All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E01 Samanthas Wedding Present

Mother, I'd rather do it myself.

Stop talking like a
dreary housewife...

and give your mama a kiss.

My...

aren't we in a mellow
mood this afternoon.

- How's Darrin?
- Who?

Your husband. Remember him?

That's the first time you've
gotten his name right.

Well, I've been thinking,

if I have to be saddled with
a mortal for a son-in-law,

I suppose he's as good as any.

Now, this is for you, darling.

I brought it from Paris,
fighting headwinds all the way.

- It's a wedding present.
- Whose?

Yours, of course, darling...
Belated, but sincere.

Let's see how it looks on.

Oh! It's cute. Wait till
you see the rest of them.

I brought a dozen. Mother!

Honey, I'm home!

Oh. Back in the box.

Oh, my stars!

See what happens when
you get out of training?

Hi.

Hi.

Endora, when did you swoop in?

Sweetheart, I have good news.

- Mother just stopped by to...
- What's that?

It's a present from Mother.

- What for?
- It's a wedding gift.

We were married five years ago.

Well, I wasn't
sure it would take.

I mean, why waste a perfectly
good spell on a bad marriage?

That's just what I mean.

We agreed not to have
any witchcraft around here.

We don't want anything
that you conjured up out of...

out of eels' eyes
and bats' wings.

Bats' wings? Eels' eyes?

One more remark like that,

and you'll get down on your
four knees and apologize.

Sweetheart, I really
think Mother deserves...

His four knees? He
will be a billy goat.

Oh, well, now,
now, wait a minute.

L-Let's not get carried away.

Try to understand, sweetheart.

Mother brought a gift.

Now, people give gifts
the way they know how,

and in Mother's...
Oh, stop it, Samantha!

I don't need anyone
to plead my case.

Oh! Now, are you satisfied?

Please try and understand
why I feel this way.

Oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho. Oh,
I understand perfectly.

Yes, you're a small, small man,

and I think it's just
about time you realized it.

Just once, I wish she'd leave
a room in the normal way.

I've never seen
Mother quite so upset.

She'll get over it.

I wouldn't make
any bets on that.

What can she do to me?

The possibilities are endless.

Endless? Well, uh,
let me put it this way,

Mother's bite is a lot
worse than her bark.

Sam, there's nothing
to apologize for.

I know we don't agree on this, but
you'll just have to go along with me.

Darrin, are you sure
you're feeling all right?

Honey, will you
please stop worrying.

Endora's probably forgotten
the whole thing by now.

Oh, I don't know.

One thing about Mother,
she never forgets a grudge.

I half expected to wake up this morning
and find myself married to a billy goat.

Nope. I think Endora
understands my position,

and... Hey!

What did the laundry
do to my shirt?

What's the matter with it?

The collar's too big.
They stretched it.

Well, that doesn't
sound like our laundry.

Their specialties are
over-starching and shrinking.

Well, I haven't got time to
change it now. Good-bye.

Um, take good care
of yourself, huh?

Look, as soon as I start to
sprout horns and a goatee...

I'll give you a...

I know you're up to something.

Hi, Darrin. Hi, Larry.

How's the layout coming?
Should be ready by tomorrow.

This should give
you a rough idea.

Oh, looks pretty good to me.

Perhaps, we should...
What's the matter?

It's, uh, nothing.

I thought I'd set up a meeting with
the client, show them these sketches...

Larry, why are you
staring at me like that?

Darrin, how tall are you?
Six feet, one inch. Why?

Well, that's strange. I'm 6'1".

Small world. Now, if the
client... We're the same height.

So? So, why does your head
only come up to my eyes?

You must be taller
than you think.

Darrin, you look beat. Why don't
you knock off for the day, hmm?

Thanks, Lar. I am kinda bushed.

I'll get a good night's
sleep tonight and then...

Laundry. What?

The laundry made a
mistake with my shirts. I see.

Losing weight? What?

I think you're right, Darrin.
You do need a good night's rest.

Maybe you should even...

Darrin, were you feeling okay
when you got dressed this morning?

Uh, what? Why don't you
take a couple of days off?

You've been working
hard. I can fill in for you.

It'll be no problem at all.

There you go.

Darrin, either you
have a lousy tailor,

or you're shrinking.

I gotta get home. Mr. Stephens.

Would you sign these letters
before you... I haven't got time.

I've gotta drive home while my
feet can still reach the pedals.

That's peculiar.

Abner! What is it now?

Mr. Stephens is
only four feet tall.

Samantha!

