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knock-knock

What's the clearance code?

Bree's a bumhead.

Nuh-uh, Abby's a bumhead.

What are you reading?

Uh, something about JT.

Ew, gross.

I thought you liked him.

He did Brittany dirty, so he sucks now.

You can still like his music.

No, he's dead to me.

Guess what I nabbed?

What?

-Alcohol? -Yup!

Oh, my eyes are watering.

What's it like?

That's good, go on.

It tastes like...

meth-o.

How do you know what meth-o tastes like?

Have you been drinking meth-o?

No, but I reckon it tastes like that.

It's meant to make you happy.

Good right?

My brother says it'll put hair on your chest.

Why do you want hair on your chest?

I don't want hair on my chest.

My brother wants hair on his chest.

-w-were her and I trash?

Of course not!

My brother's an idiot!

I don't think it's working.

Yeah, what's the big deal?

I don't even feel anything.

You know what?

You are my best friend.

Thank you.

I'm your best friend too.

No, wait.

You're my best friend too.

Quiet everyone.

I have a toast.

To my best friend.

Breathe.

-ARGH! -ARGH!

Ew, rice!

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I think Tom's gonna pop the question.

You serious?

Yeah, he's been all secretive and shit.

Is that a good thing?

I don't know.

I always thought I'd be married by the time I'm 30, but...

Mrs. Abby Merrick.

It's got a certain ring.

You reckon?

Kids will be next.

You'll get all fat, buy a minivan.

There's no way I'm buying a minivan.

Ooh, maybe a convi.

Cruise around the country, become a hippie.

You'll come too, of course.

Wash my clothes in the ocean.

Make money selling those shell necklaces.

Pet rocks are where the money's at.

What a scare.

I'm sure someone's made a fortune out of those.

So what's he been doing?

Hmm?

You said Tom's being all secretive.

Oh, it's just a feeling.

He's going to the Bucks party tonight.

Everybody's getting married.

It's just what you do.

Your parents are still together, yeah?

Yeah, but they're not happy.

Could you imagine living with one person for your whole life?

Is Tom that person?

I could do worse.

I've done worse.

Remember Harry?

Don't remind me.

He had a charm.

He was so needy.

He hated us, now.

Oh, screw him then.

Tom's a good guy.

Yeah, but is he the one?

The one?

Ugh.

What does that even mean?

I used to want kids.

I don't know now.

I think you'd make a good mum.

Really?

Not.

Besides, I think you need someone to help you on that front.

What happened to, what's his name?

Ugh, long gone.

Dane sucks.

And why does everyone lie on their profile?

Like, just be honest.

We're gonna find out anyway.

Because if everyone was honest, no one would hook up.

Could you imagine?

G'day, my name's Bree.

I like to drink and smoke and I'm unemployed.

Hey!

Unemployed for now.

That's better.

Oh, you know what?

You could write that on your profile and still get lucky.

Yeah, and how's that?

Guys don't give a shit about that stuff.

Just take a sexy photo, do a little side boob action and Bob's your uncle.

Yeah, sexy.

Me all over.

If I was into the V, I'd bang ya.

Gee, thanks.

Oh, gross.

Oh, come on, check it.

The suspense is killing me.

Shit, it's come through.

Go on, open it.

I got it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Shit, then we've got to start Monday.

Oh.

Look at you now.

You can update your profile.

Junior architect.

No more demos for you.

Hey, you want 60 as a starting package?

Nice.

Well, should I take it?

Oh, what do you want?

-Fifty? -Take that shit!

Okay, I'm doing it.

Wait.

They want me to be available weekends.

Is that a problem?

Screw it.

-I'm poor. -I need the money.

Oh, wait.

On second thought.

You've got the job, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, so you can let them know tomorrow.

Because, you know, important decisions

like these need some contemplation and alcohol.

Girls night out?

Look, nights out never end well.

Let's stay here.

Just us.

Okay, well, Tom is going out, so...

Girls night in?

Yeah. Alright. You're paying, by the way.

What? You're a working girl now, bitch.

Uh, you're the working girl, you whore.

You taught me everything I know.

And I learned it from your mom.

She's a talented lady.

Yes, she is.

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will

I sing, I will sing with

are you smiling at?

Nothing.

Oh, don't give me that.

Who is it?

It's just a guy.

Just a guy?

Spill it.

His name's Marcus.

And?

And we're chatting.

Nothing else.

Nothing else, eh?

You're blushing!

You like him?

I don't know yet.

Dating sucks, huh?

Come on, tell me about him.

I don't know much about him.

He's...

He's a vet.

Does he have a photo with a tiger?

No.

Yeah, I like him already.

Are you gonna meet up?

I don't know.

-Maybe... -I don't know. -Don't do that.

What?

Find excuses.

Just meet up already, then you can see if he's

for real or not and cut through the small talk.

But what if he's not my type?

You have a type?

I prefer to wait a bit.

