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1
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,604
This looks like the place.
2
00:00:56,673 --> 00:00:59,041
Why are the Underground
sending their leader?
3
00:00:59,109 --> 00:01:00,987
'Cause this information's
too important
4
00:01:01,011 --> 00:01:02,211
to trust to anyone else.
5
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:04,390
Yeah, and he's gotta
deliver it in person.
6
00:01:04,414 --> 00:01:05,547
Hey, where's Carter?
7
00:01:05,615 --> 00:01:06,982
He was here a minute ago.
8
00:01:07,051 --> 00:01:08,717
I'll go and get him.
9
00:01:08,785 --> 00:01:10,964
Never mind. Here I am.
10
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,222
Carter, get rid of that bush.
11
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:14,967
But, Colonel, it's camouflage.
12
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,224
Carter, do as I say.
13
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,927
But there's more bushes
like this back there.
14
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:20,128
Carter...
15
00:01:20,197 --> 00:01:22,309
What's wrong with
the bush, Colonel?
16
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:24,533
Well, for one
thing, it's poison ivy.
17
00:01:26,537 --> 00:01:29,437
Don't touch me!
18
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,334
I'm worried about Danzig, sir.
19
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,475
You don't have to worry
about Oskar Danzig.
20
00:01:33,543 --> 00:01:34,910
He's a master of disguises.
21
00:01:34,978 --> 00:01:36,528
Yeah, he was in show business.
22
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:37,996
No kidding, an actor?
23
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:41,700
Before the war, he was
Germany's top female impersonator.
24
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,770
That must be her... him.
25
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,632
Colonel Hogan.
26
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,501
Danzig.
27
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,635
I was expecting
somebody with high heels
28
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,870
and a tight girdle.
29
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,161
If one does not
vary one's disguises,
30
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:10,962
they are no longer disguises.
31
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:12,776
Here are the troop movements
32
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,200
and locations of
five panzer divisions.
33
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,035
That is more than I expected.
34
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:19,971
Good work. We are
very grateful to all of you.
35
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,255
Good luck.
36
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,627
Halt!
37
00:02:25,695 --> 00:02:27,161
Halt.
38
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:28,362
Fire.
39
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,304
Mach schnell!
40
00:02:37,307 --> 00:02:38,339
Everybody all right?
41
00:02:38,409 --> 00:02:39,819
Boy, that was pretty close.
42
00:02:39,843 --> 00:02:41,376
This war is getting dangerous.
43
00:02:41,445 --> 00:02:43,912
At least the German
army can't shoot any better
44
00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:45,680
than the French army.
45
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:48,316
Gonna take that
lying down, LeBeau?
46
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,719
Louis?
47
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:54,706
Louis?
48
00:02:58,479 --> 00:02:59,479
Oh, no.
49
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,217
Colonel, my... my
little mate's been hit.
50
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,569
All right.
51
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,115
Take it easy, LeBeau.
52
00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:28,217
Here we go.
53
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:29,508
Put him down right here.
54
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,876
Here, be careful, careful.
55
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,555
There you go. Lift him up.
56
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,782
Andrew, get some hot
water for me, will you, please?
57
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,160
And some bandages. Right.
58
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,118
There's some sulfur
in my footlocker.
59
00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:41,698
Bring that, too, huh? Right.
60
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,165
Oh, boy, will you look.
61
00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:44,951
That's where the bullet hit.
62
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,820
Doesn't look like
it went in too deep.
63
00:03:46,844 --> 00:03:48,021
Didn't go in at all.
64
00:03:48,045 --> 00:03:49,755
Why, it barely broke the skin.
65
00:03:49,779 --> 00:03:51,891
There's nothing
more than a scratch.
66
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,150
What do you mean, "scratch"?
67
00:03:55,219 --> 00:03:58,386
In France, I would get a medal
and a kiss on both cheeks.
68
00:03:58,455 --> 00:03:59,387
You joking?
69
00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:00,599
With a wound like that,
70
00:04:00,623 --> 00:04:02,168
you wouldn't get a
bloody handshake.
71
00:04:02,192 --> 00:04:04,459
You got off lucky,
LeBeau. It's just grazed you.
72
00:04:04,527 --> 00:04:06,105
Then how come I was unconscious?
73
00:04:06,129 --> 00:04:08,763
I don't know! I've lost more
blood than this shaving!
