Original subtitles

Hey, I'm Kim, and I'm here with Rob, Kourtney, and Khlo�,

and we're bringing you Junk in the Trunk.

We have so many fun, outrageous clips that you've never seen before.

[singing] Junk in the Trunk 'Cause Kim has junk in the trunk!

-[gasping, laughing] Kourtney... -[Khlo�] Let me see...

What... She can't even get...

[Kris] Oh, my God, it's crack city.

[Kim] No.

Anyway, we have a ton of surprises,

and we're gonna give you a sneak peek.

[all cheering]

Shut up right now and let me say my five minutes of [bleep].

Oh, my God!

[shrieking]

I wanna get just, like, a stripper or something funny.

Oh, no, no, no! No! No!

I am in need, obviously!

Mwah! Mwah!

-Who needs some help? -[both] Oh!

Seriously, shut the [bleep] up.

-[cutlery rattling] -I don't think so!

Don't go anywhere. You don't wanna miss our junk in our trunk.

-[Rob] Is that... -"In the trunk."

[both] Junk in the trunk!

[singing] Junk in the trunk!

-Holla. -We're back.

So, I'm sure you guys have picked up on how our family

-kind of disagrees... -No.

-We know how to fight. -[Kourtney squeals]

[laughing] Oh, my God.

Remember Puerto Vallarta,

and Rob was throwing that bitch fit

because he couldn't get a car at 16?

Oh, you little bitch.

-Mom. -[Khlo�] I hope so.

What?

[Rob] Like, I was thinking, I wanna get a Maybach.

[Kourtney] No way. He just got his car.

-[all talking indistinctly] -You said you wanted a navy Range Rover.

-So we get you a navy Range Rover. -[Rob] You did. You did.

Rob, you seem like the biggest idiot and the biggest brat ever.

I'm not gonna listen to you guys yell at me...

-[Khlo�] No, because you're an idiot. -And when you say I'm spoiled,

-when you guys... -Stop. You are spoiled.

[Kourtney] Spoiled!

No. Shut up right now and let me say my five minutes of [bleep].

-[Khlo�] OK, five minutes. -[Kourtney] Five seconds.

You got a car when you were 16, you got a car when you were 16,

and you got a car when you were 16.

-I didn't get any car until I was 20. -[Kris] Boo-hoo.

And I was two years into college.

I got into a really good school,

I graduated from school with a really good GPA,

you guys didn't do any of that [bleep],

-and I did. -[girls] What?

[Kim] You're saying because I worked in Dad's office

-that Dad paid for my car? -Yes.

[Kim] I worked. You don't even have a job.

All you did was sit at a computer and go on Myspace.

-Whatever. -Myspace wasn't even back then.

-Rob, you are so... You, like... -[all shouting]

[Kim] You're being such a brat. Just because I worked for Dad...

-You don't give anyone credit. -I worked there for seven years, Rob.

-I got up every day... -[Scott] Gonna need some drinks here.

-[all shouting] -[Rob] And I would've done...

And if I was you, I would've done the same exact thing.

-[Kim] Where are you going? -[Kris] Oh, you're gonna walk away, Rob?

-[Kourtney] Are you done with us? -[Khlo�] Let him walk away.

Who the hell cares? Are you joking?

-[Kourtney] OK. -[Khlo�] Yeah, Rob.

Big winner in that fight.

Rob! Remember when you slapped Adrienne in her face?

How disrespectful was that one?

Rob!

Rob!

Robert, that is disgusting that you would ever do that.

We were just pranking Mom.

I was in on it.

Ugh.

[speaking quietly] You have to slap me hard, Rob.

I know you do not hit women,

but just think about me like if I was...

I'll say you called off the wedding. We were supposed to get married

and then you call off the wedding, you stupid bitch?

Bap!

-[Rob] Mom. -Yo, I'm so... I'm like just gonna leave.

I'm so sorry, Kris.

-[Kris] What? -[Adrienne] I'm gonna

-talk to you guys later. -What?

-[Rob] No, come back here, Adrienne. -[Kris] Adrienne...

You called off the [bleep] wedding in India?

-It's not that serious. -No.

-[Adrienne] Rob! Stop! -[Khlo�] Why are you grabbing her?

-[Rob] Cause she called off the wedding. -Don't grab her.

Rob!

[gasps]

[Adrienne] Rob!

-[Khlo�] Why are you doing this? -Robert!

[Khlo�] You don't hit girls!

[Rob] Mom, she called off the wedding.

What is your [bleep]? What is wrong with you?

-She called off the wedding. -[Khlo�] Mom, he just slapped her.