Oh yeah?

How's those blue balls going?

My blue balls are fine, thank you.

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Yo, Oh Duncan grab some juices soon

There's no juice.

What?

There's only soft drink.

Oh, grab some of the fancy lemon stuff.

Abby?

Bree?

Ken.

Big night hey?

Not really.

Oh well you girls should come back to our place, we just got a sick new TV.

Sounds great.

But we have other plans.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Like what?

Like something else.

We're rearranging Abby's sock drawer.

You're such a bitch Bree.

Hey Ken?

-Yeah? -Fuck off.

I'll win you over one day, Abby.

You too, Brie.

He will not take a hint, will he?

He's harmless.

Dude's been in love with you since high school.

He needs to get over it.

Forget him.

Oh my god!

-Bree! -Abby! -Hey!

Woo!

Big night?

Not really.

Oh, too bad.

We're headed out later.

There's some band playing.

-Oh yeah? -Who's that? -I don't know.

Some band Matt likes.

You guys should totally come down.

Oh, can't do sorry.

Tom's going out, so it's a girls' night in.

-Damn. -We're getting wrecked.

Way ahead of you, sister.

Oh, really? You can't open that, can you?

Oh, I was kidding.

♪

Is that Ken over there?

Yep.

He's not that bad.

He's a pig.

He's been after me since high school.

What?

Nothing.

Have a good night.

Yeah, you too.

♪

You're not jealous, are you?

What?

No.

You are!

Oh, you don't like him, do you?

Shit, no.

I guess it was just nice thinking someone else liked me.

Abby, plenty of guys like you, okay?

Trust me, but that guy?

He's a predator.

Alright, let's go.

Whoa!

You were not drinking whilst I'm driving.

What are you gonna do, call the cops?

Uh, maybe I will.

Snitchy!

Finish it.

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug,

chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Come on, you can do it!

Chug, chug, chug, chug!

Yes!

Woo!

-Impressive. -Still got it.

Ugh.

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Oh, that's so funny.

Oi!

Catch up.

Chug. Chug. Chug.

Chug. Chug. Chug.

Chug. Chug. Chug.

Chug. Chug. Chug.

Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.

Chug. Chug. Chug.

Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.

Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Ch

The fizz got me.

Take this for you, I gotta pee.

Wait, are you breaking the seal already?

No.

Just gotta go.

Wow.

Babe, are you home?

Tom

Hey. Oh, hi. But are you getting started already?

Big day, huh?

What time's the box?

Not until six.

I'm still working.

What? It'll take me like five minutes to get ready.

What's your plans?

Staying in, get a pizza.

Oh, big one.

Oh, bring us a job.

Really?

Hey Brie, I hear you're part of the working class now.

No more moochie moochie, eh?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves, OK?

I haven't accepted it yet.

Still plenty of mooching left in me.

Fair enough.

Don't make too much noise, will you?

I have some work I need to finish.

-Mmm. -Mmm.

Cool.

♪

Bye!

So, what are you going to buy first?

You've got a splurge on your first paycheck.

I'm thinking about moving out.

For real?

Finally.

What?

I like living at home.

Dude, you're 28 years old.

You should have moved out ages ago.

Why?

It's cheap.

Plus, my dad likes having me around.

Daddy's girl.

Shut up.

You so are. You're such a daddy's girl.

Better than being a...

mummy's...

Good one.

I needed more time.

You can live here, you know.

The office still stands.

Still a terrible idea.

Why not?

You're here all the time anyway.

The spare room's basically yours.

Abby, it's a terrible idea.

We're best friends.

You think it's a good idea now, but you are going to hate me.

How?

I always leave the kitchen cupboards open.

You hate that.

Sometimes I forget the flush.

Sometimes I leave the toilet seat up.

You leave the toilet seat up?

When I'm in a hurry.

Do the old stand and pee.

How is that quicker?

You should try it.

It's liberating.

That's besides the point.

You'll have your own bathroom.

You can piss and shit wherever you like.

-Nope. -Just clean it up.

Terrible idea.

If you say so.

Vodka?

I'm offended you even have to ask.

Want to see Marcus's duck?

No, I don't want to see Marcus's dick.

-Nah, check it out. -It's huge.

Look at that duck.

So smooth, so fluffy.

It looks like a mighty duck, but we have bigger problems.

Where's the vodka?

The vodka?

It's not here.

Is it in the car?

No, we got everything out, I'm sure.

Oh shit.

I think I left it at the bottle there.

Are you serious?

Oh my bad.

What are you wenchers crying about?

This dum-dum left our vodka at the bottle there.

Amateur.

Look, I'm sorry, alright?

Humbu?

Oh, gross.

I'd rather drink piss.

So go back and get it.

I'm sure they've realised.

I can't drive.

Can you take us?

Nope.

Besides, I gotta get ready.

Hayden's picking me up in 30.

Okay, well there's gotta be something left over here.

