Original subtitles

All right, sweetheart, here, here, here.

Now you take those upstairs, and then we'll leave, okay?

Okay, Mommy. Careful.

Ooh.

Heavy, aren't I?

Uncle Arthur, you get out of there.

Hi, Sammy.

I just flipped my lid.

Oh, Cousin Henry.

You're not being very original stealing Uncle Arthur's jokes.

Well, I'll have you know I taught him everything he knows.

Where is Uncle Arthur?

Oh, he's at the Cannes Film Festival,

picketing Rosemary's Baby.

Uh... Why don't you pop out of that box and say hello?

Hello, Sammy. You look great. Mm, thank you.

Oh, and there's the little dreamboat.

Hi. Hi, Cousin Henry. What did you bring me?

Oh, Tabitha, really. What did I bring you, hmm?

Go and look behind the couch. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I already have a jack-in-the-box.

Not like this one. Open it.

♪♪

Hi, Tabitha.

Hi, Jack.

When Cousin Henry brings something, he brings the real thing.

Well, the real thing will have to go.

But I want to play with Jack.

We'll discuss that later. Send him home.

Boy, is she a nudge.

Henry! All right, all right.

Good-bye, Jack.

I wish you'd let me know you were coming, Cousin Henry.

I didn't have time. It was a sudden case of heartburn.

My heart had a burning desire to pay a family visit.

It's in me, the heart.

I'm afraid we haven't much time. Tabitha and I are going shopping.

Where? Hinkley's Department Store.

Well, I'll go with you. What for?

Well, I have nothing to do, so I might as well do nothing.

You'd be bored silly.

Oh, don't worry about me. I'll find something to do.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Tabitha, would you like me to go shopping with you and Mommy?

Whatever Mommy says.

There, you see? Your own daughter insists.

Good morning, Samantha. Good morning, Mother.

Good morning, little Tabitha.

Good morning, Grandmama.

Well, well, well, the clown prince of the cosmos.

Where's King Arthur?

Endora, when I think of you as a blood relative,

I long for a transfusion.

All right, you two.

Do you mind if Tabitha and I go shopping while you quibble?

Shopping? Whatever for? Tabitha needs some new dresses.

But you don't have to shop for them. I like to shop for them.

Come on, Sammy, let's go. Why are you going?

Sammy wants my opinion. When did I say that?

If you want his opinion, then you certainly want mine.

Mother, to tell you the truth, I don't exactly want...

Then it's settled. We'll all go shopping together.

Oh! I give up. Let's go.

This has gotta be kicks.

Yeah, I'll bet.

I've seen better interior decorating in a butcher shop.

I think it's very nice. Not by my standards.

My idea of a nice store is Mars Fifth Avenue.

Or, uh, Spell Casters. Or Cosmos Costumes. Or...

Or how about getting on with our shopping? Yeah.

This isn't too dreadful.

It's only $14.95.

Put it back. At the rate Tabitha's growing, it's too expensive.

Hello there, folks. My name is Joseph Hinkley, Jr.

- Oh, are you the owner? - Not yet.

I'm the owner's son. Do you work here?

Well, yes, ma'am. As a matter of fact, today's my first day on the job.

Oh, well... I just got out of college,

where I'm majoring in business administration,

to prepare me to carry on my family's tradition,

to the utmost of whatever potential ability I possess.

All she asked was do you work here?

Oh, yes, ma'am, I do. May I help you?

Uh, yes, yes. We were looking for some dresses for my daughter.

Oh, and a... and a beautiful little girl she is too.

Did you see anything that you like?

Yes. Yes, I like this one. Oh, that's 14.95.

Wow. Exactly.

How'd you like to reduce it to 3.50?

Oh, gee, I'd really like to, but...

How about 4.99, including tax?

No, no, I'm afraid our prices are very firm.

That's one of the numerous things my father's very strict about.

Oh, this is sweet. Do you like this, darling?

Yes, Mommy, it's nice.

I believe that's a genuine domestic cotton.

And only five dollars. We'll take it.

Oh, may I show you something else? How about this?

White polka dots on a sea of midnight blue.

Oh, midnight blue. Yes, that's lovely. Do you like that too, sweetheart?

All right, we'll take both.

Boy, my initial sale, and it's a doubleheader too.

Let's call the photographers.

Will this be charge or cash, ma'am? Charge, please.

Uh, cl-cl-clerk?

Would you, uh... Would you see Mrs. Stephens...

over to the charge counter please and have those wrapped?

Of course. Right this way. Thank you.

Behave yourself. You too. Sure. Sure.

How about you, sir? We have some exceptional values in our men's department.

- No, thank you. He doesn't need anything. - He does too.

Oh, that's sensational. I'll escort you personally. What do you need?

I need to have some fun. At whose expense?

Guess.

This is the biggest bargain in our store.

It's reduced from $85 to 47.50.

Uh, what do you call it?

I call it a sports jacket.

I mean, what do you call the material? Oh, it's a worsted.

Well, I don't want your worsted, I want your "bested."

That's funny, sir.

Will this be cash or charge?

Oh, not so fast. This fabric is atrocious.

It looks like it could come apart in your hands.

