Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

["Someone To Watch Over Me"]

♪ There's a somebody I'm longing to see ♪

♪ I'd hope that ♪

♪ He turns out to be ♪

♪ Someone who'll watch ♪

♪ Over me ♪

♪ I'm a little lamb ♪

♪ Who's lost in the wood ♪

♪ I know I could ♪

♪ Always be good ♪

[male narrator] Peacemaker, the world's most advanced pilotless aircraft.

♪ Over me ♪♪

Basically, that represents the overall scheme of things.

Now, in print, you might wanna go with something like this

for the developed nations

namely NATO and the European markets.

Headline here, tag and logo over there.

Now, for the third world

or the emerging nations

you could tailor-make the campaign

to look something like this.

Or again, using the headline

"If not for you, for them"

but follow with the tag

"Your partner in freedom."

Which of course would give us the greatest

flexible leverage for mixed markets.

Frank, what we're looking for is an emotional impact

so the average guy in the street will look at these images

and say, "Yeah, that's something I'd like to protect

"like to preserve.

That's my life, and no one's gonna mess with it."

I might add that research showed

that 85 percent of those survey would protect these images

while 45 percent would actually go to war over them.

Then we discarded anything that scored lower.

Right. Uh, furthermore, the ad scored an overall 59 points

which is three points higher than Hertz's O.J. Simpson spots

or Purina's "Chow-chow-chows."

Two very hot items.

I'm very impressed, Frank.

It's soft.

It's, uh, it's rough, uh..

We could, we-we could play with it.

Yeah.

Well, Frank, I'm-I'm sure you can see

that we're tryin' for an institutional approach here.

to, uh, underplay the idea

that we're selling weapons of death.

E-even though that is the business we're in.

Let's understand something before we go any further.

We sell to dictators, military juntas

generals, presidents, premiers

who don't rent automobiles

eat cat food or get headaches.

'Now, what they do is buy weapons.'

Ostensibly those weapons that shoot the fastest

and the farthest and kill more for less.

We're in a battle to sell this plane, gentlemen.

And the enemy is not Moscow.

The enemy is Rockwell, Northrop, Lockheed

McDonnell Douglas, Grumman

and the rest of our worthy competitors

foreign and domestic.

'And what you're proposing is nothing'

'more than a public service message.'

[coughing]

[instrumental music]

[Jack] I'm Col. Jack Seamens and I'm here to tell you

about the good folks from Fairchild

who make the A-10 Tank Buster.

Its devastating firepower, outstanding

'search-and-strike capability and unmatched penetration'

make it more effective than any high-speed fighter plane.

The A-10 is a multi-mission defender

that can be launched from a tiny airstrip or even a highway.

When you're flying close support

you need all the maneuverability

and survivability you can get.

So why do I fly the A-10?

On account of it kills.

And that's the name of that tune.

Well, that's more like it.

Take that institutional stuff

and put it where the sun never shines.

[instrumental music]

- Do you feel comfortable? - Yes, yes.

- T-that's fine? No problem? - It's fine.

Oh, Frank, I need some approval on this.

Just do it, Pete. They're lovely. Wonderful.

- Sherm? - Yeah, Frank?

What's the story on San Miguel?

We cabled DeVoto Friday, told him to come back for one.

So?

He wants to stick it out a little further.

No more time.

But he's put three years into it, Frank.

Sure, the guy can't take the pressure.

He hasn't closed. Now, get somebody there who can.

- Where's Martin? - Kuwait.

Lindsey?

With Rockwell. You fired him months ago.

Oh, Christ, I forgot.

Where the hell have all the good salesmen gone?

- Don't answer that. Management. - Management.

Do it. Okay, let's go.

[man speaking in Spanish]

[speaking in Spanish]

[bell toiling]

[fireworks explosion]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[man on TV speaking in Spanish]

[singing in Spanish]

[speaking in Spanish]

[Eddie] It's only my second day in San Miguel and I'll tell you

I'm ready to hitchhike to Jonestown

for a few laughs and a cool drink.

This place is hotter than Dolly Parton's mini-pad.

My job takes me all over the world.

Lebanon, Nicaragua, Newark, you name it, I'm in there.

Always where the action is.

[instrumental music]

[Eddie] Oh, my, oh, my.

What's a place like this doing around a girl like that?

Either I'm spotting or my cigar's starting to sweat.

Oh, yeah, I saw her in the lobby before.

Bellhop said she checked in with a guy

half her size and twice her age.

Must be taller on his back.

Maybe he married her for the view.

Nah, she can 't be married.

Hold your stomach in, Ed.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Jesus, that's about the deadliest

"Merry Christmas" I've ever got.

- Sorry. - Oh, don't be sorry, be happy.

It's Christmas Eve.

What are you doing down here?

I won a contest.

I'm impressed.

[Catherine] 'What about you?'

About ten minutes ago, I was in Vermont at a wishing well

and I dropped a quarter, and here I am.

You forgot your snowshoes.

[Eddie] 'You know, it's a beautiful world. It really is.'

[Catherine] 'Is it?'

SenorMuntz..

...clients are waiting.

Clients.

If you're still awake when I get back, let's go somewhere.

[Catherine] I have other plans.

[speaking in foreign language]

[knock on door]

[door opens]

Thank you, Juan.

So, gentlemen, how goes the war?

Eddie Muntz. Nice to see you. Nice to see you.

Okay, let's get started.

Now, what we have here is an HK91, 7.62 NATO rifle

made by H&K Industries of West Germany.

Used only once in the '68 Yemen rebellion

and given the way things went, I doubt whether they got off

more than a few rounds.

It looks new. It is new.

Now, incidentally, I would not recommend this maneuver

in the field of combat for obvious reasons.

You got your 20-round mags..

...900 rounds per minute firepower when fully automatic.

This is a quality weapon all around, gentlemen.

Optical sights here, telescopic, of course.

Built-in wire cutters.

You got a wire, you wanna cut it

it's built right in here.

Now, here's little something I kinda enjoy.

Let's say you've had a rough day of guerilla warfare.

The revolution's bogged down, you're hot, you're tired

you smell like you smell now

you need a little refreshment.

This bottle opener on the side here

will open bottles of all nationalities.

Feliz Navidad.

- Merry Christmas. - Gracias.

My friends, I do believe that this is the weapon

that'll allow you to achieve your political objectives.

[grunts]

Now, here's a little item I think

you might go for in a big way.

Dragon-teeth mines.

Made in the US and used successfully

in Vietnam, I might add.

These little honies won't kill you

but they're guaranteed to take a foot off.

Take a couple of samples.

Take them home, see if you like them

let me know how many you need, okay?

- It goes boom. Big boom, yeah. - Boom, boom.

Keep them wet with freon.

They're armed and shouldn't be moved..

Boom, that's right.

Now, this here is a shoulder-length tank buster

with infrared capability for unexcelled night vision.

Juan, come here.

Now, simply hold it like this. It's very light, no problem.

You sight through here. See anything out there?

You should be able to read the serial numbers

'without much of a problem.'

[speaking in foreign language]

No, not the moon, not the moon.

[speaking in foreign language]

Down there.

[speaking in foreign language]

As you can see, gentlemen, this is very simple to operate.

You simply lock the target in the sight

and the rest is, well..

[explosion]

[explosion]

...easy.

[speaking in foreign language]

Order forms are in the catalog, gentlemen.

I hope we can do business together.

[instrumental music]

[Eddie] When the going gets tough

I learned never to underestimate

the power of a demonstration.

[speaking in foreign language]

Please do not harm me.

Give me money or I kill you.

Don't harm me.

Give me your wallet.

What's in the box?

- Nothing of value. - Open it.

[rifle cocking]

Oh.

I-I-I-I think I made a mistake.

