

And they're like--

[ Sighs ]

Or they got a salad fork,

and you have one of

the big dinner forks,

and you have longer to go,

but they're, like, done,

because that's it.

They're stuck on

a piece of food that they--

[ Sighs ]

Their dessert fork or

like one of those, you know,

small little shrimp forks

or the crab forks and you're

trying to get out a crab.

They're like that,

and you're over here jumping

to the huge serving fork...

or something like that

or ladle, you know.

[ Sighs ]

Hey, And? Guess what.

[ Ring Clatters On Table ]

Hey, goober. What, you're

not talking to me right now?

I only had, like, five pieces.

What are you doing?

Here. Okay, give me that.

She didn't come.

Your mom?

I waited all day for her.

I did my hair.

Yeah, well, honey, she probably

had to work or something.

No, she just hates me.

I make her embarrassed.

She doesn't hate you.

Hold this. I'm gonna

get someone--

No, no!

Don't tell anybody!

It's okay.

We have to.

It's serious.

They'll take me to psychiatric.

They won't let me stay here.

Okay, okay.

I can't get

kicked out again.

Okay, okay.

Okay. Okay.

We're not gonna go

anywhere, all right?

All right, come on.

Why don't we-- Why don't

we go in the other room?

Okay?

Mm-hmm.

How did you do that?

What? That?

Mm-hmm.

It's pretty easy.

You just take one of these.

Tear it in half.

Just so you know,

I wasn't...

trying to off myself

or anything.

Okay.

It's just something

I do sometimes.

Doesn't it hurt?

It feels better.

- Than what?

- Everything else.

See, like that.

Then you try and slip them

into the cracks like that.

[ Whispers ]

Right there.

Is he a drunk?

I don't know. Maybe.

Then you have to say no.

It's just like

Darian and Falcon.

He was addicted to gambling

and though she completely

and completely...

loved him,

she had to walk away.

Am I supposed

to know these people?

From Santa Cruz.

Ah.

It was more complicated

for them though.

It turned out

that they were actually

half-brother, half-sister,

but Darian didn't know that

when she found out

about the gambling.

Uh-huh. Can't believe

this is the advice I'm getting.

Yeah, well, sure doesn't stay

on the air for 18 years

for being stupid.

[ Betty On P.A. ]

Tonight's lecture:

"I've Worked All 12 Steps.

Can I Go Home Now?"

[ Woman Giggling ]

[ Thudding ]

[ Man Giggling ]

Oh.

[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

Bus is here.

Thanks.

[ Giggling ]

[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

Oh, my God.

[ Woman ]

Ooh!

Let's go, team.

It's all about trust today.

Whoa.

[ Laughs ]

Ooh. Come here.

Listen, um, uh,

about last night,

I really think

you should tell somebody.

Oh, yeah, I already did.

Yeah? When?

This morning I found

my counselor and I told her.

We talked about it.

She's gonna help me out.

You really talked to her?

No, I'm making it up.

We don't really have

to climb this thing, do we?

We don't know the whole story.

We ought to hear her side

before we go saying what's what.

Yeah. Guzzling Gwen!

What's up with the ring

and the roll guy?

Who?

Your boyfriend.

Andrea, does "in confidence"

mean anything to you?

You never said

not to tell.

Oh, okay.

Gwen, I know better

than anyone how important

it is who you marry.

But, honey, just because

somebody proposes, that don't

mean you have to say yes.

Did someone

propose to Gwen?

Her boyfriend.

- I thought Gwen was a lesbian.

- I'm not a lesbian!

- It'd be okay if you were.

- Can we talk about

something else, please?

- When did all this happen?

- Yesterday on the lake.

Was it sunset?

Sunset by the lake

is very romantic.

It was lunchtime, and he

brought

a picnic with champagne.

- He brought champagne?

- Oh, come on!

We didn't drink it.

I threw it overboard.

It's not a very cool guy

to bring you booze in rehab.

It's not his fault.

He just doesn't understand

what I'm doing here.

If you were serious

about getting sober,

your love partner would know.

You must not be very committed

to your recovery.

- Aah! Oh, my God!

- Sorry!

Aren't you supposed to be

doing something right now?

- I got ya.

- I say you dump that guy.

Believe it or not, I can make

this decision on my own, okay?

I don't need your help.

- That's not what

your neck sign says.

