Original subtitles

♪ Ain't the same old West ♪

♪ Everything has changed ♪

♪ Gone are all The shootin' cowboys ♪

♪ Who once rode the range ♪

♪ Swing has hit the West ♪

♪ You can guess the rest ♪

♪ Everything is topsy-turvy ♪

♪ Maybe it's all for the best ♪

♪ Rhythm rides The range today ♪

♪ Swing is here And here to stay ♪

♪ Banjo's strummin' Guitars hummin' ♪

♪ Rockin' in the Rockies ♪

♪ Every buckaroo and gal ♪

♪ Swingin' in the old corral ♪

♪ Cowhands dancin' Bronco's prancin' ♪

♪ Rockin' in the Rockies ♪

♪ Syncopatin' cowboys ♪

♪ Fling and sing as they ride ♪

♪ Jump and jivin' cowboys ♪

♪ With a yippee-ki-yay On the solid side ♪

♪ Range is filled with melody ♪

♪ Round-up time's a jubilee ♪

♪ No more shootin' Horns are tootin' ♪

♪ As they swing and sway ♪

♪ They're rockin' In the Rockies today ♪

♪ Syncopatin' cowboys ♪

♪ Fling and sing as they ride ♪

You think we ought to try it now? No, not yet.

♪ With a yippee-ki-yay On the solid side ♪

♪ Range is filled with melody ♪

♪ Round-up time's a jubilee ♪

♪ No more shootin', Horns are tootin' ♪

♪ As they swing and sway ♪

♪ They're rockin' In the Rockies today ♪♪

Now.

Just a minute there.

How many times do I have to tell you fellows...

Aw, give us a chance, Mr. Stanton. You'll never regret it.

We're the answer to the maiden's prayer.

But the maiden ain't praying now. Let's hear what they got.

Give them a chance. We'll surprise you.

All right, but just this once.

Good. Hit her up, Ken.

Hey, get him out of there! Whoa! Hey, get him out of there!

Oh, boys! Hey, get him out, boys.

Hah! Get up. Come on. Hah! Get...

Help me out! Yep.

Hey, take it easy. Get on the other side.

Take it easy!

What are you store dummies trying to do?

Wreck my place? Now get out of here.

Well, go on!

Too bad, boys, see you back at the ranch.

Better take those monkey suits off before the hands get a look at you.

No.

Don't forget to pitch that load of hay into the barn.

Look! In here.

It's all clear.

Well, gents, what'll it be?

We'll have a Tin Roof.

A Tin Roof?

With a little dash of paprika.

Here you are, gents.

Here's mud in your eye.

Well, so long.

Just a minute. Who's going to pay for the drinks?

Why, we don't pay for a Tin Roof. Why not?

Tin Roof, it's on the house.

Yeah.

Hey, George.

Number 19, odd and black wins.

Howdy, sheriff, looking for someone?

Yes, Shorty.

A couple of vagrants. I chased them all the way from the slaughter house.

Thought they ducked in here.

Your boss, Rusty, still up at the agricultural college?

Yeah, doggone it.

What's the matter? You hankering to go back to prospecting again?

That's the only life for me.

Now, if I could only get someone to stake me.

Well, I guess them varmints ain't in here.

So long. So long, sheriff.

He's gone. Come on.

Hey, wait a minute, I made a mental bet on the black.

I want to see if I won.

Twenty-five, red wins.

Doggone it, I lose again.

I thought I told you not to gamble.

It was only a mind bet.

Oh, in that case we couldn't lose a thing. I'm sorry.

Ha, ha. Well, that's fine.

I won all the chips in there, give me them.

Place your bets, folks.

Hey, what's the matter? You hamstrung?

Shh.

Give me that. It's mine.

You're too young for such things.

Besides, I saw it first.

You're on the double O, strangers.

Uh-oh.

And the double O wins. Congratulations, boys.

You're a lucky guy, believe me.

There you are.

Oh, chocolate chips.

Hey, you just ate up a buck's worth.

Buck nothing. Those things are worth $10 apiece.

Yeah? Yeah.

Come with me, I'll help you cash them in

before somebody else gets a chance to cheat you out of them.

Say, he's a lovely fellow. That he is. Yes, that he is.

Cash these in, please.

Lucky boys. It's great to get your hands on some cold hard cash.

Thank you.

I always say, rich or poor, it's nice to have money.

I always say.

Hey, that's ours!

Tut-tut, merely an opinion.

I know just how to settle this, boys. Come along.

Be seated, gentlemen.

Number eight. That's...

Hey, look at that guy, he gets rabbits out of his hat.

That ain't nothing, boys.

When I discovered the Shorty Number 1 mine,

I got $15 million out of a hole in the ground.

How much?

Eighteen million dollars, a real bonanza.

How about our money?

Aw, that's nothing but chicken feed.

Now, listen, what do you think would happen

if the sheriff got his hands on you?

I know. We'd go to jail. Well, then,

if you were to invest your money in a prospecting trip... Oh, for a grubstake.

I know a spot in them there hills

where I can dig enough gold to fill a spring wagon.

Thanks, mister, but we ain't got a spring wagon.

Now, let's have our money.

Very well, if you prefer the sheriff to get you.

Wait a minute, pal. What were you saying about gold in them there hills?

I know you were a couple of smart fellows.

As I was saying, I'll make you my partners.

You'll be property owners, and the sheriff can't touch you.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, what are we scared of? We got money.

You can't put us in jail. We got plenty of money.

Say, where is our money? Yes, where is it?

