Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

[phone ringing]

[Kris] Hello, this is Kris.

[Michele over speaker] Hey, Kris. This is Michele, calling from Playboy.

Hi, Michele.

-[Michele] How are you? -Fine, thank you.

[Michele] Listen, we would really love for Kim to pose for our celebrity issue.

-The one that comes out in December. -Oh, my.

So I get a call from Playboy asking if Kim would do a celebrity pictorial

for the December cover. I just don't know how she's gonna react.

How does this look on? Have we sold any of these?

-[Louie] Hmm... -Hey, guys. So cute.

Louie, the windows look so cute today.

-[Louie] Thank you. -Darling.

-Okay, so listen. -[Kim] Yeah?

I just got off the phone with Playboy,

and they want you to be the model to do a celebrity pictorial.

Okay...

They really, really, really, really, really want to do it.

Wouldn't that be fun?

-You don't have to take anything off. -Fun for you.

[Kris] You don't have to take anything off.

-I don't have to take anything off? -No.

It's Playboy.

Ever since the sex tape scandal,

I have to be really careful at how I'm perceived.

But I think it would be an awesome experience for you, if nothing else.

On top of all of that, it's a ton of money.

People are gonna say, like, "Oh, you know,

all she's good for is taking her clothes off.

Does she do anything else?"

Can you guarantee that I'm not gonna have to take my clothes off?

That's what she's saying.

It's really gonna be something that I'm gonna have to think about.

The whole tape issue, I think that

if that never came out, then I would be more inclined to do Playboy.

I really have mixed feelings about it.

-[camera shutters] -[Bruce] All right, we're ready.

No, no, no, you're right here.

The wind, you guys... Is this necessary?

Go change. Awful.

No, that is not cute.

[man] Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on.

I need someone to make me laugh.

Where's Kim?

[Khlo�] Kim is always late.

I am here.

[Kourtney] Get out of our way!

[Kim] Stop! Jealous?

-[Bruce] Stop! -[Kris] That's enough.

[man 1] All right, you guys.

-[man 2] That's it. We're done. -[man 3] Money.

Okay, guys, I want to tell you something.

I really want to talk to my family and see how they all kind of react to it,

and help me make the decision.

I'm just gonna do like a sexy celebrity pictorial.

-That's what they all say. -Are you sure?

[chuckles] No, I'm serious.

They all say it's gonna be really classy and fabulous.

[Kim] No, it is really classy.

It's the December cover, like, that's a huge deal.

You know, and this decision is really hard for me. I don't want to upset Bruce.

[Khlo�] Have you told Bruce?

[chuckles] Not exactly.

We don't care what Bruce thinks.

We do care... We know what Bruce thinks.

-He's very conservative. -He's gonna think you're being a whore.

He was on the cover of Playgirl, okay? So he can't really talk.

Bruce was on the cover of Playgirl back when he had that Olympic body.

That is sickening. That is sickening.

-He wasn't posing in naked. -He just did it for the articles.

Mom, what do you think she should do?

I think she should do it. I think it'll be really great.

[Kourtney] Of course you want her to do it with your ten percent manager commission.

I know about you.

-[Kourtney] Hey, Brucie. -Hey, guys.

[Kourtney] So when would you be doing this deed?

The what deed?

-[Kourtney] Oh. -[Bruce] Oh, what?

[Kourtney] Kim's thinking about doing Playboy.

Really?

It'll be a gorgeous pictorial.

-[Bruce sighs] -And she doesn't have to show anything

that she doesn't want to show, she doesn't have to take anything crazy off.

So I guess no matter what I say, you're gonna do it anyway, huh?

[Kourtney] No, I think Kim values your opinion.

Okay, here's my opinion on it. Um, it is on the edge.

You're kind of taking a big risk here.

[Kourtney] I say step it up to Penthouse.

Go for it if you're really gonna go. Do it with class, but undress that ass.

-[laughs] -[Kris] That'll be your slogan.

I'm doing it with class 'cause I got a big ass.

That's right.

-[Kim] Hey, Mom. -Hey, Kim.

Okay, so I've decided. I told you I'd make my decision.

