Original subtitles

Gemini to ground control. Reading you loud and clear.

Liftoff smooth. Ready for checklist.

Fuel is go, 1.2 "G" cabin, 14 P.S.I.

Oxygen is go. Telemetry is go. All systems go.

Thank you. Thank you.

Control! Control!

I have a red on meteorite warning. Meteorite warning!

Meteorite.!

We are now passing through a meteorite field.

You will undoubtedly hear small meteorites peppering the outer skin of the capsule.

Small meteorites are peppering the outer skin of the capsule!

Meteorites.! Meteorites.!

Meteorite light off. Nothing to be afraid of, kids.

We are now passing over the Hawaiian Islands.

Our flight plan will carry us to the recovery area 100 miles southeast of the Bahamas.

We are starting our retrorocket countdown.

Five, four...

three, two, one.

Firing retrorockets-rockets.

We will be touching down in 20 minutes.

I have to go to the bathroom. We have just touched down.

Everybody, out. Mary first. Come on, Mary.

Bye, Mr. Spaceman. Okay, bye.

Bye, Mr. Spaceman.

He can't stand heights.

I enjoyed the ride, Mr. Spaceman.

Ned!

You got me? Gotcha. Gotcha.

Easy. Easy. Steady, now.

One more step.

Atta boy. Now, you're on the ground.

I'll be back in a minute, Ned.

Bye, and thank you, Mr. Spaceman.

Oh, anytime, honey.

Hi, Ellie. Hi, Roy. How's it goin'?

Oh, I had to cut the orbit short. A personnel problem.

I know. I helped her with her buttons. Ah, well.

How's everything in the soft drink game?

Fine. Oh, that's cold.

Cold hands, warm heart.

You, uh... You're lookin' mighty pretty today, Ellie.

Thank you, Roy.

Beauty is as beauty does.

You got that look in your eye again. What look?

That crazy basset hound look.

Well, flattery'll get you everywhere.

Oh, Roy.

Guess what, Ellie? Hmm?

A bunch of us were standin' around the corner...

in front of the drug store last night, and guess what?

- What? - Well, a lot of'em were sayin' that it's...

gettin' kinda obvious that... I got a crush on you.

Oh, Roy, would you hand me that scouring pad, please?

Sigmund Crane said I'd crawl a mile over broken glass just to get a kiss from you.

Sigmund Crane drinks too much.

Well, even so...

"I think that I shall never see...

a poem so lovely as a tree, a tree that..."

Roy, when you're trying to be romantic, you don't recite poems about trees.

Excuse me while I throw out the trash.

Scouring pad.

To each his own. Got another load, Roy.

Smart aleck.

Uh, listen, Ellie, I gotta go. Will you please go out with me tonight?

I can't really, Roy. Oh, come on, I've been askin' you for months.

Well, l... It's Saturday night. We'll make a big evening out of it.

First, we have dinner right here. Then we take a little walk through the park.

And then over to your place and watch that George Raft movie on television.

Let's go, Roy.! What do you say, Ellie? It's Saturday night.

I've gotta stay late tonight and take inventory. I'll come by here.

All right, Roy.

Until tonight, cherie.

Everything A-Okay, crew? Yes, Mr. Spaceman.

Okay, board the spacecraft. Be careful.

Roy.! Roy.! You're wanted on the telephone.

I'll be right back, Ned.

It's your mother. She sounds excited.

Hello? Hello!

Hello, Ma? Yes, well...

Right away? We're right in the middle...

Well, wha... Okay, I'll be home right away.

Bye, bye.

I'll see you later, Ellie.

I gotta get home right away. Take over, will ya, Ned? Check.

Oww, Suzie!

Oh, Royal! Oh, Royal, your father has really done it this time.

What'd he do? Roy, sit down.

You better brace yourself. What? What is it?

You remember when your father sent that application into the government?

You mean the one for me to be an astronaut?

We don't have to worry about that.

We have to worry about it now, Roy, because they have accepted you.

What? It says so right there.

It says that they have accepted you as a WB-1074.

Your father took one look at that and then he ran outdoors...

and he's telling everybody in town about it.

An astronaut?

Me? An astronaut? I can't even get up on the chair to get the marmalade.

- Oh, my poor boy. - Why is Pa always tryin' to run my life?

Well, after all, he was a corporal in World War I and you know how bossy they were.

But, Ma, that war's been over for ages.

Not to your father. He loves that war as much today as he did then.

An astronaut?

Me? An astronaut?

Oh, I should've studied up more on fear of heights and things when you were young.

I'm so tired of Pa thinkin' he's still in the army and orderin' me around.

Burt Lancaster was terribly afraid of the water...

and today, he is a movie star.

Look, Ma, I'm 35 years old!

Okay, so I do live at home. I still don't have to do everything he tells me!

Burt was the most unforgettable character that month.

Well, I'll tell you something right now, Ma! I've had it! H-A-D, had it!

And the minute he comes in that door, I'm gonna tell him, "No soap! I'm not goin'!"

Hi, Mother. Roy!

Roy! Roy! Roy.

Roy, ya made it, boy! Ya made it!

My boy, an astronaut.

Hey, the whole town knows it, Roy. Your name is on every tongue in town.

They're all sayin' it: "Buck Fleming's boy, astronaut!"

Royal has something to tell you, Arbuckle.

Oh, yeah, that's right, Pa, I do. Well, shoot.

Well, maybe you better sit down. Ah.

Go ahead, Roy. Get it off your chest.

Well, Pa... Ya know, I stopped by the paper. Gave them the whole story.

Pa, you're not listenin'. Huh?

I hate to tell you this, but most of the time when I talk to you, you don't listen.

I don't listen? Got something you wanna tell me right now? Yeah, I have!

Well, go ahead. I'm listenin' to every word.

Well, okay, now, i-it's like this.

Now, it isn't because I don't love you, because I do.

You heard that, Mother?

And that's what makes it all the harder to tell you.

Now, you see, I'm not really cut out for this astronaut thing...

because in the first place, I've always had a fear of heights...

and to tell you the truth, I don't think you've ever been aware of that.

