All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E24 The Battle of Burning Oak

Oh, Mother!

Oh, it becomes you, dear.

After all, if you're gonna work like a
slave, you might as well look like one.

I am not a slave.

I enjoy cooking dinner for
my husband and our guests.

Coquilles St. Jacques.

Prepared by a witch
in the mortal way.

Mm, not bad. Of
course, it's not ambrosia,

but it's quite good
enough for Durwood.

What's the occasion?

We are entertaining Mr. and
Mrs. J. Earle Rockeford.

They are very rich and very social.
He's a client of McMann and Tate.

Well, why don't they
have them for dinner?

Because Louise
Tate is out of town.

That's why we invited them
here. He's a very important man.

There are no important
mortals, my darling.

You're wasting your time.

This one's important.

His ancestors came
over on the Mayflower.

Rockeford?

Rockeford.

I don't recall seeing any
Rockefords on the Mayflower.

Probably in steerage.

Mr. Rockeford has
a very big account.

And Darrin might get it.
He loves Darrin's ideas.

I was right. He did
come over in steerage.

Honey, I'm home. Where are you?

In the kitchen. Where else?

Be right there.

Now, you've had
your little joke.

So, Mother, before you
leave, would you mind?

Anything for you, darling.

Came home early
to see if I could help.

Oh. Oh, what?

Oh, censored.

What can I do to help?

You could have done something
five years ago by not proposing to her.

Mother, it's getting close
to sock-it-to-you time.

Why resist temptation?
Let me do it.

Perhaps a muzzle would
quiet his mortal bark.

Oh, now, Mother, Mother! You...

Darrin. Now please.

I'm sorry I dropped in.

That makes it unanimous.

Oh!

Darrin, I-I don't think
you should have said that.

Why not? She's gone, isn't she?

Oh, Darrin, won't
you ever learn?

Well, that was a splendid
dinner, Mrs. Stephens.

First-rate I'd call
it. Thank you.

And to think you did it
all by yourself. That's right.

You poor dear. How long
have you been without help?

Oh, quite some time now.

Well.

Well, now that the,
uh, amenities are over,

I suppose we may as well
get right down to cases, eh?

Exactly how I feel.

As you probably know,

I am the president and
chairman of the board...

of the Burning Oak Country Club.

No, I wasn't aware of that.

Well, now you know. And
as you also probably know,

we don't just take...
anybody into the club.

No. What's the point of having a
club if you're not going to be exclusive?

Oh, yes. There's so little
breeding in the world today.

Stephens,

I have a feeling that
you're the kind of man...

that would fit in
at Burning Oak.

That's very flattering.

Meant to be. The
board will have to pass

you, but I don't look
for any trouble there.

No. That's because
Earle is the board.

Darrin, you're a
lucky young man.

- Sam, you should be
proud of him.
- I always have been.

There are only two things
you have to do, young man.

Take a deep breath and say yes.

As I said before,
it's a great honor.

- I agree.
- But I'd like
to think about it.

- What's that you say?
- I just have the feeling...

that Samantha and I aren't quite up to
rubbing elbows with the Burning Oak set.

Are you trying to say that
you're too good for Burning Oak?

No. No, he wasn't
saying that at all.

- Let him do the saying.
- I didn't mean that.

What I am saying is that
I'm not sure we're ready.

Darrin's been working
very hard, Mr. Rockeford.

- He's, uh, tired.
- So am I.

Well, time to go. It's
late. It's only 9:30.

Hortense, I said it
was late. Yes, dear.

And I thank you for a lovely dinner,
my dear. You're very welcome.

Too bad about Burning Oak, Stephens.
You would have made a fine caddy.

Uh, Mr. Rockeford, about that
little business matter. Now...

You will hear from us, Tate,
in the not-too-distant future.

But-But, Mr. Rockeford,
I'll call you tomorrow.

Larry. Larry, think
before you speak.

I have been thinking. Of all the
stupid, childish, idiotic things to do...

When we were just about
to wrap up the account.

Why? Look, Larry.

All I asked was a little
time to think about it.

