Original subtitles

Sam.

Just a minute, sweetheart.

How are you doing?

Not so good.

Sam, you've gotta get rid of those ridiculous wings.

Mary's being very obstinate.

She doesn't want to be the Good Fairy anymore.

How are you doing?

You may find this hard to believe,

but it's next to impossible

to concentrate on the campaign for the Reducealator

when your wife is walking around with wings on her back

and the Good Fairy's in the kitchen with a hangover.

Well, sweetheart, if worse comes to worse,

you can always use the slogan I suggested. Remember?

No. And please don't remind me.

Sam, if you wanna help me,

if you wanna save my professional life and my sanity,

you'll talk some sense into that miserable Good Fairy.

Oh, now, sweetheart, don't get hysterical.

You cannot think creatively when you're all stirred up.

I'll go have another crack at Mary.

Mary, we have got to be sensible about this.

Now, I didn't mind substituting for you last night

when you were crocked.

Hold it.

Let's not besmirch the name of the Good Fairy.

You gave me a few drops of that...

What did you call it?

Brandy.

Yes.

I just had a few sips to warm my bones.

And I got a little overheated.

You had four blasts and you were crocked.

Mary, I simply cannot let you unload your job on me.

In the first place,

it eliminates my powers of witchcraft,

and more importantly,

I have a family and a husband to take care of.

Speaking of your husband, I think it was very mean of him

to lock up that brandy.

Mary, do you have any idea what this is doing to my husband?

He is desperately trying to work,

and you're not helping him one bit.

You want me to help him?

Yes.

Tell him to unlock the brandy.

Well?

What did Crazy Mary say?

I think the Good Fairy will be a lot easier to deal with

if we give her just one little drink.

I'll agree to anything,

if she'll agree to going back to being the Good Fairy.

I think a little drinkie-poo might just do it.

Okay. Here's the key.

Mary, here's... Mary?

Mary.

Ooh!

There's Mrs. Stephens' Aunt Mary

walking down the street in a robe.

Abner, maybe I should invite her in

and give her some of my chicken soup.

Your chicken soup? Yes.

Why, Gladys? What did she ever do to you?

She went out? What do you mean, she went out?

She can't go out.

What... What happens if...? Suppose...

Suppose she runs into one of the neighbors.

Uh, suppose she starts talking?

We'll be on the 6:00 news, coast to coast.

And in Europe, via Telstar.

Well, she can't have gotten very far.

You keep working. I'll go look for her.

Sam, you go out like that

and we'll have to move to a new neighborhood.

I take that back.

A new country.

Sorry. I lost my head.

Mm.

You're right, Mrs. Kravitz.

Chicken soup is fine.

But I've discovered,

there's nothing like a nip of brandy

to really warm you up.

Darrin, Larry's on the phone.

I know what he wants.

He wants to know what I've come up with

on the campaign for the Reducealator.

Well, I'll just have to bull it through.

And you'd better do something about covering up those wings.

I can't stand looking at them anymore.

I-I-I'll find something.

Hi, Larry. How's it going?

Ha-ha. You took the question right out of my mouth.

How you doing with...?

The campaign on the Reducealator?

Larry, I-I'm on to something so terrific,

that I don't even wanna stop to talk to you.

So, uh, goodbye.

Wait a minute.

We meet Ferber tomorrow,

and he's not gonna be satisfied with a train of thought.

He's paying us for brainstorms.

Now, when are you coming in?

I'm not. I'm on a hot roll,

and I don't wanna blow it. Goodbye.

Hold it. Can't you give me some idea what it's about?

Larry, you're going to make me blow my brainstorm.

Goodbye.

This better?

It looks ridiculous.

Uh, how about a little more?

Oh, I really, really don't think I should.

Do you?

Be my guest.

Why, I certainly wouldn't want to offend my hostess.

I hope Mary hasn't gotten too far.

Y-You... You better take the car.

Okay.

Y-You were the Good Fairy?

Well, excuse me.

Abner?

Did you hear what I just heard?

What?

You thought I was crazy, huh?

You know what she told me?

She used to be the Good Fairy,

but now Mrs. Stephens is the Good Fairy.

Now what do you say?

Don't let her get away.

They have special rates at the sanatorium

for double occupancy.

Uh, Mary, I was think... Mary?

Mar...?

Can we help you, ma'am?

Well, aren't you kind.