74
00:04:10,734 --> 00:04:12,934
Explains why he was unconscious.
75
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:14,843
Can't stand the sight of blood.
76
00:04:14,872 --> 00:04:17,839
Red Riding Hood
calling Papa Bear.
77
00:04:17,908 --> 00:04:19,007
Come in Papa Bear.
78
00:04:19,076 --> 00:04:22,276
This is Papa Bear. Go
ahead, Red Riding Hood.
79
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:23,812
We have an emergency.
80
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,315
Our leader has received
a very bad bullet wound,
81
00:04:27,384 --> 00:04:30,585
and we are in need of
penicillin immediately.
82
00:04:30,654 --> 00:04:33,033
It is a matter of
life und death.
83
00:04:33,057 --> 00:04:36,503
Penicillin. Tell him we'll arrange
with London for a drop tonight.
84
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,593
We'll contact London
for a drop tonight.
85
00:04:38,662 --> 00:04:40,228
Thank you, Papa Bear.
86
00:04:40,297 --> 00:04:42,509
Can one of you pass
the information on?
87
00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:46,184
No. They won't accept it
from anyone but Danzig.
88
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:47,446
Okay, over and out.
89
00:04:47,470 --> 00:04:49,015
LeBEAU: Colonel...
90
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,383
Would you ask them to drop
91
00:04:50,407 --> 00:04:52,967
a little extra
penicillin for me?
92
00:04:58,382 --> 00:04:59,781
Raus, raus, everybody!
93
00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:02,784
Raus in five minutes.
Raus, raus, raus, raus!
94
00:05:02,853 --> 00:05:04,096
Raus, everybody. Ow!
95
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,631
What's the matter, cockroach?
96
00:05:05,655 --> 00:05:07,166
Oh, it's sunburn, Schultz.
97
00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:08,790
Oh, I'm sorry.
98
00:05:08,859 --> 00:05:09,791
Sunburn?!
99
00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:11,459
Sunburn in the
middle of the winter?
100
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,294
I have very tender skin.
101
00:05:13,363 --> 00:05:14,680
Like a baby.
102
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,142
That's true. He can't even sit
103
00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:18,044
under a reading
lamp with his shirt off
104
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,348
for more than ten minutes.
105
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,135
Are you pulling my leg, Carter?
106
00:05:21,204 --> 00:05:23,805
Man would be barmy
to pull your leg, Schultz,
107
00:05:23,874 --> 00:05:25,918
unless he was
looking for a hernia.
108
00:05:25,942 --> 00:05:27,553
All right, let's get
on with our roll call
109
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,788
and get it over with, huh?
110
00:05:28,812 --> 00:05:30,089
What do you
want a roll call for?
111
00:05:30,113 --> 00:05:31,257
We're all here, aren't we?
112
00:05:31,281 --> 00:05:34,082
Colonel Hogan, Colonel
Klink wants to talk to you.
113
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:37,035
Schultz, in this weather,
I don't want to talk to him
114
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,204
unless he's handing
me over his sword.
115
00:05:39,273 --> 00:05:40,617
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
116
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:43,375
He's not going to
hand you any sword
117
00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,677
after what happened
this morning.
118
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,690
What happened this
morning, Schultz?
119
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:52,316
Well, I... I can't tell
you. It's a military secret.
120
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,252
Oh. Well, you can tell me,
121
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,653
'cause I'm not in the military.
122
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:57,121
No? No.
123
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,891
Actually, I was on my way to
the post office to mail this letter.
124
00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:02,660
Now, this fella walks up to me
and says, "Uncle Sam needs you."
125
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:04,807
Yeah? I actually
have an Uncle Sam.
126
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:05,908
Ja, you have?
127
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:08,533
Oh, sure. He's married
to my Aunt Bessie.
128
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:09,534
No kidding.
129
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,535
No, so...
130
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,552
Carter.
131
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,154
We don't want Schultz to tell us
132
00:06:13,223 --> 00:06:15,556
the same stale rumor
we've been hearing all day.
133
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:19,222
You mean about shooting
Danzig the ma... the master spy?
134
00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:20,678
Yeah, that's the one.
135
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:24,983
What's the big deal about
this Danzig character?
136
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:31,189
Commandant Klink says he's
the leader of the Underground.
137
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,058
Oh, so they get another leader.
138
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,627
Not like Oskar Danzig.
