Original subtitles

[Kris] Tonight on Keeping Up with the Kardashians...

1984, just went through my second divorce, lost millions.

I had a little thing done with my nose, had it straightened out,

little dinky lift.

If you Google my name, the worst plastic surgeries of all time

or whatever it is...

I just don't know if I can take the scrutiny.

Blending it in where nobody notices anything would be my goal with you.

[Kris] I didn't realize how upset I would be

when we got to the operating room here today,

because it's, it's a big deal.

[Kris] I know that this is gonna be a really, really long day.

I can't wait till it's over and I just know my husband's OK.

Oh, my God!

[Kris] You guys ready? One, two, three!

[all] Whoa!

OK, who at this table has had a vasectomy?

[Khlo�] Bruce scarred his penis.

-Huh? -[Kourtney] Kylie is traumatized.

Yes, Khlo�, I did have a vasectomy, so I'd have

-no more children like you. -You didn't have me!

-[laughter] -[Khlo�] He's so confused.

Well, with the potential.

[Bruce] You know, the conversation was going great,

until all of a sudden everybody like picks up their texts and they...

This is why we're going camping, I'm telling ya.

We're leaving all the electronics behind.

[Bruce] When I was growing up, the greatest vacations we had...

Camping, it was the best!

I wanna bring that to my family.

Bruce, Adrienne's family is coming into town,

to see her and she can't go on the camping trip.

-[Bruce] Adrienne, you're going. -[Khlo�] Adrienne!

-[Rob] And neither will I. -[Kourtney] You have to!

Adrienne, why don't you invite your family to go with us?

-Are you serious? -Honestly, I have enough room.

The way to make this camping trip work, everybody has to go.

I say, just bring Adrienne's parents. The more, the merrier.

-Hello, we have not met. -[Nilda] Hi, Bruce. It's Nilda.

-How are you? -I'm doing great.

I'm here with Kris and I'm taking the girls on a camping trip.

But it just so has to be the same time that you guys are out here.

Adrienne doesn't want to go and Rob doesn't want to go

because you guys are gonna be in town, so what I thought...

invite you guys to go out with us.

Are you in a adventurous kind of spirit?

[Nilda] Oh, sure. We're up for it, why not?

[Bruce] You'd go camping with us? This is wonderful!

-I like you already. -[Nilda laughing]

-[Kourtney] Yeah, they're in! -[Bruce] They're in, guys!

[all cheering, clapping]

This is not gonna work. You know, my family, their family,

completely different backgrounds.

Hey, we're really looking forward to meeting you.

[Nilda] Wonderful!

[Adrienne] I don't even understand how this happened.

I'm looking at Rob, like, "Please, save me!"

How do you meet someone for the first time, like,

"Hi, I'm now gonna spend the next 48 hours with you."

Like, it's just awkward.

[Rob] This trip isn't exactly the best way

for Adrienne's family and my family to meet.

-[Adrienne] OK, this is... -[Rob] Kourtney!

Like, my parents catching Kourtney and Scott having sex

in the tent right next to them!

[Rob] I'm definitely gonna tell my family,

"You cannot be how you normally are

around her family, you gotta be on your best behavior."

My parents are a little old-school.

Let's just say they live at the end of the cul-de-sac and not on the corner.

[Kourtney] Rob is probably nervous.

This family could be his possible in-laws.

I think he doesn't want to scare them off.

-[Kylie screaming] -[Rob laughs]

We're probably rowdier than Rob would like, but that's us.

That's enough, that's... Oh, my God!

-[Khlo�] You and I are cornering... -[Kris] Stop. Come on, guys.

[Kris] Don't hurt him! Khlo�, don't hurt him.

-[Rob] Hold me tighter! -Khlo�, you're sitting on him.

-What's the correct password? -[Rob] Someone call 911!

-[Bruce] All right, we're ready. -No, no, you're right here.

The wind, you guys. Is this necessary?

Go change. Awful.

No, that is not cute.

[man] Yeah, yeah, yeah, more!

I'm gonna need someone to make me laugh.

Where's Kim?

-[Khlo�] Kim is always late, duh. -I'm here.

-[Kourtney] Get out of our way! -[Kim] Stop, jealous!

