Original subtitles

Surprise!

What do we have here?

This is the puppet I had when I was a little girl.

And guess what, Jamie?

This is your new best friend, Simon.

Merry Christmas.

We should watch a horror movie.

Oh, wow.

New family tradition.

Okay.

Isn't he a little young for this?

You're never too young for good movies.

Get over.

here.

Stand, stab, stab you in the face.

You're going to go.

Yes, Mom.

Me too.

Me too.

Me too.

What would make me happy?

What would make me happy, Robert?

I want you to start looking to me as a mother Robert.

Susan is gone, and he is still watching that garbage.

It's inappropriate.

Janet, please.

Robert, please.

I am so done with this.

If you don't do something now with this place, that puppet and that horror movie

shit, you're going to raise a fucking serial killer.

Okay?

Enough.

Stop!

What are doing?

Something I should have done a lot sooner.

What's that?

Janet?

These have got to go.

Those sorority girls' bloodbath?

This one's actually pretty good.

Oh, really?

Please don't tell them why I won't watch them anymore, I promise.

There's lots of other things you can watch.

How about something educational, hmm?

And you know what's going next?

That horrible-looking puppet thing.

It looks like something a pedophile lures children with.

He's not going anywhere.

Oh, we'll see about that.

Why are you being so mean to me?

Because it's time for you to grow up.

And I am not being mean.

Jesus.

I'll talk to her.

You can see next great.

I'll see you in the morning.

You're still on the bitch.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, now I'm the bad guy?

You're unbelievable.

We've talked about this.

You need to be a little more understanding.

Why am I always the bad guy, huh?

Maybe you should just grow a set of balls.

And not just around here, but at your job, too.

Oh, here we go again.

You're weak.

I'm yours.

What did you say?

Nothing.

I don't want to argue with you.

Oh, that's right.

I forgot it upsets your poor sensitive little tummy.

If you're not happy, which obviously you are not, you can leave.

I don't care.

It's a two hour walk to the closest bus station.

Fuck you.

Good riddance.

Asshole.

Jenny I

like you Jenny

Okay Who's down here Jamie So So

I just can't find him.

I can't find Simon.

I'm scared.

I'm really scared.

And then I hear this tiny giggle.

I'm gonna stop you there.

I'm just gonna be blunt this time.

Jamie, you've been coming in here for years with this same shit.

My mom died.

Yes, your mother who showed an infant every day of his early developmental life.

totally inappropriate films that gave you nightmares that still haunt you today.

Did your mother die?

Yes, of cancer.

Did your stepmother die?

She had an argument with your father and she left him.

Did a puppet murder her?

No.

No.

Jamie, did a puppet murder her?

No.

And are you still taking your medication?

Good.

Okay.

Change a topic.

You going anywhere for the Christmas break?

Yeah, me and my friends are going on my dad's cabin where Simon murdered my stepmom.

Oh, for fuck's sakes.

So, you all ready to get away?

Oh, my God, yes.

My mother wants to stop texting me.

How's your day?

Did I get that extra thing that I packed you?

Did you get my last text?

She just cares about you, Jesse.

A little too much.

She just followed me on Instagram.

Oh, not Instagram.

Shut up.

Fuck you.

At least you have a mom.

I could get her to follow you too if you want.

I don't have Instagram.

I know.

Hey, are you all ready?

Oh, hell yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Got all the weed we're gonna need.

Whoa.

What's up, fuckers?

What's going on?

Language.

Sorry, Mrs. Stevens.

My bad.

Man, she needs to get laid.

A little vitamin D.

Cure that right up, hey.

That's gross.

Hello, Mama.

Who the hell's that?

Brooke.

What happened to Shelly?

I just got around to friending her.

Yeah, Shelley, she talked too much.

Brooke and I, we do not talk so much.

Anyway, listen, we were just talking about the weekend.

Where were you guys?

Yeah, we were just around, we just hanging out, right?

Brooke and I, we like to hang out all over the place, you know, when I... We get it.

Hey, anyway, check it out.

I got us all sort of for booze.

We're gonna be good.

Oh, dude, fuck the swerve.

Fuck my dad's amazing!

He's so good!

You just said don't drink and drive, because we... Um, don't go now.

I only have math in you sell this.

Hey.

What?

Talking about the trip.

