Original subtitles

So, who likes my bangs?

Oh, you are bangin'.

Get it? Bangin'?

I love myself.

Khlo�, I love this ring. Can I have it?

No, but you can borrow it.

I love it. I wanna wear it today.

When are you gonna ever have a ring on that finger?

Look, there you go!

I often think about Khlo�

and I wonder if she's lonely on the inside.

And I kind of wonder, when's Khlo� gonna meet somebody?

[Kris] Are you ever gonna be engaged?

Why don't they get engaged?

Well, I feel like you don't date.

You don't date.

I do date, but I don't...

[Kris] You're like a workaholic.

My mom always points out to me

that when she was my age,

she had kids and she was married.

I'm young, I'm having fun, leave me alone.

I just feel bad, 'cause, like,

this is the first time when, like,

I have a boyfriend, Kourt has a boyfriend,

Rob has a girlfriend, and you're, like,

-the only one out of all of us. -I feel like when we all hang out

and, like, all go bowling, it's like, the three couples and you.

If it bothers you guys so much, I won't go with you.

[Kim] Khlo� loves to be by herself,

she loves to just have no one that she has to answer to, and I get that,

but how could you not wanna spend your days

with someone that you love that you can share everything with?

They want you to have, like, a partner in your life,

-so you're happy and in love. -I have partners.

No, I am so happy the way I am right now,

and if you guys can't respect that,

then go away.

I don't really care.

[Bruce] All right, we're ready.

No, no, no, you're right here.

The wind, you guys... is this necessary?

Go change. Awful.

No, that is not cute.

[man] Yeah, yeah, go on!

Yeah, I need someone to make me laugh.

Where's Kim?

[Khlo�] Kim is always late.

I'm here.

[Kourtney] Get out of our way!

[Kim] Stop! Jealous?

-[Bruce] Stop! -[Kris] That's enough.

[man 1] All right, you guys.

[man 2] That's it! We're done.

[man 3] Money.

[Kim] Breakfast was nice this morning.

Yeah.

But I don't know, I just kind of feel bad that Khlo�, like, is left out.

Obviously, she hasn't found the right person, if she...

[Kourtney] Maybe, I just feel like she doesn't want to.

I can't believe that she just doesn't wanna meet someone.

I think she just obviously hasn't found the right person

and is meeting all these losers.

We should include Malika into this convo, her best friend,

that knows her secret dating habits.

See, the thing is, I think Khlo�'s still just experimenting and...

Yeah, but I don't know. I just think that we should totally,

like, set Khlo� up on a website where you meet people.

Kim, are you joking?

[Malika] That's the worst!

How funny would it be to set up Khlo� on...

an Internet dating website?

Khlo� hasn't really met anyone yet,

so why not, you know, force the situation?

We don't have to tell her. Let's just do it and see, like,

let's write what we think...

[Malika] Just say I did not know.

[Kourtney] And then, what if somebody, like,

Perez or something puts it on the front of his page?

"Khlo� Kardashian."

Who cares? Let's just set up a website for her.

Come on, we're doing this.

Let's go to Smooch, so, in case she comes back,

we're not, like, on the computer doing it.

-Are you for real? -[Kim] Yes, let's go. Who cares?

Oh, my God.

Khlo� would absolutely kill us

if she found out that we were doing this.

But whatever.

We need to get her some help.

-Khlo� is gonna kill us. -[Kim] No, she won't.

Okay, "I consider my looks attractive,

very attractive, extremely, stunningly attractive..."

Khlo� considers her stunningly attractive.

[Kim] "He should have completed."

[Kourtney] I think college.

My boyfriend, Scott, didn't go to college.

"I'm happy if he is..."

[Kim] Christian, he can only be Christian.

Scott's a Jew.

"Do you smoke?"

Never.

He should smoke "never".

Wait, everything on here that I would say, Scott does.

[Kim] So, we set Khlo� up with a profile

and it's so fun,

and Kourtney's kind of getting into it.

"About me and who I'd like."

You never know, her Prince Charming could be waiting there

and she would have missed the boat.

And so, let's just check it tomorrow.

Good boy.

Hey, Mommy.

Hey, Kenny.

Can I have $50?

$50? For what?

There's these new shoes at the mall that I really want.

You don't need any more shoes.

What kind of shoes are they?

They're, like, clear. They're really cool.

-[Kris] They're clear? -Yeah.

I'd go ask Daddy.

I can be such a pushover when it comes to money,

so I'm gonna let Bruce take care of this one

because he loves teaching the girls

life lessons about money.

Kendall...

You have to think about what you're asking for

because money doesn't grow on trees.

Yes, it does. It's paper.

[scoffs]

-Hey, Daddy. -Hey, buddy.

-[football playing on TV] -What's up?

Can I have $50?

Fifty bucks?