Why, we... He took it!

They're right, Zeke. Here's the money.

They've invested it in the Shorty Number 2 mine

and are now my partners. Ain't you, boys?

Are we? Well, are you?

Oh, sure, sure, sure. Sure, sure, sure.

Well, in that case, Shorty, I'll hold you responsible for them.

But have them out of town before tomorrow morning.

We'll be gone. And we'll take him with us.

We're partners. We're going prospecting.

We'll be rich. Success.

Success, success, success...

Boys, success.

♪ If you go upstairs, I'll go upstairs ♪

♪ If you go downstairs I'll go downstairs ♪

♪ I'll go upstairs, downstairs Upstairs, downstairs ♪

♪ Only to be with you ♪

♪ If you go outside I'll go outside ♪

♪ If you go inside I'll go inside ♪

♪ I'll go outside, inside Outside, inside ♪

♪ Doing the things you do ♪

♪ I'll never rest till I get ya ♪

♪ Because I love you so much ♪

♪ I'll be a pest till I get ya ♪

♪ Even though I get myself in Dutch ♪

♪ If you go upstairs I'll go upstairs ♪

♪ If you go downstairs I'll go downstairs ♪

♪ I'll go upstairs, downstairs Upstairs, downstairs ♪

♪ Haunting you constantly ♪

♪ Till you belong to me ♪

Hot diggity-dog, she likes me.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Be sensible, boys, she means me.

♪ Even though I get myself in Dutch ♪

♪ If you go upstairs I'll go upstairs ♪

♪ If you go downstairs I'll go downstairs ♪

♪ I'll go upstairs, downstairs Upstairs, downstairs ♪

♪ Haunting you constantly ♪

♪ I'll go upstairs, downstairs ♪

♪ Inside, outside ♪

♪ Haunting you constantly ♪

♪ Till you belong to me ♪♪

Boy, oh, boy, did she go for me in a big way.

It's me, you sap.

Now, now, remember one thing, partners.

Women is the root of all evil.

Give me some more root.

Hey, give me a hand with this trunk, will you, June?

Yes, Betty.

I told you not to buy all this western stuff.

But he was such a divine salesman.

So virile, so handsome and so tall.

You should have brought him along to close the trunk.

I tried to, but he was married.

What are you gonna do with this stuff on Broadway?

Who knows? One might meet a cowboy.

Girls. Are you decent? Come on in.

Hello, Mr. Stanton. Hello.

I'm sorry you didn't get over the way we expected, girls.

Oh, it was a long jump for such a short engagement.

Here's your money.

Because of the convention in town, I couldn't get your train reservations.

No reservations?

Well, what'll we do? We've already given up our hotel rooms.

The only thing I can suggest is that you go to the station

and take your chances.

I wouldn't mind sitting on a drummer's lap all the way to New York.

Any lap.

Would you please see if you could get us

other accommodations until we can leave?

I'll do my best.

How do you do? And I do mean you.

There you are, lady. Oh, thank you.

Well, don't I get any?

These are for you.

May I present my two partners, Larry and Curly.

Well, who are you?

Shorty Williams is the name. At your service.

At heart, a mining man, a prospector.

Discovered the Shorty Number 1 mine, worth $20 million.

On the side, I run a cattle ranch.

Twenty million dollars? Well...

Betty, don't you think we'd better get packed and going?

Going? Where to?

We don't know.

The trains are crowded and we've given up our rooms at the hotel.

Why, you say you have no place to go?

And we don't even know when we'll get there.

Say, why don't you folks come out to my ranch?

I've got plenty of room.

Oh, thanks, but we've got to look for new jobs.

Jobs? Why, if it's money you want, there's nothing like prospecting.

I've seen fortunes made over night.

Really? Yeah, a thousand of them.

It sounds positively divine.

I can wear my Western outfit.

Speaking of outfits, don't you think you'd better get your trunk packed?

Oh, yes. Would you mind closing the trunk for me?

Oh, anything for you, ma'am.

Get busy and close that trunk.

Get busy and close that trunk.

Get busy and...

Hm! Low man again.

Hurry up!

Well, girls, what do you say?

Well, thanks for the invitation, Mr. Williams, but...

Don't get me wrong. What I had in mind was letting you girls in

on a business proposition. Yes?

Yes. The government's crying for minerals

and I'm aiming to get up a prospecting party.

Oh, I just love parties.

Yes, and this one's gonna be a humdinger.

I want you two to share in my luck.

That's very kind of you, but I don't think that...

If it'll make you feel better, you could invest a small sum

in my new venture. I call it the Shorty Number 2.

All we have is $75 each. Will that be enough?

Sure.

I don't need money, I've got plenty. But as I said...

Yes, I know, you'd like us to share in your luck.

Thanks again, but we're entertainers, not miners.

Sorry, girls, but there isn't a vacant room in all of Reno.

Well, we simply can't camp out at the railway depot.

No, I suppose not.

Well, Mr. Williams, I guess you've got yourself two new partners.

You'll never regret this. Now, you girls get ready

and I'll be back at the stage door in 20 minutes with a station wagon.

By the way, where are those other two partners of mine?

Looking for us?

Don't we look cute?

Yes, sweetheart.

Get those things off. Get that trunk packed in a hurry.

We're heading for the ranch.

Hmm, so this is what you call a ranch house.

Yep. How do you like it?

It's more like a pawn shop. It's awfully messy.

What it needs is a feminine touch to make it livable.

You're right, Betty.

Somebody ought to clean out all this stuffy junk.