'Yes, you have.'

I'm sorry for the unnecessary inconvenience.

Sir, give me your gun.

You want my gun?

But your gun is bigger.

Give me your gun.

I-i-it is a pleasure for me

to give you my gun.

Merry Christmas.

Sir...give me your money.

'First, you take my gun, now you want my money, too?'

Give me your money.

I only have a few coins.

'I'll take 'em.'

[speaking foreign language]

Feliz Navidad.

[speaking foreign language]

[Eddie] This is nothing more than a nickel-plated.38 made in Italy.

It's worth maybe 50 bucks wholesale.

You know, the amateurs

have taken over the streets everywhere.

You know, it's really a sorry world

when this kind of thing happens on Christmas Eve.

[instrumental music]

[whistles]

[speaking in foreign language]

[panting]

[grunting]

I'll just take this grenade.

[speaking in foreign language]

[helicopter whirring]

[indistinct chatter]

[gunfire]

[explosion]

[indistinct yelling]

- The suitcase. Get the money! - Are you crazy?

Get the money! Get it now!

[helicopter whirring]

Hey!

[gunfire continues]

Son of a bitch!

[both grunting]

[gunfire continues]

Agh!

Let go, you son of a bitch!

Aah!

[panting]

Ugh!

[gunfire]

Aah! Jesus, I'm hit. I'm hit!

[grunting]

The money!

God damn it, get the money. Christ, the money!

[Eddie] Something tells me I'm out of cash flow

for the next fiscal year.

[door opens]

Hey.

- What time is it? - What?

What time is it?

- It's 10:15. - 10:15?

Well, what day is it?

It's Monday.

The day after Sunday?

And followed by Tuesday if all goes well.

Ahh!

It's Monday and it's 10:15.

I just busted my hand.

- What, you just get the bill? - Come on in here.

I wanna show you something.

Hey, now what do you think of this?

It's okay, isn't it?

'You know, I sent a kid out with a C-note?'

He comes back with this.

I'm trying to blow my brains out.

I don't even know how to work it.

'Ha-ha! Do you know anything about guns?'

I'm afraid I don't.

See, I think you just put the bullet in like that.

And then you just turn that thing.

Yeah, just like that!

It shouldn't be a problem, should it?

I'm afraid, I didn't catch your name.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- Harold DeVoto. - Ed Muntz.

- Ah! - Sorry.

You see, Ed, you see, I can't leave the room here

because I, I happen to be waiting for a phone call.

'It's been six weeks now, and I haven't left for once.'

Now, do you know what that is?

Now, this is what we call the Peacemaker.

And I am trying to sell 50 of these

with instructions and maintenance

and ground and air control.

That's a $300,000,000 contract, Ed

and it's right there.

You're with Luckup.

You know that is 250 pages

and that is three years work

and this is a lifetime!

'And now they're saying, "Wow, everything's approved.'

'"Just one more phone call'

one more approval and then we'll call ya."

[scoffs] You see, we'll call you!

You get it?

And it's been six weeks, right through Christmas.

And you see now my bride is telling me

"Oh, I'm leaving you.

Well, you can't blame me."

And you see, I still cannot leave the room

because I am waiting for the phone call!

Because, you see, they only call once.

'And if I'm not here, well, then they just'

'go with the French Mirages'

'or they just go with the Eagles!'

[sighs]

I really don't know.

Because I'm just getting so tired.

And I just wanna know, why don't they call?

[sobbing] You see, Ed, the thing is

I don't wanna lose her.

I just wanna go home.

'I just wanna go home now.'

Harold.

[crying]

Hey, Harold. Harold.

- Harold, listen to me. - Yeah?

Harold, Harold, the important thing.

- Yeah. - Here's what I'm getting at.

The important thing is to make the sale.

- Yeah, yeah. - Okay?

This is why you came here, Harold.

- Do you understand? - Oh, yeah.

- This is why you came here. - Uh-huh.

That's what you're here for. This is your mission.

You gotta complete your mission, Harold.

And when you do, odds on, you will.

- When the phone rings.. - Yeah.

When you bring home the contracts, 300,000,000 bucks.

[giggles]

Your associates will be proud of you

your country will be proud of you

balance of payments, jobs, all that crap.

Your wife, very proud of you, Harold.

I really, I really need, I really need it.

I know. I know that.

And listen to me, even you, you know what I'm saying?

Even you will be proud of you, Harold.

Bless you, Ed. Thank you.

Thank you.

[sighs]

I don't think you'll be needing these anymore.

'Oh, no.'

[groans]

[gun shot]

[sighs]

[telephone rings]

[ringing continues]

Yeah?

Yeah, thank you.

Yes, sir.

Fine and yourself?

No, no, my name is Eddie Muntz.

Uh, Mr. DeVoto had to leave for personal reasons.

'I'll be assuming his responsibilities here.'

Eddie Muntz.

Yes, I, uh, I have the contracts right here in front of me.

Who are you with?

Luckup.

Oh, the drones?

Nice plane.

I am with Dassault.

Air-to-ground designated missiles.

Bonjour.

[speaking in foreign language]

He said, "It was a pleasure doing business with you

and when you come to Moscow, come must come and visit us."

[speaking in foreign language]

SenorMuntz?

SenorMuntz.

[speaking in foreign language]

'We're all sorry that Harold'

could not be with us at this time

and hope that he will return to visit.

[Eddie] Oh, I'm sure he will, general.

- A-an accident? - Oh, just a scratch.

[speaking in foreign language]

Thank you, thank you.

SenorMuntz,a question and an observation.

The Peacemaker system is untested in combat.

Well, yes, sir, that's a true fact.

Uh, but if I'm not mistaken we don't have a major conflict

anywhere in the world where we could demonstrate

the effectiveness of the Peacemaker even if we wanted to.

I mean, it's, it's state of the art, if you see my meaning.

One item that would be of extreme importance

would be the transfer of technology to San Miguel.

The transfer of technology?

As we discussed with Harold

we would insist that our purchase take the form of, uh..

[speaking in foreign language]

Soft money, general.

Yes. Soft money.

Luckup Corporation would provide the consulting expertise

and the prototype, in sections, of course.

We will build the planes here in San Miguel.

You've discussed this, uh, with Harold?

Well, then I see no cloud on the horizon.

Well, SenorMuntz.Colonel..

Uh, while I'm at it, can you use any, uh, short arms?

Handguns, grenades?

No, gracias, senor, we have all we need.

Incidentally, general, you know, when I first came in here

uh, nobody searched me.

I mean, a guy can walk in here with a bomb in his briefcase

and, uh, blow you all away.

Ah!

[speaking in foreign language]

Easy, easy.

[guns cocking]

[laughs]

'Radio transistor! Ha-ha-ha!'

[speaking in foreign language]

'You have a good sense of humor.'

[gunfire]

These little babies go for $400 over the counter.

My price to you, if you'll take a thousand, $315.

General, my compliments.

[laughs]

In the spirit of true friendship

we wish to thank you and your company for your cooperation.

And hope you will accept this small gift on our behalf.

Completely unnecessary.

[speaking in foreign language]

[in unison] Viva la liberta!

Viva la liberta.

[Eddie] These links are ten-carat gold and made in Taiwan.

Total garbage. Wouldn't wear them to a pig's bris.

But I'm sitting with a $300,000,000 contract

which I figure has to be worth at least a couple of mil

to yours truly.

Hey, it's a hell of a way to make a living

but somebody's gotta do it.

[speaking in foreign language]

Well, hello.

Hey, what are we waiting for? I got a plane to catch.

Un momento, senor.

You enjoy your stay?

Mr. Muntz, please.

I lost my husband yesterday.

Well, we got a few minutes, maybe we can find him.

