All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E26 Samantha Twitches for UNICEF

Oh.

Oh, Mother, really.

How many times have I told
you I'd rather do it myself?

Samantha, it
depresses me no end...

to see you engaged in such
disgustingly mortal activities.

Well, you're wasting your
depression, Mother dear.

I enjoy painting. Besides, this
is my project while Darrin's gone.

He's gone? Oh,
what delightful news.

Permanently, I hope?

He's in Chicago
on business. Drat!

And if I'm lucky, he'll be
home day after tomorrow.

And if I'm lucky, he'll
fall into Lake Michigan.

Here. Paint yourself
into a corner.

Well, hello, Mrs. Stephens.

Mrs. Wehmeyer, how
nice to see you. Come in.

Oh, forgive me for
barging in this way,

but I was in the neighborhood,
and I just thought...

What's that?

Pardon?

I really must have
these checked.

Won't you sit down?

Well, I haven't seen you since
you led the fight to save the park.

Oh, my dear, I have
never forgotten that.

And, Mrs. Stephens, frankly,
we need your help again.

The park's being
threatened again? Oh, no.

I'm talking about our drive to raise money
for the United Nations Children's Fund.

You know how important that is.

I'd be happy to make a
contribution to UNICEF.

Oh, good. Our committee is meeting this
afternoon at the downtown community center.

Committee? Well, now... Oh, my
dear, I knew I could count on you.

But, Mrs. Wehmeyer... Oh,
the others will be thrilled...

to know that you're
going to join us.

But-But, Mrs. Wehmeyer, I
don't really think I have the time.

Why, dear, you're
just what we need.

Someone to, uh, lead us.

Someone to inspire
us to an all-out effort.

- Me?
- 1:00, then?

1:00.

Ta-ta.

Ta-ta. Oh.

Samantha, I have a
perfectly splendid idea.

Why don't we hop on a
cloud and fly off somewhere?

I mean, as long
as Darwin's away...

I'm sorry, Mother, but I can't.

I have just volunteered
to be drafted.

Ow!

Where are you going?
What about the meeting?

- Well, it's over, my dear.
- Didn't you say 1:00?

Did I? Well, it
doesn't matter now.

I'm afraid we've suffered
a severe setback.

Well, what happened? Oh, I
don't even want to talk about it.

We had a pledge for $10,000
from E.J. Haskell, the builder,

and now he's reneged on it.

Oh, what a shame. What
made him change his mind?

Who knows? Mrs. Stephens,
you won't believe this,

but we can't even get
ahold of him to find out.

Well, there must be
something we can do.

Well, what can we
do? I don't know.

Can't he be sued for,
uh, breach of pledge?

Samantha, we've
tried everything.

We've written to him.
We've sent him wires.

We haven't been
able to get near him.

Yeah, but that's not fair. I
mean, after all, he promised.

Mrs. Stephens?

- We did have one thought.
- What's that?

To select one member to
concentrate on Mr. Haskell...

for 48 hours.

- Oh, well, that is a good idea.
- Then you agree?

- Oh, of course.
- I knew you would.

Here. This piece of
paper has Mr. Haskell's...

home address and
his business address.

- What?
- And good luck.

They say there's a
sucker born every minute,

but apparently you're
trying to raise the average.

Mother, who's sitting
with Tabitha? Hagatha.

And I'm afraid
she's a little put out.

I just zapped her out
of an eight-legged race.

What's that? Oh, my
darling, it's all the rage.

You saddle an octopus,
and you try to break it.

Come on. I'll show
you how it's done.

Mother, Mother, I can't.

I'm going to be busy trying to
break a two-legged maverick.

Oh.

Murdock? Yes, Mr. Haskell?

Where's that decorator? Wasn't
he supposed to be here at 2:00?

It's a she, sir. They're
sending a young lady.

Well, she's two minutes late.

I'll get it. Bring
the car around.

I'll be ready in a
few minutes. Yes, sir.

- You're two minutes late.
- I am?

Well, don't stand
there. Come in.

All right. Come
along. Right in here.

Here we are. Well,
what do you think?

I, uh... Pardon?

Well, I'm not asking
for any specific ideas.

I just want your, uh,
immediate general reaction.

Oh, well, that's good.

Because it's easier to
be general than specific.

That is, usually but not always,

although sometimes
it's harder to be general.

Huh?

The important thing is to know
what you're talking about, right?

Right. What are
we talking about?

About redecorating
this room. What else?

Oh.

Oh!

Well, uh, it, uh,
certainly could use it.

Exactly.

Incidentally, I thought you
did a great job at the Wilsons'.

They're very high
on you, you know?

That's very sweet of them.
They're a lovely couple.

Fred Wilson and his mother?

Fred does have a
problem, doesn't he?

Well, I'm not needed here.

Now you look around, get
some ideas. I've gotta run.

