Original subtitles

You sure, this is the one you want?

The box?

We can get her into something nice, you know.

We have ceramic urns, porcelain, silver...

Nah. She's good.

As you wish.

My condolences.

Thanks.

See you later.

Hope not.

Is some part of you still lingering about us?

Or have you moved onto what's next?

- Were you dancing? - No

- No? - Mm-mm.

Do you want them?

Oh, they closed up years ago.

I have to tell you something.

What?

- I was dancing - No!

I just didn't want you to think I don't care.

I know. I know.

Cause I do.

I know.

You're such a bad liar.

Do you want to say something?

Um... sure.

Thank you for giving me life...

and the house.

I can't believe they make these things

out of plastic.

What, she's fish food,

this thing's going to last forever.

Oh my god, is this it?

This is beautiful.

Let's get this shit over with.

Hey,

do you see the resemblance?

Anya.

Is that her?

Uh, yeah sure. I mean I guess.

I don't know.

Ooh!

How can a person have so much shit?

Emmett!

It's not shit.

It's her life.

What are you doing?

Come on. You don't even wear makeup.

What, are you gonna keep it?

I just had no idea this place was so magical.

We could do anything, like...

we could start a writer's retreat,

or I don't know, if we come up on weekends, or start a camp.

- No. What are you, nuts? - I was just thinking out loud.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

She never reached out to you, not even once?

Why do you think she left you her home?

Babe.

Babe.

Do you know what that sound is?

Mm-mm.

I don't know what that sound is...

I think it means you're in your fertility window.

- Mm... - Yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty sure...

- Technically, yes. - No, no, it's not technically.

That is science. That is proven...

There's an app for that. There's an app for that.

I don't wanna do it on your mother's bed.

Why? Come on, we can... We can-- We can do it.

I mean, it'll just be a little weird.

- Fun weird? - It could be fun weird.

There's only one way to know if something's fun weird.

No. It's now fun weird. It's real weird.

No. It's what?

Did you hear that?

There's nothing here.

Is that where she...?

I got it. I got it.

It's nothing.

What? What?

Baby, you shouldn't be doing that. Babe.

No, it's fine.

It's fine. Really, it's not a big deal.

I think you got it.

Mm-mm.

You're not funny.

Look at that.

That's in good shape.

That just needs a little bit of love.

Oh!

Don't. Is it bleeding?

Shit.

Don't do that. Stand up straight.

Come on, smile. Smile.

Do you love your mommy? Do you love your mommy?

What are you doing?

Sweetheart, stop that.

Stop it.

It's my birthday, Mommy...

It's when you were just a baby.

Don't! Emmett.

Let me just... Oh my god.

We're going to get that cut.

Smile!

If you're not going to talk to me,

we need to do chair reversal.

No, the realtor's coming in two days.

I don't care about selling this house!

We need to do chair reversal.

No.

No, no, fuck that. No, I'm not doing that.

Emmett,

will you please tell me your problem?

I'm avoidant.

Emmett,

will you please tell me your problem?

I'm Emmett.

And my problem is, is that...

I have a really deep well of trauma

because my mother abandoned me at a really critical age,

and now she's passed away,

and I'm doing everything I can not to deal with it.

So if you're already going to therapy

because I insisted and you're saying that it's helping,

and you've had a really good attitude about it,

even though our insurance doesn't cover it.

Why do you think I feel the need

to keep pushing you?

I think unconsciously that, um...

I'm trying to make up for a childhood I never had

by having a child of my own.

I can't do that.

I can't do that because

I shouldn't want a family to fix a problem

that I refuse to deal with.

Fuck this.

Emmett!

Emmett.

So you don't want to have a baby with me?

You know how badly I want a family.

That's not what I'm saying.

I need you to let go and open up.

Have you ever thought that maybe

a little repression is a good thing?

Come on.

Come on.

They'll still be there when you get back.

Come on.

Isn't this is about trust? Come on.

- I'm not repressing anything. - No?

Mm-mm.

Then how come you never learned how to swim?

You'd have to ask my mother.

Come on.

- You alright? - Yeah.

- You alright? - Mm-hmm.

OK.

Hey, you're OK.

- Hey, I got you. - OK.

I got you. OK?

I got you. You can trust me.

When we got here, I didn't...

I didn't recognize the house.

I didn't recognize the kitchen. I didn't recognize the table.

When I went to the bathroom, I saw this...

this syringe.

So I ran upstairs to my room.

Are you listening?

Hmm.

I ran upstairs to my room.

And it doesn't look the same, you know?