Yes, you certainly can.

Do you know what brandy is?

Yes.

And I have the feeling you do too.

Would you happen to have a drop on you?

Just to warm my bones.

What's your name?

Mary. Mary what?

Mary. Just plain Mary now.

But I used to be Mary, the Good Fairy.

Oh, you don't say.

And I used to be Charlie Prince Charming.

I think you better come along with us, ma'am.

I will not go with you, you fresh thing.

But I will go with you.

Fine.

We'll find a place that's, uh, nice and comfortable.

And will I get something to take away this chill?

We'll see what we can work out.

You are a dear man.

Sam?

No trace of Mary?

I searched the whole neighborhood.

Now, what are we gonna do?

Well, I don't know.

We can't call the police and report a missing fairy.

Hello?

Oh. Oh, Mrs. Kravitz.

That's awful.

What's awful?

We don't have to worry about calling the police.

They've already picked her up.

Terrific.

Uh, why do you suppose the police picked my aunt up?

Do you know, Mrs. Kravitz?

Oh?

Well, I wonder how she got so much to drink.

Oh.

Well, you shouldn't have done that, Mrs. Kravitz.

My aunt has a little problem.

What do you mean, that's not the only problem she has?

Oh.

Uh, oh, yeah, well, all...

All that business about her being the Good Fairy

is just a little joke of hers.

Thanks for letting us know, Mrs. Kravitz.

Goodbye.

What was she picked up for?

Probably drunk walking.

I better get right down to the station

and see what I can do.

Maybe I could put on my shawl

and go down to the station. You could stay here and work.

Never mind, Sam.

Besides, I told you that, uh, we're not meeting

with Mr. Ferber until tomorrow.

How thoughtful of Mr. Ferber.

Yes?

Mr. Ferber's here?

He can't be.

He is?

All right.

Ask him to come right in.

Mr. Ferber, come in. Come in.

What a pleasant surprise.

We weren't expecting to see you until tomorrow.

Uh, Mrs. Ferber and I thought we'd fly in a few days earlier.

Take in some theater.

Good. We can get you seats to anything you wanna see.

Tate, if I want seats, I'll go to a broker.

They rob you, but they produce results,

which is more than I can say for your outfit.

Heh-heh. Mr. Ferber, in all fairness,

you are a day early, and, uh...

Yes, I know. I know.

It's just that we're all anxious

to get the Reducealator campaign started.

And, uh, I wanted to see what you fellas had come up with.

Yes.

Well... So, what have you come up with?

As a matter of fact,

I was talking to Stephens a little while ago.

And he's working on an absolutely

sensational idea for you.

Really? Uh, what is it?

I don't know.

He wouldn't tell me.

Did you try coaxing him, or offering him a lollipop?

Well, you know how far out these creative people are.

Ask him to come in.

I'm sure he'll tell me.

Well, that's the whole thing.

He was so caught up in the idea,

he didn't even want to take time to drive into the office.

Now, that's what I call enthusiasm.

I call it insubordination.

If you're really anxious, I can have Stephens drive in.

What? And stop the wheels of genius?

I wouldn't dream of it.

Good. Then we'll wait till tomorrow.

No.

We'll drive out to the genius's house today.

Fine.

I was just gonna suggest that.

Okay, sir, she's released in your custody.

Oh, thank you, sergeant. And, uh,

we'll see that she doesn't run around loose anymore.

Well, just make sure she doesn't run around tight anymore.

You're so right.

Come on, Mary.

No. That nice officer promised me

I'd get something to warm my bones.

And I'm not leaving until I do.

Uh, Mary, this isn't a bar.

It's a police station.

Uh, come on, Mary. Hm?

Uh, I'm sorry if she caused you any trouble,

but, uh, she's been under a strain.

I understand.

I have the same problem with my Uncle Otto.

Well, um... No, I-I'm sorry, Millie.

He's not back yet.

Well... Well, he went out about half an hour ago

on a little, um, emergency.

And, well... Oh, hold... Hold on. Hold on.

Here he...

Uh, he... Here... Here he is now.

It's Larry's secretary.

She's called three times.

Oh. Shh! Shh!

Uh, here. Uh, come on, Mary.

You... We'd better go upstairs and lie down.

He... Hello, Millie.

Y-Yeah, I'm sorry, but I had a little, um, emergency here.

