All language subtitles for Bewitched S07E10 Samanthas Old Man

Mother, what are
you doing in there?

I want to talk to you.

Is, uh, what's-his-name around?

What's-his-n... Uh,
Darrin is playing golf.

Good.

Ooh!

But he'll be home soon.

Oh, that's bad because
I have an invitation

from your old friend Rollo

to join us at the
Cosmos Cotillion

for the costume ball
to end all costume balls.

Well, it... It sounds
fascinating, Mother,

but I have more
important things to do.

Like what?

Well, I have to
peel the potatoes,

chop the onions,

slice the carrots and
season my leg of lamb.

Ugh.

Samantha, I have
failed you as a mother.

Mother.

I did it. I did it.

Hooray!

Sam, I did it. I...

Oh. Hi.

S-Sam, you'll...
You'll never believe...

You'll never believe this,

but I-I've finally
broken through.

Isn't the expression
"broken out"?

Sam, I finally broke 80.

Oh, sweetheart, that's terrific.

Eighty what?

Oh, n-nothing, Mother.

Oh.

I'll tell you about it
after your mother leaves.

Oh, and Endora, no offense,
but I think you need a shave.

Ooh. Mother, please.

Oh.

Samantha, forgive me,

but when I think of
what you gave up

to marry a man who
spends his Sundays

breaking 80
nothings, I could cry.

Oh, well, save
your tears, Mother.

I am perfectly
happy with Darrin.

That's only because the
creature is still a novelty.

I'll be happy with
him if I live to be 3000.

You can change
your mind many times

in 3000 years, Samantha.

Heaven knows I did.

But what about
30 years from now,

when whatever dubious
charms he has wrinkle up?

Mother, will you do me a favor?

Go to your ball,
give Rollo my best,

and let me see to my dinner.

You'll see more
than to your dinner.

What's that supposed to me...?

M-Mother?

Mother?

Odds plus odds Add up to evens

Let the curse be On
Durwood Stephens

Make the future be the present

And zing it To the
dum-dum peasant

Samantha!

Sweetheart, what is it?

What's the...? Ah!

Well.

Say something.

Oh, Mother.

Is that all you can say?

You look, uh, very handsome.

Uh, for your age.

Oh.

Sam, this is absolutely
and without question

the most abominable,
most atrocious trick

your mother has
ever pulled on me.

Oh, be patient, sweetheart.

I'm trying to get her back.

Brock of owl's eye
Smerge of eel...

Will you stop with the corny
incantations and do something?

Well, there's nothing I
can do. She's the only...

I don't want excuses. I
want the old me back.

I mean the young me.

Darrin, I know how
angry you are with...

My feelings for your
mother go beyond anger.

Now, I mean, anyone who
could do this thing is sick.

I can't believe it.

You know, actually, you
carry your age very well.

Thanks a lot.

At least I still
got my own teeth.

Darrin, will you stop
looking at yourself?

I'm trying.

Now, you have got to
get your mind off yourself.

Let's go to a nice, dark movie.

Well, suppose we meet
somebody in the nice, bright lobby?

How about a drive-in movie?

I guess anything's better
than waiting around here.

But didn't we have a date
to play bridge with the Tates?

I'll get us out of it.

Darrin.

I'm sorry.

There will be a
10-minute intermission

before the start of
the main feature.

The refreshment
stand is now open.

I'll go get us some...

You'll go get us some hot dogs.

Your aunt. Why couldn't
you take her to the movies?

Because these drive-ins
are crawling with mashers.

You should be so lucky.

Funny.

I don't know how I'm gonna
sit through that movie again.

I hated it the first time.

Excuse me. Oh.

Oh.

Hi there.

Hello, Sam.

If you didn't want
to play bridge,

you should've said so.

You didn't have to make up
that story about Darrin being sick.

Oh, but he is.

Well... Well, he was asleep.

Uh, so I just decided to go out.

Well, uh, s-somebody dropped
in from... From out of town.

And as long as
Darrin was asleep...

Well, uh, these hot dogs
are getting cold. Bye.

Well, well, well, well.

She leaves a sick husband

and goes to a
drive-in with somebody

who just dropped
in from out of town.

Darrin, here.

Let's go. Where?

