Original subtitles

You naughty little eavesdropping witch! Shh!

What are you doing? I'm trying to find out if we're going to Mexico City.

This mortal life has addled your brain, Samantha.

Darrin's advertising campaign...

may introduce a new soft drink, Bueno, to the American public.

It's a multimillion-dollar project.

I think it's a multimillion-dollar bore.

You would.

There's a chance you'll be able to babysit with Tabitha for a couple of days.

A chance?

If Senor Aragon likes Darrin's presentation, we are going to Mexico City.

That's not a chance.

That's practically a guarantee that you won't be going to Mexico City.

Mother, just be available.

Just whistle.

Good.

Your husband has some excellent ideas that Señor Garcia will be very pleased with.

Ah. Yes, it's great stuff, Darrin.

This is a marvelous job.

I'll be very proud to present this to Senor Garcia tomorrow.

You? I thought I was going to make the presentation.

You'll undoubtedly be going down there later, anyhow,

but I feel this should be a summit meeting.

Presidente to presidente.

Well, we'd better be running along.

We've got to catch a 5:00 plane. Excuse me.

Send us an enchilada or something.

Señora Stephens, Señor Stephens. Senor.

Thank you for your very gracious hospitality. You're welcome.

Well, uh, so long.

Well, there goes our trip to Mexico City.

Honey, those things happen in business. Why should I feel bad?

Who cares if I did all the work, and Larry wants to be a glory grabber?

Who cares about Mexico City anyway?

We do. That's who. Right!

Hi, sweetheart. How was your golf game?

Miserable. Oh.

I won all the money, and I hated every minute of it. Poor darling.

You teed off at 10:00, and you're still teed off.

Sorry.

Um, let's go out on the patio. You can have a sandwich and some cold beer.

If this were Bueno, I'd choke. Yes, I-I know.

Sam? Hmm?

Do you realize that Larry Tate, the ugly American,

is in Mexico City for three glorious days that belong to us?

In fact, right this moment...

he's having lunch with Raul Garcia and Carlos Aragon.

And he's pitching my presentation!

Hmm. Sweetheart, I-I have a few things to do,

so you, uh, read the funnies and do the crossword puzzle.

Enjoy yourself.

I like it. It is the work of a talented man. Thank you.

Carlos tells me that you have another man who is very imaginative.

- Señor Stephens. - Yes. Bright boy.

I've brought him along carefully.

And under my guidance, uh,

in a couple of years, he may develop some of my judgment and creativeness...

and, uh, insincerity.

- I meant sincerity, of course. - Of course.

In any case, I'll handle the Bueno account personally.

Even though I don't like the stuff.

- Who said that? - You said it.

And why don't you like it?

I do. I do like it. I-I drink it all the time!

I-I don't know how I happened to say that.

Just a-a slip of the tongue.

- A very long slip. - No, really, I love it!

And I-I love Mexico. It has so much to offer us... for a backward country.

What am I saying?

I assure you, Mr. Tate,

that at least we are not backward in the social graces.

I know. I know. Let me apologize.

Believe me, I admire the Mexican people.

So strong, so artistic, so sleepy.

I didn't mean it.

I don't know why I'm saying these things.

Perhaps you are tired!

Yes, v-very tired.

I am impressed by your presentation, but I have made up my mind that...

That I haven't made up my mind yet.

I will look this over again.

I don't understand why I am reconsidering it,

but we shall meet again for lunch tomorrow.

Now, if you will excuse me. Yes, of course.

I honestly don't know what happened to me.

As you Americanos might say, I'm afraid that you have walked the bases full.

And it is time to bring in a relief pitcher.

Perhaps someone more simpático, as we say.

Perhaps, uh, Señor Stephens.

Yes. Yes.

I'll get him here immediately.

- And does he speak Spanish? - Oh, fluently.

It would help a great deal if he could say a few words in Spanish...

to Señor Garcia's directors and associates.

Oh, he'll do it gladly.

He's quite a linguist.

How's the Spanish coming?

This is called So You Want to Speak Spanish Fluently in Five Minutes.

My fluency is hours overdue.

Oh. Well, maybe it'll come on strong in the stretch.

And where's your mother? She's late!

Anything to make it inconvenient for me. She'll be...

My mother, the beach bunny.

Look what I won in the surfing competition. I'm a champion hotdogger.

Well, that's fine, Mother, but...

They'd never seen anybody hang 21 before.

Ten toes, ten fingers, and my nose right over the front of the board.

Oh. Hello, my little darling.

Hello, Grandmama.

Enough of the pleasantries.

Let's just say good-bye to the old lady of the sea.

Darrin.

What did she say?

She said she hopes we have a good time.

