Original subtitles

Reggie. It feels really good to have you back.

-Thank you. -I love you very much.

And I'm really happy you're here tonight.

-Honest to God, I really am. -Bush is back.

[all cheering]

[Kris chanting] Reggie's back! Reggie's back!

So after taking a few months apart,

I think Reggie and I have realized

that we really do need each other.

And taking a second chance at it,

it has made us really realize how much we love each other

and that we don't ever want to be away from each other.

[Scott] Hey, Reggie, how are you feeling about everything?

I'm so happy that Reggie and Kim are back together.

I love Reggie and I know Lamar will get along great with him.

He'll be a great addition to our family.

[indistinct chatters]

Hey.

[Kourtney laughs] Oh.

[Scott] Where are his pants?

Our friend Liz brought her baby over.

I think Lamar and I would be such great parents.

I love kids and he loves kids too.

That's a nice jacket.

Nice shoes. Look at your sneakers.

[tickles]

Using your legs, like a little man.

[blows raspberry]

Where are Kim and Reggie?

["You Drive Me Crazy" playing]

* Baby, baby *

* Pretty baby *

* Looking for you *

* It's driving me crazy *

* Pretty baby *

* My pretty baby *

* Picking on you *

* Is driving me crazy *

[Bruce] Here we go again.

[whistling theme music playing]

Let's do it.

-How's practice? -Long.

-Are you tired? -Oh, yeah.

Today, Lamar and I are going on the Chelsea Lately show

for our first on-camera interview

as a married couple together.

You know, she may do a ground, she may close your ground with you.

I think you're gonna become kind of like,

an NBA, like, players wife.

Totally.

-All right, we're ready for you guys. -Okay, coming.

I'm here.

[cheering, applauding]

[Chelsea] Please welcome, the happy newlyweds,

Khlo� and Lamar Odom.

[audience applauding, cheering]

Welcome, welcome.

-Hi. -How you doing?

-I'm good, how are you doing? -You good?

-You just came from practice, right? -Yeah, I'm a little tired.

Okay, well...

-try and pep it up for five minutes. -I will.

[audience laughs]

And you're not pregnant?

-Um, I don't think so... -Soon.

-Soon? Really? -Yeah, soon.

Why don't you just steal Kourtney's baby when she has that?

-Well... -[audience laughs]

Lamar and I have been talking about having babies

pretty much since the day we got married, and we know we want a baby together.

And you guys are very affectionate. It's very erotic watching you.

-Yeah? -Very erotic.

Yeah, I'm going to go up to my office and take a long nap.

[audience laughs]

Mario was telling me in Albania or whatever...

Is that a country?

Albania, yeah, I think.

When someone's pregnant

once you have your leftover milk,

the sisters used to suck the milk out.

Oh, stop!

Like, you do them a solid and like, suck out the extra milk.

-[Kim] That is disgusting. -Just don't call me.

[cell phone rings]

-Shh, be quiet. -Who is it?

-[shushing] Rob. Rob. Rob. -Rob, stop. Stop! Shh.

[sleepy voice] Hello?

I feel so sick, don't be mad at me.

I don't know what happened, I just like, ate something

and I feel really sick.

Kim, let's go shopping!

I just hung up on her. Why would you say that and call me out

while I'm on the phone with her?

[Kourtney] 'Cause why lie? You're such a liar.

The busier and busier Kim gets,

the more she lies to get through the day.

I think that she just...

lies her way through life to get what she wants.

-Honesty... -[Kim] No reason to call them out.

-...is always the best policy. -Great and well...

I don't want to hurt their feelings!

There's an old saying, "One lie leads to next."

[Kourtney] That's not even a lie worth telling.

I'm not even lying, I'm, like, white lying.

-I'm not lying about something serious. -[Kourtney] What does that even mean?

A lie is a lie, is a lie, is a lie, is a lie.

[Rob laughs] That's a lie.

[Kim] Who cares?

I think I'm, like, a little liar.

Like, not on important things. So I don't lie about serious things.

I lie about, like, little things.

It's not that big of a deal.

-Hello? -[Kris] Hey, Kim.

Where are you?

They're just checking my oil.

Check your oil?

So do you like my new dress?

Yeah.