To see who her date is.

You'll never guess
who I ran into.

Oh, I can guess.

Hi there.

Oh, well, uh... H-Hi, again.

Oh, I-I'd like you to meet...

Darrin's grandfather, Grover.

Grover Stephens.

This is Louise and Larry Tate.

Larry is Darrin's boss.

Oh. Howdy, kids.

W-What you staring
at, young fellow?

I thought Darrin
told me you had...

Gone to the great beyond?

Ah, that boy never
gets anything right.

It was my wife.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You know what I'm thinking?

I hope so.

It was a real pleasure
meeting you, sir.

Bye.

See you soon. Bye.

What'd he mean by that?

"Bye" is short for "goodbye."

No, no, no.

What did she mean when she said,

"You know what I'm thinking?"

And what did he mean
when he said, "I hope so"?

Darrin, you're overwrought.
Here. Eat your hot dog.

I have got bad
vibrations about this.

Hello again.

And for a good reason.

Aunt Millicent, heh, I want
you to meet, uh, Samantha

and Grover Stephens,

her husband's grandfather.

Hi, Grover.

Ma'am. Ma'am.

You may call me Millicent.

Samantha, you can
do us a big favor.

Um, Larry and I have
seen this picture before

and... And he's getting
this migraine headache...

Oh, well, then, I don't see
why we just don't all go home.

Uh, because it's not
necessary, Millicent.

I'm sure Sam and
Grover won't mind

if you join them for the movie.

Well, I wouldn't
want to intrude.

It wouldn't be an intrusion.

Would it, Sam?

This is real sweet of you, Sam.

Well, thank you, Grover. Grover.

You can drop Millicent off at
our house on your way home.

You have fun now.

That's it.

Now, you behave
yourself, you two.

Oh.

Bye.

Couldn't you persuade Grover
to come in for just a minute?

We haven't had a chance to
say two words to each other.

Hi, Sam. Hi.

Where's Grover?

He's sitting in the car.

Well, have him come in.

Just for a cup of coffee.

Coffee keeps him awake.

Oh, well, then cocoa.

Cocoa puts him to sleep.

Then tea.

Yes, yes.

Come on in, Grover,
just for a few minutes.

We'll have a cup of tea.

I won't take no for an answer.

How'd you like the
movie, old-timer?

Passable, for a talkie.

I can't believe it.

What are you staring at, sonny?

The way you
straightened that picture.

You know, your grandson, Darrin,

does exactly the same thing

every time he
walks into this room.

Compulsive neatness
runs in the family.

It's scary.

How do you like your tea?

Stop yelling at me.

Cream or lemon?

I'll have my tea with brandy.

With brandy?

Okay, forget the tea.

Just the brandy,
and make it a double.

Make that two, Lawrence.

Sam?

I'm driving.

I like a boy who takes
a nip now and then.

Aunt Millicent.

Well, I do.

A man who has a taste for
brandy has a taste for life.

So you live in Montana, Grover.

What city?

Butte.

Butte?

Well, isn't that a mindblower?

One of my favorite spots
used to be Matthew's.

On Front Street?

Yes, indeedy.

I stopped by there
just last week.

Well, it was torn
down last year.

Uh, uh...

Grandpa loves to
look at excavations.

Samantha, I think we
should make a break for it.

Okay, Grandpa. Up we go.

Now, stop calling him "Grandpa."

You make him sound so old.

I'm aging fast.

Believe me.

That's downer talk, Grover.

You're still a
groovy-looking boy.

Louise, I just had a great idea.

You know my meeting
tomorrow night?

What meeting?

My meeting. My meeting.

The meeting I can't miss.

Oh, that meeting.

Well, I can't miss the meeting.

No point in letting
the tickets go to waste.

Why not give this groovy-looking
boy and this far-out chick

our theater tickets
for tomorrow night?

Well, now, don't
be pushy, Lawrence.

If Grover wants to ask me out,

I guess he can
speak for himself.

It's a great musical, Grover.

Uh, the truth
is... I've seen it.

What do you mean you've seen it?

I haven't even told
you the name of it yet.

What... What Grandpa
means is... Is that they...

They get all the road
companies in Butte.

He's seen them all.