I've decided I'm gonna do Playboy.

-You are? -But...

But?

You have to make sure that I'm not nude, all the way nude.

Has to be like set in stone in my contract that I'm not all the way naked.

Yeah, no problem. I think... I think we can, you know...

-That's a done deal. I'll take care of it. -[Kim] Okay.

Now get out there and run around the block.

-Okay. -[Kris laughs]

-[Kim] I'm gonna go to the store. -Cardio.

-[Kim] I know, I know. -Cardio, cardio, cardio.

I'll see you in a little bit.

Pretty scary when I'm the only one to vote no on Kimberly doing Playboy.

I mean, she's got a sex tape out and now she's doing Playboy?

Please, this is your daughter.

The whole point of doing it is because

it's something she doesn't have to get naked for.

-Okay, she's not showing her... -[Kris] She's not.

...nipple, all right? She's showing everything else.

She's not gonna be a Playmate.

When you do a celebrity spread,

it's a much different thing than doing, um, a centerfold.

[Bruce] I mean, nothing wrong with being a Playmate,

it's just that I don't think Kimberly should be one. [chuckles]

-I agree with you. -But do you think her father would say...

[Kris] You know, can we not get into all of that?

Just let's do this... I... This is getting way too heavy.

She doesn't need Playboy.

Playboy needs her more than she needs them.

I just think you're really conservative and really over the top,

-and I think that you... -[Bruce] "Over the top?"

-Well, in your mind... -[Bruce] I'm not the one in Playboy.

Okay, you were in Playgirl.

-Please. -You know, so...

-Please. -Before you judge somebody, you...

-[Bruce] I'm not judging her... -You always judge.

No. You always judge people for doing the same thing you've already done.

-What have I done? -And that's not cool.

-What've I done? -You did Playgirl.

-No. Please. -You were on the cover of Playgirl.

Yeah, an article about me.

Yeah, well, okay, maybe it's an article about her.

-[Bruce] I wasn't in there, you know... -Why don't you not judge it...

You know, she's in lingerie...

There's no reason why I should even bring this stuff up,

because it doesn't make any difference. You guys are gonna do what you want to do.

You know? And if you think it's good to sell Kimberly in Playboy, sell.

[scoffs] Unbelievable.

Guys, let's go.

Bruce is showing Kim how to work out. I am definitively not missing this.

You sit in the corner and you don't make a comment.

[Kourtney] Whatever you say, Hitler.

Kim has made a decision to do Playboy.

I don't agree with it, but I do support her.

It's time to get her in shape.

How many calories do I need to burn to lose a pound?

Uh, I don't know. I don't worry about calories, I worry about sweat.

I don't really sweat that much.

Well, the thing is, if you ain't sweating, you ain't working.

That's so not true.

[Khlo� yelling]

I love that there's mirrors behind me so I can see my ass melting away.

[Kourtney screams, laughs]

Bruce takes working out so seriously. This is the perfect time to mess with him.

You know what a Kegel exercise is?

-No. -[Khlo�] You don't?

[chuckling] I really want someone to teach me.

-Fifteen. -I wanna...

At the end I'm gonna squirt a surprise for you, Kim.

[Kim laughs]

Can we get tans while Kim's working out?

No. Khlo�, come on. We're working out. Just go. Go, please.

-Can't talk? -Leave. No, not to us. She's working out.

You can go have a ball doing something else.

Take the stick out of your ass, dude.

[Kim] I'm on my way to go shoot for Playboy,

so I'm really excited. I'm nervous, but I'm really excited.

-I'm Kim, nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. I'm Rob.

Welcome to Playboy.

-This is so cool. -[woman] You're gorgeous.

-Thank you so much. -I'm sure everybody tells you that, but...

-Thank you. -I'm really happy you're posing,

because you're phenomenal.

I haven't even gotten dressed today

'cause I've been running around doing stuff for you.

-So I come running in here... -Oh, really? Getting your hair done?

That's so for me.

Just relax and try to take a deep breath, okay?

Stephen, I'll be right back, I need to get my make-up done.

[Stephen] All right.