That's unbelievable.

I guess that's why Dad's willing to let it go for 47.50.

But I don't give up easily. I'll show you something else.

Was that a good one, or was that a good one?

That was a good one. Kindly restore the jacket.

This is our double-breasted blazer with the deep side vents. See?

It's in a sparkling burgundy red.

I'm not interested. Well... Just try it on.

I said I'm not interested.

Uh, sir, with all due respect, it's not fair to a garment...

to just dismiss it without even trying it on.

- Mr. Hinkley. - Yes, ma'am.

My nephew has a quick temper.

Don't push.

For your own good, don't push.

Yes.

Here, Tabitha. You sit down here.

You wait and be a good girl. We'll be going home in a minute. All right?

Look, I'm gonna level with you.

See, my father doesn't have much faith in me.

And I thought if I could show him that I made two sales in two different depart...

Henry, what are you up to?

Nothing. He's up to something.

He's trying to ram this sale down my throat.

And I don't like anything rammed down my throat.

Unless, of course, it's a ram doing the ramming.

Oh, my stars!

Boy, Gabe, you really uncorked one this time.

I meant a four-legged ram, not an L.A. Ram. Which one are you?

I'm, uh, uh... I'm Jack Snow.

Any relation to Jack Frost?

Where, uh... Where am I?

You're in Hinkley's Department Store.

Patterson, New York.

New York?

We were playing the Dallas Cowboys in Dallas, Texas.

I was running a down-and-out pattern.

I've heard of the long bomb, but, boy, this is ridiculous.

Send him back, Henry.

- Eh, get my jacket, please. - Oh, no, no, no.

Because after you see this one, you're gonna fall in love with it.

I... Just try it on.

Mother, what's going on here? I don't know, but it's beginning to get interesting.

Is there something you're not telling me?

Okay, gang, come on, let's go.

Well, at last, while the going's good.

Mr. Hinkley... Good grief!

Henry, this is really a good one.

Coming from you, that means a great deal.

Help! Help!

- Who's there? - Albee.

- Albee who? - ♪ Albee seeing you... ♪

Oh, shh! Henry!

Really, now be quiet.

You too, Mr. Hinkley. Now don't panic. We'll get you out of there.

Release him, Henry.

No, I refuse.

- Why? - Because he started it.

Henry, I demand that you reverse that spell.

So do I.

- So do I. - You stay out of this.

Henry, my patience is wearing thin.

Now either you release him, or I-I'll...

Threats. Am I getting threats from my own cousin?

Oh, you're insufferable.

Threats and insults. Well, that does it.

I can take a hint when I'm not appreciated.

Wait! Oh, Henry, come back!

Call a doctor!

Mr. Hinkley, this is not a medical problem. Mother, can you release him?

No.

Neither can I.

I'll go ask Henry to come back.

He'll undoubtedly giggle at me, but I'll ask him.

Mother, wait a minute.

Now, why don't you take Tabitha home first? Tabitha, sweetheart.

This is the kind of thing that she should not be in on.

Now, see if you can get Aunt Hagatha to babysit, then go and find Henry.

And, uh, I'll cover here. Now, Tabitha.

Grandmama is going to take you home the fast way.

Now, I know I don't usually approve of that kind of thing, but this is an emergency.

Aunt Hagatha is going to babysit, and I want... Is this going to take long?

Well, I'll explain later. All right? Here, bye-bye.

Come, Tabitha.

Uh, weren't there three of you? Were there?

Uh, well, may I help you with anything else?

Oh, no. No, thank you. I was just browsing.

Get me outta here!

- Who said that? - Who said what?

Have you seen my son? Uh, no, Mr. Hinkley, I haven't.

How do you like that? His first day on the job, and already he's goofing off.

Well, if you see him, tell him to report to me.

I keep telling his mother that kid is a dummy.

Dad, I'm in here! Shh!

I told you no talking. You're sup...

Pardon me, madam. Were you just talking to this mannequin?

Yes. Hinkley's mannequins are so realistic,

I-I thought he was a real person.

Mr. Hinkley, I know that you'd like to be out of there,

so, uh, if you'll just bear with me for a minute,

I think I can remedy the situation.

I-I'm, uh, rehearsing a speech?

I'll be back in a minute.

You wait right here, okay?

What choice do I have? Shh.

Mother. Mother!

What?

Did you get Aunt Hagatha to babysit, and did you find Cousin Henry?

Yes and no.

Yes, you got Aunt Hagatha and no, you didn't find Cousin Henry.

Very good. He must be hiding.

We got an order to pick up all your dummies.

There's gonna be a new display set up. Go right ahead.

Right. Get those two. Okay.

Stop! Hold it!

What's your trouble? Nothing.

Why did you say, "Stop! Hold it!"?

I didn't. I thought you said it.

Sure, Harry. Put me on.

Only I know why you're doing it.

I didn't do anything.

You're jealous because I made the employees' bowling team and you didn't.

Sheesh.

Cousin Henry, come back here.

Shall I keep looking? Oh, please.

Maybe he went to Switzerland for the annual cheese-tasting festival.

Whoo! I thought I heard females.

