Original subtitles

-No, I'm really tired. -Don't leave, I'm just kidding!

-I don't care. -No, we're just playing.

-Just stay. -Khlo�, stop!

-We're just playing. -Khlo�, she's pregnant.

-Can you just get your hands off of her? -No, just don't...

-Don't touch her! -Khlo�!

That's not even funny! I'm leaving!

-Kourt, Kourt! -[Scott] Just get away from us!

[door slams]

I mean, honestly, he grabbed Kourtney.

-I was... It's my sister! -[Rob] You're crazy.

He just went, "Come on." Like this.

He didn't go, "Get over here, woman!"

We had such a nice dinner and then you just [bleep] all up.

[whistling theme music playing]

Roya, I think we should give these away

-like a free gift with purchase. -Okay.

-Okay, to anybody like... -[Kourtney] Hey, guys.

[Kris] Hey, Kourt, what are you doing?

Just coming to get my stuff.

I'm just gonna work from home today.

-Why? -Khlo�'s psycho,

and I don't wanna see her.

She's, like, last night,

like, literally slapped Scott across his face.

[Kris] I knew she was mad at Scott,

but I never expected that she would really take out

everything she had inside, and hit him.

[Kris] Kourtney, what did Scott say, though?

-I mean, was he... -Nothing. He wasn't doing anything.

They were just playing around,

but then she, like, took it to the next level.

Khlo� hitting Scott totally crossed the line.

I don't want anything to do with her right now.

I don't wanna look at her.

I don't wanna talk to her.

[Kris] I'm tired of everybody fighting.

I'll go talk to her.

This is just something that really needs my attention right now,

and I'm gonna have to step in,

and see if I can get the two of them to work it out.

-Hey, Khlo�. -Hello, governor.

-What are you doing? -Nothing.

It's hot in here.

You know, I need to talk to you about something.

What?

I just heard that you slapped Scott last night.

Oh, my God, it's not even that big of a deal.

Khlo�, it is a big deal.

I don't care how mad you are at somebody, you don't hit somebody.

That's abusive, you know?

I know that he's not the ideal situation,

but he is a part of our family.

It's gonna be a different dynamic between you and Kourtney,

-because there's gonna be a baby. -I love that it's so easy to preach

when you're the one that is so mean to Scott.

You yell at him every second.

And now that I get angry one time 'cause he grabbed me

for grabbing my sister,

you're gonna now criticize me,

and blame me for something? That's ridiculous.

Look how angry you're getting.

My whole family is so hypocritical.

Everyone's pointing the finger at me for slapping Scott.

I'm just doing what they all wish they would do.

Well, you work on your anger, and I'll try and work on mine,

and we'll change our attitudes together.

Happy family.

What's going on with Khlo since the wedding?

I haven't even seen her.

I think it's really good for Khlo�

to kind of be away from Kourtney a little bit.

Khlo� needs to concentrate on...

being married, and being a newlywed

and making babies.

Oh, God.

-Talking about sex. -Hmm.

Do you remember I told you I went to Betsy's birthday dinner?

-Yeah. -The party favors, you're gonna die.

These were at every one of our seats.

What is it?

-They're little male enhancement... -Wow.

...sex pills.

-Sex pills? -I am not kidding you.

And I thought my friends were crazy.

Lisa's friends gave out organic male enhancement pills

that I guess you can buy over the counter.

I wouldn't mind trying it, I mean...

Bruce is never gonna go for this.

Just take it, just take it.

All I wanna know is, I want a report afterwards.

A report? Yeah.

-And I'll give you one... -Stand by for that,

you might be waiting a really long time.

[phone dialing]

-[Khlo�] Is that mine? -No.

-Whose is it? -It's mine.

Uh-uh, it's Kim's, huh?

-But I took it. -[line ringing]

She doesn't need another one. She'll never know.

Wait, did you really take... I knew you took it from Kim.

-[Kourtney over phone] Hello? -You're so evil.

