All language subtitles for Deal.Of.The.Century.1983.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX].eng

[instrumental music]

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["Someone To Watch Over Me"]

♪ There's a somebody
I'm longing to see ♪

♪ I'd hope that ♪

♪ He turns out to be ♪

♪ Someone who'll watch ♪

♪ Over me ♪

♪ I'm a little lamb ♪

♪ Who's lost in the wood ♪

♪ I know I could ♪

♪ Always be good ♪

[male narrator]
Peacemaker, the world's most
advanced pilotless aircraft.

♪ Over me ♪♪

Basically, that represents
the overall scheme of things.

Now, in print, you might wanna
go with something like this

for the developed nations

namely NATO
and the European markets.

Headline here,
tag and logo over there.

Now, for the third world

or the emerging nations

you could
tailor-make the campaign

to look something like this.

Or again, using the headline

"If not for you, for them"

but follow with the tag

"Your partner in freedom."

Which of course
would give us the greatest

flexible leverage
for mixed markets.

Frank, what we're looking
for is an emotional impact

so the average guy in the street
will look at these images

and say, "Yeah, that's something
I'd like to protect

"like to preserve.

That's my life, and no one's
gonna mess with it."

I might add that research showed

that 85 percent of those survey
would protect these images

while 45 percent would
actually go to war over them.

Then we discarded anything
that scored lower.

Right. Uh, furthermore, the ad
scored an overall 59 points

which is three points higher
than Hertz's O.J. Simpson spots

or Purina's "Chow-chow-chows."

Two very hot items.

I'm very impressed, Frank.

It's soft.

It's, uh, it's rough, uh..

We could,
we-we could play with it.

Yeah.

Well, Frank,
I'm-I'm sure you can see

that we're tryin' for an
institutional approach here.

to, uh, underplay the idea

that we're selling
weapons of death.

E-even though that
is the business we're in.

Let's understand something
before we go any further.

We sell to dictators,
military juntas

generals, presidents, premiers

who don't rent automobiles

eat cat food or get headaches.

'Now, what they
do is buy weapons.'

Ostensibly those weapons
that shoot the fastest

and the farthest
and kill more for less.

We're in a battle to sell
this plane, gentlemen.

And the enemy is not Moscow.

The enemy is Rockwell,
Northrop, Lockheed

McDonnell Douglas, Grumman

and the rest
of our worthy competitors

foreign and domestic.

'And what you're
proposing is nothing'

'more than a public
service message.'

[coughing]

[instrumental music]

[Jack]
I'm Col. Jack Seamens
and I'm here to tell you

about the good
folks from Fairchild

who make the A-10 Tank Buster.

Its devastating firepower,
outstanding

'search-and-strike capability
and unmatched penetration'

make it more effective than
any high-speed fighter plane.

The A-10
is a multi-mission defender

that can be launched from a tiny
airstrip or even a highway.

When you're flying close support

you need all the maneuverability

and survivability you can get.

So why do I fly the A-10?

On account of it kills.

And that's
the name of that tune.

Well, that's more like it.

Take that institutional stuff

and put it
where the sun never shines.

[instrumental music]

- Do you feel comfortable?
- Yes, yes.

- T-that's fine? No problem?
- It's fine.

Oh, Frank,
I need some approval on this.

Just do it, Pete.
They're lovely. Wonderful.

- Sherm?
- Yeah, Frank?

What's the story on San Miguel?

We cabled DeVoto Friday,
told him to come back for one.

So?

He wants to stick it out
a little further.

No more time.

But he's put three
years into it, Frank.

Sure, the guy can't
take the pressure.

He hasn't closed.
Now, get somebody there who can.

- Where's Martin?
- Kuwait.

Lindsey?

With Rockwell.
You fired him months ago.

Oh, Christ, I forgot.

Where the hell have all
the good salesmen gone?

- Don't answer that. Management.
- Management.

Do it. Okay, let's go.

[man speaking in Spanish]

[speaking in Spanish]

[bell toiling]

[fireworks explosion]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[man on TV
speaking in Spanish]

[singing in Spanish]

[speaking in Spanish]

[Eddie]
It's only my second day
in San Miguel and I'll tell you

I'm ready to hitchhike
to Jonestown

for a few laughs
and a cool drink.

This place is hotter
than Dolly Parton's mini-pad.

My job takes me
all over the world.

Lebanon, Nicaragua, Newark,
you name it, I'm in there.

Always where the action is.

[instrumental music]

[Eddie]
Oh, my, oh, my.

What's a place like this doing
around a girl like that?

Either I'm spotting or my
cigar's starting to sweat.

Oh, yeah, I saw her
in the lobby before.

Bellhop said she
checked in with a guy

half her size
and twice her age.

Must be taller on his back.

Maybe he married
her for the view.

Nah, she can 't be married.

Hold your stomach in, Ed.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Jesus, that's
about the deadliest

"Merry Christmas" I've ever got.

- Sorry.
- Oh, don't be sorry, be happy.

It's Christmas Eve.

What are you doing down here?

I won a contest.

I'm impressed.

[Catherine]
'What about you?'

About ten minutes ago, I was
in Vermont at a wishing well

and I dropped
a quarter, and here I am.

You forgot your snowshoes.

[Eddie]
'You know, it's a beautiful
world. It really is.'

[Catherine]
'Is it?'

SenorMuntz..

...clients are waiting.

Clients.

If you're still awake when
I get back, let's go somewhere.

[Catherine]
I have other plans.

[speaking in foreign language]

[knock on door]

[door opens]

Thank you, Juan.

So, gentlemen,
how goes the war?

Eddie Muntz. Nice to see you.
Nice to see you.

Okay, let's get started.

Now, what we have here
is an HK91, 7.62 NATO rifle

made by H&K Industries
of West Germany.

Used only once
in the '68 Yemen rebellion

and given the way things went,
I doubt whether they got off

more than a few rounds.

It looks new. It is new.

Now, incidentally, I would
not recommend this maneuver

in the field of combat
for obvious reasons.

You got your 20-round mags..

...900 rounds per minute
firepower when fully automatic.

This is a quality weapon
all around, gentlemen.

Optical sights here,
telescopic, of course.

Built-in wire cutters.

You got a wire,
you wanna cut it

it's built right in here.

Now, here's little something
I kinda enjoy.

Let's say you've had a rough day
of guerilla warfare.

The revolution's bogged down,
you're hot, you're tired

you smell like you smell now

you need a little refreshment.

This bottle opener
on the side here

will open bottles
of all nationalities.

Feliz Navidad.

- Merry Christmas.
- Gracias.

My friends, I do believe
that this is the weapon

that'll allow you to achieve
your political objectives.

[grunts]

Now, here's a little item
I think

you might go for in a big way.

Dragon-teeth mines.

Made in the US
and used successfully

in Vietnam, I might add.

These little honies
won't kill you

but they're guaranteed
to take a foot off.

Take a couple of samples.

Take them home,
see if you like them

let me know
how many you need, okay?

- It goes boom. Big boom, yeah.
- Boom, boom.

Keep them wet with freon.

They're armed
and shouldn't be moved..

Boom, that's right.

Now, this here
is a shoulder-length tank buster

with infrared capability
for unexcelled night vision.

Juan, come here.

Now, simply hold it like this.
It's very light, no problem.

You sight through here.
See anything out there?

You should be able
to read the serial numbers

'without much of a problem.'

[speaking in foreign language]

No, not the moon,
not the moon.

[speaking in foreign language]

Down there.

[speaking in foreign language]

As you can see, gentlemen,
this is very simple to operate.

You simply lock the target
in the sight

and the rest is, well..

[explosion]

[explosion]

...easy.

[speaking in foreign language]

Order forms are in the catalog,
gentlemen.

I hope we can do business
together.

[instrumental music]

[Eddie]
When the going gets tough

I learned
never to underestimate

the power of a demonstration.

[speaking in foreign language]

Please do not harm me.

Give me money or I kill you.

Don't harm me.

Give me your wallet.

What's in the box?

- Nothing of value.
- Open it.

[rifle cocking]

Oh.

