All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E27 Daddy Does His Thing

Oh, honey. Oh, gosh.

Oh, that's just great.
Thank you, sweetheart.

Now, open the champagne.
I have one more surprise.

I don't know if I can
stand any more surprises.

Well, this is a
special surprise.

Something for both of us.

Sounds intriguing.
Give me a hint.

♪♪

That's a hint? What'd you
give me, the Eiffel Tower?

♪♪

Daddy!

I should've known.

Oh, well, sweetheart,
I had no idea. Oh!

What a wonderful surprise.

To her, he's a
wonderful surprise.

To me, he's a demolition ball.

Samantha, my child,
let me look at you.

Mmm, magnificent as always.

And why not? After all,
I'm your daughter. Precisely.

Excuse me, but I believe
your car is parked on my rug.

Oh, does that distress you?

No trouble. Macbeth, later.

Samantha, as I recall, we were
discussing something rather fascinating.

What was it? You.

Ah! Yes, of course.

It seems there's
a hole in my wall.

- Does that distress you too?
- Not aesthetically,
but I'm freezing.

Of course. How thoughtless
of me. Close, sesame!

If I seem to be more
affable than usual, Dolphin...

Darrin.

It's only because you
happen to be standing...

in the fallout of my
love for my daughter.

Of course. How are you, sir?

Blooming, blooming,
in magnificent health.

He wouldn't have
it any other way.

Certainly not.

- Happy birthday, my boy.
- "My boy"?

Well, isn't that the proper way
to address one's son-in-law?

Well, it is sort of a shock.

I admit that I merely tolerated
this marriage right from the start.

But when I see the glow in my
daughter's eyes, the warmth of her smile,

the aura of beauty
that surrounds her,

well, you put it there.

How, I'll never know.

But there it is to
see. Thank you, sir.

- Yeah, thanks.
- Let's drink to that.

I'd like a very dry martini. Spanish
gin, Italian vermouth and a Greek olive.

Well, I don't know if we have
those ingredients in the house.

Oh, don't bother.
I'll fix it myself.

In appreciation for your having
made my daughter so happy, Dolphin...

Darrin.

I'd like you to accept a small
token of my halfhearted esteem.

A little birthday
present, if you will.

Well, thank you, sir.

Oh, let's not be so
formal. Call me Maurice.

I'll try. It's a lighter and
a perpetual calendar.

Well, how about that?

Yes, I've invested that lighter with
a small portion of my own powers...

so that it may serve
your every command.

You mean, um, if I
use this, I can, um,

zap this and pow that and
ring-a-ding up anything I want?

Crudely but
accurately expressed.

Maurice, I appreciate your
gesture. I'm sorry I can't accept it.

You have the effrontery
to refuse my gift?

How dare you! Now, let's not
get all steamed up, Maurice.

- "Sir" to you, Dustbin.
- Darrin!

Uh, D-Daddy,

I-I think Darrin's just
trying to remind you...

how he feels about taking
advantage of you know what.

Samantha, you've picked a
lemon in the garden of love.

You're married to an obstinate
fool, a stubborn jackass.

I am not!

Darrin is-is a
wonderful human being.

Not necessarily.

Samantha, I think there's
a jackass on your rug.

Good grief!

And that, my dear, is final.

But why?

Oh, just an honest
difference of opinion.

You say he isn't a
jackass. I say he is. Oh!

Oh, Daddy!

Daddy, how could you
do such a thing to Darrin?

You've taken away the one
thing that's made me so happy.

Samantha, I have not taken
away the cause of your happiness.

I've simply changed his
form, and not much at that.

Well, I-I happen to
prefer the original.

Don't you worry, sweetheart.

We'll-We'll get you out
of there. Won't we, Dad...

Daddy? Daddy?

Oh, Daddy, this is no
time to play hide-and-seek.

You come back here right now!

It's way past our bedtime!

Oh, Father, if malice
could be mined like gold,

you'd be worth a fortune.

Darrin?

Sweetheart, I love you.

Now, look. I-I-I don't blame
you for being a little bit upset.

But... Well, look.

I promise you. You don't
have to be a mule any...

Any longer than
absolutely necessary.

Now, sweetheart,
when-when-when Daddy gets back...

Well, I-I-I must
admit he deserves it,

but I wouldn't press your luck.

In the meantime,
we'll just have to adjust.

Sweetheart, wouldn't you be a little
more comfortable if you slept outside?

It-It's a lovely, warm
night. Uh, come look.

And you forgot to
mow the lawn out back,

so it's nice and thick.

See?

It'll be nice under the stars.

I could get a sleeping
bag and join you.

Abner, there's a jackass in
the Stephens's living room!

Is that a nice way to talk
about your neighbors?

I mean, a real jackass.

What's an eight-letter
word for murder?

