Original subtitles

Hi, sweetheart. You're home early. Hi.

I had to pick this up. What is it?

It's a Reducealator. A...? A what-alator?

Reducealator.

It's a prototype for a brand-new product.

And I've gotta come up with a mind-blowing ad campaign

by the day after tomorrow.

How's it work? Well, I'll tell you what.

I'll demonstrate it for you. Don't go away.

Mommy, Mommy!

It's almost out. Look.

Who tied the string onto it?

Sidney. He was gonna pull it, but I didn't trust him.

You pull it, Mommy.

Oh... Uh...

You've gotta be brave, Mommy. Come on.

Oh, okay. R-ready?

One, two...

I can't do it.

Maybe you better close your eyes.

Yeah. Oh... Oh, okay.

- One, two... - Okay, Sam.

Ooh!

It's out, Mommy. It's out.

Look, Daddy.

Hey. How about that?

How about that?

Can I go over and show Sidney?

Sidney?

Uh, y-you remember. Mrs. Kravitz's nephew.

He's here visiting again. Please?

All right, sweetheart, but come right back.

How does it look?

Well, I-I'm sorry, sweetheart,

but it does take a bit of getting used to.

The great thing about it is it's completely portable.

Women can wear it while doing the housework.

Oh.

You can...

whittle away the pounds as you go.

Hey! You want a good slogan for it?

What?

"Whittle while you work."

"Whittle while you work?"

I think it's cute.

"Whittle while you work?"

Forget it.

Mommy, Mommy.

I'm never gonna play with Sidney again.

Well, what did he do now?

He says there's no such thing as the Good Fairy.

He says it's the parents

who put the money under your pillow.

That isn't true, is it, Daddy?

Well, uh, actually, uh...

Isn't it getting awfully hot in here?

Not for mothers.

Well, no wonder. Heh.

I-I left this on high.

I'd better get out of this contraption.

Is Sidney right?

Do mommies put the money under your pillow?

Come here, sweetheart.

Tabitha, actually, you're both right.

It's all a matter of believing.

If you really believe

and want the Good Fairy to come, she will.

Otherwise, mommies and daddies do her job.

Oh, goody.

That means the Good Fairy is coming here tonight.

Right. Now, you run up

and get ready for your bath.

Okay.

Good night, Daddy. Good night, honey.

Sam.

Do you think it's a good idea

to fill her head with all that nonsense?

What nonsense? About the Good Fairy.

Well, for your information, it is not nonsense.

What?

No, I happen to know the Good Fairy personally.

Her name's Mary.

You mean, she's a witch?

No.

She's a good fairy.

Y-you... You mean, with, uh...?

With wings and a magic wand

and the...? The whole works?

Of course.

You're not putting me on?

Witch's honor.

A simple "I swear" will do.

I swear.

Sam.

Uh, did you just hear something?

Yes. I heard you wake me up.

I must have been dreaming.

As long as I'm up...

I think I'll go downstairs and get myself a glass of milk.

You want anything?

Yes. I wanna go back to sleep.

Now, be quiet, and don't wake up the kids.

Ow!

Shh.

Shh!

Shh.

Sam?

Shh.

Sam.

Now, what is it?

We have... company.

Oh! Oh, Mary.

Oh, Samantha.

Oh, brother.

I knew it was a witch's house, but I had no idea it was yours.

Oh, uh... Uh, ours.

Uh, this is my husband, Darrin.

Oh.

How do you do?

How do you...? Shh.

It's been ages.

Come on downstairs and sit a while.

I would love to.

You know, the cold bothers me more and more.

It seems to get into my bones.

How about a nice cup of tea?

I could certainly use something to warm me up.

I don't know about tea though. Uh, coffee?

Coffee doesn't agree with me.

How about a drop of brandy?

What's brandy?

It's a very good warmer-upper.

Ooh! Well then, that certainly

should agree with me.

Come on. Are you happy, my dear?

Very.

You don't miss the old life?

Well, I-I don't get a chance to.

The old life keeps dropping in here

with amazing regularity.

Oh, how nice.

Here we are.

Thank you. Mm-hm.

What's this called? Brandy?

Yes. How do you like it?

Very much.

Say when.

I hope you don't mind

my popping in on you like this, Samantha.

But I really am so tired.

So I thought I would drop in to a witch's house

and just rest up.

Oh, my goodness gracious. Ha.

I forgot to say when. Oh, well.

This has to keep me warm all night long.

Ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh.

This is nice and warming. Hah.

Uh... Uh, Mary, why don't you let me fix you

a little something to eat?

How about a nice chicken or roast beef sandwich?

I really should be going.

Roast beef?

I-it'll only take a minute.

Oh, well, I'll, uh, just put this back.

Oh, here.

You might as well take the glass too.

It's so good.

Oh, that's Adam.

I'll go up, Sam.

Excuse me.

Here we are.