139
00:06:35,679 --> 00:06:37,741
What's so special about him?
140
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:41,499
He is a master of disguises.
141
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,202
Before the war, he was Germany's
142
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,905
greatest female impersonator.
143
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,940
Was he really
that good, Schultz?
144
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,019
That good?
145
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,288
Corporal Mittendorfer
146
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,641
has his picture
up for a pin-up girl.
147
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:55,864
That's how good he was.
148
00:06:55,932 --> 00:06:57,431
Come on, let's go.
149
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,540
Roll call, roll call.
150
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,670
Report!
151
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:06,291
All present and accounted
for, Herr Kommandant.
152
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,771
Thank you, Schultz.
153
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:12,864
Gentlemen, I'm not talking
to you as your commandant.
154
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,500
I'm talking to you
as your friend.
155
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:19,971
So does anybody here know
the words to "Let's Be Buddies"?
156
00:07:24,061 --> 00:07:26,122
Commandant is speaking.
157
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,812
Thank you, Schultz.
158
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,882
I have been made
honorary chairman
159
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,484
of the fund-raising committee
160
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:37,221
for German soldiers
at the eastern front.
161
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,790
I'd like to make a contribution.
162
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:41,359
Would a thousand dollar
check be too showy, sir?
163
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:47,098
Sir, a little something
for the boys in Stalingrad.
164
00:07:49,086 --> 00:07:50,629
I would like to continue.
165
00:07:50,653 --> 00:07:51,786
Quiet!
166
00:07:51,854 --> 00:07:53,872
Herr Kommandant
would like to continue.
167
00:07:53,924 --> 00:07:54,924
Okay.
168
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,708
Okay. You can continue.
169
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:57,954
Thank you, Schultz.
170
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,612
Now, tomorrow, I'm entertaining
171
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:04,549
a group of German
generals' wives at a tea party,
172
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:10,087
and I would like to
have volunteers to help.
173
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,934
Well?!
174
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,636
You heard the commandant.
175
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,510
He would like to
have volunteers.
176
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:17,011
We heard him, Schultz.
177
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,412
They heard you, Herr Kommandant.
178
00:08:18,481 --> 00:08:20,125
Shut up, Schultz.
Did you hear that?
179
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:21,950
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
180
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:24,769
Now, this is a good cause.
181
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:28,806
They're having a
terrible time in Russia,
182
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,875
and you, as soldiers,
183
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:34,179
should be willing to
help your fellow soldiers.
184
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:39,033
Don't let a little thing
like being at war stop you.
185
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,386
Sir, I volunteer.
186
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,987
Wonderful, Carter.
187
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,656
As soon as I find out how much
188
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:46,644
Adolf Hitler donated
to the U.S.O.
189
00:08:48,912 --> 00:08:50,690
Silence! You will
work at the party,
190
00:08:50,714 --> 00:08:51,974
and that's an order.
191
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,499
Commandant, I don't think
the Geneva Convention
192
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,401
allows you to work
prisoners of war
193
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,969
at a tea party for the enemy.
194
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,949
You will help out
at the tea party,
195
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,607
or I will have all the
lights turned out at 6:00.
196
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,776
What you mean is
"light" out at 6:00, sir.
197
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,711
We've only got
one bulb that works.
198
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,397
And you promised to replace
the others two weeks ago, sir.
199
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:12,500
You are absolutely
right, Newkirk.
200
00:09:12,568 --> 00:09:16,037
Today, I will replace
all the bulbs...
201
00:09:16,106 --> 00:09:18,272
and then turn them out.
202
00:09:19,775 --> 00:09:23,544
Now what do you say about
my little tea party, huh, Hogan?
203
00:09:23,613 --> 00:09:25,013
One lump or two, sir?
204
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,019
There's the drop.
205
00:09:32,088 --> 00:09:33,722
Look, a parachute!
206
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,557
This way. Schnell.
207
00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:37,670
Patrol! We haven't got a chance.
208
00:09:37,694 --> 00:09:38,993
Come on, follow me.
209
00:09:42,866 --> 00:09:43,866
Halt!
210
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,060
Halt!
211
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,487
What's that?
212
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:23,755
Penicillin.
213
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,468
Why didn't you
deliver it to Danzig?
214
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,258
Because the German
patrols followed us,
215
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,526
and they started shooting.
216
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:30,039
Well, did either of you get hit?
217
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:31,063
No.