Adrienne! Oh, my God, I can't believe he just did that!

Just stay out there.

Rob, why would you do that to her? Now she's hysterical.

I can't even believe she's standing in front of you right now.

-Adrienne... -[Khlo�] Where is she going?

She doesn't have a license! She can't drive!

I'll take her someplace.

-We're just kidding, Mom. -No, you're not kidding!

-We're just kidding. -[Khlo�] This is a joke.

We were just trying to see how, if you really love her or not.

I hate all of you! Oh, my God!

-[Adrienne laughing] Sorry. -Oh, honey.

-You know, Rob, I swear... -I'd never do that.

-That was good. -[Kris] You're nuts. You're all nuts!

Good job, guys. It's a wrap.

[girls whooping]

[laughing]

That is traumatizing.

Definitely wouldn't have gotten me, though.

Nothing surprises me these days.

-[Khlo�] Nothing surprises you? -Nothing.

-Nothing surprises you? -Don't get that look on your face.

-Nothing surprises you? -Khlo�! Khlo�! [shrieking]

[laughing] I'm gonna rip your hair off!

Khlo�... Just because you're 10 times my size...

Don't take it out on me.

[both giggling]

Khlo�!

-We're going out! -Wait, don't! Khlo�!

-[grunts] -Don't start.

[both grunting]

[Bruce laughing] Wait a second.

[laughing]

[shrieking]

-[screaming] -This is sexual.

[Khlo�] Ha ha ha!

[laughing] I'm getting a rug burn.

Ow!

[laughing] I can't breathe!

Just tell me you love me.

-[laughing] I'm gonna... -Tell me you love me.

I'm gonna die.

[Kourtney] Oh, my...

-You guys, you're so annoying. -[Kourtney shrieking]

-Can you stop? -[Kourtney] Oh, my God!

-[Rob] Watch out, it's glass. -[Kim] Seriously, stop.

At least we're not boring.

-I'm not boring. -[both] OK.

[gentle music playing]

[yawning]

[yawning]

[yawning]

[yawning]

[yawning]

[Kim grunting]

[Khlo�] Come on.

[sighs]

That is so not how I am.

OK, we all just saw the tape that proves it.

Why aren't you acting like your normal self?

You need to surgically remove that stick up your ass, buddy.

[Kris] Hey, dolls.

-What are you doing? -Speaking about

-a stick up the ass... -[Bruce] Are you abusing your brother?

Khlo�. That's so inappropriate. Khlo�.

Khlo�'s always inappropriate,

just like the anniversary gift she got you guys.

-Always inappropriate. -[Bruce] Oh, that was totally...

[Khlo�] That wasn't inappropriate at all.

I was so humiliated.

-[Khlo�] Kourt! -What's up?

I'm getting... For Mom and Bruce,

-but more for Mom, I would hope. -[Kourtney] Ooh!

I wanna get... Just, like, a stripper or something funny.

But I can't decide. I'm kind of looking at a couple.

Wait, that's kind of like an Olympian pose.

[Khlo�] I mean, he has a body like Bruce used to have.

-[laughing] -[Kourtney] Nuh-uh.

-It's a possibility. -Look at his cute eyes.

[Khlo�] He does have cool eyes, really blue eyes,

to match the blue hat covering his nuts.

[Kourtney] He's the winner.

Mr. Rock Hard Bod.

You are our winner.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

Yay!

[Kris] Thanks, guys.

[Khlo�] Hello, my turn.

I would just like to say,

this is my present.

To Mom and Bruce.

-Hello. -Hello.

[Khlo�] I wanna show you what he does for me

on a nightly occurrence.

-Oh, I... -[Khlo�] Yeah!

[crowd cheering]

Oh, honey!

Wait a minute. [laughing]

Oh, my God. Randy!

-[Rob laughing] Oh, my God. -[laughing] Why do I... No!

Ew! Ew.

-[woman shrieking] -[Kris] Ew! No.

Oh, my.

-[Bruce] Come on, honey. -[Kris] No, no, no, no.

[crowd shouting]

No, no, no, no! No! No!

[crowd whooping]

No, no, no, no!

Who was that stripper? Like, who was that?

Well, it wasn't the picture I got. He looked different.

That was insane.

Like, is it like Myspace where you pretend you're someone else?

There should be a stripper company. That's so embarrassing.

-[Khlo�] I thought he was really cute. -[Robin] So where'd you find him?

He's right there, just in case you wanna know.

He's still here. He's trapped back there.

-[record scratching] -[hip-hop music playing]

[car horn honking]

-Who's here? -[Khlo�] Oh, my God, there's five cars.