That's a good idea. Let's do it right now.

Oh, but Rusty... I like this stuff, and he'd never stand...

Who's he? Oh, Rusty, uh...

He's a no-account cousin of mine. Oh.

He's an awfully good looking no-account.

Yes, ma'am, and he wouldn't like you changing the place around.

Well, you're the owner, aren't you? What's he got to say about it?

I gave him a small interest in the ranch.

Where is he now? In agricultural college.

Oh, then in that case, he'll come back to a decent place to live.

When we get through with this place, you'll never recognize it.

That's what I'm afraid of. Run along now, Shorty.

Betty, call the muscle men.

Did you call us?

I thought we left you in the bunkhouse.

That's the bunk. We'd rather be in here with you.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Get these saddles and trophies and the rest of this junk out.

- We're going to clean house. - Right-#!

- Well, come on, get going. - Yes, ma'am.

- Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. - Yes, ma'am.

Hey, wait a minute. What's the matter?

Don't' you touch Philbert.

Rusty had more trouble shooting him than the others.

He wouldn't have got me then if I hadn't tripped.

Hm.

What's that?

Let's find out.

What's the big idea of fooling with our belongings?

Get away from there. Beat it!

Ah, more men. You all live here?

Yes, ma'am. We're the cowhands.

I didn't know cows had hands.

Ha, ha, ha. Be you the new help?

No, we're the new partners. Where y'all from?

New York. We're show people.

Show people. Now, I recognize you.

We heard you sing last night at the Wagon Wheel.

Yeah? When you going back?

Soon, I hope. Did you hear that, fellas?

Say, maybe you could get us an audition.

We make music, and we'd just like to get on Broadway.

Would you like to hear us?

Go on. Sure, go right ahead.

♪ When the music Gets a swingin' rhythm ♪

♪ And you do your best To stay right with 'em ♪

♪ Your ears start ringin' Just keep singin' ♪

♪ Skee-dee-waddle-dee-waddle-doo ♪

♪ When you're dancin' With a little blond ♪

♪ Who tries to make you Say the well-known "I do" ♪

♪ Just don't listen You might be missin' ♪

♪ Skee-dee-waddle-dee-waddle-doo ♪

♪ Say, this song is screwy Most of it's hooey ♪

♪ The words don't mean a darn thing ♪

♪ But you can sing it Oh, how they swing it ♪

♪ It's got a certain syncopatin' rhythm ♪

♪ If you're feelin' kind of blue And low down ♪

♪ And you feel as though You have to slow down ♪

♪ Keep your spirit Let me hear it ♪

♪ Skee-dee-waddle-dee-waddle-doo ♪

Don't mind him, girls, his mother was scared by a cuckoo clock.

Hey, my whistle. Gabe, you got my whistle?

Yeah.

♪ If you're feeling kind of blue And low down ♪

♪ And you feel as though You have to slow down ♪

♪ Keep your spirit Let me hear it ♪

♪ Skee-dee-waddle-dee-waddle-doo ♪♪

Say, you boys have something. You're hot.

We call ourselves the Hoosier Hotshots.

Think you can get us an audition? Oh, it's in the bag.

Hear that, Hezzie? We're a success.

Hooray! When do we open at the Palace?

The Palace? Are you kidding? Say, we'll discuss that later.

In the meantime, could you boys give us a hand

in cleaning up this place? We sure could.

And how! Just watch our smoke.

Oh, boys, come here.

Get this horrible thing out of here.

Get out of here, you're scaring the lady.

What's the matter with you? No, no, this.

Ah!

What is it?

Say, that looks like my Uncle Stanislaus.

No, your Uncle Stanislaus has got a mole on his cheek.

Yeah, he got a... Oh, it's a moose.

So that's a moose.

Hey, I shot a moose once,

and the little meesies, with the ear muffs, they were cute.

Shut up! How are we gonna get it down?

I got it. I'll boost you up.

Turn me around, stupid.

Curly, come here and give me a hand.

Certainly.

Hey! Hey, Curly! Help! He's got me! Back him off!

Grab him by the tail! Somebody, help!

Whoa.

Sure feels good to see the ranch again.

What made you come back so soon, Rusty?

I had to come here to meet a man.

I've been trying to sell him an interest in my ranch.

I didn't know you was that broke.

A 50-dollar bill would look like manna from heaven.

I'm what they call land poor, Hank. Shorty expecting you?

No, I thought I'd surprise him.

I kind of got an idea you're the one that's going to be surprised.

Huh?

Well, I'll be seeing you. Giddyap! Giddyap!

Hup!

Hey, why don't you look where you're going?

Pardon me.

Huh. A tenderfoot, eh?

Well, Shorty and I don't like tenderfeet.

Shorty? Yeah, that's the owner.

And he'd better not catch you around here,

or we'll be forced to throw you out.

Why, for two pins, I'd toss you over that fence.

Hey, are you serious?

Yes, I'm serious.

That's what I thought.

I'll keep up till I get killed around here.

Another man. What did you say, Betty?

Well, what in the world are you doing lying down there

when there's work to be done? Get up and help.

You cowboys are the laziest, untidiest people.

It's the no-account cousin.

Why, so it is. What are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

What in thunder is going on anyway?

Where's that Shorty?

Hey, June, can't we make a bonfire out of all this rubbish?

Hello, Rusty.

Who are these girls and all these men?

Well, they're friends of mine.

You see... June, did you meet...?

We've already met your no-account cousin and he's...

Now, look here, miss.

You shouldn't have called him that. He's the owner of the ranch.