You wanna join?

Oh.

No.

Oh.

I'm late for history.

so we're gonna meet back at the van after school.

See you guys.

See you later.

But Jamie, you have my stuff.

Jamie, wait up.

Hey, I'll see you third period.

Hey.

Hey.

Hi, Jamie.

Nah!

Bitch.

I'm sorry.

What did you're getting away with burning again?

Seriously, this is stupid.

I want you to take these four and what exactly is this shit?

Jesse, it's not funny.

I think I'm actually going crazy.

Maybe I should start taking a lot.

Watching too many horror movies never hurt anything.

Besides, what if I don't want me to change anything about it?

Really?

Yeah?

No.

Who do you love?

Who do you?

You?

I can't hear you.

Great answer.

You're not the fucking boss of me, Curtis.

See, this is the shit.

I don't want to sit there all weekend and watch your friends fuck.

You think I want to watch my friends fuck?

No, they've got girlfriends and I got you.

All right?

Mom and dad are making me bring you.

Mom and dad, dude, you're adopted.

I'm adopted.

You're fucking adopted.

I look like Mom and Dad.

Think about it.

You look like Mom and Dad.

Oh my God.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

Relax.

It's kind of bangable and go to jail kind of way.

Cheers.

Must be nice and never look forward to anything.

Come on.

We're gonna have fun.

Ooh.

Someone's more female.

I should not give me these.

Enough.

Oh, gross.

Hey, bro.

What's up, bro?

Check it.

Just fucking crush some abs.

BAM!

Get in there.

You like that shit?

D-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!

You guys want to be alone?

You like when other guys touch you?

No, we've never done that before.

Yeah, fucking first time for everything.

Yeah, first time.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Your band sucks!

Hey, Jimmy, I thought your dad wasn't coming with us.

Whoa.

Hey.

Uh-oh.

I got caught.

Dad, if you want to come with us, there's more than enough room in the van.

Oh, thanks, but to be honest, I don't really have much desire to go back there.

No, I'm glad that you are.

You know, it's time.

Place has been empty for too long, man.

Graduating this year, so I think it's time to figure some stuff out.

No.

Mr. W.

Hey, it's so good to see you, man.

Wow, you look fit.

Thank you.

You guys are all ready to go?

Yeah, just really looking forward to going to chill for a few days.

Yeah, and your hat, man, are you sure you don't want to come with us?

Yeah, maybe next time.

Well, you take care, okay?

I'm gonna be fine, you don't have to worry.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, big boy.

I love you, son.

I love you, too, Dad.

Okay, no, go.

Okay.

Oh, isn't that adorable, you guys?

See you later.

Okay, drive safe.

Oh, yeah.

Let's get up.

Let's get out.

At the chase.

I gotta take your peece?

He's got a pee.

Fuck, everybody gotta take a piss?

Longer.

What a second?

Get all your fucking pisses, dude.

GPS is a little sketchy.

I think it's like about an hour.

Well, we're not gonna stop off some shit hole gas station or some fucked-up old

guy's gonna tell us we're all gonna die, right?

I wish.

There's no gas station down this road.

Um, is that really a good thing?

I mean, do we have enough gas or...

Babe, we got tons of gas.

I filled up before we left.

Don't fill you up when we get there.

That's disgusting.

Jamie, when was the last time you were up there?

About 10 years ago, when my stepmom disappeared.

That long ago?

What happened?

Well, my stepmom and my dad got into a fight, and then she just kind of disappeared.

But they looked for her, right?

Oh yeah, they looked for her.

Just couldn't find her.

Fucked up shit, bro.

I'm telling you, man, it's alien abduction.

Coming down from the sky out in the countryside here like this.

Actually, I was abducted funds.

What?

No one wants to hear your stories about your anal probe.

Wasn't... Some of us want to hear that story.

Did they use Lou?

Fuck you guys.

It happened, okay?

I believe you.

Shut up, Jamie.

Rick, it didn't fucking happen.

It did.

Babe, why didn't your dad just fell the place?

Oh, he tried.

For a couple years, but... Nobody wanted it!

Oh, finally.

Dude, that's probably about being cold as one in that here.

No, it's totally awesome right?

No, it's totally awesome, right?

Seriously?

Yes, seriously.

No wonder what I thought this place.