[engine rumbling]

[horn honking]

[speaking in foreign language]

[instrumental music]

- Eddie. - Raymond.

- How are you? - Good, man.

- Welcome back. - Thanks.

So, what happened?

In San Miguel, the women believe that all pleasure

begins with your feet.

So they broke your foot?

Broke my heart.

- Hey, you look good. - Good to see you, man.

Good to see you.

Do you know anything about a new plane called the Peacemaker?

Why?

I think I just sold 50 of 'em.

[telephone rings]

[Eddie] 'Western Defense.'

'Yeah, Colonel Dabudo, nice to hear you again.'

Yes, I believe we have you down for, uh..

'...500 Claymore mines.'

'Yeah, you got your folding legs'

'push-button controls, 50-meter kill zone.'

'It's a beautiful little item.'

Colonel, listen, while we're at it, can I interest you

in some M217s with combination impact

and time-delay fuse?

Not today, huh? Pardon?

'You need 500 anti-tank weapons?'

Uh, expecting an invasion, colonel?

Wha-what?

The whales are coming too close to your coastline?

Okay, we'll see what we can do about it.

Right. I'm sorry, what?

A Trinitron?

'Oh, I believe they're the best for color.'

'Allow me to, uh, check with my associate.'

Colonel, good news.

We're gonna include it in the package.

That's right, a 19-incher.

And a VCR recorder. You, uh, you need any tape?

Uh, a tape of what?

Deep throat?

'Uh, no problem. We'll include it.'

Thank you very much. Say hello to your wives.

- 'Ed' - 'Yeah.'

I think you should know something, man.

'What's that, Ray?'

I'm thinking of giving my life to Jesus Christ.

[chuckles]

- What? - I'm very serious about this.

Ray, whatever you do with your Sundays

is your own private concern.

I gotta get out of it. I gotta get out, man.

I just, I just feel like it's destructive to my soul.

I'll be blunt.

We're flirting with bankruptcy here, Ray.

It's desperation time. This is definitely not a sane response.

[crickets chirping]

Eddie, where do you keep the salad dressing?

Corner shelf, behind the pancake mix.

What a beautiful boy. Yeah.

Looks just like his Uncle Eddie.

Here it is. Here it is.

Come on.

Chow time.

I never ask you about your work, Eddie, you know this.

I know, Freddie.

As far as I'm concerned

you have your privacy, and I respect that.

I appreciate that.

All I know is

you go on these trips

you say you're going here and here and here.

I turn on the news, and there's trouble here and here and here.

You come home, show some slides

these places don't exist anymore.

I worry about you, Eddie. You're my brother.

Ah, there's no point in worrying, Freddie.

'No?'

No, not in the long run.

Why don't you come in with me, Eddie, hm?

- Oh, come on. - C'mon.

You'll make good dough, you'll have a life

What you're doing now, it's no life.

Freddie, I think the kid's having an activity here.

Woo-oh, yeah.

- Great. - I think maybe you scare him.

Barb?

You got a pail?

- It's okay. Yeah, I know. - Aw.

[male #1] 'Testing one, two, three. Is this mike on?'

[helicopter whirring]

Testing, testing one, two, three.

Are we alright, guys?

You don't need a pilot.

Cockpit instrumentation, armor

ejection system, pressure controls.

All you gotta do is turn it on and pull the trigger.

Add that to the saving of $1,000,000

it costs to train a single pilot.

You'll see why we think the Peacemaker's

the most cost-effective aircraft ever offered.

How much for operation and maintenance, Frank?

Oh, a billion here, a billion there.

But just think what it'll cost the Russkies

to defend against it, general.

[indistinct chatter]

Computer display activated.

Positive.

Comm antenna selector activated.

Positive.

[metal rattling]

What the hell is that?

Hum in the air conditioner.

[thud]

I understand General Huddleston

gave up a foursome at Pebble Beach to be here.

'So I guess that means our ass is really on the line.'

[crowd laughing]

Up to now, drones have been used primarily

for surface-to-air missile training

day and night surveillance, and target purposes.

The Peacemaker is a computer controlled deterrent deployer

boasting a navigational system without error to the target.

Deterrent delivery with pinpoint accuracy.

A lightweight plane with a heavyweight punch.

'Virtually undetectable by enemy radar.'

I've got a red flag on 83-four-Charlie.

Will, give us an RF spectrum scan on four-Charlie.

I don't see anything.

What do you think?

Run a fault-isolation scan.

What did we forget?

[metal clanking]

All the bells and whistles they put in this thing

you'd think they could do better than a surplus air conditioner.

[clanking]

And please keep this in mind.

An unmanned vehicle, a drone

does not bleed, die

get addicted to drugs

shoot its officers, or refuse to fight.

[laughter]

With Peacemaker, you don't need a hangar.

You don't need a runway.

Why, you can launch one of these babies right out of your garage.

Uh, that's a two-car garage, isn't it, Frank?

You've got that right, Senator Bryce.

Senator, General Huddleston

distinguished guests

may I present the Peacemaker.

[instrumental music]

[cheering]

[cheering continues]

'And now, to christen the Peacemaker'

'on its maiden public voyage'

'is the lovely star of the hit television series'

"One is a Crowd"

Miss Gloria Della Rosa.

[crowd cheering]

Okay, that's it, take the bottle.

Yeah, now look over here.

Now give it a good crack.

[glass shatters]

[machine whirring]

- 'Now, what's wrong?' - 'How about this?'

Oh, this damn Army reject.

Oh, God, it's in this board back here. Hold on.

[indistinct chatter]

Ah!

What the hell are they doing? W-what's going on? Let's go.

- Uh, Frank. - What?

Uh, Frank, we've run into a small snag.

What?

Oh, we got a slight voltage drop in one of the encoder circuit.

I-I think it's the high temperature.

The air conditioner isn't up to the load

it could be causing the shift in the, uh--

- What do you want? - Electronic equipment.

- Pardon? - What are you telling me?

Well, Frank, just for safety's sake

we'd like to trace this bugger down.

Dr. Rechtin, I got half the Pentagon

'cooking in a goddamn oven out there.'

- 'Now, how serious is this?' - Well, it's not serious now--

Well, then launch the goddamn plane.

In other words, Frank, you wanna go as is?

Dr. Rechtin, I don't consider 250,000,000

in cost overruns alone in R&D

to be as is!

Now, launch the goddamn plane!

Launch it.

[indistinct chatter]

[whirring]

Wow.

[Will] 'Switching to demonstration maneuver software.'

'Effective heading, 2-5-9.'

[aircraft droning]

Oh, we're still on the course

heading at 1-3-5, are we?

[Will] 'That's a rog, better try manual control.'

'I'm not reading a response to the demonstration software.'

This is a glorious and momentous occasion.

As an ex-fighter pilot engaged in the struggle

for the liberation of Southeast Asia.

'I can tell you that...we had faith.'

'We had a sense of mission..'

'...but we did not have airplanes that were survivable.'

You have the screw? That screw down there.

Where's the plane, Rechtin?

Oh, that's a good question, Frank.

Best we can tell, it took a heading of

2-6-0 towards Long Beach.

- Long Beach? - That's a rog.

The plane went to Long Beach?

That's what it looks like, Frank.

Why don't we turn it around?

Well, we're working on that right now.

Can somebody tell me what the hell's going on?

- We think it could be water. - Water?

Well, because of the demo today, we washed it down last night.

The water must've fouled the electronics.

First it's the air conditioning, now it's the water.

I mean, are you guys pulling my tit or what?

Washing it was sheer stupidity.

- Should do great tomorrow. - 'Tomorrow?'

After it dries.

There is no tomorrow, you assholes!

Have you ever heard of rain?

[male #2] 'Northbound on the harbor'

'we've got a small fender-bender'

'going on at the Slauson off-ramp'

'that's got things tied up just a bit.'