In our business, we
don't have time to think.

If I thought my turning down Burning
Oak was going to blow the deal, I...

Well, it has. And speaking
of blowing, it's time to go.

It's late. 9:30? Late?

It's later than
you think, Darrin.

Thanks for the dinner,
Sam. You're welcome.

I think.

Wow.

I've been thinking, honey.
Maybe I was too rough tonight.

Well, the Rockefords
did come on pretty strong.

I can't help feeling that
in his own snobbish way,

Mr. Rockeford was
trying to help me.

So, tomorrow I'll apologize
both to Larry and Mr. Rockeford.

Well, maybe that
is the best way.

Can't do any harm to
give Burning Oak a chance.

It may turn out that we
like the people very much.

And I'll handle the situation
first thing in the morning.

Good night, honey. Hmm.

Hi, Larry. Good
morning, Stephens.

Stephens? Oh, that's me. I.

I.

Uh, Larry, I've been doing
some thinking lately. So have I.

And I've come to a decision. I
want to apologize to Mr. Rockeford.

You already have. I have?

I knew you would,
so I did it for you.

Now just a minute, Larry. If
anyone apologizes for me, it's me.

I. Yeah, I.

I can do my own apologizing.

You're about to get
that golden opportunity.

Rockeford was so
taken by your apology...

that he invited us to
play golf with him...

at Burning Oak Country
Club this afternoon.

Larry, I have a full calendar.

I thought you learned that no
one says no to J. Earle Rockeford.

Besides, there's a little matter
of a discussion about the account.

Larry, I prefer talking business
in a business atmosphere.

And Rockeford prefers talking
business in the atmosphere of his club.

And that's the atmosphere
we're going to talk in.

Oh, hi. What are you doing home?

I'm playing golf at Burning Oak
with Mr. Rockeford and Larry.

Good. Then everything went
fine. I have my reservations.

Excuse me while I
change. Certainly.

Hello? Oh, hello,
Mrs. Rockeford.

Yes, we enjoyed it too.

Lunch today?

At the club?

They do?

Oh, why, yes, I'd love to.

1:00. I'll be there.

Bye.

Sweetheart? Mm-hmm.

You're not the only one
who's going to Burning Oak.

Mrs. Rockeford has
invited me to lunch.

She wants me to meet
some of her friends.

Great. How about
a sitter for Tabitha?

I'll get Aunt Hagatha.

Uh, Darrin,

she said that these
friends of hers...

were ladies on the
screening committee.

Well, that's just routine. Before you
become a member, you have to be screened.

Sounds like something
they do to keep the flies out.

Who are they trying to keep out?

Honey, you're just
being oversensitive.

Well, if they don't like flies,
they certainly won't like witches.

They'll love you.

Oh.

A priceless performance
by featherhead up there.

Meaning what? Meaning
that he's reduced you...

to hobnobbing with the snobs
at Burning Oak Country Club.

Mother, Darrin doesn't like
the idea any more than I do.

It's just good business tactics.

Besides, he feels badly about
being rude to Mr. Rockeford last night.

Rubbish. He's thrilled to death.

And in no time he'll be
outsnobbing the snobs.

You're wrong, Mother.

Darrin cannot be
intimidated. He's his own man.

He couldn't have
made a worse choice.

Mother, I'll give you
just three seconds...

One will do.

Good.

Within the moment we shall see,

what a snob this clod can be.

Stephens, you're
Burning Oak material.

Yeah, you know, I can't tell
you how much better I feel...

about your change of attitude.

I just needed time
to think it over.

How do you like the
course so far? We love it.

Quite, uh, adequate,
in my opinion.

- What's wrong with it?
- It has potential.

In time, with the right thinking, it
could be the finest club in the country.

In my opinion, it already is
the finest club in the country.

My opinion exactly.

Sorry, Larry. You have
no frame of reference.

Too many years
on the public links.

Well, this young man
may have something.

After all, he has got a
head on his shoulders, eh?

This is delicious. Well,
it's our pleasure, dear.