You didn't think about telling me that fucking earlier?

For fuck's sake, what's your problem?

You're always on that thing.

Yeah, everyone is.

Okay, and what if something happens out here?

Like what, dude?

Like, we're all gonna die?

You're knucked up, man.

Stop him.

Come here, come here.

Stop out.

Stop out here.

Come on, stop out, dude.

Come on.

Hey ya!

Who are you talking to, babe?

Everyone's waiting to go inside.

Come on.

Bouncing.

Hey, Rick, remember that time I came to you're out of just now.

Oh, sorry.

Yes.

This is nice.

Oh, the spot.

Hey, you're okay?

Yeah, I think so.

Oh my God, it's haunted.

Hey, uh, guys, I wasn't gonna say anything.

But, uh, I need to be really honest with you guys.

My puppet killed my stepmom when I was seven right in this cabin.

I don't know how I did it.

I think he has like supernatural powers or something.

Well, that totally never fucking happened.

Right?

For me.

Oh, thank God.

I cannot do ghosts.

There was this house I used to live in.

Oh, Beth.

And there was this entity.

Shh, shh, shh.

No one cares.

Jamie Bear, you can't say stuff like that.

I know.

I was just making a lot.

Just don't.

Something really stinks in here.

Oh, great.

There's a dead fucking body.

Her fuck-faced shit himself.

What fuck you looking at all for?

Because you fucking shit yourself.

You guys, it's probably just a little must, a little layer out.

Anyway, look, there's three bedrooms upstairs.

Oh, fucking sweet.

Rick gets the couch.

You're fucking serious, man.

Yeah, I'm fucking absurd.

Dude, you don't fuck with rules.

Fuck you.

Fuck me.

Yeah, fuck you.

You want to fuck me your fucking inches in there.

Guys, I always do this.

What?

Santa remembers who's not here nice.

Oh, shut the fuck are you talking about, man.

I'll fuck you.

What dick, Jamie, huh?

Where is the bathroom?

It's just right around the corner.

We just need to go to bed.

We're going to pee.

You're going to love it.

It's got a lot of lights.

So listen, I was thinking we go to the car, we

get all this stuff, we come back in, we chill out.

Rick, do you want to build a fire?

Great.

The woods right around the corner.

Whatever.

He's not going to do that, is he?

No.

Okay.

I'm going to do it.

Okay.

But da-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-da.

Jesus!

Ow!

Why so jumpy?

I don't know.

Something about this place.

Relax.

We're here to have fun, remember?

Yay.

I'm gonna start the fire.

I'm gonna start the fire.

Cool.

Where it is?

What?

Hey, do you lock up?

Hand me the keys.

Why?

Because you never misplaced your keys in a cabin in the woods situation.

Everybody knows that shit.

I'm not with this shit again, seriously.

Yes, this shit again.

Now hand me the fucking keys, you cock sucker.

What the fuck.

Sweet.

Okay, everyone, pay attention.

Keys going into my right front pocket.

Cool?

Cool.

Everybody's gonna have a big comment.

Oh, wonderful.

Cheers!

Merry Christmas!

Hey!

Happy Christmas!

I don't fucking hate Christmas.

Who the fuck hates Christmas?

Why would you do that?

I love Christmas.

Right?

It's so sparkly and pretty.

Oh, dear.

Okay, shut up.

I beg, beg, beg.

I got a Christmas package for you.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

receipt, I might want a bigger size.

Whoa!

You are totally gonna need that, trust me.

Yeah.

Well, at least I don't have to Christmas shop anymore.

What?

I did it like a month ago.

Good for you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, hey guys, check this out.

Are you up for a horror Christmas movie night?

My mom has the best VHS collection of horror films.

It's amazing!

Amazing, yeah, VHS collection, huh?

What, you had it fucking stored off?

with your Atari.

Yeah, you got a new year Xbox 360.

What the fuck are you talking about?

No, listen, listen.

Zombie Santa 1.

Classic.

Zombie Santa 2, even better.

Now, Zombie Santa 8, it is the revenge of Mrs. Claus.

Oh, my favorite.

No, no, my favorite, my favorite.

Trevenge.

You guys are gonna get your minds blown.

Me and my mom watch it all the time.

Let's watch it!

It's so good.

It sucks.

