Original subtitles

[Khlo�] Previously on Keeping up with the Kardashians...

[Kris] Kourtney is dating a guy named Scott.

He is really, really young.

And I have serious doubts about Scott.

[Kris] Kourtney and Scott, stop making out!

They're so in love, they're making out every two seconds.

You are not at the age where you could get married to someone

-and have kids and... -I love her to death.

I'm watching you.

[Khlo�] What are you doing?

Nothing, I don't really feel well.

I think I'm gonna get something to eat, like a little snackaroo.

[Khlo�] What's wrong with you?

I don't know, I still feel nauseous.

Remember I was nauseous, like, in New York, every day?

[Khlo�] Let's leave for a minute.

Have you had a period lately?

Sure, I don't, like, write those things down.

I'm just saying, I've had a lot of friends, that have, like... [chuckles]

-gotten pregnant. -[Kourtney] I'm not pregnant.

-If I was pregnant, what would I... -[Khlo�] You and Scott don't have sex...

Protected sex.

Birth control is your protection.

No, I always forget to take it.

Well, if you forget to take it, it doesn't work.

She's late and she's nauseous, and she doesn't think she's pregnant?

Is she insane?

I mean, I'm sure I'm not. Don't you think I should just wait and see?

I think the first thing we should do is take a test,

just to rule that out.

[Kourtney] This is serious, I'm just so not ready to be a mom yet.

So we go and get pregnancy tests.

[Khlo�] Do you know how to use these?

[Kourtney] No, I've never done this before.

Well, it's five days before missed period.

Well, should I just do it?

-[Khlo�] Yeah, you should... -I really don't understand.

-But let's try. -You have to pee on this nasty thing

for five seconds, then lay it flat, like, on this table.

Okay, and then we'll die and see the answer.

Let's die.

Results in three minutes.

How long has it been?

It's only been like two minutes. Calm down, it's not that big of a deal.

Three minutes, it'll be like... I know, you're like so antsy.

-[camera shutters] -[Bruce] All right, we're ready.

No, no, no, you're right here.

The wind, you guys... Is this necessary?

Go change. Awful.

No, that is not cute.

I need someone to make me laugh.

Where's Kim?

[Khlo�] Kim is always late.

I am here.

[Kourtney] Get out of our way!

[Kim] Stop! Jealous?

-[Bruce] Stop! -[Kris] That's enough.

-[man 1] That's it. We're done. -[man 2] Money.

[Kourtney] I mean, what the [bleep] does this even mean?

-[Khlo�] What? -[Kourtney] It says, like, one and a half.

That says you're pregnant.

-[Kourtney] Khlo�... -[Khlo�] You're so pregnant.

[Kourtney] Is it two lines? It's one and a half.

[Khlo�] One and a half, therefore you're pregnant.

It attempted to make the full line.

[sighs] I'm like literally anxiety attack at all seconds.

You're like so high-strung, I don't what to do.

Let's call Scott and I'll tell him to come over here and talk to me.

He's gonna freak the [bleep] out.

[Khlo�] I would be terrified to tell Scott.

-Oh. -You wanna call Scott over Kris?

No, I'm calling him to come here and then we can think of what to say.

In the meantime.

[Kendall] Oh, look at these puppies, they're so cute.

-Look at that one. -Is that little Tito?

[Kylie] I think so, maybe. One of them might be.

-Daddy? -Mm-hmm?

You're the best daddy in the world.

-[Bruce] Uh-oh. -Can I get a puppy?

-You already have a dog. -[Kendall] No, I don't.

-You have Gabana. -No, Gabana is the family dog.

[Bruce] I don't think so. I really don't.

Why not?

-I'm gonna wind up taking care of it. -[Kendall] No, you're not.

-I'll take care of her. -I'm gonna clean up the poopies.

I'm gonna clean up... you know, feed it.

I know you would love to have a dog but...

-Please, Daddy. -Absolutely... no more dogs.

-Scottie! -Hey!

-[Kourtney] Hey. -What up?

-[Khlo�] Mwah! -Hey, doll.

I have no idea how Scott is gonna react about this.

I just am so nervous to even tell him.

So, I took a little pregnancy test.

[Khlo�] She was nauseous and sleeping and...

-And Khlo� convinced me I was pregnant. -I, like, forced her to take one.

-So, I took it. -[chuckles] I psyched her up.

And it says I might be pregnant.

-There's a might symbol? -[Kourtney] No.

-There's two lines. -[Khlo�] Then there's two lines,

and if you're not pregnant there's one line.

-[Kourtney] And it's really blurry. -[Khlo�] This test was blurry,

and it was a line and a half.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I have no idea what that means, in between.