Hey, Kourt. I'm with Khlo�.

-Hey, Kourt. -Hi, guys.

[Kris] So, we're gonna leave here in about 15 minutes,

and go to the sale at Barneys, you want to go with us?

Um... No, thanks. I'm really busy.

[Khlo�] You have been so MIA lately. What the hell is wrong with you?

Why would you think I would want anything to do with you?

You slapped Scott across the face.

You are Sensitive Sally.

Seriously, calm down.

All right, have fun, I'm super busy.

She's really serious, right?

[Khlo�] Kourtney has never spoken to me this way.

I don't want to apologize to Scott,

but I know the only way I could hang out with Kourtney again

is if I apologize.

[knock at door]

-Yeah? -Hi, Scott.

Can I come in?

For what?

Well, I came here to talk to you in person. Hey, Kourt.

I came here to apologize about what happened.

I mean, honestly, I think we all overreacted.

I overreacted, Khlo�?

I wasn't the one assaulting people, if you don't remember.

Yeah, I felt like you were invading my space with my sister.

Invading your space?

You physically attacked me.

Until you do something, I don't need you around me or around her.

-He's brainwashing you! -She's not brainwashed!

You are disgusting and you're going way too overboard.

I have to go.

If you hit somebody else that wasn't me, you could get sued.

-Scott, shut up. -Shut up?

Why don't you get mad again? Go hitting somebody!

[door slams]

I know I probably shouldn't do this.

If I put one little pill in his coffee, what's the harm?

-Hey, honey. -[Bruce] Good morning.

Hey, how's it going?

Here, honey, here's your coffee.

Thank you.

-Good morning! -Hi.

Okay, what are you guys gonna have, bagels?

You guys wanna go to the mall today? Is that what you wanna do?

Actually, I do.

[Rob] * We're all going to the mall *

[both] * We're all going to the mall *

[Bruce] Kendall and Kylie, they're growing up.

If I want to spend time with my little girls, now teenagers,

where do I go?

To the mall.

Hey, honey.

Why would you clean the pool if we have a pool man?

-What's going on? -What are you doing?

Can I help you clean the pool?

[Kris] I have a little bit of time before I go to the mall.

Let's see if this pill even works.

What, are you into the pool guy?

-Yeah. -Are you into the pool thing?

-I have a pool man fantasy. -Really?

Yeah, you wanna play "I'm the housewife, and you're the pool man"?

-[laughs] -Huh?

I think that might work out very well.

Yeah, that's...

Maybe we should.

[Kris] Honey, we've got 20 minutes, I've got to take a shower.

[Bruce] No, take longer than that, I'm in no rush.

[door closes]

[knocking]

-[Kris] Yeah? -We're ready!

[Kris] Okay, Rob, give me five more minutes.

What are you guys taking so long for?

[Kris] Rob, go away!

-Mom? -[Kris] What?

The kitchen's on fire!

[Kris] What?

What do you mean, what?

[Kris] We're busy, Rob!

[Bruce] I'll tell you what, why don't you take 'em?

-Here's a credit card. -You guys are bad people.

So how's everything going? What's going on, everybody?

We've been good, everything's good except...

your one psychotic daughter, Khlo�.

And she's, like, angry at the world.

She's not angry at the world.

I do miss Khlo�, though.

I'm just over this whole...

drama and fighting. I just wanna get it resolved.

Um...

have it back to normal.

There's just, you know, this, like, separation between the two of them,

and I think they miss each other.

So has anybody talked to Khlo�?

I mean, she tried to come to our house and apologize,

but I just said until she got, like, help,

I don't really want her around me or her.

I think she needs to go to some kind of anger management.

[Kim] Now that's crazy, she does not need anger management.

She was just, like, drunk,

and just messing around with you.

So you think that's fine just to go around being like that?

[Kris] I understand where Scott is coming from.

I mean, he's just trying to figure out a way to set boundaries with Khlo�,

and let her see that there's consequences for her actions.

