All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E21 Marriage, Witches Style

♪ Put your trust in
Aunt Sue's cake mix ♪

♪ You will find it's
not a fake mix ♪

♪ It will make a better batter ♪

♪ And it weighs
lighter than fatter ♪♪

It will make your batter better,

and it weighs lighter
than a "fedder."

No, that's terrible.

Okay, who's the wise witch?

Hi, little cousin.

You made it sound so yummy.

Serena, how long
have you been here?

And put that piece of cake back.

I just arrived.

You can have your
silly old cake back.

Calories will kill my figure.

Hey, coz, where's gorgeous?

Darrin's away
on a business trip.

I meant Tabitha.

Napping. What
have you been up to?

Well, I've been
in Kenya on safari.

Tell me, how do you love it?

And tomorrow I'm off to
Balmoral with Elizabeth and Philip.

And on the weekend, I'm expected
in Athens for a yacht christening.

Sounds like fun.

I'm bored with fun.

It's the kind of life
that makes you happy.

Oh. There must be something
more to life than happiness.

Well, there's heartache.

Oh, I'd just love to have an
aching heart for a change.

- Like you.
- Who's aching?

Well, the role of the grubby
little housewife can't be all fun.

Like now. Superboob
is out of town.

- That makes you unhappy. Admit it.
- I guess so.

Cousin, do you know
what I'm going to do? No.

I'm going to find myself
a mortal and marry it.

- You know what I think?
- What?

I think you've
cracked your cauldron.

Well! Works for you.

Why do you think you're the only
witch who can dig the mortal scene?

Darrin and I are special.

I'm pretty special myself, coz.

Serena, if you're really
serious about getting married,

you have to find
yourself a single man.

Okay, spoilsport. Where?

Serena, you know what's
available among the warlocks.

Warlock?

What kind of a
challenge is a warlock?

I want a regular,
dreary-type human being.

You couldn't get along
with a human being.

- You get along with Darrin.
- But it takes work.

He's that difficult
to live with, huh?

That's not what I meant.

Where do I look?
Oh, I don't know.

A church picnic, the
beach, country club.

The Human Equation. What
was that last thing you said?

Human Equation.

It's a matchmaking service...
Sort of a cupid computer.

- I saw it advertised
on television.
- How does it work?

Well, you see, they
have this machine,

and-and you tell it what
kind of man you want and...

And a man pops
out of the machine?

No. A card pops out
that matches your card.

And our cards live
happily ever after.

Sounds sexy... for the cards.

Forget it. No.

I dig that science fiction jazz.

- Let's split.
- I'd rather not
get involved, Serena.

Okay. Okay.

But if you don't come with me,

I'm going to tell Dumbo all
about you and Sir Walter Raleigh.

I never even met
Sir Walter Raleigh.

I know it, and you know
it. But will he believe it?

That's liar's blackmail.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh!

Man, it really works.

It's the only way to
travel... Altarwise, that is.

Well, I have a happy
surprise for you.

Because there are two of you, you
qualify for the group rate. Marvy-poo.

We're cousins, and I'm married.

Well, now let's see what we
can do for you happinesswise.

Groovy-wise.

If you'll just fill out this
questionnaire, my dear.

Neatness and truth count.

Sit here, please.

I'll leave you alone a minute.

"Name." Well, I don't
need any help with that.

"Age."

If I told them the truth, the computer
would have a nervous breakdown.

You look 26.

- I look 22.
- Well, actually...

Twenty-six.

"Who is your favorite
political figure?"

Oh, that's easy. Julius Caesar.

They mean today.

I still think Julie is
cuter than Dickie.

This is always an
exciting moment for me.

Now, your card will
be injected into this slot.

These cards represent
our male clientele.

When I turn on the computer,

those male cards that are
compatible with your female card...

will drop into your little slot.

How romantic.

Shall we give it a whirl?

- Nothing's dropping
into my slot.
- Give it time, my dear.

What's the matter with those dumb
cards? Patience, my dear. Patience.

I made it! Amazing.

You must be an extraordinary
girl to attract only one card.

You can believe that.

Ooh, you lucky,
lucky, lucky girl.

This match was
surely made in heaven.

- Uh, who is he?
- That's top secret for now.

Oh, uh, please wait
in the outer office...

while I try to arrange
for a meeting.