- Forget what my neck sign says.

He doesn't know

the first thing about me.

Neither do you people.

You don't have to live

my shitty little life.

Until you do, do not tell me

to give up the one person

that matters to me.

I know he's not perfect.

But he's the one person that'll

show up on my birthday and say,

"I'm glad you were born!"

Aah! What is

the matter with you?

Just let go. Trust it.

Yeah, trust it.

Aah!

Oh, my God.

Look at my package.

[ Group ]

♪ No matter where I roam ♪

♪ From land or sea or foam ♪

♪ You can always hear me

singin' this song ♪

♪ Show me the way

to go home ♪

Here we go.

Oh, my God. Is there a key

to the ladies' room, please?

Thank you.

Excuse me, sir.

Can I please have the key

to the men's room?

What?

What?

Eddie Boone.

Eddie Boone.

Come on, come on, come on.

I need some paper,

some pen.

Dad, we just need

a napkin or something.

Okay, hold on.

Hold on. Let me look.

This is all I got.

That's it.

Thanks, thanks.

Um, there.

All right then.

What's your names?

My name's Adam.

I'm Dan.

Adam and Dan.

You pitched a no-hitter

against the Braves on August 4.

That right?

August 4?

Hey, Eddie,

where's your car, man?

- I bet it's really cool.

- My car?

Oh, yeah?

You know what, guys?

We gotta get home.

Say good-bye now.

[ Eddie ]

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, nice to meet you.

[ Door Closes ]

Have a great season, Eddie.

[ Mutters ]

Hi.

Mail call!

Oh, charm blossom,

you know this really

isn't necessary,

lining up the mail

like some sort of bar graph...

to show the relative fullness

of everyone's life.

-I know my life is empty, okay?

-For you.

[ Rustling ]

♪ [ Organ On TV ]

Hey.

Hey.

- Watching game tapes?

- Yep.

Hmm. They're

out of ginger snaps.

Aha!

[ Laughs ]

That looks like your mail's

more fun than mine.

Do you want 'em?

- You don't want 'em?

- Nope.

What'd you get?

From my sister.

She's coming to family sessions.

- That's good.

- No.

I'd pay very good money

not to hear what she has to say.

So, what's wrong

with your balls?

So to speak.

[ Laughs ]

So to speak, nothin'.

I just don't want 'em.

- Why not?

- 'Cause I don't.

In philosophy

that's called a tautology.

Something is what it is

because it is what it is.

Why is the sky blue?

It reflects the ocean.

Why is the ocean blue?

It reflects the sky.

Who are you talking to?

I have no idea.

I bet you can't sit still and

be quiet for even one minute.

I can.

Yeah?

Is this what we're doing now?

A little quiet

contest? Okay.

[ Sighs ]

[ Clicks ]

♪ [ Organ ]

-♪ [ Continues ]

- Wait a minute!

These are not game tapes.

Wait.

Oh, my God!

Let me have that.

I know what this is.

Darian?

I can't believe

you watch this.

I wasn't watch--

Santa Cruz watcher.

[ Laughs ]

[ Woman ]

Don't make me do this. Can't

you see this is torture for me?

[ Man ]

Don't you know every moment

away from your bed...

is another moment

of hell for me?

Um--

I'm sorry.

No, it's fine.

No, I'm sorry.

It's totally fine.

I always do that.

I always do that.

You always do what?

Women-- Drugs, women.

I mean, just leap

before you think.

So--

Not you. I mean--

What are you saying?

What, you were trying

to snort me?

[ Woman On TV ]

Turn it off, Darian.

Yeah, maybe.

Mmm.

What a perfect opportunity

to thank him

for curing your cancer.

If I'd known he was

going to save your life

just to join it with his,

I'd would have

preferred you died!

[ Eddie ]

Pretty good show once you

get to know everybody in it.

So who sent you

all those balls?

My agent.

Yeah?

He's trying

to psyche me up.

Oh, for next season?

Well, for there to be

a next season, yeah.

Why, you thinking

about retiring?

I don't know.

Might have to.

Got to quit

sometime.

I'm not 22 anymore.

Plus, you know,

maybe a more normal life.

Might be a lot

less pressure.

I understand.

Marry a cute girl,

move to the suburbs,

spend your weekends mowing.

You'll never want

to do coke again.

- [ Woman ] Are you okay?