Abner, why don't
you ever listen to me?

I listen to you all the time, except
when you talk. There, I draw the line.

If you're worried about Tabitha
having a trauma over this, don't.

She took the news
like a good little sport.

Um, as a matter of fact,

she wanted to know when
you'd take her for a ride.

Well, I'm-I'm sorry, sweetheart,
but you can hardly blame her.

I'm fixing your favorite
breakfast. Eggs Benedict.

Good morning, Mrs. Kravitz.

Uh, what's that in your kitchen?

- What's what in my kitchen?
- Uh, the mule.

It's a mule.

That's what I thought it was.

I stayed up all night
trying to convince Abner...

there was a mule in your house.

That's my daddy.

Your what?

She named him Daddy.

Well, that's what he is.
My grandpa made a no-no.

I'll say that's a no-no.

You're not allowed
to keep mules as pets.

He's not a pet. He's my daddy.

Tabitha, it isn't nice to argue with
grown-ups. Run outside and play.

Even if you were allowed to keep a
mule in the house, who would want to?

I mean, it's not sanitary.

I assure you. He is bathed
regularly and is quite housebroken.

Here you are, Daddy.

You're feeding eggs
Benedict to a mule?

A happy pet is a healthy pet.

Eat up.

Not so fast, uh, Daddy.

Abner will never believe it!

I don't believe it.

I tell you. It is a jackass,

and she is feeding him
eggs Benedict for breakfast.

Lucky jackass. All I
ever get is lumpy oatmeal.

Laugh, laugh.

I have a good mind to
call the animal shelter.

Mother? Mother, I
know you can hear me,

so put that champagne
down right this minute...

and get over here tout de suite.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Champagne should
never be gulped.

Now, what is your problem?

Well... Oh!

I see you have a new pet.

Oh, how nice.

It's not nice at
all. It's Darrin.

Oh. Oh, of course.

I'd know him anywhere.

- Mother!
- Very well.

You and Durwood had a quarrel.

No. Daddy and Dur...
Darrin had a quarrel.

Spare me the gory details.

- What am I gonna do?
- Nothing.

Nothing, of course. I've
always said Father knows best.

You've never said that!

I'm saying it now.

Oh, Mother, stop kidding around.
You have to help me find him.

Let me see.

If I know your father,
and I think I do,

he'll be flitting about the south
of France this time of year.

Well, why don't you pop
over and track him down?

It's your problem, Samantha.
You argue with him.

But who'd babysit with Tabitha?

Durwood, of course!

In case of an emergency,
he can always bray for help.

Oh, such wit.

We'll only be gone
a few minutes.

Well, uh...

N-Now, sweetheart, we'll be back
just as soon as we can find Daddy.

I hate long farewells. I don't
want you to worry about a thing.

Just take good
care of Tabitha...

And the countess was
never quite the same.

Santé!

- Ah, bonjour, mesdames.
- Hi.

I'd ask you to join us,
but the table is so small.

Oh, Yvette, this is my
daughter, and my... her mother.

- Bonjour.
- Bonjour.

Daddy, I must talk
to you about Darrin.

Ah, ah. Dr. Bombay forbids me to discuss
family problems at the aperitif hour.

It gives me heartburn.

Daddy, you have to help Darrin.

Well, if he needs help, I suggest
you call in a qualified veterinarian.

You know exactly the kind
of help I'm talking about.

He cannot go to the office
in that asinine condition.

Then I suggest he try
a different line of work.

Say, uh, drawing
a milk wagon, huh?

That's very good, Maurice.

Now help your child so I
can get on with my shopping.

Yes, but not right away. I'm
taking my final exams this afternoon.

In what, may I ask?

Karate. Yvette is
my karate instructor.

Maurice. Ah!

I'm sorry to be late. That's
quite all right, my dear.

Samantha, Endora,
this is Angelique,

an associate of Yvette's
in the karate business.

Imagine that...

At your age to take
them on two at a time.

It's an advanced course,

and quite handy in the event one is
attacked both from the front and the rear.

That event may be
coming up right now.

Samantha, you're
turning into a nudge.

Ladies, enjoy your drinks...

and, uh, go on
over to the studio.

I'll join you later. If I'm delayed,
you can start without me.

Darrin, Tabitha, we're home,

and Grandpapa is with us.

Mommy! Mommy! What is it?

It's Daddy. They took
him away just now.

They... Who took him away?

Two men in white
coats, no doubt.

Green coats.

Mrs. Kravitz came in with them.

They put him in a truck and said
Daddy couldn't live here anymore.

What man? What truck?

I don't know. He gave me this.

"The animal
shelter"? Good grief!

Oh, let's look on the
brighter side of things.

Among all those dumb animals,
Dolphin should be quite at home.

Psst! Darrin!

Darrin? Sweetheart?