It doesn't suck, you guys.

You guys will see.

We're gonna go down to the cellar.

We're gonna find these VHS tapes, and we are gonna have a movie now!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What fuck do you think you're doing?

Do you know what's down there?

A seller?

Do you know what happens in cellar?

It's kinda creepy.

People fucking die.

It's all right, bro.

I'll protect ya.

Look, if you're scared, you don't have to go.

Not scared.

You're so hot.

Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro.

Oh,

it looks like an episode of hoarders down here.

Hey, look at that.

Wow.

I haven't been down here since I was a kid.

Oh.

There's a lot of crap down here.

Oh, no way.

Slaughter Magazine, yeah!

Oh my god, look at all the Christmas decorations!

This is amazing!

Yeah.

My mom really, really liked Christmas.

Came in second to Halloween.

Come here.

Oh!

How did that just fall over on its own?

Simon?

Simon?

Oh, is this your little buddy?

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Is this, is this him?

Is this the cure of my bed?

Jesse, give him back to me.

Jesse, give him back.

It's not funny.

Can you give him back?

Okay.

I...

You're right.

Thank you.

No, you're...

Oh, wow.

Hello, Simon.

My name is Jesse.

I'm Jamie's new girlfriend.

What's that?

You want to say something?

I can't hear you.

You gotta speak up.

What?

He wants to come upstairs and meet her.

Jesse, come on.

Hurry up!

Hey, guys!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hold on, hold on, go, go, guys.

I would like you to meet.

Jamie's little buddies.

Wait, wait.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We're bringing weird shit up from the basement now?

He's pretty.

cute, but pretty ugly too.

Come back.

Oh, bro, is that guy really yours?

You don't imagine the shit you guys used to do together, huh?

Yo, his ass is pretty fucking stressed out, guys.

Like, loose is... Come on, you guys, you guys are being dummies.

It's so tight, it's really tight.

Okay.

Hey, hey, guys, I just want to let you know I like it so hard and so deep.

Jamie, did you sleep with him when you were little?

Ooh.

No, I didn't sleep with him.

Yeah, you did run.

Could you please tell us where you touched the puppet?

Look, just stop it, okay?

Is that what he said to you?

Bring it, me.

Stop it.

You always kind of notice he's... Fuck, I'm high, man.

Oh, fuck!

See you, Simon.

Yeah, shit.

I'm fucking high.

Shit.

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah, bro.

Yeah, bro.

Yeah, bro.

Okay, you guys, just stop and leave Simon alone.

Jimmy.

Hey.

Jamie, look, man.

We were just fucking with you, man.

Jamie.

Come here.

I know.

You guys were just being really mean to me, and I was... I didn't like it.

Here, take something.

Okay, we're sorry.

All right?

Okay, thanks.

You sure, you good?

Yeah.

You want a bro-off?

Bro-off?

You want a bro-off, Jamie?

Bro-brough?

Bro-off?

Say it.

Bro-off, okay.

Bro-brot, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, five, five.

Go, okay, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro,

bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro.

Bro, bro, bro, bro.

Ah, boom!

Go ahead, go.

Bro.

Dye, Dye, Dye, Dye Dye.

Hello?

Oh.

It's you, Simon.

But I'm someone dangerous.

It is someone dangerous, Demi.

Oh, Simon, come on, that's not very nice.

Curtis, come on, man.

I can tell that's you.

No, it's not Jamie.

You're right, it's not Jamie.

Fuck!

What?

God, I fucking hate you people so much.

You know, test me again, Jamie.

Test me again, see what's what's happening, because I'll break it off in you, man.

I'll break it off in there.

Shh.

Jesse?

Hey, you guys?

I think I heard Jesse scream.

Jesse?

You guys.

Shame me.

You just killed your friends.

Oh.

No.

Why would you do that?

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no.

Oh!

Hey, Swoops.

Let's get out.

I'll make breakfast.

No.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, what a night.

You want coffee?

Yeah, coffee.

Good morning to you.

Good morning to you.

Yeah.

I'm gonna make a fire.

Oh, fuck your fire, Jamie.

Fuck.

Just want coffee.

Broke.

Coffee, please.

It's coming.

Oh, shh.

Hey, guys, where's Rick?

It wasn't down here when you showed up?

Mm-mm.