I really should be leaving.

I just dread going out in that weather.

Although that brandy really did warm me up.

Sam. Adam won't go back to sleep

until Mommy kisses him good night.

Oh, uh, e-excuse me.

Uh, Sam.

How long is she gonna hang around?

Well, I can't ask her to leave.

I can. You be nice.

Okay. Okay.

Well, feeling a little warmer now?

Except for my toes.

Although I... I really don't think

I should have any more of that brandy.

As they say, if you're going to fly, heh,

don't drink.

Hm?

It's a mortal joke.

Oh.

I like mortals.

They're... They're so friendly.

You. You have been very "hospid-ibidle."

Hospidib...

You're a good host.

It's my pleasure.

Far be it for me to spoil your pleasure.

Sure. Here.

Hm.

Hey! There go my toes!

Whee!

Uh, h-how are we doing?

You know, Samantha, you are married

to a beautiful person.

A gorgeous, beautiful person.

I only wish I could get

a gorgeous hunk of mortal

like that for myself.

Uh... Uh, Mary, I think you'd better sit down.

Nope! Just beginning to feel the tips of my toes.

Watch this.

Stand back. Stand back.

Ooh.

Did you ever see me do the White Swan?

Whee!

She's crocked.

Darrin!

The Good Fairy doesn't get crocked.

Hey!

How'd she get so crocked on just two drinks?

Mary, pull yourself together.

I-it's terribly late,

and you said you had a long list of children to visit.

No. Not going out in the cold.

B-but, Mary. Y-you have to.

You're the Good Fairy.

All those children are counting on you.

Now, you can't disappoint them.

Why not? What did they ever do for me?

She doesn't know what she's saying.

Here's a list of the children.

Never forget you for what you're doing.

What do you mean? Doing what?

Oh. Well... Well, you... You...

You don't think I'm gonna do it?

If you don't, kindly tell me who.

Well, well. Th... That does it.

Darrin, I have no choice.

I-I have to substitute for her.

Why?

Well, we're responsible for her condition.

She didn't even know what brandy was.

Someone's gotta make her rounds.

Mary. Uh, Mary, wake up.

No.

Mary, please.

Uh, just so we can make the switch.

Okay.

Beautiful.

Samantha, you look absolutely, eh...

Well? How do I look?

If anyone had ever told me

that someday I'd be married to the Good Fairy,

I'd have punched them right in the mouth.

H-how about a little kiss on the cheek instead?

Well, I guess I'd better give these wings a trial run.

Why do you need the wings? Uh, can't you just?

The Good Fairy is not a witch.

And for the time being, I happen to be the Good Fairy.

She doesn't have the powers to fly.

That's why they gave her wings.

Who gave her wings?

Whoever gives out the wings.

Sorry I asked.

So... as long as I have these wings on me,

witchery is out.

Yeah?

It's almost worth it.

Tsk.

Abner? Abner!

Oh, what is it?

There's a mosquito in Sidney's room.

Well, as long as it doesn't bite Sidney,

it's got nothing to worry about.

Abner.

Abner, wake up.

Oh, what is it now?

Oh! You should see this!

I-it... It's Mrs. Stephens.

She's got this, uh, flimsy little thing on, like...

Like a ballet dancer.

A-and she's got these fake wings in the back, and...

Abner! They're not fake wings!

She's flying!

Gladys, if you wake me up once more,

you'll be flying too.

Oh, Samantha. Oh.

H-how did you do?

Oh, fine.

Except I am exhausted.

Well, now you have some idea

of what I go through.

Did you have any trouble sleeping?

It's the first good night's sleep

I've had in centuries.

Do you have any idea what a relief it is

not to sleep on your wings?

Yeah, I can imagine.

Oh, what a luxury. Huh.

Can't do this with wings either.

Mary, I have to get my family up

and start the day,

so come on, let's change back.

Well, c... Hurry up, Mary.

I have a lot to do.

Um...

Samantha... I've been collecting teeth

and giving out coins for centuries.

I'm sick of it.

If I never see another kid's tooth

for the rest of my life, I'll be delighted.

Uh... Well, what are you saying?

Don't you think I'm entitled to a little vacation?

Well, sure, but I'm...

Well, I'm taking one. At least for a while.

And in the meantime, you're it.

But, well, you... You can't do this.

I-I have responsibilities.

I-I have a husband and children.

Sure. And now that I've unloaded this dumb job,

maybe I'll get a crack at some of the goodies too.

You have no right to do this.

Maybe your husband has a friend?

Mary!

Sam? What?

What? What?

What's all the trouble?

Trouble?

Mm-hm. Oh, no. No... No trouble.

Well, look, Sam, I'd like...

What is she doing?

Scratching her back.

Uh... Uh, look, Sam,

I'd like to get to the office

a little early this morning, so

uh, would you mind, uh, getting out of that rig

and making some breakfast?

