Original subtitles

[music playing]

-[Kendall] Dad! -[Kylie] Dad!

-[Bruce] What? -The fries are burnt!

-[Kris] Oh, my God, calm down. -Well, Mom put them in there.

[Kris] Oh, my God, sorry.

Your boobs look kind of suffocated.

Are they squished?

[Kris] Oh!

[Bruce] Honey, what are you doing?

Making some French fries.

Are you always dressed like that when you're making French fries?

[Kris] We're going out to dinner.

What do you mean, we're going out to dinner? I'm watching a game.

We're going out to dinner with the Catzes.

I thought we had the night off, the game is on.

-That was a bad throw. -I wanted to watch the game.

Take me out to dinner, I'm begging.

Every time we go out, Bruce makes it feel like so much work,

and it just brings me down.

-Dinner is not drama. -Dinner is drama.

Dinner is you get dressed, you look nice, you go out.

Let's go. Faster we go, faster we'll get back.

[Kris] Going to dinner with Grandpa, this ought to be fun.

-[camera shutters] -[Bruce] Alright, we're ready.

[Kris] No, no, no, you're right here.

The wind, you guys... Is this necessary?

Go change. Awful.

No, that is not cute.

[man] Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on.

I'm gonna need someone to make me laugh.

Where's Kim?

[Khlo�] Kim is always late.

I am here.

[Kourtney] Get out of our way!

[Kim] Stop! Jealous?

-[Bruce] Stop! -[Kris] That's enough.

Stop!

-[man 1] That's it. We're done. -[man 2] Money.

[Kourtney] Mom, do you like either of these shoes?

-[Kris] Those. -But... And not these, right?

944 magazine is throwing me a party to honor my first magazine cover.

[Adrienne] Bruce, what if you really start feelin' it?

What if, when T.I. hits that stage...

Who's T.I.?

-A rapper that's performing. -AKA Tip.

[Bruce] Oh, this is gonna be really exciting.

-Yeah. -[Bruce] I'm looking forward to this.

Don't wanna go, I know what it's going to be like when I get there.

It's just stupid people talking, nothing is going to get... happen.

And it's just like a waste of my time.

[Bruce] Honey, how are we getting there? Are you going with them?

No, I will go with you, we're going in this car.

-What car? -They have a car for us.

Oh, I just assumed I'd drive myself.

I'll go in the car, you drive yourself.

[Bruce] Yeah. What do you want two cars for?

'Cause they sent it for us.

We can actually drive.

-Well, we're gonna take a car. -[Bruce] Why would we sit in a car?

-'Cause gas is expensive. -[Bruce] "Gas is expensive"?

So are those earrings you're wearing, honey. Heh.

You could buy a lot of gas.

-[indistinct chatter] -[cameras clicking]

Kourtney is hosting a big 944 magazine party

cause she is the new cover girl,

and of course, when one of us is doing something that's really important,

we all go and support.

So tonight is Kourtney's night.

-[indistinct] -Hi!

Ella!

Hey, I'm Perez.

I don't know whether to hug you or you kill you.

Every time we go to these parties,

everybody is having so much fun,

but I know it's just a matter of time

before Bruce is asking me to leave.

-Are you ready? Let's get out of here. -In a minute.

-No. Let's get out now. -No.

Bruce is just a very mellow guy.

He likes to stay at home.

I think Kris is very selfish

when it comes to Bruce's needs and wants.

-Okay, I'm moving. -Okay.

-Follow me. -I'll meet you at the front door.

Yeah, right.

Wow. Hi, how are you?

I've been working with New Wave Fragrances

for about a year now,

and we're finally getting close to releasing a Kim Kardashian perfume.

I think between you and your name and your elegance and the product,

we could have something really amazing.

Two years ago, I trademarked the name 'Dashing' in fragrance...

-...because I knew... -[Kris] Waiting for this moment.

[man] That's amazing.

All we need to do now is to perfect the scent.

I just love it. Dashing by Kim Kardashian.

-[man] It has a certain ring to it. -[Kris] Yay.

-Hey, honey. -Mmm.

Honey, you're, like, you're always slurping.

Please, Kris.

Please, just don't criticize. I'm fine.

Okay, well, can I just talk to you about one thing.

-What? -[Kris] I just feel really bad.

Every time you go out with me and the kids...

-Right. -...or just me,

you are just always bored to tears.

-I am bored. -It's sad.

-It's sad that you... -A bunch of people running around,

talking about nothing.

It's like you're not with the program.

But I don't... That's not my kind of program.

[Bruce] Sometimes, it just drives me crazy.