We just wanted to get to
know you. We did indeed.

I'm only sorry that we didn't seem
to find any, um, friends in common.

Please, don't be sorry.

We've been hoping,
just a wee bit of hoping,

that you might have
known the Vandergrifts.

No. Darrin and I don't
know the Vandergrifts.

Darrin, uh, this
is your husband?

Yes. He works for an
advertising company.

- Works?
- Sure. That's how we eat.

Well, it's just that
at Burning Oak,

our husbands are the company.

Oh. I guess that's what makes
Burning Oak so exclusive.

And empty. Yes.

Yes, we, um...
We like it that way.

You see, we try not to let
any undesirables, uh, slip in.

- Do you know Dr. Hafner?
- Who?

Dr. Hafner, the plastic surgeon.

He does wonderful nose work.

No, I don't know him.

Why don't we have
coffee in the card room?

I'm sorry, Hortense, but you
know I have my bridge game.

And I must get back
to my housework.

You poor dear.
You've lost your help.

Well, yes, in a way.

My help is lost until
I get back home.

Hortense, darling, I can't
thank you enough for the lunch...

and meeting the charming
Mrs., uh... Stephens.

It was wonderful meeting
you, Mrs. Stephens.

I wish I could spend more time with
you, but I'm late already for my couturier.

Oh, well, by all means,
don't let me keep you.

Good-bye, all. Good-bye.

I've been meaning to
tell you, Mrs. Stephens.

That's a very amusing
little frock you're wearing.

Did you make it yourself?

No, I had my
couturier run it up.

It's lovely. And
who is your man?

Oh, it isn't one man. It's two.

They call themselves
Sears and Roebuck.

Hi, sweetheart. Hi, darling.

How'd you do with
the ladies? Huh.

Sorry I didn't get to
meet them. Sorry I did.

That Jessica Morton
carrying on about her couturier,

asking me if I
made my own dress.

And I could have
turned her into a worm.

And it wouldn't take much turning.
Now, sweetheart, no witchcraft,

not at Burning Oak. Yeah.

Which reminds me, we should
be thinking about moving.

What's wrong with our house? It's
not the house. It's the neighborhood.

If we moved closer
to Burning Oak,

then you could be close to your
friends and get to know them.

Uh, Darrin, you're tired. Why
don't you lie down and take a nap?

I'm sure you'll feel better by
dinnertime. I'm fixing your favorite.

Huh? Corned beef and cabbage.

Ooh!

My taste buds just don't seem
to relate to that sort of thing.

Just what do they relate to?

Well, I was thinking in
terms of chateaubriand.

Or perhaps lobster Newburg,
with caviar as an appetizer.

Aw, we're fresh
out of that stuff.

Well, I don't mean here. I was
talking about dinner at the club.

You mean we're having
dinner at Burning Oak?

Rockeford invited us.

Oh. Well, I'll have to get
Aunt Hagatha back to babysit.

Fine. It'll be black tie,
of course. Of course.

I do hope you have
something appropriate to wear.

I'll run up something.

While we're on that subject,
Mrs. Morton has a point.

Huh? You ought to
see a good couturier.

Oh, no.

And when you do, take Tabitha.

Mother.

Oh, Mother. Oh,
you're a stubborn witch.

Now I know you've
put a spell on Darrin,

so you get here
and undo it, pronto.

Ooh. Aunt Hagatha,
what are you doing here?

Well, you called for me to
come and sit with Tabitha.

Have you forgotten? Sorry.

Do you know where
Mother is? Oh, I've no idea.

Terrific. Is something wrong?

Everything's wrong. You
name it, and it's wrong.

Well, maybe I can help.

After all, if a witch
can't help, who can?

Mother put a spell on Darrin.
She turned him into a snob.

Now he's outsnobbing
the super-snobs of all time.

Of all time.

Aunt Hagatha, maybe
there is a way you can help.

Is it evil?

Yeah. Now first, find out
if Aunt Bertha can babysit.

I'm gonna give you a list of names,
and I want you to check the backgrounds...

of each one very carefully.

