All language subtitles for Keeping.Up.with.the.Kardashians.S01E02.WEBRip.Netflix.en[cc]

[Kim] My career is super busy.

I was so nervous!

[Kim] A photoshoot, or doing a movie
or a TV show.

And sometimes I'm doing it all in one day.

[man] Doesn't matter how beautiful
your body looks

if you don't get the face right.

[Khlo�] You don't wanna
be called a butterface.

Everything is good, "but her face!"

[Kim] So tonight my mom booked me
to walk in this fashion show

and I'm really excited.

This is gonna be a great night.

[Khlo�] I hear the pitter-patter
of a dinosaur.

[Kris] Hey, party's here.
We can start now.

Kim doesn't drink, so we always
have to bring our own wine.

-[Kim] Dying.
-[Kris] Hi, girls. How are you?

[Kim] Mom, I think you should
do your hair kind of like Rachel's.

Like, kind of like a Posh-ish.

[Kris] Every time we go anywhere,
it's like I've got the wrong dress on,

I don't have the right haircut...

[Kim] My mom is my manager
and I love her to death...

[Kris] All right,
I've gotta have a drink.

[Kim] But I feel like she's a little bit
overwhelmed sometimes.

-Thank you so much.
-[Kris] Let's roll.

-[doorman] Can I please check ID?
-Why do we need ID?

They're in the show.

-Should we just go down?
-This is nonsense.

[Kim] This show is so unorganized,

so chaotic,
no one knows what they're doing.

[emcee] Yeah, yeah,
that's what I'm talking about.

This is the Celebrity Catwalk for Charity.

-Enjoy the show.
-[crowd cheering]

[Kim] I cannot believe
my mom booked me for this.

This is the worst show ever.

[Khlo� screeches] How much does this suck?

Oh, my God, Kourtney is paging me.

She says, "I'm starving and this blows."

-So we should go eat.
-I'm starving.

The only people that are not starving
are the [bleep] plus-size models

and I'm pissed.

[Kim] I don't wanna look unprofessional,

but I actually ran out
and ditched the end of the show.

No one even knew.

The question is, who is my manager?

This is not my fault!
I had no control over...

Who sets up, who schedules me?
Who is my manager?

I don't know. I had no control.
I'm out of here.

-[Bruce] All right, we're ready.
-No, no, no, you're right here.

The wind, you guys... is this necessary?

Go change. Awful.

No, that is not cute.

[man] Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on.

I need someone to make me laugh.

Where's Kim?

[Khlo�] Kim is always late.

I am here.

[Kourtney] Get out of our way!

-[Kim] Stop! Jealous?
-[Bruce] Stop!

[Kris] That's enough.

[man 1] All right, you guys.

-[man 2] That's it! We're done.
-[man 3] Money.

Mom, that was so embarrassing.

You should be embarrassed to say
that you're her manager.

-I would be.
-No. This isn't my fault.

Please don't ever invite me
to places like this again.

I have no control over what
they're modeling and who shows up.

-You have something!
-Mom, who set this up?

You know what, you live and you learn.

Mom, you keep saying
"you live and you learn,"

but, like, the past ten events
you've made me go to.

How much can I stand?

[Kim] I get really frustrated

'cause my mom wants to book me
for everything that just comes our way.

I need her to really pay attention
and to focus on what's going on.

-Kylie?
-What?

Kendall said she did not kick you first.

-Yes, she did! I was going like this...
-Yeah?

And then she kicked me
and she's all like, "Stop."

Okay, well, she told me
that she lightly kicked you

and that you waited 20 minutes and then
you randomly pushed her in the kitchen.

You're both wrong.
And if I see it happen again... [tuts]

[Kim] All right, guys.
I have a photoshoot to go to.

-Peace.
-[Kim] Bye-bye, Mom.

I'll see you later.

Kim, you're supposed to be there by 9:30.

What are you talking about?
I have to be there at 11:00.

Deena Katz set up the audition
for the movie.

Deena Katz, Mom?
I have my photoshoot today.

-I just said yes, I'd do it.
-You already confirmed the audition...

You just asked me if I wanted to do it.
You never gave me a confirmation...

-Kim, yes, we did.
-If you told me two things

-on the same date, I would know...
-[sighing]

-...that I couldn't be at one place.
-[Kris] You know what, Kim,

-this makes us both look bad.
-I've gotta go, I'm gonna be late,

and then I'll get blamed for that
when that's not my fault either.

Okay, Kim, it's your world,
I just live in it.

[door slams]

[sighs]

I can't believe her.

I... I just, I really don't think
she knows what it takes.