The boy loves his father. You heard him say that?

- Yes, I did Arbuckle. - Mother, please!

Pa, I know how proud you are and I know what all this means...

Hello-oo. Plank? Plank. Plank.

Yeah, isn't that somethin'? My boy, an astronaut.

Yeah, he leaves tomorrow. Hey, why don't you come over after supper. We'll celebrate.

Right. That was Plank Woodman.

He's comin' over later. We'll have a little nip and celebrate.

Let me say what I have to say! Say away, boy.

Well...

Hello. Rush. Rush! Yeah, isn't he somethin'?

Well, he's right here now. We're havin'a real heart-to-heart talk.

Rush says, "Congrats."

Right. Why don't ya come over later?

We'll celebrate. Right. Go ahead, boy.

Now, look, Pa. I think it's time we faced the fact that I'm 35 years old...

and I have a say in my own life!

Hello! Uh... It's for you, Mother.

Mother, for pete's sake, is that all you do, talk on the phone?

Now, doggone it! I can never say what I wanna say! Now, Roy.

No, now I'm gonna say it! You're getting all keyed up. You need a nap.

No, I don't need a nap! Ten-hut!

Right face! Forward, march!

Hut, two, three, four! Column, left, march!

Pa, I'm 35 years old.

Oh, I met a girl in gay Paris Parlez vous

I met a girl in gay Paris Parlez vous

I met a girl in gay Paris Oh, what a mess she made of me

Inky, dinky parlez vous

And the soldier boys went over the top Parlez vous

The soldier boys went over the top Parlez vous

The soldier boys went over the top

They thought the captain would never say stop Inky, dinky parlez vous

The colonel got the Croix de guerre There's the boy!

Hi, Pa. Come on in and see the boys.

I got a date, Pa. Come on. Come on.

Roy! Roy!

Congratulations. A-Okay, there.

The boy's got a date. Who's the lucky dame?

Oh, EllieJackson. The hot dog girl, huh?

Say, she's quite a dish. Too bad you didn't come in for a haircut, Roy.

I've been kinda busy, Bert. We're doggone proud of you.

You should be. Roy, do us a countdown.

Huh? Do us a countdown!

Come on, Roy, just this once. Come on.

Please, Roy, just one time?

Well...

Five, four...

three, two, one.

Aw, terrific!

A toast! You do the honors, Rush. Give us one of your good ones.

To Roy Fleming: a credit to his town...

to his father, to his nation...

and now, the entire universe!

Hear, hear.

Well, l...

I guess I better be goin'.

I can't keep the little lady waitin'.

Kiss the girls and make 'em cry, boy. Love 'em and leave 'em.

Bye, don't worry. Roy! Boys.

To the next man to die.

Hi, Ellie. Roy. Oh, I forgot all about you.

My mother called and I think she's got the flu. I'm gonna have to rush home.

That's a shame. Have you heard?

Heard what? Oh, what time does the drug store close?

Oh, 7:00 or 8:00 or around there. But you mean you really haven't heard?

I can't understand that. It's all over town. What a day. What a day.

Well, see, what happened was my-my father sent in this application for me...

about a month ago... Tell me about it tomorrow. I'm in an awfully big hurry.

Well, there won't be any tomorrow. I'm sorry about the date.

Yeah, but, Ellie, you see...

Ellie, I'm gonna be an astronaut!

I'm gonna be an astronaut.

Have you got your ticket, Roy? Yeah, I got it right here.

I've never been out to the airport before. This is all new in through here.

Yeah, it seems like only yesterday this was all beets as far as the eye could see.

You got your ticket now, Roy? Yeah, I got it right there.

A-Okay, there.

Missouri Trunk Lines super deluxe twin engine flight number one...

Well, that's me. Got your ticket, Roy?

Yeah, got it right here. Roy.

Passengers all aboard, please.

Over the top. Right, Pa.

Well, good-bye, everybody.

You got your ticket? Yeah.

I don't have my ticket. Haven't got your ticket?

Oh, here... Here it is.

Oh. I was kinda hopin' it was lost.

Well, maybe you can tell the pilot not to drive too high. Well...

Bye, Ma.

Roy.

Ellie! I almost didn't make it. I just heard about it this morning.

Oh, well, I tried to tell you last night.

I realize that now, and I'm sorry, Roy. Heck, that's all right.

I mean, listen... Flight number one.

Passengers all aboard, please.

All aboard. Well, I guess I gotta go now.

l... I'm... Well, it was real swell of you to come out, Ellie.

Will you write to me? Oh, yeah, sure will. Yeah, I'll do that.

Well, bye, everybody.

Bye, Roy.

He's a real Fleming, Mother.

Give you a lift? Oh, sure. Thanks.

Hop in.

Fred Gifford. Where're ya headed? Roy Fleming. Personnel office.

I gotta go up there and check in. I've been on a bus since...

Fred Gifford! That's right.

Hey, Fred Gifford!

Boy, I saw your flight on Channel 11 last week.

They wouldn't let you stay up two more orbits, would they? Well, orders are orders.

Fred Gifford.

Boy, you were one of those guys that's been right up there into space.

And I'm sittin' right on the same seat with ya.

Mind if I touch ya?

You're gonna be working at the Space Center? Yeah.

Mind if I ask you a couple of questions? Go ahead.

Well, when you shoot off, do ya faint or black out or anything?

Oh, no, no. You take a couple of"G's", but not enough to make you faint.

Oh, it sounds awful. About how high in the sky do you drive that thing?

Anywhere from 90 to a couple hundred miles.

I bet you wouldn't look down for a million dollars. Sure, it's a beautiful sight.

Never get me to look down. I don't care how darn beautiful it is.

Reentry's what rough. Suddenly, you just start to drop there.

And you're sitting backwards, wondering if that drogue chute...

is ever gonna open and you're falling and falling and falling.

That's enough. Don't say anymore.

Makes me dizzy just to think about it.

That's the personnel office over there. Oh, well, thanks a lot.

By the way, whatcha gonna be doing? I'm gonna be an astronaut.

Yes, sir? I'd like a cup of coffee, please.