- [ Man ] These headaches.

[ Groans ]

[ Screaming ]

Oh, God!

Darian? Darian?

What the hell is he

doing here? What?

Get an ambulance.

He has meningioma astrocytoma.

- What is it?

- [ Sighs ]

A tiny little cluster

of brain tumors.

- Tiny clusters?

- He's very sick.

- [ Darian Crying ]

- [ Groaning ]

[ Groaning Continues ]

[ Betty On P.A. ]

Attention all patients.

Tonight's lecture is

"What's Wrong With Celebrating

Sobriety By Getting Drunk."

Hey. Give it to her.

- Just give it to her.

- [ Shrieks ]

Oh, my God.

Where did you get this? Guys,

this is the soap opera I watch.

You watch my soap?

Yeah.

Eddie, you surprise me.

I only work every fifth day.

How else am I supposed

to do with my time?

Well, thank you very much.

Sometimes I like to read,

you know, literature,

stuff like that.

Your betting is what lost you

your money and my respect.

[ Grunts ]

I love you.

[ Mutters ]

Mom? Dr. Griffin?

What are you doing here?

Darian, we've come to tell you

something about... Falcon.

Darian, it looks like I may be

carrying Falcon's child.

What do you want to bet

that child turns out to

have a gambling problem?

[ Groans ]

Oh, no!

It's just another

tiny cluster.

Do something!

It's just a little tiny cluster.

It'll be over in a minute.

He'll get over it.

Falcon will be back

better than ever.

No, Falcon's

leaving the show.

He's having brain clusters.

Maybe it's more than

a little cluster.

- [ Eddie ] I hate that mother.

- [ Andrea ] I love her.

You do?

I think she's hilarious.

Okay, I want you to talk

to Gwen and be specific.

Pick one incident.

You ruined my wedding.

And when that happened,

how did you feel?

How do you think

it made me feel?

Tell her.

I-I'm trying to explain here,

okay? I mean, you asked me,

so I'm just--

She shows up drunk,

stumbles through

the entire ceremony,

and after, at the reception,

she gets up...

and in front of my friends,

my new in-laws,

she gives this toast that was--

What toast?

Gwen, let your sister talk.

What toast?

"Well, not everybody

can be perfect,

[ Gwen's Voice Overlapping ]

but at least

some of us can try."

[ Clears Throat ]

We all know that grown-ups

have to make compromises,

and Lily is very,

very grown up,

so that's what she did.

She said, "Is Andrew...

"the very best man for me...

"on this earth?

No! And I mean, no!"

She says, "I'm not getting

any younger. He makes

a hell of a lot of money,

so I'll marry

the little sucker."

[ Laughs ]

To Lily!

And her little... sucker!

That's not what happened.

Oh, and you think

your memory of that day

is somehow better than mine?

I don't think so.

Let's try to stick

with the format.

I'm sticking to the format.

I'm just trying to give you

a picture here.

And she walks around

like some victim.

Like life just handed her

this raw deal.

Well, you know,

my father left, too,

and my mother died

when I was little too.

You don't see me using

that as some excuse...

to completely abandon

all self-control

and indulge myself--

Indulge?

You think I like this?

We've gotten off track here.

Lily. Lily.

Think about Gwen's

behavior at your wedding and

tell her now how you feel.

Yeah, Lily,

how does it make you feel?

This is just-- This is--

I don't need this.

[ Paper Rustles ]

I have a life.

[ Screen Door Opens ]

Lily, wait for me!

Beat ya.

[ Scoffs ]

[ Person Grunts ]

[ Thudding ]

What are you doing?

Great. Another

thing I suck at.

Hold on. Gwen, hey, please.

Come here a second.

What?

What were you

thinking about?

When you threw the ball,

what were you thinking about?

I don't know.

The mating habits

of African ants.

I don't know.

The striped thing.

You were thinking about

hitting the mattress.

Yeah.

It might sound funny to you,

but that's all wrong.

Oh, good.

You get locked in on the strike

zone, next thing you know, it's

looking the size of a peanut.

You're thinking, "Damn. I gotta

get that little ball in there?"

You've psyched yourself

right out of the game.

Strike zone, the call,

the count, the batter,

forget all that.

You got to think

about the little things,

the things you can control.

You can control your stance,

your balance, your release,

your follow-through.

