All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E18 Samantha, the Bard

Sweetheart, do you know
where my slippers are?

Right there, my
sweet. By your feet.

That's cute. "Right there,
my sweet. By your feet."

That's what I said. Just
popped into my head.

Hey. You did it again.

Well, skiddy-skat, imagine that.

You're very poetic this morning.

Darrin, I hate to
burst your bubble,

but I think I'm in trouble.

You're in trouble? Whenever
I speak... every time...

My words come out in rhyme.

Sweetheart, are you
sick? No. I... I feel okay,

but my speech is astray.

Well, a-are you telling me you're
talking in rhyme because you can't help it?

That's right. You're bright.

Has this ever
happened to you before?

Never in my life. On my
word of honor as your wife.

Can't you say anything
that doesn't rhyme?

I can try, you handsome guy.

I'll bet your Uncle
Arthur put a spell on you.

It's typical of his warped
sense of humor. No.

No, he's not the one. He'd
pop in to watch the fun.

What about your mother?

Darrin, blood is
thicker than water.

She wouldn't do
this to her daughter.

Well, don't worry, sweetheart.

We'll find out what caused it.

In the meantime just stay calm.

There must be a logical answer,

or my name is not "Samanswer."

Tabitha, eat your eggs.
They're good for your legs.

Tabitha.

Are you still talking in
rhyme? You bet I am.

Would you like some jam?
Uh, no. I'll just have some coffee.

I'll pour it myself.

Frankly, sweetheart, all of this is
beginning to get a little bit on my nerves.

It's also getting on mine.

But I'm... I'm sure
that soon I'll be fine.

Have you been able to
get ahold of Dr. Bombay?

Whenever you're in poor condition,
you can never reach your family physician.

Why don't you give
him another try?

Calling Dr. Bombay.
Calling Dr. Bombay.

Emergency. Come right away.

Daddy, is Mommy sick?
Oh, no, dear. Mommy's fine.

She's just talking
funny. That's all.

Maybe Endora knows where he is.

- Or maybe she knows
what's wrong.
- Uh, Mother dear.

Please heed my call. Your
daughter's back is to the wall.

Sam, that's terrible.

Fiddledeedee.
It's no fun for me.

Good morning, Samantha.

Dear little Tabitha.

What do you mean
your back is to the wall?

I'm having trouble with my
words, and it's strictly for the birds.

She got up this morning talking
in rhyme, and she can't stop it.

She can't? How peculiar.

I summoned Dr. Bombay.
He didn't obey.

Dr. Bombay is on vacation.

Oh, fiddledeedee.
No doctor for me.

He's mountain
climbing in Switzerland.

He's on an alp
when I need "halp."

Oh, Samantha.

Rhymes, yes, but puns, no.

I'll find Dr. Bombay,

and I'll have him give
me a potion for you.

Oh, Mother. Your consideration
will be my salvation.

Mmm. There.

Oh, great galaxies.
Good-bye, darling.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

See you later, mater. Oh.

Well, I, uh, guess I'd
better get to the office.

I suggest that you stay home.

Don't answer the
doorbell or the telephone...

unless the phone rings
once, stops, then rings again.

As a code to let me know
how you're doing. Okay?

One ring. That's all.
Then I answer your call.

Mm-hmm. So long,
little sweetheart.

So long, big sweetheart.

Keep cool.

It's hard to keep cool
when you talk like a fool.

Frankly, Larry, I find your making social
engagements for Samantha and myself...

without consulting
me in bad character.

That's not bad character.
It's my character.

Darrin, this
dinner is not social.

It's a sugarcoated
business appointment.

A little food, a little booze
and a lot of business.

But why Samantha?

Mr. Durfee carefully
pointed out that Mrs.

Durfee wants to meet
the wife of the man...

who's personally
handling the account.

I don't like the idea of
Samantha being auditioned.

Why not? Sam makes
a great impression.

I prefer doing business
in a business environment.

And I prefer doing business
the way the client prefers it.

Darrin, call Sam and tell
her to line up a babysitter.