Oh. With her babysitting, and my having to give a speech in Spanish,

I'm beginning to doubt it.

Having trouble with Spanish? I'll give you a little zap.

No, no. No zapping. I'll learn it my own way. Oh, I doubt that.

Mother!

What? Good-bye again, sweetheart.

Now, listen. You take good care of Grandmama, okay?

There.

And now, I have something for Durwood.

Higgledy-piggledy chestnut tree.

No one now will ever see how embarrassed you will be.

When you speak the fluent Spanish,

all your fears will merely vanish!

Okay, now l-let's try this greeting.

Close your eyes and repeat after me.

Mucho gusto en conocerle, Señor Garcia.

Mucho gusto en conocerle, Señor Garcia.

Yeah, well, that was ex...

Darrin. Darrin, don't look now.

But, if you do look, you won't be able to see yourself.

Where'd I go?

What happened? I'm back again.

Ruthie, is there a man in C-8 talking to a cute blonde? Yes.

Your Spanish was perfect, but when you spoke it, you disappeared.

This is one of your mother's delightful pranks.

Why?

I think I've picked up a virus or something.

Say something else in Spanish.

El gusto... es mío.

Maybe I accidentally switched contact lenses with my roommate.

I disappeared again.

Mother's up to something. When is your mother going to butt out of our lives?

Well? Never mind. I know. Never!

N-Now, dear, don't worry. I'll go back and find out what's going on.

Oh! Hello, darling.

If you're popping in because you're so concerned about Tabitha, just relax.

She's having a nap.

I am not concerned about Tabitha. I am concerned about Darrin.

Mother, what have you done to him?

I didn't do anything to him.

Nature did it.

Every time he speaks a word of Spanish, he disappears.

Oh?

Oh, how amusing.

Mother, it isn't funny.

What have you done?

Well, the old lady of the sea just tried to help the poor, frightened soul.

I merely cast a spell to remove his fear when he spoke Spanish.

Well, since it removed him, the poor boy must be all fear.

Oh, it's priceless. Oh! Hmm.

Mother, you take off that spell.

Well, you tell Durwood...

the old lady of the sea will take off the spell...

after he's learned his lesson.

And in the meantime?

In the meantime,

I'd advise him not to speak any Spanish.

Mother,

you make a mockery of the word "mother."

It was Mother, all right. It figures.

Ruthie, is that cute blonde still in her seat?

Yes, she's there.

Now, don't be upset, sweetheart. You don't have to speak Spanish.

Least, not for a while.

I thought so.

There's one very important word I've got to say. It's the name of the product!

Bueno! Oops.

"Jadies" and "Lentleman," we are now approaching "Cexico Mity."

Mucho gusto en conocerle, Señor Garcia.

Go ahead, Darrin. Dazzle him with a little español.

Mm-mmm. Why do you think I brought you down here?

Probably because you blew the first meeting with him.

We'll have lunch at a charming restaurant

that overlooks the lake at Chapultepec Park.

It's one of my favorite places. I'm sure you'll like it too.

Maybe we should stop at our hotel first. Check in, and so forth.

I will see that your baggage gets to the hotel while you're at lunch.

My car is this way.

And I think, properly handled, we could find a

large market for your... product in the States.

There is one thing that puzzles me, Mr. Stephens.

You always call my wonderful drink "the product," "the drink," et cetera.

You never say Bueno. Say it for me.

Uh, well, um... For heaven's sakes, Darrin.

Um, maybe I shouldn't tell you this, but, um,

he's kind of superstitious about saying the name of a product...

before he has the account.

Now, that is silly.

Bueno simply means... good.

Say it for me, please.

Well, you see, I've been thinking.

Uh, that word doesn't mean anything to most Americans.

I think it should be, uh, renamed for the American market. What?

Oh, this altitude gets to you.

R-Remember how it was with me?

What name did you have in mind?

Something with, um, sparkle, lightness, gaiety.

That has... zap.

That's exactly what I had in mind. A zap!

Lively, bubbly. You could say, "Get some Zap in your life."

What do you think about that?

Well, I think...

I think I ought to think it over.

And, now, let me show you one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Well, that's very kind of you, but...

No, no, Señor Garcia. We'd be imposing.

Besides, you'll need a little time by yourself to think about Zap.

You're right.

I even have to think over why I said I'd think it over.

Well, while you're doing that,

I'll escort Sam and Darrin to their hotel.

Arrivederci.

And when you refused to speak Spanish, you made me look like a fool!

What's new about that? I told you I only had a little Spanish!

Don't cloud the issue with facts! Come on, fellas.

Yes, and where did this idea for Zap come from, hmm?

Uh... Well, Larry, I hate to tell you this...