The owner? Yes, the owner.

And do you mind telling me why I find a three-ring circus on my ranch?

Oh, now, hold on, Rusty. I can explain everything.

They're prospectors, they're doing a government job, finding minerals.

They're paying their keep and cleaning the house, besides.

So I see.

But it happens I like the way the house was.

Tell these people to vamoose.

Say, listen, you. You said this was your ranch.

And you took all our money and said we were your partners.

So up to your old tricks. Give them back their money.

Well, I couldn't do that, Rusty, I, uh... Why?

Well, I sort of spent it on mining equipment.

And we're not leaving without our money.

Don't worry, we're all leaving tomorrow morning

for a two-week prospecting trip. That's something.

But before you go I want you to put everything back where you found it.

What, all this junk?

Yes, all. And it's not junk!

And you'd better see that it's done!

Okay, Rusty.

- Hey, cut it out. - Rusty!

What in thunder do you rannies think you are, anyway?

We're the chamber maids. How do you like us?

Chamber maids. I'll chamber maid you.

Miss June, do you know this song?

♪ Somewhere along the trail ♪

♪ I always knew ♪

♪ Knew that I'd find ♪

♪ Someone like you ♪

♪ Somewhere along the trail ♪

♪ Our love would start ♪

♪ I'd look at you ♪

♪ And lose my heart ♪

♪ I used to stop ♪

♪ And then look for you ♪

♪ And go on again ♪

♪ My heart said I'll say when ♪

♪ It kept saying How near you are ♪

♪ And here you are ♪

♪ Someday we'll realize ♪

♪ My heart was wise ♪

♪ We'll find it wasn't wrong ♪

♪ Somewhere along the trail ♪

♪ I used to stop And then look for you ♪

♪ And go on again ♪

♪ My heart said I'll say when ♪

♪ It kept saying How near you are ♪

♪ And here you are ♪

♪ Someday we'll realize ♪

♪ My heart was wise ♪

♪ We'll find it wasn't wrong ♪

♪ Somewhere along the trail ♪♪

It's going to be a saddle blanket.

Hi, boss. You see that hombre you were supposed to meet?

No, he hasn't shown up yet.

Well, maybe he will tomorrow.

Had supper?

Well, we'll get you some right away. Come on.

You have a very nice voice.

Well, you are human after all.

I'm sorry I was so rude this afternoon. But, I...

Well, I should be the one to apologize.

After all, if I found a lot of strangers upsetting my home

I'd be a little angry too.

We didn't know you were the owner.

Let's forget it. Everything's back in place, and...

Oh. Well, then you haven't seen the living room yet?

No. Why?

Oh, then you better come inside and have a look.

Well?

I'll be doggone.

It sure looks a lot better than it did before.

Thanks, I was hoping you'd like it.

Drapes and everything.

What's the matter? My deer head, where is it?

Oh, you mean Philbert?

I had the boys throw it out in the barn. You did what?

Well, I... That head was my prize trophy.

Well, stop shouting. I'm not deaf.

Who's shouting? You are. I didn't...

Now, look here, miss, I've had that head more than five years.

Why, there's history behind that. Yes, and mice too.

And it's moth-eaten and full of fleas and...

It was?

Yes.

But if you want it back, I'll see that you get it.

Please don't go. I'm sorry.

I guess it was pretty frowsy, at that.

You know, I've never spent much time in here,

but you've done wonders with it. It looks like a home.

Hi, pal. I'm Larry.

I'm Curly.

Our slightest desire is your wish.

I wish I had a hamburger with onions.

Quiet. You know I don't like onions.

Won't you sit down? This is such a cozy place,

so we want you to feel to home.

Hey, cut it out.

Congratulations, pal. You hit the jackpot.

Have a cigar. I don't smoke.

Glad to hear that. Nasty habit. Stops you from growing.

I've stopped growing.

Wait a minute. His boots.

Aye, aye, admiral.

Oh!

Why, you. I'll murder you! No, no. Please, no.

There's no reason for this.

Knock me down, will you?

Unh!

Now, get out of here before I brain the both of you.

Weren't they funny?

Very funny.

I've had enough of you and your crazy friends.

Tell them to clear out before they wreck the ranch.

We're leaving in the morning.

And you fellas hit the hay. We're rounding up the herd tomorrow.

Good night.

I beg your pardon. We forgot to say good night.

Sweet dreams. Get out of here, you two, or...

Ugh!

Come on, boy.

Hi-ho, Rover!

Come on. Hurry. Yeah! Yeah!

Whoa, whoa!

Whoa. Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa. Whoa, boy. Whoa.

This is it, all right.

Yeah, I know. But how are we going to get the saddle on the horse?

You would think of that.

Well, Shorty, how do I look?

Don't mind, Jasper. He laughs at anything. Ha, ha, ha.

Oh, yeah? Well, what are you laughing at?

Oh, don't mind me. You know, Jasper and I are alike in a lot of things.

Only your ears are shorter. Yeah.

I resemble that last remark. Oh, yeah?

Hey, break it up. Break it up. Aren't we ready to leave?

Yes, ma'am. Come on, boys, we're pulling out.

Be with you in a minute. Would you boost me up, please?

I certainly will. Thank you, sir.

And now, do you mind giving me a boost up, please?

With pleasure.

I wonder if we're doing this right, Larry old boy.

I think you've got something.

There must be a better way to get on a horse.

Now, let me think.

I got it!

Wait a minute. Every time you got it, I get it.

Now, now, no more of your double-talk.