Uh, what's up?

You're kidding.

You're not kidding.

Uh, well... Uh, look, Millie, y-you've got to get to him

and tell him not to bring Ferber out here because...

You... They left 45 minutes ago?

Uh, g-good... Goodbye, Millie.

Larry's coming here?

Uh, with the client.

Ooh. Oh. Oh, that can't be them.

Well, I suggest you don't, uh, wait around to find out.

Just disappear.

Darrin, you know my witchcraft isn't functioning.

Well, you've got those dumb wings. Use them.

In broad daylight?

Some nearsighted duck hunter's apt to shoot me out of the sky.

Now, wait a minute.

Why...? Why are we panicking?

We just don't answer the door.

Later, you can tell Larry that you didn't get back in time,

and I had to take the kids to... To...

Ah. I thought maybe you didn't hear the bell.

Uh, Mrs. Kravitz, we...

I, uh, saw you brought your aunt back.

How is she?

Oh, she's resting now.

What have you got on underneath that?

Uh, Mrs. Kravitz, I hope you won't take offence,

but my sense of privacy is greater

than your sense of curiosity.

And we're expecting company.

Are you, uh, asking me to leave?

Oh, no.

I-I just don't want to detain you.

Here's your company.

I know you're in a hurry, Mrs. Kravitz. I hope you can

come back sometime when you can stay longer.

Goodbye.

And goodbye to you too.

Y-Yeah, okay.

Good luck.

Darrin, I tried to call you... I know. I know.

Oh, how are you, Mr. Ferber?

Well, considering the traffic,

and the smog we had to cut through, not too good.

But Tate tells me you've got a great idea in the oven.

I'm sure it'll perk me up.

Uh, w-well, yes. Heh.

B-But... But at the moment, it's only half-baked.

If that's a joke, I don't get it.

It's a bad joke.

Darrin, are you set up in the den?

Uh, yes, but I...

Come on, Mr. Ferber. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Ferber.

Uh... Uh, well, I mean...

Well, i-it's... It's against my principles

to show unfinished work.

And Mr. Tate knows it. Heh.

It's just not fair to me, and it's not fair to the ideas.

Did you drag me through all that smog for this?

Uh, Darrin, this morning you told me

you were on the trail of a terrific idea.

And you didn't even want to stop to talk.

What happened to it?

I'm... I'm still on the trail,

and I'm still not ready to talk about it.

Is the traffic as bad on the way back?

Temperament. Heh.

Just remember, I pay for results,

not temperament.

Darrin, is that Larry you're talking to?

That's right, honey.

Well, ask him to come in.

What?

She wants us to come in.

Oh.

Sam.

Well, look at that.

Very good.

You sly devil.

Playing obstinate just to build up the suspense, eh?

Mr. Ferber, you'll never guess

what's hidden under this Reducealator of yours.

One of the loveliest ladies I know.

Sam, this is Mr. Ferber.

Oh, how do you do? Oh, Mr. Ferber.

Uh, Darrin and I were just doing

a little research on your product.

He always insists upon that.

Well, that's the first thing

I've heard today that makes sense.

Yes, I-I frequently find that actual use of a product

will inspire an ad campaign.

Well, on to the inspirations.

What do you have to show us?

W-Well... Incidentally, Mr. Ferber,

uh, Darrin was explaining that you can wear the Reducealator

while you do your housework.

Yes, that's the idea.

He said:

"You can whittle away the pounds as you work."

Remember?

Oh, yes.

Uh, that's one thought I had.

"Whittle while you work."

Now, I know you fellas always pitch your second-best first.

So, uh, let's not waste time on strategy.

Ha-ha. Mr. Ferber, you really know

every trick in the book, don't you?

Okay, Darrin, give him number one.

Right.

Number one.

Well...

Uh... M-My, this heat certainly gets

into your bones, doesn't it?

Well, I-I think I'll go about

my household chores.

Yes, I think that's a good idea.

- Well, uh, no. - I-I'd, uh, like to get,

uh, the woman's point of view on this idea of your husband's.

If, uh, you don't mind, Mrs. Stephens?

M-Mind?

Oh, heh, no, of course not.

I'd be happy to give you my point of view.

Oh, you have no idea how stimulating this is.

Yes, sir, Mr. Ferber, you...

You certainly have a hot little item here.

Well, now, you, uh, shouldn't overdo, Mrs. Stephens.