-[Kris] That's enough. -[Bruce] Stop!

[Kim] Stop!

[man 1] Great, guys.

-[man 2] That's it. We're done. -[man 3] Money.

[Dr. Shieh] Today we're gonna be doing the Triniti skin series.

It's a three-in-one, non-invasive procedure.

It's a complete approach to skin rejuvenation.

I've been thinking about getting a little, mini face-lift,

for a couple of years.

But before I do that, my doctors referred me

to a skin rejuvenation center for a laser treatment.

[Dr. Shieh] Now, we like to use the anesthetic because we want people

to be as comfortable as possible during the treatment.

It feels like a little rubber band snap.

-I mean, I can feel my cheeks. -You can feel them, when you touch them.

Yeah.

-But is that good or bad? -[Dr. Shieh] Yeah, that's good.

-Just slap me and see if I feel it. -[nurse laughing]

[laser beeping]

I think it looks a little bit better.

[Khlo�] Wow, Mom, you look glowing!

You don't need a face-lift.

-I don't think you should do it. -How does my neck look from the side?

Like a turkey.

I'll tell you who I wish would get [whispers] a face-lift...

-...is Bruce. -[Kim] I feel like,

it's to fix what happened, you know, what they did before.

He did it, what, when he was like 30?

He's always had low self-esteem.

[Kris] When Bruce went to a surgeon many, many years ago

to have his nose done,

not only did the guy botch the job and had to do it again,

but he talked Bruce into some surgery.

Bruce trusted him and he went a little too far with the face.

Shh.

What are we, a town hall meeting? What is this?

We were discussing if Mom should get a mini face-lift.

Oh, please. 1984, I just went through my second divorce, lost millions,

was living by myself, wasn't feeling very good,

had like the hook taken out of my little nose here.

It was referred to as "the Bob Hope ski-jump nose" in the media.

And just a little left right here.

I've caught hell ever since.

The media just came down on me. Oh, my God.

[Bruce] And it hurts a lot of times the things they say.

If you Google my name, "the worst plastic surgeries of all time",

or whatever it is, they've compared me to Michael Jackson.

I mean, the media can be brutal.

[Kris] I know he really wants to fix his face,

he just needs to be pushed a little bit,

so that he takes care of something that's made him feel really bad

for a really long time.

If I had a little, you know, a little here, and a little there,

the media would go bananas!

[Adrienne] Do you know where we're going this weekend?

-All I know is we're driving. -See, I can't deal with you.

You need to get information. I don't know what the hell I'm packing.

I need to call your mom and ask her what I'm supposed to pack.

I'm so worried about this trip.

I'm just thinking of all the ways that this could go so wrong.

They're spending a full 48 hours together...

eat, sleep, breathing, all that, up in the same air.

Yeah, it's probably not a good idea.

My family going camping with Adrienne's family

is just bringing a lot of anxiety to me,

'cause my sisters are just so inappropriate,

they're gonna be trying to mess with me, especially with her family there.

They're gonna be very embarrassing.

We need to tell Khlo� no sex talk.

Well, they're all...

They're gonna like do something to embarrass me, so...

That's just how it works.

[Bruce] Let's go, girls! Everybody in!

-Do you have any cell phones? -No.

Anything electronic on you?

-No. -Pass.

Give me your cell phone, right now. Come on.

-Let's go. -Oh, I'm a good girl, I didn't bring it.

-You didn't bring it? -See that?

-That's my girl. -Fully focused.

Give me your cell phone.

[Bruce] We're moving, guys!

I see people on the street.

[Adrienne] Yes, that's them.

My mom, in the yellow shirt.

It's very rare that my whole family takes a trip like this.

My mom Nilda, my step dad Joe, my sister Claudette and her fianc�e.

I'm so excited you guys are coming with us.

-Yeah, we haven't been camping in a while. -All I can say is buckle your seatbelts.

[Bruce] Adrienne's parents coming on this camping trip, with all these girls,

you never know what's gonna happen,

you know, you just kind of have to hope for the best.

And I'm sure Robert's hoping for the best.

All right, let's pile on the bus.

-I wanna drink to toast Nilda and Joe. -Thank you!

-Happy anniversary! -Thank you!

[all] Happy anniversary! Yay!