Would you mind getting down on your hands and knees?

Not at all, sir. Not at all.

Oh.

There.

Now, how am I going to get up?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Ain't I the thoughtless one, though?

That you are, sir. Yes, that you are. Yes.

I'll say that for you. That you are, sir.

Yes, I'm beginning to believe that.

Now, how am I going to get up?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Thank you ever so much.

Say nothing more about it.

Whoa. Which way you boys going?

This way! I thought so.

Here, you won't feel so crowded if you each ride a horse.

We like it this way. It ain't so lonesome.

Nitwits. Oh, thank you.

Lovely fellow, ain't he?

Oh, that he is, sir. I guarantee that, yes.

Yes.

Hey, Shorty, wait for me!

Wait for me!

How are we gonna get through the fence, Larry?

There ought to be a way. We got brains.

Have we?

Why don't we use our heads?

That's a good idea.

What we need is a pair of nippers.

Where'd they come from?

Oh, why worry about where they came from.

Go ahead and use them.

That's right. Why should we worry where they came from?

First thing you know, that horse will say he won the Kentucky Derby.

He's lucky. I had to buy mine.

Ha, ha. Start cutting. Come on.

Whee.

Hey, Rusty, they're gone! Wake up!

Indians? We're surrounded.

They went thataway! What happened?

The herd has disappeared.

Saddle up.

Wonder how they got away.

Must have been rustlers.

Look, Rusty.

Rustlers, just like I said. Well, they won't get away with it.

See if you can pick up the trail over there.

Bob and Jim, you come on with me.

What's going on? What are you doing?

What's the baby rocker for? I want to see if we got pay dirt.

You mean, people actually pay for this dirt?

No, they pay for the metal that's in the dirt.

Oh. Well, if they pay for the metal, why fool around with the dirt?

Look, Betty I'm looking for the metal that hides in the dirt.

Oh, Hide and Go Seek.

Well, if you ask me, it's all very silly.

I didn't ask you. I...

Now, you better rock this thing for a while, before I forget I'm a miner.

Oh, you're older than that.

Hey, wait a minute.

What are you trying to do, kill this guy?

Hey, why don't you mind your own business?

Go ahead, Larry.

When you strike oil, let me know.

Howdy, stranger. Good morning.

I wonder if you could direct me to the Williams Ranch?

Oh, an Easterner, eh?

That's right. My name is Sam Clemens.

Say, you must be the hombre Rusty's been expecting.

You're right again.

Rusty's not at the ranch now. He's out rounding up the herd.

If you head straight thataway, you can't miss him.

Thanks.

Well, let's get back to work.

Hey, that's a pretty hard one for you to crack, eh?

Yeah. Ha, ha, ha.

There's the cattle.

There's one of the rustlers.

Reach for the sky, mister. Where's the rest of the gang?

What are you talking about?

Don't give us any of that "what are you talking about" stuff, you rustler.

Better talk while you've still got a chance.

But I'm not a rustler.

Then why'd you high-tail it when you seen us coming?

I thought you were outlaws.

Did you hear that, fellas? He thought we were outlaws.

Now, listen here, you're making a bad mistake.

I was on my way to... You can tell that to the sheriff.

Get on your horse, and don't make a false move.

And in my hurry, I left my wallet in my other clothes.

That's sure an old one.

I tell you, I am Sam Clemens.

I was on my way to see Mr. Williams when these fools...

He's lying by the clock, sheriff.

Why, you... Hold on, mister.

Maybe you are Sam Clemens and maybe you're not.

I'm going to lock you up till you can prove you're not a rustler.

I ain't had a chance like this in 30 years.

But... Come on, Mr. Clemens.

Well, how about a drink, fellas?

Swell. My tongue feels as dry as sandpaper.

What'll it be, gents? Bottle of sas.

Me too. Make mine ginger ale.

I'll have a Tin Roof.

A Tin Roof? A Tin Roof.

What's a Tin Roof?

You'll see. Curly told me about it.

Tin Roof.

Here you are.

Down the hatch.

What was that? A Tin Roof. It's on the house.

That house was on fire. Water.

Have you heard the news, Stanton? Tom Trove is in town.

Tom Trove. The famous Broadway producer?

Yeah.

Say, maybe he can give me a line on some new talent.

Where is he stopping?

At the Frontier Hotel, under the name of Travis.

Boys, here's our chance to make Broadway.

Hey, where are you going with those instruments?

Oh, no, you don't.

Please, Mr. Stanton. You don't know what this means to us.

Here, take... Take my watch for security.

My wallet too.

My scout knife.

Uh...

Mee.

Mee-mee-mee. Ahem.

Mee-mee-mee. Ahem.

♪ I dreamed of Jeannie With the light brown hair ♪♪

Oh, stop it, stop it. Get out of here.

But I haven't finished, Mr. Trove. There's more to it.

You have, as far as I'm concerned. I'm really very good. If you'll...

Be really very good and get out.

Look, I came out here to get away from acts and actors.

I'm a sick man. My nerves are all shot to pieces.

I'm sorry. I can understand exactly how you feel.

Oh, that's fine. Now, see that I don't have any visitors.

I must have peace and quiet.

You can rest assured, Mr. Trove, that nothing will disturb you.

Oh, thank you. Now, you just trot along and do as I say.

No, no, no, you can walk normally.

Or can you?

♪ I dreamed of Jeannie With the light brown hair ♪♪

I wonder where that clerk got to?

Here he comes now.

Ah, what can I do for you gentlemen?