Madam, are you aware that this is a men's fitting room?

It is?

Well, I-I must have gotten lost. I was looking for an exit.

Where's your friend? What friend?

The exit has a sign over it reading "Exit."

Oh, thank you.

Mr. Hinkley.

Mr. Hinkley?

Mr... Oh, pardon me, sir.

Could you tell me what happened to the dummy that was standing right here?

Um, what dummy?

The mannequin that was... that was...

I couldn't resist that little bit of humor.

Uh, they took it away.

- Where? - Well, I don't know.

Probably to the basement. Why do you ask?

Because I admired the, uh, suit it was wearing.

Perhaps I can find it for you on the rack.

Oh, never mind. I didn't admire it that much.

What are you doing on the moon, Henry?

I'm moonlighting.

You get it? Moon, light... moonlighting.

I get it. I get it.

Samantha wants you back on Earth. Well, I'm not going.

Oh, Henry, please. I refuse. I'm sulking.

And now I think I'll do it in a sulky.

Giddyap!

Okay, first we undress them, then we take off their heads.

No, don't do it! What do you mean, don't do it?

I didn't say a word. Well, who did?

I don't know. Beats me. Maybe one of the dummies. Ha ha, Harry.

Ha ha. Ha ha.

It's possible. You might be a ventriloquist.

If I was a ventriloquist, I wouldn't be working here. I'd be in show business.

Unless you became a professional bowler.

Ah, it's all coming out, isn't it, Harry?

All the hatred you've been holding in that subconscious brain of yours.

Look, is it my fault if I'm a good bowler and you're a lousy one?

I am not lousy. I'm mediocre.

Look, Harry. A sport like bowling,

it's only a game.

Don't let it ruin our friendship.

Don't touch me!

Now, why would I touch you? I didn't say that. You did.

You're trying to shake me up on purpose because you're afraid.

Of... Of what?

That my bowling will improve.

Excuse me.

Lady, this room is for employees only.

Oh, thank goodness I found him.

Him. Who him? This mannequin.

I saw him upstairs in the men's department,

and I was wondering if he was for sale. No.

Hey, lady, out of curiosity, what do you want him for?

Well, um, I make all of my husband's suits.

And he's just the right size, so I thought I could use him as a model.

No kidding. You make all of your husband's suits?

My wife won't even knit me a sweater.

- Aw. - Sorry, lady.

We'd like to help, but it's against the rules.

Oh, well, uh, thanks anyway.

Yeah.

Hey, Fred, you really think that's why she wanted the mannequin,

to make her husband's suits?

Takes all kinds, Harry.

Hey, you know, it's time for lunch. Right.

I'll get some cold drinks out of the machine. Okay.

No question about it. Gotta get that checkup.

Thank you.

Okay, Harry, where'd you put the mannequin?

The one the lady wanted. It's right there, Fred.

You never know when to quit, do you, Harry?

Okay, Fred, where'd you hide the mannequin?

I didn't hide the mannequin. You hid the mannequin.

I didn't hide the mannequin, Fred.

Okay, Harry, I've had it.

Put 'em up!

Mother. Mother?

I found Cousin Henry. Wonderful.

Then I lost him. Terrible.

If only one of us had seen the kind of spell he used.

I saw.

You did? Well, why didn't you tell us?

You didn't ask me. Oh.

Tabitha, now think carefully.

What did Cousin Henry do?

I think he went like this.

Ah, the transcendental triple.

Do you wanna take a crack at it or shall I? Oh, no, go ahead.

Be my guest. My anti-transcendental triple is a little rusty.

Where am I? You're with friends.

And as a friend, I hate to do this so soon.

Why did you do that?

So I can take him back where he belongs without his knowing about it.

Will you stay with Tabitha? Oh, certainly. Of course.

You won't remember anything bad, and you'll follow my lead when I talk to your dad.

Your incantations are getting a little rusty too, darling.

Mother, at a time like this, you can't have Shakespeare.

Grandmama? What, darling?

When will we have our lunch?

As soon as we finish recuperating from our morning.

Oh, there you are. Your father's been looking for you.

You're darn right I have. Where have you been? Well, I-I...

He's been helping me. Where?

Oh, all over the store.

After my mother took my daughter home, your son and I went on a shopping spree.

You mean my son sold you all that?

Yes, sir.

Then why didn't I see you do it?

Uh, because... because, um... Why didn't he?

Because we moved so fast, he couldn't keep up with us.

- Right. - Mr. Hinkley, your son is a very dynamic salesman.

He is? And he's such a pleasure to do business with...

that I have decided from now on to make

Hinkley's the family store for my entire family.

That's our slogan. I know.

I invented it.

Mr. Hinkley, in this day of the generation gap,

you are very lucky to have a son so dedicated to carrying on your tradition.

And it's only my first day on the job.

Son, I am proud of you. And your mother will be proud too.

As soon as she gets over the shock.

Well, I'd better be going. Thank you very, very much.

It's been my pleasure.

Joey. Yes, Dad.

Take the customer's packages out to her car.

Oh. Oh! Well, nobody's perfect.

Thank you.

Um... Here, Mr. Hinkley, let me help.