I-I-I-I think
I made a mistake.

'Yes, you have.'

I'm sorry for
the unnecessary inconvenience.

Sir, give me your gun.

You want my gun?

But your gun is bigger.

Give me your gun.

I-i-it is a pleasure for me

to give you my gun.

Merry Christmas.

Sir...give me your money.

'First, you take my gun,
now you want my money, too?'

Give me your money.

I only have a few coins.

'I'll take 'em.'

[speaking foreign language]

Feliz Navidad.

[speaking foreign language]

[Eddie]
This is nothing more than a
nickel-plated.38 made in Italy.

It's worth maybe 50 bucks
wholesale.

You know, the amateurs

have taken over the streets
everywhere.

You know,
it's really a sorry world

when this kind of thing
happens on Christmas Eve.

[instrumental music]

[whistles]

[speaking in foreign language]

[panting]

[grunting]

I'll just take this grenade.

[speaking in foreign language]

[helicopter whirring]

[indistinct chatter]

[gunfire]

[explosion]

[indistinct yelling]

- The suitcase. Get the money!
- Are you crazy?

Get the money!
Get it now!

[helicopter whirring]

Hey!

[gunfire continues]

Son of a bitch!

[both grunting]

[gunfire continues]

Agh!

Let go, you son of a bitch!

Aah!

[panting]

Ugh!

[gunfire]

Aah!
Jesus, I'm hit. I'm hit!

[grunting]

The money!

God damn it, get the money.
Christ, the money!

[Eddie]
Something tells me
I'm out of cash flow

for the next fiscal year.

[door opens]

Hey.

- What time is it?
- What?

What time is it?

- It's 10:15.
- 10:15?

Well, what day is it?

It's Monday.

The day after Sunday?

And followed by Tuesday
if all goes well.

Ahh!

It's Monday and it's 10:15.

I just busted my hand.

- What, you just get the bill?
- Come on in here.

I wanna show you something.

Hey, now what do you think
of this?

It's okay, isn't it?

'You know,
I sent a kid out with a C-note?'

He comes back with this.

I'm trying to blow
my brains out.

I don't even know
how to work it.

'Ha-ha! Do you know anything
about guns?'

I'm afraid I don't.

See, I think you just
put the bullet in like that.

And then you just
turn that thing.

Yeah, just like that!

It shouldn't be a problem,
should it?

I'm afraid,
I didn't catch your name.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- Harold DeVoto.
- Ed Muntz.

- Ah!
- Sorry.

You see, Ed, you see,
I can't leave the room here

because I, I happen
to be waiting for a phone call.

'It's been six weeks now,
and I haven't left for once.'

Now, do you know what that is?

Now, this is what we call
the Peacemaker.

And I am trying to sell
50 of these

with instructions
and maintenance

and ground and air control.

That's a $300,000,000
contract, Ed

and it's right there.

You're with Luckup.

You know that is 250 pages

and that is three years work

and this is a lifetime!

'And now they're saying,
"Wow, everything's approved.'

'"Just one more phone call'

one more approval
and then we'll call ya."

[scoffs]
You see, we'll call you!

You get it?

And it's been six weeks,
right through Christmas.

And you see now
my bride is telling me

"Oh, I'm leaving you.

Well, you can't blame me."

And you see,
I still cannot leave the room

because I am waiting
for the phone call!

Because, you see,
they only call once.

'And if I'm not here,
well, then they just'

'go with the French Mirages'

'or they just
go with the Eagles!'

[sighs]

I really don't know.

Because I'm just getting
so tired.

And I just wanna know,
why don't they call?

[sobbing]
You see, Ed, the thing is

I don't wanna lose her.

I just wanna go home.

'I just wanna go home now.'

Harold.

[crying]

Hey, Harold. Harold.

- Harold, listen to me.
- Yeah?

Harold, Harold,
the important thing.

- Yeah.
- Here's what I'm getting at.

The important thing
is to make the sale.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay?

This is why
you came here, Harold.

- Do you understand?
- Oh, yeah.

- This is why you came here.
- Uh-huh.

That's what you're here for.
This is your mission.

You gotta complete your mission,
Harold.

And when you do,
odds on, you will.

- When the phone rings..
- Yeah.

When you bring home the
contracts, 300,000,000 bucks.

[giggles]

Your associates
will be proud of you

your country
will be proud of you

balance of payments,
jobs, all that crap.

Your wife,
very proud of you, Harold.

I really, I really need,
I really need it.

I know. I know that.

And listen to me, even you,
you know what I'm saying?

Even you will be
proud of you, Harold.

Bless you, Ed.
Thank you.

Thank you.

[sighs]

I don't think
you'll be needing these anymore.

'Oh, no.'

[groans]

[gun shot]

[sighs]

[telephone rings]

[ringing continues]

Yeah?

Yeah, thank you.

Yes, sir.

Fine and yourself?

No, no, my name is Eddie Muntz.

Uh, Mr. DeVoto had to leave
for personal reasons.

'I'll be assuming
his responsibilities here.'

Eddie Muntz.

Yes, I, uh, I have the contracts
right here in front of me.

Who are you with?

Luckup.

Oh, the drones?

Nice plane.

I am with Dassault.

Air-to-ground
designated missiles.

Bonjour.

[speaking in foreign language]

He said, "It was a pleasure
doing business with you

and when you come to Moscow,
come must come and visit us."

[speaking in foreign language]

SenorMuntz?

SenorMuntz.

[speaking in foreign language]

'We're all sorry that Harold'

could not be with us
at this time

and hope that he will return
to visit.

[Eddie]
Oh, I'm sure he will, general.

- A-an accident?
- Oh, just a scratch.

[speaking in foreign language]

Thank you, thank you.

SenorMuntz,a question
and an observation.

The Peacemaker system
is untested in combat.

Well, yes, sir,
that's a true fact.

Uh, but if I'm not mistaken
we don't have a major conflict

anywhere in the world
where we could demonstrate

the effectiveness of the
Peacemaker even if we wanted to.

I mean, it's, it's state of the
art, if you see my meaning.

One item that would be
of extreme importance

would be the transfer
of technology to San Miguel.

The transfer of technology?

As we discussed with Harold

we would insist that our
purchase take the form of, uh..

[speaking in foreign language]

Soft money, general.

Yes. Soft money.

Luckup Corporation would provide
the consulting expertise

and the prototype,
in sections, of course.

We will build the planes
here in San Miguel.

You've discussed this,
uh, with Harold?

Well, then I see no cloud
on the horizon.

Well, SenorMuntz.Colonel..

Uh, while I'm at it,
can you use any, uh, short arms?

Handguns, grenades?

No, gracias, senor,
we have all we need.

Incidentally, general, you know,
when I first came in here

uh, nobody searched me.

I mean, a guy can walk in here
with a bomb in his briefcase

and, uh, blow you all away.

Ah!

[speaking in foreign language]

Easy, easy.

[guns cocking]

[laughs]

'Radio transistor!
Ha-ha-ha!'

[speaking in foreign language]

'You have
a good sense of humor.'

[gunfire]

These little babies
go for $400 over the counter.

My price to you, if you'll take
a thousand, $315.

General, my compliments.

[laughs]

In the spirit of true friendship

we wish to thank you and your
company for your cooperation.

And hope you will accept
this small gift on our behalf.

Completely unnecessary.

[speaking in foreign language]

[in unison]
Viva la liberta!

Viva la liberta.

[Eddie]
These links are ten-carat gold
and made in Taiwan.

Total garbage. Wouldn't wear
them to a pig's bris.

But I'm sitting with a
$300,000,000 contract

which I figure has to be worth
at least a couple of mil

to yours truly.

Hey, it's a hell of a way
to make a living

but somebody's gotta do it.

[speaking in foreign language]

Well, hello.

Hey, what are we waiting for?
I got a plane to catch.

Un momento, senor.

You enjoy your stay?

Mr. Muntz, please.

I lost my husband yesterday.

Well, we got a few minutes,
maybe we can find him.

[engine rumbling]

[horn honking]

[speaking in foreign language]

[instrumental music]

- Eddie.
- Raymond.