You have a luncheon
date tomorrow at 1:00...

with your intended
at the Rotisserie.

Congratulations. Oh! Wait.
Wait a minute. Who is he?

His name is Franklyn Blodgett.
That's all you need to know.

What does he look like?
Where does he come from?

What does he do for
a living? My dear child,

if I tell you every goody, what will
you two lovebirds have to talk about?

We'll think of something.

Oh, yeah.

♪♪

Monsieur Blodgett.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hmm?

Oh.

The wine you ordered,
Monsieur Blodgett.

Oh, yes. I've known
you for ages...

in here.

- Mmm.
- The wine you ordered, sir.

The wine that you would
drink. What is your favorite wine?

Lafite Rothschild, 1923.

Château Lafite Rothschild, 1923.

Wow.

That's some computer.

Um, F-Franklyn, w-would you
excuse me for just a moment?

I'd like to freshen up a little.

Yes, of course.

- But hurry back.
- Oh, yes.

- Hello.
- Sammy, I'm in love.

You just met him,
and you're in love?

Oh, it wasn't a meeting.

It was two stars
exploding in the galaxy.

You're in love.

What does he look like? Where does he
come from? What does he do for a living?

Oh, I can't be bothered
with technicalities.

He knows my favorite wine.

Oh, well. Now that's what I
call a basis for a good, solid...

My lucky day. Oh!

♪♪

Serena, please listen to me.

You don't get married for kicks.

♪♪ Oh, Sammy!

I could've eaten lunch
right through dinner.

He is beautiful.

So's a cobra. Is he intelligent?

Intelligent?

He's read books that
haven't even been written yet.

My, what a
stimulating companion.

He'll read while you rot.

- I'm not going to tell you
any more about him.
- Good.

I've invited him for dinner,

so why don't you go to
a movie or something?

No. I think I'd better stay
around here and help.

I don't need any help.

That's what you think.

Let's see.

First, I think I'll start
off with, uh, some pâté.

Then salad.

Hearts of palm vinaigrette.

And for the main
course... Chateaubriand.

Oh. Lovely.

What's the matter?
Chateaubriand too well-done?

Everything's too
well-done. Come with me.

Here are the recipes.

There is the food.

Here's the heat.
Now start cooking.

Me? I don't even
know how to boil water.

You're not serving
boiled water for dinner.

Oh, come on, cousin.

Let me whip up a
little gourmet meal.

No. If you're going to marry a mortal,
you'll have to learn to live like one.

Who made up that rule?

Believe me, I'm an
authority on the subject.

Mortals are uncomfortable
with perfection.

They just love helpless women.

So a little imperfection in your dinner
and you can only endear you to him.

Oh, cousin, that doesn't
even make sense.

Well, maybe not,
but that's the way it is.

Okay. Okay.

How do I look, Pop?

Smashing. You don't make
it sound like a compliment.

It is for our kind, but
you're dealing with a mortal.

A frailty here and there
might help your cause.

But I don't have
any frailties, Pop.

Pretend. Roughen up
those smooth edges.

Mortal women find
clumsiness quite endearing.

Clumsiness.

So long, Pop.

The Warlock Club, Macduff.

Hi. Hi.

What are you hiding? Oh, uh,

just a little bunch of, uh...

Violets. How quaint.

I'm afraid they're
a little wilted.

Like me.

No. I like the way
you look, Serena.

You're... You're so human.

Oh! That's the nicest thing
anyone ever said to me.

Oh, come in.

Oh. It's... It's so
clumsy of me.

Yes.

Oh.

Tough, huh?

Mm-mmm. No. No, not all.

It's, uh... It's so delicious,

I want to relish its
flavor as long as I can.

Oh, you're just being kind.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes, yes.

Would you care for
more gravy? Oh, yes.

Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
It was so clumsy of me.

No, no, no. Don't apologize.

It's only human. Let me help.

- Oh! Oh, I did the same thing.
- That could happen to anyone.

Oh!

It's been a perfect
evening, Serena.

I'm sorry about your thumb.

Well, I'll know
better next time.

"Close cover before
striking match."

Anyway, thanks
for the first aid.

And may I see you
again tomorrow night?

Golly whiz.

Two nights in a row?

Please, Serena. There's
something I want to talk to you about.