[Stephen laughs]

Who gets her make-up done on the set of my photo shoot?

I'm a little embarrassed to say this,

but it's always been a life-long dream of mine to pose for Playboy.

Maybe we could do like a mother-daughter issue.

[photographer] Right there. Bring the face to me.

Okay, very nice. There you go.

Let the hands move a little bit. Just turn the breast to me.

To me. There you go.

That's very nice. How much nudity are you prepared for?

If you were like that without the top, can I show you what it would look like?

-Yeah, but I... -[photographer] You don't want to do that?

Just, like, I just don't want to be so...

-exposed. For any of the shots. -[photographer] Yeah, okay.

[Kris] What's going on?

[Kim] I'm not comfortable taking my top off.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean "taking your top off?"

Kim, from the get-go this was a, what they call, "a celebrity photo shoot."

And you don't have to take your clothes off at all.

-Mom... -What they want you to do

is take all your clothes off so that they can cover you with stuff.

That's not what they were telling me before.

Now you're saying, "Take it off. They're getting upset. Take it off."

-I'm here... -I need someone to be like,

"No. She's not taking it off.

She'll write you a check for double the money

and say [bleep] you and walk out of here."

[Wilson] This is last night, in talking to Hef...

-[Kris] Mm-hmm. -[Wilson stammers]

Hef is very serious about trying to get this pumped up.

[Kim] I can just tell that

they're all uncomfortable that we're not gonna get these shots

for Hef that he's gonna like, because I'm not taking it off.

Kim has no desire to do, you know, any kind of a shot,

judging from the problems that she's had, you know, in the past.

[Wilson] We want you to be comfortable.

In the end, I'm sticking to, you know, what I believe in,

and not showing too much.

-[Kim] Merry Christmas! Happy holidays! -[man laughing]

The shots are amazing, and I'm so glad I did it.

Great job, Kim.

-I like the pearls. -[Rob] Can I look, Kim?

-No, Rob. -[Kris] Good shoes.

-Look how cute those shoes are. -[Rob sighs]

You're staring at her shoes when her ass is out?

-That's really hot, Kim. -[Kris] What do you think?

That is so cute.

Your bo... You look like a Playmate or something.

-[Kris] Okay... -[Rob] That's weird.

-[Kim] Rob, I said you're not looking. -[Rob] Oh, my God!

-[Kris] That's a great art... -We can't look at this stuff.

No. Shush!

[Kim] Wait, look at this one, you guys.

Mom was like, "It looks great! It looks great! Take it off!

And I'm like, "I don't want my boobs out." You know?

Kim, all you got to do is lay there and look gorgeous. It's fine.

Mom, why don't you do it?

A naked photo shoot, I would let somebody see me naked, like a photographer.

-[Kim] Let's set that up. -Bring it on.

[Kim] All right, good. We're setting that up.

-Good. Try. -Are you serious?

-I'm dead serious. -For what?

-For... -[Khlo�] To embarrass me?

I've decided to kind of turn the tables on her.

It's her turn to take it off.

-[Kourtney] I'm against the idea, too. -I'll make sure that it's done

totally professionally, there'll be all the right people.

The manager! Manager!

So I'm gonna play manager for the day

and give my mom a taste of her own medicine.

I can bitch at you all day long.

-We need this... -"Where was this?

Why didn't you that? Mom! Mom!"

-[Kim] Oh, my job would be easy. -"Mom! Mom! Mom!"

I mean, that's what you do to me all day long.

I would love for you to be my manager for the day.

Ready or not, here we come.

[Kim] Oh, I got these for you, Mom.

So I want to kind of give her a taste of what it's like to be uncomfortable naked.

-What do you think? -I think I look fab.

-Me. -[man laughs]

-What do you think I look like? Yeah. -Oh, oh, oh, oh, sorry.

You look pretty sexual.

I think you should be like that, but let me show you your first look.

Okay.

-That's my first look? -That is your first look.

Do I get to wear the robe?

-[Kris] Kim! -You can wear the jewelry.

-That's all gold. Anything gold... -That's a gold thong and a gold medal

and some gold loops.

You want me to wear a curtain?

