All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E20 Mrs. Stephens, Where are You

I'm coming!

- Are you the lady of the house?
- Yes.

Well, if you don't mind me
saying so, you're some looker.

I mean, most housewives
that open the door,

they look like they ought to be riding
their brooms instead of sweeping with them.

Careful. Some of my
best friends are witches.

If you've come about magazines,

we already take more
than we have time for.

No, no, no, no, no. You see,
it's about my trip to Europe.

You see, I just have to win
150 more points and then...

And the way to win more points
is to sell subscriptions, right?

Well, if you want
to put it that way.

You said it wasn't
about magazines.

It's not. It's about
subscriptions.

Oh, that's probably someone offering
me an absolutely free dance course,

which I can have for
only 24 easy payments.

Hello. Oh, hi, sweetheart.

I miss you too. You
in Boston already?

It seems we just
put you on the plane.

Everything all right?
You left what where?

A manila envelope on the front seat
of the car marked "Strothers account."

Yeah, well I'll get
'em to you in no time.

Of course, in a
plane, sweetheart.

- Yes. I-I promise.
- Bye-bye.

Hey.

Since your hubby's out of town,

what do you say me and
you go out on it tonight?

I'd love to.

What time do you want
to pick me up, honey?

Ooh.

Victoria, I want you to
come down here this instant!

Oh, do be a good
girl and come along.

Hello, Miss Parsons. Oh,
oh, hello, Mrs. Stephens.

You having trouble
with Victoria again?

Well, it's just that she's so dreadfully
good about getting up trees...

and so dreadfully bad
about getting down.

Victoria! Clever girl.

You learned to do it. Yes!

Hi there!

Gracious! Where
did you come from?

The stork brought me?

Serena...

Miss Parsons, th-this is my cousin,
Serena. Where did she come from?

The cabbage patch.

Now d-don't you pay any
attention to her. She's a real kook.

B-But she wasn't there,
and then suddenly she was.

N-Now, you know that's
impossible, Miss Parsons.

Your eyes must have
played a trick on you.

What to see me do it again?

- Here I am.
- Oh, dear.

- Serena.
- Well, what do you expect
of a kook?

It must be because I haven't been
taking my nerve medicine regularly.

Ohh, that must be it.

Now, Miss Parsons, why don't you run home
and fix yourself a nice pot of hot tea?

Oh, yes. Yes, I guess I'll do
that. Good-bye, Mrs. Stephens.

Good grief, Serena.

What a priceless antique.
Where did you get her?

Don't you make fun of her.
She's one of our nicest neighbors.

You've got to be kidding.

Ta-ta.

No, I am not kidding. I
admire Miss Parsons.

For what? For her
good, kind heart.

Why, she can't even
turn away a stray cat.

How devastatingly dull.

Which reminds me, how
long will Darrin be gone?

How did you know he was away?

Oh, I heard it on the wind.
Good news travels fast.

You know, you're not the only one around
here who can turn people into artichokes.

Blah.

Before we can have our
visit, I have to get this to Darrin.

Well, give it to me. I'll
zap it right into his hand.

No zapping. I promised.

How much longer do you
want the little princess to sleep?

- Oh, about an hour.
- So be it.

By that hourglass.

Swell. I don't suppose you
could have just turned it over?

Manual labor? With a
talent like mine? Never.

Serena, please promise me.

While I'm gone, no
more horsing around.

I'll promise something
better than that.

I'll tidy up the place for
you while you're gone.

Just read a good book.

Oh, I love it, Samantha.

And don't let anybody tell
you that color isn't becoming.

Did you do the dye
job all by yourself?

This happens to
be my natural color.

Oh, Darrin never told me
you were a bleached blonde.

Perhaps he didn't think it was any of
your business, whoever you may be.

Samantha, what's
gotten into you?

I'm not Samantha.
I'm her cousin, Serena.

Oh!

Oh, how do you do? I'm
Samantha's mother-in-law,

and I-I've come to
keep her company.

Oh. Well, she's
out on an errand.

A long errand. I'll tell
her you dropped by.

Why don't I just
come in and wait?

I don't expect
her back for hours.

Good. That'll give us
time for a nice long chat.

We see so little of
Samantha's relatives.

Tell me, are you a cousin on
her mother's side or her father's?

- Her father's.
- Oh, that's interesting.

We've never even met him. I mean,
we don't even know what he does.