Hey Tom, you wanna see a duck pic?

Why don't you just go out and come to the Royal?

We're not crashing your box.

Royal's a big place.

You can go do your own thing, you know, get white girl wasted.

Your friends won't think we're checking up on you?

Ha!

I'm a man.

Alright.

Well, then you guys figure it out.

Um, we can do this.

Just get some ice.

We've got blue and green and lemon squash.

How long's that stuff been in there?

I don't know. Does alcohol go off?

Nah.

See ya.

That needs more ice.

It's not bad.

I'll be pooping green tomorrow.

Kermit the bug.

It's tomorrow's problem.

This isn't going to last.

Can't do beer.

You had to leave the vodka at the bottle, didn't you?

The Royal, this could be the last chance

that you get to go out in the town for a while.

Girls' Night Out?

Yeah, Girls' Night Out!

Oh God, that that was really bad.

That's not better

♪

Oh, up top!

Oh, down low!

Beautiful!

-How we doing? -Very well.

Hey, cool if we give the girls a ride.

Oh, brilliant there.

Fantastic.

Oh, while I'm remembering, I've got a business idea I want

to talk to you about later, but not another pyramid scheme.

Hurry up!

It's a pyramid scheme. It's like a light little dome.

Alright, tell me about it.

-Let's do it. -Alright, great!

sure this doesn't make me look too slutty?

No more than usual.

You're fine!

Come on!

Hold your horses!

Nevermind.

What did you do?

He's going to meet us at the Royal.

-No! -Yes! -Hurry up!

Shut up!

How else are you going to meet his duck?

I can't wear this now, and I haven't got anything else here!

Bree, you're banging!

Now, let's go!

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Looking good, Bree.

Perfection.

Oh, thanks.

You're dreaming, bro.

What? She looks good. Not a chance, Hayden.

Screw you guys.

I will turn this car around right now.

Hey, keep it down there, you kids.

You heard your father?

He's not even my real dad.

You're damn right, you're adopted.

I love you.

Bro, the pub's a block that way.

Oh yeah, but I'm parking overnight.

I don't want to get towed in the morning.

Fine.

We walk.

Thank you, my lord.

Uh, m'lady?

Lead on, valiant steeds.

Yo, Hayden.

What's the plans for tonight?

Strip show?

Ping pong show?

-Glory holes? -Spill it, buddy.

What?

She's kidding, bro.

I'm not.

You have to report back to us every 15 minutes.

I'm holding you responsible, Hayden.

Wait, what's a glory hole?

It's where you become a man.

Wait, you seriously don't know what a glory hole is?

What is a glory hole?

I don't know either.

It's where your parents met.

You were probably conceived there.

Don't worry.

Both their family lines will end with these two.

If they ever spawn a child, they'll be

left in the forest by the village elders.

What?

I'm kidding.

They'll be charged with incest long before that happens.

Wait, incest isn't legal?

Sorry, bro.

My cousin's hot.

Hey, Johnny.

Hey, ladies.

Ditch the zeros and get with the heroes.

-Eat shit. -What?

Daro.

What a dick.

Oy.

What an idiot.

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Alright, there we are Hayden, let's go, have fun girls.

Oh, wait.

No glory holes.

No promises.

Ah, you're our first drinks.

What? You left the vodka at the bottle, eh?

Fine.

I'll get the table.

What do you want?

-Surprise me. -Urinatives.

People would know that Clark Kent is Superman,

but classes can actually make a pretty good disguise.

It's like Batman, he's out stalking the streets of Gotham at night.

Hello?

Billionaires are usually the villains.

Bruce Wayne knows this.

I mean, Bruce Wayne fighting crime.

Hi.

My favourite Batman would have to be Ben Affleck.

-What can I get you? -I don't mind it.

Two vodka oranges please.

I don't really rate Michael Keaton.

He was alright, but he's just a bit small for my liking.

You know, a bit wispy. I didn't really buy the whole Bruce Wayne thing.

John Lansing, have you seen that movie?

There you go.

Who's your favourite Batman?

How much was it?

Do you like Batman?

I love it.

23.30.

Who's your favourite superman?

I don't know.

You haven't?

Come on, you haven't lived!

♪

Oh, oh.

She's so good.

Do you know how much these things cost?

Nah, but I bet you're going to tell me.

$23.30.

How does that even split between two drinks?

Bloody ridiculous.

Calm down old timer.

I'm sure everything was cheaper back in your day.

It was.

You young'uns showed some respect.

I'm three days younger than you.

Young'uns.

Nah, where were we?

Ball and behind.

I've got a joke for you.

Hit me.

Ow!

Don't want me to hit you.

Come on, tell me the joke, you idiot.

So, the bear walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and he says, I'll have a bourbon and a coke.

The bartender goes, why the big paws?

And?

And what?

And why the big paws?

No, that's the joke.

Because he's a bear.