'Traffic's backed up maybe, uh, a mile.'

If you can find an alternate route

I would, uh, definitely do so.

Southbound on the harbor, things are getting pretty smooth

for this time of day.

Christ, he's shooting at us!

[indistinct chatter]

[male #3] 'What the hell's going on up here?'

'Please be advised, general.'

Systems check. Preparations systems.

Come on.

I got no display.

Frank, should we abort?

Abort? You imbecile!

I've got all my customers out there!

- 'Where's your plane, Frank?' - It's fine, it's fine.

Everything's fine. It's fine.

Gentlemen, I'm afraid we-we..

[clears throat] ...owe you a little apology.

Some unexpected problems have developed

but I'm informed that we have everything under control.

This is a great day for the Air Force, senator.

Why is that, general?

Because the navy ordered

20 of those disasters.

Son of a bitch!

Duck and cover!

[dramatic music]

Oh-ho!

[male #4] 'Response still negative. I don't believe it.'

Oh, no! Shit!

[computer beeping]

- 'It's getting ready to fire!' - We're in deep shit.

[explosion]

[female reporter on TV] 'When Luchup Industries remote-controlled'

'aircraft the Peacemaker--'

[Eddie] 'You're where? Great.'

'Listen, I've got this Luchup deal all figured out, man.'

'They blew the navy sale'

so they gotta go for foreign.

Ray, we're talking about

pulling off the deal of the century here.

I mean, if that sort of thing interests you.

If he wills what, Ray? It?

'I don 't see any problem.'

[instrumental music]

Mr. Muntz.

Yes.

Do you remember me?

We met in San Miguel.

Oh, yes, of course. You suffered a loss.

Yes. My husband.

- I'm sorry. - Could we go inside?

I'd like to be frank with you.

Frank as the situation demands.

My, uh, my husband didn't leave his affairs in order.

In fact, he, uh, well, he..

...he left his mother and me in a great deal of debt

and she hasn't been feeling very well, poor thing

'and I had to put her in a nursing home and I thought--'

It's a cruel world, Mrs. DeVoto.

That's what keeps us from getting fat and lazy.

Mr. Muntz, I believe my husband was working

on some very important contracts.

Contracts that maybe worth a great deal of...money.

Would you care for some wine?

Thank you.

What'd your husband do?

'He was a salesman for an aerospace firm.'

Any particular one?

Luchup Industries.

You mean, you'd like me to check out these contracts

obtain your late husband's rightful commission

which you will gratefully split with me?

Sounds good.

Is your husband's mother doing well?

Is she what?

Is she doing well? She's in a nursing home.

She is. She..

It's really expensive, but I think it's doing some good.

Why don't you tell me

why you're really here, Mrs. DeVoto.

Well, I, I just did.

You come in here looking like a million bucks

and you're talking penny-ante.

Now, I think you're playing with me.

Well, uh, maybe I haven't been clear.

Oh, you've been clear about everything

except why you're here.

Here, now, I'm just dying to know.

I, I..

I didn't know where else to go.

Mrs. DeVoto.

I mean, I thought you could help.

Getting warmer.

I, I..

I've been so confused and so alone.

I mean, Mr. Muntz, maybe you don't know what it's like to..

[sobbing] '...to lose a loved one.'

[sobbing] I'm sorry.

'Oh, God.'

Here you go, try one of these.

Alright, I'm going now.

Sorry to have disturbed you.

Catherine, sit down. I believe you.

[mellow music]

Will you help me? Yes or no?

Hey, I can understand how you feel.

You're in a tough spot

and I'm really sorry.

But there's nothing I can do for you.

Mr. Muntz, there is something I wasn't going to bring up

but I think, perhaps under these circumstances..

...it's necessary.

And a man like you would understand

what I'm about to say.

You see, Ed..

I know you killed my husband.

I know you stole his contracts.

[clears throat]

- Is that loaded? - I have an itchy finger, Ed.

Harold?

- Oh! - Ah!

Oh, my God, what have you done?

Oh, Jesus! You shot my foot!

I'm sorry, you pushed my hand and--

Oh, God, it was healing and you shot it.

- Look at this! - I'm sorry, it was an accident.

Look at the carpet! I'm bleeding all over the carpet.

- Where are the towels? - Ow! Oh, Christ!

- I get so crazy sometimes. - 'Oh, Jesus! Look at this!'

Oh, Christ!

Hurry up! Look at my rug!

'I don't believe this. Look at the rug!'

'Look at my foot! Je..'

'Oh, crap! Oh, it's not stopping.'

- What do you want me to do? - 'Stop the bleeding.'

I don't know, cut the cast off. Oh! Oh! Come on.

- 'I really hate emergencies.' - Come on, will you?

Do something. What is that, a cork?

- Temporarily. - No, no. Ah!

- What do you say, Ed? - Ah! Oh, it's a burglar!

He's not a burglar. He's my partner.

Ed, now if you're busy, I can come back.

I'm not busy, Ray.

Come in. You gotta get in.

Listen, is, uh, something happening here, Ed?

- She shot me, man. - Oh, you shot him?

- Uh, yes, I did. - Where'd you shoot him?

- In the foot. - It's too kinky for me, Ed.

This is not kinky! This isn't kinky.

- Not at all. - Have I met you?

- Uh, Catherine DeVoto. - Oh, jeez, Ray Kasternak.

Oh, great, Ray. Sit down and have some wine.

- Hey, what's this cork doing? - Don't touch that cork!

Don't touch that cork!

I'm going out, Ray. I'm losing it. I'm losing it.

He's going out. He's losing it.

- I'm gonna vomit on the carpet. - Yeah.

Oh, God. Jesus.

Yeah, yeah. Alright, Ed. Alright.

We're getting you to the hospital.

- Come on. Come on. - I'm finished.

Can you get his other arm, please?

- Don't mess up my carpet, Ray. - Alright.

- Alright, we got you. - Got him.

- Uh, we're going back this way. - Get my coat.

- Come on. - Gotta get my jacket.

Don't worry about your coat.

You let this woman shoot you?

You're my friend, man.

Don't let them take it off.

No way. No way, Ed.

- Don't let them take it off. - No way, Ed.

- Ah! - Easy, slow down.

Listen, listen to me, Ray.

- What? - The contracts.

Don't worry about that, Ed. I got them right here with me.

Alright, over here. Over this way.

- I'm gonna throw up, Ray. - Alright. Careful.

Mr. Muntz, let me come right to the point.

We have the contracts.

Mrs. DeVoto delivered them to us.

'But they're not worth the paper they're printed on.'

Oh, really? Why not?

'The Cordosa government canceled last night.'

Now, I don't know what you did or who you dealt with..

...and I'm sure I don't want to know.

But you succeeded in days where we failed in years.

We'd like you to do it again.

Mrs. DeVoto has told us a good deal about you..

...particularly, your close ties with the Cordosa family.

Yes, I also told him about your tank deal with the Sudanese

the Honduran submarine sale and the heavy artillery

'transfer to the Rhodesians.'

Ed, General Cordosa will be in town tomorrow.

Starting Wednesday

every major arms manufacturer in the world..

..and every buyer of importance from 45 countries

will be at the West Coast arms show.

I want the Peacemaker sold

before the end of the show, Ed.

Think of what you'd be doing if you're successful.

You'll be putting bread on the tables

of 20,000 families at Luchup alone..

...plus the families of 10,000 or so subcontractors.

This one sale will mean jobs and prosperity.

An oasis of employment.

This is not just a sale, Ed..

...it's a struggle for the livelihood of your community

and your country.

It's a hell of a responsibility, Ed.

But I get the feeling you're...one hell of a guy.

What's my end, Hank?