I'll tell her that, you know,

maybe it would be a good idea to kind of mend this...

rift you guys have going on,

and maybe it wouldn't hurt her to go to a class.

[Kourtney] Mm-hmm.

-All right, perfect. -[Kris] Done.

-Done. -I'm such a genius.

[Kris] Let's eat.

Honey, thank you for such an amazing day today.

I don't know what it is about Kris, but she's acting pretty hot.

She wants it in the kitchen!

[exclaims]

What?

What do you mean "what"?

Why is it that I'm feeling a little dirty right now?

That's good, honey.

I like dirty!

[Kris] Come over here and sit down with me.

I wanna have a talk with you.

[Kris] Anybody who knows Khlo�,

knows that she's not gonna do anything she doesn't wanna do.

Now, it's my job as her mom to convince Khlo�

to go to anger management.

Kim and I decided that we wanted to have a talk with you.

Listen, you and Kourtney out of everybody in our family,

are the two closest.

And I really need you to help me fix the piece in the family.

And maybe you should just consider

making everybody happy and going to, like...

an anger management program.

[Kris] Maybe you should just consider going to, like,

an anger management program.

I know it sounds stupid,

but if you just go along with them, and just go one time...

[Khlo�] Okay, fine.

I'll go to anger management if that means

everyone will shut up about this and move on,

and it will make everybody happy.

Honestly, the [bleep] I have to deal with with this family is redic.

You just are too strong for your own good.

Like, you just don't even know.

-Like, you know... -Oh, Kim!

I feel so guilty,

but Bruce and I are having so much fun.

Morning, Mother.

Hey, Rob.

Are you hungry, sweetie? You want some breakfast?

Yes, please.

You're making such a nice breakfast, Mom.

He's starving!

'Cause you guys have been boning so much.

Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob.

It's not cool to be talking to your mother like this. Come on.

-Just go get dressed. -Okay, thanks.

-Hey, honey, I have your coffee. -[Bruce] You do?

[Kourtney] Will you measure me?

-Waist to hips. -You want me to measure you?

Yes, get a measuring tape.

I'll go grab one.

-[metal scrapes] -Got one.

Doll, what the [bleep] is that?

You need like a fabric one.

-This is what I use. -Fine, let's just try it.

[groans] You're worthless!

-That's worth... -This is what...

I was sleeping!

This is what I need Khlo� for. And Khlo�'s, like, MIA.

-I'm still here. -I know.

I'm sitting here reading a million

-baby books all morning. -I'm saying besides you.

I just miss my sister.

So I wake up from a nap and...

my penis is [bleep].

And... this would not go away.

I don't know why I can't control myself right now.

I haven't had an erection problem since I was in middle school.

[Kris] Rob, where are you?

Mom.

Mom, don't come in here.

-What are you doing? -Mom, don't come in here.

What are you doing?

Shut the door, please.

Rob, you're acting really bizarre.

I call Scott out of all people

because I just cannot tell my mom 'cause that's just plain awkward.

I have a [bleep] and it will not go away.

[Scott] If you're kidding and I get there,

-and you're sitting there... -I'm not. Just...

...with a dildo or something weird. I'm not into it. I'm tired.

This is probably one of the most embarrassing things

that could ever happen to me,

considering I live in a house with my mother

and two little sisters and stepfather.

What's the problem?

-Scotty! -Ew!

It doesn't look bad right now.

I've been [bleep] for two hours at least.

You don't... I... You gotta go to the doctor.

The only doctor I know is my pediatrician.

-Does that hurt when I push? -No.

-Can you cough for me? -[coughs]

The good news is, you know, nothing is turning black and blue.

I think the next step is gonna be for you to...

to go into the hospital, and go into the emergency room.

[Rob] Once I hear that I may need to go to the hospital,

I definitely need Scott to call my mother.

[Kris] I get a call from Scott telling me he's got to take Rob to the doctor.

I'm supposed to be with Khlo� and Bruce

and I'm just gonna have everyone meet there.