You know, I have no problem with givin' my kids an allowance, but,

on the other hand, they gotta do something for it.

I just don't give money away.

I'm going with my friends to the mall.

All right, I'll tell you what. I'll make a deal with you.

Let's set up a little thing for you.

-What? -To earn the money.

What is it?

All right, walkin' the dog.

How much is that worth?

We used to get, like, five dollars.

Well, make it ten. I'm feelin' generous.

-Washin' the car. -That's 20.

Interior, an additional ten.

Okay, car.

Ten bucks a day for keeping your room clean.

So, we can start adding all that sort of stuff up

and I think probably pretty quickly, you could earn your 50 bucks.

Kendall has lived a very good life her whole life

and it's time that she learns, like, the party's over with

and that she's gonna have to work.

Good luck.

Kourtney, where are you?

Are you in the back?

Hey, Kourt,

have you checked Khlo�'s website?

Hey, no, I just walked in.

-Do you wanna check it? -We have to check it.

Oh, my God!

She has 58 new winks.

We checked back the next day

and she has, like, 58 winks,

meaning that they think she's cute.

They write her a little message.

It's, like, basically a little email.

-What are we gonna say? -Oh, my God,

this guy sent his phone number.

-We need to call. -[laughs]

[Kim] Yeah, what are you gonna say?

I have no idea.

[line rings]

[man] Hello?

Hi, is Justin there?

Speaking!

Hi, um, this is Kourtney

and I'm Khlo�'s sister,

who we made a profile for.

Sure!

So we wanted to...

set you up on a secret date with Khlo�.

Oh, okay, great, great.

Kourtney and I call a few people

that we think would be really good matches for Khlo�.

What do you do?

Oh, I just work at home.

[Kourtney] Doing what?

I do computer sales.

But we realized that a few of them

really just are the biggest losers

and no one she would ever consider wasting her time on.

-You know, I'm available. -I'm sure you are.

[beeping]

[line rings]

[answering machine] Hello, you've reached James and Bill.

We're not available right now...

-James is gay. -Wait!

James is gay.

[line rings]

[man] Yello?

[laughing]

Oh, God.

We're not talking to anyone that says...

[both] Yello.

I would say 99.9%

of the guys on this website

are not it at all for Khlo�.

[woman] Hello?

Hi, is Nick there?

No. Who is this?

[record scratch]

But I think there's a couple potential guys.

We wanted to see if we could set up

a little date with Khlo�.

But something casual,

like maybe just go for coffee or something.

[man] Absolutely, casual is better for me.

[Kourtney] Thanks, Vince, baby.

All right, thanks.

So we set up a series of five-minute speed dates for Khlo�.

And now we just have to tell her.

I don't think she's gonna like it.

[laughs] Okay.

[sighs]

Ebona!

-Hi, Angel. -Hey.

-Wow, that's a lot of dogs! -Yes.

How much do you charge?

I charge $5 for a walk.

Are you serious?

-Can you walk my dog? -Oh, yes.

[Kendall] Angel works for some of our neighbors.

He's only charging me $5.

My dad's paying me ten

so I still make five bucks on this deal.

How long will you be walking her for?

I walk, like, for like an hour.

You're gonna take good care of her, right?

-Oh, yes. Very good girl. -Okay, here you go.

Thank you. We'll see you in a little bit.

Okay.

Oh, this is so nice.

I could sit back, relax, and still get paid.

-Good job, sweetie. -[dog whimpers]

Come on, sweetie.

-Hello. -We brought you a drink.

Thanks.

Did you poison it?

[Kourtney] I put Splenda just for you.

Why are you guys being so weird?

Especially you.

You're way too nice to me.

Kim did something that she needs to tell you about.

What?

You have to Bible you won't get mad.

What the [bleep] did you guys do?

Kim did something that she needs to tell you about.

What?

[both] You have to Bible that you won't get mad.

What the [bleep] did you guys do?

-You have to say Bible. -You have to Bible it.

I bible that I won't stay mad.

But I'm not gonna Bible,

because I don't know what you guys did.

[Kourtney] Okay, fair enough.

We, um, thought it would be funny...

It's just funny, so have a sense of humor

because you're the funny one, you know?

We set you up an account on, uh...

like, one of those dating service dot coms.

What? Why would you do that?

[Khlo�] I don't think it's fair

that people are forcing something

down my throat.

They really need to back off.

What was the purpose of you guys doing this?

-[Kim] No because... -[Kourtney] Kim is

a hopeless romantic.

Kim's all about thinking that we're gonna be planning

your wedding next year from this dating service...

[Kim] Khlo�, when can you ever say

in your life that you got setup online

and, like, this is safe.

Wait, did you say this is safe?

Because we're going.

Kimberly, you couldn't protect me

from a damn spider, okay?