Oh, Mother shouldn't
have done that.

Don't just stand
there! Do something!

What? Make me grow!

Sweetheart, I can't.

What do you mean you
can't? You're a witch, aren't ya?

Uh, darling, you know I
can't undo Mother's spell.

Oh, sorry. How
stupid of me to forget.

N-N-Now, now, sweetheart,
just try and stay calm.

Calm? I shrunk six inches
in a crowded elevator.

How am I gonna
get back to normal?

Well, uh, you'll just have
to apologize to Mother.

For what? For daring
to stand up to her?

For having a
difference of opinion?

Darrin, you're really in no
position to debate the issue.

She had no right
to do this to me.

What difference does it make
who's right and who's wrong?

You're only four feet tall.

Where I come from, a man is measured
by his principles, not by his height.

- Darrin.
- No!

You listen to me.
If I give up on this,

I'll be giving up the right to
express my opinion in my own house.

No! I will not be bullied, not
by Endora or anyone else.

I will not compromise
my principles.

Um, I hate to say this,

but your speech would
be a lot more effective

if you were just
a teeny bit taller.

All right.

I am only four feet tall, but
at least I'm my own man,

and I'll win out over Endora
because she doesn't frighten me a bit.

I can take anything
she can hand out.

I hope so.

Ready for your
coffee, sweetheart?

No cream, I'm on a diet.

You're being ridiculous, Gladys.

Nobody shrinks
two feet in one day.

I saw it with my own
two eyes. You will too.

Well, what are you gonna do, knock at
the door and ask to see the house midget?

Of course not. I lay awake all
night thinking of a plan to get in there.

I tried to reach Mother.
She's being stubborn. Mmm.

And I called Larry, told
him you wouldn't be in today.

I just said you
weren't yourself.

Boy, that's the biggest
understatement of the year.

Aw!

Darrin, are you sure you're
warm enough in that handkerchief?

Well, it is a bit drafty.

That's something I can fix.

Thanks, honey.

I thought the vertical stripes
would give you more height.

Sam, I appreciate you
standing behind me like this.

Well, it's all part
of the bargain.

- Bargain?
- You know.

"For better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,

for taller, for shorter."

Sorry.

Oh, uh, I'll get
that. Don't go away.

- Where do you think
I'm going?
- Oh, you little dickens.

Hi, there. Hi, there.

Our dog got into your
backyard by mistake,

so, uh, we came to get him.

Oh? Well, uh, I didn't
even know you had a dog.

Oh, we just got him. He
was taking us for a walk,

and, uh, he got off the leash.

- Oh.
- We noticed Mr. Stephens didn't
go to work this morning...

Nothing wrong, I hope.

Oh, no.

No, he just didn't
feel... up to it.

Thanks for asking though.

Funny he should get sick. I
mean, he looked so healthy...

and tall. Gladys.

Uh, I'd like to ask you to stay
for coffee, but I really can't.

I'm awfully busy.
As a matter of fact,

I was just on my way out to pick
something up for Mr. Stephens.

Sure. We understand.

Darrin?

Darrin, where are you?

- He's not here.
- Who isn't here?

Your dog, of course.

Abner!

- What is it, Gladys?
- Your dog's gone.

I said he was in the
backyard, Mrs. Stephens.

Oh.

He's probably gone
on a scavenger hunt.

No matter what we feed
him, he always wants more.

This dog'll eat anything
that's not nailed down.

Sam! Sam!

Samantha, help!

This is the last load
this morning, Sam.

We'll take this stuff
down to the dump...

and then knock it
off for lunch. All right.

You take the crate, and I'll take
the rest of this stuff over here.

Sam! Yeah, what do you want?

I didn't say nothin', Sam.

No?

Mother? Mother, I'll give you just
three seconds to appear before me.

One, two, three.

You have done some
terrible things in your time,

but this time you
have gone too far.

I thought he needed
cutting down to size.

Mother, you make the Wicked Witch
of the West look like Shirley Temple.

Oh, well, all right. Perhaps
I did get carried away,

but he had no right to
behave so childishly.

Where is he? I'll
change him back.

Well, you see, that's just the
trouble. I don't know where he is!

It's even possible
that a dog ate him.

Oh! How positively amusing.

Mother! Oh, all right.

I know how upsetting it
is to misplace a husband.

Try not to panic. Suppose
he's had some terrible accident?

Hmm. Did you look in
the garbage disposal?

Mother, please!
Well, it's just a thought.

Durwood! Durwood! Come
out, come out wherever you are!