She looks like Little Bo Peep.

Monica, I thought I was wearing that bikini?

She told me that you said she could wear it?

Kim, you're such a pathological liar!

Doesn't it look good on me?

It's easier just to not really...

all the way tell the truth.

Then, I just think it makes it easier on someone.

All right, I'm hungry. Do you want to go get something to eat?

I thought you were so sick

and you can't do anything?

Go on! I'm sick of you yelling at me!

We gotta get the liar out of the house.

-See you, Bruiser. -[Kourtney] Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Bye, Bruce, love you!

-I love it when you do that to me. -[laughs]

Do it again. Give me mouth to mouth.

Do you know who I learned that from?

-Who? -Kylie used to do that to me.

-Yeah? -She used to go, "I gotta kiss you!"

No, you gotta keep your lips like...

[blows raspberry]

[laughs]

That's what they do in Armenia.

-Really? -Mm-hmm.

What else do they do?

-A lot of things. -Yeah?

I have always been

the girl that's wanted a ginormous family.

I've always wanted a ton of kids.

The idea of having babies with him, it just makes me so happy.

-[Lamar] I love you. -Hmm?

-I love you. -I love you.

Your boobs are the size of Alabama.

I know, I can't help it.

Why don't you give Kim a call 'cause we could wait here forever.

She's just always late.

Kim is always late and she lies about where she is.

When are you gonna be here?

[Kim] I'm literally, like, ten minutes away.

Like, you know whatever she says, like, add ten extra minutes on to that.

I hate waiting for people when we're supposed to be eating.

Especially when I'm pregnant and starving.

[Kourtney] Look who's showing up!

Well, well, well.

I've eaten half my food.

Well...

Thank you for ordering for me.

Will you open this for me?

[Kris] What's wrong? Do you have wet nails?

[Kim] No.

You just got a manicure.

Kim, you made us sit here waiting for you...

Polish change, honey. Polish change.

-while you got a manicure? -You know what?

Leave me alone. I needed a polish change.

I have a photo shoot, what can I do?

[Kris] Such a liar. You really are.

I'm not a liar.

Yeah, well, you pretty much are.

Stop!

Not on my boobs.

[stuffed toy plays "Old MacDonald Had A Farm"]

Okay.

A baby is gonna be much worse.

They're gonna be

bothering you much more.

So my doctor said that you...

have to have sex all the time when you're pregnant to be healthy.

[laughs] Don't let anyone twist your arm.

You're living in sin.

I'm not.

Since you have a piece of paper, you're not living in sin?

Honey, I've been living in sin for a long time.

Now, it's just unprotected, so it's a different story.

Wait, why? Are you trying to get pregnant?

That's what happens when you have a husband.

Okay, so you're trying to have a baby?

I mean, I'm late on my period.

What does that mean?

I don't want to get too excited but my period's late.

I could be pregnant.

I just love children and I want as many as I can take care of.

I think you're just trying to get pregnant so you can be on my level.

So we could have kids at the same age.

[door opens]

[Khlo�] Scott.

What? What are you guys talking about?

I said, now that I'm married, I don't use condoms.

[Scott] I heard through the grapevine...

L.O., says you are a hell... of a girl in the sack.

-Who did he say that to? -It's around town.

Oh, I can't.

-You guys... -Come on.

No, I'm not. You guys, I can't.

-[man] Take hairspray and wipe it down. -[woman] Yeah?

Yes, doll.

[Kourtney] This morning, I'm at a photo shoot

with Kim, Kris and Khlo�, for Famous Cupcakes.

Khlo�, how are you?

[Khlo�] I'm so nauseous.

I am... I'm apologi... I don't know.

[Kourtney] If you throw up on me though, I'll throw up on you back.

Bet that could be a fun game.

When I woke up this morning for the cupcake shoot,

I was so nauseous.

I don't even know how I'm gonna do this shoot.

[man] Move this out and move this in.

We'll put that tier thing in the middle.

I have never had morning sickness

in my life.

The only time I've ever woken up and started throwing up in the morning,

was because I was drinking the night before.

And I was not drinking the night before.

[man] You're fine. You need to get closer to her, okay, babe?

Don't throw up on her, Khlo�.

[camera clicks]

She can, I'll just throw up back.