218
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,497
I wish I'd been so lucky.
219
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,633
This excruciating
pain in my shoulder
220
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:37,268
feels like a hot poker
tearing into my flesh.
221
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:39,871
Yeah, but you're being
so plucky about it, LeBeau.
222
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,818
Wouldn't you like
a bullet to bite on?
223
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,541
Thanks a lot.
224
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,409
The patrol's still there.
225
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,712
How many are there?
Maybe we can jump them.
226
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,429
No chance. Some of
their friends just joined in.
227
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:54,680
The woods are full of Gestapo.
228
00:10:54,704 --> 00:10:57,205
Sir? You know, if we
could wait a little while,
229
00:10:57,273 --> 00:11:00,074
I could slip out alone and
get that stuff to Danzig.
230
00:11:00,143 --> 00:11:02,654
We wouldn't get five
feet from the tree stump.
231
00:11:02,678 --> 00:11:04,790
Sir, so what do we
do with this penicillin?
232
00:11:04,814 --> 00:11:06,094
I don't know.
233
00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:09,984
So it shouldn't be a total
loss, I could use a shot.
234
00:11:19,462 --> 00:11:20,928
You think London can make a drop
235
00:11:20,997 --> 00:11:22,897
exactly at the
Underground headquarters?
236
00:11:22,966 --> 00:11:25,111
I'm afraid it's too risky.
237
00:11:25,135 --> 00:11:27,701
You know, if they could
move Danzig into town,
238
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,570
I could get out in a dog truck.
239
00:11:29,639 --> 00:11:31,050
No, they've doubled the guards
240
00:11:31,074 --> 00:11:33,619
because of all those
generals' wives that are coming.
241
00:11:33,643 --> 00:11:36,077
Hey, I got a couple of ideas.
242
00:11:36,146 --> 00:11:38,457
Speak up, Carter.
We're desperate.
243
00:11:38,481 --> 00:11:39,747
Okay.
244
00:11:39,816 --> 00:11:42,083
I got some dynamite
in my footlockers.
245
00:11:42,152 --> 00:11:43,417
So we make a rocket.
246
00:11:43,486 --> 00:11:45,686
We put the penicillin
in the steel casing,
247
00:11:45,755 --> 00:11:48,156
and we tell Klink
today's the anniversary
248
00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:50,575
of the end of the
Spanish-American War.
249
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,205
Now, according to the
Geneva Convention,
250
00:11:52,229 --> 00:11:54,256
we've got the right to
celebrate national holidays.
251
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,546
Right?
252
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:57,715
So we take this rocket, see,
253
00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:00,384
and we aim it toward
Danzig's headquarters.
254
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:03,554
We set it off, and the
penicillin's delivered.
255
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:06,557
What's the other idea?
256
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:09,727
Well, this one's a little crazy.
257
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:14,215
Carter, you astound me.
258
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:19,298
Schultz, don't you know you're
supposed to be announced?
259
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,455
I'm sorry, Colonel Hogan.
260
00:12:21,524 --> 00:12:25,226
I rang, but your
doorbell was out of order.
261
00:12:25,295 --> 00:12:27,394
Here, LeBeau.
262
00:12:27,463 --> 00:12:30,731
Here is your hors d'oeuvres
menu for the tea party.
263
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,900
Deviled eggs, smoked salmon,
264
00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:36,403
stuffed mushrooms, pâté
de foie gras. Mm-hmm.
265
00:12:36,472 --> 00:12:38,405
Chipped sauerbraten on toast?
266
00:12:38,474 --> 00:12:40,074
That's my suggestion.
267
00:12:40,143 --> 00:12:42,076
And where am I going
to get all these things?
268
00:12:42,145 --> 00:12:43,222
Corporal Mittendorfer
269
00:12:43,246 --> 00:12:45,458
is going to bring it
from the mess hall.
270
00:12:45,482 --> 00:12:46,725
I'm going to need a
few things, you know.
271
00:12:46,749 --> 00:12:48,082
What for?
272
00:12:48,151 --> 00:12:49,561
Well, you don't think I'm
letting Frenchman here
273
00:12:49,585 --> 00:12:51,063
make the tea, do you?
He hasn't got a clue.
274
00:12:51,087 --> 00:12:52,520
Don't they drink tea in France?
275
00:12:52,588 --> 00:12:54,788
We don't drink anything
we don't stomp on.