When I think about

those little things

and only those little things--

You know, I mean,

'cause when you--

When you let go

of the ball, it's over.

You don't have any say

in what happens down there.

That's somebody else's job.

I want you to try this.

I don't want to try it.

- I'm just curious.

- I don't want to do it.

I just want to see

how you hold it.

Just hold it. Don't grab it.

Don't grab it.

Look at it. Look at it.

Hold it like an egg.

Loose. Easy. All right?

Let me just get a look at it

from over here.

Let me just get a look

at it from over here.

All right now, I want you

to throw it over here

nice and easy.

Point at me

with your left hand.

I want you to throw it

where you're pointin' at.

That was better.

You nutted the batter, and the

other team's rushin' the mound

to beat the crap out of you.

Try it again. Heads up.

Do it again.

- This time, shut your eyes.

- What?

- Just shut your eyes.

- So weird.

Fire away.

Right there.

That is a strike in any country.

Yeah?

You're a natural.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Coughing ]

Come on. Come on.

Folks, the definition

of insanity...

is repeating the same behavior

over and over again,

expecting different results.

Thank you.

[ Horse Blows Raspberry ]

I have a question.

[ Cornell ]

Yeah?

Once we all leave,

we have needs...

that are going to need

to be filled by people

physically at times.

How and when can we do that?

Not how, just when?

I know.

Lots of people in recovery

want to know when's

a good time to start dating.

My rule of thumb is, when you

get home, get yourself a plant.

I like those spider plants,

but whatever turns you on.

Then in about a year,

get a pet.

If in, say, two years,

the plant and the pet

are still alive,

then you can start to think

about having a relationship.

Thanks.

[ Group Laughing ]

I'll be fine.

I know what to do.

Don't drink. Go to meetings.

Find a sponsor. Ask for help.

Right.

Don't drink. Go to meetings.

Find a sponsor. Ask for help.

[ Group ]

♪ Happy trails to you ♪

♪ Keep smiling until then ♪

♪ Who cares about the clouds

if we're together ♪

[ Woman ]

♪ Just sing a song

and bring the sunny-- ♪

I hope he makes it.

Well, only statistically

three out of ten of us will.

In a way, it's good for us

if he goes back to using.

[ Scoffs ]

God.

Oddswise.

[ Horse Whinnies ]

[ Chickens Clucking ]

[ Sighs ]

God, I love afternoons

like this.

Do you know what's missing

from this afternoon?

That I don't have a very dry

vodka martini with two olives

in a chilled glass.

I miss that.

Lately I've been

lying awake at night...

thinking of the dumb-ass things

I've done when I was messed up.

One night last year at dinner,

I threw up

all over my glazed ham.

Then I was thinkin'

maybe nobody noticed.

I don't think of it

as a garnish.

I'm a winner. Oh, God.

You know what

the worst one was for me?

My best friend

in the whole world--

Grew up playing ball,

huntin' and fishin'.

One Sunday morning he walks in

on me and his wife in bed.

You never live

that one down.

Tell me one of yours.

Excuse me?

What's the worst thing

you ever did when

you were messed up?

Oh, uh, I don't know.

Come on. Give me a couple.

I'll pick one.

I don't really remember--

I just told you

stuff that's--

Hey, I'm a drunk.

Drunks forget everything.

Come on.

Why? So I can recount the last

15 disgusting years of my life

to humiliate myself?

No, thanks.

Yeah, why not?

Because I don't feel like it.

I don't feel like

talking about it.

You too good for me?

Are you dense?

Did your mother

drop you on your head?

What? I said no!

I don't wanna talk about it.

Just drop it.

God, it's so hard.

Oh, you're a doctor.

That's the way

it's supposed to be.

There's something

I want--

Shh!

We carry our own bags here.

This isn't the Sheraton.

Your chores are posted.

We will take the stairs.

I pay you a shitload of money.

I am not doing chores.

Pills.

Booze.

Coke and sex.

[ Griffin ]

We're not going

to need any champagne.

It's our daughter Darian,

Deirdre.

Don't worry about Darian.

I tucked her

into bed hours ago.

So did I.

No.

No.

No!

Oh, God!

It was the most

unbelievable episode.

I wish you'd seen it.

Everyone was

losing their mind.

What are you doing?

Packing.

What does it look like?

Why? You're not leaving

for another couple of days.

So? I am leaving.