[Eddie] Ray, all I'm saying is, we're in the ballpark.

Let's go one more innings, see what happens.

How's the leg, Ed?

It's agony, Ray.

If I never got shot in that leg again, it'll be too soon.

- I could kill that broad. - That woman is poison, man.

What time do we pick up the torch?

Six.

It's Anaheim, you think you can make it?

I can't, man. I can't. I got a meeting.

- A meeting, Ray? - Yeah, a prayer meeting.

Oh, Ray, right now this is trouble

and I don't need it, and here it is.

I don't think so.

[Eddie] 'Ray, did you ever hear the separation'

'of church and business?'

'The country was founded on it.'

I'm going through some changes, Ed. I can't.

So, what do you wanna do? Drop out of the business?

Go back to the service as a test pilot?

They won't hire you, Ray. You know this.

I was really good.

You weren't just good, Ray.

You were the best.

Somebody, anybody, asks me, I tell 'em you were the best.

You know, when I flew, Ed, it was just, it was beautiful.

I just...I felt like I was at one with the universe.

Look, play it any way you want.

What I'm saying is, you're not a rich man.

You can't afford to be spiritual full-time, Ray.

Ray, while I work out the particulars

of the Peacemaker deal, do me a favor, cover Simbo's for me?

I can't, I don't wanna--

He's sitting on a wad of flamethrowers at a decent price.

If they're any good, we could have a shot

at Angola, Mozambique.

Any number of places, given the right breaks.

Please, Ray, one more time for me.

Come on.

This is your basic M2A1.

You got your tank group here, you got your gun group here.

Fuel tank, pressure tank, connector, valve hose

ignition lever, nozzle shield, the enchilada.

You got some rust here.

Rust on my equipment, Ray? Oh-oh, no. Where?

Here in the valve section.

Oh, it's just a little rust, Ray. It's the dampness.

Get a kid in with an S.O.S pad, this'll clean up realnice.

Look, this is not a new weapon, Ray.

You want new, go to the manufacturer.

This hose looks split.

Ah, the hose will outlive the both of us, man.

We're talking a small item here. Two bits, any hardware store.

[Rick] 'It's a great buy, Ray.'

Rick just got back from Rhodesia. Didn't you, Rick?

You know I did, Charlie.

It's a beautiful weapon, Ray.

We take the house-warmer with us

when we chase the boogies to Mozambique.

'Cause when they're sitting in 'em thatched huts..

...you don't wanna go knocking on doors to find out who's who.

So we just get out the house-warmer..

...light him up, and out they run, just like ants.

'Then we pick and choose, pick and choose, pick and choose.'

[laughing]

[Eddie] 'You don't just walk up to a world figure and say'

'"Hello, general. How are you? How are the kids?'

I'm here to make all your political dreams come true."

These meetings take preparation. They could get technical on us.

Like?

Like, what does the plane look like?

I've never even seen it.

I have a trunk full of Harold's technical papers.

Oh, that's why we need Ray.

Ray was a test pilot in the Air Force.

He's one of the best technical men in the trade.

No disrespect, Muntz

but I don't think Ray's heart is really in this.

Look, don't you worry about Ray. Okay?

When it comes to business, Ray's all pro.

For I do not do the good that I want

but the evil I do not want is what I do.

Now, if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it..

'...but sin which dwells within me.'

That's a beautiful thought, Ray.

Romans 7:19 through 20.

Nineteen through 20. Isn't that beautiful, Mrs. DeVoto?

Too deep for me.

You know, Ray, I was just standing here

and thinking how much I'd love to spend

the afternoon discussing theology--

Hey, Ed, I'm not just talking about the--

No! Ray, 'cause we could really dust off the old Bible

and dig in and find a few Revelations

that could be handy in our everyday lives.

'Unfortunately, wild kingdom comes on in a half an hour'

'and you know me, Ray, I never miss an episode.'

You drive me nuts. You know that, don't you, Ray?

- Tony, don't start with me. - I don't want you come inside.

I don't want you coming inside.

I want you to wait out here when you come pick me up.

- Alright? - Alright, fine.

I don't want you standing around drinking soda pop

letting a bunch of guys look at your ass.

- Alright? - Hey, what's..

'Fine.'

[indistinct chatter]

I don't wanna hear it, alright?

[sighs] I can't believe..

Tony, watch out!

[horn honks]

[indistinct chatter]

[female #1] 'Hey, what's the matter with you?'

[Tony] 'Now, stay out of this, I'll handle this!'

- 'Don't yell at me, Tony!' - 'Get back in the car!'

[Tony] 'Get back in the car!'

Hey! Hey, man, you hit my car.

- I hit your car, man? - Yeah, yeah, you hit my car.

You hit the back of my.. Uh, look I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Wait, w-what are you talking about, sorry, man?

You hit my bumper. You smashed.. Look at this thing!

- Hey, are you blind? - Man, get out of here!

- Look, there's-- - What are you?

Some kind of an asshole?

It's nice to have met you both. Have a nice evening.

Hey, hey, bulldog.

Hey, bendigo.

Hey, I'm talking to you.

Hey, fancy pants, I'm talking to you.

Hey, how would you like if I hit your car, huh?

How would you like if I went like this, huh?

You like that, huh?

You like that?

- You like that, asshole? - 'Jerk!'

[Tony] 'You get back in that car.'

'Tony, stop screaming at me, goddamn it.'

You know, man that was completely

unnecessary and not right.

Look, I apologized, I said I was sorry.

Miss, could you excuse us for a second?

Hey!

[speaking in foreign language]

You don't talk to her, man. You talk to me.

- I'm trying to talk to you. - You got that, nigger?

Look, look, I said I was sorry. I'm apologizing to you.

You know, any damage that you feel I did

I'd be happy to pay for it.

Don't, let's not..

You know, you're getting too worked up, man.

- Worked up, man? - Look, just lighten up.

- Worked up? - Come on.

- I'll show you worked up. - Oh, man.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe this is happening.

You like that, boy?

- I don't believe this, man. - You like that?

[Ray] 'You know, I don't understand this, man.'

- What-what is your problem? - I got a problem, man?

Well, it seems like you got a problem.

No, no, you've got a problem, man.

You got a problem right here, man.

[Ray] 'Look, come on, man. What's your problem?'

- Right here. - You feel this is necessary?

You want a problem? You got a problem.

[grunting]

'Here's a little problem for you, right?'

[speaking in foreign language]

- 'A problem for you!' - You idiot! You goddamn idiot!

What's the matter with you, man?

[indistinct chatter]

- I'm your problem! - Tony, calm down, will you?

Huh? You want a problem? You got it!

'Tony, be careful.'

- What the hell is that? - Hey, where you going?

Come on back, I see you got a nice flame job here for you.

I'm gonna give you a little touch-up.

A little touch-up.

Just a little touch-up for you.

[instrumental music]

You met him in the service?

Yeah, Ray was a flyer. I was in the PX.

Why did Ray quit the service?

Oh, he didn't.

They took a dim view of his unauthorized flights.

How many?

Twenty-seven. Ray loves to fly.

Oh, man, I am so screwed up.

Yes, you are, Ray. I'll grant you that.

We've been friends a long time, Ed.

Best friends. Goes without saying.

I just don't want anything to get between us, man.

I'll never let that happen, man.

Light good enough for you, Ray?

Yes, it's fine.

Ray, is there anything else we can get for you?

No, I'm good. Thanks.

Here take a couple of these.

It'll help activate the coffee.

What's the "Meridian..

...subdividing into the Mercator solution?"

Well, he's going so fast, how can he absorb anything?

What do you think you're dealing with a couple of amateurs here?

You really want me to answer that?

Ray, what is the, uh, "Negative static margin

"of the, uh, longitudinal axis

of the Peacemaker's air-combat configuration?"