-You're terrified. -[Kourtney] I could.

-Kourtney. -I have, like,

a high kicking radius.

And Klo, we're going to, like,

an open place.

What do you want...

What do you expect those people to say?

[Kourtney] Okay, just give me a little shake

that you're gonna do it

and let's carry on with our day.

[laughs]

I just want to know, like...

Just touch my hand. I need it.

Khlo�, what have you got to lose?

My dignity and pride!

If I grab your boob that means you're doing it.

[laughs loudly]

Fine, Kourtney, I'll do it!

I'll do it with you! I'll do it!

[Khlo�] I want to go and do this for them.

But seriously, after all these dates,

they really need to back off.

-Ooh, baby, how I like it! -Khlo�!

[panting]

-Okay, here's Ebona. -Hi, thank you.

Here's your money.

Okay, thank you very much.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Wait, do you do anything else besides walk dogs?

-Yes. -Come in.

The guy that I hire to walk Ebona,

he also does dishes, washes cars.

We can do my bedroom now.

How about another $5?

I'm gonna hire him to do all my chores at a lower rate.

Okay, Kendall, I'm done with your bedroom.

You're done?

Um, here's your money.

But you're still coming back tomorrow, right?

For walking Ebona? Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.

-Okay, see you. Thank you. -Thank you.

[Khlo�] I can't believe you guys are making me do this.

[Khlo�] Kourt and Kim set me up on all these Internet dates.

Kind of a form of speed dating.

So, you keep this in your bag.

It's a baby monitor.

Kourtney and Kim will be sitting in my car,

spying on me with electronics.

They could hear what's going on,

and technically be on my date with me.

Then, Kim and I each have binoculars,

so we are gonna be watching.

[Khlo�] How are people gonna know who I am?

Because I told them you're wearing a plaid jacket.

That's why I picked it up for you this morning, bi-a-tch.

-Okay. -Over and out.

Enjoy yourself, bi-a-tch.

Date number one on the way.

Hi, what's up? Are you Khlo�?

Yeah, hi.

-How are you doing? -Hi, what's your name?

-Justin. -Justin.

-Yes. -Hi, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you as well.

He kind of has rabbit teeth.

Tell me something interesting.

Tell you something interesting?

Um...

I realized when you go to pool parties,

there's a huge difference

if you pee into a pool

or pee in a pool.

Wait, what?

-Hi, are you Khlo�? -Yeah.

-Hi, I'm James. -Hi James, nice to meet you.

-Nice meeting you. -Do you have kids?

All I have right now is a turtle.

If you saw the pic, he looks nothing

like what he looks like.

It's a, um,

rat trap for them hoes?

-Yeah, for them hoes. -For them rats?

Oh, my God.

So you're on this website, eh?

[Khlo�] My sisters put me on it. Why are you on it?

Just to, I don't know, pump some chicks.

Pump some chicks?

Do you have girls that you're dating right now?

-Yes. -How many?

[Khlo�] Are you like some kind of weird freak?

So, are you really Kim Kardashian's sister?

Uh-huh.

Does she really have butt implants?

Get out of here

with your butt implant question and get out!

-Did I ruin it? -Yeah.

-All right. Nice meeting you. -Thank you.

-Sorry. -Ugh.

Kourt, this is like [bleep].

I'm so over the [bleep].

One more date and you're done.

No, I'm done now.

Okay, I've done it Kim and Kourtney's way,

but now, they really have to stop.

[laughing]

Kourtney, swear to God, I can't do any more.

It's [bleep] up.

[Khlo�] The dates sucked ass.

I'd never want to go on another setup date again.

And I hope Kourtney and Kim leave me alone.

[door bell rings]

-Hey, Mom. -Hey, what's going on?

What are you doing here?

Well, I came to find out what's going on with Khlo�.

How are the dates?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, what?

-What's going on? -They were so funny.

Where is she?

[Kim] She's upstairs in her room and she does not want to come out.

[Kris] Is she mad at you guys?

I don't know. I think so.

Khlo�'s definitely mad at us.

We get home and she completely just locks herself up in the room.

We over stepped our boundaries a little bit.

You feel bad because she doesn't have a significant other.

You know?

I think she feels bad that she doesn't have a significant other.

No, she's also, what?

-23 years old. It's fine. -[Kris] She's 23 years old.

When I was 23 years old, I had a baby already.

Kendall, I'm going for a bike ride.

-Okay. -Oh, Bella.

Daddy, no!

I'll be back, okay. I'll be back a little bit.

Love you.

That was gross, wasn't it?

[door knocks]

Hi, Angel.

I was thinking we could do the car today.

[Angel] Okay.

Oh!

[cash register dings]

Okay, I think we should do...

that window, 'cause Ebona,

she has muddy feet, so we'll want to clean that.

I'll be in my room.