-You know...
-Would you like my opinion?

-[Kris] Yeah.
-You would?

Depends on what it is.

You guys, if you're gonna continue
to work together,

you just have to get better coordinated.

[Kris] I consider myself
a pretty hands-on manager,

being that my two clients
are my daughter and my husband.

You are very easy to book

because you do your speeches,
you're in, you're out.

-[cell phone ringing]
-We've been doing it for 20 years

and it's done.

With her, it's new.

[Kris] I think I'm really organized,

but I have a lot of balls in the air
at all times.

So it definitely gets a little difficult.

Its... It's just gotta be
better coordinated.

[Kris] Bye, I gotta go to work.

-[phone ringing]
-Have a good day.

[Kris] Bye, girls.

[Bruce] We're gonna take the dog
to the vet, and do all that stuff.

[Kris] Okay. Bye.

[Bruce] My life really revolves
around my family.

All right, the laundry's in.

I mean, I got a big enough family
that that covers my day, you know, 24/7.

[Bruce] Uh, Dolce not feeling
very well last night,

seems to be doing better today.

Lymph nodes feel good.

-Okay, stay right there.A
-Good.

Now, speaking of that, Kris was wondering
about his little private parts down here,

how they keep sticking out all the time.

[Dr. Kunin] You'll have
to stick it back in.

[Kylie] What do you mean
by "stick it back in?"

[all laughing]

[Bruce] Stick it back in, yeah, sure.

-[laughs]
-[Kendall] Oh!

[Dr. Kunin] You need to work around
and put the skin over.

But you don't have to do it.
That's a dad job.

[Bruce] You watched the doctor do it.
I think that was good enough.

-It's okay, Dolce. Mwah!
-[Bruce] Dolce will be okay.

-Good seeing ya.
-See you.

-All right.
-Thank you.

[Bruce] Let's go, guys. We're outta here.

Which one of you two, now that you know
how to stick it back in?

-Kendall.
-Kylie.

[Bruce] Actually,
you know what you ought to do

-is try to teach Kim how to do it.
-[Kendall laughs]

She's good with that stuff.

[Kris] Oh, my God, look how cute this is.

I wanna take one of everything
for Kendall and Kylie.

[Kourtney] If you plan to pay for it.
Otherwise, don't even think about it.

I'm busy 24/7.

Thank you so much.

[Kris] I own a store
with Kourtney called Smooch,

which is a few doors down
from the girls' store, DASH.

And then there's managing Kim and Bruce,
and then there's my family.

-Ow!
-[giggling]

Thank God for Bruce.

I couldn't do it all and take care
of the little girls without him.

[Bruce] Nails.

All right, can you take on three of us?

[Bruce] Oh, what I go through.

I personally don't think that there's not
too many people can handle all this stuff.

-So what color are you going with?
-[Kylie] Hot pink.

[Kendall] Can I get a flower, Dad?

-[cell phone ringing]
-One second. Let me get this phone out.

It's probably my next assignment.

Hello? Hi, babe.

[Kris on phone] I was just wondering,
do you think that you could

get the girls their school supplies?

[Bruce] You got it. Bye.

How do those toes look, Kylie?

You're kind of matching with me!
Pink with black diamonds.

Yeah! [laughing]

[Khlo�] Biatch, yeah!

Big booty hoes!

-[Kim] Hey, guys.
-[Kourtney] Hey, Kim.

I'm so annoyed.

You seem like you have a stick
shoved up your ass.

No, I don't. I have Mom strangling me.

-Tell me all about it.
-[Khlo�] What'd she do to you?

She books me on an audition

and a photoshoot for the cover
of a magazine on the same day.

She doesn't even call
and remind you when you have things?

She called me the night before
and reminded me for my photoshoot.

-Then you need to ditch the bitch.
-[Kim] Well, I feel really bad

'cause I kinda, like, yelled at her
this morning when I walked out the door.

But you... you wouldn't feel bad
if it wasn't your mom.

If it was just, like, a normal manager

-you wouldn't feel bad.
-[Khlo�] Exactly.

You need to get a professional mana-gier.

There's no harm in meeting with someone.
See how the vibe goes.

Yeah.

[Bruce] Kylie, Kylie, Kylie.

-She hit me first.
-[Bruce] Kylie!

-[cell phone rings]
-Hi, babe.

[Kris on phone] What are you doing?

[Bruce] Driving back from the beach.

-Did you guys have fun?
-[Bruce] Yeah, they all had a good time.

I've been running around
with kids all day.

I may go to the club and hit some balls.