Mr. Haskell, I already
have some ideas. You have?

Yes. Mr. Haskell,
you're a builder.

You know the importance of a
good foundation, right? Right.

Well, d-don't you
think the children all

over the world deserve
a good foundation too?

Sure. But what's all that
got to do with redecorating?

Well, actually, I'm not
your average decorator.

In fact, I'm not a
decorator at all.

Who are you?

Why did you go back on
your pledge to UNICEF?

Mmm. So that's who you are.

Yes, I'm one of the
housewives for UNICEF.

I'm very busy, miss.

Mr. Haskell, I'm not leaving until I
get a direct answer to a direct question.

Are you gonna make
good on that pledge? No.

You don't have
to be that direct.

Can't we sit down
and talk this over?

In a minute, you're going to
make me forget my manners.

I didn't ask you to
come barging in here.

Oh, yes, you did. As a matter
of fact, you ordered me in.

Well, now I'm
ordering you to get out.

What manners were
you talking about?

Good-bye.

And if you're smart, you won't
show your face around here again.

For two cents, I'd huff and I'd
puff, and I'd blow your house down.

That's what happens when
you get involved with mortals...

and their petty problems.

Thanks for the advice, Mother,

but a world full of children who
need help is hardly a petty problem.

Furthermore, no one is going to slam
a door in my face and get away with it.

Never show my face
around here again, huh?

I'll make him sorry
he ever saw it.

Bye-bye, Mother. I
have to get to work.

What's holding us up?

There's a truck
blocking the street, sir.

Well, how did
you... Where's my...

Look, young lady, you
get out of this car before I...

I beg your pardon, sir?

Good afternoon, Miss Blake.

Here are your calls,
Mr. Haskell. Oh, yes. Thank you.

Oh, Mr. Haskell?

Don't you want your mail?

No. No.

Yes, Mr. Haskell?

Come in here right away.

I'm going to ask you
a simple question.

Look up there and
tell me if you see...

See what, sir?

Nothing.

What was the name
of that psychiatrist...

I went to last year?

Now, I want you
to describe to me...

exactly, to the smallest detail,

this person you keep seeing.

Well, she's young,
blonde, kind of pretty.

In fact, very pretty.

- Aha.
- Does that mean something?

Does it mean something?
I'll say it means something.

- What?
- I don't know.

But everything means something.

The important thing is
what does it mean to you?

Look, Doctor, I'm paying
for answers, not questions.

But, my dear fellow, without questions
there would be no answers. Understand?

No.

- Aha!
- Now what?

Your refusal to understand is
symptomatic of the anxiety state...

and clearly indicates
that your censor...

refuses to permit
the id to supersede.

Well, could you explain
that in simpler language?

Of course not.
I'm a psychiatrist,

not a nursery school teacher.

Look, I'm a busy
man. I haven't...

Wait, wait.

Ja. I think I know how to get
to the bottom of your problem.

Well, it's about time.

I will give you
some word images,

and you will say the first
thing that comes into your head.

We will begin. And
no profanity, please.

Ready? Yeah.

Black. Blue.

Red. White.

- Blonde.
- Pretty.

- Young.
- Old.

- Aha!
- What is it? What is it?

There's that pencil.
Thought I lost it.

I don't think we're
getting anywhere.

Which is why you're a
patient, and I'm the psychiatrist.

The reason for your
hallucination is obvious.

Well, what is it?

Oh, boy, have you got a
mental block. Don't you see?

This hallucination represents your
doubts and anxieties about your marriage.

But I don't have any
doubts or anxieties.

You're getting married, and
you have no doubts or anxieties?

No.

My dear chap,
you really are sick.

What I am saying is that I
keep seeing this blonde...

I have to get a cigarette.

I thought you didn't smoke.

I don't, but... my nurse does.

Ask me, he oughta
see a psychiatrist.

What was that, my dear chap?

Now, I am going to ask
you one more question.

Have you got, maybe,
something on your conscience?

Have you, maybe, made a
promise and then gone back on it,

and the young lady
keeps reminding you?

- Is that possible?
- Doctor! Doctor! I'm seeing her now!

Aha! Exactly where are
you seeing this hallucination?

Right there. In that chair.

You must be joking.

There is nobody
in this chair but me.

Now, let's get back
to your conscience.

You're wasting
your time, my darling.

Mother, if you want an
appointment, just ask the nurse.

Nurse! Nurse!

You can't appeal to his
conscience. He doesn't have any.

Samantha,

how would you like an
intelligent suggestion?

From whom?

I'll ignore that.

Why don't you find this little
vixen he's going to marry...

and see what makes her tick.

Mother, you're absolutely right.

I have to cherchez la femme.

But, Doctor, I tell you! She
is sitting right here in your...

They're gone.

Ah, there was more than one?

Her mother was with her.

Or was it your mother?

