Original subtitles

[***]

[Khlo�] Just pour it on her head.

I'll do it.

[Kourtney] Khlo�, that's not nice.

-[Kendall laughing] -[Kourtney] Oh, my God!

Mom!

Feel anything on your head?

[Kylie] It's dropping down. [laughs]

[bleep] What did you guys do to me while I was...

[Kylie] Khlo�!

I can't stand... What's on my head?

-[Khlo� laughing] -It's not funny, Khlo�.

What's on my head?

[Kourtney laughing] Oh, my God. You did it to yourself in your sleep.

[Khlo�] You don't notice the [bleep] that you do.

-[Kourtney] You were sleepwalking. -[Kris] OK.

-[Kylie] Here. -[Kris] No!

-What? -[Scott] Oh!

Not on my Gucci jacket! Are you insane?

[Scott] Oh, no.

-Khlo�, I... Khlo�! -[Khlo� laughing]

-[Kendall screams] -[screaming]

[Scott] What a nice way to treat your mother after a long day.

[Kris] I'm tired and I'm in menopause.

And I haven't had a drink in five days.

[Scott] Watch the...

-[camera shutters]] -[Bruce] All right, we're ready.

No, no, no, you're right here.

The wind, you guys... is this necessary?

Go change. Awful.

No, that is not cute.

[Bruce] Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on.

I need someone to make me laugh.

Where's Kim?

[Khlo�] Kim is always late. Duh.

I am here.

[Kourtney] Get out of our way!

[Kim] Stop. Jealous?

-[Bruce] Stop! -[Kris] That's enough.

[Kim] Stop!

[man 1] All right, you guys.

-[man 2] That's it! We're done. -[man 3] Money.

[***]

-[doctor] Hi! -[Khlo�] Hi.

Hey, Khlo�, how you doing?

So, I understand you're here to get your skin checked.

-Yes. -OK, great, great.

Let's get started. I'd like to take a look at you from top to bottom.

I'm going to the dermatologist to get my moles checked,

which I do every three to six months and Kim's along with me

because she's nosy and just wants to come.

I do have a history with skin cancer.

I've actually had three to five inches of skin removed on my back

and I have like a really pretty big scar.

[Kim] She has a freckle on her toe right there.

She actually has...

-Oh, that's just dirt. -[Khlo� laughs]

OK, now, um, has this one been growing or changing?

-I don't know, I've had it for so long. -See how it has that dark spot?

-Yeah. -And it has multiple colors?

-Yeah. -I think we need to remove it and test it.

-OK. -To make sure it's not melanoma.

[Khlo�] Don't tell Mom 'cause she like freaks out.

We'll tell her if it's something bad.

My mom gets so freaked out about anything

and I don't want to stress anyone out. Right now, it's nothing,

so why tell?

[doctor] You're ready? OK.

You're gonna feel a little pinch, all right?

-[Khlo�] No! -Here it goes.

-[Khlo�] Oh, [bleep]. -Some burning.

[Khlo�] Oh. [laughing]

This is just a little mole we're taking out, not her foot, right?

-[Khlo�] He's amputating... [laughing] -[doctor] All right.

Oh! Touch it or something, make sure I have feeling.

[doctor] OK, all right. Tell me if you feel anything, OK?

-[Khlo�] Oh, [bleep]. -[doctor] Here it goes. That hurt?

[Khlo�] Oh, no! [screams]

-[doctor] OK. -[Kim] Oh, I saw it. I saw it. Eww.

We're gonna test that and make sure it's not melanoma.

And then what happens if it is? What else do you remove?

Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves and just, um...

-Let's see what the biopsy shows. -Let's see what the results are.

[doctor] Yeah.

[***]

[Kourtney] I really don't know what I'm getting. Do you?

Can't say that I do.

[Kourtney] I can't believe it's gonna be

our two year anniversary soon.

I know, it's crazy.

Isn't that when you're supposed to like...

[Scott] Elope?

Reevaluate your situation or something?

-What do you want to reevaluate? -No, I don't know.