But I started to remember,

I started to remember things like my bed,

you know, with the sports sheets.

I remembered the John Starks poster

I had hung up on the wall.

This is me opening up.

You have to try this.

OK...

OK.

OK. OK. OK.

OK.

I dreamed a dream...

Hey, careful.

Careful, careful.

Hey, be careful.

All right.

All right. Stop.

Stop.

Hey, goddamn you.

Hey.

You alright?

I need to be in water.

Come here.

You're gonna let go.

Babe?

Anya.

Have you repressed your pain?

Anya, I really don't want to do this.

Are you angry?

No.

- Are you angry with your girlfriend? - No.

- Do you hate your girlfriend? - No, of course not.

Do you hate your mother?

No.

Do you miss your mother?

No.

Do you miss your mother?

No.

Do you ever wonder why she abandoned you?

- No. - Do you ever wonder why?

No.

Why do you want to have a child?

Because I love you.

Why do you want to have a child?

What do you what do you want? Fucking human nature?

Anya, I don't know.

- Because your mother abandoned you - No.

Do you ever wonder why she abandoned you?

No.

- Why? - I don't give a shit.

Do you want to know why she abandoned you?

I want to stop playing this game.

Do you want to know why I abandoned you?

I don't like this.

- You blame yourself. - Stop it.

- Do you want to know why I abandoned you? - I said fucking stop it, Anya!

What the fuck?

Anya!

Anya!

Oh, shit, babe.

Babe. Babe. Babe.

Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to hurt you.

- Did I hurt you? - No.

Do you love your mommy?

What are you doing?

There he is.

There he is.

Oh, look at you, what's happening here?

Come on, come on. Chin up.

Emmett.

I'm gonna go drop some stuff off

at a thrift store.

Then I'm gonna go pick up like a bagel or something

on the way back, I'm starving.

Do you want anything?

I'm sorry things got heated last night.

Fuck, Anya.

Hey, Anya, baby, I need those keys.

Realtor is coming tomorrow, we've barely done anything,

I need the keys, Anya.

Anya!

Yes?

It's... it's Bill.

From up the street.

OK. Can I help you with something?

I was driving to town

and I saw the car parked here, and I thought,

somebody is breaking in, maybe.

No, that's, that's my car, my house.

I'm sorry.

No, it's OK.

Oh hey, if you need anything,

um, you know, it's the yellow house,

top of the hill.

You can't miss it.

So your foot healed fine, huh?

My foot?

Yeah. I never worry about working out.

Never have.

I've got the farm to keep me busy.

I sleep good. I can tell you that.

Yeah, no, I work.

You know, I'm on my feet all day, too.

If I don't go for a run in the morning,

I lose my shit.

Wonder who you got that from?

You probably don't want to talk about your mom.

It's fine.

My fiancee says I need to be more open about these things.

She says I'm avoidant.

"Maladaptive coping" she calls it.

"Maladaptive." Whatever the hell that is.

You know, look, I got nothing to hide.

I'm really grateful to Tracy for leaving us the house.

Whatever we can get for it is going to be huge.

You're just going to flip it?

Yeah.

You know, Anya and me, we're trying to start a family.

So...

Is that her?

She got you on that short leash?

No, no, that's...

It's our ovulation app.

Keep that thing away from your junk,

I'll tell you that.

I'm probably twice as fertile as you are.

No offense, I don't carry one around.

Some day it's going to come out

just how much radiation the GPS app

in that thing gives off.

It'll fry your nuts.

I mean really, they'll drop the fuck off.

You're sure you're OK to get back?

Yeah. I got the GPS.

- I told you. - Yeah. Yeah.

- It'll fry your nuts. - Yeah, right.

I appreciate it, though. Thanks.

OK.

Hey, Tracy, knitted those.

Are you going to give those away?

- You want them? - Oh, thanks, yeah. Yeah.

Great.

- Thanks again - You bet.

Hey, is something burning?

Anya.

What are you doing?

Anya, are you smoking?

Babe, wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait...

Stop. Stop. Why are you smoking?

- Emmett, enough. - Stop. Why are you smoking?

Will you get out of my way? It is going to burn.

Anya. What is happening?

Jesus, Emmett!

Do you not like pizza anymore?

The fuck are we doing?

Hmm. You have terrible posture.

Come here.

Stop.

Hey, I'm sorry I got mad.

I want us to have a nice time together.

I'm so happy you've come home, my little wild-thing.

What?

Wait.

Your plate.

Do you need something?

You made your point, OK?

It's weird that I don't remember.

You don't remember who?

Me?