So often, it's not her coming over to me and my life,

it's me going over into her life.

You were sitting in the chair, bored.

-I mean... -I was bored.

Boring.

[Kris] I just want you to have a good time.

[Bruce] But I have a good time doing what I want to do,

not what you want to drag me to.

Okay, well, you got a stick up your ass right now.

-I got into such a fight with Bruce. -Why?

Because, you know, I'm kind of over him

going to every single event with us

and being so bored to tears at all times.

He doesn't have to wanna go.

He's a 60-year-old man, he doesn't have to go to clubs.

All he wants to do is play with his helicopter.

I'm married to a 60-year-old man who wants to play with his toys.

-So... -Okay, well, he's married

to a 50-something-year-old woman who wants to go to events in clubs.

Bruce is like an active guy and he would rather do active stuff.

Why don't you do, you know, some Bruce stuff.

And if he sees that you're trying, than maybe he'll try.

That's a good idea. I could.

-Alright, I'm gonna do some filing. -[Kris] Got it.

I'm at the Givaudan perfumery,

where they actually create the scent that will be bottled up.

So come on back.

[Kim] Lauren, who runs Givaudan,

pulled together from our conversations

different scents that she thought that I would love.

So these are the three that they've made for you,

based on the comments, to make it a little bit stronger,

adding a little bit of the vixen elements into the velvet world.

[Kim] First, she'd come up with the juice that you feel best describes,

you know, your personality.

-I can't smell the green one as much. -[woman] We can add more musk.

Musk is very creamy and very sexy, very skin-like.

Kourtney and Khlo� are going to be so excited.

I hope that after we get my perfume, we can do one for the store.

This process with them... They will love it.

Alright, Kim. Did I put too much?

-That was perfect. -This is perfect.

[Kris] Whoo!

-Good job, everybody! -[all clapping and whooping]

-[woman] Alright! Yeah! -[whooping]

[all] Cheers!

Hey, guys!

-[Kourtney] Hi, Mom. -[Khlo�] Hey, Mom.

Guess what.

-[Kourtney] What? -I just closed a perfume deal for Kim.

-What perfume deal? -[Khlo�] With New Wave Fragrances.

[Kris] The perfume deal that she's doing

with New Wave Fragrances.

We just closed the deal.

-[Khlo�] Well, that's cool. -[Kourtney] I'm so excited.

Well, what's it called?

Her first fragrance is going to be called Dashing

-by Kim Kardashian. -[Khlo�] Excuse me?

Excuse me?

-You don't think that contradicts itself? -That's cool, right?

Having our store being called DASH

and that we were supposed to have a perfume called DASH together?

We thought the first fragrance

that Kim would come out with would be Dashing,

and then the second fragrance would be with you girls.

We've already discussed it with everybody.

-[Khlo�] Don't care. -And it's going to be DASH.

-[Khlo�] Don't care. -With the three sisters.

How the hell does that make any sense? Dashing and then DASH. Seriously?

My sisters and I have always said we're gonna do a clothing line together,

a perfume line together, a make-up line.

Everything that has to do with something

that we could incorporate into our stores.

I think when you have a chance to hear our reasoning

and what we have for the whole big picture...

How do they go two years and not mention this perfume deal?

Like, that's just shady.

When we hang up the phone, Lily says, everyday,

"Have a dashing day."

We need a commission 'cause this is our name as a trio.

-We trademarked it. -You know what, now you're going to far.

You're not getting commissioned...

-...on Kim's fragrance deal. -Well, are you? Are you?

-Of course I am, I'm her manager. -[Khlo�] Of course you are.

This was how it was supposed to be done from day one...

-[Kris] Really? -The three of us.

And now you come in the picture

and you go ahead and you get Kim her own deal first,

and then it's the three of us? [bleep] that [bleep].

Who the [bleep] is gonna want a second-hand perfume?

I disagree, and I'm usually right on with these feelings.

No, you're not.

-Yes, I am. -You're not.

-Yes, I am. -I will sue the [bleep] out of you.

[Kourtney] Suing?

-Are you insane? -No, I will sue.

-You're gonna sue... You're gonna sue me? -[Khlo�] Yes. I'm gonna sue.

-Okay, they came to us. -I'm outta here. This [bleep] sucks.

-I don't wanna have this discussion. -[Kris] You're being really unreasonable.

I don't care a flying [bleep] what I'm being. This sucks.

When Mom first told my sisters that I got a perfume deal,

they just were so pissed off.

I think that we really just need to sit down and talk about this.