You're just the worst to tell jokes to.

I like jokes.

Maybe you're just shit at telling them.

I'm funny.

Yeah, funny looking.

I'm here all night.

Damn, should have got extras.

Yeah, good one.

You're up.

Fine.

But, if I'm not back in five minutes, call the president.

Oh, see if they do jugs.

Yeah,

it's a grumble.

It's a grumble.

It's a great grumble.

Eww.

No jokes?

Nah. They said the only jokes that they sold were your mum's.

Can't get anything for those saggy bags.

Careful, those saggy bags will be yours one day.

Nuh-uh.

I'm gonna get Botox before that happens.

Botox.

In your boobs.

Yeah, stop them sagging.

Does that even work?

Of course.

Why didn't you get four?

We're gonna be going back every five minutes.

I've only got two hands.

Ever heard of a tray?

Never heard of a tray.

Ooh.

Guess how much they cost.

$23.30.

No, $18.

Bullshit.

$18 even.

That son of a bitch.

What did you do? I flashed him a smile.

He's really nice, actually.

You flashed your tits, didn't you?

We would never.

Besides, I think he's gay.

So?

So how would that help?

Everybody loves boobs.

Even gay guys.

Why would they care?

I'm not saying they get off on it or anything, but come on.

Who can resist a spectacular pair of tits?

You are spectacular.

Hey.

Hey.

I like your tits.

Like me.

Yours too.

Thanks.

I'm Cody.

Hey, Cody.

We've met before.

We have.

Several times.

I must have forgotten.

What's going on, Cody?

Nothing much.

Just been chilling.

Just chilling?

You guys having a big one?

Probably not.

Cool.

I'm going to go hard tonight.

I'm here with my bros and we are getting loose.

They're around here somewhere.

Are you with the Bucks party?

Um, no, no, no, it's Friday night.

Oh, hey, guess what, guess what.

I had this dream once, right, where the world had been overtaken by bees.

And then I got breast implants.

And they were real nice ones, too.

And then I woke up and they were gone.

Hey Cody, I think you should listen to your

subconscious and follow your dreams and get those emotions.

You reckon?

You'd make a hot chick.

See, I think so too.

Um, do you guys want more drinks?

Hell yeah.

Yeah, vodka?

You know me too well.

I'll be back.

Do you know him?

No, not really.

But I think a drink sitch is sorted.

Do we trust him?

Yeah, he's here all the time.

He's wasted already.

He's not going to hurt anyone.

Okay.

We've just got each other's back, alright?

Of course.

You don't have to say it.

Thanks guys, gonna take a quick break now, we'll be back soon.

-Marcus? -Yeah, he's on his way.

On his way?

What does that mean?

Like, how far?

-How should I know? -He's on his way.

Okay, so what does he look like?

Because how do I know who to look for when he gets here?

Check it.

He's a duck.

Hey, he's kind of hot.

I know, right?

So what's wrong with him?

What do you mean?

Why is he talking to you?

I have no idea.

Maybe he's mentally handicapped or something.

Probably.

Either way, I like him.

If you like him, I like him.

Speaking of, where's-His-Face without drinks?

I'm out.

Stu, there he is!

Ticket for God!

Well in that case, your turn.

Same.

Why thank you.

Hey mate.

I'm a peg box.

Or I guess even two pegs.

I don't know.

I want to get out of here.

Yeah.

You're doing it all wrong.

Oh, really?

Really.

Well, show me how it's done then, Mr. Big Show.

What can I get you?

She was next.

Oh, two vodka oranges, please.

And what are you having?

Bourbon and coke.

One of those.

I've got it.

-I've got it. -Are you sure?

Or you think I need a man to buy me a drink?

No, by all means.

I want to know to a free drink.

Great.

So when did you get here?

Just now.

I've never been to this place before.

Seems cool.

It's twenty-six.

What is it?

Twenty six dollars.

It doesn't make any sense.

It's bullshit.

Hey, that's the price of going out.

Who cares?

No, Marcus!

Don't mind her.

She was dropped on her head as a child.

I take care of it now.

Hi.

Hi.

-This is Abby. -I'm Abby.

Bruce told me so much about you.

Really?

So, you guys planning a big night?

-She, yeah. -But I got a new job.

Really?

-What is it? -She's an architect.

Yeah. Well, she's got to be. I will be a junior architect.

I start on Monday.

-Congratulations. -Thank you.

So do you send duck pics to all your friends?

Yeah, sometimes.

His name is George.

Your name's your dick, George.

No, my duck.

He's my pet.

George is very cute.

He's my boy.

To George!

Woo!

You're not drinking?

I can't.

I have a big one. I'm up early tomorrow.

Oh yeah? What's on? I have a shift in the morning.

I'm a volunteer lifeguard.

Oh cool!

How long have you been doing that for?

About a year.

Do you wear speedos?

Yeah, they're not very flattering.

Has George ever popped out to say hi?