Might as well get ready.

There's no point in making

this room homey when I'm only

going to be here 42 more hours.

There's 20 minutes

left of curfew.

Let's get some ice cream.

Satisfy that sugar craving

of yours.

No, thanks.

You don't have

to do this, you know.

Do what?

How do you know

what I have to do?

Have you ever

left rehab before?

No, but I--

"But" nothing.

You've never left rehab

before, so you don't know

what you're talking about.

True, but I have been a part of

some very emotional sing-outs--

That's right. You sang

"Lean On Me," a few times.

It's the stupidest

freaking cheesy song ever.

My mistake then.

You must know about leaving

rehab better than anyone.

Oh! I got an eyelash.

Make a wish.

Custody of my kids.

[ Man ]

Sobriety.

Oh, come on, baby.

We all want that.

Think of something else.

My foreskin back.

No one asked me

before they took it.

They just took it.

[ Man ]

Way to share, Gerhardt.

Way to share.

[ Woman ]

Okay, here we go.

[ Woman ]

All gone.

[ Machine Whirring ]

Hey! Read the sign.

Oh, Betty,

where is the love, huh?

Daniel, wow.

Guzzling Gwen.

Hey, what happened?

This?

I honest to God don't know.

Well, um,

it's really nice to see you.

Hey, get a room.

Ah! Oh, my God!

It's a joke!

It's a miracle.

Ooh, you know what.

I could really use

your medical expertise.

You got a second?

I got a second.

Use a condom.

Ah! Two!

Two in one day!

Gerhardt? Gerhardt.

Hey, um, I wrote this

for Andrea's going away,

and that is for you.

Am I the lead?

Yes.

If you could do

that right there,

that would be great.

I should direct this.

You don't want me.

I do want you.

You're gonna be great.

Gwen, I'll ruin it.

Bobbie Jean,

you get to wear lipstick.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, so just think,

uh, think Meryl Streep.

Think Cry In The Dark.

Remember?

"A dingo stole my baby."

Andrea D., mail pickup

at the Parker cabin, main room.

Okay, go. Go, go, go.

Come on.

Gerhardt, come on!

Oh, all right. Okay.

[ Grunts ]

Watch the phone.

[ Grunts ]

Somebody sent you

a cute little monkey.

We used to make those here.

They're real easy.

You just take a string,

tie it around the toes.

Becomes the head.

Hey! Come here.

And the arms--

Okay, so sit down.

Hello, everybody.

My name's Gwen.

Uh, I'm an alcoholic

and an addict,

but I guess

you already know that.

In honor of Andrea's departure,

instead of singing

"Lean On Me" yet again,

uh, we have our own version

of Santa Cruz, Andrea.

I hope you like it.

[ Daniel ]

And now, Santa Booze.

♪ [ Santa Cruz Theme ]

♪ [ Stops ]

"Oh, Falcon, I am so afraid.

When they find I have taken

you out of the hospital,

Mother and Dr. Griffin Hartley

are sure to come here.

What will we do?

"If I can't be without--"

"With you--"

"If I can't be with you,

I would rather be dead."

[ Crowd Murmurs ]

Oh!

"But, dear God,

the tiny clusters of tumors

in my brain."

"Oh, God, the tiny

little clusters of tumors in

his brain! Somebody help!

Oh, God!"

"Wait. I have some pills that--

Mmm! I'm okay.

It's okay. I'm okay!"

"Oh, Falcon. Hold me."

[ Laughing ]

"Hey, Falcon.

I knew we'd find

you two together."

My arm.

[ Bobbie Jean ]

"Falcon, Darian.

Your lover

is also your sister."

[ Gasps ]

"No!"

- "It's not possible."

- "It is not possible."

"Deirdre, darling,

I have some bad news.

Your daughter Darian,

Falcon's lover and sister,

is also carrying my baby."

- "No!"

- "No!"

"Oh, God! Get outta here!

Get outta here!"

"All right. I got no problem

gettin' out of here."

"Go!"

I'll do this.

What are you doing?

I'm just improvising.

They do that on soaps.

Ow.

Sorry.

What are you doing?

Improvising.

Go with it.

"Oh, but, no, my tumors!"

"It's the, uh, melio-- meli--"

"Melagioma nestocytroma."

Well, whatever.

"Look, I'm sorry.

There's nothing I can do."