- How are you?
- Good, man.

- Welcome back.
- Thanks.

So, what happened?

In San Miguel, the women believe
that all pleasure

begins with your feet.

So they broke your foot?

Broke my heart.

- Hey, you look good.
- Good to see you, man.

Good to see you.

Do you know anything about a new
plane called the Peacemaker?

Why?

I think I just sold 50 of 'em.

[telephone rings]

[Eddie]
'Western Defense.'

'Yeah, Colonel Dabudo,
nice to hear you again.'

Yes, I believe
we have you down for, uh..

'...500 Claymore mines.'

'Yeah,
you got your folding legs'

'push-button controls,
50-meter kill zone.'

'It's a beautiful little item.'

Colonel, listen, while
we're at it, can I interest you

in some M217s
with combination impact

and time-delay fuse?

Not today, huh? Pardon?

'You need
500 anti-tank weapons?'

Uh, expecting an invasion,
colonel?

Wha-what?

The whales are coming
too close to your coastline?

Okay, we'll see
what we can do about it.

Right. I'm sorry, what?

A Trinitron?

'Oh, I believe
they're the best for color.'

'Allow me to, uh,
check with my associate.'

Colonel, good news.

We're gonna include it
in the package.

That's right, a 19-incher.

And a VCR recorder.
You, uh, you need any tape?

Uh, a tape of what?

Deep throat?

'Uh, no problem.
We'll include it.'

Thank you very much.
Say hello to your wives.

- 'Ed'
- 'Yeah.'

I think
you should know something, man.

'What's that, Ray?'

I'm thinking of giving my life
to Jesus Christ.

[chuckles]

- What?
- I'm very serious about this.

Ray, whatever you do
with your Sundays

is your own private concern.

I gotta get out of it.
I gotta get out, man.

I just, I just feel like it's
destructive to my soul.

I'll be blunt.

We're flirting
with bankruptcy here, Ray.

It's desperation time. This is
definitely not a sane response.

[crickets chirping]

Eddie, where do you keep
the salad dressing?

Corner shelf,
behind the pancake mix.

What a beautiful boy. Yeah.

Looks just like
his Uncle Eddie.

Here it is. Here it is.

Come on.

Chow time.

I never ask you about your work,
Eddie, you know this.

I know, Freddie.

As far as I'm concerned

you have your privacy,
and I respect that.

I appreciate that.

All I know is

you go on these trips

you say you're going
here and here and here.

I turn on the news, and there's
trouble here and here and here.

You come home,
show some slides

these places don't exist
anymore.

I worry about you, Eddie.
You're my brother.

Ah, there's no point
in worrying, Freddie.

'No?'

No, not in the long run.

Why don't you come in with me,
Eddie, hm?

- Oh, come on.
- C'mon.

You'll make good dough,
you'll have a life

What you're doing now,
it's no life.

Freddie, I think the kid's
having an activity here.

Woo-oh, yeah.

- Great.
- I think maybe you scare him.

Barb?

You got a pail?

- It's okay. Yeah, I know.
- Aw.

[male #1]
'Testing one, two, three.
Is this mike on?'

[helicopter whirring]

Testing, testing
one, two, three.

Are we alright, guys?

You don't need a pilot.

Cockpit instrumentation, armor

ejection system,
pressure controls.

All you gotta do is turn it on
and pull the trigger.

Add that to the saving
of $1,000,000

it costs
to train a single pilot.

You'll see why we think
the Peacemaker's

the most cost-effective
aircraft ever offered.

How much for operation
and maintenance, Frank?

Oh, a billion here,
a billion there.

But just think
what it'll cost the Russkies

to defend against it, general.

[indistinct chatter]

Computer display activated.

Positive.

Comm antenna selector activated.

Positive.

[metal rattling]

What the hell is that?

Hum in the air conditioner.

[thud]

I understand General Huddleston

gave up a foursome
at Pebble Beach to be here.

'So I guess that means our ass
is really on the line.'

[crowd laughing]

Up to now,
drones have been used primarily

for surface-to-air
missile training

day and night surveillance,
and target purposes.

The Peacemaker is a computer
controlled deterrent deployer

boasting a navigational system
without error to the target.

Deterrent delivery
with pinpoint accuracy.

A lightweight plane
with a heavyweight punch.

'Virtually undetectable
by enemy radar.'

I've got a red flag
on 83-four-Charlie.

Will, give us an RF spectrum
scan on four-Charlie.

I don't see anything.

What do you think?

Run a fault-isolation scan.

What did we forget?

[metal clanking]

All the bells and whistles
they put in this thing

you'd think they could do better
than a surplus air conditioner.

[clanking]

And please keep this in mind.

An unmanned vehicle, a drone

does not bleed, die

get addicted to drugs

shoot its officers,
or refuse to fight.

[laughter]

With Peacemaker,
you don't need a hangar.

You don't need a runway.

Why, you can launch one of these
babies right out of your garage.

Uh, that's a two-car garage,
isn't it, Frank?

You've got that right,
Senator Bryce.

Senator, General Huddleston

distinguished guests

may I present the Peacemaker.

[instrumental music]

[cheering]

[cheering continues]

'And now,
to christen the Peacemaker'

'on its maiden public voyage'

'is the lovely star
of the hit television series'

"One is a Crowd"

Miss Gloria Della Rosa.

[crowd cheering]

Okay, that's it,
take the bottle.

Yeah, now look over here.

Now give it a good crack.

[glass shatters]

[machine whirring]

- 'Now, what's wrong?'
- 'How about this?'

Oh, this damn Army reject.

Oh, God, it's in this board
back here. Hold on.

[indistinct chatter]

Ah!

What the hell are they doing?
W-what's going on? Let's go.

- Uh, Frank.
- What?

Uh, Frank, we've run
into a small snag.

What?

Oh, we got a slight voltage drop
in one of the encoder circuit.

I-I think
it's the high temperature.

The air conditioner
isn't up to the load

it could be causing
the shift in the, uh--

- What do you want?
- Electronic equipment.

- Pardon?
- What are you telling me?

Well, Frank,
just for safety's sake

we'd like to trace
this bugger down.

Dr. Rechtin,
I got half the Pentagon

'cooking in a goddamn oven
out there.'

- 'Now, how serious is this?'
- Well, it's not serious now--

Well, then launch
the goddamn plane.

In other words, Frank,
you wanna go as is?

Dr. Rechtin,
I don't consider 250,000,000

in cost overruns alone in R&D

to be as is!

Now, launch the goddamn plane!

Launch it.

[indistinct chatter]

[whirring]

Wow.

[Will]
'Switching to demonstration
maneuver software.'

'Effective heading, 2-5-9.'

[aircraft droning]

Oh, we're still on the course

heading at 1-3-5, are we?

[Will]
'That's a rog,
better try manual control.'

'I'm not reading a response
to the demonstration software.'

This is a glorious
and momentous occasion.

As an ex-fighter pilot
engaged in the struggle

for the liberation
of Southeast Asia.

'I can tell you
that...we had faith.'

'We had a sense of mission..'

'...but we did not have
airplanes that were survivable.'

You have the screw?
That screw down there.

Where's the plane, Rechtin?

Oh, that's a good question,
Frank.

Best we can tell,
it took a heading of

2-6-0 towards Long Beach.

- Long Beach?
- That's a rog.

The plane went to Long Beach?

That's what it looks like,
Frank.

Why don't we turn it around?

Well, we're working
on that right now.

Can somebody tell me
what the hell's going on?

- We think it could be water.
- Water?

Well, because of the demo today,
we washed it down last night.

The water must've
fouled the electronics.

First it's the air conditioning,
now it's the water.

I mean, are you guys
pulling my tit or what?

Washing it was sheer stupidity.

- Should do great tomorrow.
- 'Tomorrow?'

After it dries.

There is no tomorrow,
you assholes!

Have you ever heard of rain?

[male #2]
'Northbound on the harbor'

'we've got a small
fender-bender'

'going on at
the Slauson off-ramp'

'that's got things
tied up just a bit.'

'Traffic's backed up
maybe, uh, a mile.'