Hi there, sweetheart. I'm feeling fine. I
was cutting some roses from the vine.

Sweetheart, we're very close to, uh,
landing the Durfee Dog Food account.

In fact, Mr. and Mrs. Durfee have invited
us and Larry out to dinner tomorrow night.

Look. The door's open.

Gladys, that's
snooping. It is not.

Good-bye, sweetheart. I think I
"oughter" put the flowers in some water.

Mrs. Stephens, come back!

There. Are you satisfied? She's calling
the police to report you for illegal entry.

Our only choice is to apologize.

Mrs. Stephens, I
know you're angry,

but please give me a chance to tell
you how sorry I am for my wife's stupidity.

Mrs. Kravitz is a
frustrated international spy.

An open door to her is like a
bag of peanuts to an elephant.

I understand the psychology,
and I accept your apology.

Thank you.

Uh, we came to ask
you to sign this petition.

It's to install a traffic
light on our mutual corner.

A traffic light is right,
I'm sure. An ounce

of prevention is
worth a pound of cure.

You're talking in rhyme.

Uh, what is it? Some
new kind of a parlor game?

Yes. It's a parlor
game, and it's the most.

It's all the rage
from coast to coast.

I never heard of it. Neither
did I, but I'll give it a try.

Oh. That rhymes.

I did it.

For a beginner, you're a winner.

Come on, Gladys.
Play the game. Or else...

Or else... Or... Or else
of you I'll be ashamed.

Oh, Abner, stop it.

Uh, Mrs. Stephens,
may I have my petition?

Uh, Mrs. Kravitz, I sincerely
hope I didn't offend you,

and for your good
citizenship I commend you.

Abner, come.

She wouldn't try it even once,

because when it
comes to thinking fast,

on her feet she is a dunce. Oh!

Don't shove, my love.

Hi.

Hi, Daddy. Hi, Tabitha.

Hi, Daddy. Hi, sweetheart.

Oh, I had a close
call with Mrs. Kravitz.

She came uninvited...
One of her favorite habits.

Samantha, I'm sorry it took so long,
but Dr. Bombay wasn't in Switzerland.

He was mountain
climbing in Tibet.

I told him you have a
Venetian verbal virus,

and he said this
would knock it right out.

Hello. Uh, yes, Larry.

Change of plan. The Durfees
are leaving town tomorrow,

so our dinner
party's for tonight.

Tonight? I... I can make it,
but I'm not sure Sam can.

Uh, she has, uh, a little virus.

I know I didn't mention it
to you at the office, but...

Darrin, don't make waves.
I don't need to remind you...

that Durfee's Dog Food is
a two million dollar account.

Give Sam a couple of
aspirin. I'll pick you up at 7:30.

Change of plans. Our
dinner with the client is tonight.

Well, Samantha can't
go out tonight. She's ill.

I'm hoping... Boy, am I hoping...
She'll have a speedy recovery.

Well, Dr. Bombay assured me
that this potion works instantly.

Over the lips and past the gums,
look out tummy, here it comes.

Did it do the trick,
or am I still sick?

Oh, no. Sam, what
are we gonna do?

Oh, I know what I'll do. I'll return to
Dr. Bombay and accuse him of malpractice.

She went back to
call him a quack.

Sam, before dinner, if you
don't get rid of this thing,

everyone will think
you're a ding-a-ling.

Fiddledeedee. You sound like me.

Mommy, Daddy, is
something wrong?

Yes, dear. Something is wrong.
Would you tell me what it is?

You tell her. As one
W-I-T-C-H to another.

There once was a
mommy named Sam...

whose speech got her into a jam.

Though she tried not to
show it, she talked like a poet.

If you think I'm unhappy, I am.

That's funny, Mommy.

Sweetheart, I hope you're not
getting all dressed up for nothing.

In case I'm cured by a last-minute miracle,
I have to be ready, don't I, "dearacle"?

Sam, it's getting worse.
When Larry shows up,

I'm gonna tell him you're
in bed with a raging fever.