What is the drama about using the name Dashing?

Because Kourtney and I work every single day at the stores

and let Kim take the credit and talk in all of her articles about DASH.

Everyone thinks DASH is only hers.

I think you guys have to stay united

and realize that anything that either one of you does

builds the whole Kardashian brand.

My sisters just really need to understand

that I need to do this perfume on my own

and then it will lead to a perfume with the three of us.

We're working to do, in my perfume deal,

our second perfume, doing a DASH perfume...

-...for the store. -[woman] That's right.

[Khlo�] I don't want charity work, people.

There's no charity work, Khlo�, this is

-a long term plan that's been discussed. -[Kim] But DASH could not get a perfume

without me doing my perfume first, and that's what you have to realize.

That's not true. If they want you, they want you.

Do you want us to ride in your coattails?

No. But are the calls coming in for you to do a perfume?

You're really shortsighted if you're going to begrudge Kim from doing this,

-and we worked too hard. -Oh, my God, get over yourself.

-I'm really sorry you feel this way. -Obviously, you leave

when you don't wanna hear what we have to say.

-Come on, Kim. We're going. -[Kourtney] My mom and Kim...

are like this dynamic duo when they get together,

and they always leave Khlo� and I out of the equation.

[Khlo�] They are so twins, it's amazing.

-[Bruce] Now, honey... -Hmm?

-These are not easy to fly. -Okay.

Kris is actually coming over

and wanting to do some of the things that I like to do.

-Oh, my God, it's a joystick. -Okay...

I've been waiting for this all my life.

No, wait, wait, wait. You have no i... You really gotta take your time.

This is just a little beginner helicopter,

but it's kinda scary to put the remote control in her hands.

-Is it gonna go up? [gasps] -[Bruce] Remember, all you...

Give it some throttle. There you go.

[Kris] Okay, I... I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Yeah! [laughs] Oh. Oh!

-Eh. Okay. Okay. -Oh, the poor... Let me do it again.

-Let me do it again. I got it. I got it. -Wait, wait, what are you doing?

-You gotta get it back out into the field. -No, no, this is great.

-[Kris exclaims] -Get out of the way. Let it down.

-Let it down! [exclaims] -[Kris] Oh, yeah!

[Bruce] Now a little bit of gas. Little more, little more!

-Little... No, too much! Too much! -[Kris laughing]

[Bruce] In the tree! Give it some gas. Give it some gas.

-[Kris] I'm crashing! -[Bruce] Wait, maybe I can get it back.

Maybe I can get it back. Give it to me!

-[Kris chuckles] -Oh, that's over.

[Kris laughing]

[Kris gasps]

Oh, it lost its little legs.

Oh-oh.

I hit somebody's car.

I'm really sorry.

I thought it was a bird.

-Oh, you broke a blade too. See? -[Kris] I did?

There is absolutely no way

she is touching any of my big helicopters,

my real expensive ones.

It's the end of her helicopter experience.

-[Kourtney] Klo! -[Khlo�] What?

Are we over this top?

You like it or no?

-Are we over it? -It's a little cha-cha-cha.

I didn't even tell Scott 'cause I could even get into it,

about Kim's doing a perfume and she's calling it Dashing.

I just can't believe that Kim thinks that's okay.

[Khlo�] Screw Kim, I can't believe Mom thinks it's okay.

Can I show you how she walked in?

"Oh, my God! Guess... Guess what I just did today?

I just signed the deal. I finalized it.

And it's done and the name is Dashing and... Okay."

-And we're like... -[Scott] So do something.

We tried.

-We were jokingly gonna sue her. -[Kourtney] We said we're gonna sue,

but how can we sue our sister?

Why don't you just make pretend you're suing her?

Either send a fake e-mail or call.

Why don't you call?

You have a guy's voice, and I know you could like...

-I do? -[Kourtney] His voice is obvious.

Yeah, but you could disguise it. I know you can do other voices.

-Kim would know our voice. -[Kourtney] Call.

[Kourtney] So we blocked Scott's number,

and Kim's gonna have no idea who's calling her.

[Kim on speaker] Hello?

[in fake accent] Yes, hi. I'm looking for Kim Kardashian.

[Kim] This is she.

[Scott] This is Patrick Bateman from Goldstein and Fuller law firm.

[Kim] Okay, how can I help you?

Well, this is regarding... is to inform you that Khlo� and Kourtney Kardashian

have filed a suit against you in regards

that you are trademarking the name Dashing

out of the ordinary into a perfume deal.

-[Kim] A subpoena from DASH to me? -Yes!