276
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,068
Now, listen.
277
00:12:56,092 --> 00:12:58,592
I'd like a pound of
the finest Darjeeling,
278
00:12:58,661 --> 00:13:00,406
two gallons of spring water,
279
00:13:00,430 --> 00:13:01,710
a copper kettle,
280
00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:04,076
and a sterling silver service.
281
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,866
Anything else?
282
00:13:05,935 --> 00:13:09,037
Oh, yeah, and a
needlepoint tea cozy.
283
00:13:09,105 --> 00:13:12,040
Colonel Hogan, better get ready.
284
00:13:12,108 --> 00:13:15,292
Don't want to be
late for the party.
285
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:16,561
What's to get ready, Schultz?
286
00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:18,757
We only have to put on
our ties and shine our shoes.
287
00:13:18,781 --> 00:13:21,215
Hey, is this tea going
to be formal then?
288
00:13:21,284 --> 00:13:22,884
Of course.
289
00:13:22,952 --> 00:13:24,263
Oh, well, if it's formal,
290
00:13:24,287 --> 00:13:25,764
we'll go through
the delousing station.
291
00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:27,554
Jolly joker.
292
00:13:27,623 --> 00:13:29,390
I'll see you later.
Ah, you, too.
293
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,225
Ah, go on. Good-bye.
294
00:13:31,294 --> 00:13:33,394
I better get ready.
295
00:13:33,462 --> 00:13:34,929
There's got to be a way
296
00:13:34,998 --> 00:13:37,064
to get that
penicillin to Danzig.
297
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:39,367
We've got to get somebody
out of camp, but how?
298
00:13:39,435 --> 00:13:41,613
You sure you don't want
to hear my second idea?
299
00:13:41,637 --> 00:13:44,005
We didn't want to
even hear your first one.
300
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,051
LeBeau, how many
women would you say
301
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,220
you're making the
hors d'oeuvres for?
302
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,677
Well... from this order,
303
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:53,647
I would say... oh, at least ten.
304
00:13:53,716 --> 00:13:55,016
In a crowd like that,
305
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,396
I don't think anybody
would notice another woman,
306
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,631
and she could always
get a ride into town
307
00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:01,217
with one of the other ladies.
308
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,107
Just who did you
have in mind, sir?
309
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:08,713
I've always liked
you in basic black.
310
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,298
Colonel Hogan, you
better come quick, sir.
311
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,229
Papa Bear calling
Red Riding Hood.
312
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,064
Papa Bear calling
Red Riding Hood.
313
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:27,532
Come in, Red Riding Hood.
314
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:29,117
This is Red Riding Hood.
315
00:14:29,185 --> 00:14:30,468
Go ahead, Papa Bear.
316
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,137
Would you please
repeat your last message?
317
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,284
The patient is in
very serious condition
318
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,741
and failing fast.
319
00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:38,743
It is absolutely imperative
320
00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:41,579
that he get the
penicillin immediately.
321
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:43,926
This is Papa Bear,
Red Riding Hood.
322
00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:45,166
Hang in there.
323
00:14:45,234 --> 00:14:47,379
The penicillin is on the way.
324
00:14:47,403 --> 00:14:48,752
Over and out.
325
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,671
Basic black.
326
00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:52,340
The colonel's gone crackers.
327
00:14:52,408 --> 00:14:54,007
I could get shot doing this.
328
00:14:54,076 --> 00:14:55,554
You're not a bad-looking lady.
329
00:14:55,578 --> 00:14:58,679
I might be a bad-looking dead
lady if the Germans catch me.
330
00:14:58,748 --> 00:15:00,013
Would you mark my program?
331
00:15:00,082 --> 00:15:01,816
I would like every
dance with you.
332
00:15:01,884 --> 00:15:02,950
Leave off, would you?
333
00:15:03,018 --> 00:15:05,058
I could be dancing
at the end of a rope.
334
00:15:05,087 --> 00:15:06,632
Well, if you
aren't, I'll take you
335
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:08,233
by the canteen
and buy you a beer.
336
00:15:08,257 --> 00:15:12,894
You sure know how to
show a girl a good time.
337
00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:25,917
Delightful tea party, isn't
it, General Burkhalter?
338
00:15:25,941 --> 00:15:27,919
If you like tea parties.
339
00:15:27,943 --> 00:15:29,877
Guests are certainly
enjoying themselves, sir.