Oh, sweetheart,
I just found out.

Well, it must've
been terrible for you.

It's din-din time,
kids. Come and get it!

Come on, sweetheart.
We're going home.

Did you see that?

See what?

Nothing.

All right,

who's the wise guy
who's hiding the mule?

Sure, you play chess
while I'm feeling so guilty...

at what I did to that
poor, dumb animal.

I could cut my throat!

I think I put a new blade
in the razor this morning.

It's your move.

Mrs. Stephens'll probably
never speak to me again.

I'll send her a letter of
congratulations in the morning.

Abner, the-the jackass is back!

Ah, mule, sweet mule,

parting is such sweet sorrow.

But Dolphin must be
back at work tomorrow.

That's terrible!

Mmm. I thought I
read it rather well.

I mean, he's not changing.

Yes. Well, you win
some, you lose some.

Well, I must get cracking, or I
shall be late for my karate finals.

Ah, ah... No, you don't!

You're not leaving
here until you give Darrin

back to me exactly
the way you found him.

Ah, the sacrifices a
father makes for his child.

I'll try the laying on of hands.

Oh, lowly beast of the field,

be welcomed unto the fold.

Believe, and the gates of
your heart shall open wide,

and you will walk through.

Hallelujah.

Nothing's happening.

What do you mean?
Plenty is happening.

I'm getting an
abominable headache.

Wait. Half a mo.

That's the fly in
the witch's ointment.

The jackass and I are
both trying too hard.

Oh, Daddy, for heaven's sakes.

This is no time for chess. It
is precisely the time for chess.

Mutual concentration on a
common problem will make us as one.

Beauty and the beast.

Come along, Dolphin.
You're white. Your move.

All-All right, sweetheart.

Just, um... Just point it out.

Gently, sweetheart.

Oh. You have very
clumsy lips, sweetheart.

I'll move this for you.

Aha!

The Ruy Lopez opening. A
crafty little beast, aren't you?

Are you sure, Darrin?

I will not tolerate
coaching from the

sidelines. Let the jackass
play his own game.

Uh, I knocked, but
no one heard me.

Let's get on with the
game. It's your move.

He's playing chess?

Amazing.

What's so amazing? I usually
beat him two out of three.

I can't wait to tell
Abner about this!

Aha! You're getting into
trouble there, Dolphin.

Get your bishop out of
the way, and you can castle.

Castle? King Arthur!

By George, I've got it!

I once had a run-in with a
cowardly knight and turned him into...

Well, that doesn't
matter. Last night,

when I wrought that remarkable change for
the better in your husband's appearance,

I was standing here,
Dolphin was there,

Samantha, you were
here, and... let me see.

Endora, you were nowhere. Scat!

Now we must get rid of this.

Now we shall recreate
the entire event.

You have the effrontery
to refuse my gift?

How dare you! Now, let's not
get all steamed up, Maurice.

"Sir" to you, Dustbin. Darrin.

Uh, D-Daddy,

I-I think Darrin's just
trying to remind you...

how he feels about taking
advantage of you know what.

Samantha, you've picked a
lemon in the garden of love.

You're married to an obstinate
fool, a stubborn jackass.

I am not!

Darrin is-is a
wonderful human being.

Not necessarily.

Samantha, I think there's
a jackass on your rug.

Hold it!

Reverse!

Voilà!

Thank you from the
bottom of my withers!

Not at all, my boy.

As Bill Shakespeare
once said to me,

"The quality of
mercy is not strained.

"It droppeth as a gentle rain from
heaven upon the place beneath.

It is twice blessed. It blesseth
him that gives and him that takes."

Daddy. Um, let's
not get carried away.

Oh. Terribly sorry.

Ah, Endora, Endora.

It's hard to be a
parent. Yes, darling.

Darrin was tired,
so he went to bed.

Daddy, I'm worried.

He was thirsty, and, um...

That's something to worry about?

He wants his water in a bucket.

That is something
to worry about.

Forget it, child. It's merely the
residual of his recent hee-haw.

It'll pass in time.

Mrs. Stephens? Oh, hi.

Mrs. Stephens, I need the
name of a good sanitarium.

Oh, is, uh, something
wrong with you, Mr. Kravitz?

Not me... Gladys. The poor
kid. You know what she said?

She said you have a jackass that plays
chess and that could probably beat me.

Can I live with
a sickie like that?

Well, um, as-as
a matter of fact,

our jackass did play chess.

You'll have to show me.

Well, um, he's gone.

Please, Mrs. Stephens,
don't try to protect Gladys.

What my daughter meant
was that the jackass...

has just gone into the kitchen
for some milk and cookies.

I'll fetch him.

- Is he kidding?
- I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Daddy? I never could resist
a ripping game of chess.

You're white, Mr. Kravitz.

It's your move.