No, they're pretty secure.

Really?

Not even a little bit?

When you're running down the beach in slow-mo?

-Ignore her. -I think it's really cool.

Oh shit!

Why?

Over there, don't look over there.

Who is it?

It's Big Red.

Oh.

Who's Big Red?

She's Tom's ex, she's still after him, you know it.

Tom's her boyfriend.

Yeah!

Do you think she's here because Tom's here?

How should I know?

Probably not.

Where is he?

-Your boyfriend? -He's at a Bucks party.

He's just in one of the other rooms.

Is he over her?

-Yeah. -She is! -She's a crazy bitch!

So why Big Red?

I don't know.

We've just always called her that.

She's gone.

Fuck that rooster.

Let's have a good night.

But first, I've gotta pee.

Oh, me too.

-Do you mind? -No, all good.

I'll be here.

Do you think George is a weird name for a duck?

No.

Wait, is it?

I don't think I'd name my duck George.

I think I'd name him something like Donald.

Oh wait, that's already taken.

Okay.

David.

David Duck.

Yeah, it'd be like Davo, Davo the Duck.

Sounds like a bogan.

Yeah, Davo the Bogan Duck, quack quack mother bitches.

Oh, I didn't realise how bad I needed to go.

So are you going to bang him tonight?

-What? -No. -Why not?

Because I'm not a slut.

That doesn't make you a slut.

I'm not going to do it.

What if I like him?

That makes no sense.

How does that make no sense?

Because if you like him, you've got to let him stick it

in you, and if you don't like him, you've still got to...

What do you think?

I don't think I have an opinion.

Come on.

Do you bang on the first date?

I tend to get into long distance

relationships that remove the option of physical contact.

That way when it inevitably ends, we can

blame it on the distance and not our shortcomings.

So you don't bang on the first date?

No.

But if you want to, go for it.

I don't even know if this counts as a date, what...

And anyway, what makes you think he wants to?

Cos he's a guy.

So?

It's all guys want.

Did you guys sleep together on the first date?

Nah.

-See? -There's no rush.

So, second date then?

I don't even know if there'll be a second date, we just started this one.

Ah, so there is a date.

You're a pain in the arse, you know that?

Of course.

Oh, ew, I don't want to go in after her.

Just go before you pee yourself.

Well, well, well.

How's it going, Bree?

Hey.

Go fuck yourself, big red, you mole.

How's that smell, Abby?

You know, that sting in your eyes, the burrito that I had for lunch?

Oh, learn how to flush, bitch.

Have a good night, losers.

Oh, I fucking hate that cow.

Don't let her ruin a good night.

You're right.

Shuts?

Shuts.

Marcus, we're doing shuts.

Um, okay.

Oh, don't worry.

This isn't a thing.

To reach Tyrone.

Six Turkish delights, my dude.

Sorry about her.

-Why? -She's fun.

Yeah, she is.

So, tell me about your new job.

It's pretty good.

I get to work in the city, so I hope I get to work.

Shots!

For you.

For me.

Ugh.

The Oreos!

-What are you doing? -You suck!

Oh, I'm not much of a big drinker.

In that case...

Come on!

Drink!

Whoop!

-Ah. -Whoo!

Let's get this party started!

Learn to walk, you troll.

You think you're funny, Big Red?

You're the only Drake I can see.

You know, I wasn't going to, but I think I will fuck Tom tonight.

Again.

Bitch.

There's something you need to hear.

Something that's been well overdue.

Yeah?

What's that?

Big Red, you know, this was a really good

night before you came along stinking up the place.

So why don't you take your fat ass back to the glory hole and get back to work?

What?

That's some pretty big words coming from a lesbo.

A lesbo?

Seriously, that's the best you got?

Oh, come on.

You don't have to push me in the back.

I can go right now.

What gives, Brie?

We used to be friends.

Why do you still hang out with this piece of shit?

You're both as bad as each other.

Okay, guys, break it up.

What's all this about?

She's trying to start something.

Okay.

How about we take it easy, eh?

It's her fault.

Okay, okay.

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to ask you ladies to leave.

Oh, wait! The bulls just come down. Oh, what?

That's bullshit!

I'm sorry. Look, we're going, we're going.

Oh!

I had it my way.

Do you want to go to it?

Want to go?

Yes!

Yeah, I guess.

-Am I a person? -Am I a person?

Am I a person?

Am I a person?

Oh!

Oh, so you're some kind of tough guy, huh?

I used to box.

I won comps.

Okay, I haven't trained in a while, but I

can still beat the shit out of that girl.

Good to know.

Does that intimidate you?

No.

Is that a thing?

Well, yeah, for some guys.

They like to be the protector of the man.

Well, I think it's hot.

Interesting.

Oh, I shouldn't move so fast.

So, Abby's a bit of a wild one.

Yeah, she's awesome.

We've been friends forever.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I gotta pee.