What are you doing?

It says in the script

that we're supposed to kiss.

Uh, Andrea,

I like ya. Bon voyage.

I'm not kissing Gerhardt.

"Okay, everybody, excellent

work. Excellent work.

"That was really good sharing.

I really enjoyed that.

Good use of feeling words

and all that. Give me more."

- "Who are you?"

- "I'm Evelyn. Don't

you recognize the hat?

"Okay, but seeing

as you're all addicts--

"drugs, sex, the same

story line for 16 years--

"here are some therapeutic tools

to keep you going.

Sometimes you gotta kiss ass

before you can kick it."

"It's the engine that kills ya,

not the caboose."

"Make love, not war."

"Don't ever be someone's slogan,

'cause you are poetry."

Thank you.

You're welcome.

[ Gwen ]

Hey!

Missed a damn fine show.

All your favorite characters

were there.

I'm happy for ya.

You can't still

be mad at me.

Listen, I'm sorry

I said that.

You're not dense.

You're great.

That's why I didn't want

to rehash my entire disgusting

history in front of you,

because-- because...

it--

And what you're think--

You'll just--

I know people's perceptions

of girls who screw

other girls' boyfriends.

I know what the world's

perception is on somebody

who goes into a bar...

and realizes five hours later

that I've left my three-year-old

godson in the back of the car.

People don't like

people like that.

I don't like people like that.

Those are just things you've

done, not who you are.

People make mistakes,

you know?

Who you are is just fine,

more than fine.

Hey!

Hey, Jasper?

What are you doing here?

I was looking for you.

Successfully

as it turns out.

Yeah.

I meant, why aren't you

at your parents' house?

Oh, that.

I realized what with them

both completely senile...

I could call them in a week,

thank them for the great time.

They'll probably think

I made the trip.

I thought you

might be lonely.

Oh, this is Eddie.

He's a patient here,

and he's from Oklahoma.

How do you do, Eddie

from Oklahoma? I'm Jasper.

Well, I'll leave

you guys to it then.

I don't know about that.

Let's think this through.

The way I see it

we got two options here.

Scenario number one.

We let Eddie from Oklahoma

head off to the showers,

wash off all that very manly

sweat, and you and I bullshit

our way through the afternoon.

Or, we could acknowledge

the awkward situation

in which we find ourselves.

I have no idea

what you're talking about.

Gwen's a clear vote

for scenario number one.

How about you?

Care to weigh in?

Abstaining? Interesting.

I guess that leaves

only me in favor of

calling a spade a spade...

and saying, "Pardon me,

but I'd prefer it if you

wouldn't sleep with my fiancée."

Jasper!

You got the wrong idea

here, pal.

Don't call me pal.

I'm not your pal.

Don't treat me like an idiot.

Do me that one courtesy, please,

'cause I'm not that either.

In fact, I've got

more brain cells...

than your entire redneck

family put together.

- Jasper, don't be a jerk.

- Gwen, don't be a slut.

Hey--

Back off, pal.

- [ Groans ]

- Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!

Go. Go.

Let me see it.

Get off!

Come on.

Let's put some ice on it.

Come on!

This way.

Honey, wake up! Andrea!

Somebody! Somebody!

Come! Come!

Gwen? What is it?

Go back in your rooms!

Oh, what did you do?

Oh, your hands are so cold.

- Somebody! Hurry up!

- What happened?

She took that.

Well, what?

I don't know what this is!

Get somebody! Hurry!

We have a medical emergency.

Send an ambulance right away.

- Let me in.

- Get back in your rooms now!

Come on. Jesus.

[ Man ]

♪ I'd rather be dreaming

than living ♪

♪ Living's just too hard to do♪

♪ It's chances, not choices ♪

♪ Noises, not voices ♪

♪ A day's just a thing

to get through ♪

♪ Living's just

too hard to do ♪

♪ Dreams might be pretend ♪

♪ But at least dreams end ♪

♪ And I just can't

stop thinking, you see ♪

♪ Thoughts are

small comfort to me ♪

[ Woman ]

We as a community have all been

deeply affected by our loss.

I'd like to begin

with how I feel,

and that's scared,

because I've heard

so many people here say,

"I just want to use

one more time."

Andrea's one more time

was what killed her.

[ Cornell ]

She didn't kill herself.

She used.

She overdosed.