Honey, don't overdo. Just tell
him I've come down with a flu.

Sam, it's 7:25. He's
picking us up at 7:30.

Where's the patient?

I want to get back to Mount
Everest before sunrise.

Samantha.

Dr. Bombay is here.

Good old Mother.
She's like no other.

Let's go below
and start the show.

You know, Endora, there are
very few witches I would do this for.

Yes. I know, Dr. Bombay,
and we're deeply grateful. Hmm.

Oh, uh, Dr. Bombay.

Oh! Good evening, Doc.
What a pleasant shock.

Good evening, Samantha.
Evening, Darby. Durwood.

Just get on with it. Yes. Well, when Endora
told me my potion had failed to work,

I graciously volunteered
to come and examine you.

Well, can you do it in a hurry?
In five minutes we have to scurry.

Is that your only
symptom? Talking in rhyme?

Uh, yes. Plus emotional
distress. Mm-hmm.

Let me, uh...

Let me examine your
elbow. Her elbow?

Because it's centrally located.

You see, the elbow's
connected to the arm bone,

and the arm bone's
connected to the shoulder bone,

and the shoulder
bone's connected to the...

Forget it.

Hmm. Mm-hmm. Highly irregular.

She does not have
Venetian verbal virus.

She doesn't have
verbal virus at all.

That's what happens when
a layman makes a diagnosis.

What does she
have? I'll tell you...

after I take a look at her with
my amber corpuscular evaluator.

Which no home should be without.

Look. Spots.

Mm-hmm. Just as I suspected.
Secondary vocabularyitis.

- What causes it?

- We don't know, but
there's a lot of it going about.

Same family as verbal virus,
but the cure is completely different.

I'm going to give you
a sound wave injection.

Sorry.

Thanks.

Now say something, Samantha.

Speak. Well, what should I say?

Will my next sentence rhyme?

It didn't!

It worked! Darrin, I'm cured.

So I hear. Oh, Dr. Bombay.
How can I ever thank you?

Simply stay healthy
until I finish my vacation.

And now I bid
you all good night.

There goes a great doctor.

And a great warlock.

I always say show me an
executive with an intelligent wife,

and I'll show you an
executive you can trust.

I agree. 200%.

And your wife is not only intelligent,
she's also charming and attractive.

That's very gracious
of you, Mr. Durfee.

Well, now that we're through with the
compliments, what do we want to eat?

How about five orders
of Durfee Dog Food?

Mrs. Stephens, you said
that in a spirit of humor.

But there's more
fact to it than fiction.

Durfee's Dog Food uses
only the finest ingredients.

Lean, red hunks of pure beef,

fortified and enriched with...

That reminds me. When do you boys plan to
tell me about the new advertising campaign?

Oscar, please, don't
talk shop. This is a party.

She doesn't want to mix
business with pleasure.

Mr. Durfee, your
wife's a treasure.

Oh, that's cute.

I might as well warn you. I'm
going to be hard to convince...

that there's something
more effective than...

"Serve Durfee's Dog
Food to Rex and Rover,

and their eating
troubles will be over."

Please, let's
change the subject.

Where did you get that dress?

It was designed by François
Vale. I bought it on sale.

Sam, uh, what's
with the rhyming?

Who, me? Boop, doop, dee-dee.

"Boop, doop, dee-dee"?

- Say, who beside me is hungry?
- I am.

Me too. Fiddledeedoo.

- Sam, will you stop that.
- Me no can do. Wowdy-woo.

Let's order.

Sam, I know you're trying to
charm them, but don't press.

Mrs. Stephens, you've hardly
spoken during six courses.

And when she did, it
was always in rhyme.

Cute, huh? A little
game we play all the time.

But enough is enough. Okay, Sam?

I said, "Okay, Sam?"

Dear, don't you feel well?

I feel groovy.

Anyone seen a good movie?

There she goes again.

Mrs. Stephens, will you please
do me a favor and stop this?

Yes, Mr. Durfee. Purfee-wurfee.