I think it's like a rule.

Mine and Scott's two-year anniversary is coming up

and I really cannot believe it's been that long.

I think everything is fine now, don't you?

[Kourtney] Yeah, no, I'm saying,

I'm glad, I feel like it's a normal, healthy relationship.

[Scott] Is there anything bothering you at this point,

or it's almost a 100 percent perfect?

[Kourtney] I love Scott, and our relationship

is going really well but there's still...

that trust issue that hasn't gone away.

He has a text message from somebody called "My Wife",

and it says, "I loved looking into your eyes last night."

Then he wrote, "I wish I could come to L.A. for a week and not tell Kourt."

Thank God it's gotten to a perfect place.

-[Kris] Oh, good, I get the street. -[Kim] I'm starving.

-[Kourtney] You are? -Yeah.

Yeah, well, I wanted to talk to you guys about what's going on with DASH

and, even though Smooch really isn't my deal, I feel like

we need a new location, we need something nicer.

I agree.

-And bigger. It just doesn't represent us. -You guys need a fresh start.

I set up a really big meeting today with my sisters and my mom

to discuss the future of our stores.

-[Kris] Have you talked to Khlo�? -She didn't come home last night.

She knew this was a big meeting for you guys and we need to get organized.

-[Kourtney] Call her. -What time is it? Where's my Blackberry?

-[Kim] It's just... It's not OK. -Normally, I talk to her all day long...

She hasn't even called me once today.

[Kris] Wow.

She's gonna kill me for saying anything, so you guys have to promise

-that you're not gonna tell her. -Well, obviously, tell us.

[Kim] I went with her to her doctor's appointment,

and, um, the doctor was concerned about something

and wanted to do a little, like, biopsy

on something just to make sure that it was OK.

[Kourtney] Yeah, but I don't think that has to do with this.

Why would she tell her not to tell us if nothing was wrong?

[Kourtney] I think you're just too dramatic.

You have to promise you will not say anything to Khlo�.

[Kris] I won't say anything, Kim.

And the fact that she didn't show up today

is totally out of character for her.

-Yeah, that's a little weird. -It's weird.

That's weird.

-[phone rings] -[Scott] Hello?

Hey. I... don't really know, like, exactly,

but probably like tomorrow, I don't know.

Everything's good, though, with it?

All right, so I'll talk to you tomorrow, perf. All right, bye.

-[Kourtney] Who was that? -Oh, it was just Tom.

That did not sound like how you guys talk.

You guys talk 10 million times a day.

Right, but no, he was just asking me something random,

about talking to him tomorrow about something.

And I told him I was about to go to bed,

so I was like, "All right, I'll just talk to you tomorrow."

-Well, whatever. -Whatever?

Look: last call...

-T.M.? -Yeah.

[Kourtney] Since when do you put Tom in your phone as T.M.?

He got a new number, so I put him as T.M.

because I already have it stored as TomTom

and Tom Mahl.

-OK. -OK, nothing.

OK, you're right.

-[Kris] Hey, Kim. -[Kim] Have you talked to Khlo�?

I haven't heard from her today. What's going on?

I've been trying to get a hold of her since yesterday afternoon.

Her phone's been off, it's really weird.

Did you call DASH?

I've called everyone at DASH, none of the girls know where she's at.

-What's going on with her? -She didn't sleep home last night.

So Khlo�'s had a biopsy... it's been days since the results.

And I know they're in.

It's really normal for me to think something could be really wrong.

I went through that whole skin cancer scare thing with her,

which was really serious.

For all I know, Khlo� could be in a hospital somewhere,

getting a treatment for something.

Khlo� has been down this road before and it's always been an initial scare,

but everything always turn out OK, so I know that...

[Khlo�'s voicemail] Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Leave a message.

[***]

-[footsteps approaching] -[Scott grunts]

-Hey. -[Scott] Hi, doll.

-I'm gonna get out of here. -Where are you going?

I'm gonna run a couple... Just random things I gotta do, nothing big.

Like what?

Um, just stupid stuff. Like, not a big deal.