Man, he's probably pissed about the bed.

Oh.

You're alive.

Yeah.

What cost?

We're just cold in here Gotcha Come here I'll warm me up Don't ever Go ahead

Alright Gonna go find Rick Hi

What's up What's up man?

I'm looking for you We're all inside Cool You want to Come in Hang out Make the best

of this thing Not particularly, no.

That's cool.

Just hang out here, fuck around on your phone the whole time.

You sat on, what, a chance to form some solid relationships.

Yeah, sounds pretty good to me.

Look.

Dude, I'll take the couch tonight.

Okay, you can have the bed.

Maybe that'll make you feel better.

Thanks.

You're welcome You're friends are dicks, by the way They're not good Came me

fucking around with me with that puppet last night Yeah It means he likes you He

likes me Yeah, dude That's what friends do They fuck with each other You gotta stop

being so sensitive, man Stop taking shit personally

Just take the bedroom upstairs Okay Nobody's gonna mess with you there

All right I'll get my stuff Okay

after you take some time ease the fuck up maybe you come down and we hang out for a

bit I'll fucking think about it you'll think about it okay

I'll take that I love you that's enough oh thank you oh

thank you

check it out we are all good and all I had to

do is give me my room You get him the big room?

Bitch move, bro.

It's no way to assert dominance.

Oh, but you guys are getting along now.

Yeah, fucking finally, right?

For how long?

Well, go fuck yourself, Jesse.

Hey, good morning.

Maybe he should have just stayed home in the first place?

No, no, no, no.

Little brothers are always insufferable shit.

Oh, hey, which one of you guys put Simon in my room?

Curtis?

No, no, I didn't put Simon in your fucking bed.

Don't look at me, bro.

No?

I did.

We had a threesome.

It was awesome.

He's an amazing lover.

Shut up.

Maybe you brought him to bed.

Mm -mm.

I remember I put him outside of the bedroom.

Admit it.

You and Simon kind of have a little thing going on.

Oh, are you jealous?

Maybe.

You guys totally did it.

And then they added the puppet.

That's what I was saying.

They did it with Simon.

Right, that's what I'm saying too.

Getting all that furry dick up in your mouth of it did.

Fucking piece of wood piece of shit.

You get up there, motherfucker.

Okay, here we go.

Fuck you.

Ah!

Woo!

You're so manly.

Like that shit, huh?

You're like a... Lumber Sexual.

What'd you call me?

A lumber sexual?

You know you wear a plaid shirt, grow beard, wear a little wool hat?

Seriously?

Fucking pussies.

Yo, me!

Whoa!

Nice job!

Right.

Hey, you know what you guys should do?

There's trails out there.

You should take Brooke for a hike.

Oh, yeah.

Or maybe... That'll be good.

We should go get a little hot soak because you're getting really tired.

Fuck that shit.

I'm not getting tired.

Babe.

12% body fat.

Okay, I can do this shit all day long.

I can do the shit with one hand.

Do it with one hand.

Do it with one hand.

Like right now?

Yeah.

Fuck that.

I'll do with one... I'll do with one hand.

Whoa!

Um... So you're just gonna hang out with your friends, drink beer all day and...

You know what?

Excuse me.

Pendegos.

What the fuck?

What's up in the hell?

Dude, what's up?

Nothing.

I just had this bad feeling, but it's...

It's nothing.

Are you serious right now?

You know when anybody says they've got a bad

feeling about this, they all fucking die?

Oh, that's true.

Yeah.

It's called Fochstein away.

Oh my gosh, I had... Last night was pretty fun.

Yeah, it worked up pretty good.

Isn't there still... Oh, here.

Yeah, it should be there.

Yeah, hold on.

What are you doing?

You know what?

We should totally stick him at the top of the truth.

A hell no.

I think we've had enough of Simon for a while.

Enough of this Halloween shit.

It's Christmas time.

Hello.

I'm so sorry to be bothering you, but a janitor just found that new

medication that they gave your son discarded.

New medication?

What for?

I've told you that.

My son just has a very vivid imagination.

Wouldn't hurt a fly.

Robert, your son has an unhealthy.

obsession with horror movies.

He has difficulty telling them from real life.

And tomorrow is the 10-year anniversary of that night which started all of this.