That all you're having? I'm gonna go into the astronaut training program...

and I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to eat yet.

Attention.

Will all astronauts report immediately to Building 9-G.

Oh.

Oop. Ah.

I have to go. Oh, where's Building 9-G? Down the walk out front.

Cut through the docking simulator building, then right. You can't miss it.

Oh, uh... Those are my S-H-O-R-T-S.

See, what happened was I was, uh, going down the hall there and...

I'm a new astronaut and I was looking for Building 9-G.

All new personnel report to the personnel office. The loudspeaker...

Are you new here? Very.

All new personnel report to the personnel office. The personnel office!

Thank you.

Roy Fleming to the desk, please.

Roy Fleming, please.

I'm Roy Fleming.

Donelli.

Your man Fleming, Donelli.

You'll go with Mr. Donelli. Mm-hmm.

Oh, I had a little trouble with my underwear.

I mean, the bag over in the...

Follow me! Mm-hmm.

Captain. Donelli.

Fleming!

Gee, Mr. Donelli, I don't think I'd ever be able to do anything like that.

Don't worry. You'll never have to.

This is your locker. Oh, yeah. Fleming.

Right. Here you are.

In the mornings, you sweep all locker area and boiler room.

In the afternoons, you wet down and mop.

Now, the tops of the lockers should be kept... clean at all times.

They'll be inspected by me personally daily at 1700 hours.

Now, in the morning... Excuse me, sir? Uh...

Is this all sort of like a part of a training program?

- What training program? - You know... space.

This is your space, from there to there. And I expect you to keep it clean, Fleming.

Now, then... You mean, l-l-l... I'm a janitor?

Why, of course not.

My boy, you are WB-1074, apprentice janitor.

I expect you every morning at 8:00 sharp.

Ajanitor.

I'm a janitor!

Ajanitor.

Oh, Pa.

Operator. Operator, I'd like to call Sweetwater, Missouri.

That's Sweetwater-7143.

Just a moment please.

That will be one dollar for three minutes, please.

Thank you. Hello.

Hello, Ma, it's me, Roy. I'm here and I'm not an astronaut. I'm a janitor.

This is the Sweetwater operator. Here is your party. Uh, Ma?

That you, Roy? You phonin' long distance?

Oh, hi, Pa. Yeah, listen, Pa.

We expected to hear from you earlier, if your plane got there on time.

Well, they had to put in a couple of extra rest stops on account of a lady.

How are ya, boy? Are you okay?

Everybody here's talkin' about you. They're all sayin'...

They're sayin', "Looky there, there goes Buck Fleming, father of the astronaut."

Yeah, well, listen, Pa, there's something I gotta tell you.

And I bet I know what it is too. You wanna thank me for putting in your application.

Shucks, son, that's what pa's are for: to put in applications.

Pa, will ya listen for a minute?

You're usin' up too much money on the telephone, Roy. Bye, now.

But, Pa... Over the top.

Pa!

Notice how important it is to conserve your strength, gentlemen.

Excessive breathing has resulted in clouding of the face mask...

impairing the vision.

Keep in mind that old third law of Professor Newton:

"For every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction."

A dirty floor is a bad floor.

Especially when you go to wax it.

Now, you have got to clean it first.

If you don't clean it, then, brother, what you've got is trouble.

Now, take a close look at the trouble this man is having.

This, gentlemen, is the Zlobnik.

To the best of our knowledge, it is the Russian counterpart to our...

fully automated personnel capsule, the Eclipse.

Intelligence tells us that they're getting pretty close to a launch date.

That's why we're accelerating your training schedule. Please bear with us.

Well, I don't think I've got anything else. Oh, yes, Major Gifford?

I'd like to see you and the rest of the "A" team in the training hangar for a press photo...

in five minutes. Yes, sir.

Now, this here is our new Jiffy Super 120-C.

And if you don't think it's important, remember this:

A grain of dust in the wrong place...

could wreck the entire space program.

That's all for now. Get to your stations.

- Oh, Fleming! - Oh, yes, sir?

Fleming, you've been here two weeks now...

and I don't think your mind has been on your work for one second!

Well, to tell you the truth, my heart really isn't in this.

We are not interested in your heart, Fleming. We want your elbow grease.!

Well, you see, when I came here, this isn't exactly what... Fleming.

You're a disgrace to Maintenance Engineering.

Did you get your new Jiffy? No, sir, I didn't.

Take mine. Thank you, sir.

That's the greatest little mop in the world, Fleming. Use it properly.

Yes, sir. Roy! Fleming.

I'm sorry. You're impossible!

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, l-l... I'm sorry...

I'm sorry, Major. No sweat.

I didn't see you comin'. Forget about it. What's the deal? You with maintenance?

Oh, uh, well, uh... That's kind of an involved story there.

Yeah, I can imagine. What happened? Well...

remember when I told you I was gonna be an astronaut? Yeah, yeah.

Well, you see, my father, uh...

Oh, you wouldn't wanna hear about that. No, no, go ahead.

Well, I got this letter from the Space Agency...

Say a couple of you fellas in the back move down in the front here.

And perhaps this tall man can move to the rear. And also, the front row kneel.

So, ya see, I'm livin' a lie. Everybody in Sweetwater thinks I'm an astronaut.

I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm gettin' thin.

Don't let it throw you, pappy. It'll all work out.

There he is. That's him all right.

Buck Fleming's boy. A-Okay, there.

Doggone it, Buck, you did it again!

I always give Uncle Sam the best I got. I did it in '18 and I'm doin' it now.

E Pluribus Unum.!

Say, Buck, how come Roy's holdin' a mop?

You don't think they're gonna put that kind of information in the paper, do you?

Oh, clever government.

E Pluribus Unum.! You better believe it.

A- okay, there, Roy.

Fleming to Control. Fleming to Control. How do you read me?

Loud and clear!

You realize you are smoking inside an expensive piece of equipment? Sorry, sir.

You're sorry, sir? Here's your mail. Yes, sir.

You got five minutes to read it, and then get busy. Understand? Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Hi, Roy. Oh, hi, Major.