Scott tells me he's gotta go run an errand.

Things are getting really shady around here.

All right, I gotta run, I'm late.

I'm gonna get to the bottom of this

and I'm gonna follow Scott until I know what the [bleep] is going on.

[***]

I drive by and I see him talking to another girl, giving her a hug.

Oh, my God.

I don't even know what to do. I'm so in shock.

I'm so over this. I'm just done with Scott

and his [bleep] stories.

[Kourtney] I can't believe I caught Scott

with my own two eyes with another girl.

I'm so over this, I'm over Scott,

I've just gotta get him the [bleep] out of my house.

[Scott] Kourtney, what the [bleep]?

Hello?

What are you doing?

Why don't you go to your girlfriend's house that you've been hanging out with?

What are you even talking about?

-[Kourtney] Figure it out. -[Scott] Figure what out?!

I didn't do anything and you always think I'm doing something.

Yeah, you put those thoughts in my head a long time ago.

So you go throw my [bleep] on the ground?

He is just lying straight to my face. Like, get the [bleep] out of my house

and out of my life.

I tried to freaking do things for you and this is the way you repay me. Fine.

[slams door]

[***]

[Kris] I finally get in touch with Khlo�.

Because I'm not supposed to let Khlo� know

that I know she got a biopsy,

I'm gonna have to figure out another way in.

What do you think this is for?

[Khlo�] It's a light to look up your vagina tunnel.

-[Kris] Vajayjay? -Sure.

I'm so glad you came with me to the doctor today.

Mom, I'm supportive, what else do you want from me?

You know, if you ever needed me to go to a doctor's appointment

with you, I would go.

What the [bleep] are you talking about?

If you ever wanted me to go with you, I would go with you with you.

Go with me where?

To, like, any kind of an appointment you might have.

Did Kim happen to tell you anything about a doctor's appointment?

What do you mean did Kim tell me something?

Why are you being all inquisitive about doctor's offices and stuff?

Where's this coming from?

You just randomly thought about this off the top of your head?

No, we're sitting in a doctor's office and I just wanted you to know

that I'm always here for you, too.

No, I think you are being [bleep] shady.

Khlo�, what about the huge business meeting you don't show up,

and Kourtney said you didn't come home the night before?

I mean, honestly, I really thought

you brought me here to spend time with you

and like, it was a bonding thing and you really wanted to take me to lunch

and hang out, but obviously this is not really why I'm here.

And you're trying to get [bleep] out of me that's not cool.

Who gets that angry if there's nothing wrong?

Khlo� wouldn't be this mad at me trying to get into her business

if she didn't have something to hide.

-I have to go. [Kris] Khlo�. Khlo�.

I'm going to lunch with my real sisters.

[Kris] That's so not fair.

[Kim] Kourt, why are all of Scott's clothes here?

[Kourtney] Because he is cheating on me

-with some nasty whore. -Who?

I don't know, this girl, I saw them.

-I saw them with my own eyes. -How could you not call us right away?

You saw it with your own eyes?

I called you, you don't answer your phone ever.

-I called you like three times. -What...?

Tell me.

He was talking on the phone,

and I could clearly hear a girl's voice

and he was like, "I'm talking to Tom,"

and I looked in his phone and it says "T.M."

and I just knew that something was going on.

And then I followed him

and I saw him with my own eyes

with a girl, like clearly, right in front of me.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Scott really wanted to surprise Kourtney for their anniversary,

so last week he asked me to go to a jewelry store with him.

Let's look at the watches.

We find the perfect watch for Kourtney. It has the yellow gold,

and the diamonds that Kourtney's always wanted.

-I'm Scott, by the way. -Hi, Natasha.

-OK, and this is Kim. -Hi, Natasha.

-Nice to meet you. -All right, so perfect.

-Two days? Okay. -Yeah, two days.

I've been talking to him on the phone, and I said, "Pretend that I'm Tom."

-Ugh. -He just wanted to get you a nice gift

for your anniversary.

Ugh. I [bleep] up.