Come here, puppy. Come here.

Angel?

I walk in and see Angel.

The guy who walks the dogs for everybody in the neighborhood,

inside my house,

cleaning windows.

Kendall hired me to do some things.

-Kendall? -Yes.

-My daughter Kendall? -Yes.

Is she paying you?

Yes, she pay me.

-No way? -Yeah.

-She did. -All right, keep going.

Kendall has contracted out

her jobs to Angel.

Nice guy, but he's not supposed to be doing 'em.

I got to get to the bottom of this.

[Bruce] Hey, buddy.

Good job.

Car looks great.

-I know. -I know.

Nice and clean.

Dog looks happy. You walked the dog?

Uh-huh, and I did the dishes.

You did the dishes, too.

That's great. All by yourself?

-Yep. -Really?

So how much do I owe you?

Fifty dollars.

All right, I got 20, 20, 40, 50 bucks.

Here you go.

Good job. Job well done.

I can't believe it.

I think she's trying to pull one over on me.

These kids, you got to watch 'em.

-Thank you. -No...

Because I want to know what's going on before you get this 50 bucks?

Angel is out there doing your work.

Why is Angel doing it?

I hired him.

You hired him? Really?

Now, wasn't the assignment for you to make the money?

That means you have to work.

I appreciate your entrepreneurial skills, but you know what?

I don't think I deserve to give you this money,

because you didn't do the work.

But the thing is, it's not fair

that you stick this guy with 20 bucks.

You're gonna have to give him the $20.

Kendall has to realize, to get paid, she's gonna have to do the work.

Not her...you know, her employee.

She's really gonna have to go to work now.

[laughs] I think this is gonna be fun.

Ew.

Did you get it?

I'll tell you what, Kendall,

I'll give you an extra quarter

for each piece of poop you pick up.

No shoes in the world are worth picking up poop for.

[Bruce] Go on.

I can't believe my dad's making me do this.

Next time I want something,

I'll just ask one of my sisters.

Do it yourself next time and you get all the money.

[Kendall] I get it.

-[Malika] Hey, Klo. -Hi, Mika.

What's going on, baby?

Kourtney and Kim are so [bleep] annoying.

Oh, God, what did they do now?

[laughs]

Noth... I mean,

remember I told you they were, like,

making me go on this desperate online speed dating [bleep]?

-Yes, hilarious. -Yeah.

So I just left from there and it's like,

they're just, like,

[bleep] nagging me about this dating crap and I find...

And, like, I did it.

I did what she wanted

and they just keep on nagging me.

Um, I think they really just want to see you settle.

That's so big sister things for them to do.

But you got to do it in your own way though, Klo.

Yeah, you're right.

Oh, I hate them sometimes.

I've done things Kim and Kourtney's way.

But now I'm gonna do it my way.

[line rings]

Was she into anybody?

There was one guy that I think she secretly is into, but...

Stop talking so much [bleep], guys.

[Kris] Look who showed up.

I'm not here for long. I just came to tell you guys,

I actually am going on a date with one of these guys.

[both] Who?

Don't worry about it.

-Tonight? -Yes, in a little bit.

I got to go get ready.

-Ta-ta. -Tonight's the night?

Our plan obviously worked.

So Kim and I will just step away

and let her do her thing.

Oh, my God, I cannot believe she's going on a date.

[Kim] I mean, you'll never know,

this could be like, the love of her life.

And she could fall deeply in love

with someone that we set her up with.

And then, she'll owe us for the rest of her life.

* Reinvent yourself *

* Tell the world what you're want to be *

* Reinvent yourself... *

Hi.

I have reservation under Khlo� Kardashian.

Your party's already here.

Oh, good. Perfect.

Hi.

[Malika] Hi!

So, I guess, I lied.

I'm really not going on a date with one of my speed daters.

I'm actually on a date

with my two best friends, Malika and Khadisha.

Kourt and Kim will not get off my case.

So I decided, lie to 'em.

Best policy.

For many, many more dates

just like this one.

-Yay. -Yay.

* Reinvent yourself *

* Tell the world what you want to be *

* Reinvent yourself... *

I really do not think a man defines you

or a date.

I just think as long as you're happy within yourself,

you're happy.

I'm not gonna be single forever.

I'm young.

* Reinvent yourself... *

[Khlo�] I need a toast.

I just want to enjoy my life right now.

I just want to be single.

Whoo!

* Reinvent yourself *

[Kris] Next time on Keeping Up With The Kardashians...

He's an amazing photographer.

[Rob] You know how I'm doing the modeling thing?

I've decided I'm gonna go to Tokyo, Japan.

I think it's crazy, irresponsible and stupid.

This is crazy. What happened in here?

[Khlo�] Some really creepy guy

is trying to vandalize the store.

I want all the doors locked because this is dangerous.