Well, this has just gone too far.

It's just gone too far.

Oh, I gotta stop this.

Mr. Donelli, uh... Mr. Donelli, I uh...

I have to have a little time off? Time off?

You've only been here three weeks. I know that.

But, you see, uh... Well...

There's a little matter back home. See, something has, uh...

Well, it's kind of an emergency, actually.

What it is is, uh...

My father's son is in trouble.

- Your father's son? You mean your brother? - No, he's an only child.

Look, what are ya talkin' about?

The man obviously has a problem, Donelli. Why don't you let him go?

Well, if it's uh... If it's an emergency, but don't take too long.

Oh, no, no. A day or two will be plenty. Thank you, Mr. Donelli.

Thank you.

He gets very excited. Oh, you just can't get good help anymore.

Hiya, boy. Hi, Pa.

Got your wire. Couldn't wait for you to get here. Couldn't wait!

Well, I'm here. Of course you are.

Come on in. Let me look at you.

Ah, you look great.

Oh, well. Hard as nails. Brown as a berry.

Let me feel that arm.

It's a whole new arm.

Well, uh... Uh...

Listen, Pa, the reason I came home is there's something I gotta tell you.

I bet you got a million things you wanna tell me. Yeah, that's true.

But there's one thing in particular, Pa. You see, the...

Ten-hut! No, no, no, Pa.

Come on, get those shoulders back. Pa...

Suck in that gut!

Pass in review!

Surprise!

Oh, kiss your Uncle Roy.

Oh. Oh, I'll never wash her face again.

Remember me? Well, sure, Aunt Zana.

I used to change his didies.

I remember. Frieda Wilcox.

Oh, Frieda Wilcox, for heaven sakes, sixth grade.

What's the capital of Wisconsin? Uh, capital of Wisconsin?

Pingo remembers him. Look. Oh, Pingo remembers Roy.

Oh, yeah, I remember Pingo too.

Let the mother through, folks. Let the mother through. Oh, Roy!

Oh, Ma. Oh, it's so nice to have you home, son.

- Well, it's nice to be home, Ma. - My boy is home, Mother.

I see that, Arbuckle. Back off, everybody. Back off.

I wanna get a picture of Roy and Buck together. Well.

Put your arm around him, Buck. Ah.

All right, smile, smile.

Somebody say money. That'll make 'em smile.

One, two, three.

A-Okay, there. Hi, Plank. How are ya?

Is Ellie here? She'll be along soon.

I used to change his didies.

Here comes the cake.

Oh, Clara, that is just marvelous. Come on.

That's a space cake for ya.

Roy, you have to cut the first piece.

Well, all right. Hold it, Roy. I wanna get a picture.

Oh, well wait, honey. All right.

Wait. You're just a little too sweet.

All right. All right. Mother.

Everybody smile.

One, two, three.

Oh.

Cut the cake, Roy. Yeah.

Oh, Roy, wait! I forgot. We have a little surprise for you.

Your nieces, Karen...

and Lorna and Nancy and Darlene...

have made up a little song just for you.

Well, bless their hearts. All right, girls.

"The Song Of Space," dedicated to Uncle Roy.

They wrote it theirselves.

Up and down, around and around

Up and down we go

Here and there, around the air

Satellites aglow

We will flit in orbit

Spinning out in space

Roy, Roy, atta boy

You are no disgrace

That's Roy.!

They're so sweet. They're so sweet.

I used to change his didies.

Roy, you better cut the cake. Roy, before you do...

how about doin' a countdown for us?

Do a countdown for us. Everybody wants to hear it.

Come on, Tiger. Just one time.

Go on, do it, Roy.

Well.

Five, four...

three, two, one.

Oh, that was beautiful. You're the greatest.

Cut the cake. Oh, yeah.

Well... let's see.

Right down the center.

Pingo wants to see the cake. Let Pingo see the cake.

My cake!

Look at Pingo! Look at him.

He loves cake.

Ooh! How dare you!

Come with Mama. We'll get away.

Hey. Uh, cake, anyone?

I think I'll just have some coffee.

He only tasted one piece of it!

Oh, I hate Pekingese!

You never know what they're thinking.

I guess you have a lot of technical equipment up there, right, Roy?

Technical equipment. You wanna talk about technical equipment, huh?

Well, I'll tell you about your technical equipment.

That place is just full of great big things. Oh.

What about them stimulators? Oh, Plank.

Not stimulators. That's simulators.

Yeah, that's it. What about them?

Well, you wanna know about simulators.

Well, I guess you all heard a lot about simulators...

but I'm gonna tell you something about 'em you never heard before.

They gotta be dusted everyday and wet-mopped once a week underneath.

Uh, if this is secret stuff, you don't have to...

No, no, that's okay, Pa. It's okay. Rush?

Roy, you read a lot about them centrifuges.

What are they like exactly, technically speaking?

Technically speaking...

Well, I guess, technically speaking...

you'd say that that's where us guys go to get our "G's."

Oh.

"G's?" Uh, slip of the lip will sink a ship.

Uh, I better not go too far into that, Plank. But I will tell you this.

That thing goes so fast that all the paint starts to peel.

And that paint has to be scraped and sanded down.

The whole thing has to be waxed.

That's your centrifuge.

During your reentry, when do you open your drogue parachute?

Uh, the usual time. Uh, next question?

- When is that? - Uh, when it's time. Bert?

Specifically when?

When I darn well please, that's when! Bert?

Uh...

what do they get for a haircut at the center, Roy?

Well, I wouldn't know about that, Bert.

Nobody touches this head but you.

Phoney!

I've got a question.

Why don't we all dance? Ellie.

Oh, that's a fine idea.

Uh, excuse me. Arbuckle, why don't you put something on the phonograph.

You sure got a way with words, Roy.

Well it's all just a matter of knowing your subject.

Hi, Ellie. Hello, Roy.

Boy, I sure am glad you came. I wouldn't have missed this for anything.

You look good, Ellie. Three weeks sure hasn't hurt you none.

Well, you look like they've been treating you well.

I've been wearing suede shoes and eatin' chow mein every night.