Oh, well, i-if you're in a hurry,

I won't take the time to change.

Uh, look, Sam...

if it's all the same to you,

I'd rather you shed those wings right now.

Now?

Y-you mean this minute?

Mommy, Mommy.

Mommy, when did you get to be the Good Fairy?

Very recently.

Wow. Wait till I tell Sidney.

Tab... Tabitha, for the time being,

I think we ought to keep this a family secret.

Gee whiz. Everything good that happens here is a secret.

Oh, well, I'm sorry about that.

You run out on the patio and play. I'll get you breakfast.

Okay.

Okay, Sam.

What is it you're trying not to tell me?

Maybe you'd rather hear it after breakfast.

Uh, if it's bad news, it'll sit better on an empty stomach.

Well, um... Mary is being very obstinate.

She doesn't wanna be the Good Fairy anymore.

B-but you're a witch. Uh, slap a spell on her.

Boil up a potion. Fire a two-broom salute.

Darrin, there is nothing I can do about it.

Sam, this is the most ridiculous thing

that's ever happened to us.

It's preposterous.

Why are you so uptight?

I'm the one that's stuck with these dumb wings.

Furthermore, you are just as much to blame as I am.

Well, Sam, I'm sorry.

I-I didn't mean to yell at you.

But you've got to admit that this...

Don't do that!

I... I beg your pardon?

Those wings are very delicate.

You've got to be gentle with them.

Suppose a man wants to hug you?

What do you do?

Nothing. Now you know why

they call me the Good Fairy.

Terrific.

Sam, what are we going to do?

You can't hide out forever.

Suppose somebody sees those wings.

Well... you've always said that I'm an angel.

Now I'll look the part.

That's something I've always admired in you, Sam:

the way you can smile in the face of...

disaster.

A little chill in the air this morning, isn't there?

It's the Kravitzes. And Sidney.

Sam, quick, you better duck.

And take the Good Fairy with you.

Come on, Mary. Come on.

No. I'm not the Good Fairy anymore.

I'm staying right here to meet the people.

Oh!

Tell them she's my aunt,

and get rid of them as fast as you can.

Hi. Hi, Mr. Stephens.

Can Sidney play with Tabitha?

Sure. Uh, she hasn't had breakfast yet, but...

Oh, that's wonderful.

Sidney, you just got an invitation to breakfast.

What do you say? What are you having?

You'll eat what you get, you little...

Uh, Tabitha's out on the patio.

Oh, ha-ha, I didn't know you had company.

Uh, this is Mrs. Stephens' Aunt Mary.

Mr. and Mrs. Kravitz. How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

Uh, where's Mrs. Stephens?

Or, uh, isn't she back yet?

Uh, back? From where?

Wherever she was going when I saw her last night.

In that funny costume with the wings.

Wings? Uh, did she say "wings"?

Now you know what I have to go through.

And I saw her fly right up in the air.

W-was this late at night? Very late.

Well, then that explains it.

Explains what?

How come you saw what you thought you saw.

Uh, things look very deceptive in the moonlight.

Exactly what I told her.

That's interesting...

because the moon wasn't out last night.

Sure. It took one look at you and went back in.

Listen, if Sidney bugs you,

don't hesitate to get rid of him.

I don't care how you get rid of him,

just don't send him back to us.

Don't worry about it.

Come on.

Sam?

Samantha, this is getting impossible.

I'd finally gotten used to being married to a witch,

but I never promised to love,

honor and obey the Good Fairy.

Now, don't you worry, sweetheart.

I'll have a talk with Mary.

Mary.

Mary?

Mary?

Mary?

Where'd she go?

I don't know. I was busy with the Kravitzes.

Oh-oh. Y-you check the patio,

I'll go upstairs.

Mary?

Tabs, have you seen the Good...?

Have you seen Mary?

Yes, just a few minutes ago.

She said she was gonna take a little walk

to warm up her toes.

What?!

She went out the back gate.

Oh, no.

Mary. Mary?

Your father gets excited a lot, doesn't he?

Only when the Good Fairy is here.

Calm down?

With the Good Fairy wandering around the neighborhood?

And with those cold toes,

it won't be very long

before she gets a loose tongue,

and we'll be on television from coast to coast.

Not to mention pole to pole.

Sweetheart, I'm sorry I can't help you look for her.

You can help by keeping away from the window.

You come in here, and I'll prove it to you.

Boy, your whole family is freaked out.

I think I'd better go home.

I think my Aunt Gladys wants me now.

Uh... Uh... W... Wait a minute, Sidney.

Uh, what do you think of this for a Halloween costume?

You're gonna wear it for Halloween?

Well, I thought I might. What do you think?

I think you're too old to go out on Halloween.

Thanks, Sidney. I needed that.

Don't miss "Mary, the Good Fairy, Strikes Again."

Next week on Bewitched.