Look at this, we're just passing cars left and right.

I'm telling you, let's see if they can keep up with the Kardashians.

We're going camping!

This is it, this is it.

Looks like we're here, guys. We're out here in God's country.

There's nothing here, honey.

[Bruce] All we need now is to set up camp.

Oh, he wants us to help him, is he kidding?

I'm not doing that!

"Assemble the poles 1a, 1b and 1c.

Do not allow the shock cord to snap the pole sectioning."

What the [bleep]?

Language, Khlo�, language.

My stepdad is a Marine, he has a Purple Heart,

he's very conservative and he feels like,

as a parent, we should have respect for him when he's around.

[Kris] Oh, [bleep]. Please help me!

We need to put the sticks together first.

Oh, [bleep]!

This is not fun.

[Rob] I don't know how to be with my family

and then watching over Adrienne's family,

I don't know how to make the two work,

so it's gonna be a really difficult situation.

[Kourtney and Khlo�] This is the good life.

OK, guys, it's 5:00. Does anybody want a drink?

I have Le Tourment.

I got a Corona!

-[Khlo�] Nobody has a corkscrew? -[Kris] Where's Khlo�?

-She's gone! -Khlo�, there's a group of people

down here on the shore, come help me get a wine opener.

Mom, I'm not even drinking!

-All right, I'm going now. -[Khlo�] Bring some condoms!

Khlo�'s making comments about sex, condoms.

Hope you enjoy it, bring some lube!

[bleep]

[Rob] This is not going well. I'm in a difficult situation right now.

[Adrienne] Is Papa upset about something?

Is Papa upset about something?

Papa!

-What's wrong? -I don't know...

I just can't get... [indistinct]

Everything's got a sexual connotation to it.

They're not always like this, I promise it to you.

It's not me. You know the way I am.

[Adrienne] It'll be cool, OK? Just relax. Have a Corona, Papa.

All right.

[Kris] The burnt ones are the best. Isn't that good?

-[Bruce] Oh, this is good. -[Kris] Isn't it great?

-[Kris] Khlo�, do you love it? -Who eats something like this?

This is gross.

-[Kris] Did you have a good day? -Yeah, the kids had a good day.

So, do you care if I go ahead and make that appointment with Garth?

With Garth?

Dr. Garth Fisher is one of the most amazing plastic surgeons I know.

Not only is he a good friend, but he's a genius.

The only reason I bring up this consultation

is because I know that it's something that Bruce really wants to do.

He wants to correct the mistake that was made many, many years ago.

Let's just... We're camping now, let's just enjoy the camping.

We'll discuss it later.

[Kourtney] Cheers!

[Kris] Do you guys want to tell scary stories?

[Khlo�] No, let's just play the game Would You Rather?

[Kourtney] OK, Khlo�'s gonna start.

[Khlo�] Mom, would you rather have a threesome with Bruce

or would you rather just watch Bruce have sex with someone else?

-[Rob] Stop, Khlo�! -[Khlo�] Now, you have to answer one.

[Khlo�] Which one would you rather do? But if you don't answer it,

then you have to take a shot of Patron.

[Kris] I'll take a shot.

OK, let's ask Rob a question.

[Kourtney] Would you rather us tell the story

about how you got the name Pee Boy

or how Kim and I flicked your [bleep]?

Oh, my God.

Adrienne, would you rather [bleep] Robert's [bleep] for a minute

or would you rather [bleep] his [bleep] for a minute?

[Kim] Khlo�!

Everyone else is laughing and I know my dad is just furious,

he's just like, "That's not funny."

[Khlo�] Okay, Kourtney, would you rather...

Ma! [mouths] Where's Papa?

-[indistinct] -Where's Rob?

[Adrienne] I really need Rob's help in this situation.

I'm hoping that he can talk to his family

and tell them to please just chill out a little bit

on the crazy, sexual remarks.

[chuckles] There's nothing I can do, you know.

If it was the other way around and my family was doing something

that made your family uncomfortable, I would be like,

"Yo, check it out. You can't do that."

I would never make your family feel uncomfortable.

[Rob] Adrienne's dad, you know, looks very upset,

Adrienne's concerned,

I don't really know how to approach the situation.