[Kim] Can I take your number and call you back?

I mean, it's Scott's voice.

He sounds ridiculous.

His accent is going in and out.

And the worst part is is that Kim is believing

-every single thing Scott says. -[Kourtney laughing]

She's shook.

-You've practiced that before. -[Kourtney laughs] Did you practice that?

Because that was... You obviously do that to people.

-I don't do much, so... -[Kourtney] Do you sit at home

-and do... prank call people? -[in New York accent] Yeah, I do, huh?

-Forget about it! -[Kourtney] Forget about it, eh?

How you doin'? This is Paulie Franknuts. I got a subpoena after you, huh?

-[phone ringing] -[Kourtney] This is Mom. Hello?

[Kris on speaker] Wanna tell me what's going on?

-[Khlo�] What? -Whoa.

[Kris] I got a call from your sister Kim,

who says she got a call from an attorney

and you're going to sue your sister?

-You better explain right now. -[Kourtney] Okaaay.

It was a joke, you psychotic [bleep].

Talk to my lawyer.

[Kris] What are you talking about, Kourtney?

Hi. I'm gonna speak on behalf of Kourtney Kardashian.

This is Patrick Bateman from Goldstein and Fuller attorney's offices.

-Is this Kris Jenner? -[Kris] Scott, this is not funny.

You started this.

So until you give up your 20 percent and give Kourtney and I ten, [bleep] off.

Ta-ta!

You gotta help me with the bike. You gotta get the back end.

I'll get the front end. It's so long.

The one thing I enjoy about mountain biking... the peacefulness.

Out there with Mother Nature.

-[bike bell rings] -Come on, let's go.

Years ago, Kris had this beautiful tandem mountain bike made.

She's been on it maybe twice. She loves working out.

This could be pretty good. This might work out.

[Bruce straining] Up this hill! Up this hill!

Come on! [grunts] We're not... [bleep].

[Kris] I told you my feet were gonna get stuck.

-Alright, let's get a little speed going. -[bell rings]

[Kris] I don't wanna get speed. You're scaring me, stop it.

You're going too fast. You're going too fast.

I'm feeling uncomfortable. And my ass hurts.

This cannot be going any worse.

Instead of making my husband's day more enjoyable,

I actually made it worse.

-[Kris] You know what... -Once we get to the top,

just the view will be worth it.

The only view I've had all day is of your ass.

-But it's a cute ass, isn't it, honey? -[bell rings]

Hey, sweetie, what are you doing?

-Stuff. -[Kris] Are you ready for bed?

-Yeah. -How was your day at school?

[exhales] It was good. Hectic.

-[Kris] Hectic? -What does that mean? [chuckles]

[Kris] It means that you had a really crazy day.

Hectic. Hectic it is.

Trying to bond with Bruce has been really a failure today, so...

I know where to go when I need a little silliness in my life.

How was your day, Madre?

Well, it was alright.

Just kind of, a little confused

because I think that Daddy

doesn't think I can do things that he likes to do.

Father likes motorcycles.

Motorcycle plus hot momma

plus Bruce equals...

[whispers] Chemistry.

You know, Kylie makes a good point,

because when Bruce and I were first married,

he bought me a Harley Sportster.

We used to have so much fun.

You are brilliant!

Hey, guys.

-[woman] Um... -Wanna see my new perfume bottles?

If Kourtney and Khlo� think that prank calling me is funny,

then two can play this game.

[Kim] I wanted to put these out here and do little testers.

I pretty much got the final scent,

but I want to test it out with our customers.

-[woman] Mm-hmm. -[Kourtney] Kim...

can you not come into our store

and start placing things on the counter?

-[Kim] Your store? -We just cleaned our store

and put our counter...

-[Kim] Okay, this is my store too. -We don't want [bleep] on the counter.

[Kim] There's not gonna be a bunch of [bleep].

There's gonna be a few samples.

-[Kourtney] For what? -[Khlo�] This is samples sale, Kimberly.

'Cause I want to test out my new perfume.

We have candles...

-Your perfume with our name? -Yeah, but this is not a samples sale.

-[Kourtney] Clearly stealing our name! -I'm not stealing your name.

-[Khlo�] Yes, you are. DASH? -I'm not stealing your name.

-[Khlo�] Are you joking? -I trademarked it two years ago.

You've been keeping this a secret for two years from us,

-and telling us about your... -[Kim] We're not triplets.

We're not joined at the hip. I'm allowed to do whatever I want.

-You guys are not good businesswomen. -[Khlo�] You're gonna ask us to sit here...