Say, it's gettin' kinda hot in here.

Why don't we step outside and get a breath of fresh air, huh?

I haven't really had a chance to say hello to anybody yet. You'll have time for that later.

Come on. All right.

Aren't you proud of him, Buck? I sure am.

You know what we ought do? We oughta go down to that space place someday and visit Roy.

Hey, that's a good idea. We'll do that! The three of us.

Yeah.

Tell me all about what you've been doing.

I'm kinda all talked out on that. I bet it's exciting.

Well, yeah, it's-it's exciting.

You know, Roy, the whole town is really very proud of you.

Well.

You too? Especially me.

Really? Mm-hmm.

I'm really very proud of you, Roy.

Uh, Ellie? Hmm?

You know, I-I never told this to anybody before.

I guess it's because I never been away before...

but while I was away, I missed you more than I've ever missed anybody.

You're very sweet, Roy.

Oh, a tire swing!

Well, can we both fit in there?

Gimme a push, Roy. Well, all right.

There you go.

"I think that I shall never see a poem so lovely as a tree."

Oh, Roy, you're delightful. Get behind me and give me a great big push.

I'm delightful?

Whee-ee! Roy?

Roy?

Roy?

I'm sorry, Roy, but I don't like to be taken by surprise. I don't wanna talk about it!

Oh, wait a minute, Roy. I think my father was calling me.

Now, wait a minute, please. Come over here and sit down.

Now, take the handkerchief away and let me see it. Uh-uh.

Come on. No.

Now, let Ellie kiss the hurt.

There ya are, boy.

I've been waitin' up for ya.

You're a real Fleming, boy.

Kiss the girls and make 'em cry.

Well.

Come on, Roy. We'll have a little schnapps together before we go to bed.

Some party, eh? Yeah.

Well, this made us wiser than the Kaiser.

Hey, Roy. You had something you were gonna tell me when you first came in. What was it?

Hmm? Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, I did. - Shoot.

Well, Pa, it's like this.

Now, the thing is that I don't want you to feel bad or anything...

and I know what this whole thing means to you, but the actual, factual matter is...

that the...

Well, I'm gonna quit the astronaut program.

You're gonna quit?

Did these old ears of mine hear Buck Fleming's boy say he's gonna quit?

Now, Pa, I know all about your war record and I'm darn proud of it; have been for years.

But you see... Now, me, I'm not cut out for it.

But, Roy... you can't quit, boy.

- Why not, Pa? - Well...

I'm gonna tell you somethin' about myself that you never heard before.

Sit down.

Your old man is a fake. What do you mean?

It's my war record. Yeah, I'm darn proud of it.

Well, don't be.

You know what I really did during the Great War?

I was a librarian at Fort Dix.

I didn't even leave the country.

Librarian?

At Fort Dix?

What about your pension? Your wound?

The Encyclopedia Britannica fell on me.

"B" to "D".

You mean to tell me that all this time... That's right.

Well...

Oh, Pa.

So you see, I've been countin' on you, Roy.

Oh, Pa!

Please, Roy! But th... But th...

D-Don't you worry, Pa.

Ah, I'll, uh...

I'll work it all out somehow.

Eh... D-Don't you worry.

Good night, Pa.

I've never been out to the airfield before. You were here three weeks ago!

I mean, outside of that.

Royal, I hear you and Ellie spent a lot of time in the garden last night.

Yeah, that's right, Ma, we did.

Have you got anything to tell me? No, we're just good friends.

...past Altoona and connections forward.

Well, looks like we're leavin' kinda early today.

Now boarding at gate number one. Passengers, all aboard please.

Roy! I got off work early.

Oh, that's wonderful. Gee, I-I didn't think you were gonna be here.

Oh, what's that?

She was my favorite when I was a little girl. Do me a favor. Take her into space with you.

Oh, uh, why, sure, sure.

Now boarding at gate number one. Passengers, all aboard, please.

Well, guess it's time to go.

Ma... bye.

Bye, son. Plank.

Good luck, Roy. Rush. Bye, Roy.

I can't find no words, son.

It's okay, Pa.

Bye, Ellie.

We're just good friends, Ma.

Houston.

Running away from home?

Mama.

Now this here is the monitor control center. But that's none of your business.

You just get busy and wax the floor. Yes, sir.

You know, you've been back a week and haven't caught up on your work yet. Well, l...

I'll plug it in for you. Oh.

Oh, thank you, sir. Well, I'm not completely rotten, you know.

I'll be back in an hour to see how you're getting along. Yes, sir.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

Are you getting Sweetwater? What water?

Sweetwater. Sweetwater, Missouri.

No, that's right outside the building. The place is full of tourists.

Right outside the building?

Oh, the tourists won't bother you. They're just...

I've never been on the indoors of a space airfield before.

Well, you have now. You're tellin' me.

This is the place, all right. But I sure don't see no Roy.

Maybe he's up in space.

Ah, they'd have sent Buck a postcard or something.

Yeah.

"Representation of lunar surface."

This here is what your moon looks like. Ohh.

Take a picture of me standin' on the moon. That ain't really the moon.

- We don't have to tell anybody. - Oh, yeah.

Ready? One...

two, three.

Oh! Oh!

Uh-oh! I better get down off the moon.

Howdy, sir. I'm looking for my son, Roy Fleming.

He's one of your own kind. Pa, what in the world are you doin' here?

Roy! Hey, Roy's inside there!

Well, doggone!

Ain't that a sight!

We thought we'd come down and surprise ya. Well, you sure did!

Course, I am kinda busy, you know. A-Okay there, boy.

Roy, I'm so doggone proud of you I can't stand it!

Well... Uh, how come somebody else's name is on there?

Ain't that your suit?

Uh, no... mine's at the cleaner's. Oh.

Neatness counts, you know.

Boy, they sure don't want you to lose that silver satchel, do they, Roy?

This is your air conditioner. Air conditioner?

Yeah, you can control your own air. That's your switch there.

Wow!

You don't want your blood boilin' when you're doin' space stuff.

The things they have to know.

Yeah.

Roy, would you give us the grand tour?