I'll meet you guys there.

See you later.

-Bye. -Bye.

Free!

Blush me.

Ooh, leather birds.

Barking, sitting, breathing, sitting in a tree.-N-G.

-Shut up, Abby. --N-G.

All right, let go.

To the audience!

♪

♪

Hurry up!

What the bloody hell did I do wrong?

Joke's on you.

You can't keep me out of here.

I'm the muzz!

LAUGHTER

Ah, the Orient.

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

We must be cautious.

It's like you're there.

Do you want to dance?

I'm not much of a dancer.

Oh, that's dancing?

We all need it!

Let's go, let's go!

Oh

Mmm! I hate this song!

Oh!

I hereby claim this stable as Ellie's.

Uh, what do you guys want?

One Ferrero Ronaldo.

Uh, two please.

Thanks.

Thanks again.

Huh?

Uh, go back there.

I know you try and stay out of it.

You know I got your back.

I could've taken her.

-Should ya? -She's all talk.

Do you think that she's gonna fuck Tom tonight?

No way!

She's a nutcase.

Oh shit!

-Tom! -Tom!

We are...

yet.

And, you know, I love you!

♪

Looks like someone's next.

I don't talk to nobody on this thing.

Don't think I'm ready to get married yet, but don't

We should get married we make

a great couple I Don't

want kids if you want him you're a don't expect any

child support Wow You're not even gonna help me raise our kids.

What do I know about being a parent?

I'm not squeezing one out Like I need my bits tight Please it's

like throwing a sausage down a hallway for you What is the ideal size?

I prefer girth over length.

You know, I really want something I can grip onto.

Are you supposed to be down the hallway?

Me?

Ah!

Oh, my God!

I thought you guys weren't coming out!

Yo, this dipshit left that vodka at the bottom of my cup.

-Hey! -That was yours.

You should go back and get it.

They were looking for who's it was.

Wait, do you think they're still open?

Yeah.

No, probably not.

Do you guys want to try one of these?

No.

They're on me, like, my friends got a whole bag.

Are they good?

Mm-hmm.

Yellow.

Well, you're supposed to swallow it.

I'm not very good at this.

Hey handsome.

Got it.

Do you want to party?

Uh, next time.

What is that?

Water.

-Water? -You can't drink water!

Leave him alone, he's got work tomorrow, remember?

Are you guys a couple?

No, this is Marcus, he's a good guy.

Are you a good guy, Marcus?

I think so.

Yeah, he's such a good guy.

They were making out whilst I peed in the bushes.

Oh, that's romantic.

God, you're weirdo.

Who wants to dance?

I don't feel it yet.

It'll kick in when it's ready.

Goodbye, leather birds!

Hey, so I think I'm gonna take off.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I gotta be up early, so...

Well, I had a good time.

Yeah, me too.

Be safe, okay?

Where's Marcus?

He left.

Why didn't you go with him?

He's outside.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

it's happening.

It's good, right?

Oh

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

Whoa, whoa, Frankie, you look like an angel, okay?

Doesn't she look like you, Frankie?

You're an angel, Frankie.

♪

I think I need some water.

Ooh, I need to pee.

Oh, me too.

Oh, OK. I'll go get some water and drinks, and you guys go pee.

Use my card.

It's my turn.

Yeah, it is.

And I'm going to pee.

And I'll meet back here.

Have you heard the positive feedback Ewan

McGregor's been getting from Star Wars fans?

It's about time the prequels get the recognition they deserve.

I've been a fan of them since they first came out.

You know, Jar Jar Binks, I know he copped a lot of flack,

but he's actually a marvel of cinematic technology at the time.

What's the F stand for?

I don't know if I can hold it.

Come on.

Hey, you know, some people think the Gungans are part of

Yoda's race, but no one actually knows what race he belongs to.

Hey, are you a Batman fan?

The lady's next door.

Yeah.

Is your friend alright?

She's good.

There's a long line out there.

Want some?

Bonne tête!

Did you go to St. Abigail's?

Yeah.

Brie, right?

Yeah.

I'm Cosmo, I was in the year below you.

Right.

Didn't you wear glasses?

Yeah.

Yeah, I used to.

You sure she's alright?

Yo, you good?

I'm good.

She's good.

Have a good night, yeah?

Oh, that must be it.

I threw up.

I heard.

Oh shit, am I in the wrong toilet?

You might be.

Nah, this is definitely the guys.

Oi, have you got a dick?

Are you a chick with a dick?

I don't think so.

Can you get one?

Do you think I should get one?

For real?

Yeah, I'd get like a nice big one.

That's cool. Hey, do you reckon they'll let you choose?

Because I'd get a nice black one for an upgrade if I let me swap.

Oh, but, but, would you

keep your tits?

Because I think you should keep your tits.

Eighty-one.

Brilliant!

Can I have the other one?

Would you be a chick with a dick

or a dude with a boob?

Another one!