If you can find
an alternate route

I would, uh, definitely do so.

Southbound on the harbor, things
are getting pretty smooth

for this time of day.

Christ, he's shooting at us!

[indistinct chatter]

[male #3]
'What the hell's
going on up here?'

'Please be advised, general.'

Systems check.
Preparations systems.

Come on.

I got no display.

Frank, should we abort?

Abort? You imbecile!

I've got all my
customers out there!

- 'Where's your plane, Frank?'
- It's fine, it's fine.

Everything's fine. It's fine.

Gentlemen, I'm afraid we-we..

[clears throat]
...owe you a little apology.

Some unexpected problems
have developed

but I'm informed that we
have everything under control.

This is a great day
for the Air Force, senator.

Why is that, general?

Because the navy ordered

20 of those disasters.

Son of a bitch!

Duck and cover!

[dramatic music]

Oh-ho!

[male #4]
'Response still negative.
I don't believe it.'

Oh, no! Shit!

[computer beeping]

- 'It's getting ready to fire!'
- We're in deep shit.

[explosion]

[female reporter on TV]
'When Luchup Industries
remote-controlled'

'aircraft the Peacemaker--'

[Eddie]
'You're where? Great.'

'Listen, I've got this Luchup
deal all figured out, man.'

'They blew the navy sale'

so they gotta go for foreign.

Ray, we're talking about

pulling off
the deal of the century here.

I mean, if that sort
of thing interests you.

If he wills what, Ray? It?

'I don 't see any problem.'

[instrumental music]

Mr. Muntz.

Yes.

Do you remember me?

We met in San Miguel.

Oh, yes, of course.
You suffered a loss.

Yes. My husband.

- I'm sorry.
- Could we go inside?

I'd like to be frank with you.

Frank as the situation demands.

My, uh, my husband didn't leave
his affairs in order.

In fact, he, uh, well, he..

...he left his mother and me
in a great deal of debt

and she hasn't been feeling
very well, poor thing

'and I had to put her in a
nursing home and I thought--'

It's a cruel world, Mrs. DeVoto.

That's what keeps us
from getting fat and lazy.

Mr. Muntz, I believe
my husband was working

on some very important
contracts.

Contracts that maybe worth
a great deal of...money.

Would you care for some wine?

Thank you.

What'd your husband do?

'He was a salesman
for an aerospace firm.'

Any particular one?

Luchup Industries.

You mean, you'd like me
to check out these contracts

obtain your late husband's
rightful commission

which you will gratefully
split with me?

Sounds good.

Is your husband's
mother doing well?

Is she what?

Is she doing well?
She's in a nursing home.

She is. She..

It's really expensive, but I
think it's doing some good.

Why don't you tell me

why you're really here,
Mrs. DeVoto.

Well, I, I just did.

You come in here looking
like a million bucks

and you're talking penny-ante.

Now, I think
you're playing with me.

Well, uh, maybe
I haven't been clear.

Oh, you've been clear
about everything

except why you're here.

Here, now, I'm
just dying to know.

I, I..

I didn't know where else to go.

Mrs. DeVoto.

I mean, I thought
you could help.

Getting warmer.

I, I..

I've been so confused
and so alone.

I mean, Mr. Muntz, maybe you
don't know what it's like to..

[sobbing]
'...to lose a loved one.'

[sobbing]
I'm sorry.

'Oh, God.'

Here you go, try one of these.

Alright, I'm going now.

Sorry to have disturbed you.

Catherine, sit down.
I believe you.

[mellow music]

Will you help me? Yes or no?

Hey, I can understand
how you feel.

You're in a tough spot

and I'm really sorry.

But there's nothing
I can do for you.

Mr. Muntz, there is something
I wasn't going to bring up

but I think, perhaps under these
circumstances..

...it's necessary.

And a man like you
would understand

what I'm about to say.

You see, Ed..

I know you killed my husband.

I know you stole his contracts.

[clears throat]

- Is that loaded?
- I have an itchy finger, Ed.

Harold?

- Oh!
- Ah!

Oh, my God, what have you done?

Oh, Jesus! You shot my foot!

I'm sorry,
you pushed my hand and--

Oh, God, it was healing
and you shot it.

- Look at this!
- I'm sorry, it was an accident.

Look at the carpet! I'm bleeding
all over the carpet.

- Where are the towels?
- Ow! Oh, Christ!

- I get so crazy sometimes.
- 'Oh, Jesus! Look at this!'

Oh, Christ!

Hurry up! Look at my rug!

'I don't believe this.
Look at the rug!'

'Look at my foot! Je..'

'Oh, crap!
Oh, it's not stopping.'

- What do you want me to do?
- 'Stop the bleeding.'

I don't know, cut the cast off.
Oh! Oh! Come on.

- 'I really hate emergencies.'
- Come on, will you?

Do something.
What is that, a cork?

- Temporarily.
- No, no. Ah!

- What do you say, Ed?
- Ah! Oh, it's a burglar!

He's not a burglar.
He's my partner.

Ed, now if you're busy,
I can come back.

I'm not busy, Ray.

Come in. You gotta get in.

Listen, is, uh, something
happening here, Ed?

- She shot me, man.
- Oh, you shot him?

- Uh, yes, I did.
- Where'd you shoot him?

- In the foot.
- It's too kinky for me, Ed.

This is not kinky!
This isn't kinky.

- Not at all.
- Have I met you?

- Uh, Catherine DeVoto.
- Oh, jeez, Ray Kasternak.

Oh, great, Ray.
Sit down and have some wine.

- Hey, what's this cork doing?
- Don't touch that cork!

Don't touch that cork!

I'm going out, Ray.
I'm losing it. I'm losing it.

He's going out.
He's losing it.

- I'm gonna vomit on the carpet.
- Yeah.

Oh, God. Jesus.

Yeah, yeah.
Alright, Ed. Alright.

We're getting you
to the hospital.

- Come on. Come on.
- I'm finished.

Can you get his
other arm, please?

- Don't mess up my carpet, Ray.
- Alright.

- Alright, we got you.
- Got him.

- Uh, we're going back this way.
- Get my coat.

- Come on.
- Gotta get my jacket.

Don't worry about your coat.

You let this woman shoot you?

You're my friend, man.

Don't let them take it off.

No way. No way, Ed.

- Don't let them take it off.
- No way, Ed.

- Ah!
- Easy, slow down.

Listen, listen to me, Ray.

- What?
- The contracts.

Don't worry about that, Ed.
I got them right here with me.

Alright, over here.
Over this way.

- I'm gonna throw up, Ray.
- Alright. Careful.

Mr. Muntz, let me come
right to the point.

We have the contracts.

Mrs. DeVoto delivered
them to us.

'But they're not worth
the paper they're printed on.'

Oh, really? Why not?

'The Cordosa government
canceled last night.'

Now, I don't know what you did
or who you dealt with..

...and I'm sure
I don't want to know.

But you succeeded in days
where we failed in years.

We'd like you to do it again.

Mrs. DeVoto has told us
a good deal about you..

...particularly, your close ties
with the Cordosa family.

Yes, I also told him about your
tank deal with the Sudanese

the Honduran submarine
sale and the heavy artillery

'transfer to the Rhodesians.'

Ed, General Cordosa
will be in town tomorrow.

Starting Wednesday

every major arms
manufacturer in the world..

..and every buyer of importance
from 45 countries

will be at the
West Coast arms show.

I want the Peacemaker sold

before the end of the show, Ed.

Think of what you'd be doing
if you're successful.

You'll be putting bread
on the tables

of 20,000 families
at Luchup alone..

...plus the families
of 10,000 or so subcontractors.

This one sale will mean
jobs and prosperity.

An oasis of employment.

This is not just a sale, Ed..

...it's a struggle for the
livelihood of your community

and your country.

It's a hell
of a responsibility, Ed.

But I get the feeling
you're...one hell of a guy.

What's my end, Hank?

[Eddie]
Ray, all I'm saying is,
we're in the ballpark.

Let's go one more innings,
see what happens.

How's the leg, Ed?

It's agony, Ray.