Go back, um, three...
No, four generations.

Now, I'll be at the Burning Oak
Country Club, so as soon as you get...

About membership.

Earle, how far back do you
go? In the screening, I mean.

We look a man up, and then we check
on his family and immediate background.

Yes, we, uh... we don't want
any undesirables slipping through.

So I hear. But do you
think that's enough?

I mean, wouldn't it be better to go back
maybe, uh, three or four generations?

Well, do tell.

Good thinking, Sam.

You never know what you'll
find in a person's background.

Stephens is, uh, quite right.

We must protect the
club for the true-blue...

purebred American.

Exactly. Here's my thought.
From my brief observation,

you've let too many...

you know, not our kind
of people into the club.

Oh, my goodness.

The membership needs
a thorough shakedown.

From then on, there'll be a lot
more elbow room, for let's say...

Mother, where have you been?

I'm sorry, darling, but I was
picketing this new movie about witches.

It makes us appear
quite evil, you know?

If the shoe fits...

Why, Samantha, I'm surprised.

Don't you have any social
conscience about our people?

I have plenty of social
conscience about these people.

Relax, darling. I've had my fun.

Now Mama will take
care of everything.

I stopped by just after you left, and
Hagatha told me what you wanted.

I think this will take
care of your snobs.

Oh! See?

Oh!

That's marvelous. Yes,
indeed, it will. Hmm.

Now, Mother, you take the
spell off Darrin. Oh, please?

And while you're at it, you
might turn the time back a little bit.

I'd like to get a running
start. Very well, Samantha.

For you, not him.

Here. Just a minute.

Now.

Begone the hex
from dreary Dum-dum.

Enough is enough,
it's getting humdrum.

Stephens is quite right.

We must protect the club for
the true-blue, purebred Americans.

Exactly. Here's my thought.

From my brief observation,
you've let too many,

you know, not our kind
of people into the club.

Oh, my goodness.

The membership needs
a thorough shakedown.

After that, there'll be a lot more
elbow room for the common people.

- What did he say?
- Is this your idea of a gag?

Uh, well... Yes,
Mr. Rockeford, it is.

Darrin was just
putting you on a bit.

He wanted to find out exactly what
your membership requirements really are.

That's it. I think.

You, uh... You gave
us quite a start there.

The truth is screens
work both ways.

They keep things in and out.

And Darrin and I have decided
to stay out of Burning Oak.

Young lady, I don't
know what you're up to,

but I must say I do
not find it amusing.

I do.

Uh, Mr. Rockeford, it's true.

Your heritage does go
back to the Mayflower.

An Irishman named,
uh, Toodles Rockne...

was a stowaway on the Mayflower.

Illegally in this country.

Well, you see, as Toodles...

How did you know that?

Because I belong to the
greatest minority there is.

I'm a witch.

I think this is in
extremely bad taste.

Mr. Morton, your grandfather
came here from Poland...

and spent a good
deal of his time in jail.

He couldn't even
make it as a horse thief.

Don't move too far, Cynthia.

Does the name Moishnev
ring a bell with you?

Oy vey.

Whatever that means.

I think we all know that
there's no such thing...

as a purebred American.

Unless it's the Indian. And an
American Indian could never get in here.

Is there anything you'd
like to add, Darrin?

Yes. It's late.

You're right. It's 9:30.

I heard from Larry. Oh?

We've got the Rockeford account,
and the screens are off at Burning Oak.

Oh. I didn't think those
kind would ever change.

Well, they did,
and so did Mother.

She's about to make a formal
apology for what she did to you.

The only reason that I'm
not furious at your mother...

is that I wouldn't have missed
the fire you lit under Burning Oak...

for anything in the world.

They're probably calling it
Smoldering Stump by now.

You were wonderful. Oh.

If you weren't my wife,
I'd ask you to marry me.

Samantha, I'm ready.

Here comes your apology.
Come on. Mm-hmm.

Look.

I promise never to bother...

She's gonna write it 100 times.

Good.

What's-his-name again.

Oh, brother.

Oh, Mother.