Oh, my God, I just feel like such an idiot.

I didn't trust Scott.

-This has to be a lesson for you. -Ugh, I just feel awful.

What do I do? Please tell me. He's not gonna answer my calls.

[Kim] You call him and you just say...

I'm sure he's at Sean's house, like, he has no other friends.

So go there and talk to him.

I don't know, what if I get there and he's, like, won't speak to me.

Then he's so dumb and you shouldn't be with him. Seriously.

I'm just scared that he won't even want to talk to me,

and then I don't know what to do from there.

I'm gonna go call him and give him a heads up of what's going on

and that I ruined the whole surprise.

Will you find out if he's at Sean's and then I'll go there?

-Yeah, for sure. -OK, thanks.

[scoffs]

[Kris] All right, Lisa, you can be here tomorrow? OK.

All right, yeah.

Yeah, and then Khlo� will show up after everybody else.

Khlo�'s having a really hard time telling me what's wrong,

so I've asked her friends and some family to come over

to offer their love and support for Khlo�.

I'm just gonna let her know that we're here for her no matter what.

So she's in a place where she feels safe and loved,

and once and for all, tell us what's going on.

All right, bye.

[doorbell rings]

[Kourtney] I totally understand if Scott

doesn't want to talk to me for a while,

but I really hope he does.

Hold on, let me see if he's ready to talk to you because, you know...

-Yeah. OK. -Hold on a second, OK?

OK.

I just feel awful for not trusting him.

-Come in. -OK.

I've been taking care of him all day. He's like a sad little puppy.

Hey, doll.

What's up?

I just had to tell you that I'm really sorry.

-You couldn't have called me? -No, I wanted to talk to you.

I just found out from Kim that you were trying to...

get me a surprise for our anniversary and I had no idea.

And I didn't try to explain that to you while you were going crazy on me

for no reason.

No, you were acting so shady and our past history, like...

But that's the past and we've left that there.

You're right. I mean, I feel really, really bad

-and I obviously made a big mistake. -Big.

Yeah, so are you ready to come home?

What am I gonna do? Sit here with Sean for the rest of my life?

[Kourtney] I hope not.

Keeps asking me if I want to sleep in bed with him, he's sick.

You probably love it.

-I love you. Thanks for trying to grow up. -OK. I love you.

[Scott] Oh...

I just feel awful for not trusting him.

If I wanna be with him and move forward in this relationship,

I really have to let it go.

-[Scott] Hi, Sean. -I can see you guys are all better now.

-Yes. He forgave me. -I mean, she came to her senses.

-He almost left you for me. -[Kourtney scoffs]

-[Kourtney] You would love it. -I would.

-I acted like a psychopath. -[Scott] Crazy.

-It's OK. -[Scott] I told him the story.

This is so cute, this is like a romantic moment.

Let me see you kiss, kiss.

I am happy to see this broad, though.

Ew.

Love you.

-[doorbell rings] -[Khlo�] Oh, look, it's Maria, everybody.

-Hi! -Hey, how are you?

[Bruce] Good to see you again.

[Kris] Oh, my God. You're almost ready to pop!

-I know. -How are you feeling?

So I brought everybody here, friends and family from all over the place

to lend Khlo� love and support.

And I don't know how she's gonna react.

I'm really, really grateful that you guys all came to be here today,

because I'm really worried about Khlo�.

A couple of years ago she had her breast biopsied,

she had pre-cancerous cells, she's had things removed from her back,

so I know this time that something's wrong.

What if Khlo� is totally fine

and this has nothing to do with being sick

or anything like that. My mom is nuts.

[Kris] I can't force her to tell me

what's wrong...

-Why don't you just ask her? -I tried.

Obviously, she doesn't want to tell you right now,

maybe she's a little afraid, you know, scared.

Well, exactly. And that's why I brought all of you here together

-because if she is afraid... -Wouldn't that freak her out?

-...we need to let her know... -[door opens]

-Oh, my God. -[Khlo�] Hello!

-Hey, Khlo�! -Oh, my God. What's going on here?