If I never got shot in that leg
again, it'll be too soon.

- I could kill that broad.
- That woman is poison, man.

What time do we
pick up the torch?

Six.

It's Anaheim,
you think you can make it?

I can't, man.
I can't. I got a meeting.

- A meeting, Ray?
- Yeah, a prayer meeting.

Oh, Ray,
right now this is trouble

and I don't need it,
and here it is.

I don't think so.

[Eddie]
'Ray, did you ever hear
the separation'

'of church and business?'

'The country was founded on it.'

I'm going through
some changes, Ed. I can't.

So, what do you wanna do?
Drop out of the business?

Go back to the service
as a test pilot?

They won't hire you, Ray.
You know this.

I was really good.

You weren't just good, Ray.

You were the best.

Somebody, anybody, asks me,
I tell 'em you were the best.

You know, when I flew, Ed,
it was just, it was beautiful.

I just...I felt like I was
at one with the universe.

Look, play it any way you want.

What I'm saying is,
you're not a rich man.

You can't afford to be
spiritual full-time, Ray.

Ray, while I work out
the particulars

of the Peacemaker deal, do me
a favor, cover Simbo's for me?

I can't, I don't wanna--

He's sitting on a wad of
flamethrowers at a decent price.

If they're any good,
we could have a shot

at Angola, Mozambique.

Any number of places,
given the right breaks.

Please, Ray,
one more time for me.

Come on.

This is your basic M2A1.

You got your tank group here,
you got your gun group here.

Fuel tank, pressure tank,
connector, valve hose

ignition lever,
nozzle shield, the enchilada.

You got some rust here.

Rust on my equipment, Ray?
Oh-oh, no. Where?

Here in the valve section.

Oh, it's just a little rust,
Ray. It's the dampness.

Get a kid in with an S.O.S pad,
this'll clean up realnice.

Look, this is not
a new weapon, Ray.

You want new,
go to the manufacturer.

This hose looks split.

Ah, the hose will outlive
the both of us, man.

We're talking a small item here.
Two bits, any hardware store.

[Rick]
'It's a great buy, Ray.'

Rick just got back from
Rhodesia. Didn't you, Rick?

You know I did, Charlie.

It's a beautiful weapon, Ray.

We take the house-warmer with us

when we chase the boogies
to Mozambique.

'Cause when they're sitting
in 'em thatched huts..

...you don't wanna go knocking
on doors to find out who's who.

So we just get out
the house-warmer..

...light him up, and out they
run, just like ants.

'Then we pick and choose, pick
and choose, pick and choose.'

[laughing]

[Eddie]
'You don't just walk up
to a world figure and say'

'"Hello, general. How are you?
How are the kids?'

I'm here to make all your
political dreams come true."

These meetings take preparation.
They could get technical on us.

Like?

Like, what does the plane
look like?

I've never even seen it.

I have a trunk full
of Harold's technical papers.

Oh, that's why we need Ray.

Ray was a test pilot
in the Air Force.

He's one of the best
technical men in the trade.

No disrespect, Muntz

but I don't think Ray's
heart is really in this.

Look, don't you worry
about Ray. Okay?

When it comes to business,
Ray's all pro.

For I do not do
the good that I want

but the evil
I do not want is what I do.

Now, if I do what I do not want,
it is no longer I that do it..

'...but sin which
dwells within me.'

That's a beautiful thought, Ray.

Romans 7:19 through 20.

Nineteen through 20. Isn't that
beautiful, Mrs. DeVoto?

Too deep for me.

You know, Ray,
I was just standing here

and thinking how much
I'd love to spend

the afternoon
discussing theology--

Hey, Ed, I'm not just
talking about the--

No! Ray, 'cause we could
really dust off the old Bible

and dig in and find
a few Revelations

that could be handy
in our everyday lives.

'Unfortunately, wild kingdom
comes on in a half an hour'

'and you know me, Ray,
I never miss an episode.'

You drive me nuts.
You know that, don't you, Ray?

- Tony, don't start with me.
- I don't want you come inside.

I don't want you coming inside.

I want you to wait out here
when you come pick me up.

- Alright?
- Alright, fine.

I don't want you standing around
drinking soda pop

letting a bunch of guys
look at your ass.

- Alright?
- Hey, what's..

'Fine.'

[indistinct chatter]

I don't wanna hear it, alright?

[sighs]
I can't believe..

Tony, watch out!

[horn honks]

[indistinct chatter]

[female #1]
'Hey, what's the matter
with you?'

[Tony]
'Now, stay out of this,
I'll handle this!'

- 'Don't yell at me, Tony!'
- 'Get back in the car!'

[Tony]
'Get back in the car!'

Hey! Hey, man, you hit my car.

- I hit your car, man?
- Yeah, yeah, you hit my car.

You hit the back of my..
Uh, look I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Wait, w-what are you talking
about, sorry, man?

You hit my bumper. You smashed..
Look at this thing!

- Hey, are you blind?
- Man, get out of here!

- Look, there's--
- What are you?

Some kind of an asshole?

It's nice to have met you both.
Have a nice evening.

Hey, hey, bulldog.

Hey, bendigo.

Hey, I'm talking to you.

Hey, fancy pants,
I'm talking to you.

Hey, how would you like
if I hit your car, huh?

How would you like if I went
like this, huh?

You like that, huh?

You like that?

- You like that, asshole?
- 'Jerk!'

[Tony]
'You get back in that car.'

'Tony, stop screaming
at me, goddamn it.'

You know, man
that was completely

unnecessary and not right.

Look, I apologized,
I said I was sorry.

Miss, could you excuse us
for a second?

Hey!

[speaking in foreign language]

You don't talk to her, man.
You talk to me.

- I'm trying to talk to you.
- You got that, nigger?

Look, look, I said I was sorry.
I'm apologizing to you.

You know, any damage
that you feel I did

I'd be happy to pay for it.

Don't, let's not..

You know, you're getting
too worked up, man.

- Worked up, man?
- Look, just lighten up.

- Worked up?
- Come on.

- I'll show you worked up.
- Oh, man.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe
this is happening.

You like that, boy?

- I don't believe this, man.
- You like that?

[Ray]
'You know, I don't
understand this, man.'

- What-what is your problem?
- I got a problem, man?

Well, it seems like
you got a problem.

No, no, you've
got a problem, man.

You got a problem
right here, man.

[Ray]
'Look, come on, man.
What's your problem?'

- Right here.
- You feel this is necessary?

You want a problem?
You got a problem.

[grunting]

'Here's a little problem
for you, right?'

[speaking in foreign language]

- 'A problem for you!'
- You idiot! You goddamn idiot!

What's the matter with you, man?

[indistinct chatter]

- I'm your problem!
- Tony, calm down, will you?

Huh? You want a problem?
You got it!

'Tony, be careful.'

- What the hell is that?
- Hey, where you going?

Come on back, I see you got
a nice flame job here for you.

I'm gonna give you
a little touch-up.

A little touch-up.

Just a little touch-up for you.

[instrumental music]

You met him in the service?

Yeah, Ray was a flyer.
I was in the PX.

Why did Ray quit the service?

Oh, he didn't.

They took a dim view
of his unauthorized flights.

How many?

Twenty-seven. Ray loves to fly.

Oh, man, I am so screwed up.

Yes, you are, Ray.
I'll grant you that.

We've been friends
a long time, Ed.

Best friends.
Goes without saying.

I just don't want anything
to get between us, man.

I'll never let that happen, man.

Light good enough for you, Ray?

Yes, it's fine.

Ray, is there anything else
we can get for you?

No, I'm good. Thanks.

Here take a couple of these.

It'll help activate the coffee.

What's the "Meridian..

...subdividing into
the Mercator solution?"

Well, he's going so fast,
how can he absorb anything?

What do you think you're dealing
with a couple of amateurs here?

You really want
me to answer that?

Ray, what is the, uh,
"Negative static margin

"of the, uh, longitudinal axis

of the Peacemaker's
air-combat configuration?"

Could you heat this up
for me, please?

- Surely.
- Thank you.

[instrumental music]

Thank you, Muntz.