We have no idea.

I mean, I kind of wish you would have told me this by ourselves, but...

[Kourtney] This whole pregnancy test thing is so confusing,

I've got to find out whether I'm pregnant or not.

This is gonna drive me insane.

I'm gonna call, um, the gyno and make an appointment.

Well, whatever it is, either way, I mean, we both know it's gonna be fine.

[quietly] Thanks.

-I just want to find out. -[inaudible]

-Yeller! -He's so cute!

He's huge now.

I feel so bad 'cause nobody's gonna buy him.

[Kris] Kendall and Kylie have been dying to get another dog,

but Bruce said, "Absolutely not."

I guess I wouldn't mind going over to the pet shop and looking at the dog.

Let's do this.

Let's go on over there, and we're not gonna buy anything.

Okay? But let's just go take a look.

[Kris] Girls, look at all the puppies.

Oh, my... Look at... Kendall, these are cute.

[Kris] They're so cute.

Something that every little girl wants is a little white fluffy dog,

and I'm thinking, "Oh, here we go."

[woman] This one is Daisy and that one is Darlene.

-Oh, my gosh. -Look at Daisy.

[Kris] I'm liking these dogs.

Probably as much as the kids are falling in love.

Mommy, can I get a dog? Please, please.

-You know, Daddy's gonna kill us... -No, he won't.

-...if we come home with a dog. -It'll be fine.

[Kris] She's really cute.

We can get the dog.

[girls cheer and laugh]

[Kris] We come home from Posh Puppy

and we're all really excited to get the dog into Kendall's room

and get it all set up.

-[dog barks] -[Kris] I'm a little worried

about Bruce's reaction to the dog,

so I'm thinking maybe we should hide her for a little while until the heat's off.

Going to the doctor to find out if I'm pregnant or not is such a weird feeling.

-Where do I go, right here? -Room two, yes.

-Hi, Kourtney. -Hi.

[Kourtney] I'm 28 years old, if this happens it happens.

And I'll take responsibility, but I don't feel like I'm ready at all.

[coughs]

-Hey, doll. -[Scott] Hey.

So...

I'm not pregnant.

Thank God.

-Well, not "thank God," but... -[Kourtney laughs]

I'm not pregnant, thank God.

Maybe someday, but not today.

Let's go home and keep practicing not getting pregnant.

[Kourtney laughs]

[line ringing]

-[Khlo� over phone] Hey, Kourt. -[Kourtney] Hey, Khlo.

[Khlo�] How did the doctor go?

I'm not preggers.

-[Khlo�] You're not? -[Kourtney] No, you were wrong.

[Khlo�] So what does that mean?

That means we'll go to Vegas and get wasted.

-I wouldn't go to Vegas any other way. -[Scott] I heard that.

Oh, my God, Kourtney is not pregnant.

We're all gotta go to Vegas and partay! Whoo-hoo!

You guys, let's go to Vegas and have a huge party.

[Kris] I'm not sure why we're going to Vegas,

but I'll take any opportunity to go hang out with my girls.

[Khlo�] High five, everyone!

[all whooping]

-[Scott] All right. -[Kourtney] Excited!

-[Kourtney screaming] -Oh, my God!

[Rob] We missed the couch!

I like to kind of have my closet handy

because I might be in sexy mood, I might be in a conservative mood.

You're basically a [bleep] psycho and you're full of mood swings.

[Khlo�] Mom, the party bus is here.

[Kris] Whoo-hoo!

Don't bring any drinks, there's no bathroom.

-There's no bathroom? -[Khlo�] Let's go!

-We can't go pee for five hours? -Let's go!

-This is my workout for the day, Khlo�. -[woman] Mom, help!

Too much... Argh!

[Kim] Oh, wow!

Could somebody help me with this bag?

Bring it, you're a grown woman.

-Are you guys driving all the way? -[Kris] Like, six hours.

All right, you guys out of here?

[Bruce] Have fun! Come on, little girls.

I'm hoping that Kendall can deal with the whole puppy situation

while I'm in Vegas, and I'll deal with Bruce when I get back.

-Goodbye, everybody! -Bye, honey.

We're gonna have to, like, pee on the side of the freakin' road.

You could've just taken a plane.

I have to pee. I have to pee. I have to pee. I have to pee.

I'm stuck on this bus with the Urinator.

All Kris wants to talk about is peeing.

Stop talking about peeing and you won't need to pee!

[Kendall] Oh, yes.

[gasps] Ooh.

[Bruce] Kendall.

-Come on. Daddy doesn't... -[Bruce] Kendall!

[Bruce] Kendall!

-[Kendall] Yeah? -[Bruce] What are you doing?