-[woman] Here she is. -[Khlo�] What's happening?

-[Malika] Hi, pretty! -Malika, why are you here?

Khlo�, I've asked everybody to come over today

because I really feel like you've been hiding something from me

-and this is really hard for me to say... -[Khlo�] Is this a joke?

-...but I want you to know... -What is this? An intervention?

-I'm more than lost. -No, we're here to tell you

-...that it's OK for you... -[Khlo�] What's going on?

...to tell me if you're sick.

Like mentally sick? Like what?

-No, Khlo�, not mentally sick. -What are you guys talking about?

[Kris] I know you've been to the doctor,

you wouldn't tell me about your biopsy that you got.

-Khlo�, you can tell me. -Kim!

First of all, you guys are all freaking nuts

and I'm so sorry all you guys had to come out here.

Are you like this menopausal that you just need something to do

to put all your energy to?

[Kris] What about the meeting we were supposed to have?

You don't show up and Kourtney said you didn't come home the night before.

-What was that all about? -Who cares?

-Explain that. -I was at a boy's house!

-Why do you care? -[woman] A boy?

-[Kris] A boy's house? -[woman] Yay!

I got a guy!

This is ridiculous. This is the time that we need to be concerned about Kris.

-Are you not sick? -[Khlo�] No, I'm not.

You knew I was dating someone, you let people come here

and you didn't feel that you need to say anything?

I had no idea I was gonna see all of these people.

And I didn't think you wanted me to tell them your business like that.

Khlo�, Malika knows and I don't?

-What about us? I want to... -I would rather have you guys meet them

-than this one. -[MJ] I know, bring him down.

[Kris] She gets to meet him and I don't get to meet him?

'Cause you're a nightmare

when it comes to meeting boys.

You're like, "When are you getting married, how many kids..."

"The house is gonna be right next door to mine."

Am I that bad?

Kris can meet the guy I'm dating after my honeymoon.

-[Kris] My God... -Mom, no, you don't deserve a hug.

Seriously, someone, the next intervention is for her.

We're gonna admit her.

[MJ] We're just glad you're all right.

[***]

Thank you. I'm excited to meet Rashad. Are you?

Yeah, I'm excited to meet Khlo�'s new man. What do you think he's gonna be like?

I don't know.

I cannot believe that Khlo� and I live together

and she's kept this a secret from me.

I am so excited to meet Rashad.

But I feel like she must like him, she never introduces us to anyone.

-Yeah, she is on the low. -Like ever, she won't even mention them.

-Here they are. -[Khlo�] Hi, guys!

-[Kourtney] Hey! -What's up?

[Scott] What's going on?

-Hi! -Hello.

It's so nerve-racking to introduce the guy I'm dating to everyone.

[Khlo�] Rob-dawg!

I... Wait, you're being real, right?

-Very. -See, I told you.

Khlo�! Kim.

I'm actually having a really good time and no one's really hassling me.

Hi, guys!

Who's this lucky man?

-Oh, Rashad, Kim. -Hi!

How you doing? Nice to meet you.

[indistinct chatter]

Rashad plays for the Minnesota Timberwolves,

and he seems like a really nice guy.

But I'm definitely gonna step in and make sure that this guy

does not take advantage of my sister and treats her really good.

All I'm telling you, Rashad, is if you hurt my sister...

-You're gonna kill me? -I will hurt you.

-Do you understand me? -Do you want the fork and knife?

-I don't want you to stab me, but... -Buddy old pal, do you understand me?

I do, I do, I do.

The pressure of dating freaks me the [bleep] out,

that's why it's private and this is stressing me out even more.

-I like it, that feels good. -We're gonna be good friends then.

Ahh...

[Khlo�] Next on Keeping Up with the Kardashians...

You can't not go to Reggie's first game.

Reggie is gonna have to understand that I need to focus on my career right now.

[Reggie] Really, really not cool.

Hello?

My publicist Beth offered me this amazing opportunity to go to New York

and host a fashion show.

-I'm going to move to New York. -You're not going to New York!