We're going straight to the doctor so I can make sure

that Robert's gonna be okay.

[groans] Oh, death. Just come on, Robert.

-[Rob coughs] -So how did this all start?

Did you...

wake up with it? Did you...

I literally took a nap, woke up and...

-that was it. -So you're sure you haven't taken

any erectile dysfunction medication? Some of that stuff that you see, you know,

the Viagras or Levitras?

-I haven't taken anything. -Okay.

The doctor gave me some extra strength Tylenol

and he said if it doesn't go down in the next 24 hours,

then you definitely need to go to the hospital.

-[Kris] Robert... -[Bruce] What did he say?

He said that obviously I took some kind of drug and I haven't.

[Kris] What kind of a drug?

An erectile dysfunction.

[Kris] There's definitely something wrong with my son.

I'm thinking maybe Rob drank Bruce's coffee.

Is there a way I could have a little chat with the doctor?

-Sure, one second. -Okay, thanks.

Let me go ahead and call him in.

So, what's going on? Are you going to send him to the hospital?

Yeah, that's the idea.

If he was to have taken some kind of a...

drug, like one of those things that you take,

to get, you know, like a Viagra or one of those kind of things...

Uh-huh. At least that would give us an explanation.

Um...

If this doesn't go away on its own,

then probably gonna go to the hospital.

-Get it checked out? -Get it checked out.

I realize that now I have to tell Robert and Bruce

what's really going on,

and this is gonna be really, really hard for me.

All right, we're out of here. Did you pay for it?

Okay, before you go, this isn't easy for me to say.

I think that he might have...

accidentally drank some coffee

that I had intended for you to drink.

-Yeah. -Then he had a little kind of like, uh,

male enhancement little drug thing.

-No, no, no. -Oh, you got to be kidding me.

What the hell are you doing... Honey!

-You see... -You are a smart lady, okay?

-Yeah. -But sometimes you do the dumbest [bleep].

-Don't get mad at me... -This is about as dumb

as you've gotten so far.

[Rob] I feel like I should be really pissed at her.

But I mean, this is like, so ridiculous, I don't even know how to feel.

You weren't having fun the last couple of days?

-[Rob] Can we just go home? -Let's go.

So, what are you guys gonna do tonight?

She's going to...

[with accent] I have anger management.

[Kim] Anger management?

[Lamar] Anger management, it'll be like,

"Hi, my name is Khlo�!"

-[all laugh] -[Khlo�] You're coming with me.

-What? -You're the one that decided I have to go,

so you're coming with.

Kim is definitely going with me to anger management.

If I have to go through this, so does she. I'm not gonna be miserable alone.

You're taking me with you?

You're gonna throw out your back right now.

-[laughs] -Where are you taking her?

-[Kris] Bye, you guys, have fun! -[Bruce] Are you... Yeah!

[Kim] Mom!

Mom, help!

Help!

[screams] Help!

-Mom! -[Kris] Stop it, right now!

[Kim] Lamar!

[Kris] Leave her alone! Leave her alone!

[all laughing]

Rocky, stop it!

-[Kim screaming] -Stop it, Rocky. Rocky, stop it!

[all laughing]

-[Kim screams] -[Rocky barks]

People cut me off. I want to run them down sometimes.

[Counselor] Okay, tell me what would you like to do?

I feel like, [bleep] get your [bleep] ass out of here! [laughs]

Okay, all right. That's aggressive communication.

Things got heated, and I just started throwing...

-[Counselor] Okay. -...shoes.

Just have a seat right here, please. Thank you.

You're right on time.

Welcome to Daybreak Counseling Service.

This is an anger management class. What brings you to the class?

Um, because...

I got into a fight with my sister's boyfriend.

Tell me about this fight, what's going on?

He's a douche-lord, and I hit him.

Okay, one of the things that we always say in the class

is that anger is a secondary emotion.

So what I want you to do...

Come up for a second.