Wait, wait, wait.

- Anya! - Look at me.

What do you mean?

Of course you remember me.

If I really meant nothing to you,

you wouldn't be so reactive.

You need to work on your anger.

It isn't healthy.

Alright.

I know I need to work on myself.

You're right.

And I'm trying.

I'm trying.

And I will do whatever I need to do

to be the partner that you deserve.

Alright?

What the hell.

Raj, what's up, man?

Uh, I'm alright. How are you?

You good? Good? Good?

Yeah, um...

You ever trip with somebody

and they, they start acting like another person?

What about like, all the way into the next day?

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

- Goodnight, Emmett.

Yoo-hoo.

Good morning, Emmy.

Since when do you know how to fry an egg?

Do you prefer them scrambled?

No, thank you.

I crave his forgiveness.

Deep and primal.

And yet his return is stenched with this dread of burden.

He's as needy as ever.

I thought I could be what I never was.

As if I'm not who I am.

Why was my heart cursed to be his forever?

Emmett, knock!

"Why was my heart cursed to be his forever?"

How dare you read that?

Give it to me.

What are you doing?

Going into town to pick up a rotisserie chicken.

Since you find my cooking so offensive.

Well you look like you're going to the opera.

In this town?

When pigs fly out of my ass.

Give me my journal.

Now.

Hmm. Stop staring.

Get out.

Emmett.

Is now a bad time?

No, oh.

Um, no, no, no, sorry, sorry. Now's perfect.

Such a unique property.

Love the exposed beams.

So you think it's worth something?

Yes, but keep the windows open,

we need to clear that smell.

Smoking is a real deal breaker for a lot of people,

especially these young couples.

And that's all that seems to be buying these days.

Folks leaving the city

looking to spread out and reproduce.

Is that your wife?

No, no, no, no. That's my mom.

How sweet of you to have this.

That's not mine

I didn't want to say anything,

but this place seems really off the grid.

You know, I would love to spend

a little extra and freshen things up.

Get rid of these antique chairs.

Rip out all of this junk.

Oh!

My goodness. You startled me.

Hmm. You are...?

The listing agent.

Anya. Anya.

- Get out. - No

- Is there a problem? - There's no problem.

You don't have to go anywhere. There's no problem.

- It's not his house. - It is my house.

It's my house.

It's my house. OK, my house.

My mom left it to me in her will.

OK?

- My condolences. - It's fine.

I'll come back tomorrow morning.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

Listen--

Unbelievable.

Even for you, Anya, this is fucking unbelievable.

Goddamn it.

No. No, you're wrinkling them.

What are you talking about, wrinkling them?

Wrinkling them? You've never...

Stop! Eh! Stop.

Stop.

This is how you pack.

Baby, you've never folded anything

in your entire life.

And all of a sudden you tidy.

No, you stop! You tidy.

You make the bed, you make me eggs.

You make me fucking bacon! Stop!

I'm taking you to your mother's.

I'm not going anywhere.

This is my house.

You took mushrooms when you were pregnant?

I didn't.

You wanna fuck with me,

That's fine, but I'm not going to let you

fuck with our baby.

What is this, Emmett? Is this some kind of game?

That's enough.

Are you kidding me? Give me this shit.

Why are you torturing me?

Is this some shit you and your mom came up with?

Some kind of bullshit, twisted cognitive behavioral therapy.

Do you not know how a woman's body works?

I can't have a baby.

I can't have a baby!

Oh, fuck.

Oh my god, Emmett!

Look.

You can't even look at it, can you?

There's only so much pretending you can do, Anya.

Huh?

God.

Every morning.

Any time she was stressed, really.

Body therapy, she called it.

And then there were her evening swims.

But is that all you came here to ask me about, yoga?

Oh, don't worry, I'm not your father.

No, I was just a hired hand. She paid me when she could.

No, your father was a guy who drove a motorcycle,

lived in a artist's loft in Soho.

That's all I know about him.

Honestly, I don't think she knew much more.

- Why did she-- - What, have you?

Try to forgive her, son.

She tried.

Believe me,

she never got over losing her little wild thing.

Emmy.

So, where are they?

Hmm?

That's how you're doing it, right?

Doing what?

Her journals.

This is what you're looking for.

I found it on my dresser.

"Is there some part of you still lingering about us,

"like some drunken reveler clinging to

the end of her night?"

It's trying very hard, but....

What?

It's just funny, Anya

Who is Anya?

Well.

In theory, she's my fiancee.

Oh,

so it's serious?

She's pregnant.

This is juicy.

Tell me everything.