I don't feel comfortable with him being in that

house this time of year, especially unsupervised.

Hello?

Yeah, like this.

Is that sexy?

Yeah, kiss my nose.

Is that sexy?

My neck.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

Okay, take off her pants.

Don't take off her pants.

Yes.

Take off your pants.

Oh, that's good.

That's really good.

It's really good.

Wait, wait.

All right here, yeah.

Wait.

Do you have a condo?

Yeah, totally.

Totally.

Do you have a condo?

What?

Okay.

Go?

Um.

Go!

Okay, uh, okay.

Oh, okay, fuck.

Okay, come.

Okay, come on.

Come on, come, come.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Okay, good, good, get in.

We're stuck.

Oh, come.

Come, come.

Hello.

Hello.

There.

I need to

What took you so long?

Did you get what I wanted?

Oh,

you're so cold

But that's okay.

The best part is just to get more warm and more wet.

Yeah, keep it down!

I'm a child for God's sake!

Okay, it's all fine.

No, it isn't.

Yes, it is.

I can't do this I'm your sister and I love you but this is a dead body in the trunk

no one's gonna find out about this I promise fuck what

can you've just broken up with him like normal people do

you're I'm right Simon you stupid puppet holy

fuck off you ready hell yeah I'm ready Treehouse!

What the shit is this?

Dude, he must have been drunk when he wrote this.

We got fucking beers in the kitchen.

Well, why would they walk and not take the van?

Oh, honey, you have absolutely no sense of romance.

No, guys, guys, I've got the keys in my front pocket.

It's important, you gotta remember that.

Fuck this place!

What hell is this problem?

Rick!

Rick, wait.

The fucking puppet's alive, man.

What?

It was on the hot tub.

It looked at me.

Dude.

You just been smoking too much weed, man.

Weed doesn't make you hallucinate, Curtis.

What's your problem, man?

Trying to have a good time here and you're fucking it up.

What, you don't fucking believe me?

Of course I don't believe you.

You know, fuck you.

Fuck all you guys.

You should never come here.

You're just gonna leave.

Yeah, I'm gonna leave.

Be a little pussy, as always.

Fuck you, man.

Fuck me?

Yeah, fuck you.

You know what?

Go off.

Fuck yourself in the woods.

Fucking asshole.

He just needs to walk-Shut the fuck up.

Rick and Lee have been gone a long time.

Maybe they ran into Rick.

What are you looking for?

Simon?

I haven't seen him.

Maybe he's playing hide and seek.

I'm sorry, what?

You know, I'm gonna go out and find Rick.

Do you think maybe he just went home?

I don't know, but my parents are gonna kill me if anything happens to him.

That is so true.

You never go off in the woods alone.

Jamie, let's go.

Wait, now you're just gonna leave me here all alone?

Yeah.

That's okay.

We'll be back soon.

I don't give it care.

Hey, Jamie, let's go.

Have fun.

Ray!

Dude, my bad, bro!

All right?

I'm sorry, I... I was the one that overreacted.

There wasn't...

Hey!

Hey!

Oh, hey.

You just shut up about Simon.

That's yourself.

Mm-hmm.

Try to add normal.

Hi.

Hey, how you doing?

I car broke down.

Oh, shit, that sucks.

Where'd your car break down?

A few miles down the ride.

It's a long walk.

Yeah.

Hey, by the way, my name's Curtis.

This is Jamie.

Hi.

I'm Tina, and this is Heather, my sister.

Obviously.

Yeah.

So do you have a phone?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All of us have phones.

And all of us have phones.

Uh, it's just, there's shit signal out here, so they're fucking pointless, right?

We?

Yeah, there's a bunch of us staying at my dad's cabin.

It's, it's just up the road.

Okay.

Uh, why don't you, uh, come back to the cabin with a super warm in there?

We got some beers.

Yeah, that sounds good.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Christmas time in the city.

He's funny all the time.

Right?

Please, please.

I am being nice.

Please go back.

Jamie?

Lee?

Curtis?

This isn't funny, you guys.

Who's the matter with you?

Simon!

You found him!

Found Simon!

Hello?

Oh, hey, yeah.

The car broke down.

Yeah, we're going to keep them warm.

Come on in, come on in.

So, uh, anything from Lee or Brooke yet?

No, not that anything would go through, though.