Beautiful.

[Kourtney] Are you gonna throw up?

[vomits]

How obvious can you be, Khlo�?

I mean, throwing up in the morning at a photo shoot...

It's definitely morning sickness.

Okay, let's do it.

Waiting for these results,

it's only three minutes. But the three minutes

feel like three hours.

[Kim] So?

You know that little thing that comes every month?

Stop!

I just missed my period and I just took a test

and it came up positive.

I am pregnant and I... can't keep this in.

Like, I have to tell someone.

Are you excited?

You wanted to start a family from the start, so?

When we were talking about it, he was, like,

"When do you want to get pregnant?" I was like, "I don't know."

He's like, "Well, I want you to have babies."

And I was like, "Well, obviously."

I'm really excited that Khlo�'s pregnant.

Her and Lamar are, you know, ready for kids

and they're excited to have kids.

-Just don't... -I cannot believe that all my sisters

-are gonna be pregnant, but me. -No, Kourtney's gonna have the...

And they're gonna have, like, kids!

You cannot tell anyone.

Not Reggie, not Mom.

-No one. -Okay, okay.

Oh, my God, I cannot believe this.

Have you talked to Khlo�?

Yeah, like, a couple of hours ago.

What's going on?

Has she said anything to you?

About what?

Nothing, never mind.

What's going on? They're having problems already?

No, they're not having problems, relax.

Tell me what's wrong.

Okay, do you promise you won't say anything?

-Yeah, I swear. -You have to promise

you will not tell Kendall, Kylie, Kourtney, Rob, Bruce, anyone.

I promise. Just tell me what's going on.

'Cause you're freaking me out right now.

Khlo�'s pregnant.

No!

-Yes. -No!

Yes.

It's five minutes. Is that why they got married?

No. She doesn't want anyone to, like, think that.

She's pregnant?

Well, she wants to wait. She hasn't even told Lamar yet.

-She just wants to wait... -She hasn't told Lamar?

[Kris] I can't think of anybody

who would make a better mother than Khlo�.

I mean, this is crazy!

All right, Mom, if you say anything,

she'll definitely know it's me.

-I'm not gonna say a word. -So do not say a word

or I will kill you myself.

Okay, I got it.

Where is Kim? Should I call her?

Yes. Yes, you should.

-[Kim] Hello? -Hey, Kim, it's Kylie and Kendall.

[Kylie] We're waiting for you!

We're ready to go to the beach.

Let's go!

Bye.

This is so annoying.

Kim promised us she'd take us to the beach today.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[Kim] I promise you, I did not forget.

I... I was just like, jogging,

and the... and there was a dog that like,

ran in front of me, and I totally sprained my ankle.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm totally fine.

-Kim? -Get ready.

If it hurts that bad, I don't want you to go.

Thank you so much for being so understanding.

-No problem. -Love you.

That kind of sucks!

Yep.

[Khlo�] Hello?

[Kylie] Congratulations!

On what?

I'm gonna have another nephew/niece.

Who said that?

Um, well, Kendall told me

and Mom told Kendall.

And who told Mom?

I don't know.

[Khlo�] Oh, my God.

Now, my whole family knows, due to Kim's mouth.

I'm so anxious for Lamar to come home from his road trip

because I want to tell him in person. So, I'm kind of...

stalling, I guess until he comes home.

Love you, preggers!

Oh, shut up. Bye.

Whoa! What you are you guys doing? I thought you were going to the beach?

What up, dawg?

Wasn't Kim supposed to take you?

No, she hurt her foot.

-Her ankle. -She hurt her foot? Doing what?

Running, I guess.

-Kim running? -[Kylie] She tripped over a dog.

-She what? Tripped over a dog? -A dog.

I hope she's not lying to these little girls.

You know, I've seen her do this before and it's just not right.

These little girls look up to her so much.

Well, why don't we do something?

-Okay. -Why not?

Oh, you said that with such enthusiasm.

Come on, let's have a little more excitement!

-Whoo! -That's better!

-Whoo! -Yeah! Thought so, all right.

It kind of sucks that we didn't get to go to the beach.

Well, uh, I agree.

But if Kim, you, know...

is not feeling good, can't blame her for that.