What a time to be alive!

Chicks with dicks!

George with boobs!

You alright?

Yeah, I am.

Now.

I think I got a little out of this one.

That was, um, that was carrot in it.

I don't remember eating carrot.

We should drink these waters before we get another drink.

Here we go, I'm finishing, I've got to be sensible.

I threw up.

Can you smell it?

Ugh, I smell like King Kong's arsehole.

Oh, shit.

God, what else have you got in there?

Like a MacGyver's handbag.

Who's MacGyver?

Who's MacGyver?

Are you serious?

My mum had, like, the biggest crush on him.

He can make a helicopter out of string and duct tape.

Cool.

That's gonna make your drink taste weird.

I don't want it to smell like Bigfoot's ass.

It's not Bigfoot's arse, it's King Kong's arsehole.

Bigfoot's arsehole would be much worse.

How would Bigfoot's arsehole be worse than King Kong's arsehole?

Because King Kong has people that work for him.

He's got special arsehole cleaners and everything.

And Bigfoot just, he just sits in the woods and is covered in his own shit.

No, I don't even think Bigfoot's real.

My dad saw a bunny at once.

No way!

Yes!

That's our song!

Do you want to come dance?

No, I don't think I can.

I'll stay here.

Are you sure?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, go!

Love you!

♪

me, me, me

♪

♪

What is it?

Who's that?

I don't know.

That was like a loser.

She'll be all right.

♪

♪

-Watch your step. -Watch your step!

Holly!

Holly, are you okay?

Yeah, she's fine.

We're just helping her out.

Holly!

I'm just trying to help.

I've got her, okay?

You wanna move?

Bitch.

Hey, you watch your mouth, you shit stains.

Yeah.

Hey, wait up!

No.

Have you guys seen Matt?

I lost him earlier.

We haven't seen him, but where's your phone?

It's Dan.

I'll call him.

Do you know the number?

-0423... -Wait, wait, wait.

Hold up.

Shit.

My phone's gone.

Motherfucker!

It's alright.

Mine's here.

What is your number?

I just need a minute.

What's your number?

One minute.

Holly!

0423 433 431

It's ringing

No answer.

Hey, you can't sleep here.

Yeah, we know.

We're calling her boyfriend.

If she's not up when I get back, you're all out.

Whatever.

Blackhead.

Oh, shit.

Um, not you, Matt.

Um, it's Abby.

Yeah, Holly.

Yeah.

She's drunk.

We're at the back of the club, just on the couches.

Okay.

Um, he's coming!

I'm sorry Why are you sorry?

I ruined the night.

No, you didn't.

You didn't ruin anything.

It was fun.

It was?

What happened to your girl?

What's his name?

Marcus he left

I love you guys.

We love you, too.

Maxia!

You okay?

I'm okay.

Um, she threw up.

She might have got slipped something.

That's fine, she probably just drank too much.

Holy.

I'm fine.

See?

I can stand on my own.

Are you guys coming?

We're gonna stay Let's do this

again Go get some water.

Okay Come on

Okay.

Who are you calling?

Your phone.

Hello?

Who's this?

No, you have my friend's phone.

What?

Shit.

Dighead.

Those are not up.

Cancel everything tomorrow.

Do you think she was actually spiked?

And are those guys, are they in our school?

Yeah, one said the year below us.

Arsehole.

Should we go?

Yeah

Hey, have you girls seen a girl in a pink top up there?

No, sorry.

Sorry, mate.

Ladies!

They're just there.

-Ladies! -I'll just get us an Uber.

-I don't care. -Show your tits!

Come on!

Show your tits, you cunts!

Ladies!

Show your tits!

This is going to take an hour.

-I was just wondering. -Food? -No.

Starving?

-Yes. -Yeah. -It's actually just there.

That was a bit rude.

Two slices of pizzas, my dude.

Sure thing, that's $12.

Thanks.

Thank you.

There you go.

Oh, this shit smells so good.

Fuck, it's hot.

Not so funny now, are you?

What the fuck?!

Hey, hey! Take that shit somewhere else!

Shut up, Luigi, or you're next!

Did you just hit me with that?

So what?

What are you going to do about it?

You crazy bitch!

What's up with you?

You know I...

I'm talking to you!

Dude look, we've just had the craziest night.

We don't want to deal with you right now.

I hate you, Abby.

You too, Bree.

Get over it, Big Red.

Tom's moved on.

This isn't even about him.

Big Red, you're insane.

Can you stop calling me that?

-What? -Big Red?

I don't even have fucking red hair.

Is that what this is all about?

You both think you're so high and mighty, making fun of everybody all the time.

We're just a pair of bitches.

Look, it's been a wild night.

Okay, we're just gonna go.

Don't turn your fucking back at me!

Dude, it's over, we're going.

What's going on here?

Yeah, yeah, that one, hit that one.

Right.

Don't touch me!

Calm down.

This way, please.