You sure you wouldn't be
more comfortable in there?

Hm, where will you be?

I'll be where
it's more comfortable.

Huh.

I'm fine here.

- Goodnight, Mrs. DeVoto.
- 'Goodnight, Muntz.'

[Catherine]
'It's refreshing to meet
a professional gentleman.'

Professional schmuck.

[instrumental music]

[Eddie]
'Oh, Mrs. DeVoto.'

[Catherine]
'Mm-hmm.'

[Eddie]
'Uh, one thing.'

'I forgot to mention I keep some
items stored under the couch'

'which needn't alarm you,
because they've been defused'

'and there's almost
no chance of them going off.'

[music continues]

Muntz.

Duck and cover.

[Cordosa]
'Idiot, bring the ball
up here. Come on, let's go.'

- Ah! Senor,Muntz.
- Hey, general.

Good to see you again.

You remember
Colonel Oswaldo Salgado?

Of course, allow me
to introduce my associates.

Ray Kasternak,
Catherine DeVoto.

Oh, now I am in trouble.

I am so easily swayed
by a beautiful woman.

Gracias.

Now, senorMuntz,
please tell me why it is that

my country should deploy
this Peacemaker..

...when your country does not?

Oh, general, I'd like to clear
up a misconception, if I may.

The Pentagon
cancelled the Peacemaker

after one small mishap. Why?

Because of a couple
of lousy defective parts

from some contemptible
subcontractor?

I don't believe this, general.
No.

I believe that from day one

the Air Force never intended
to use the Peacemaker.

Why is that, senorMuntz?

Why, general? Why is that?

Because
it's a pilotless vehicle.

The Air Force is full of pilots.

I mean, no one wants to be
replaced by a machine.

Where would they go?
What would they do?

How would they support
their families?

What is your assessment

of the variable camera wing
at this time?

At this time? Ray?

Our tests have shown
conclusively

that the variable camera wing

provides improved lift
coefficients

at high angle of attack..

...lower drag at a given lift

and, uh, significantly improved
the buffet characteristics.

[Cordosa]
'Senorita.'

[Salgado]
'I understand that the transfer
of certain technologies'

'incorporated in this design'

'were at one time restricted
by your government.'

Are you referring
to directional solidification?

Si, senor.

Yeah, well, this process of, uh

longitudinally aligning
metal grains

is no longer restricted.

It should pose no problem.

I'd have to concur with that.

Uh, look, can we get
to the bottom line here?

We got a plane,
we call it the "Peacemaker."

You don't need any pilots.

You don't need a hangar.
You don't need an airstrip.

You can keep the thing
in your garage

and fire it out
of your backyard.

One, possibly two technicians

in a trailer can control
an entire squadron.

And each one of these things

can out-fly any
manned aircraft going.

Now, if I may be a little bit
frank, colonel, uh

you can buy your F-18s
all day long

'but where you gonna find
the pilots to fly them?'

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, look around,
it's rust city down there.

If I'm not out of line here.

By the way, what sort of battery

do you recommend
for the missile system?

- What kind do you want?
- Well, what kind do you have?

- What do you want them to do?
- What can they do?

- Ray?
- You can use a thermal battery.

They can sit forever and won't
activate till you need them.

- How much is the cost?
- 'How many can you use?'

- How many will I need?
- 'I can get you 500 at cost.'

And your country
can have them before mine's.

Senor,Muntz, I am looking
forward to the demonstration.

I don't think
we should have any problem.

Please accept this small gift

as a token of true friendship.

Yes, thank you.

Oh. Oh.

Ray, you were terrific.

Here, take these in the spirit
of true friendship.

I think they just
bought themselves a drone.

Guy gives you two sets of links,
he's either real forgetful

or he's trying
to tell you something.

[Eddie]
Hey, listen after the arms show

you're gonna be
a wealthy man, Ray.

You could buy your own church.

You can start
your own religion.

We're not building
missiles to fight a war

we're building missiles
to preserve the peace.

[instrumental music]

♪ Shine come on and shine ♪

♪ Open your mind ♪

♪ To all the love inside you ♪

♪ Shine let your love shine ♪

♪ In on your mind
and I'll be here to guide you ♪

♪ Try just let him go ♪

♪ Just get it in ♪

♪ Trusting in
all that mission ♪

♪ I'm letting you know.. ♪♪

[male announcer]
'Superweapons, the newest
weapons of the world.'

'Fighting mechanisms'

'representing
a crystallization'

'the cream of contemporary'

'science and man's intellect.'

'Each and every single one
of them is alive'

'and on-station today
throughout the world'

'taking a dramatic step
forward towards tomorrow.'

[speaking in foreign language]

[Eddie]
'Yeah, that's a Mirage 2000,
general. That's a prototype.'

'The way they're going, they
won't even be in production'

'for two years.'

[male announcer]
'Tigershark, the F-20.'

'Boasting the world's
fastest-thinking avionics.'

'The best dogfighter
in the world.'

'The Mirage, an
interceptor-attack aircraft'

'that combines power
with smart looks.'

'Available
in a choice of colorings.'

'Invulnerable
to all enemy defenses'

'providing superior range'

'speed, accuracy
and kill power.'

The range on these missiles can
be extended with variable depth.

[male announcer]
'The B-1A, the world's
newest bomber.'

'Manufactured by
Rockwell International.'

[Huddleston]
'Can a nuclear war be won?'

The answer is yes.

The United States can survive
a Soviet first strike

and retaliate,
inflicting more damage

on them than they inflict on us.

With proper
shelter and preparation

our leadership
will survive intact

'our industry will
function reasonably..'

'...and as Vice President Bush
has stated..'

...far more than five percent
of our population will survive.

But if only one man and one
woman are left on this earth

it is my deep desire
that they be Americans.

[Eddie]
This is a miniature for
demonstration purposes only

but you can rig this up
to any full-size urinal.

'Now, this hot-wire
here is hidden'

'if it's painted
the color of the back wall.'

Now, the idea is when your enemy
comes to take a leak

his own piss will activate
this little contact here, okay?

So, he comes in and
he takes a piss and..

Pisses himself to infinity.
Pretty good, huh?

[female announcer]
'The next live-ammunition
demonstration'

'will take place
on the firing range at two p.m.'

See anything you need, general?
Maybe I can beat the price.

[laughing]

I love these cuff links.

[speaking in foreign language]

[Eddie]
'Those are trainers, general.'

You couldn't even get an Israeli

to fly one of those.

You need a pilotless
vehicle in my opinion.

- Pilotless.
- A drone.

[male announcer]
'Peacemaker,
from Luchup Industries'

'promising bigger
bangs for less bucks.'

♪ Shine come on and shine ♪

♪ Baby be kind ♪

♪ And like a wave
we're gonna shine ♪

♪ Into the shine.. ♪

- SenorMuntz?
- Yeah?

The general
has expressed a wish

to see some cultural
aspects of your city.

Any particular one?

I believe there
is an activity called, uh

"Female mud wrestling?"

- Female mud wrestling?
- That's right.

Females, in the mud, wrestling?

[chuckles]
You think you can
do something about it?

We can try.
How about hot oatmeal?

♪ Let your love shine ♪♪

[male announcer]
'After firing,
the gunner has only to keep'

'the crosshairs
trained on the target.'

Tonight, I'm gonna take you
to see the finest

mariachi band in LA.

After we go to dinner
at a Gourmet Mexican Restaurant.

- You like Mexican food?
- Will Catherine be joining us?

Catherine? Of course.

She's planning cocktails
at her place first.

Seven o'clock good?

[Eddie]
'What do you mean,
General Cordosa's'

'not taking any calls?'

He was supposed to meet me
two hours ago.

Yeah, I know
you'll take a message.

The message is, "Look at
the last six messages," lady.

Ed Muntz, Muntz.

M-U-N-T-Z.

Sounds pleasurable, but you'll
have to show me how sometime.

Sheesh, the future
of the free world's at stake

and I get Don Rickles'
answering service.

Hello, you're on the air.

Sorry, the laundry's closed.