Well... all right.

Now, this, of course, is your, uh, your training area in here.

Now, this here is a... capsule...

and this here is a, uh, your rocket.

Now, this,

this here is your, your rail.

I don't know if you've noticed, but there's no smoking in this area at all.

This floor used to be covered with cigarette butts.

What do you think of this floor, by the way? Sure is shiny.

This is your floor. Got a nice shine to it.

This place is just full of gadgets. This is where the astronauts...

get their... Pa?

Huh?

Pa! Turn off the switch! Turn the air-conditioning switch.

Aa-Aa-Aah.!

Turn the air-conditioning! Turn the switch! What?

Huh? The air-conditioning switch! Turn it off!

Find it! Find it! Is there a switch there?

Where's the switch, Roy? Are you all right?

It's cold! It's snow! Gotta get you out of this thing.

Here, here!

Is that the switch, now, Roy? Snow! Ooh, it's cold!

You warm enough yet, son? Ah, don't worry about me, Pa.

This body is a finely-tuned space instrument.

I hope they don't get mad about that hole in your suit there.

I'll sew it up. Good.

Now, son, what is this here that we're standing in front of?

Uh, this here is your, uh, low-pressure chamber.

It's an environment simulator. You want to conduct this tour?

Heck, no... You think you know more about it than I do?

I didn't say that. Then tick-a-lock. Okay?

But it says right there, "Environment Simulator".

Well, look! Do you think that...

in a highly-classified place like this you can believe everything you read?

Oh! Oh-ho-ho! I'm sorry!

Yeah.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah.

We're now standing in front of the "environment simulator"...

and this is a very highly-secret...

classified piece of equipment.

Why don't you get inside and let me get a picture? Oh. All right.

Close the hatch, Roy.

Look out, now. You all set?

All set.!

One... two... three!

Hey, how come it worked?

I don't know. I touched the same button and all. Pa?

Pa.! What?

It's me, Pa.

You wanna just try and get that hatch open?

What's the matter? Can't you get out?

Of course I can get out. Just open the hatch. Which one, Roy?

Any one.! Just open the hatch.!

You stuck in there? Yeah, I'm stuck in here.! Open the hatch.!

What're you doin'out there? Get me outta here.!

Uh, Roy, there doesn't seem to be any knob on this thing.

Now, is there something in there that you could push out?

Roy! Roy, you all right?

Stand back!

You tore the guy's suit! The guy's suit is all...

Okay! All right! Now...

Now, the next thing I'd like to demonstrate...

Roy, are you gonna get in trouble for wreckin' this thing?

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Just follow me.

Hey, there's Gifford. Yeah.

Major. Howdy, boys.

Hey, look at that! Hey!

Boy, I hope it's one of ours. Heh-heh-heh!

Now, this little baby is really somethin' to see.

This here is your high-speed rocket sled. I'll bet she goes like 60.

Sixty? Plank.

This little sweetheart'll take ya up to 1100 miles per.

That's one-one-double zero, fella!

Get in it, Roy. Let's see how ya look. Oh, well, I, uh...

Go on, Roy, get in. Go on, Roy, get it.

Well, all right. I'll just get in here and show you how she looks.

Roy, put on your helmet. I wanna get a picture. Uh, oh, all right.

Be careful. She might take off with ya. You don't have to worry, Pa.

See here? "Rockets will not fire unless, 1:

master switch 'A' is turned on."

Let's see, it'd be this right here.

track-release ratchets are activated by pulling lever 'B"'.

Lever "B"'d be that.

And "3: ignition button cover is removed." There ya are.

And "4, ignition button is depressed."

See there?

When you got this much power in a thing...

you gotta be careful to arrange everything so just not anybody...

Whoa, boy!

I think I can tell you what went wrong there! That was wonderful, Roy!

You see, the thing is, I didn't mean to... Just great! A real treat!

- Mr. Donelli! - Fleming!

Who is this guy? I'm ashamed to say, one of my apprentice janitors.

Janitor? That's right. The worst 1074 we've ever had.!

Fleming, pick up your check in the morning. You are fired!

Well... I'll see you at the front gate.

I recall I left my hat at the training center.

Got my hat.

Uh-huh.

Well, I suppose I'll be home by supper, the way Plank drives.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Be home 'bout supper.

The way Plank drives.

Yeah.

Well, I'll be seeing ya.

Pa?

You shoulda told me, boy.

I'm sorry.

Guess you'll be along tomorrow after you get your pay?

I'll see ya.

Pa?

Ten-hut.

No, son.

We're just a couple of losers.

Four, three, two, one...

ignition, blastoff!

Come on, let's go. Come on, now, let's go.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three...

two, one, ignition, blastoff!

Here we go.! Ten, nine, eight, seven...

six, five, four, three...

two, one, ignition, blastoff!

Go get 'im, boy! Go get 'im, Charlie!

Atta boy!

Hey, come on! Take a turn, slim! Come on in!

Come on! Get on the pad, boy! Get in there!

Here you go. Have a drink! Here we go. Come on.

Ten, nine, eight, seven...

six, five, four, three...

two, one, ignition, blastoff!

Come on there, slim! Atta boy, slim! Go, go, go, go!

Put it right down there, slim! Go, go, go, go!

Sorry to keep you waiting, gentlemen. Dr. Bowen.

Cervantes. Your permission, sir.

Let's get at it. Anything further from intelligence? Not since that last report.

Can I have your attention, please, gentlemen?

As you know, the projected launch date for the Eclipse...

was to be in the middle ofJuly.

Major Gifford here was going to man the capsule.

However, the Russians have thrown us a curve.

Oh, thank you.

Here it is.

In exactly 48 hours, 1500 Greenwich time...

the Russians plan to launch their fully-automated capsule.

That's bad enough, but on top of beating us to the punch...

In order to fully demonstrate the reliability of their automation...

their capsule will be solely occupied by an individual who...

now get this... is neither an aviator nor an astronaut.

This is ridiculous! They are in fact, gentlemen, sending up a dentist!

They must be kidding! A man with no experience in space technology whatsoever.