Oh, fuck, right.

We can't call a tow truck.

I can drive you to town, though.

You guys can stay here.

Yeah, more the merrier, right?

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Okay Yeah, I'm sure Rick is just... He went home.

Yeah, you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Well, the bus station's fucking far away though.

Well, but it makes sense.

I mean, it's a long way to go, but don't underestimate

a little brother who's trying to prove a point.

Why was Simon outside?

Excuse me?

Rick said his eyes moved.

And Liam Brooke... have disappeared, and now Rick has disappeared.

Oh,

I think something really, really bad happened.

Seriously.

And Simon did what exactly, Jamie?

Killed him?

Jamie, buddy.

Can I see Simon for a second?

Um, I'm gonna be really nice, I promise.

Okay, right?

Hey, you little Muppet show, reject.

You're going on the fire.

No, no, no, no, not in the fire.

No, no, Jamie!

Curtis, will-Jamie, stop it!

Brooke and Lee went to the liquor store on Christmas.

They're taking forever because that's how life works.

Liquor stores miles away, and Rick said... Rick said stupid shit all the time.

He was abducted by fucking aliens, Jamie.

Wake up!

Just give me...

Stop it.

You're being fucking psycho.

I've had enough of this puppet.

Jess, you believe me, right?

Nobody does, Jamie.

You have given this puppet way too much power.

Can't you see that?

Simon didn't kill Brooke or Lee or Rick or your stepmom.

No, my... No, she left because she didn't want to be here anymore, Jamie.

I know you went through so much losing your mom when you were young.

I get it.

And it's okay.

I am here for you, and you can let him go.

Who do you love?

You.

I love you.

Let's go.

Ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas!

I'm being a good boy, so Santa brings me lots of presents!

Now I hope my childhood puppet doesn't kill me and my friends this weekend.

So if I don't answer, can you please check on me?

Merry Christmas!

No, just don't!

Don't!

Don't just throw it on like that.

To place each strand like this.

Oh, totally.

Fuck, yeah.

Okay.

Don't!

Looks good like that.

It looks good to me.

Right?

Yeah.

It's too quiet.

Hardin.

Hey, hey, ladies, what do you do?

Oh, I'm studying anthropology and Heather's into physics and shit.

Fucking sweet, man.

Love girls with big brains.

Oh.

Where were you ladies headed?

What are you a fucking cop?

What were you, like, burying a ball?

or something.

That's exactly what we were doing.

Jamie, they're just joking around, man.

It's all good.

Fuck.

Okay, which one of you asked fucks was throwing rocks at the window?

Excuse me?

Some pervert was throwing rocks at the bathroom window.

Ten bucks says that's Lee.

No, no, that's fucking Rick.

No, Curtis, it's not Rick.

You're always sticking up for him.

Yeah, because he's a little brother.

So what if he's my little brother?

You can't get away with that shit anymore.

Calm down.

He's fucking my good time.

Fuck that.

Fuck that.

Fuck him.

Rick?

Chris?

Rick!

Fuck, come on, Rick!

Chris!

Simon's gone.

What the fuck are you talking about?

We just torched him.

No, no, no.

He's not in there anymore.

Fuck, Jamie.

Did you take him out?

You took him out, didn't you?

I did it, honest.

Jamie, really?

We just had a breakthrough.

I'm not lying.

I'm not lying.

Come on, you guys.

Fuck you, Jamie!

God damn it, Rick!

Where the fuck are you going?

Oh, son of a fuck.

Curtis, what is the deal with this puppet?

It's probably some kind of epic in-joke they have going on.

It's not an epic in-joke we have going on.

You're just fucking crazy.

Oh, cool.

That's what I was hoping for.

Curtis, Curtis, look!

Look, look, look, I told you.

See?

That's it right there.

I found underneath the bathroom window.

Jamie, it's just a fucking rock, buddy.

I know, but it's Simon's, and I...

It's just a rock.

I'm going to find Simon, and I'm going to prove it to you.

Jamie, you motherfucker!

Oh, man, I don't want to be doing this wood shit, man.

Dude, I don't like the woods.

Fuck you, bro!

Rick!

Credit-Fuck me!

Fuck!

It's just me.

You, yeah.

Yeah, I knew that.

Really?

You screamed, though.

No.