Mr. Muntz, I have an invitation

for you from Mr. Kayhim Masaggi.

What the hell? What are you
talking about? What invitation?

Mr. Masaggi would be pleased

if you would come
to his private office

in one half-hour.

Come where?
Who the hell are you?

His car is at your disposal.

[Eddie]
Kayhim Masaggi.

The richest arms dealer
in the world.

What the hell is he doing here
in the Burbank Airport?

What the hell
does he want with me?

- Mr. Muntz.
- 'Yeah?'

Kayhim Masaggi.

Pleased to know you.

Please.

I understand
you have a sale to make.

I also understand

you're having some difficulty.

Perhaps I could be
of some benefit to you.

I'm not sure I follow you.

Mr. Muntz, General Cordosa
needs the Peacemaker.

It will give him the capacity
to hit rebel bases

wherever he chooses,
particularly

in those sanctuaries
across the Costa Rican border.

Of course, this will
threaten the Costa Ricans

and with good reason,
making them

absolutely crazy with fear.

How will they defend themselves?

Charged particles, Mr. Muntz?

Pardon?

Charged particles,
the death beam.

Zero time-of-flight weaponry.
The ideal Peacemaker-killer.

They're here, they're for sale,
and they're very expensive.

And in time, the Costa Ricans
will have to buy them.

Now, we can expect
some border tension.

And if my thinking is accurate,
as it always has been

the major powers
will eagerly enter the fray

creating an enormous demand
for replacements, spare parts.

Whoever wins, we win.

Whoever loses, we win.

Mr. Muntz, I believe
that your one small sale

will help make
limited global warfare

a reality well into the '90s.

And we will all prosper
accordingly.

Well, that's some very fine
thinking there, Mr. Masaggi

and a great motivator but, uh,
right now, General Cordosa's

not even taking my calls.

When you were with the general,
did you receive a gift?

- A gift? Yeah.
- Mm.

A couple pairs of these links.

In the spirit of
true friendship?

And as a true friend

what did you offer the general?

Mr. Muntz, may I suggest
a charitable contribution

through which the general's
wife and sister

can further their
humanitarian pursuits?

With all due respect,
Mr. Masaggi

you are aware of the
Foreign Corrupt Practices Act

'of 1977?'

No, no, that-that is no problem.

Thanks to your president

your treasury
and an obliging congress

your new tax bill makes
these contributions

both legal and tax-deductible.

- How much?
- 1.7 million.

I see.

I'm gonna give you
a phone number, Ed.

I know nothing
about this matter.

We've never
had this conversation.

And, Ed, we'll need a receipt

for tax purposes.

[Eddie]
'Look, Cath, uh, I, uh..'

Well, here's a little something
to remember this by.

- Muntz.
- Go ahead, open it.

It's a souvenir.

- A Timex.
- Yeah.

It's, uh, it's lovely.

Look at the back.

"The deal of the c-century.

Edward Muntz."

It's quartz.
Never needs winding.

[bell dings]

- What the hell, Ray?
- I'm sorry to bother you.

We're making a connection, Ray.

- I know that.
- So, what the hell?

So, we gotta stop this sale.

There's gonna be
a lot of bloodshed.

But I talked to
the Costa Rican Embassy.

- You talked to who?
- Their embassy.

About this?

Since he's been in power

Cordosa has increased

the San Miguel defense budget

400 percent.

Now, he wants to start
building Peacemakers.

Ed, this man can't spell,
and he wants to build and export

the world's most lethal
fighter plane in the world.

Who'd you talk to, Ray?

I talked to their ambassador.

Look, he's here,
let me get him. Just one--

You brought him here?

Don't look at me like
I'm a religious fanatic.

I justwant you
to talk to this man.

Ed, we can't
go through with this, man.

Everybody's using these
two little countries

as a dumping ground
for the junk nobody wants.

And then we act surprised
when a war breaks out?

I don't wanna be a part
of that anymore, Ed.

- Now, just one second.
- Ray.

Ray, please.
Please, man, come here.

Ray, all we're doing is

selling a commodity, Ray,
like Coca-Cola.

They sell to everybody, Ray.

They sell to the British.
They sell to the IRA.

They sell to the Arabs.
They sell to the Israelis.

They sell to Castro.
they sell to Rockefeller.

What it boils down to, Ray,
is who makes the sale.

If they don't, Pepsi will.

If we don't make this sale
to Cordosa, somebody else will.

And as far as we're concerned,
things go better with Coke.

So do me a favor
and get off my ass.

Ray, Ray, lose this guy.

Dump him.

One moment, Ed.

Before you go, Ed

'there is one more thing.'

What's that, colonel?

The general wishes
to meet a woman.

A woman?

Yes.

Look, let's get something
straight here, okay?

I'm not a bagman,
and I'm not a pimp.

I'm a businessman.

And I hope
you can see the difference.

- You were insulted, senor?
- Yeah.

Frankly, I am. I'm insulted.

What's he looking for?
I mean, a pro? A semi-pro?

One of the girls
from the show? What?

I believe you know this woman.

What did you say?

[scoffs]
What could I say?

You'd think these people
would have some class.

None whatsoever.

None whatsoever.
Goes without saying.

'What time is it?'

Four-thirty.

- Four-thirty?
- It must've stopped.

It can't stop, it's quartz.

What should I do?

You're smart. Finesse him.

Muntz, I think
you should know something.

You're not giving your life
to Jesus Christ?

I've never been able to finesse
anyone in my whole life.

Look, Cath, whatever you want.
Really, I'm serious.

Whatever I want?

Yeah, you wanna go up there

you don't wanna go up there.

What do you want?

Whatever. It's 11-18.

The Bob and Dolores Hope suite.

You're sure?

[sighs]
Jeez, I don't know.

Yeah, I think it's 11-18.

11-18.

Bob and Dolores Hope.

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

[spray fizzes]

[Cordosa moaning]

[speaking in foreign language]

[Catherine]
'Oh, what an hombreyou are.'

- 'Oh.'
- 'You think so?'

'These films are a great idea.
Wonderful.'

- 'You liking it.'
- 'You're such a brave boy.'

[Cordosa]
'I love you. I, I..'

[Catherine]
'No, mi general,
you'll hurt yourself.'

[Cordosa]
'I don't know what's wrong.'

[speaking in foreign language]

'What is this?'

[speaking in foreign language]

[Catherine]
'You don't
have to apologize to me.'

[Cordosa]
'How can I make
this up to you, baby? How?'

[Catherine]
'Just sign the contract, Arturo'

'and you'll always be
el magnificoto me.'

- 'Hey, baby.'
- 'Okay, okay.'

[sighs]

Then shall we pray for Raymond?

Yes, let's pray for Raymond.

- He's truly a miracle.
- Yes.

In obedience to the command

of our Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ

I baptize thee
in the name of the Father

and of the Son
and of the Holy Ghost.

Buried in the likeness
of his death.

'Raised to walk
in the newness of life.'

-'Hallelujah!'
- 'Amen.'

[Eddie]
Cath, listen,
last night at the hotel

I think I really
went over the line

and I'm-I'm sorry, I swear.

I'd rather sell used cars than

than have you do something
like that again. I..

So did you? Uh..

Well, I appreciate
the sentiment, Muntz.

[male #5]
'The United States'

'is no longer the most powerful
military force on earth.'

'We're outnumbered
in our Navy surface ships'

'and submarines two to one'

'we're outgunned
in artillery three to one'

'we're outmanned
in tanks four to one.'

'They have more missiles,
bigger missiles'

more powerful missiles
than we have.

We're no longer negotiating
from strength.

[male #5]
'I'm happy to
report that the F-19X'

is right on schedule
and on budget.

You know,
one distinguished senator

who shall remain nameless

has called the money
spent building the F-19X

a waste of taxpayer's funds.

Well, reasonable men may differ

but this aircraft will do more
to deter a future war

than any other existing
technology.

'Why do we spend more
to make the F-19X better'

'when it's already
the best there is?'

'The answer is
that our enemies are building'

'better aircraft too.'

'If we don't keep up'

'they're just liable
to catch up.'

- Excuse me?
- Yes, sir?