I don't get it. It's very simple.

They're going to show the world that their automated capsule...

is so foolproof, they can send anybody up in it.

- Scotty, what's the story on Eclipse? - We've got a vehicle ready.

We can mount Eclipse on it and be ready for launch in 36 hours.

- Bob, how 'bout weather? - C.A.V.U. will hold, all down the range.

That would give us a 12-hour jump on the Russians.

Now our most pressing problem is finding the man to take this ride:

The least qualified individual you can possibly think of.

In other words, the last man on earth that you would send into space.

Sir, I have a suggestion.

Ten, nine, eight, seven...

six, five, four, three...

two, one, ignition, blastoff!

Wonderful, Roy!

You mean you fired him?

That's right. He was always... Where'd he go?

I don't know. I saw him leaving the center about two hours ago.

Come on, Charlie.

One more time! Ten, nine, one, 'nition, 'lastoff!

Atta boy!

Go, go, go, go!

Well, let's try down on "B" Street.

Oh, no. He's not the type to hang out in bars.

The way he's feeling, he's liable to hang out anywhere.

Do you live with your folks?

Oh, come on!

Hey, nice goin', slim! Hey, you're welcome!

Hey, bartender, another beer!

Would you like another little drinkie? No, thank you.

I have had an elegant sufficiency.

You're a high school grad, aren't ya?

Of course!

Do you happen to know with whom you happen to be with?

Whom?

Exactly.

Watch out for that, slim! Right, right.

Hey, bartender, where's that beer?

Do you know what I did today...

that just happens to be highly-secret...

classified information?

No.

I soloed, by myself...

a rocket sled at 11,000 miles an hour.

What do you think about that?

Hey, bartender! S'that other beer?

- Hold out your hand this time. - A-Okay, there!

Fire one!

Uumph! Uuh! Aah, Maj!

Oh, Maj, listen, I'm really sorry about today.

I'm gonna buy you all a new sled.

In fact, you tell Mr. Cervantes I'm pretty sure my car insurance will cover all that.

Roy, forget about the sled. No kidding, I'm really sorry!

Now, listen, snap out of it. Uh... Yeah...

Come on, now. I've got something very important to tell you. Yeah?

Like what? What could be worse? My own father doesn't love me anymore!

Listen, there's a good chance for you to go up in space. What're you talking about?

That's right. They want to send you up in the Eclipse.

Me? How come me? We'll explain it to you later.

Will you do it, Roy? Come on, Roy, what do you say?

Will you go into orbit?

You put her on the pad, boys. I'll take her up.

G'nother beer, bartender!

All you have to do, Fleming, is go for the ride. You'll have no duties to perform.

Repeat this number: 41, 36... 41.

Ever had fits of depression? You're not listening. 36.

You get finished here, I'll fly you to the launch area.

You'll be able to communicate with us, but don't touch anything.

Ever contemplated suicide? I won't touch anything.

Ears look all right. He hasn't answered me.

My ears look all right. Well, how about it, is he all right?

As far as I can see... I would say that...

Good. I want you to know that you're doing this...

of your own free will, understood? 36.

That's good enough for me! Come on!

Everything all right back there, Roy?

Roy? Roy?

Cape Kennedy.

Cervantes or Fleming arrive yet?

Cervantes arrived five minutes ago, but Fleming isn't with him. He's not with Cervantes?

- We'd better scratch. - T-minus 14 minutes and counting.

I thought for sure he'd be with Cervantes.

Holy Toledo!

Oh, no. No, not me.

They're not gettin' me up in that.

Quit? Did these ears hear Buck Fleming's boy say he's gonna quit?

You see... Me, now, I'm not cut out for it.

The whole town's talkin'.

They say, "There goes Buck Fleming, father of the astronaut. "

A toast, Rush.

Roy Fleming: a credit to his town, father, nation...

and now, the entire universe.

Over the top, boy. Ten-hut.! About face.!

Hut, two, three, four.! Hut, two, three, four.!

Hut, two, three, four.!

T-minus eight and counting. Still green, still green.

Is he ready? He's on his way to the gantry.

Now, look. You just take the ride. Let us handle it.

Good luck, Fleming.

Uh, about how high up are we now?

'Bout 15 stories.

You guys wanna hear something funny? I can't stand heights.

And you wanna know why?

Well, when I was little, my cousin Elwood and me...

we climbed up in this big apple tree, you know, to steal apples.

Well, it was a real tall tree. Taller than my father's room. You could see all over.

Well, we got up there and the wind began to blow...

and that tree began to shake and sway.

I really was scared I was gonna fall.

So, ever since that time, I've been afraid of heights and that's why I don't wanna go.

I said I don't wanna go! I don't wanna go, guys!

T- minus one minute. Clear the launch area.

Guys, I don't wanna go!

T- minus 50 seconds. Still counting.

Waah! Hey! Uh! Aah!

T- minus 30 seconds. Green condition, all go.

Not yet! I'm not in!

Hey, aah! Aa-Aa-Aah!

Fifteen, fourteen, thirteen...

twelve, eleven, ten...

nine, eight, seven, Hold on. Hold on! Oh!

six, five, four...

three, two, one,

zero, ignition.

All systems are go.

Looks good. How's Fleming, Dr. Lowe?

Heart rate, high; blood pressure, high; temperature, high; respiration, erratic.

Take it easy, Roy, take it easy.

Good liftoff, real good.

Thank you.

- All lights green. - Tracking radar, go.

- Ground telemetry, go. - Communications, go.

Booster engine cutting off. Stand by for staging.

First stage separating.

Uhh!

Hello! Hello down there! She broke!

She broke! I felt a big hunk fall off!

Take it easy, Roy. Take it easy. Your first stage separated.

Nothing to worry about. Everything's going real good.

You'll be coming into range of the Bermuda Tracking Station now.

Gee, I've always wanted to go to Bermuda.

Uh, heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, approaching normal.

Uh, about how high up am I now?

Altitude: approximately 90 miles.

Rapid increase in pulse rate, blood pressure and respiration.

Coming up on second stage. Roy.

In 15 seconds your second stage is going to fall off. Now, nothing is broken.