-[Khlo�] Kim, who is that? -[Kris] Oh, Kim...

-Who are these people? -[Khlo�] No idea.

[Kris] They're all really nice cars. Are they Bentleys?

Hey, how's it going?

-[man] What's up, my name is Realist. -Hi, Realist.

I stay up the street and I heard my homegirl Kim stays here

and if it is, I'm just trying to come

and kick it and let us know I'm her neighbor.

Oh... Well, welcome to the hood.

-[all chuckling] -[Kris] Come on in!

I have some milk and cookies.

-[man] Cookies! -[all talking indistinctly]

[Bruce] Real cookies, they're not funny cookies.

You boys like milk and cookies?

Would you like some?

Turnt! [bleep]

Oh, my God, you guys, I've got new dishes.

Aren't they cute?

I have some potato chips and dip.

[man] June Cleaver!

[Kris] Grab that if you want and put it on the table.

Thanks for the help, Khlo�!

[man 2] What's up with the mean faces, lady?

[Kris] I know. She's a little bit of a hater.

So what is it that you guys exactly do?

[man] Make music.

-[Kris] What kind of music? -[man 3] Rap.

Rap. Hip-hop.

[Khlo�] Do you guys have any that we could put on in the house?

-[Kris] Could I rap? -Yeah.

[hip-hop music playing on stereo]

-Oh! Oh! -[all cheering]

Everybody got them thangs on.

This ain't no Luther Vandross.

-[Khlo�] Go, Mom! Go, Mom! -That wasn't embarrassing at all.

[Bruce] My wife. DJ...

Mom, you brought milk and cookies.

"Embarrassing" is all I gotta say.

Embarrassant�.

[laughing] Up next is Kris's embarrassing moments.

[laughing]

[Khlo�] Yes, imitate Mom harder.

You guys are picking on me all the time.

It's wrong.

The most annoying children I've ever met in...

[rattling louder]

[shouting] In my entire life! Cut it out!

-[Kris] Did somebody take my underwear? -[Kourtney] I did.

I put them on, cause mine, um...

I peed on accident.

I'm just feeling this. Like...

[rapping] My back is aching My belt's too tight

My hips are shaking From the left to the right

-To the left... -[Khlo�] Mom.

-To the right -Mom.

[Kourtney] Oh, my God. Literally...

-[Kim] I'm humiliated. -I need to run out.

Like, I'm humiliated.

You're basically a [bleep] psycho and you're full of mood swings.

All right, we got the hormone patches over here.

Don't touch it! Cause you have to put it on a fatty part of your body.

Anywhere!

Ow!

These need to be right here.

Thank you. Bye.

[Khlo� mocking] Thank you.

I don't do that right, either?

You're shaking like a Chihuahua.

-You're talking like this... -[Bruce] Like Dolce.

-No. -Yeah.

-No! -Yeah!

Kylie! Join us!

[singing high note]

-No! -[Kylie and Khlo�] Yeah!

-No! -[Kylie and Khlo�] Yeah!

[high pitched singing continues]

I don't think so!

You know what, you guys? When you gang up on me like this,

Khlo� is not your mother.

Khlo� is my mother.

Mom. What is all over your face?

If you continue to beat somebody down all the time

and tell them all the things that are wrong with them,

they're never gonna feel good about themselves.

Why do you think I drink?

You're so right.

Aww, you poor little thing.

Thank you, honey.

You girls are picking on her all the time.

-[girls protesting] -It's not fair.

Don't be mean.

You really need to calm down and relax.

Calm down? I'm not calm downing and relaxing.

I'm the authority in this family.

-[Kris] You are? -Yeah.

OK, Bruce.

-Shocking. -Shocking!

-Isn't it shocking? -Shocking!

-I'm gonna feed Bella. -[Bruce] Well, not right now.

-I have to. -Not right now. No, Kendall.

You sit down and eat.

-[Kendall] I have to. -No. When you are done eating,

then you can feed the dog.

Kendall, don't open it up. I...

-It's her dinner time. -[Bruce] Sit down.

Kendall, I'm not fooling around.

Don't you dare run away from me. So help me, I will give you a spanking.

Sit down there. Kendall!

-[Kendall] I need to... -Sit down!

[Bruce] Khlo�, come on, we're working out.

Just... Go. Go.

Leave.

Get the stick out of your ass, dude.

You're her mother. Tell her no.

[Kris] I just don't want him to get upset one more time.

-Cranky old man. -How about a little control around here?

Hey, Scrooge.

[Bruce] Get off that car.

-Get off that car. -[car engine starting]

Get off that car.