- This going up today?
- No, I'm sorry, it's not.

Beautiful plane, man.

My friend,
you are looking at the most

versatile aircraft in the world.

Both a fighter and a bomber.

Navy and marines
just ordered a hundred of 'em.

- Well, congratulations.
- Thank you.

How much?

About 35 million apiece
if you figure overruns.

- Sidewinders and Sparrows?
- That's correct.

What's the transonic
acceleration?

It'll get up to about Mach 1.2
faster than the F-18.

- What's the envelope?
- Varies with the maneuver.

But it'll do the job
more than nine.

You can start the engines
and run a complete systems check

with no external power.

Alright.

- How much thrust? Ooh!
- Thirty-two thousand pounds.

Change an engine
in about 20 minutes.

Are you a pilot?

Only on weekends.

[male announcer]
'The Sea Harrier, renowned'

'and victorious
in the Falklands conflict'

'manufactured by
British Aerospace'

'for fighter reconnaissance
and strike rolls.'

'Two Sidewinder AIMs,
230-millimeter guns.'

How do you call these,
"Whoriers?"

No, that's a Harrier, general.
Harrier, yesterday's news.

Brits lost seven of 'em
in the Falklands.

The Argentines were using them
for target practice.

They lost pilots, too.
You don't need that.

- What are you drinking?
- Rum and Coke.

Four rum and Cokes.

I'm sure you already know this,
so, there's no reason

to bring it up,
but Ray is here.

- Ray's here? Where?
- Looking at the F-19X.

Can I have a Scotch and water?

Carrying his flight helmet.

- Hold the water.
- Stay with the general.

[instrumental music]

Ray!

Ray!

Ray!

[engine revving]

[chuckles]

[male announcer]
'The F-19X is flying
without authorization.'

'Repeat, the F-19X is flying..'

Guess what, your friend says

he's going to blow up
the arms show.

- 'What?'
- He wants to talk to you.

- That you, Ray?
- Hey!

- Is that you, Ed?
- So, is this for real?

You're gonna blow up
the arms show or what?

[Ray]
'That's right, Ed.'

Anything I can do
to change your mind?

I have no choice.

Ray, we're letting
a million bucks slide here.

I mean, you can't
find that kind of money

in the streets,
you know what I'm saying?

Hey, listen, Ed,
no matter what happens

I love you, man.

There's other people
in the trailer here, Ray.

[Ray]
'I love them, too.'

I'll tell 'em.

[indistinct chatter]

Is that you, Ray?

What's that?
I didn't catch that.

You won't blow up the arms show

if everybody joins together
in a moment of prayer.

Yeah, you don't
want anybody hurt.

This is great, Ray.

We have an unauthorized flight
on our hands

and we're going to have to
evacuate the premises

until we get--

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Who is this joker anyway?

An ex-Air Force,
ex-Marine pilot. I'm not sure.

I say let's send up an I-Hawk
and bring the bastard down.

Hey, with all due respect
to my colleague from Raytheon

who is to be congratulated
on his fine notion

I wish to point to the record
which clearly shows that

his missile couldn't
hit the broadside of a barn--

- Bullshit!
- Hold it! Hold it!

I don't wanna toot
Grumman's horn

but we got an F-14 Tomcat
out there

that's ready, willing and able
to get the job done!

You couldn't hit it
if it was sitting on the ground.

It's beautiful, Sherm.

We've got all the buyers
in the world out there

and all we have to do
is bring down

one crazy spade in an F-19X.

- We'll be combat-proven.
- I like it, Frank.

[whooshing]

Frank, he'll come down.
Trust me.

I know Ray like a brother.

Ed, you believe in the power
of the demonstration, don't you?

You're about to see
the state of the art

in advanced weaponry in action.

The next best thing to a war.

- Alright.
- Give him hell.

- God bless. Let's do it.
- Everybody ready? Let's go.

[male announcer]
'All visitors must abandon
the area immediately.'

'Repeat, all visitors must
abandon the area immediately.'

- 'Weapons selector activated.'
- Positive.

Attitude control system
activated.

- Positive.
- Stand by to launch.

[engine revving]

[Rechtin]
'Seven, six'

'five, four..'

Jesus, Frank.

[Rechtin]
'Two, one.'

Blast away, mother.

[aircraft droning]

[instrumental music]

[Will]
'Radar locked on target.'

- 'Computer in attack module.'
- 'Missiles ready.'

'Fire at will.'

Ray, this is Ed.
Get that plane out of here.

You're not gonna stop me, Ed.

[aircraft droning]

Fire.

Hey.

Dead from the neck up, Meathead.

[Frank]
What's wrong? What is it?

- Alright, there he is.
- Okay, get set.

Fire.

[explosion]

[intense music]

[Frank]
'Alright, let's play
with the bastard.'

'Show him what we can do.'

[gunfire]

[gasps]

[Rechtin]
'Watch your angle-of-attack
vector?'

[Will]
'Right.'

- 'Climb. Climb.'
- 'I'm on him.'

Fire everything.

They're lined up on you, man.

You're worth
more to them dead than alive.

Get him out of here.
Get him out.

- Come with me. Come with me.
- No.

[Ray]
'Well, come on and get it.'

'Tell Stryker,
I'll kick his ass.'

'I'll be right over you.
You can't miss me.'

But if you do miss,
you'll hit every damn plane

'in your damn arms show.'

Come on up and get me.
Over and out.

[indistinct chatter]

[male announcer]
'All visitors must abandon'

'the area immediately.'

[aircraft droning]

[Rechtin]
'He's dropping right over us,
Frank.'

Fire all you've got.

You want me to destroy
the arms show, Frank?

You candy ass.

We don't build it to destroy,
we build it to protect.

[Rechtin]
'Protect what?'

State of the art.

Our technology against theirs.

We're gonna show the Pentagon.

We'll show the world.
Get out of there, boy.

Congratulations, nigger,
you're about to become history!

State of the art!

[dramatic music]

[explosions]

- Hold it, Frank.
- Huh?

[Frank]
'No!'

[Eddie]
'Go get them, Ray!'

[Ray]
'I'm gonna give you
a little touch-up.'

Just a little touch-up for you.

[gunfire]

[explosion]

'State of the art? My ass!'

[instrumental music]

[Eddie]
Ray was right.

You gotta take a stand.

I don't see him anymore.

He's in Africa now, flying

for the Missionary Air Force.

He's converting headhunters

into Christians.

I see where Frank Stryker's
no longer with Luckup.

He took a leave of absence
to do public relations

for the NAACP.

Probably still combs his hair
with buttered toast.

What do I know?
He never writes.

Me? I'm still
where the action is.

The product's different,
but the principle's the same.

Give the people what they want.

It's good to be working
with my brother.

He knows the business.
And you know something?

He's not out to screw anybody.

On the other hand,
there's Catherine.

Yeah, Catherine. She's become
like one of the family.

And I'll tell you

she can finesse a buyer
better than me

or my brother.

How about dinner?

When?

Tonight.

Where?

How about
the Bob and Dolores Hope suite?

[both chuckles]

[Eddie]
We make a really good team.

I think I'll ask her
to marry me tonight.

Together I don't see
how we can miss.

♪ You better watch out
you better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout ♪

♪ I'm telling you why ♪♪ Why? ♪

♪ Santa Claus
is coming to town ♪

♪ He's making a list ♪

♪ And checking it twice ♪

♪ Gonna find out
who's naughty or nice ♪

♪ Santa Claus
is coming to town ♪

♪ He sees you
when you're sleeping ♪

♪ He knows when you're awake ♪

♪ He knows if you've
been bad or good ♪

♪ So be good for goodness sake ♪♪ Okay ♪

♪ You better watch out
you better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout
I'm telling you why ♪

♪ Santa Claus
is coming to town ♪

♪ With little tin horns
and little toy drums ♪

♪ Rooty toot toots
and rummy tum tums ♪

♪ So you better watch out
you better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout
I'm telling you why ♪

♪ Santa Claus
is coming to town ♪

♪ Santa Claus
is coming to town ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[man speaking
in foreign language]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]