Sweetheart, uh, isn't this a
good time to check the babysitter?

I'll be back in a jiffy.
Dinner was spiffy.

I'm revising my opinion.

About what? I'd rather not say.

Mother, the rhymes are
flowing like a fountain.

Tell me the name of
Bombay's mountain.

Mount Everest. He's
probably at the top by now.

The top of Mount Everest.

It's now or "neverest."

Eureka!

Samantha, you just made a
mockery of my entire accomplishment.

You're a naughty witch. Well, I... I'm
sorry, Dr. Bombay, but I don't feel so hot.

I think I need a
booster shot. You do?

I hate to be terse,
but it's getting worse.

Oh, yes. Definitely
a relapse. Hmm.

I must have miscalculated.

It's not secondary
vocabularyitis.

It's primary vocabularyitis.

I'll increase the dosage.

Oh. Sorry.

Now, say something.

How now brown horse?

Oh! Dr. Bombay, it worked!

Uh, forgive me
for bothering you.

Ah. I'm back.

And I won't rhyme
that with anything.

That's good, honey. Never
push a good thing too far.

Hope I didn't miss anything.

Not a thing. We've been
talking about Durfee's Dog Food.

I meant, um, we just started.

I was just saying...

a slogan that's been
with the company...

for three generations
isn't easily discarded.

Mr. Durfee, uh,

don't you really think that
jingles are, uh, outmoded?

Maybe yes. Maybe no.

I agree with you. That's
a very perceptive answer.

I think jingles have
become outmoded.

I... I just proved it to you by talking
in rhyme until you all got irritated.

Larry, weren't you irritated?

- No. Not exactly.
- I was.

- So was I.
- Well, come to think of it,

uh, you know, I was
kind of irritated too.

It was awful, and I
said it to demonstrate...

that how after a while jingles
can get on people's nerves.

Mr. Durfee, if you'll listen to my new
campaign with an open mind, I'm sure...

I'll listen.

I may lose an old
friend, but I'll listen.

Tate, let's drop off the ladies
and go down to your office.

I assume you have
some artwork to show me.

- Yes, sir. We do.
- Oh, please, allow me.

Oh, no. No. You're my
guests. No, no, no. I insist.

Very well, Tate. If you insist.

Thank you.

Just Larry's luck. With
the check he got stuck.

Sam! Don't worry,
sweetheart. I'm just kidding.

There you go. Good
morning, beautiful girls.

Good morning, Daddy.
How'd you sleep?

Magnificently... as
befits a man whose

advertising campaign
was approved by the client.

I can hardly wait to
see it on television.

Hello, Tabitha.
Hello, Grandmama.

Hello, Samantha.

Hello, Darius.

The pleasure of seeing
you is rather vicarious.

Sam, she rhymed.

Mother, say something else.

Why, that's absurd. I'll
not rhyme a single word.

Uh-oh. She has it.

Yeah. She does.

My beloved mother-in-law
has secondary vocabularyitis.

Primary.

This is absolutely outrageous.

You must have been contagious.

You probably
caught it last night.

I'll check with an amber
corpuscular evaluator.

Oh. Do I have
spots like polka dots?

Yes. Yes, I'm afraid you do. Oh.

Look, Mother. You sit down
and... and have some coffee.

And, uh, I'll get Dr. Bombay
as soon as breakfast is finished.

While he's here, I'll have him
vaccinate Tabitha just in case.

How about Daddy?

Well, Daddy's safe.

Mortals don't get
primary vocabularyitis.

Let's hear it for mortals!

Darrin.

Durwood, I do not
like the way you gloat,

so I'm turning you
into a billy goat.

Mother!

How could you? Like
this, my darling miss.

Well, you just turn him back.

I will. I will.

But when I'm
cured, and not until.

Oh, now, sweetheart.

Don't you worry. Just as soon
as I can, I'll get Dr. Bombay,

and everything will
be back to normal.

I want to ride the billy goat.

Tabitha, this is your father.

Funny Daddy.