It, uh, was like a sneeze. She couldn't hold it back.

Well, okay. But you'd better be good tonight.

Samantha, I'm getting desperate.

Y-You relax, sweetheart. I'll pop home and see what I can do.

Mmm!

Pierre, I think we'll start with pâté de foie gras and truffles à la Monique.

- Mother! - Yes.

What's going on here?

Oh, uh, uh, nothing. We're just having a little dinner.

A little dinner?

With this diet, Tabitha will have the gout by the time she's five.

Hi, sweetheart. Samantha.

This child is just skin and bones. She is not!

Now you get rid of all this stuff.

Very well.

Thank you.

And take the spell off Darrin right now.

Oh, I'm sorry, darling. I forgot all about Durwood.

I'll go to work and reverse the spell.

- Thank you. - You're very welcome.

Sweetheart, Daddy and I will be back on Tuesday.

And I'm sure there'll be no reason for me to pop back before that.

No reason at all.

Now, all right, Tabitha.

Tabitha, come on and eat your dinner, dull as it is.

Sam, Larry and Garcia will be here in a moment, and the spell is still on!

Honey, Mother promised she would get rid of it by using a reverse-the-spell spell.

Reverse-the-spell spell? Th-This is ridiculous.

Well, try it again. Say something in Spanish.

Buenas noches señoras y señores.

Hallelujah! I'm saved!

Oh! She reversed the spell, all right.

Oh, well, n-now, sweetheart, um, try and look at the bright side.

I-I mean, you have to make your speech in Spanish anyway,

so j-just don't speak any English and stick to Spanish.

Buenos noches, señoras...

Oh.

I-I'm sure Mother meant well. Mmm!

W-Well, I'm sure that this time, it was just a... just an honest mistake.

Sweetheart, I'll pop back home and see what...

Oh, boy. Excuse me. I have to change.

Good evening, Sam. Darrin. Buenos noches. Cómo le va?

Oh, fine, fine, Mr. Stephens. You were quite right about changing the name to Zap.

It was a brilliant and logical solution.

How long would it take to work out a presentation on Zap?

A week, more or less.

Isn't this a bit silly? My speaking English to you, and you speaking Spanish to me?

You're embarrassing your host.

Oh, he just wants to be totally immersed in Spanish. Sí.

Well, of course. But some friends of mine from the States...

who are interested in securing the North American franchises will be at the banquet.

Although they understand Spanish, uh, still try to put in enough English,

so they won't feel left out.

All right?

Won't-Won't that make it a little difficult for the, uh, Mexican group?

Oh, not at all. My associates are quite comfortable with your language.

Oh. Sí.

Well, let us be on our way. Senor.

Oh, boy. Darrin!

Sí.

Darrin. Mmm?

Now, you have nothing to worry about.

Just give all your speech in Spanish and do exactly what I tell you, huh?

Mm-hmm. Now, start the speech by addressing the Mexican group.

Then, when you turn to talk to the American group,

I'll toss in a little translation spell.

That way, they'll hear you in English.

Then, when you turn back to the Mexican group,

I'll zap them, and they'll hear you in Spanish.

It'll never work!

Sí.

Just keep turning back and forth like a lighthouse.

Y el Señor Garcia?

Well, like everyone else, he'll hear part in English and part in Spanish.

¿Y mí compañero, Larry?

Considering the way he's acted, he'll hear the whole thing in Spanish.

Serve him right. Bueno.

What's going on? ¿Quién sabe?

Do you know you're driving me right out of my skull?

Sí.

And now, my friends,

my Norte American friends and my fellow Mexican countrymen,

Mr. Darrin Stephens will now say a few brief words to us...

in Spanish and in English.

Buenas noches, señora e señores.

I'm happy to be here with you, but please forgive...

I know you all have great respect for the name...

to give it an enviable place in the hearts and the stomachs of his countrymen.

Uh, please excuse Stephens. He's blown his mind.

I think the way he switches back and forth from English to Spanish is wonderful.

To the American market with an American name.

To assure you a great success.

Wonderful. Remarkable.

I didn't hear any English at all.

That's because you did not pay attention. You must be very tired again.

Oh, I must be.

My friends, I think we can safely entrust our future...

in the hands of Mr. Stephens of McMann and Tate.

Do you agree?

Say something in English.

No, no, no. I have a hunch. Uh, say, uh, "I apologize."

I apologize.

Why didn't I think of that before?

What? That's all Mother wanted was an apology.

Well, why didn't she say so?

Well, you know Mother. Yeah, I know your mother.

She's every inch... a mother-in-law.

Oh, Darrin, y-you had me worried there for a while.

I don't know. I guess I couldn't understand what was going on.

But they seemed to like it.