You okay?

Yeah, I think so.

Do you need an ambulance?

So she hit you?

Would you like to make a statement?

No

Look, if she hits you with this, she'll be charged.

Now she's just got problems.

Maybe you two should be heading home.

Yeah, we will.

Thanks.

Hey Joe, give me that.

Whoa, slow down fatty.

I can't talk muffin top.

♪

A lot of press charges.

I don't want the headache.

You're going to get a headache tomorrow anyway.

Look, how much did we drink?

We took pills.

I don't want that stuff coming out.

-So what? -She hit you.

Let's just drop it, yeah?

When you're a true hippie.

I am a hippie.

I know.

Do you really think we could live together?

Of course.

It'd be great.

You don't think we'd get on each other's nerves?

So what?

You're my best friend.

You're my best friend too.

I don't want that to change.

If I ain't...

If you do something I don't like, I'll call you out on it.

Do you know that?

Yeah, I do.

And I am perfect, so you've nothing to worry about.

Perfect my ass.

You're like a perfect mistake.

I bet Mother Nature regrets spitting you out into the world.

I do my best.

What'll Tom think?

Oh, he's secretly hoping that we'd have a threesome.

No offence, but I am not into Tom.

So you wouldn't have a threesome?

Oh, I didn't say that.

So you would have a threesome?

I didn't say that either.

So you would have a threesome just not with me?

Okay, that would be weird.

So no.

Ouch.

Well, I gotta let him down easy.

You spoken about it?

Well, I joked about it.

See, I don't know if I can move in now,

just knowing you joke about these things.

Oh, shit!

What's wrong?

We're walking.

Love you.

♪

♪

♪

And they're walking home

They're walking home.

Should I call her?

Oh, she's with Brie.

She's completely fine.

-Stop. -Uh-uh. -No.

No, what are you doing?

-Stripers. -Of course.

How far are we?

Um, I ran along here, so 20 minutes?

I need to start running again.

Apparently I'm getting fat.

You're not fat, you're festively plump.

Tis the season.

We could go running together.

I'll even slow down so you can keep up.

Well, I used to run up and down your ass.

Used to?

What, you don't think I can beat you?

Not a chance.

Fine.

Hey, I'll race you to that barbecue over there.

What's the bet?

The loser has to piggyback the winner

when we get to your street.

What?

I can't carry.

Oh, afraid you'll lose?

They're on

Ready?

Oi!

Buddy!

Cheater!

I am the Lizard Queen!

Dad!

-I... -I totally would have had you!

Well, you didn't, did you?

I call for disqualification!

Judge says, overruled.

Well, I'm gonna enjoy this.

I gotta sit

I need to quit smoking.

I hear ya.

Tomorrow, no more smokes.

Last two?

To celebrate?

May as well.

I don't know if I want to be an architect.

Where the heck did that come from?

You spent how many years studying?

And you finally just got a job?

Yeah, but what if it's a mistake?

And it's too late to change now.

I'm going to be stuck doing something I don't like for the rest of my life.

Well, if that happens, just do something else.

I've just spent years getting here.

I mean, am I just...

Am I just doing this because Dad thinks it's...

Bree, Bree, Bree.

You're 28 years old.

You can have like seven jobs.

What?

You're so cool.

Oh, shut up.

-You are. -You're like my hero.

Me, I'm the worst.

You're my hero.

You're so tough.

I'm not tough.

I just try to be like you.

Oh, stop that.

You're perfect.

You're so smart.

You really, you got it all figured out.

Okay, now.

Enough cutesy drunk talk.

Ew, gross!

Just trying to ease the tension.

Well, it's really all friggin' disgusting.

-Ugh. -Luckily, we just quit.

Holy shit, Ken!

I thought you were a mugger or something.

Ladies?

I haven't got a spare cig, do you?

Ah, these are our last two.

Yeah, we quit.

Good for you.

Got a light?

Well, you girls look like you had a big night, huh?

Not really.

What did you get up to?

Just went to the club.

Oh yeah, which one?

Um, the Orient.

I went to the Oaks.

It was alright.

Cool.

Yeah, there was a local band playing.

The Orangutangs.

You heard of them?

Well, this has been fascinating and all, but we're gonna...

What's the rush?

It's late.

We should go.

You're such a bitch, Brie.

Yeah, well stop being such a creep, Ken!

Hey Brie!

What?!

I told you I'd win you over, Abby.

No!

Abby!

Get off her!

Ah!

No!

That's what he wanted.

♪

♪

♪

♪

Yeah.

Oh

♪♪

Yeah.

I need an ambulance, please.

I

don't know who you are, and I don't know what

you're doing, and I don't know what you're doing.

♪

♪

♪

We'll get that fan

Just the two of us.

♪

We'll travel the country and do the whole van life thing.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

And you'll sell seashells?

And I also put rocks to mark it.

♪

You'll be perfect

Just us.

♪

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