Could you heat this up for me, please?

- Surely. - Thank you.

[instrumental music]

Thank you, Muntz.

You sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in there?

Hm, where will you be?

I'll be where it's more comfortable.

Huh.

I'm fine here.

- Goodnight, Mrs. DeVoto. - 'Goodnight, Muntz.'

[Catherine] 'It's refreshing to meet a professional gentleman.'

Professional schmuck.

[instrumental music]

[Eddie] 'Oh, Mrs. DeVoto.'

[Catherine] 'Mm-hmm.'

[Eddie] 'Uh, one thing.'

'I forgot to mention I keep some items stored under the couch'

'which needn't alarm you, because they've been defused'

'and there's almost no chance of them going off.'

[music continues]

Muntz.

Duck and cover.

[Cordosa] 'Idiot, bring the ball up here. Come on, let's go.'

- Ah! Senor,Muntz. - Hey, general.

Good to see you again.

You remember Colonel Oswaldo Salgado?

Of course, allow me to introduce my associates.

Ray Kasternak, Catherine DeVoto.

Oh, now I am in trouble.

I am so easily swayed by a beautiful woman.

Gracias.

Now, senorMuntz, please tell me why it is that

my country should deploy this Peacemaker..

...when your country does not?

Oh, general, I'd like to clear up a misconception, if I may.

The Pentagon cancelled the Peacemaker

after one small mishap. Why?

Because of a couple of lousy defective parts

from some contemptible subcontractor?

I don't believe this, general. No.

I believe that from day one

the Air Force never intended to use the Peacemaker.

Why is that, senorMuntz?

Why, general? Why is that?

Because it's a pilotless vehicle.

The Air Force is full of pilots.

I mean, no one wants to be replaced by a machine.

Where would they go? What would they do?

How would they support their families?

What is your assessment

of the variable camera wing at this time?

At this time? Ray?

Our tests have shown conclusively

that the variable camera wing

provides improved lift coefficients

at high angle of attack..

...lower drag at a given lift

and, uh, significantly improved the buffet characteristics.

[Cordosa] 'Senorita.'

[Salgado] 'I understand that the transfer of certain technologies'

'incorporated in this design'

'were at one time restricted by your government.'

Are you referring to directional solidification?

Si, senor.

Yeah, well, this process of, uh

longitudinally aligning metal grains

is no longer restricted.

It should pose no problem.

I'd have to concur with that.

Uh, look, can we get to the bottom line here?

We got a plane, we call it the "Peacemaker."

You don't need any pilots.

You don't need a hangar. You don't need an airstrip.

You can keep the thing in your garage

and fire it out of your backyard.

One, possibly two technicians

in a trailer can control an entire squadron.

And each one of these things

can out-fly any manned aircraft going.

Now, if I may be a little bit frank, colonel, uh

you can buy your F-18s all day long

'but where you gonna find the pilots to fly them?'

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, look around, it's rust city down there.

If I'm not out of line here.

By the way, what sort of battery

do you recommend for the missile system?

- What kind do you want? - Well, what kind do you have?

- What do you want them to do? - What can they do?

- Ray? - You can use a thermal battery.

They can sit forever and won't activate till you need them.

- How much is the cost? - 'How many can you use?'

- How many will I need? - 'I can get you 500 at cost.'

And your country can have them before mine's.

Senor,Muntz, I am looking forward to the demonstration.

I don't think we should have any problem.

Please accept this small gift

as a token of true friendship.

Yes, thank you.

Oh. Oh.

Ray, you were terrific.

Here, take these in the spirit of true friendship.

I think they just bought themselves a drone.

Guy gives you two sets of links, he's either real forgetful

or he's trying to tell you something.

[Eddie] Hey, listen after the arms show

you're gonna be a wealthy man, Ray.

You could buy your own church.

You can start your own religion.

We're not building missiles to fight a war

we're building missiles to preserve the peace.

[instrumental music]

♪ Shine come on and shine ♪

♪ Open your mind ♪

♪ To all the love inside you ♪

♪ Shine let your love shine ♪

♪ In on your mind and I'll be here to guide you ♪

♪ Try just let him go ♪

♪ Just get it in ♪

♪ Trusting in all that mission ♪

♪ I'm letting you know.. ♪♪

[male announcer] 'Superweapons, the newest weapons of the world.'

'Fighting mechanisms'

'representing a crystallization'

'the cream of contemporary'

'science and man's intellect.'

'Each and every single one of them is alive'

'and on-station today throughout the world'

'taking a dramatic step forward towards tomorrow.'

[speaking in foreign language]

[Eddie] 'Yeah, that's a Mirage 2000, general. That's a prototype.'

'The way they're going, they won't even be in production'

'for two years.'

[male announcer] 'Tigershark, the F-20.'

'Boasting the world's fastest-thinking avionics.'

'The best dogfighter in the world.'

'The Mirage, an interceptor-attack aircraft'

'that combines power with smart looks.'

'Available in a choice of colorings.'

'Invulnerable to all enemy defenses'

'providing superior range'

'speed, accuracy and kill power.'

The range on these missiles can be extended with variable depth.

[male announcer] 'The B-1A, the world's newest bomber.'

'Manufactured by Rockwell International.'

[Huddleston] 'Can a nuclear war be won?'

The answer is yes.

The United States can survive a Soviet first strike

and retaliate, inflicting more damage

on them than they inflict on us.

With proper shelter and preparation

our leadership will survive intact

'our industry will function reasonably..'

'...and as Vice President Bush has stated..'

...far more than five percent of our population will survive.

But if only one man and one woman are left on this earth

it is my deep desire that they be Americans.

[Eddie] This is a miniature for demonstration purposes only

but you can rig this up to any full-size urinal.

'Now, this hot-wire here is hidden'

'if it's painted the color of the back wall.'

Now, the idea is when your enemy comes to take a leak

his own piss will activate this little contact here, okay?

So, he comes in and he takes a piss and..

Pisses himself to infinity. Pretty good, huh?

[female announcer] 'The next live-ammunition demonstration'

'will take place on the firing range at two p.m.'

See anything you need, general? Maybe I can beat the price.

[laughing]

I love these cuff links.

[speaking in foreign language]

[Eddie] 'Those are trainers, general.'

You couldn't even get an Israeli

to fly one of those.

You need a pilotless vehicle in my opinion.

- Pilotless. - A drone.

[male announcer] 'Peacemaker, from Luchup Industries'

'promising bigger bangs for less bucks.'

♪ Shine come on and shine ♪

♪ Baby be kind ♪

♪ And like a wave we're gonna shine ♪

♪ Into the shine.. ♪

- SenorMuntz? - Yeah?

The general has expressed a wish

to see some cultural aspects of your city.

Any particular one?

I believe there is an activity called, uh

"Female mud wrestling?"

- Female mud wrestling? - That's right.

Females, in the mud, wrestling?

[chuckles] You think you can do something about it?

We can try. How about hot oatmeal?

♪ Let your love shine ♪♪

[male announcer] 'After firing, the gunner has only to keep'

'the crosshairs trained on the target.'

Tonight, I'm gonna take you to see the finest

mariachi band in LA.

After we go to dinner at a Gourmet Mexican Restaurant.

- You like Mexican food? - Will Catherine be joining us?

Catherine? Of course.

She's planning cocktails at her place first.

Seven o'clock good?

[Eddie] 'What do you mean, General Cordosa's'

'not taking any calls?'

He was supposed to meet me two hours ago.

Yeah, I know you'll take a message.

The message is, "Look at the last six messages," lady.

Ed Muntz, Muntz.

M-U-N-T-Z.

Sounds pleasurable, but you'll have to show me how sometime.