[Khlo�] Run!

Those girls totally remind me of us when we were little.

-They do. -[Bruce] Now wait a second.

Those are two of the most well-behaved,

-well-disciplined and well-parented... -[all] OK.

[Bruce] ...kids I've ever seen in my life.

Delusional.

-They're gonna be perfect children. -You have no idea.

Wanna see what happens when you're not there?

[phone ringing]

You know what, you're picking the wrong number,

-so take a chill pill. -[giggling]

Stop.

[Khlo�] And relax...

You guys, stop it.

She hit me first!

[inhales deeply] Mom!

-[Brody] Oh! [groaning] -[giggling]

[car engine starting]

Woo!

-I don't think that's a good... -[car horn honks]

We're gonna have two cocktails on the rocks.

Make 'em strong, Derek.

[giggling]

Two cocktails, coming up.

Look at my little sisters. Look at them.

[snorts] They're insane.

Oh, God, Kendall!

Stop! Ow!

Ow! [laughing]

Ow!

-Yo! -Stop.

Stop! Don't pee on me!

Ow.

Stop!

-Pusher. -[groans]

-You. -Stop!

-Chill, OK? -Ow.

That scares me.

-[Kris] That freaked me out. -It should, bitch.

You know, the one thing that bothers me the most

is the language.

-Oh, God. -OK?

-[all talking] -It's so disappointing. Especially you.

You!

Oh, [bleep] you, you [bleep].

[bleep] you, [bleep] you and [bleep] you!

[bleep]

-[chuckling] -[Bruce] That was so bad.

-You [bleep], I can't believe [bleep]... -[all chuckling]

...that came of your mouth. Did you hear me?

-Yeah! -I got bleeped! Yay!

[all cheering]

[Bruce] I apologize to everybody.

That's my mission, is to clean your mouth up.

If you think that's disgusting,

you have no idea what I had to experience with this girl.

The disgusting scent coming out of her body.

-You guys were there. -[all chuckling]

-I gave birth to her. -[Bruce] Stop!

Be respectful.

[Khlo�] Oh, my God, does my hair really smell?

-[sniffing] Oh, my God. -Does it smell bad?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, it smells like B.O.

Khlo� tells me that she's been using this horse shampoo

that she thinks will make her hair really thick and great,

and I think it just makes it smell disgusting.

You guys really need to wash my hair. I'm not joking.

[Kourtney] No, I'm not washing your hair.

-You just took a shower... -Please! I'm in need, obviously.

-[grunting] -[all laughing]

-[laughs] -Are you joking?

Wait, that's good?

[laughing] Hallelujah.

You never know what to expect from Khlo�.

She's definitely the free spirit of the family.

[in high-pitched warble] You.

-[Kourtney] You have the greatest voice. -[warbling] I heart you.

OK, you... Khlo�...

Maybe you shouldn't even come in the morning.

Ooh!

[Khlo� in grunting voice] I need a pap smear.

Look, Kimmy. It's my vagina.

Seriously, shut the [bleep] up and let me tell you my story.

Don't be a [bleep].

[Khlo�] Oh, [bleep] a duck.

I'm not OK. I need a [bleep] Xanax, I need something.

This is [bleep].

You psychotic freak.

Get the [bleep] out.

-Let's go. -Hi!

Oh, mwah, mwah!

-Mwah! Mwah! -OK. Khlo�.

-Khlo�, we gotta go. -[laughing]

-Hi. -[man] Hello. How are you?

-What's your name? -Shorty.

Shorty, I'm Khlo�.

[Khlo�] Shorty needs a shower,

and my mom told me to do whatever I needed to to help him.

So I'm gonna use her shower.

I wonder how he's doing.

-Oh, we know. -We know how Shorty's doing.

-[Kris] Oh, how's Shorty? -That's our little surprise for you guys.

You get to see how he's doing.

-No way. -Wow.

Oh, good. I hope he's doing well.

Excuse me! Have you seen this man?

[Khlo�] We heard Shorty lives around Hollywood and Highland.

We don't know which way he is right now, though.

Have you seen Shorty?

-Shorty? -Shorty.

-Shorty? -[gasps] Shorty!

[Kourtney] Oh, my gosh!

We've been looking for you everywhere.

-Wait, you look like you've lost weight. -Hi, Shorty.

I'm always a hard man to find.

-Is that how you like it? -Look, Shorty, look!

We've been looking for you.

Are you gonna show us around?

Look how cool that is in there.

-[Shorty] This is the girls. -[girls] Hi.

They're out there looking for me.

[Khlo�] It's gonna be amazing.

[camera shutter clicks]

When does it go?