I've never been in a situation like this.

I don't know what... I can't... I don't know what to say.

-I know, but it's humiliating. -No, I know.

We cannot talk like that in front of Adrienne's family.

Rob is the baby in our family. I don't think he has a voice

that's heard and respected.

You know, their parents are so strict. I can't even...

I don't even sleep in the same room as Adrienne,

like, we're sleeping in the same tents, that's even cutting it.

You have to say something to them.

I think that Rob has to just grow up and be a man

and take a stand for himself.

If he wants everyone to shut up,

he just needs to tell everybody what to do.

-[Khlo�] What is your problem? -Adrienne's family doesn't...

They're not feeling me right now, they're probably hating me.

-[Kourtney] Why? -I come from a family

-who talks about balls and sex... -I don't know why I find [bleep]...

-...and sex and oral so funny. -[Rob] I don't know why you're so...

-...and balls. -Khlo�, stop it!

I think the girls have always looked at Rob as the baby of the family.

And no matter how old he gets, they don't really listen to him

when he needs them to.

Guys, listen! Listen! Seriously, you guys cannot be doing this.

You guys don't respect my decision at all.

As a member of this family, I just asked you guys to do one thing for me

and that is to behave.

Rob is totally right, we don't really give him a lot of respect.

He's, like, our little brother.

[Kourtney] You're right.

-[Khlo�] Trust me... -[Kourtney] I'm sorry.

...if you did this to me I would totally cut your balls off,

so I totally get it.

I love you and I respect you and I'm sorry you even feel that we don't.

-We're sorry, Rob. -But seriously, this means the most to me.

It's Adrienne, I love her.

I'm so shocked Rob is actually standing up for himself.

I'm actually impressed.

[Khlo�] I really don't want you to be mad at us, because we love you.

-[Rob] Aww, thank you. -I love you. You're a good boy.

Rob, you're touching my boob in a weird way!

I hope today just works out so much better than it did yesterday.

It will.

Lord, make it a good day.

I'm gonna go check on Adrienne's parents to see if everyone wants some breakfast.

Morning! I'm gonna go get some breakfast, do you guys want any?

The camping trip is almost over.

I think we really want Adrienne's family

to know that we do care about their feelings.

and so we kind of make that extra effort.

I come bearing coffee.

-Ooh, perfect timing! Thank you. -You're welcome.

Joe!

You know, I kind of look at the kids, kind of the big picture of the kids.

I mean they're really, really good kids, especially Robert.

You'd be lucky to get Robert in your family.

No, we love Robert.

I'll try to talk to the kids about keeping the language down, you know.

Actually, you know, it's a lot more me than anything else.

Yeah, I know. Well, I'm the same way. Sometimes I wanna strangle them.

What was the highlight of the camping trip for you, Kourtney?

[indistinct shouting in distance]

-She's gonna moon us! -Yeah!

-[Scott laughs] Oh, my God! -[Kris] She's 10 years old!

[Kourtney] Get cellulite removal, you fat ass!

[Rob] It was good to see that they will feel

more comfortable with my family now

and you know, over time, they'll become closer,

but that made me happy to see,

that they were actually were able to like laugh with each other.

[Kris] OK, guys, let's pack it up!

-[Kim] OK, one, two... -[Bruce] Yay!

[Kris] Oh, great trip, everybody!

[Rob] This trip was awesome.

My family, Adrienne's family got along.

I gotta knock some sense into my family more often.

[all] Whoo-hoo!

[Kris] I think it's 5:00! Time for a cocktail!

[Nilda] Yes, I'm up for that!

-[bus horn beeping] -[Kris] We're outta here!

-[Kris] Hello, how are you? -Always good to see you, Garth.

-How are you? -Always good to see you, sir.

[Kris] I'm so excited that Bruce finally agreed

to the consultation with Dr. Garth Fisher.

When did you have your work done, '84?

Same hairstyle. Most people that come don't have the same hairstyle

-for 30 years, like you. -Most people don't have the same hair.

-Jealous? -[Dr. Garth] Yeah.

Here's what I see. The part of your face that was pulled,

that stayed pulled,

but the rest of it is kind of falling around it.

I think this looks older than it looks because this looks a little bit younger.