340
00:15:29,945 --> 00:15:31,423
That's the third tray
of hors d'oeuvres
341
00:15:31,447 --> 00:15:32,546
LeBeau has sent in.
342
00:15:32,615 --> 00:15:34,526
Uh, the fat little
lady in the red dress
343
00:15:34,550 --> 00:15:36,884
has been eating steadily
over an hour and a half.
344
00:15:36,952 --> 00:15:38,552
That's my wife.
345
00:15:38,621 --> 00:15:39,720
Did I say red dress?
346
00:15:39,788 --> 00:15:41,805
I meant green dress, of course.
347
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,557
I'm color-blind, you know.
348
00:15:43,626 --> 00:15:45,704
Klink, you meant the
lady in the red dress,
349
00:15:45,728 --> 00:15:48,073
and she has been eating steadily
350
00:15:48,097 --> 00:15:49,830
for an hour and a half.
351
00:15:49,899 --> 00:15:53,333
I'm sure Mrs. Burkhalter was
famished when she arrived.
352
00:15:53,403 --> 00:15:55,503
It's a long trip to
this camp, you know.
353
00:15:55,571 --> 00:15:58,005
Exactly two miles.
354
00:15:58,073 --> 00:16:01,058
And she ate a
sandwich in the car.
355
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:07,910
You gentlemen care
for some hors d'oeuvres?
356
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,868
I'd rather face the Russians.
357
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,369
LeBEAU: Excuse me, ladies.
358
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:13,871
Excuse me. Excuse me.
359
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,372
Excuse me.
360
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,041
Yeah. Danke.
361
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:20,044
LeBeau, your hors
d'oeuvres are a smash.
362
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,713
This crowd would eat
marinated dog food on a cracker.
363
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:23,993
Ah, you're too modest.
364
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,216
No, no, no.
365
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,885
I ran out of pâté, and
that's what I had to use.
366
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:31,189
Does it have enough seasoning?
367
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:39,279
It looks like that lady in
basic black has arrived.
368
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,326
Oh, my compliments to the chef.
369
00:16:52,395 --> 00:16:54,206
The hors d'oeuvres
are delicious.
370
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:55,663
You're very kind, madam.
371
00:16:55,732 --> 00:16:58,332
Could I have the
recipe for the marinade?
372
00:16:58,401 --> 00:17:00,000
Oh, oh, of course, madam.
373
00:17:00,069 --> 00:17:01,547
Oh, thank you. In the kitchen.
374
00:17:01,571 --> 00:17:02,670
Thank you.
375
00:17:02,739 --> 00:17:04,650
I am Mrs. Field
Marshal Mannheim.
376
00:17:04,674 --> 00:17:06,841
Field Marshal
Mannheim is my husband.
377
00:17:06,910 --> 00:17:08,342
This way.
378
00:17:08,411 --> 00:17:10,055
Uh, ready for the hors
'oeuvres, gentlemen?
379
00:17:10,079 --> 00:17:11,345
I'm starved.
380
00:17:11,414 --> 00:17:12,446
Carter!
381
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:15,366
Try one of those marinated jobs.
382
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:16,867
They're great.
383
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,871
Aren't they great?
384
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,220
Very tasty.
385
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,553
LeBeau has done
an excellent job.
386
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:25,709
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
387
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,045
He must have worked
like a dog to make these.
388
00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:30,364
You can say that again.
389
00:17:37,106 --> 00:17:38,706
Herr Kommandant.
390
00:17:38,775 --> 00:17:39,874
Yes, Schultz, what is it?
391
00:17:39,943 --> 00:17:41,754
I have a message
for General Burkhalter.
392
00:17:41,778 --> 00:17:42,898
Yes?
393
00:17:42,946 --> 00:17:45,312
We just received
a telephone call...
394
00:17:45,381 --> 00:17:48,315
Schultz, don't speak
with your mouth full.
395
00:17:48,384 --> 00:17:50,162
We just received
a telephone call
396
00:17:50,186 --> 00:17:52,319
from General
Schtottlemeyer's headquarters.
397
00:17:52,388 --> 00:17:55,490
His wife regrets, but
she cannot attend.
398
00:17:55,558 --> 00:17:57,492
Thank you, Schultz.
399
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:58,493
Jawohl.
400
00:17:58,561 --> 00:17:59,994
General.