Honey, who's gonna watch the kids?

Um, you. You're coming home.

Well, we don't close the store until 6:00.

Come home as soon as you can.

-[Kris] All right. Bye, sweetie.
-All right, bye.

Bruce loves to play golf,
and when he's with the girls all day,

he can't play golf on his days off.

So I wanna do something
really nice for him.

Kourtney, I have to go home early today.

[Kris] I'm thinking
about calling this agency

that I've used for a bazillion years

and seeing if they can send someone over

to babysit a couple days a week,
help with dinner,

do some errands,
and drive the kids around.

-[Kris] I am so tired.
-[Bruce] Yeah, me too.

-[Kris] You know what I've been thinking?
-What?

I really, really, really
wanna hire a nanny.

Come on, you got me.
What do you need a nanny for?

I have somebody. I just wanna give it
a trial run, and she starts tomorrow.

-Tomorrow?
-[Kris] Tomorrow.

Does that mean I can play golf all day?

Well, somebody's gotta train her.

You can't just, like,
have somebody show up

and nobody telling her what to do,
and I have to work tomorrow.

[Bruce inhales deeply]

[sighing] Oh, honey, honey, honey,
honey, honey.

All right.

[Frankie] You wanna be an actress?

-Is that... Is that what you want?
-[Kim] I don't know.

That's what I'm saying.
Like, what's your ultimate goal?

[Kim] I'm totally open
to the idea of hiring someone else.

So I've set up some meetings

and I think that it's safe,

because my mom was supposed to be
at the store all day.

You gotta prioritize things.

You have to basically figure out
where you want to be in five years.

I have an email that says
"Tisdale at managing,"

to an email at MAC Management.

So when I communicate...

if I send somebody something...

-Hey, Mom.
-[Kris] Hey, Kim.

-[Kim] What are you doing?
-Trying to clean up a little bit

before I go back to the office.

-Hi, I'm Kris.
-[Tisdale] Hey, Kris, how are you?

-[Kris] Fine.
-Robert Tisdale, very nice to meet you.

Hi, Robert, nice to meet you.
Can I get you guys anything to drink?

-No, we got it. Yeah.
-[Kris] You good? Okay.

[Kim] I mean, I feel bad, I really do.

But if I had a different manager,

they would have a whole staff of people,

they would just be
a little bit more professional.

[door closes]

-[Tisdale] Okay. Bye-bye.
-[Kim] Bye.

[Khlo�] Hi, doll.

-[Kim] What are you doing?
-[Khlo�] Cleaning up the store-ah.

[sighs] I just met with the managers.

-How was it?
-At Mom's house.

-It was kind of weird...
-At Mom's house?

Did you tell her
that you were meeting with them?

-[Kim] No!
-[Khlo�] So, how was the meetings?

[Kim] Like, everyone definitely
had good advice and good points.

[Khlo�] Do you know
if you wanna fire her yet?

I feel like no one else will take care
of me the way she will, you know?

She has my best interests,
but she needs some kind of shock.

So I've devised a plan.

Mom.

[Kim] I'm gonna send Khlo� in
to have a talk with my mom...

-[Kris] Hey, Khlo�.
-Hey, doll.

...to wake her up a little bit.

[Khlo�] I feel that I should just tell you

that I think you're about to be fired.

-By Kim?
-[Khlo�] Yeah.

Kim is just not happy with

how you're... like, how you're working
with her and how you're overbooking her.

She's serious about it, 'cause she's
already looked into other managers...

Who's she met with?

I know she's met with Frankie,

I think she met with Johnny Wright.

[Kris] You know what?

I work my ass off for Kim,
and for everybody else.

I've tried to do everything I can
to make everybody happy.

If Kim doesn't want me to be her manager,

then I'm no longer Kim's manager.

-Well, don't tell her I told you.
-It's fine.

[voicemail beeps]

Hi, you've reached the office
of Kris Jenner,

Kim Kardashian's former manager.

If you'd like to get a hold
of my ungrateful daughter...

-Mom.
-...you can call her

on her personal and private cell phone,

which is 818-222-[bleep].

Oh, my [bleep] God.

[Kris] If you have
any questions whatsoever...

-Don't leave the phone number.
-...give Kim a shout.

-I'm outta here.
-She didn't fire you yet!

-[Kris] That's okay.
-Why are you jumping to conclusions?

I am not gonna be around
when I'm not wanted, Khlo�.

Are you [bleep] joking?
You cannot leave!

This is your store!

[Kris] You know what?
You figure it out. I'm outta here.

Why are you punishing me for Kimberly?