Well, he hasn't seen this one

because tomorrow
is opening night.

How did I let myself
be talked into it?

Look at the bright side
of things, sweetheart.

It's supposed to
be a great musical.

Don't even joke about it, Sam.

I am not going out with
that overaged hippie.

Mother, a-a joke is a joke.

Now, when I snap my fingers,

I want you to appear
front and center.

Is the novelty beginning
to wear off, Samantha?

Mother, where are you?

Is the novelty beginning
to wear off, Samantha?

Mother, you better
materialize this instant.

This is a recording.

Funny.

Well...

Sam, I am coming very close
to the end of my breakfast

and the end of my rope.

Say something.

Something.

Sam.

Just as soon as I get
in touch with Mother,

you're going to hear plenty.

"Soon" in your crowd could
mean a hundred years from now.

I need a face
transplant by lunchtime.

Couldn't you postpone the lunch?

Impossible.

This is my first
meeting with Booker.

He's on his way to Europe

and will only be in town
for a couple of hours.

So if I don't sell him at
lunch, it's goodbye, account.

You are not going to let
Mother get away with this.

You are going to that meeting.

How am I going to that meeting?

Just get in your car and go.

Well, you... You said
this is your first meeting

with Booker, right?

Now, I mean, he's never met you,
and you've never met him. Right?

Right. Then what's the problem?

If he doesn't know
what you look like,

what's the difference
what you look like?

Um, a Mr. Jennings Booker here?

Ah, thank you.

Booker?

Yeah?

I'm Stephens.

Stephens?

W-Why do you say it that way?

It's a good old American name.

You were expecting
me, weren't you?

Heh. Well, not exactly.

I don't know where
I got the impression

that you'd be a younger man.

Yes, I do. From Tate,

who said he was assigning
young Stephens to the account.

He always calls me
"young Stephens."

Because I am young.

In here and in here,
where it counts.

Now, let's see how
the cookie crumbles.

Beau Geste is
a line of toiletries

that appeals to the
18-to 25-year age group.

Now, our motivational
research...

Mr. Stephens? Mm. Yes?

There is a call for you, sir.

Oh, tha... Thank you.

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Booker.

Uh, thank you, sonny.

Hello.

Oh, sweetheart.

I've been so worried.
How's it going?

As well as can be expected.

Has Endora shown up yet?

No, but... But I'm tossing
incantations all over the place.

Well, keep at it.

I'd better get
back to the table.

My board meeting
ended early, Mr. Booker.

And I thought
I'd join you fellas

and see if I could help out.

On second thought,
I'd better not.

What is it?

Larry has just walked
into the restaurant,

and he's talking to Booker.

Sam, what am I gonna do?

You'll think of something.

I'm thinking of
cutting my wrists.

Darrin, don't panic.

Sam, I've gotta make a move.

You have an idea?

Now, don't
misunderstand me, Tate.

I admire you for keeping
your employees on

beyond the age of retirement.

I'm not sure I follow you.

Mm-hm.

I'll do it.

Now, hold on. Are...?
Are we talking about

the same Darrin Stephens? Yes.

Age 70, bald head, mustache,

slightly hunched over.

That is not, I repeat,
not Darrin Stephens.

Then who is it?

I haven't the vaguest idea.

But I'm going to find out.

There he is. That's him.

Hi, kids.

That's him?

That's Grover Stephens,
Darrin's grandfather.

That's me.

Now, look, old-timer, I've been
brought up to respect old age,

and it isn't really
very nice of you

to pass yourself off as Darrin.

Now, what's everybody
getting so het up about?

Darrin got up this morning
with an infected throat

that... That could
destroy the city.

What could the kid do?

He could've called the office.

Whatever for when I'm available?

Mr. Booker, I must apologize...

We forgive you,
Lawrence, so just hush up.

Let's get cracking.

The kid filled me in
as much as he could.

Now, let's put
this in the gas tank

and see how far it takes us.

What I had in mind was

a saturation
campaign for television.

Uh, fade in.

Interior, bathroom.

A nice-looking boy with
glasses, the shy type,

uh, has just finished shaving.

For the first time
in his life, he...

He picks up a
bottle of Beau Geste

and dabs a little on his face.

And boom!