It's all right.

Second stage gone. No sweat, chickie.

Atta boy, Roy. Atta boy.

Say, uh, Fred? Uh, there's something I forgot to ask you.

Eh, it's kind of important right now. How do you...

Oh, yes. Well, the procedure on that...

What you do is...

You're kidding!

We interrupt the showing of Doughboys in Action with a news bulletin.

Doggone interruptions, interruptions!

The war'll be back in just a minute, Arbuckle.

The United States has scored a beat on the Russians...

by putting the first untrained layman in space.

Ajanitor named Royal Fleming from Sweetwater, Missouri...

has been launched in the Eclipse 1, the space agency's first fully-automated capsule.

Stay tuned for more details. Mother, did you hear that? They launched our son!

Mother! Wake up, Mother!

Wake up! They, they...

Doggone, I wonder if the boys are watchin'?

Mother, Mother, they... Oh, Arbuckle, l...

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Eclipse control has confirmed...

that after five minutes and 30 seconds into mission...

Roy Fleming, the courageous janitor, is in orbit.

Hey! Hello?

I'm loose!

I'm floating! Get me down! Hello!

You should be strapped in your seat, Roy. Get back in there.

Hey, you guys! Help!

How're you doing, Roy?

Hey-ey-ey! Aah!

Roy, are you all right?

Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys!

Showing a 360-degree-per-second roll.

Hey! What's going... Wha...

Hey, stop this thing! It's turning!

Roy, don't touch those controls. Let go of that handle.

Roy.! Let go of that handle.!

Okay.

Uhh...

Roy, you all right? Come in, please.

Come in, Roy, come in.

Come in, Roy, come in.

Mama.

What was that? Mama.

Roy, are you all right?

He might be suffering from hallucinatory regression as a result of cosmic bombardment...

or it's possible he's inhaled some helium and it's affected his vocal chords...

or... Or what?

He's had a baby.

Fleming's orbit is going very well.

Within minutes, Eclipse will be picked up...

by the Grand Canary Island Tracking Station, the next monitoring base in the network.

That doggone kid! Now it's all clear to me.

He had to lie to me. It was a government secret.

Buck Fleming's boy in space! A-Okay there!

Hello? Hello? Hey, you guys, I got in the chair all right.

He seems to have settled down some.

Good, good. Let's try the eating experiments.

Okay. Roy, we'd like to conduct some eating experiments. How would you like some crackers?

Uh, no thanks, I had an apple on the bus.

Have some crackers anyway. Reach down on the left side of your command seat.

You'll find a plastic packet.

Have you got it? A-Okay on the crackers.

Fred, is there any peanut butter?

You'll find a plastic tube in the food cabinet below your left elbow.

At last report, astro-janitor Fleming is enjoying a hearty meal...

while orbiting the earth at 17,000 miles an hour.

Chew each bite 28 times, dear.

I'm getting a red on the flight programming computer.

No! Check that again.

No, still getting a red.

Control to Eclipse. Roy, we're getting a minor malfunction...

on your flight programming computer tape.

Will you check it, please? It's above your head to the right.

We're full of it here. It's a mess.

Roy...

can you very carefully put that tape back on those reels?

Well, I'll try.

Is it all right if I don't finish the crackers?

It has been confirmed the Eclipse is in trouble.

The difficulty lies in the programming computer, which is similar to a tape recorder.

This tape carries the impulses which tell the Eclipse what to do and when to do it.

In other words, the mechanical brain of the capsule.

Without it, astro-janitor Roy Fleming may be doomed to stay forever in orbit.

How are you doing, Roy? Got that tape back on the reels? I'm workin' on it.

If anything happens to that boy, I'll never forgive myself.

This emergency is being handled with great courage by Fleming.

This young man, never before in space...

is calmly rewinding the computer tape by hand. Buck Fleming's boy.

No.

Roy Fleming.

How you doing, Roy?

Don't worry about it, Fred. I got it all back on. It's fine.

Roy, we still have a red on the computer here.

Well, I do have some crackers and peanut butter mixed in with it. Is that important?

Hello?

Roy? Standing by.

Without that, you won't be coming down again.

You're kidding.

Pulse rate, blood pressure and respiratory: emergency readings!

We should've used a monkey or a dog or something.

Roy.

What? You should be over our tracking station on Canton Island.

Look out the window. Oh, no, I'm not gonna look out the window!

Look out the window. That's an order!

Well... all right.

I'm looking out.

Uh, hey.

Holy smoke!

How're you doing, Roy?

Now listen to me. In a few seconds, you should be over Kauai in the Hawaiian Islands.

When you see that...

He's gone dead. We're transmitting. He's not getting through.

Roy? Roy, come in, Roy. That poor devil.

The trouble's in the Eclipse. There's no malfunction here.

Fred! Fred, talk to me!

I-I read you, Roy. Can you read me?

Fred! Mr. Cervantes!

Anybody at that end!

Listen, you guys, I just saw Hawaii. What was I supposed to...

Hawaii.

Hawaii!

We are now passing over the Hawaiian Islands.

Our flight plan will carry us to the recovery area 100 miles southeast of the Bahamas.

Starting our retro-rocket countdown.

Five, four, three, two, one.

He's bringing her down!

See anything, Al? No.

I don't understand it. He should be splashing down.

Radar says he's definitely in this area.

Fleming! Captain Ferguson. Welcome aboard.

Thank you! What'd you think of my little joke there?

Well done, Fleming. You deserve a great deal of credit.

Well, it's all a matter of keeping a clear head...

and solving your problems one by one as they come up.

That's about all there is to it. Follow me below.

The doctors are waiting to give you a medical debriefing.

Well, I'm sure they'll find me in shipshape, skipper.

And as soon as they're finished, a jet fighter will have you ashore in 15 minutes.

Jet fighter?

Uh, how long does the ship take?

I'm proud of you, Roy! Be happy, son!

I'm proud! Good-bye.

Good luck! Bye-bye, Papa.

Good-bye, darlin'. Be happy.

Bye. All right, be happy now.

I hope she has a good time.