Sheesh, the future of the free world's at stake

and I get Don Rickles' answering service.

Hello, you're on the air.

Sorry, the laundry's closed.

Mr. Muntz, I have an invitation

for you from Mr. Kayhim Masaggi.

What the hell? What are you talking about? What invitation?

Mr. Masaggi would be pleased

if you would come to his private office

in one half-hour.

Come where? Who the hell are you?

His car is at your disposal.

[Eddie] Kayhim Masaggi.

The richest arms dealer in the world.

What the hell is he doing here in the Burbank Airport?

What the hell does he want with me?

- Mr. Muntz. - 'Yeah?'

Kayhim Masaggi.

Pleased to know you.

Please.

I understand you have a sale to make.

I also understand

you're having some difficulty.

Perhaps I could be of some benefit to you.

I'm not sure I follow you.

Mr. Muntz, General Cordosa needs the Peacemaker.

It will give him the capacity to hit rebel bases

wherever he chooses, particularly

in those sanctuaries across the Costa Rican border.

Of course, this will threaten the Costa Ricans

and with good reason, making them

absolutely crazy with fear.

How will they defend themselves?

Charged particles, Mr. Muntz?

Pardon?

Charged particles, the death beam.

Zero time-of-flight weaponry. The ideal Peacemaker-killer.

They're here, they're for sale, and they're very expensive.

And in time, the Costa Ricans will have to buy them.

Now, we can expect some border tension.

And if my thinking is accurate, as it always has been

the major powers will eagerly enter the fray

creating an enormous demand for replacements, spare parts.

Whoever wins, we win.

Whoever loses, we win.

Mr. Muntz, I believe that your one small sale

will help make limited global warfare

a reality well into the '90s.

And we will all prosper accordingly.

Well, that's some very fine thinking there, Mr. Masaggi

and a great motivator but, uh, right now, General Cordosa's

not even taking my calls.

When you were with the general, did you receive a gift?

- A gift? Yeah. - Mm.

A couple pairs of these links.

In the spirit of true friendship?

And as a true friend

what did you offer the general?

Mr. Muntz, may I suggest a charitable contribution

through which the general's wife and sister

can further their humanitarian pursuits?

With all due respect, Mr. Masaggi

you are aware of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act

'of 1977?'

No, no, that-that is no problem.

Thanks to your president

your treasury and an obliging congress

your new tax bill makes these contributions

both legal and tax-deductible.

- How much? - 1.7 million.

I see.

I'm gonna give you a phone number, Ed.

I know nothing about this matter.

We've never had this conversation.

And, Ed, we'll need a receipt

for tax purposes.

[Eddie] 'Look, Cath, uh, I, uh..'

Well, here's a little something to remember this by.

- Muntz. - Go ahead, open it.

It's a souvenir.

- A Timex. - Yeah.

It's, uh, it's lovely.

Look at the back.

"The deal of the c-century.

Edward Muntz."

It's quartz. Never needs winding.

[bell dings]

- What the hell, Ray? - I'm sorry to bother you.

We're making a connection, Ray.

- I know that. - So, what the hell?

So, we gotta stop this sale.

There's gonna be a lot of bloodshed.

But I talked to the Costa Rican Embassy.

- You talked to who? - Their embassy.

About this?

Since he's been in power

Cordosa has increased

the San Miguel defense budget

400 percent.

Now, he wants to start building Peacemakers.

Ed, this man can't spell, and he wants to build and export

the world's most lethal fighter plane in the world.

Who'd you talk to, Ray?

I talked to their ambassador.

Look, he's here, let me get him. Just one--

You brought him here?

Don't look at me like I'm a religious fanatic.

I justwant you to talk to this man.

Ed, we can't go through with this, man.

Everybody's using these two little countries

as a dumping ground for the junk nobody wants.

And then we act surprised when a war breaks out?

I don't wanna be a part of that anymore, Ed.

- Now, just one second. - Ray.

Ray, please. Please, man, come here.

Ray, all we're doing is

selling a commodity, Ray, like Coca-Cola.

They sell to everybody, Ray.

They sell to the British. They sell to the IRA.

They sell to the Arabs. They sell to the Israelis.

They sell to Castro. they sell to Rockefeller.

What it boils down to, Ray, is who makes the sale.

If they don't, Pepsi will.

If we don't make this sale to Cordosa, somebody else will.

And as far as we're concerned, things go better with Coke.

So do me a favor and get off my ass.

Ray, Ray, lose this guy.

Dump him.

One moment, Ed.

Before you go, Ed

'there is one more thing.'

What's that, colonel?

The general wishes to meet a woman.

A woman?

Yes.

Look, let's get something straight here, okay?

I'm not a bagman, and I'm not a pimp.

I'm a businessman.

And I hope you can see the difference.

- You were insulted, senor? - Yeah.

Frankly, I am. I'm insulted.

What's he looking for? I mean, a pro? A semi-pro?

One of the girls from the show? What?

I believe you know this woman.

What did you say?

[scoffs] What could I say?

You'd think these people would have some class.

None whatsoever.

None whatsoever. Goes without saying.

'What time is it?'

Four-thirty.

- Four-thirty? - It must've stopped.

It can't stop, it's quartz.

What should I do?

You're smart. Finesse him.

Muntz, I think you should know something.

You're not giving your life to Jesus Christ?

I've never been able to finesse anyone in my whole life.

Look, Cath, whatever you want. Really, I'm serious.

Whatever I want?

Yeah, you wanna go up there

you don't wanna go up there.

What do you want?

Whatever. It's 11-18.

The Bob and Dolores Hope suite.

You're sure?

[sighs] Jeez, I don't know.

Yeah, I think it's 11-18.

11-18.

Bob and Dolores Hope.

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

[spray fizzes]

[Cordosa moaning]

[speaking in foreign language]

[Catherine] 'Oh, what an hombreyou are.'

- 'Oh.' - 'You think so?'

'These films are a great idea. Wonderful.'

- 'You liking it.' - 'You're such a brave boy.'

[Cordosa] 'I love you. I, I..'

[Catherine] 'No, mi general, you'll hurt yourself.'

[Cordosa] 'I don't know what's wrong.'

[speaking in foreign language]

'What is this?'

[speaking in foreign language]

[Catherine] 'You don't have to apologize to me.'

[Cordosa] 'How can I make this up to you, baby? How?'

[Catherine] 'Just sign the contract, Arturo'

'and you'll always be el magnificoto me.'

- 'Hey, baby.' - 'Okay, okay.'

[sighs]

Then shall we pray for Raymond?

Yes, let's pray for Raymond.

- He's truly a miracle. - Yes.

In obedience to the command

of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ

I baptize thee in the name of the Father

and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost.

Buried in the likeness of his death.

'Raised to walk in the newness of life.'

-'Hallelujah!' - 'Amen.'

[Eddie] Cath, listen, last night at the hotel

I think I really went over the line

and I'm-I'm sorry, I swear.

I'd rather sell used cars than

than have you do something like that again. I..

So did you? Uh..

Well, I appreciate the sentiment, Muntz.

[male #5] 'The United States'

'is no longer the most powerful military force on earth.'

'We're outnumbered in our Navy surface ships'

'and submarines two to one'

'we're outgunned in artillery three to one'

'we're outmanned in tanks four to one.'

'They have more missiles, bigger missiles'

more powerful missiles than we have.

We're no longer negotiating from strength.

[male #5] 'I'm happy to report that the F-19X'

is right on schedule and on budget.

You know, one distinguished senator

who shall remain nameless

has called the money spent building the F-19X

a waste of taxpayer's funds.

Well, reasonable men may differ

but this aircraft will do more to deter a future war

than any other existing technology.

'Why do we spend more to make the F-19X better'

'when it's already the best there is?'