[Kim] To Shorty.

You better keep my picture.

Bye, Shorty.

-Hugs! -"Hug" ain't the word.

But you know. You just gave in.

[singing] Shorty is a 10...

Shorty. I'm glad to see he's doing OK.

Wait. What you guys couldn't see is the best part

-of the entire Shorty excursion. [laughs] -What?

Kourtney falling on Hollywood and Highland.

-[Bruce] No way. -[Kim] So funny.

-Who knows. -I feel like this is so...

-[screams] -[Khlo�] Oh, my God!

[Khlo� laughs] Are you OK?

-[Kourtney laughing] -Are you OK?

[Shorty] Now don't you hurt yourself.

[tape rewinding]

-I feel like this is so... -[screams]

[slowed-down audio playing]

[laughs] Way to go, Kourtney.

Oh, thanks, I worked hard on that.

Oh, it was very good.

-Embarrassing. -And it was like, a year ago.

You should not be talking. All you and Scott do

is make out all day long.

-Khlo�! -Jealous.

-I'm jealous cause I'm not humping Scott? -Jealous.

[romantic music playing]

[Khlo�] Kourtney and Scott, stop making out!

Come to me, my jungle friend.

-Oh, my God. -[laughing] Oh, my God.

I'm gonna barf.

[Scott] We wanted to know if we had your blessing

on waiting about the pre-marital sex.

Not pregnant.

Let's go home and keep practicing not getting pregnant.

-You're not a slore. -Duh.

[Scott] Let's go and pretend you are for a little bit, though.

-[laughing] -Come on.

Yeah. What happened to you last night?

We had a little...

night in the Jacuzzi.

[Khlo�] Ew!

Now none of us can go in that Jacuzzi for the rest of the trip.

I'm happy making it and breaking it. Ya heard?

Oh, my God.

I love you so much.

[chuckles]

[in funny voice] Who the hell... Oh, you're touching me real nice.

'Bout to take you away to the bedroom... Why am I talking like that?

-Khlo, gotta run, love ya. -Oh, my God!

[Scott] You're gonna get it now.

I have no one to talk to anymore.

-You guys need to get a room. -You do.

-[Rob] Yeah. -OK, "get a room"?

Let's talk about you getting costumed, shall we?

Oh, you are the queen of dressing up.

I love it! It's dress-up.

[Kim] Oh, my gosh. It's like Halloween every day in here.

-[clerk] It is. .-We're shopping for...

Kim's boyfriend is injured, so she wants a nurse's outfit.

-[laughing] -Oh, that will make him feel better.

Khlo�, Reggie is gonna die. I'm gonna take such good care of him.

Who needs some help?

-[Khlo�] Reggie. -Doctor, doctor.

[Khlo�] You need stripper shoes when you look like a stripper.

-[Kim] Really? -[both] Yes!

[Kourtney] You look so cute.

Oh! [laughing]

[laughing] I went to school with nuns. I'll whip you with this whip.

I'm gonna be Major Trouble.

-[Khlo�] That is amazing. -[laughing]

[camera shutter clicking]

That's really hot, Kim.

So, did the Bush like the outfits?

That's private between us.

-Oh, shut up! -[all] Aww!

[Kim] Khlo�, what do you think?

-Sure. -Did the Bush like the tush or not?

The Bush loves the tush.

[all chuckle]

-Khlo�. -What?

-I have a big surprise for you. -What?

-I've got it hidden away. -What is it?

The guy that you made out with

-in acting class... -Yeah?

Action.

Where were you? You were supposed to call.

I waited.

This is not a cop show. I don't need to answer this.

[coach] Get in there. Come on, Khlo�, get in there!

You never hugged me, babe.

Oh, my God.

[howling]

[cheering and applause continues]

So? That was just acting.

He's a huge porn star.

[Bruce] Oh! No way!

[Kris and Rob laughing]

-So, Khlo�, your little porn star friend... -[Khlo�] No, he's not.

[Kourtney] Has been in over 180 movies...

-[Khlo� scoffs] -And I took the pleasure of writing down

-some of the titles. -I don't want to hear this. It's sick.

-"Anal Intruder"... -Oh, my God.

-"Taste Her Ass." -OK, bye.

"Juicy G-Spots"...

[Bruce] Yeah, we don't need to listen to this. Let's go.

-"Chicks and Salsa." -[Khlo�] I'm outta here.

Sorry, doll.

[screams]

[laughing]

-[screams] -We love you!

[Kim] Bye, everyone. Thanks for joining us on...

[Khlo�] Junk in your trunk.

[Khlo� whooping]