You don't know anything about business.

Why are you in business with us then?

You know what? You're right. You are so right.

I'm gonna talk to Mom and talk to our attorneys

-and get out of our partnership... -[Khlo�] Aw! Talk to your selfish mom.

...because there's no reason why we have to be in business together.

-[Khlo�] Ta-ta! -It's not worth it.

-[Khlo�] See you later. -You guys don't get business.

You'll miss us later, honey, when no else will do your dirty work.

[Kris] This perfume battle has gotten so out of hand

that I think I need to bring the girls together

to have a meeting face to face.

So I've invited them all to lunch,

and they don't know each other's coming, so...

this ought to be interesting.

We have another guest.

-Hey, Kim. Come on in. -[Kim stammers]

Alright, listen, you guys, I have a plan.

I'm really sick and tired of you guys behaving the way you've been behaving.

I can't take it any more. I'm not gonna be a referee.

My mom tries to trap us in a room

so we can all be forced to talk.

Like, I have nothing to say to Kim right now.

[Kris] We're not making a lot of headway here.

You guys need to be maybe a little bit more mature

and work it out.

[Khlo�] I don't give a [bleep]!

I don't know anything.

All I know is, someone comes into my store

really energetic. [gasps] "We just got a perfume done with...

for Kim Kardashian Dashing!"

What do you want me to do? Jump from [bleep] joy? For what?

You know, some days, so much happens in a day,

that I can barely keep up with myself.

You know, and I...

[voice breaking] I just want you guys to be proud of me. I really do.

-Mom, we are proud of you. -[Kris] I just don't think like you are.

Every time I try to do something...

I feel like one of you is getting mad at me.

I am not mad at you. I feel like you're our mom, just doing all you...

Are you...

Kourtney, are... [gasps]

I am shocked that Kourtney just starts crying.

I, like, never see Kourtney cry.

[Khlo�] It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

I really do appreciate my mom

and whenever I see my mom cry, it just makes me sad.

I just think this wasn't really explained to us.

If you guys would've came at us that way

instead of Mom racing in the store,

screaming and cheering and how the name is Dashing.

That was the first we'd heard of it.

Yeah, that makes sense.

I... I definitively think both of us,

you know, should've communicated better.

All of us should've communicated better.

I won't let that happen again.

I'll keep you in the loop. I feel really bad.

I want our family to stay tight-knit.

I don't want anything to pull us apart. Let's all do our best.

I really don't think this fight was about perfume,

I think this fight was about

the connection that my sisters and I have.

-I love you. -[Khlo�] Love you too.

[Khlo�] I admit that I might've reacted

a little too quickly to Kim's perfume deal.

But I do know that Kim and my mom have my best interest at heart.

-[Khlo�] Are you okay? -Yes, I don't like when people cry.

Boo-hoo.

[phone ringing]

-[Bruce] Hello? -[Kris over phone] Hey, honey.

Hey, babe. How you doing?

[Kris] Do you remember that place on Mulholland Highway

that we loved so much?

[reluctantly] Yeah...

[Kris] Can you meet me here?

This woman is up to something and I don't know what it is.

Alright, I'll meet you up there.

Alright, love you! See you in a little bit then. Bye.

[Kris] Hey, honey.

[Kris] I used to ride motorcycles back in the day,

and now I just need to remind Bruce

that I can really shake it up when I want to.

I'm gonna throw you in the back,

and now you can ride on the back when I'm driving.

[Bruce] Every relationship develops throughout the years.

I got my thing and she's got her thing.

We meet in the middle.

I found something that I love to do that you love to do.

So we can do this together.

I'll take you for the ride of your life. [chuckles]

-Here we go. -[Bruce] That helmet [bleep].

[Bruce chuckles]

I just can't...

[Kris] Here we go!

[Kris whooping]

[Kris] This is so great.

And I don't know what I was ever worried about.

Bruce and I still know how to have some fun.

-[Kris] This is a big turn. -[Bruce] You're going too fast.

[Kris] I'm not going too fast. -[Bruce] Break, break, break.

[Kris] Yeow!

[Khlo�] Next on Keeping Up With the Kardashians...

I am adopted!

Khlo� needs a DNA test.

-Yes, let's... -[Kourtney] Khlo� needs a DNA test!

Khlo�, what are you doing?

[Rob] I'm not a stranger to tattoos.

I've always been wanting to get another one.

-[Khlo�] Oh, my God, calm down. -[Kris] Shut up, Khlo�!

Well, you have a son with a [bleep] tattoo

the size of Alabama on his chest!

It's not okay!