[Kris] Bye! Toodles!

[Khlo�] Why are you jumping
to conclusions?

[Kris] I am not gonna be around
when I'm not wanted, Khlo�.

Mom, you cannot leave me here.
I don't know how to run this store.

[Kris] Bye! Toodles!

[phone ringing]

[man on voicemail] Hi,
this is Jonathan calling with Sony,

looking for Kris Jenner.

Um... I'll try the other number.

[receiver hanging up]

[doorbell rings]

-[Bruce] Hello.
-I'm Bree, the nanny.

[Bruce] You're Bree, the nanny.
Nice to see you.

-This is Bree. Came to help out. Kylie.
-[Bree] Hi.

[Bruce] Kendall.
Are you good with homework?

-Yeah, definitely.
-Mm, really. That's important.

They need some help with their homework?

Yeah, they're always gonna need help
with their homework.

-[Bree laughing]
-[Bruce] Yeah.

[Bree] But Dad, it's a Friday.
We're supposed to have fun today.

-[laughing]
-[Bruce] Yeah.

-Well, make yourself comfortable.
-[Bree] Okay.

[Kris] If Kim wants to fire me, then fine.

I'm treating myself
to an entire day at the spa.

Everyone else can take care of themselves.

[snoring]

[cell phone ringing]

Hello?

Can you please call my mother
who's my manager?

-[phone ringing]
-Hello?

Is it possible to call my manager?
She has my schedule.

[phone ringing]

Um, no, this isn't. Um...
Can I give you her number?

-[masseuse] Feels good?
-Mm-hmm.

[masseuse] I will give you
good massage now.

Whoo!

Go up, up, up.

[Kendall] I'm not ready, I'm not ready.

-[Kylie] Please squeeze my leg.
-Don't squeeze my neck.

[Kylie] Well, you have
to squeeze my legs then.

-[girls giggling]
-Ready, set, go!

Begin!

[girls laughing]

[Kris on voicemail] Hey, it's Kris.

Leave your name and number
and I'll call you back.

Hey, honey, where are you?
You gotta call me back.

-Not cold?
-Mm-hmm.

-You feel good?
-Mmm.

[Bruce sighs] Oh, man.
If Kris could see this.

Nice idea to get a nanny, but...

it's just really starting
to bother me now.

[Bree] Whoa, look at this closet. Oh, man.

How's this go on?

This looks good.

What do you think of this?

[Bruce] Girls, get to your homework!

I'd like to fire this nanny, right now.

But you know what? I think it's time
I taught my wife a lesson,

that you can't do everything in life.

All right, reading time.

She really missed the boat.

Um, she didn't check this out at all.

[sighing]

-[Kourtney] Look who comes to town.
-Look, the diva came late again.

-Well, guess what we've been doing.
-What?

[both] Answering your [bleep] phone calls.

And I just think it's rude
that Mom would, first of all...

Just drop you like that, and now
she's not even answering the phones,

like, she's not even gonna
take on responsibility.

I haven't talked to her all day.
What do I do?

Well, why don't you
give Khlo� and I each five percent

-and we'll handle it from now on.
-And we'll be your managers.

Your boobs look good.
They don't look so gigantic.

I know. I'm not wearing a bra.

[Kourtney] Khlo�,
stop molesting my sister.

[Kim laughs]

-Whoa, Khlo�-moey.
-[Kylie] Hi, Khlo�.

Hi.

-[Bruce] This is Bree.
-Hi.

-Hi, nice to meet you.
-[Khlo�] Nice to meet you.

Mom sent her over.

[Khlo�] Did you guys
go swimming or something,

-is that why you're in a bikini?
-Yeah! Yeah, we went swimming today...

I'll tell you what, Bree, why don't you
take the girls, uh, into the other room.

[Bree] All right, come on.

Oh, my God. She's wearing
a bra top in front of you?

I think that's so inappropriate.

Wel, you think it's inappropriate?
I've been here all day long.

-Should I fire her?
-No. Mother hired her,

Mother fires her.

-Where is Mom?
-I have no idea.

[Khlo�] My mom supposedly called
a really reputable agency,

but it looks like to me
that she called Hookers-R-Us.

This girl is trashy.

[tsks] It's the voicemail.

Mom, there is a whore
watching your children,

-basically topless around your husband.
-[laughing]

You need to get over here
before your husband leaves you

for this 12-year-old biatch.

[Kris] Hi, guys.

[Bruce] Well, where have you been all day?

-[Khlo�] You look cute.
-Oh, just, uh...

Running around.
How are you? What's going on?

What's going on? This is Bree.