We want to see Mr. Trove.

Trove? Trove?

None of that far-away stuff, now.

He's here under the name of Travis.

I'm sorry. Mr. Trove... Uh, Mr. Travis is seeing no one.

But, listen, mister...

I have strict orders not to let anything or anyone disturb him.

Oh, have a heart, will you?

All we want is a chance to let him hear us. We're good.

So am I. But he wouldn't even listen to me,

and I'm quite sure you don't have a chance.

Well, I guess that's that.

Go away. Quiet!

Quiet! Go away.

Help.

Will you get from under my window. Stop that racket. I want to rest.

Quiet! Quiet! Stop that racket. Quiet!

♪ We must be ever so Ever so quiet ♪

Shh, shh, shh.

Quiet.

♪ Don't make a noise It may lead to a riot ♪

Quiet. Shh.

Quiet.

♪ Can't you hear The tick of the clock? ♪

♪ Dickory, dickory, dickory, dock ♪ Help. Police. Help.

♪ We must be ever so Ever so quiet ♪♪

- Quiet! - Quiet!

- Pipe down! - Quiet!

Doggone it. If he'd only listen to us, we'd go places.

Well, he sure give us a good start with that hose.

We might as well go on back out to the ranch.

Hey, wait a minute, I got an idea. You and your ideas.

But this is good.

I'll listen, only because I got nothing better to do.

June and Betty must know Trove. They came from Broadway too.

Maybe they'll help get us an audition.

That's a real brainstorm, Hezzie.

Let's get on out there.

Sure, what are we waiting for? Sure. Let's go.

Now, if you girls can see Trove

and get him to give us an audition, we'll team up with you.

We'll have an act that ought to go over big.

What about us? We're terrific.

That's fine. You're in too.

Well, how about it? What have we got to lose?

It's a deal, partner.

Start packing, boys, we're heading for town.

Say, you can't desert me like this. Oh, who's deserting you?

You're going with us, handsome. Handsome?

Uh-oh.

We've got great news, boss. The chance of a lifetime.

Yeah, we're heading for Broadway. Broadway, eh?

Is that where you expect to find those cattle rustlers?

Gosh, we forgot to tell you, but we found the cattle.

And captured one of the rustlers. Took him to the sheriff.

And you know what? He had the nerve to tell Zeke

he was a mining man, on his way to see you.

- Ain't that a laugh? - Ha, ha, ha.

A mining man? What was his name?

You boys remember what it was?

No, but it's got something to do with the Mississippi.

I got it. It was Mark Twain.

Mark Twain?

You don't mean Sam Clemens, do you?

Same thing, ain't it? Ha, ha.

Why, you addle-pated, hare-brained nincompoops.

I ought to shoot the lot of you.

That was the man I've been waiting to see.

What's the matter with him? Who cares?

What are you putting those rocks in your pocket for?

To make myself heavier, so I won't bounce on the horsy.

Not a bad idea.

I'm awfully sorry what happened this afternoon, Mr. Clemens, but...

Keep your apologies, and your ranch.

I don't want any part of it. But I...

Mistaking me for a rustler.

I'm going right back East where folks are civilized.

Well, Rusty, it looks like your plans have blown sky-high.

Not yet, they haven't.

I'll make that guy listen to me if it's the last thing I do.

Those gals have been up there about 10 minutes now.

I bet they sell him.

Uh-oh, we'll find out, now.

Well? Did you see him?

No, but we talked to him through the door.

What did he say? Plenty.

He said he came here to get away from the likes of us.

He gave us that old peace-and-quiet routine.

Peace and quiet, eh?

Well, I'll see that he gets it. I've got an idea.

You too? Yeah.

And everything depends on you boys. On us?

Please, now, don't start that. Don't start depending on us.

No, don't do that. Now, look.

You guys have got to help me.

Oh, no, we won't. Quote.

Unquote. Ooh!

Sheriff! Is there a sheriff in the house?

Wait a minute, we were only kidding.

What do you want us to do? Come on.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Take hold of your ear. Come on.

Oh, wait a minute, please. I've got something in my shoe.

All ready.

Shh, shh, shh.

Bless you, son. Thank you, sir.

Who are you? What do you want? What does this mean?

Now, take it easy, pal. Lock that door.

What are you locking that door for?

To keep the termites in. Termites?

You don't want them to escape, do you?

Now, you listen... Now, look.

We're termite exterminators, see.

Take it easy. You're not disturbing us at all.

But gentlemen, gentlemen.

Who came in? I guess he's talking to us.

Ignore him. Get to work.

Very efficient men.

Hey, Shorty, come here.

What's the trouble? What's that?

Why, it's a Iopadaphus. No.

Yeah, and the female of the species. Very destructive.

Knock her brains out.

Good work.

Hello? Yes, I know that.

Who was that? Somebody's trying to kid me.

Says it's a long distance to Chicago.

That's the call I put in.

Oh, boy, there's a million of them.

Get out of here. Hey, cabbage-head.

This place is loaded with royal ingenzomen.

And we've gotta locate them.

On the scent.

That's enough rest, up and at them.

That's a boy, he found them.

Just as I thought, seem lizards. What do you mean "seem lizards"?

Seems like they ought to be in there. Get the tools.

Now, you just sit there. We'll cut around you.

What?

Ugh. Ow!

What's the idea of stabbing me in the back when I ain't looking?

Hey, how dare you hit my pal. Give him a couple of words.

Come on.

Oh, something to try and get away with, eh?

Tell it to him. Get away!