Talk.

Well, I want to sleep on it
and save it for tomorrow.

- Please?
- Shall we say... 8:00?

Good night.

Good night.

Samantha! Samantha!

I'm coming. I'm coming.

Oh! Oh!

Isn't he the living clumsy,
beautiful, mortal end!

Especially the clumsy part.

I, uh, peeked
through the staircase.

Oh! I've never known
anything like him.

It's so refreshing. I think
he's going to propose.

Congratulations. Now
comes the hard part.

- What?
- When you tell him
you're a witch.

Oh, I'll tell
him. I'll tell him.

My boy, if she really
loves you, it won't matter.

But I can't just come right
out and tell her I'm a warlock.

You'll find a way of
breaking it to her gently.

Lovely.

Well, here's to...
What shall we drink to?

How about... truth?

You took the word
right out of my mouth.

Truth.

And speaking of truth,
how do you feel about it?

Oh I... I think it's a virtue.

- Sometimes.
- Exactly.

Take me, for example.

Now, there are times when I
can be an awful little... witch.

Well, all women can.
But the important thing...

is that two people like each
other in spite of their shortcomings.

Exactly.

Yes.

May I tell you
something about mysel...

Sorry. You first.
Sorry. You first.

Could-Could we go inside?
It's rather chilly out here.

Well, yes, of course.

Oh, thank you.

This is such a warm,
human kind of room.

Wh-Wh-Why do you use
the word "human" so much?

It's as if you were hung
up on the human race.

I... I mean, there are other
things besides... humans.

There are birds and, uh...

Uh, vegetables... and bees.

There are lots of other things.

Yes, you're quite right.

Franklyn, look at me.

Don't take your eyes off me.

I wouldn't if I
could. Want to bet?

I'm here. Whe... Get it? Oh.

Now do you get
it? Get it? I've had it.

Oh, Franklyn, please, no.

No, no. Please don't go.

I... I mean, I'm
not really a witch.

I mean, I'm not a
witch all the time.

Most of the time, I'm...
I'm just a simple, sweet...

Explanations aren't necessary.

- Then you do understand.
- Understand?

Now do you understand?

Oh!

Oh, no! Oh, yes!

Oh, isn't it ironic?

You were looking for the
same thing that I was looking for.

Yes. Yes.

But, on the other hand, is my
being a... you know awfully important?

No. It really doesn't matter, because
you and I have so much in common.

Oh, so true.

And, when you come right down
to it, maybe it's better this way.

I mean, we won't have the, uh, usual
adjustment problems that most people have.

Oh, well, some adjustments.
Like what, for instance?

Well, if you'll take it in the
manner in which it's offered...

I'm all ears.

I mean, it-it... It could have
been simply due to nervousness.

Would you get to the point?

Well, it's this business.

In the social circle
in which I travel,

that would be
considered rather gauche.

I beg your pardon? Now you're
angry, and I was only trying to be helpful.

Go on.

Observe.

You see? Style, subtlety.

None of this waving of one's arms
about like a demented windmill.

Now, look here, buster,
you take that back.

Well, if you can't take
constructive criticism...

Demented windmill?

You call that
constructive criticism?

Well, let me tell you,

you-you road company Cary Grant.

I can "outsubtle" you
from now until doomsday.

- Really?
- Really.

Thank you for the champagne.
Oh, you're welcome.

I do hope you didn't
find it too gauche.

Not at all. Would
you care for some?

Delighted.

Ooh.

- Chicken!
- Serena!

Chicken.

Serena, why not leave
bad enough alone?

Because Grandma taught us... "If
at first you don't succeed, give up."

Never liked Grandma.

Excelsior! You're going to
be very pleased, my dear.

Hear what the man said?

That's also what Mr. Beams
of the Human Equation said.

I have here the
card of a gentleman.

And his name is
Franklyn Blodgett.

No. His name is Ted Perkins.

Now, if you ladies will
wait in the outer office,

I'll try to arrange the meeting.

Mr. Perkins? Mr. Lovelace here.

Oh, indeed I have,
Mr. Perkins, and she's lovely.

Uh, Mr. Perkins, no
criticism intended,

but would you
please try to repress...

that irrepressible
sense of humor of yours?

Mr. Perkins, please. Please.

Thank you, Mr. Perkins.