Oh... Oh, no.

Uh, n-no, I'm fine. Uh, really.

This is... Is sort of a shakedown test on the Reducealator

to find out

j-just where the breaking point is.

Well, that's hardly necessary, Mrs. Stephens.

My Reducealator has been thoroughly tested

in our research lab by our top technicians.

Really?

Oh.

Well, d-did a-any of them

tell you how to get this little knob back on?

Do you mean it's broken?

O-O-Only the part that turns off the heat.

Come on, Stephens, let's zip her out of this.

- No. - No?

Did I say no? What I meant was yes.

Uh, let's get her out of there.

You should have spoken up, Mrs. Stevens.

That's right, Sam. I know you didn't want

to offend Mr. Ferber. Offend me?

I'm not the kind of a man that... What...?

What's that she's wearing?

I don't get it.

Uh, w-w-well, uh, do you wanna tell them, Sam?

No. It was your idea.

Well, o-okay.

There.

W-Well, she's the Good Fairy.

What's the Good Fairy got to do with my Reducealator?

I-I'm... I'm coming to that.

Uh, here.

Picture this.

Uh, a-a pretty model, uh, wearing your Reducealator.

Hovering over her head is the Good Fairy.

And underneath, the slogan...

"Fly now, Reducealator."

Fly now?

You're joking, of course.

Not necessarily.

Uh, what exactly does it mean?

Well, uh...

If I... If I have to explain it, I-I failed.

You failed.

But what exactly does it mean?

Well, uh... Uh, fly now.

Uh, heh-heh... Uh, l-live it up.

Uh, eat all you want, reduce later.

It makes a better mystery.

No, no, no. It's an interesting notion.

It takes a second or two to grab you.

I like it.

You know something?

It just grabbed me.

You have a mighty peculiar way of doing business, Stephens,

but I've gotta hand it to you, once you pitch,

you really make an all-out effort.

You'd be surprised how much of that

Sam is responsible for.

The way I feel about it is,

the family that pitches together,

stays hitched together.

Well, that isn't one of my best.

I'd say I'm sorry

for barging in on you, Stephens,

but, uh, heh, now I'm glad I did.

Oh, I'm glad you're glad. Heh-heh.

We're going, Sam.

Oh, already?

I just fixed some bloody marys.

Hey. Mr. Ferber?

Oh, thanks, but I don't drink.

Larry?

You must be joking.

You know I never touch the stuff.

Nice to have met you, Mrs. Stephens.

It's been a real pleasure, a real pleasure.

Nice to have met you, Mr. Ferber.

I'll see you out. Bye, Sam.

Goodbye.

What's going on?

Why are your wings drooping?

Oh, they got a little steamed.

It's nothing to worry about.

They never looked like that when I wore them.

What's that?

Bloody mary. What's in it?

What do you care, as long as it's fermented?

That's certainly not very... Uh, Mary.

Uh, in all the excitement, there was something

I forgot to ask you. Yes?

Well, uh, do you think it would be all right

if I started my rounds a little earlier tonight?

Before midnight? Why?

Well, uh, last night

I couldn't get to the last two children on the list.

You're joking.

Why didn't you mention it this morning?

I, uh... I was ashamed.

You're not doing much for the image of the Good Fairy.

I'll drink to that.

Isn't it a little early?

Well, it's almost 4...

Now look what you've done, clumsy!

So what?

I'll just toss it in the washing machine.

Are you mad?

That dress is made of spun milkweed.

You can't wash it in a washing machine.

Then how do you clean it?

You find a field of young wheat

and you fly low over it,

just letting the tips of the spears touch you.

And that brushes the dirt out.

Oh, I haven't got time to go to all that trouble.

I'll just have to make do.

Make do? Make do?

You can't go out looking like that!

I have a reputation to maintain.

Mary, it is no longer your reputation.

It is mine.

And I will handle it as I see fit.

No, you won't.

You're... You're fired.

Well!

If that's the way you want it.

It certainly is.

Huh. I've learned my lesson.

If you have a job you love, you...

You have to do it yourself.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Well, I'm convinced.

Let's switch. Right now.

Oh. Uh, Darrin, are you sure you don't mind?

I'll get over it.

Ugh!

What a mess.

Ah, heh. Ew.

Samantha, send me to the nearest wheat field.

Mm.

Oh.