401
00:18:00,062 --> 00:18:04,164
It's just as well Mrs.
Schtottlemeyer cannot come.
402
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:08,385
She wouldn't get near the
hors d'oeuvre table anyway.
403
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,167
Would you believe
that the fat little lady
404
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,602
in the red dress
is still eating.
405
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,692
Green dress.
406
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:15,693
Uh, g-green dress.
407
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:16,944
Of course. Green. Green.
408
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,013
Tell me, Klink.
409
00:18:19,081 --> 00:18:22,349
How many women did
you invite to the party?
410
00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:25,520
Well, counting Mrs.
Schtottlemeyer, ten, of course.
411
00:18:25,588 --> 00:18:29,356
How come there are
ten women at the party?
412
00:18:29,425 --> 00:18:31,592
It can't be.
413
00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:38,282
Why, General
Burkhalter, you are right.
414
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:39,917
There are ten ladies here.
415
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,803
Well, I'm sure one of the
ladies just brought along a friend.
416
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,422
Or one of the
ladies is an impostor.
417
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:48,326
I mean, what woman would
want to crash a tea party?
418
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,554
Especially one where
they're collecting money.
419
00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:53,146
Maybe it isn't a woman at all.
420
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:56,650
Perhaps it's Danzig, the
Underground leader, huh?
421
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:59,031
He is a female impersonator.
422
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,320
Ja, ja.
423
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:04,157
Klink, contact the
Gestapo at once.
424
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,159
General Burkhalter, I
can handle this myself.
425
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,195
I mean, a man of my experience
426
00:19:08,263 --> 00:19:10,330
knows a woman when he sees one.
427
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,832
How?
428
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:15,135
Oh, I just, uh,
mingle with the ladies.
429
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:16,731
Colonel? Hmm?
430
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:18,900
Bet you a candy bar
it's Mrs. Mannheim.
431
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:32,603
Enjoying yourself,
Mrs. Steiger, huh?
432
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:37,375
Wouldn't it be a riot
if the fat little lady
433
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:40,545
in the red dress is Danzig?
434
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,880
Sorry, sir.
435
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,239
What are you
looking at, Colonel?
436
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:09,907
Aha!
437
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,260
Are you mad?!
438
00:20:13,329 --> 00:20:14,761
How dare you?
439
00:20:14,831 --> 00:20:16,608
I thought you were Oskar Danzig.
440
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:20,200
I have never been so
humiliated in all my life.
441
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:22,419
Oh, you brute, give me that.
442
00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:25,256
Come, dear, I'll take
you to your hotel.
443
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:26,590
Mrs. Mannheim, please.
444
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,303
Please, Mrs.
Mannheim, I can explain.
445
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:29,571
Colonel Klink did that
446
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,139
only for reason of security.
447
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:34,097
And for reasons of security
the Colonel should be shot.
448
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,599
Oh, please, Mrs. Mannheim.
449
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:38,269
And I shall tell the Field Marshal
to recommend that. No, no.
450
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:41,272
Firing squad is too good
for a person like that.
451
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:42,606
Come, dear, come.
452
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:48,924
Mrs. Mannheim,
please. Please, please.
453
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:51,215
Mrs. Mannheim, I
beg of you, please stay.
454
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:52,428
Stay?!
455
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,218
Why should she stay?
456
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:55,619
You've had your laugh.
457
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,488
It was not done to insult you.
458
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,306
We are looking for a traitor.
459
00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:02,542
Oh, you suspected she was
a traitor for the fatherland?
460
00:21:02,611 --> 00:21:05,712
Wait till the Field
Marshal hears about this!
461
00:21:05,781 --> 00:21:07,714
And do not think that the Fuhrer
462
00:21:07,783 --> 00:21:09,950
will not hear about
your stupidity.
463
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,597
Oh, there's no need
to bother the Fuhrer
464
00:21:11,621 --> 00:21:12,901
with his stupidity.
465
00:21:12,955 --> 00:21:14,388
My stupidity?!
466
00:21:14,456 --> 00:21:17,842
Your stupidity, stupid!
467
00:21:17,894 --> 00:21:20,560
Come, dear, I'll drive
you to your hotel.
468
00:21:20,629 --> 00:21:22,729
Never mind, madam.
469
00:21:22,798 --> 00:21:25,110
I'll drive the lady into town.
470
00:21:25,134 --> 00:21:27,902
We don't need help
from you, young man.