[Khlo�] The teacher wants to do a demonstration

where Kimberly pretends to be Scott,

and I am myself,

and I have to... verbalize my feelings to Scott.

[Counselor] So tell Scott basically how you feel.

I feel like you are a major douche-lord.

-Stop. -Oh.

[Counselor] Okay.

You're not telling Scott

how you feel inside about your sister.

-Oh, my emotions? -Your emotions.

I feel like you're taking my sister away from me.

[Counselor] Okay, so what does that do to you inside?

Hurts me.

[Counselor] Okay, how would you respond to that?

Oh, he would just probably be, like...

-[Khlo�] Denial. -Yeah.

And that's perfect, because this formula doesn't change Scott.

What it did, it changed how you interacted with Scott.

During this class, I'm realizing that, you know, my anger that I have for Scott

is not really about him,

it's about the fact that, I feel like I'm losing Kourtney,

and that I feel like she's being taken away from me.

-Do you miss your sister? -Mm-hmm.

Uh, you feel that loss?

I'm wondering what are you willing to do

to bring her in?

Try a little harder and...

not ignore him, but I don't necessarily

have to go out of my way to be nice to him.

Just be nice enough to make her feel comfortable.

[Counselor] Right.

-Thank you. -Okay.

* 'Cause I've seen ups and downs *

* I think I wanna change *

* If my heart is sinking... *

[Scott] It's called your job being a woman.

-It's called... -Cooking and cleaning.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

See if that ever happens.

-Whoa! -[doorbell rings]

I will spray this [bleep] right on your face,

and I know how much you hate grease.

The door is...

-Come on! -Hurry, you better watch out.

Just make me food! Oi.

-Hi. -Hi.

[Scott] How's it going?

What's going on?

I did take your advice. I did go to anger management, and...

And now, I totally get that I handled it wrong.

And I almost feel,

or felt, like, almost like you were taking Kourtney away from me.

I understand what it must be like for you to not have Kourtney every day.

We're not Siamese twins, we can't be together all the time.

I'm married now, she's having a baby.

But I do want you to know that I...

am sorry, and...

I won't hit you anymore.

I appreciate it.

As long as you realize where it was coming from.

Oh, how cute! We're all friends again!

[Khloe] I'm really glad that I went to anger management class.

I don't wanna hit Scott anymore.

I love Kourt, and I wanna be with her.

Therefore, I promise to never slap him again,

unless he does something really bad.

Oh, let's bring it in for the real thing.

I barely hug you.

[Kourtney] We're all friends.

[Kim] Only Khlo� and I know what the Bunny Hop is, so.

[Kris] I know what the Bunny Hop is, honey.

No, you don't know what it is.

[Kris] I invented the Bunny Hop.

Mom, you don't know what we're talking about.

-Hey, Kris. -No, no. [shushing]

We just had some coffee of yours that you made us earlier.

So, I decided I'm... I'm gonna forgive my mom,

but I'm still gonna have my fun with her, and give her a hard time.

[Scott] It's so weird, I just had some coffee.

[Rob] I don't know what it was, but all of a sud...

[Kim] What are you doing?

All of a sudden, I drank something and my penis turned green.

-I thought it was decaf! -[Bruce] There you go!

[all laugh]

-Robert, stick that back in there. -[Bruce] Honey...

I found your, uh, magic pills.

What is this?

[Kris] Honey, I'm sorry.

You're great with or without the pills.

[Bruce] Apology accepted.

Now everybody, let's eat.

Just watch out for the coffee.

[Khlo�] Next on Keeping Up with the Kardashians...

Reggie, it feels really good to have you back.

-[all cheering] -[Kris chanting] Reggie's back!

Reggie and I don't ever wanna be away from each other.

-[audience cheering] -Congratulations.

Today, Lamar and I are going on the Chelsea Lately show.

-And you're not pregnant? -I don't think so.

-Soon. -Soon?

Khlo�'s pregnant.

-She's pregnant? -Yeah.

Is that why they got married?