Wait, let's grease the wheels.

So, things are complicated.

You can say that.

Yeah.

You could also say she's a...

a master head-fucker.

Emmett!

Now who taught you to be such a chauvinist?

Mm-mm. It certainly wasn't me.

She thinks I'm all fucked up

because I had such a shitty childhood.

Her mother never even taught her how to swim.

Hmm.

How is that even possible?

Well her mother is this fancy psychoanalyst,

which makes Anya think that she has the qualifications

to do some kind of quack therapy

to get people to talk about their, you know,

like deep, dark shit.

But really, she's...

just a poet.

Actually, she's never even made a dime writing poetry,

she's really just a frustrated copywriter.

Is it so bad that the mother of your child

wants you to open up?

She thinks I only want to have a child

because my mother abandoned me.

Hmm.

Is that what you think happened?

It starts with your back.

Well, you are really just...

You're not what I expected.

If this Anya of yours,

is all the things you say,

why not just walk away?

I guess maybe because

she's the only woman that ever loved me?

Hmm.

You want to know about your mother?

Did you want me?

It was more of a need than a want.

I don't even know where the need came from.

I tried.

Emmy.

I really, really tried.

OK.

Do you love your mommy?

Do you love your mommy?

What are you doing?

Sweetheart, stop that. Stop it.

Say, "It's my birthday, Mommy and I love you."

Hold on one second. Hold still.

Do you love me? Say, "I love you, Mommy."

Sweetheart, don't do that to me.

Honey?

Hey, you're having a nightmare, OK?

Anya!

No, no, no. Shit!

Anya!

Emmett. What are you doing?

You can't swim.

You can't swim.

Please don't leave me.

Please don't leave me.

Please.

Please don't leave me.

Please.

Please.

How are you feeling?

Hungry.

I feel like I slept with my head underwater.

Wanna go into town and find something to eat?

Can't you like make me eggs or something?

You want me to make you eggs?

What is it?

Emmett.

Where are you going?

For a run.

Talk to me.

Will you please tell me what happened last night?

That was three nights ago.

Hey.

Don't shut me out.

I don't want to push you away.

I want to be close to you.

Just... stop.

- What are you doing? - But--

We haven't gone through that yet.

I thought you wanted to throw everything out.

OK, don't talk to me.

Do you love your mommy?

What are you doing?

Sweetheart, stop that.

Stop it.

Say, "It's my birthday, Mommy and I love you."

Hold on one second. Just hold still.

Do you love me? Say, "I love you, Mommy."

"I love--" Sweetheart, don't lament--

Let me just-- Oh, my goodness.

We're going to get that cut. Smile.

It's your birthday.

It's your... Oh, my goodness.

I got you an apology bagel.

Are you OK?

Alright.

It starts with the back.

What does?

Just... just try.

Sorry, it's like...

OK.

What's wrong with the bagel?

It's not the same.

As what?

Damn it, Emmett. Will you just--

Emmett.

Emmett, will you tell me your problem?

My problem is I'm not sure what's real.

Emmett.

What's your problem?

I'm Emmett and my problem is,

is that my girlfriend and I took mushrooms

and I seem to be really upset right now

about something she did,

but I'm not going to say what it is.

What do you think she did?

I think she was playing a game.

I guess it's kind of like a game of playing right now, but...

No, in that game, she...

pretended to be his mother?

Emm.

- Emm. - Your turn.

OK.

Hmm.

I'm Anya.

My problem is, is that I I've been trying

to tell you something for a while now

and I have been too scared to do it.

I really wanted to have your child.

My problem is that I can't.

My name is Anya.

And I want to have a family but I don't think I can.

What do you mean?

What do you mean? You don't think you can?

Because all I care about is writing poetry.

And going to gallery openings and impressing my friends,

and basically maintaining this image of myself

that is like the opposite of holding a baby in my arms,

and being covered in all that weird puke.

My mother is this really cold intellectual type,

and I never really got me love from her

unless I did something exceptional.

And you see, when I was like a kid,

I was like, really gifted.

And so I got a lot of love from her because of that.

But now that I'm not seen as like,

the most amazing poet or like, even like adult, you know,

my mom seems to have, you know,

like, like, disappeared from my life.

But I think it's like in a meaningful way.

But also, she may think that I'm just mediocre

and I'm, like, kind of broken because of that.

And I'm just, I'm just so worried

that I'm not capable of giving the kind of love

that a child or maybe even a husband would deserve,

because I can't think of anything

beyond my own fucking neuroses.