[Kendall] Nothing.

-Nothing? -Nothing.

Oh, you've got that look on your face. Well, it's bedtime.

Go brush your teeth, get ready for bed.

Okay.

-[dog barks] -[door closes]

[Kendall] Bella, don't make any noise.

Yeah!

[Khlo� screams]

All right, I gotta pee, I gotta pee, I gotta pee, I gotta pee.

-I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. -[Scott] Oh, it's raining. It's raining.

[Kourtney] Mom, where are you going?

[Kris] I'm going over here to pee outside.

[laughing] So embarrassing. Somebody saw me.

I'm so excited to be in Vegas.

I got us hooked up this weekend for an amazing suite at the Palms.

-All right, let's go to your Sky Villa. -Oh! The fantasy suite.

-[Khlo� whooping] -Oh, my God.

Our suite is amazing.

It is so pretty and big

and there's a pool and everything.

So if I'm, like, sitting here, doing like a number two...

Excuse me.

That is not even cute.

We're gonna make it rain!

What's up, everybody? It's Princess Kim Kardashian.

[crowd cheering]

[Khlo�] Kourtney and Scott are all over each other,

and I totally catch them sneaking out of the club early.

These bitches better be smart and use a condom this time.

-It was a nice night. -Yeah, it was fun.

-I love you so much. -I love you.

Would you hate it if I asked you to marry me? Right now.

-What do you mean? -Or tomorrow.

Are you serious?

[Kourtney] I'm just like totally shocked.

I don't know if Scott's teasing me about getting married tomorrow or what.

I'm not worried about where we're going,

who we're telling or any of that sort of thing.

-Okay? -Yeah.

Even though you drank tonight and had a nice dinner.

-Yes, let's. -I need to know

that your heart is in it, not just your mind,

-'cause you're a little drunk. -Yes. Yes, I want to.

-I love you. -I love you.

I love you.

[kissing sound]

I am still drunk from last night.

-Morning! -[Kim] Hi, Mom!

Hey, you guys.

Where's Scott and Kourtney?

Probably still sleeping. They don't wake up until like four.

So... did you remember last night?

What part? Dinner?

-No. -Going out?

No. What we said at the end of the night.

I obviously didn't forget that.

That's why I got up early.

So do you still want to do that?

I've never wanted to do anything more.

Okay.

He still wants to go through with it.

-Why? Do you not? -No. I do.

I love Scott.

I guess, you know, why not now?

The sooner, the better... for me.

Okay.

-[Scott] Hola! -Hi, guys!

-[Kris] Yeah. -What happened to you last night?

We had a little... night in the Jacuzzi.

[Khlo�] Ew!

Now none of us can go in that Jacuzzi for the rest of the trip.

-So guys... -[Kris] Yeah?

Today at 2:00, a car is picking us up.

We're going to the chapel.

-What? Are you joking? -You're trying to say

that you're getting married?

We're in Vegas, dolls.

[Kris] They want to get married today.

I am totally devastated.

-No, no, Kourtney. Come on. -Can I come?

-You guys don't wanna get married. -[Kourtney] Mom.

[Rob] Is it just you or all of us?

She wants to get married today. I'm shocked.

[Kris] Kourtney, we haven't even had an engagement party yet.

If Kourtney wants to get married today, Kourtney is getting married today.

What's wrong?

I just feel really weird about this whole thing.

She's rushing this a little bit.

I understand the whole Vegas thing 'cause I did it, but I was 19.

She's 28.

When you were 28, you had four kids.

[Khlo�] This is the same wedding chapel that Britney Spears got married in.

Now we know that Kourtney and Scott are gonna last forever.

[woman] Tell me, what time do you want to get married?

-Right now. -Now.

[organ music playing]

So what will happen when you walk in,

the best man and maid of honor will come in first, so...

Then you two will come in.

Then you'll just walk right up here to the front, uh...

Right about... there.

Your hand will come up here like that and you'll place the ring upon her finger.

This feels really rushed, but I guess I'm about to get married.

After you kiss her, I'll introduce you.

Uh, you know, Mister and Missus.

And then as you walk hand in hand down the aisle,

back down the aisle like this,

and you'll be very happy and you'll smile.

I feel really bad about this wedding and how everything is happening so fast,

and I don't know whether or not I should stop it.

-[Kourtney inhales deeply] -Kourt, I cannot believe

you're gonna get married.

[Kim] Are you getting excited or nervous? Like, what does this feel like?

I don't know, it feels like...

-I could... open my mouth and throw up. -[Kim chuckles]

[Kourtney] I just feel like we woke up

and just haven't even really had a second to think about this.

I can't believe we're really getting married.