Does? Nothing. He basks.

Well, how nice for him.
How did he make his money?

In the basement.

How amusing.

I'm beginning to find you
pretty amusing too, sweetie.

May I take your things?

Thank you.

Where's little
Tabitha? Upstairs.

I think I'll go up
and say hello.

Not now, if you don't mind. She
still has some time to go on her nap.

Oh. I was just
noticing that, um...

That's a rather
unusual hourglass. It is?

Yes. I don't think I've ever
seen one quite like it before.

Well, Samantha's
always had unusual taste.

In people too.

Darrin, for instance,
is extremely unusual.

Why, thank you, Serena. And
speaking of unusual people,

we have met Samantha's mother.

She's a very sweet person.

I wouldn't say that to her face.

Speaking of her face,
and just between us,

don't you think her makeup is a tiny
bit overdone for a woman her age?

I mean, she must be at least...

She admits to a thousand.

I deserved that.

What's so different is
that th-the sand goes up.

It's supposed to go down.

- Really?
- The law of gravity.

Does it make you
nervous, Mrs. Stephens?

If you want the truth, very.

Would you like me to stop it?

If you would.

Better?

No. No, I think it's worse.

How about some nice, reassuring
sherry? That would be nice.

Right behind you.

Help yourself.

I imagine Samantha keeps a little
sherry on hand for her Uncle Arthur.

Why would you think that?

Oh, don't misunderstand, Serena.

I think Samantha's Uncle Arthur
has a marvelous sense of humor.

It's just that his, uh...

His practical jokes are
sometimes so unexpected.

Don't you think perhaps
he, um, nips it up a bit?

Occasionally. Only
when he needs reassuring.

That's what I meant.

Perhaps if you covered it.

It's not dead, Mrs. Stephens.
Besides, I'm timing Tabitha's nap.

I worry about that
child. Tabitha?

I can be honest
with you, can't I?

Please do.

Well, Samantha wants to
keep this baby all to herself.

Of course, I wouldn't dream
of saying it to Samantha,

but she's being very selfish.

And perhaps someone other than
her mother-in-law should advise her.

For her own good? Of course.

And for Tabitha's. Why,
it would break my heart...

to see that darling child follow her
mother's example and grow up to be selfish.

That rips it!

Meow, meow yourself.

Samantha would never
forgive me if I left Tabitha alone.

Maybe some nice
dog will find her.

Stop that!

Stop that, you bad dog!
Leave that kitty alone.

Leave her alone,
now. I'm coming, yes.

Go on! Go on! Go.

Oh, you poor,
sweet little kitty.

Oh, that's a good girl.

Well, you do talk, don't you?

Well, maybe a nice saucer of warm
milk will help calm you. Come on.

We'll get you some milk.

♪♪

♪♪

Serena.

Serena, what are you trying to
do? Deafen the entire neighborhood?

I haven't heard any complaints.

Well, who can hear
anything over that?

♪♪

♪♪

- How's Tabitha?
- Fine. She's upstairs.

So, let's have some coffee.

And I will fill you in on what's
been going on in our world.

Endora is playing duets
on the sitar with Ravi,

and she's practically
taken over the guru.

He refuses to meditate
with anyone else.

Someone was here.
Really? Who was it?

Serena, stop
stalling. Who was it?

Oh, yes, your mother-in-law.
How could I possibly forget her?

She left without her
purse? Apparently.

Well, I'll call her at home and tell
her it's here, so she won't worry.

She's not home. Where is she?

Now, that is a good question.
But I have a better one.

Why not ask what is she?

Because I'm terrified to.

You're going to be thrilled.
I turned her into a cat.

You what?

A common alley cat.

Serena, how could you?

Because she had her
catty claws into all of us,

including dear Uncle Arthur, whom
she practically accused of being a tosspot.

No, no, don't thank
me. It was a pleasure.

Thanking you isn't
exactly what I have in mind.

You should have heard
what she had to say about you.

I don't care what
she... What'd she say?

I thought you didn't care.

I don't. Where is she?

Who cares? I do.

You're joshing. And she
has a husband at home.

Not often, I'm sure.

Serena, for the last
time, where is she?

I don't know where she is.

The last I saw, she ran out into
the patio and behind the fence.

- I'm going to look for her.
- Oh, what a pity.

- We won't be able to have
our little visit.
- That's right.