I dare you, try that again. Yeah, I dare you, try it.

Unh! By golly. He did it.

Stop it. Stop it, will you? I'm going crazy.

Don't brag, we're nuts already. We gotta look for blyfarse.

Ah, let them look for us.

Ha, ha! Ho, ho!

Hee, hee!

No use, boys, his head is stuffed with vonson.

We'll have to blast. Blast?

Get the dynamite. Yeah. Dynamite? No, no.

Why you stupid, bungling maniacs. You know what I ought to do?

Take this dynamite and blow you to pieces.

Ha, ha. Not with that one, that's a phony.

I forgot to tell you, I couldn't get the phony.

That's a real one. Yeah, that's a real...

Ah! Ah!

Uh!

Come in, come in, come in.

Yes, yes, come in, whoever you are.

What's all this ruckus about? They think I've got termites.

They're mad. Stark, staring mad.

Keep your shirt on, mister, we'll protect you.

Hit the trail, you varmints.

Please don't shoot. We're leaving.

Whoa!

Why should everything happen to me?

I come here for a rest and all I get is noise and termites.

Why can't I have some peace?

We got just the place for you, stranger, out on our ranch.

We'd be glad to have you stay with us,

but it's out of the way and awfully lonesome.

Oh, lonesome. It can't be too lonesome for me.

In that case, throw your duds together and we'll take you with us.

Oh, thank goodness you girls came.

I'll be dressed in a few minutes. Wait for me in the lobby.

Tell them to send up a bellboy for my bags.

Now, don't go away. I'll be right with you. A ranch. A ranch.

A lonesome country, peace and quiet.

Oh, I'll lay my weary head down and rest.

Here, sit forward. Oh.

There, that's better, Mr. Trove. Feel comfortable?

Wonderful. I'll never be able to thank you and your sister enough.

I've brought you some lemonade. Oh, thank you.

I don't know what I've done to deserve all this kindness.

You know, it's such a relief

to get away from people who have selfish motives for everything they do.

Oh, June! Betty!

We'll be back in just a minute.

What is it, boys?

There's a whole flock of folks coming out to see the show.

What show? Oh, you boys didn't say anything

to the folks in town about the audition, did you?

Well, I guess we must have dropped a hint somewhere.

Some of the Wagon Wheel show folks are coming too.

Yeah? To horn in on our audition, I suppose.

Well, never mind, maybe they'll be a help.

You go and see if they're getting things ready

and I'll keep an eye on Trove.

Hey, Shorty, where do you want us to put this?

Outside, in the shed on the right.

On the right? Right.

Right. Right.

Why so sad, Shorty?

Here we are, busting Rusty's house up again.

This time, he'll hamstring me, for sure.

Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about him.

Here's something to cheer you up.

Yahoo!

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

What's the matter with you, stupid?

Shorty told us to put it in the shed on the right.

Don't you know which way is right? Certainly.

Which is my right hand?

This one. Okay.

When I say "go," we point to the right.

Go.

Wait, I'll fix this so even you can understand it.

Come here.

Ready? Go.

Hey, Shorty, come here. What's the matter, boys?

This guy don't know his left from the right.

When I say "go," we all point to the right.

Ready? Go.

Oh, that shed? Right.

I told you you were wrong which way was right.

Right.

Never mind, let's get the table. Do you mind?

Hey, Larry, two rights don't make a left or vice versa. Ha, ha, ha.

Oh! What's the matter?

Termites.

They followed me here, don't let them get me.

I won't. The jig's up, boys.

What happened? Trove wised to us.

Oh, I don't think so. Let's go and have a talk with him.

Now, just relax, Mr. Trove. I promise you they won't bother you.

But I don't understand it. Here they come.

They're after me.

Aren't you the musicians I chased away from the hotel?

I see it all now. You're all in cahoots.

You tricked me out here for an audition.

But let me tell you one thing, it won't work.

I'm packing and leaving this place. That's what you think.

Out of my way. Get the... Stop him, boys. Come on.

Please, Mr. Trove, listen.

Let me go. I'll have you all arrested for this.

We'll let you go, mister, but you gotta listen to us first.

All right, all right, anything to get away from this place.

Uh-oh, here comes trouble.

I'm sure glad you feel better, Mr. Clemens.

You had me worried. What's going on around here?

I don't know. But I'll soon find out.

Now, hold on, Rusty, I can explain everything.

We got a big Broadway producer in the house.

He's gonna give us an audition.

If we go over, you can turn the ranch into a new kind of a nightclub.

I came here to invest my money in cattle and mines,

not a night club.

But, I had no... Now I know I shouldn't have

let you talk me into changing my mind. Goodbye.

You knot-headed numbskulls.

Keep your shirt on, pal.

We'll have him back before you can say "Ticonderoga."

If you can say "Ticonderoga."

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

I suppose this was your idea, wasn't it?

Well, not entirely, and stop shouting.

Who's shouting? You are.

Hey, here he is, pal.

Now, you have cooked my goose, you idiots. Untie him.

I'm giving you and your loco friends just 15 minutes to clear out of here.

You love me, don't you, Shorty?

Why, sure. Then do something, anything.

You know what this audition means to me.

If you'd give me a chance to explain, Mr. Clemens.

Now, just a minute, Rusty. I, uh...

I've got something very important to tell you.

Well, what is it?

You're going to hate me for this.

Ha, ha, ha. What do we do next, Shorty?

Put them both in the shed. The one on the right?

Any shed, you silly so-and-so!

We gotta get on with the audition. Here.