So here's what I would do, starting with the neck,

I would want to bring you neck up, take this extra skin out,

not pull this back, this does not need to be pulled back.

I think it was pulled back too much.

This probably needs to come up just a little bit on the side and that's it.

[Bruce] I just feel like this.

I took so much flack back in the '80s over this.

I mean, still today. You know, I'm on "Worst plastic surgeries ever."

[Dr. Garth] This is ultimately your call.

All right.

Nobody can really tell Bruce what to do.

Our only option is to say our piece,

wait for it to cook a little bit and see what his decision is.

I think the goal of surgery is to make you look very natural

and obviously putting everything back and blending it in

where nobody notices anything, would be my goal with you.

[Bruce] Long day.

Well, I've decided.

You know after our meeting with Garth,

I mean, he's a good guy, great surgeon, this and that,

who doesn't want to get rid of a few wrinkles,

I'll get rid of a few wrinkles, you know.

Honey, it's a lot more than a few wrinkles.

I think you need to do this if you're gonna do this

-because you wanna do this. -I'm thinking, "Hey, why not?"

I think I'll go through with it.

Bruce has decided to go ahead with the surgery

and that makes me really happy.

We just want him to be happy and to feel good about himself.

Why not? I'll get rid of a few wrinkles.

But it's so cute, the way that he's finding other excuses.

Like, just a little wrinkles, or this or that.

He's not really admitting that he's gonna correct this bad surgery.

Which is kind of cute.

-But think of this, honey. -What?

Everybody coming up to you, saying, "God, you're married

to a much younger man." How do you deal with it, babe?

-I can deal with it. -Can you really?

-[Kris] Yeah. -[Bruce laughs]

[Dr. Garth] Let's go.

[Kourtney] Will it look normal right away?

-Or does it take a few weeks? -No.

[Bruce] For Halloween, I'm gonna be Frankenstein.

It's gonna take about two weeks.

He refuses to take his ring off for the surgery.

-That's really sweet. -[Kris] I know.

[Kris] I didn't realize how upset I would be

when we got to the operating room here today

because it's a big deal.

-Good luck, honey. I love you. -I know. OK.

[Khlo�] I know Garth Fisher is the best plastic surgeon ever,

it's just scary, it's like you're altering your face.

Do you want us to sing to you?

[all] * By-lo, by-lo, by-lo *

[Kris] I know this is gonna be a really, really long day.

I can't wait till it's over

and that I just know that my husband's OK.

[Kris] Bruce is being put out,

we don't know how long the surgery is gonna take.

Dr. Fisher thinks about eight or nine hours.

It's like, "Eight or nine hours?"

-Hey, how's he doing? -[nurse] Hi.

-He's doing great, we just finished. -OK.

-The surgery went exceedingly well. -Oh, good.

And he's gonna be in recovery for a while.

-All right. Oh, thank you so much. -We wanted to let you know.

[Kris] Come on. No. And no peeking, you guys.

-[Kourtney] We're not peeking. -[Bruce] No peeking.

OK, you guys ready?

[Kris] One, two, three!

[all] Whoa!

All right, it's been a little while since the surgery

to correct all the problems, you know,

from the old surgery from a long time ago.

But I have to say, Garth Fisher is a genius.

Why? Nobody really knew I had anything done.

They just kept saying, "Bruce, hey, you look great!"

[Kris] I adore my husband.

It's such a brave thing for him to get this surgery.

[tearfully] And I'm just really happy, honey, that you did it.

Meet my younger husband. I'm a cougar now.

Yes.

Yeah, and it doesn't hurt to be mistaken for Brody once in a while.

-[Kourtney] Hug the new you! -The new me!

[Kourtney] We got to hug the young Bruce!

-You think I'll get carded? -[Kourtney] Yes!

-[Bruce] Yeah, you think so? -[Kris] Yay!

[Khlo�] Next on Keeping Up with the Kardashians...

You got highlighter on, you got lipstick on, go wash your face!

All this make-up, the hair, the outfits, Kylie is only 11-years-old!

-No, I'm done. Come on. -Oh, stop. You're gonna make a scene.

I don't get people that are so selfish like you.

It's disgusting to be related to you.

I pissed you off? Seriously, I'm gonna have to leave.