♪ There's nothing

to hear or to say ♪

♪ With ears covered

Mouth closed

The world is opposed ♪

You or I or anybody

could have done that.

It's important.

You need to understand this.

♪ There's nothing

to hear or say ♪

[ Phone Ringing ]

Hello?

[ Breathing Heavily ]

Hello?

It's me.

Gwen?

- What happened?

- Lil--

Are you all right?

Um--

[ Clears Throat ]

[ Door Opens ]

[ Metal Jingling ]

[ Whispers ]

Gwennie?

I'm sorry.

I don't know. It--

You wanna know

how I feel, Gwen?

How I always felt around you.

Small.

You have this...

way.

You know, it's that Mom thing,

that amazing

gravitational force.

Even when she was a mess,

the world noticed her.

You have that.

And I guess... I figured...

that you always knew that.

I don't know.

When I went back home,

I started thinking,

and maybe you

don't know that...

about yourself, I mean.

I mean, who would have told you,

you know? Not me.

The only thing

I ever told you was

what a pain in the ass you were.

Well, I am

a pain in the ass.

Well--

Even a pain in the ass

needs someone...

to take care of them.

I didn't do that.

I didn't,

and I should have.

I should have helped you

with your homework.

I should have walked you home

after school.

Sometimes I'd be walking with

my friends, and I'd see you...

half a block ahead,

all alone.

You were so little.

Well, so were you.

Yeah.

Well, I never asked

for help, so--

But you needed it,

didn't you?

I mean, everybody does.

Yep.

I'm sorry I make it

so impossible to love me.

You make it impossible

for me not to love you, Gwen.

Oh.

Ninety meetings in 90 days,

and ask for help.

It's always there.

Anything else?

Just good-bye.

It's time!

♪ Jeremiah was a bullfrog ♪

Oh, my God!

♪ Was a good friend of mine ♪

♪ I never understood

a single word he said ♪

♪ But I helped him

drink his wine ♪

♪ And he always had

some mighty fine wine ♪

Take care, sweetie.

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ All the boys and girls ♪

♪ Joy to the fishes

in the deep blue sea ♪

♪ Joy to you and me ♪

♪ If I were the king

of the world ♪

♪ I'll tell you what I'd do ♪

♪ I'd throw away the cars

and the bars and the wars ♪

♪ And I'd make

sweet love to you ♪

Look, I messed up.

I got riled up,

and there isn't a lot

I can do about it right now,

except I just want

to say I'm sorry,

and, uh, you know,

people make mistakes.

If you can't handle that--

If you--

If you want to decide

that, uh, my messin' up means

I'm not worth bein' your friend,

then you're not half as smart

as you think you are.

That guy Jasper--

I don't know him,

but I do know that

he is dangerous for you.

♪ Joy to you and me

Ah, yeah ♪

♪ Joy to the world

Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ All the boys and girls ♪

♪ Joy to the fishes

in the deep blue sea ♪

♪ Joy to you and me ♪

♪ Joy to the world

Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ To all the boys and girls ♪

♪ Joy to the fishes

in the deep blue sea ♪

♪ Joy to you and me ♪

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ To all the boys and girls ♪

♪ Joy to the fishes in-- ♪

♪ [ Rock, Faint ]

Hey.

Wait. Turkey.

Meant to be symbolic

of my behavior last time

we saw each other.

I tried to track down

some roasted asshole, but--

Listen, all right?

I've been thinking about us.

Just to say, I can change,

if you want me to.

We can have a totally

different life together,

all right?

I'll buy running shoes,

and we'll take up yoga

or jogging or--

We'll be organized.

Pay our bills.

We'll floss our teeth.

We won't set fire

to the apartment anymore.

I'll buy a goldfish.

We'll be like normal people.

You hate normal people.

No, what I hate

is being without you.

Oh, come on.

You don't want to do this

on your own, do you?

We have to go. Ten people die,

but 500 people have an amazing

time chasing this cheese...

down this one and two

gradient in the middle

of the Cotswolds.

It's hilarious.

The only person who died-- died

last year-- was this old woman.

Jasper, do you ever shut up?

I'm sorry.

But it's just that

if I'm gonna do this,

if I'm gonna really--

Stay clean and sober,

as they say in the program.

Yeah, but

it's not that simple.

Everything has to be different,

just everything.

Absolutely.

And that includes us.