The bathroom becomes the Sahara.

The boy turns into a member
of the French Foreign Legion.

He's right in the
middle of a battle.

But here's the switch:

He's fighting off girls.

Not bad for an old geezer, huh?

You son of a gun.

And when I finished
my presentation,

Beau Geste was
in my back pocket.

That's my old man.

I bet Larry was thrilled.

He offered to make
me Darrin's supervisor.

You hear that, Mother?

No matter what you do,
things seem to work out.

So why don't you
undo your thing?

That stubborn old
witch will never...

Uh, Da...

Darrin, name-calling
is not going to help.

Now, I know that Mother
can behave badly at times,

but deep down,
she's... She's... Rotten.

If you don't mind,
call Larry and tell him

the date with Millicent is off.

Grandpa has been called
home on an emergency.

Oh, sweetheart, that
would break Millicent's heart.

She'll get over me.

Hi, Sam. Well, what a surprise.

Thought we'd save Grover a
trip and bring Millicent over here.

We came early so I'd
have a chance to tell Darrin

what a great job his
grandfather did this afternoon.

Well, you c... You
can't. He's sound asleep.

Oh, how's he feeling?

Well, he's feeling better,
but he doesn't look so good.

Oh, well, he'll be all right.

Grover, you were
great this afternoon.

Absolutely brilliant.

Darrin briefed me.

Oh, I'm so proud of you, Grover.

Ah, you may be proud,
Millicent, but I'm bushed.

I'm afraid I just can't
make our date tonight.

Oh, Grover. Oh.

Oh... Oh, well, I-I'm
sure you understand.

It's... It's all that
business activity.

Uh... Uh, Grandpa
just wants to relax

in front of the television set.

Oh, well, I'm sure Aunt
Millicent doesn't care

one way or the other, as
long as they're together.

I guess you'd like a drink.

I'll go get some
more ice. Excuse me.

Will someone answer
the door, please?

I'll get it.

Yes?

Is that the way you
folks out here say hello?

Hi there.

Hello. Hi.

What's the matter, Grover?
Cat got your tongue?

Uh, h-hello there.

Forgot my name so soon?

Well, you can't really
blame him, dearie.

We've only been
married 53 years.

Married?

Married? Married?

You can't say it too often.

He needs reminding.

Married?

Okay, hot lips, I'm giving
you one more chance.

And if I catch you
messing around again,

I'm going home to Mother.

All I was gonna do was
watch wrestling with her.

You poor kid.

He was pulling the old
wrestling bit on you, hm?

And what is that
supposed to mean?

First, you watch wrestling

and then he challenges you
to a little match on the sofa.

Why... Louise, take me home.

Oh! You degenerate.

A man your age,
carrying on like that.

And congratulations.

Sam, i-is that
really you in there?

You bet your
old-age pension it is.

Sam.

Okay, hot lips.

But I'm giving you
one more chance.

And if I catch you
messing around again,

I'm going home to Mother.

Sweetheart,

no matter how
atrocious and abominable

my mother might behave,

she always comes to her senses.

Eventually.

Usually.

That's not what
I'm worried about.

It isn't?

No.

Being turned into
Rip Van Wrinkle

for a couple of days

to satisfy your mother's
warped sense of humor

isn't half as bad as wondering
what's gonna happen

when I really do grow old.

I mean, well, what's
it gonna look like?

This old goat with
that young chick.

Simple. We'll grow old together.

But witches don't grow
old at the same pace as...

Witches can do
anything they want to do.

And I love you.

So this young chick
and that old goat

will look like a matched set.

How about a little preview?

How's that?

I can't tell.

Pucker up.

You're an oldie but a goody.

And as far as I'm concerned,

you're still the sexiest
thing that ever lived.

I can't stand it!

Mother.

Oh, it's ridiculous
having a daughter

who looks twice my age.

Now, you change
yourself at once.

No.

I am gonna stay this way

as long as Darrin
stays that way.

Stubborn.

Okay, Mother?

Okay.

One, two...

Witch's honor?

Witch's honor.

One, two, three.

Thank you, Mother, dear.

Now, as for you,
Endora... Please, Darwood.

Excessive gratitude
always embarrasses me.

Now, uh, where were we?