Show the ass.

On the... I feel like I'm at the gynecologist's office.

[Kris] How do you do this?

-[man] Off this picture. -Manager!

Kim!

-[man] Just right or... -[Kim] Going for the gold. You're...

digging for gold. You should be used to that.

[man] Do the...

-[laughs] -Oh, shut up, you [bleep].

-[man] Kim, uh... -[Kim] Now, that's fab.

Can we just do one with the boobs exposed? It's amazing.

Push 'em up so they don't look like Star Jones.

-We need a clamp. -[man laughs]

-That's perfect, Mom. -Right there.

[camera clicking]

-[man 1] That's nice. Oh, that's good. -[man 2] Right there.

Have fun with this.

I can't believe my mom's so comfortable being naked.

[Kris] I loved this process!

Kim, I don't know what you're complaining about, this is great.

I could do this all day long. I'm loving it.

Seriously?

-Hey, love. -[Melody] Hi!

-Hi! -How are you?

-Good, how are you? -Good.

-[Melody] Yay! -I'm so hungry.

[Melody] Mm-hmm.

[Kim] What are we gonna get? The usual?

[exhales] Crispy rice is like the first thing I think about every day.

[cellphone ringing]

-Hello. -Hey, I just got a call from Playboy.

And they want you to actually do some more photos.

What they said was that

Hef was really excited about the photo shoot, he loved the pictures.

They said that Hef really wants to meet with you.

He wants to talk to you himself,

and he's asked you and I to come to the Playboy Mansion.

-That's amazing. -[Kris] Yeah.

And they want some more... A little...

Showing a little more skin, actually.

I knew it. I knew that they wanted more nude.

They want more skin. They want me to take a little more off.

And I just thought that I had an amazing shoot.

Why do more?

Bye.

I knew they want... I was like, "I'm not taking my top off.

I'm not doing this. I'm not doing that." I'm just not that comfortable being nude.

-Don't show the goodies. -Yeah, I wouldn't. I'm not.

[doorbell rings]

Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian to see Mr. Hefner.

[man over speaker] Go on.

Mom, why are you wearing a push-up bra?

This is not about you trying to get into the magazine.

We're going to the Playboy Mansion.

-[Kim] It's Kim and Kris to see Hef. -[woman] Okay.

[Kris] Where's the powder room?

-Right here? -Right through here.

Oh, okay. Thank you so much.

Go in there and see if there's any soap or anything with Playboy on it.

-And just stick it in your purse. -Mom.

-It's a souvenir. -Mom.

[quietly] Take the water bottle, it's got a bunny on it.

You are practically naked, pull your top up.

Sorry.

-Well... -Hi.

-Hello. What a pleasure. -Nice to meet you.

My pleasure.

-Hi. I'm Kris Jenner. -This is my mom Kris.

-How are you? -It's a pleasure to meet you as well.

-Absolutely. -And this is Kim Kardashian.

-Well, I know that by reputation. -[Kim laughs]

Welcome to the Playboy Mansion and...

I'm very excited about having you in the December issue.

-I'm very excited. -[Hugh] Very excited.

The great face, the hair, the booty.

-I think it will all look very well. -[Kim] The booty, got it.

[Kris] I have one little question.

-[Hugh] Okay. -Does she have to take her clothes off?

[Hugh] Oh, yes.

But no, like... We're not gonna show the twins, right?

-[Hugh] That's part of it, but discreetly. -[Kris] Oh.

[Hugh] And in very good taste.

[Kim] I'm really conflicted.

They want me to show more skin for this new shoot,

and I just don't know if that's something I want to do.

[Hugh] It will not be explicit, I mean...

That is what sets Playboy apart from the other magazines.

-[Kris] Right. It's the best. -Always classy.

It's for the December issue. We always have a celebrity on the cover

and inside that issue.

-[Kim] Is that your favorite issue? -It has to be.

I started the magazine with the December 1953 issue.

-Oh, wow. -[Hugh] And...

-I happened to have Marilyn Monroe... -[Kim gasps]

-on the cover and... -I didn't know that.

...inside as the first Playmate of the month.