- I can explain all this.
- A leprechaun.

I found a leprechaun
in a bottle.

- Don't get upset.
- Who's upset?

It's a nice change
from them darn snakes.

Well, will you help
me out of here?

Not until you give
me me three wishes.

But I can't do that.

Look, Mr. Leprechaun,
I'm a fair man.

Now, you give me me three
wishes, and we're even-steven.

I give you me word
as a gentleman.

Oh, I believe you, but
it's not as easy as that.

On the other hand,

if I don't get me just rewards,
I'll squash ya with me boot.

All right! All right!

Take me to 1164
Morning Glory Circle,

and then we'll see
what we can do.

Fair enough.

Come on, little fella. Come on.

Hello, are you Mrs. Leprechaun?

- I beg your pardon?
- I've got your husband
in me pocket.

You have?

Not so fast.

We've some business
to discuss first.

A matter of three wishes.

Is he hurt? Oh,
please, let me see him.

Well, all right. You can
look, but don't touch.

- Cut little fella, isn't he?
- Darrin, are you all right?

Just give him his
three wishes, Sam.

You promise you'll let me
have my husband back?

Frank O'Hara never
welshed on a deal in his life.

All right, Mr. O'Hara.

What do you want?

For me first wish, I'd
like a new pair of specs...

Horned rims with gold screws.

One pair of
spectacles coming up.

That's wonderful.

Say, you're pretty.

Good-lookin' wife you
got there, little fella.

Get on with it, will
ya? It's hot in here.

Spunky little fella, isn't he?

For me second wish,

I'd like a new set of duds
with a purple waistcoat.

Got ya, Mr. O'Hara.

How do you do that? What?

Wiggle your nose
like that. Real cute.

It's a trade secret.
You have one wish left.

I'd like a Shetland pony.

A Shetland pony?

Aren't you a
little old for that?

Sam, don't try to psychoanalyze
him. Just give him his pony.

Ever since I was a little kid,

I wanted a Shetland pony... more
than anything else in the world.

And when I didn't get it, I
felt shunned by my fellow man.

I became a pitiful outcast.

Just because I
didn't get me pony,

I was a mess. Aw.

Sam, give him his pony!

I certainly like the
way you do that.

If you look in the driveway,

you'll find your third wish.

Just think, if someone would have
done that for me when I was a little boy,

it would've saved a wasted life.

Wait till I tell the boys
down at the mission house.

Well, you gave me
me three wishes.

Here's your husband.

Just like that? Hmm?

Don't you wanna know
where all the things came from?

Why should I? I look
upon these things as gifts.

Now, you don't ask where a gift
comes from, now, do ya, little fella?

I, uh... I suppose not.

Well, bye-bye, Mrs. Leprechaun.

Good-bye, Mr. O'Hara,
and good luck.

- Before I go,
I'd like to say one thing.
- What's that?

You two make a very cute couple.

- Now that's better.
- Know something, Sam?

For the first time,
I feel very small.

It takes a big man to admit
his mistakes, sweetheart.

That drunk was right. The truth is, if
anyone else gave you a wedding present,

I wouldn't ask how they
got it or if it was hot or...

Sam, I'd like to say
I'm sorry to Endora.

Can you call her?

As a matter of fact, she's here.

She's been helping me
search the house for you.

Mother! Mother?

- Figures.
- Mother!

Mother!

You didn't have to shout,
Samantha. I'm not deaf.

Where were you? If you hadn't have
shouted, I would've come right away.

Mother, Darrin has
something to say to you.

Oh, my, my!

I did quite a job
on him, didn't I?

May I say something?

Of course, this wouldn't
have happened...

if he wasn't so bigoted
and unreasonable.

- Look, if you don't listen to me, I'll...
- Yes, what will you do?

Punch me in the knee?

Endora, sometimes,
you're impossible.

I just wanted to say,
"I'm sorry. I was wrong."

Why on earth didn't
you say that before?

Thank you, Mother.

Nice to have you back with
the grown-ups, sweetheart.

Nice to be back.

Uh, Mother, now that
Darrin has apologized,

I think that you
owe him an apology.

Oh, very well.

I regret my slight
transgression of the other day,

but only because
my daughter insists.

That's an apology?
For Mother it is.

Now, if you'll excuse
me, I'm off to India...

to meditate with a guru.

I regret my slight
transgression of the other day...

Uh, Darrin. Darrin, please.

Don't worry about her.

Just remember, in the
words of Frank O'Hara,

we make a very cute couple.