You got the flowers ready?

-Yep. -All right!

My sweet little girls got Kimberly flowers.

Okay, let's go.

You got the flowers?

There's Kim.

Kim?

Kim.

Hey, guys.

What happened to your leg?

I just really thought that you guys would be more offended

if I... said I forgot.

Kim, you could have just told us the truth.

You know what, enjoy your flowers.

[glass shatters]

Girls?

We're going to the car. We don't want to stay here anymore.

I mean, like, that's a little dramatic.

You know, they came all the way down here

'cause they wanted to bring you flowers and do something nice.

And they found out what?

That you're lying about this stuff. I mean, come on, Kim.

I mean, it's just ridiculous.

[Khlo�] You know, the kind of phone call I got

from a little 11-year-old

named Kylie?

No.

Uh...

I said it was a secret between you and I on a private car ride,

you decided to go

and tell Mom?

Why did you do that?

I mean, I just... I don't know.

[Kourtney] Kim's out of control.

She also lied to Kendall and Kylie

and said that her ankle was sprained

and that's just a completely new low for Kim.

[Khlo�] You started a lot of [bleep].

Okay, but I didn't mean to.

My family has always known that I exaggerate.

I mean, what's the big deal? Chill out.

You just need... I don't know.

We need to sew your mouth shut

for multiple reasons.

Khlo�.

[Kim] Hey, Bruce.

-Are the girls here? -Yeah.

They're upstairs.

Are you, uh...

gonna talk to them?

I'm going to apologize to them, make it better.

I think that would be very appropriate.

Girls!

Girls.

Hey, guys.

Um...

Okay, guys.

I just wanted to say

that I'm really sorry for lying to you guys.

I thought I was doing the right thing in trying to spare your feelings

and not hurt them.

When at the end of the day, I ended up hurting your guys' feelings more.

So you were trying to not hurt our feelings by lying to us?

But I wasn't even thinking. Just by me lying, I just thought,

I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

I mean, it's not what I planned at all.

And I just...

It just has really seriously taught me,

like, a sincere lesson.

Look, I promise, I will never ever, ever lie, ever again.

Are you being serious or are you lying?

Again?

Kylie, give me a break, seriously.

I'm here to, like, really tell you how I feel.

So will you please forgive me?

Kendall and Kylie just think I'm the biggest liar.

They don't believe anything that I say.

And... I feel like such a bad person.

And I just hope, you know, one day in the future,

they'll forgive me.

[Kourtney] Khlo� and I when we lived together,

we used to cheer each other on.

If she heard me having sex, she would,

"Go, Scott, get it, get it going.

Go, Scott."

She would scream from the next room

if she heard the bed shake.

What kind of a pervert did I raise?

Honestly.

You guys are the biggest perverts I've ever met in my life.

You must not be very sexual.

I am sexual.

I've been pregnant many times.

Makes sense. I have to use the restroom.

I've been through a lot because the hormones,

your body is getting used to a whole different set of hormones,

so you get nauseous.

[Kourtney] If I have a, uh...

massage, at the Four Seasons here,

can I use it there?

I think so, you should call and ask them.

I need a quarter.

[Kris] Why?

I'm gonna buy a tampon.

-Really? -Yeah.

I just started my period.

I feel so bad.

I feel really bad.

When you think that you are and you get really excited.

I could tell that she was getting really excited.

[Kris] I just feel terrible for her.

To be so excited about something so precious,

and then, have it suddenly, you know, ripped away from you,

is devastating.

-You know, it's gonna happen. -[Kris] It's gonna happen for you.

I feel like especially now,

it makes me put things in perspective of what you want

-in your life and don't want. -Yeah.

Also, I think you're still in your honeymoon stage.

You know, you just got married five minutes ago,

and it's gonna happen for you.

[Khlo�] I know everything happens for a reason.

And God has a plan for everyone.

And when the time is right,

Lamar and I will have a beautiful baby together.

[Khlo�] Next on Keeping Up with the Kardashians...

Where's my dress?

Bitch, I want my damn ATM card!

You are playing yourself right now.

[Rob] If I have to go to New York, I'll go to New York!

If I look like an idiot, how much more stupid can I look?

If you don't start helping me out, this relationship is done.