471
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:33,964
Mrs. Mannheim, please
don't go away mad.
472
00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:47,950
Ladies, where are you going?
473
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:49,740
We are all going back to town.
474
00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:52,253
No, no. But Berta,
the party isn't over.
475
00:21:52,277 --> 00:21:54,545
It is as far as we are
concerned, Albert.
476
00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:56,480
We will not stay one more minute
477
00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:58,883
to watch anyone
humiliate Mrs. Mannheim,
478
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:02,887
the loveliest, dearest, most
sincere woman in the world.
479
00:22:04,456 --> 00:22:06,223
I knew it was a
wig all the time.
480
00:22:06,291 --> 00:22:08,559
Berta! Berta!
481
00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:10,227
Mrs. Formeildorf.
482
00:22:10,295 --> 00:22:13,680
Berta, please.
Ladies, stay. Please.
483
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,426
Please! Eh, you win, Colonel.
484
00:22:15,450 --> 00:22:17,050
Mrs. Mannheim wasn't Danzig.
485
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:18,385
Hogan!
486
00:22:18,453 --> 00:22:19,887
It was her mustache
that fooled me.
487
00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:22,722
Klink!
488
00:22:22,791 --> 00:22:24,071
Don't just stand there.
489
00:22:24,126 --> 00:22:25,938
We still must find the impostor!
490
00:22:25,962 --> 00:22:28,329
Ja, ja. Please, ladies!
491
00:22:30,433 --> 00:22:32,249
Oh, no.
492
00:22:32,317 --> 00:22:33,867
What is the matter?
493
00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:37,571
Who was that lady
with Mrs. Mannheim?
494
00:22:37,639 --> 00:22:39,573
That was no lady.
495
00:22:39,641 --> 00:22:41,741
That was your spy.
496
00:22:51,053 --> 00:22:53,687
Halt! Halt!
497
00:22:57,093 --> 00:22:58,859
Halt, I say.
498
00:22:58,927 --> 00:23:00,694
Halt!
499
00:23:00,762 --> 00:23:03,530
What's the matter with
you, old man, are you deaf?
500
00:23:03,599 --> 00:23:04,531
Bitte?
501
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,666
I said, are you deaf?
502
00:23:06,735 --> 00:23:08,869
Ah, moment.
503
00:23:10,772 --> 00:23:13,540
I said, are you deaf?
504
00:23:18,114 --> 00:23:23,217
It is exactly...
quarter past 8:00.
505
00:23:23,285 --> 00:23:25,219
Ach! Never mind.
506
00:23:25,287 --> 00:23:27,221
Mach schnell.
507
00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:34,957
Hey, Newkirk.
508
00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:35,981
I'm back!
509
00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:37,258
Hey, you are back. How's Danzig?
510
00:23:37,282 --> 00:23:38,682
He's great, sir.
511
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:40,629
He's going to be up in a
couple of days, right as rain.
512
00:23:40,653 --> 00:23:42,920
He's going to pass that
military information on.
513
00:23:42,989 --> 00:23:44,387
Good work. Thank you, sir.
514
00:23:44,456 --> 00:23:46,201
Hey, that's a pretty
clever disguise, man.
515
00:23:46,225 --> 00:23:47,235
Where'd you get it? Danzig.
516
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,659
Yeah, he's got a lot of 'em.
517
00:23:48,728 --> 00:23:50,238
You look younger. Oh, thank you.
518
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:51,406
We were worried about you.
519
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:52,710
What took so long?
520
00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:54,743
Well, I had to go through
Himmelburg, didn't I?
521
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:58,669
You know, those German
towns, great shortage of men there.
522
00:23:58,738 --> 00:24:01,304
So, naturally, when
all the frauleins saw
523
00:24:01,373 --> 00:24:05,042
a very, very attractive man
like me, they went crackers.
524
00:24:05,111 --> 00:24:07,077
I didn't want to
do it, mind you,
525
00:24:07,146 --> 00:24:09,046
but what could I do, you know?
526
00:24:09,115 --> 00:24:13,050
It's really nice to know,
though, that when I'm 70,
527
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:17,721
that I'm going to be
wildly attractive to women.
528
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:20,557
You know what I mean?
529
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:26,563
I suppose when you got it,
530
00:24:26,632 --> 00:24:29,232
you never really
lose it, do you?
35247
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