My dear fellow, why
don't you lie down...

and let's have a little
talk about your mother.

And I thought that if
anyone would appreciate...

how badly that money is
needed, it would be you.

After all, you lived in India.

Well, actually, I only
lived there for about a year.

Um, two months for the marriage
and 10 months for the divorce.

But you had a chance
to see how terrible

the poverty is and how
badly they need help.

No. But I heard
about it, of course.

Then you'll ask Mr. Haskell
about his donation?

Look, I'd like to help
you, but I make it a rule...

never to ask for anything
before the wedding.

But you wouldn't be
asking for anything.

Just the same, he's old enough to
decide a thing like that for himself.

Boy, is he old enough.

Of-Of course. But
couldn't you just...

You asked me a question,
and I gave you my answer.

That's right. You did.
I'm sorry I took your time.

Okay.

I thought she'd never leave.

I thought you'd
never come out. Well?

Mother, looks
like we were right.

She's not the kind of girl one
takes home to Mother, is she?

Only if Mother is not home.

Oh, it's beautiful, poopsie!

Oh, it's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.

But you shouldn't have. Why not?

After all, you talked me out of making
that donation, and you saved me $10,000.

And this is my
commission? Exactly.

Oh, poopsie, you're
such a doll. I love you so.

Not at all, my dear.

Can you believe that? No.

But apparently poopsie does.

I think what's indicated here
is a little dose of truth salts.

Do you have some? Oh,
darling, I never go anywhere...

without the tools of my trade.

Waiter. Yes, miss?

What is the correct time?

It's about 7:30.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Oh, poopsie, I'll
never forget this night.

Would you care
for the wine list, sir?

Not right now,
waiter. Thank you.

When we're married,
we're going to eat at home.

Wait till you taste my cooking.

Good. I hate restaurants.

Once you taste my cooking,
you'll be glad to go to a restaurant.

- Who said that?
- You said that.

I know, but I don't know why.

Actually, I'm very
good in the kitchen.

It's just that I don't know
a thing about cooking.

What is this, some kind of game?

No. Really. Believe
me. Why would I do that?

You know how I feel about you.

How much I adore your money.

I don't like this game.

Oh, poopsie, where's
your sense of humor?

I never thought
bad taste was funny.

I'm sorry. Really I am.

Oh, all right. Let's...
Let's just forget it.

Would you like to go somewhere
when you're finished at the club tonight?

Oh, that would be great.

Except I have a date
with my boyfriend.

I think I'd better
take you home.

No. Wait. I didn't mean
that. Let me explain.

All right. Explain.

I've got a better idea.
Here. Here's some cab fare.

Sorry about that.

Oh, no. No. You're
all I need right now.

May I sit down?
How could I stop you?

Look, I know you've
had a shock, but...

Wait a minute. It's just beginning
to dawn on me who you are.

You're... You're my
conscience, aren't you?

Well, you could say that.

Of course. And...

And I'm not going
to get rid of you until I

make good on that
pledge to UNICEF, right?

- That's the idea.
- In that case, I'll do it.

Marvelous. Now,
I brought a pen...

and a blank check, just in
case you didn't have one.

Are you kidding? I can't
give you a check for $10,000.

- Why not?
- You don't even exist.

You're my conscience. Waiter.

But, Mr. Haskell...

Oh, wait till I tell
my doctor about you.

He thought you represented
my doubts and anxieties,

but you're far too
attractive for that.

Are you going to
be at this all night?

Uh-oh.

When I recover from
dealing with my conscience,

I'll be glad to talk to you
about my doubts and anxieties.

Till then, bye-bye.

I don't know why, but I have the
distinct feeling that I've been insulted.

- Martini?
- Make it a double.

At it again, eh?

Yes. And I'm almost finished.

Oh! I thought you were
at the underwater rodeo.

Oh, I was eliminated. I was
thrown by a bucking sea horse.

Oh, what a shame. Would
you like some breakfast?

Oh, that's a lovely idea.

Then we can take off, just the
two of us, and have some fun.

- Forget it.
- Don't be snippy.

Darrin came home last
night, and he's still asleep.

Oh. Guess who
just lost her appetite?

Paint the clouds with sunshine.

Good morning, my dear.
Hello, Mrs. Wehmeyer.

I've got the most delicious
news. Guess what?

Mr. Haskell came through
with his $10,000 donation.

You'll never guess. We got
that $10,000 donation from...

How did you know?

You must be psychic.

Well, anyway, dear, I
rushed right over to tell you,

so you wouldn't waste
time trying to see him.

That is good news.

He said his conscience had
bothered him all day yesterday.

And then he said
the strangest thing.

What was that?

He asked me if I'd ever
seen a blonde conscience.

- Oh, that is weird.
- Yeah.

Oh, well, I must
run to the bank.

Oh, thanks anyway, dear,
for volunteering. Ta-ta.

Ooh.