-[Bree] Hi. I'm the nanny.
-Hi. How are you?

-Good, how are you?
-How'd it go today?

Oh, it's been great.

-[Khlo� laughing]
-Uh-huh.

[Bruce laughing]

-[Kris] Um...
-[Khlo�] She took your place for the day.

[Bruce] Yeah, she took your place
for the day, honey.

And of course, your husband,
he's been a big help to me, so...

Yeah, that's... my husband.

-Always the big help.
-Yeah, I'm a big help, that's me.

-I am Mr. Help.
-[Kris] Hm.

Why don't you go put a little cover-up on?

And, um, I want to talk to my husband
for a second, okay?

-Thanks.
-Oh...

[footsteps receding]

Why didn't you just tell her to leave

-when it went south?
-Because you hired her to be here!

Plus, I wanted you to meet her. I thought
she was just pretty funny. [laughing]

-[Kris] Why didn't you call me when...
-[Bruce] I called you five times!

You never answer your phone.
So, you know, get over it.

And you hired her, you fire her.
Okay? Goodbye.

[Bree] I'm gonna put on a shirt right now.

[Khlo�] You don't need those babies
out all the time.

[Bree] All right.

Still gonna look like you got
big knockers no matter what.

[Bree] Okay.

Listen, this is just not gonna work out.

I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but I
just think it's not working out for me.

Bye.

It was a nice gesture. I don't
need any help. It's over, it's done.

-I can handle everything.
-You're the best dad. I love you.

-I love you.
-Oh, my gosh.

[Bruce] Oh, my God.

Now she's trying to suck up to me.

[Kris] Every day I run my business,
manage two careers,

and look after my family.

It just gets so insane
trying to keep everything on track.

[Kris] Has anybody even eaten?
Did the kids eat?

It's hard to admit, but I guess some
things are falling through the cracks.

Maybe that's what's
been happening with Kim.

I really need to talk to her
and make it right.

-[Kim] Hey, Mom.
-[Kris] Hey, Kim.

What's going on?

-Just kind of chilling.
-Hard day at work?

You should see how many calls
I've gotten today.

Forty-seven calls.

[Kris] Kim, I'm never gonna be perfect.

I'm gonna make mistakes.

But I need you to trust me,

and trust that I'm just trying
to do the best that I can do.

I'm sorry if I've been mean,

and, you know, kind of
used Khlo� to fake fire you.

It was all just to kind of...

upset you, which worked, but I think it...

I was not expecting you to,
you know, give out my number

and have me handle everything.
And I clearly can't.

So I realized
what a good job you're doing.

But I think that you might need some help.

Mom, stop crying.

It's not that serious. We were kidding.

It does... it's not a joke to me,
'cause I'm very serious about,

you know, how I handle your business,

and how I handle the business
of our whole family.

-[girls scuffling]
-All I need you to realize

is that I do have
your best interests at heart...

-[Kourtney] Hey, give it to me!
-...and that I'm trying as hard as I can

to keep it all going on.

-[Khlo�] Roar!
-[Kourtney screams] Khlo�!

[Kim] What are you freaks doing?

[Kris] If you guys
are humping each other again,

I'm embarrassed for you.

[Bruce] Hey, hey, hey.
I got some boxing gloves.

You guys want me
to get the boxing gloves out?

It's better raw.

-Real deal, Holyfield!
-Oh, no, someone's gonna bust a finger.

[Kris] What are you guys doing?
What's going on?

-[Kourtney] A fistfight.
-Tae Bo.

-[Kourtney] No, they fistfight.
-[laughing]

[Kim] They're crazy.

-They really are.
-[Khlo�] The DJ's playing the megamix!

Anyway, I'm really sorry.
I just wanna work it out.

[Bruce] Girls, you don't need
to be doing this.

[rapping] * You smell like garlic *

[Kim] We'll have to come up with a system.
Maybe, like, a schedule...

-[Bruce] Body slam!
-[screams]

[Kourtney] Guys!

[Kim] I love you and I don't want
anyone else as a manager but you.

That makes me feel good.

-I love you.
-[Kim] I love you too.

Can we change the machine now?

[Kris] I'll think about it.

[girls shrieking]

[Kim] Next time,
on Keeping Up with the Kardashians...

Joe Francis called,
and wants you to do his new bikini line.

-Does Bruce know?
-His heart can't take it.

They're doing what?

-Girls Gone Wild.
-Really?

Brode, you're in charge.

-Oh!
-[laughing]

-[Kim] Oh, my God.
-Well, hi, guys.

Why don't you tell me what's going on?