'The answer is that our enemies are building'

'better aircraft too.'

'If we don't keep up'

'they're just liable to catch up.'

- Excuse me? - Yes, sir?

- This going up today? - No, I'm sorry, it's not.

Beautiful plane, man.

My friend, you are looking at the most

versatile aircraft in the world.

Both a fighter and a bomber.

Navy and marines just ordered a hundred of 'em.

- Well, congratulations. - Thank you.

How much?

About 35 million apiece if you figure overruns.

- Sidewinders and Sparrows? - That's correct.

What's the transonic acceleration?

It'll get up to about Mach 1.2 faster than the F-18.

- What's the envelope? - Varies with the maneuver.

But it'll do the job more than nine.

You can start the engines and run a complete systems check

with no external power.

Alright.

- How much thrust? Ooh! - Thirty-two thousand pounds.

Change an engine in about 20 minutes.

Are you a pilot?

Only on weekends.

[male announcer] 'The Sea Harrier, renowned'

'and victorious in the Falklands conflict'

'manufactured by British Aerospace'

'for fighter reconnaissance and strike rolls.'

'Two Sidewinder AIMs, 230-millimeter guns.'

How do you call these, "Whoriers?"

No, that's a Harrier, general. Harrier, yesterday's news.

Brits lost seven of 'em in the Falklands.

The Argentines were using them for target practice.

They lost pilots, too. You don't need that.

- What are you drinking? - Rum and Coke.

Four rum and Cokes.

I'm sure you already know this, so, there's no reason

to bring it up, but Ray is here.

- Ray's here? Where? - Looking at the F-19X.

Can I have a Scotch and water?

Carrying his flight helmet.

- Hold the water. - Stay with the general.

[instrumental music]

Ray!

Ray!

Ray!

[engine revving]

[chuckles]

[male announcer] 'The F-19X is flying without authorization.'

'Repeat, the F-19X is flying..'

Guess what, your friend says

he's going to blow up the arms show.

- 'What?' - He wants to talk to you.

- That you, Ray? - Hey!

- Is that you, Ed? - So, is this for real?

You're gonna blow up the arms show or what?

[Ray] 'That's right, Ed.'

Anything I can do to change your mind?

I have no choice.

Ray, we're letting a million bucks slide here.

I mean, you can't find that kind of money

in the streets, you know what I'm saying?

Hey, listen, Ed, no matter what happens

I love you, man.

There's other people in the trailer here, Ray.

[Ray] 'I love them, too.'

I'll tell 'em.

[indistinct chatter]

Is that you, Ray?

What's that? I didn't catch that.

You won't blow up the arms show

if everybody joins together in a moment of prayer.

Yeah, you don't want anybody hurt.

This is great, Ray.

We have an unauthorized flight on our hands

and we're going to have to evacuate the premises

until we get--

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Who is this joker anyway?

An ex-Air Force, ex-Marine pilot. I'm not sure.

I say let's send up an I-Hawk and bring the bastard down.

Hey, with all due respect to my colleague from Raytheon

who is to be congratulated on his fine notion

I wish to point to the record which clearly shows that

his missile couldn't hit the broadside of a barn--

- Bullshit! - Hold it! Hold it!

I don't wanna toot Grumman's horn

but we got an F-14 Tomcat out there

that's ready, willing and able to get the job done!

You couldn't hit it if it was sitting on the ground.

It's beautiful, Sherm.

We've got all the buyers in the world out there

and all we have to do is bring down

one crazy spade in an F-19X.

- We'll be combat-proven. - I like it, Frank.

[whooshing]

Frank, he'll come down. Trust me.

I know Ray like a brother.

Ed, you believe in the power of the demonstration, don't you?

You're about to see the state of the art

in advanced weaponry in action.

The next best thing to a war.

- Alright. - Give him hell.

- God bless. Let's do it. - Everybody ready? Let's go.

[male announcer] 'All visitors must abandon the area immediately.'

'Repeat, all visitors must abandon the area immediately.'

- 'Weapons selector activated.' - Positive.

Attitude control system activated.

- Positive. - Stand by to launch.

[engine revving]

[Rechtin] 'Seven, six'

'five, four..'

Jesus, Frank.

[Rechtin] 'Two, one.'

Blast away, mother.

[aircraft droning]

[instrumental music]

[Will] 'Radar locked on target.'

- 'Computer in attack module.' - 'Missiles ready.'

'Fire at will.'

Ray, this is Ed. Get that plane out of here.

You're not gonna stop me, Ed.

[aircraft droning]

Fire.

Hey.

Dead from the neck up, Meathead.

[Frank] What's wrong? What is it?

- Alright, there he is. - Okay, get set.

Fire.

[explosion]

[intense music]

[Frank] 'Alright, let's play with the bastard.'

'Show him what we can do.'

[gunfire]

[gasps]

[Rechtin] 'Watch your angle-of-attack vector?'

[Will] 'Right.'

- 'Climb. Climb.' - 'I'm on him.'

Fire everything.

They're lined up on you, man.

You're worth more to them dead than alive.

Get him out of here. Get him out.

- Come with me. Come with me. - No.

[Ray] 'Well, come on and get it.'

'Tell Stryker, I'll kick his ass.'

'I'll be right over you. You can't miss me.'

But if you do miss, you'll hit every damn plane

'in your damn arms show.'

Come on up and get me. Over and out.

[indistinct chatter]

[male announcer] 'All visitors must abandon'

'the area immediately.'

[aircraft droning]

[Rechtin] 'He's dropping right over us, Frank.'

Fire all you've got.

You want me to destroy the arms show, Frank?

You candy ass.

We don't build it to destroy, we build it to protect.

[Rechtin] 'Protect what?'

State of the art.

Our technology against theirs.

We're gonna show the Pentagon.

We'll show the world. Get out of there, boy.

Congratulations, nigger, you're about to become history!

State of the art!

[dramatic music]

[explosions]

- Hold it, Frank. - Huh?

[Frank] 'No!'

[Eddie] 'Go get them, Ray!'

[Ray] 'I'm gonna give you a little touch-up.'

Just a little touch-up for you.

[gunfire]

[explosion]

'State of the art? My ass!'

[instrumental music]

[Eddie] Ray was right.

You gotta take a stand.

I don't see him anymore.

He's in Africa now, flying

for the Missionary Air Force.

He's converting headhunters

into Christians.

I see where Frank Stryker's no longer with Luckup.

He took a leave of absence to do public relations

for the NAACP.

Probably still combs his hair with buttered toast.

What do I know? He never writes.

Me? I'm still where the action is.

The product's different, but the principle's the same.

Give the people what they want.

It's good to be working with my brother.

He knows the business. And you know something?

He's not out to screw anybody.

On the other hand, there's Catherine.

Yeah, Catherine. She's become like one of the family.

And I'll tell you

she can finesse a buyer better than me

or my brother.

How about dinner?

When?

Tonight.

Where?

How about the Bob and Dolores Hope suite?

[both chuckles]

[Eddie] We make a really good team.

I think I'll ask her to marry me tonight.

Together I don't see how we can miss.

♪ You better watch out you better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout ♪

♪ I'm telling you why ♪♪ Why? ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪

♪ He's making a list ♪

♪ And checking it twice ♪

♪ Gonna find out who's naughty or nice ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪

♪ He sees you when you're sleeping ♪

♪ He knows when you're awake ♪

♪ He knows if you've been bad or good ♪

♪ So be good for goodness sake ♪♪ Okay ♪

♪ You better watch out you better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout I'm telling you why ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪

♪ With little tin horns and little toy drums ♪

♪ Rooty toot toots and rummy tum tums ♪

♪ So you better watch out you better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout I'm telling you why ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪♪

[instrumental music]

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[man speaking in foreign language]

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[instrumental music]

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