Which is why a couple of months ago,

I pulled out all my eyebrows

and I looked like a fucking mannequin.

Did you look at it?

There's no child in here.

They never could be a baby in here

because I can't have a baby.

Why aren't you saying anything? I can't have a baby!

I mean, this is what you said last night.

I need to get out of these clothes.

"If my body gave me this need to have a child,

why can't it make me love him?"

- You think I wrote that? - I don't know, did you?

That would actually be impossible

because I would never do that.

But you did do that to me, Anya.

Oh, OK. I'm gonna show you right now.

Hmm.

No. Look, look, look. Is it the same handwriting?

Great, so you admitted you're pretending.

I don't think so. No, I don't know.

You don't think so or you don't know?

I just told you I can't have a baby.

How do I know you're not fucking with me?

About what? No, of course not.

You just said you were pretending, Anya.

- Not about that. - About fucking what?

About everything?

I just told you I can't have a baby.

What else do you want me to tell you?

You know what? I want the fucking truth.

That's what I want.

I want the fucking truth. That's what I fucking want.

- No, you're not going to do that. - I swear to God.

I swear to God. I swear to fucking God, Anya.

I don't know.

- You made it up. - I don't know.

- I don't know. - That's not a fucking answer.

- It's not an answer, Anya. - I don't know what I did!

Emmett.

Emmett, that is my only notebook.

That is two years of my life.

Emmett, that is my only copy I will do anything you ask me.

Just don't do this.

Emmett. Emmett, you wouldn't do this!

Emmett--

Of course your mother abandoned you.

Of course she fucking did!

Emmett! Emmett!

Emmett?

Fuck this.

Emmett, where are my keys?

Anya?

Emmett.

Emmett.

What are you doing?

Anya?

Who are you?

I'm Bill, your neighbor.

I found him passed out by the side of the road.

Let's get him inside.

There you go.

You were on your way out?

Are you going to take him with you?

Aren't you trying to start a family?

Is that what he told you?

Forgive me.

I haven't been here since the day I found her.

Tracy once told me that

she was going to be reincarnated as a bug,

because of all the terrible things she did.

Still can't bring myself to kill one.

We tried it once. Me and her.

I could never get over her.

Hard as I try, I just can't accept the fact that...

it's all gone.

She's still here.

- Jeez! - Are you OK?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

What happened?

Emmett was a difficult child.

A wild child.

Hard to discipline.

The syringe?

He showed up at my house, filthy, scared.

His foot was broken. I took him to the hospital

and that's the last night she saw him.

What he needs, you could never give him.

He needs her.

What does she need?

I wish I knew.

Thanks.

For what?

For letting me say goodbye.

What are you doing here? Get out.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

You were right.

About everything.

I'm sorry about last night.

I really do feel a lot better now.

I just hope it's one of those things

where you can see, you know, like,

deep down inside, even, even my darkest,

nastiest self and maybe I'm...

not all bad.

I guess you didn't look too closely at which book I burned.

You know, maybe before you make any big decisions

we can spend the day together.

Get out of this house.

Enjoy the country before we have to go back to the city.

Now that I'm no longer avoidant.

You wanna talk about how you're feeling?

I'm Anya and my problem is--

No, don't! Don't. Don't.

It's fine. We're not going to tip.

I was relieved you burned my book.

I've been telling people for years

that it's been coming.

I was so nervous

about what everyone would think when they actually read it.

Am I a hack? Am I too shallow?

Or is it too weird or pretentious?

Or am I just pretending to be something that I'm not?

I think I wanted a child just because

you know, what I was doing my entire life

I wasn't even good at.

It's because I was mediocre.

I needed something to feel like my life has meaning.

When I was young, I spent hours

and hours outside,

I'd come home and she would be writing or dancing

and she would say things to me like, "Not now."

You know, "Go away. Not now."

"Can't you see, I'm in the middle of something?"

I was hungry, you know,

or cold or tired or--

- You were needy. - Exactly. I was needy.

I needed my fucking mom.

I mean, if my existence

was just going to be some constant reminder

of a life that she left behind,

why put us both through that?

She tried to make it work.

She really tried.

She fucking abandoned me.

No, she did.

They took you from her.

I found the records in the basement.

How did you do it?

You talked like her. You moved like her.

You danced. You cooked.

You cleaned.

You changed your handwriting.

How?

Are you my mother?

No.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Are you Anya?

Yes.

Are you sure?

Yes. Yes.

But.

What?

But Anya can't swim.

Anya?

Hi. I'm Anya.

My problem is

I need a child.

My name's Emmett

and my problem is

I need a mother.