You're gonna stay
right here and wait,

and I'm gonna find Mrs. Stephens,
and you're going to turn her back.

And then, you are
going to blow out of here.

Oh, Sammy.

You used to be such fun
before you caught mortalitis.

Mrs. Stephens? Mrs. Stephens!

Yoo-hoo!

Oh, Mrs. Stephens.

Here's the combination for you.

A year of Liberty and two of
Collier's. And all for only $10.

Mrs. Stephens. Mrs. Stephens.

Mrs. Stephens? Mrs. Stephens?

- Mrs. Stephens?
- Oh, Samantha. Are you
looking for someone?

Well, you might say
so. May I come in?

Is your cousin with you?

- No.
- Oh, then of course.

What came over him? Well,
I haven't the faintest idea.

I was helping him win points by
subscribing to Liberty and Collier's.

I wouldn't feel
too sorry for him.

Those magazines haven't been
published for years. Oh, my goodness.

Miss Parsons, we have
recently acquired a pet cat.

Oh, lovely! Yes.

Well, it isn't too lovely at the
moment. You see, she ran away.

I thought maybe
she'd turned up here.

Well, as a matter of fact, a stray
did turn up here a while back.

Oh, good! Yes.

Which one is she?
Well, I can't really tell.

They look so much alike.

She meowed a lot
when she first arrived.

That would be the one. I'm
surprised you don't know your own pet.

Yes. Well, a-as I said,

I haven't had her very long,
and-and she's sort of a gadabout,

so I haven't seen much of her.

Maybe she'd come
if I called. Yes!

Mrs. Stephens.

Mrs. Stephens? An
odd name for a cat.

Tabitha named her.
After her grandmother.

Mrs. Stephens?

Mrs. Stephens, where are you?

- Hi.
- I don't know
what to mention first.

Your new hair, or the
remote control on the door.

I approve of both.

You're not so bad yourself.

Well, thank you. I came
here to pick up Phyllis.

Phyllis? Yes. My wife.
Your mother-in-law.

Oh, you're her husband. She
asked me to pick her up at 5:00.

Tell me, w-would you miss her...

if she sort of got lost?

Samantha, what are
you talking about?

I'm Serena, Samantha's cousin.

And I'm afraid that I like
to horse around sometimes.

Like now.

She's obviously not
gonna cooperate.

Cats can be difficult at times.

Cats and cousins.

Oh-oh, excuse me.
That's the back door.

Yes. Certainly.

Mrs. Stephens stays a cat. The
rest of you are pups... Like that.

Dear, this has been a day.

This morning, I was seeing
things. Now I'm hearing things.

I wonder when the
dizzy spells start.

Let barks be gone
and don't come back.

Instead of cats
we'll have no lack.

I could have sworn
I heard barking.

It must have been
outside. It sounded so close.

Oh, I see you found
Mrs. Stephens.

Yes. Thank you for taking
her in. Oh, my pleasure.

She can keep her little
bell. Oh, thank you again.

It's to warn the birds.

Miss Parsons, you seem
rather nervous. Are you all right?

Yes, dear. I-I think so.

But I don't ever remember
having a more bewildering day.

Oh, well, they
happen to all of us.

Try not to think about it.

Oh! Mr. Stephens,
I didn't expect...

Well, what a pleasant surprise.

- I came by to pick up Phyllis.
- Oh? Well, she...

She stopped to admire
the garden next door.

Ooh!

Oh, uh, n-nothing personal.
But I'm allergic to you.

Then you will get rid of
her... Won't you, Serena?

Reluctantly, coz, reluctantly.

I do hate to undo
such a good deed.

My, that sherry was strong.

Oh, is it 5:00 already?

Why, it's about half past.

My, this afternoon
has gone by quickly.

Oh, dear, I'd
forgotten about that.

Frank, will you come
and look at this?

Did you ever see such
an unusual hourglass?

No, I never have. It's enormous.

Is anybody else warm?

Phyllis, what is that
around your neck?

My bell, to warn the birds.

Your bell to warn the
birds? Did I say that?

It looks just like the
one the cat had on.

- What cat?
- The one who was here,

when you stopped to
admire the garden next door.

Garden next door?

Would you like some
of Uncle Arthur's sherry?

Yes. Yes, I think I would.

I-I'll pour it for
you. Thank you.

My, it's nice to know there's a
tosspot on Darrin's side of the family.

Evens things out so nicely.