We just haven't even talked about it really.

[Rob] You look good, man.

I mean, I have no idea what I'm wearing at this point, but I'm trying my best.

[Kris] Honey, I don't know what to do.

And this isn't how I see my daughter getting married.

[Bruce over phone] So stop it.

-You're her mother. Tell her no. -[Kris over phone] Oh, that's... Okay,

she 28 years old, how do you tell a 28-year-old to stop it?

Just say, "Stop, don't do this."

We cannot have a wedding without you and Kendall and Kylie.

[Bruce] So stop it. You've got my support.

She just can't do it this way. Tell her no.

[Kris] Kourtney, can I talk to you for a sec?

-Mm-hmm. -You look pretty, but this is wrong.

You've got hot pink flowers, and you're standing under plastic roses.

I know you. It's not about the things, I don't mean to make it about that.

-Mm-hmm. -But this feels wrong.

You're rushing it. Bruce isn't here.

-[Kourtney] Mm-hmm. -You're little sisters aren't here.

[Kourtney] Mm-hmm. They would die if they thought

they weren't your bridesmaids.

Where are his parents?

-Right. -Where's his family?

You know, this is about family.

[Kourtney] I think maybe my mom's right.

This feels so rushed and just not right.

I never really thought about what my wedding would be,

but this is certainly not it.

-[Scott] Hey, doll. -Hey.

Wait, am I supposed to see before the ceremony?

-You aren't supposed to see each other. -I just wanted to tell you...

-Um... I don't know... -This doesn't sound good already.

No, I was just talking to my mom

and I just feel like we should do this, like, the right way.

When we got here, I was just like... It kept going on and...

-My grandma is, like, not here. -[Scott] And I love her.

And Kendall and Kylie?

-We love each other, like, really. -[Kourtney] When I got here...

And I love you more than anything. I want to be able to remember the wedding

for the rest of my life.

You agree, 'cause that would not be good.

Mmm... you have too much lip balm on. Okay, go.

I guess Scott and I will just keep living in sin.

[Kendall] Oh!

Come here.

Bella!

[door opening]

-[dog barks] -[Bruce] Kendall?

-[nervous chuckle] -What is that?

My friend's dog.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Come here. Whose dog is that?

No lying. What's the deal?

Uh...

-It's your dog. -Maybe.

After I said no.

Mommy let me get her.

[inhales loudly and sighs]

-[Kris over phone] Hi, honey. -I can barely hear you.

-How's things going in Vegas? -[Kris] I just stopped a wedding.

-You stopped the wedding? -[Kris] Yeah.

[sighs] Thank...

[Kris] I have a bad connection, can I call you back?

Well, I just went into Kendall's room,

-and there's a dog in there. -[Kris] Yes?

I told you how many times?

[Kris] At least I stopped the wedding.

You stopped the wedding, but now the problem is...

-Can we talk about it when I get home? -...I've got this dog in the house.

-[Kris] Bye, honey. -[line disconnects]

[sighs]

I would like to make a toast, everybody.

To, um, a really crazy day, it definitely was an experience.

Guys, take your time.

-[Kourtney] Thank you. -[all whooping]

[Kris] We're back to fianc�.

We wanted to know if we had your blessing on waiting about the pre-marital sex.

[Kourtney] Tonight's the night.

Ride 'em like you've never ridden a horse before.

-Oh, my God. -Khlo�, good advice.

You're the one that paid for those horseback riding lessons.

[electronic dance music]

[screaming]

We're having so much fun. We did... couple too many shots.

-[Kim] No. No, what are you gonna do? -Khlo� loves it. She loves it.

-No. -[Kourtney yelling]

Girls gone wild!

-[Khlo� and Kourtney screaming] -[Kim] Stop.

We have to keep it down! I'm holding it...

No, get off of me! This is so embarrassing! [laughing]

[Khlo� screaming]

-[Kourtney] One. Yeah! -[Khlo� screams]

[Khlo� and Kourtney laugh]

[Khlo�] Oh, my God!

-No one got married! Yay! -What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

-Hallelujah! -[Khlo�] No one got married!

[Bruce] I thought you would be my son-in-law by now.

...without you.

[Scott] I'm still like a son.

Kendall!

Oh, man!

[Kim] Next time on Keeping Up With the Kardashians...

-Got a date. -I'm waxing your chest.

-[Rob] I don't want to do this. Bruce! -Please. Assist me.

[Rob] What the [bleep]!

[Khlo�] I've never seen a homeless man in Calabasas.

Come with me in my car.

Gonna get you some scrubbies.

[man] Open your mouth. Oh, my God.

My parents are gonna think we're insane.

[Khlo�] Hi, Bruce.