The Cappy Barra Boys.

Spade Cooley, king of Western Swing.

♪ Oh, have you seen Miss Molly? ♪

♪ Her cheeks are rosy red ♪

♪ Her lips are soft as satin And they taste like gingerbread ♪

♪ Oh, ho, ho, me ♪

♪ Oh, my, Miss Molly I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Oh, me, oh, my, Miss Molly ♪

♪ Won't you say you love me too? ♪

♪ I'll sell my horse and saddle ♪

♪ The driving I'll resign ♪

♪ If only Miss Molly would say That she'll be mine ♪

♪ Oh, ho, ho, me ♪

♪ Oh, my, Miss Molly I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Oh, me, oh, my, Miss Molly ♪

♪ Won't you say you love me too? ♪

♪ Now, when Miss Molly is smiling ♪

♪ The sun is dim a spell ♪

♪ But when she laughs Her voice is like a little silver bell ♪

♪ Oh, ho, ho, me ♪

♪ Oh, my, Miss Molly I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Oh, me, oh, my, Miss Molly ♪

♪ Won't you say you love me too? ♪

♪ Now, listen here, Miss Molly I told you this before ♪

♪ But even though I told you so ♪

♪ I'll tell you just once more ♪

♪ Oh, ho, ho, me ♪

♪ Oh, my, Miss Molly I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Oh, me, oh, my, Miss Molly ♪

♪ Won't you say you love me too? ♪♪

Well, how'd you like that act, Mr. Trove?

You can make me sit here and listen, but you can't make me like anything.

Wah-hoo! Whoopee!

Wah-hoo! Whoopee! I'm a boy cow... I mean, cowboy.

Ya-kippy, partner. Ki-yippee, Gabe.

Ki-yippee, what? Ki-yippee, sing.

Well, okay, boy.

♪ Way out west Where men are men ♪

♪ And women are very sweet That's where I want to be ♪

♪ That where I'm gonna be ♪

♪ Way out west just once again Where happiness is complete ♪

♪ There's just one thing I miss And it is this ♪

♪ Oh, give me a horse A great big horse ♪

♪ Give me a buckaroo ♪

♪ And let me wah-hoo Wah-hoo, wah-hoo ♪

♪ Oh, give me a ranch A big pair of pants ♪

♪ Give me a Stetson too ♪

♪ And let me wah-hoo Wah-hoo, wah-hoo ♪

♪ Give me the wide open spaces ♪

♪ For I'm just like a prairie flower Growing wilder every hour ♪

♪ Oh, give me a moon A prairie moon ♪

♪ Give me a gal that's true ♪

♪ And let me wah-hoo Wah-hoo, wah-hoo ♪

Whoopee!

♪ Oh, I never could sing A high-class thing ♪

♪ Good music I never knew ♪

♪ But I can wah-hoo Wah-hoo, wah-hoo ♪

♪ Oh, I never could dance 'Cause when I dance ♪

♪ I ruin the lady's shoe ♪

♪ But I can wah-hoo Wah-hoo, wah-hoo ♪

♪ It's just a gift from the prairie ♪

♪ You shout it when a bad man jigs It's very good for calling pigs ♪

♪ Man alive, jumpin' jive Bring on the hip kazoo ♪

♪ And let me wah-hoo Wah-hoo, wah-hoo ♪♪

Whoopee!

Gabe, quick. My whistle.

I haven't got it.

Don't worry. Stay right where you are, Mr. Trove.

Be right back. Don't move, don't even breathe.

Hezzie.

What wrong with him?

We lost my whistle and he can't start without one.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, where was I?

Good, boys. Good. Unusual.

I see the possibilities of a very funny act.

Match, Mr. Trove?

Oh, yes, thank you. Best kind of service.

Thank you, thank you. You boys are natural comics.

But we weren't trying to be funny.

Those are the... Ouch!

Heh. Don't mind him. His brains are scrambled.

Just like mine. Ooh! Ooh! Quiet.

Hey, something is burning.

Don't look now, but it's you.

Look. It's the rocks that are burning.

Wait a minute.

It's vanadinite. Well, what's that?

A very valuable mineral, worth more right now than gold.

Where did you find it?

I didn't find it, I picked it up where we were mining.

And, Rusty, it's on your property.

You're gonna need money to develop the mine. I've got it. What do you say to a partnership?

You've got yourself a partner. Good.

And I'm signing you boys up right now.

I'll feature all of you in my Diamond Circle.

What about Betty and June? Well, what do you do, dance?

We sing. And they're very good too.

Why thanks, Rusty. I really think you meant that.

I do. You see, you're the only girl I ever enjoyed getting in a fight with. Ha, ha.

Look, if you must make love to her, please wait until after I hear her sing.

♪ Rhythm rides the range today ♪

♪ Swing is here and here to stay ♪

♪ Banjo's strummin', Guitars hummin' ♪

♪ Rockin' in the Rockies ♪

♪ Every buckaroo and gal ♪

♪ Swingin' in the old corral ♪

♪ Cowhands dancin' Broncos prancin' ♪

♪ Rockin' in the Rockies ♪

♪ Syncopatin' cowboys ♪

♪ Fling and sing as they ride ♪

♪ Jump and jivin' cowboys ♪

♪ With a yippee-ki-yay On the solid side ♪

♪ Range is filled with melody ♪

♪ Round-up time's a jubilee ♪

♪ No more shootin' Horns are tootin' ♪

♪ As they swing and sway ♪

♪ They're rockin' In the Rockies today ♪♪