-Wow. -[Kim] Oh, wow.

Knowing that Marilyn Monroe's done it, I feel a bit more comfortable with it,

and I know that I'm going to be taken care of

because the Playboy team is so amazing.

But it is gonna be nerve-racking.

-Thank you. -Very nice to meet you.

Thank you so much.

-My pleasure. See you soon. -Thank you.

[Rob] Oh [bleep].

There you go, Bruce.

Now, what is this about Kimberly?

I heard that someone from Playboy called her.

Really?

I heard they want a little more something-something.

I haven't seen the first photos, I wouldn't know.

You know, Kimberly has got to clean up her act.

[Kim] I'm so nervous.

I just want everything to go perfectly.

I just know there wasn't any nudity.

Well, I know. Yeah. That was the whole idea doing the shoot.

I'm assuming it's Playboy and they might want to show a little more nudity.

[Brandon] No nudity. [laughs] Is that what they told you?

[inaudible]

You know, it's one thing, I'm her stepdad. It's your sister.

What do you feel about all of this?

Well, I don't know. It's her decision. I support whatever she does.

[Kris] Do you have a lot of diamond fake necklaces?

We could bring these. Wait, but...

-Yeah. -We could bring these.

I come up with this idea that I am totally comfortable being nude

if I'm draped in diamonds and pearls.

[man 1] Here we go. Lean to me.

-There's where you want to be. Like that. -[man 2] That's beautiful, huh?

I mean, I'm sure she's not just standing there with her boobs out.

She probably posing and going like this.

Her pose is always like...

[Khlo�] Yes. The armpits. That's her dance.

[man] Yeah. Let them hang. Let them hang. Yes, yes. There. There.

[Khlo�] Then she sticks her butt out and her stomach goes in more.

And her mouth is always open. Like...

Why is her mouth open in every picture?

-[woman] Damn. -[camera clicking]

-[Kris] Kim, you're doing amazing. -[man] Push this. Push this knee out.

-[woman] Hot. -[man] That's... Push, push, push.

[Khlo� laughs] Like a cat.

-Kourtney, take it off! -[Kourtney] Khlo�!

-[Khlo�] Take your clothes off. -No!

-That's a good pose. Take it. [chuckles] -Ouch, you're giving me a rug burn.

Take it off.

-[camera clicks] -[Kris] Oh, God. Kim, they're beautiful.

-[woman] Yeah, they're hot. -[Kris] They're really, really cool.

-Hot. That one's the one. -[laughter]

Kim, you're gonna die when you see these.

[camera clicks]

They're amazing.

I like the shoes.

Posing for Playboy was a huge challenge for me,

but in the end I'm so extremely happy that I did it.

Thank you. Mwah! Bye.

[Kim] Hef and his whole team just really were so gracious to me and so welcoming.

And I just can't wait to see it.

-[indistinct chatter] -Mom!

-Do you love it? -It's so cool, you're gonna die.

Right, I'll get everybody inside.

-Everybody in here? -Yeah.

-Okay, Kim has a big surprise. -[Kourtney] What?

-[Bruce] Oh, no. Is she a blonde? -[Kris] Come on in, Kim.

-[Kourtney] What is this? -[Bruce] It's a picture of Kimberly.

[Kourtney] Oh, my God!

[Bruce] Oh, my... Honey, you have my medal!

-What a sexy biatch! -[Kim] I know. Right?

[Kris] Bruce loves it. Look at Bruce, he's dying.

-You like it, honey? -Yeah, it's really great. Very creative.

Nicely done.

Maybe we should go check it out in the bedroom, see how it works.

-[Kris] Okay. -[whooping]

-[cheering and whooping] -[Kourtney] Yeah.

[Kim] Get yours.

[Kim] Gold medal night.

[Kim] Next time on Keeping Up With the Kardashians...

I'm stressed out. I cannot work this much all the time.

Khlo�'s acting like a monster.

The anniversary of Daddy's death.

I'm gonna turn into an alcoholic tonight.

[shouting, screaming]

-[police siren wails] -[man] You had anything to drink tonight?

[Khlo�] [bleep] I'm gonna go to jail.