I'm trying to

change things in me.

[ Group Laughing ]

Look who's here.

- Hey, Marty.

- Elaine, look.

Yeah, I was hopin'

I would find you here!

My God, she's alive!

Gwennie's back in action.

Celebrate with us.

We got a monster table

in the back. It'll be fun.

Excellent idea.

We're actually in the middle

of something right now.

Come on, Gwennie.

Give us a couple of minutes.

We'll be over.

All right.

That was

really embarrassing.

Hey, Gwen. Gwen,

where are you going?

They're waiting for us.

Come on, Gwennie.

We're just going to the back

bar, have a quick soda water.

Then we'll go.

They just want to say

welcome home. Come on.

What the hell

are you doing?

I don't know.

I'm just trying to make

my outsides match my insides.

Gwen, would you leave

the horse alone?

Oh, come on.

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Sighs ]

I just need help!

Right now!

[ Nickers ]

I can control

the little things,

then I just have to let go,

and it's up

to somebody else.

[ Nickers ]

[ Laughs ]

Well, the hoof's

looking pretty good, Gwen.

Yeah. Yeah, it does,

doesn't it?

Are we fixed now?

Oh, not yet, but...

I'm gettin' there.

What else are you

going to do, check his teeth?

Mmm. Bye, Jasper.

[ Door Bell Dinging ]

[ Man ]

Sir, I can't replace the plant

just because you killed it.

I did not kill this plant.

It was sick or something.

I gave it everything.

I was talking to it,

telling it stories.

I drew a sketch of it

and put it on my refrigerator.

You water it?

I--

I have-- It's important

that I did not kill

this plant, understand?

If you're saying

that because that's how

you're making your excuse,

you have to understand--

You can't mess with--

I'm never gonna get laid.

You obviously don't care,

and that's one thing

I do is care.

I feel sorry for

all the plants in here.

I'm going home.

Oh. I killed the plant.

It's okay. It's okay.

I killed the plant.

It's okay.

You still have your dog.

I don't even think

he likes me.

I don't wanna--

I just--

What are you doing here?

It's so good to see you!

[ Man ]

I have no idea.

It looks like...

somewhere out in

the middle of nowhere.

All I see are trees--

No cell phones.

We carry our own bags here.

This isn't the Sheraton.

[ Laughs ]

Hey, Falcon.

What?

Uh, I don't mean

to bother you, but--

Oh! Sheesh!

[ Betty On P.A. ]

Don't miss tonight's lecture.

"Is God An Alcoholic?"

[ Man ]

♪ Sometimes in our lives ♪

♪ We all have pain ♪

♪ We all have sorrow ♪

♪ But if we are wise ♪

♪ We know that there's ♪

♪ Always tomorrow ♪

♪ Lean on me ♪

♪ When you're not strong ♪

♪ And I'll be your friend ♪

♪ I'll help you carry on ♪

♪ For it won't be long ♪

♪ Till I'm gonna need ♪

♪ Somebody to lean on ♪

♪ You just call on me, brother♪

♪ Call, call me, brother ♪

♪ When you need a hand ♪

♪ We all need somebody ♪

♪ To lean on ♪

♪ And I just might

have a problem ♪

♪ Might have a problem ♪

♪ That you might understand ♪

♪ But we all need somebody ♪

♪ To lean on ♪

♪ Lean on me ♪

♪ When you're not strong ♪

♪ And I'll be your friend ♪

♪ I'll help you carry on ♪

♪ For it won't be long ♪

♪ Till I'm gonna need somebody♪

♪ To lean on ♪

♪ Now, you just call on me

brother ♪

♪ Call, call me, brother ♪

♪ When you need a hand ♪

♪ We all need somebody

Yes, we do ♪

♪ To lean on ♪

♪ And I just might have

a little problem ♪

♪ Might have a problem ♪

♪ That you'd understand ♪

♪ We all need somebody ♪

♪ To lean on ♪

♪ Call me ♪

♪ That's all you've got to do

is just call me, woman ♪

♪ Come on and call me ♪

♪ I wanna hear it

just one more time ♪

♪ Won't you call me ♪

♪ A little louder this time

children ♪

♪ Call me ♪

♪ Yes, if you ever need

somebody to love ♪

♪ Come on and call me ♪

♪ If you ever need

somebody to ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ Call me

Won't you just call me ♪