Okay.

So, uh, what do you doing out here?

I wanted to help you with Rick.

I mean, Heather pulls this kind of shit all the time.

Right.

Rob.

I'm okay, thanks.

No, no, the woods aren't so bad.

You're not all alone?

Okay.

Hey.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Um, you want to smoke a joint or something?

Not that I'm a virgin or anything.

Oh,

you're gonna die a virgin, that's sad.

But you're a puppet, you're fucking dead!

What pet bitch?

I'm a phoenix rising from the ashes.

What's wrong?

Where's Rick?

I haven't killed Tina.

Rick's dead.

Holy shit.

How much have you been smoking?

What a fucking stupid thing to say.

A puppet killed my twin.

Yeah, yeah, fucking puppet killed your twin.

He's back.

Yeah, Jamie, he's fucking back, man.

That's what they do.

They always come back, all right?

You gotta fucking double tap!

We're dead because of you

Why are you fucking with him?

I'm not fucking with you.

Yes, you are.

I tried to warn you guys.

I tried to warn all you guys.

That's it.

I'm out.

No, you're not out.

He was right on my ass.

Not the fuck on my way.

Back the fuck up!

You people are fucking quiet enough!

Stop it!

You're back here!

Hey, hey, what the fuck are you doing?

Is you did it?

something for her a rip out for your dick and shove it so far up your ass you'll be

able to fellace yourself god dear fuck jimmy you were right i know don't stop it

god damn he killed rick i know tina is not real tina kina's fucking dead don't say

that hello killer puppet are you out there killer puppet my ass Goh!

Oh my God!

Come on, go!

Come on, go!

Go, go!

Go, we need to go, we need!

What the fuck!

Welcome to my nightmare, motherfucker!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

No, no, no, no!

Simon?

Please stop this, okay?

I... I...

Oh!

Shit!

Simon!

Heather!

Get him in!

Heather, you got to open the door, Jesse, he's going to kill her.

How do I know you're not him?

Because if you open the door, you'll see that it's me.

Heather, come on.

That's what you wouldn't want me to think.

I'd seen my fair share of horror movies.

Tell you know.

For the truth.

What the fuck!

You got to open the door right now.

I can't let you in.

I don't open.

You're the right one!

This is how people get killed in horror movies!

Oh shit.

This is funny.

I'm...

Rick!

I'm coming in!

I've told you with me!

I just saw a puppet!

murder your friends.

So excuse me for exercising on that little fucking caution.

No.

First my touch to fade, then my slice your nose, and my poor love you.

This can be happening?

Yes, it is.

Don't you remember?

Come on.

Think hard, Jamie Bear.

Oh, yeah!

On this lady in this hour, I call upon a sacred power.

Bring life to everything in this space.

Bring life to everything in this place.

It shall walk and chill to talk.

What that, Jamie Bear?

I didn't put him there.

He must have did it himself!

Stop lying.

I'm not lying.

Yes you are.

Oh, that's high me.

We got to get the fuck out of here.

Hey!

How we have to go now!

Let's get in the van.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

What are you waiting for?

Let's go!

Where are the keys?

I've got the keys in my front pocket.

It's important.

You got to remember that.

Come on, come on, come.

Come on, come.

I got it!

I got it!

I got it!

Come on, come on, come on!

Come on, come on!

Come on!

It won't start!

It won't start!

Roll down the window.

And check.

No, no, no!

No!

No!

Oh.

Oh.

No.

Why?

What?

I can't get back.

I can't get back.

Oh.

I'm here.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Just leave me alone.

Leave me alone, Simon, please.

Stop it.

Just leave me alone.

It ends now.

Come on, Simon.

I'm not scared of you.

Owl.

You're a player with me, Jamie!

Knock my head!

No!

My head!

No!

No!

No!

No!

Give me back my hat!

Give me back my hand.

I don't

want to play anymore.

Oh my God.

What is?

Oh, no, no, no.

Simon.

Just

couldn't find her.

I'm really sorry you saw that, Jamie.

Do

you want to watch a movie?

Bloodbath Marathon?

Just like when we were kids.

You were right, Simon.

You are my best friend.

It'll be like I never laugh.

Pick me up.

There you go.

Just like old times, huh?

So sorry, little buddy.

I'm sorry that I killed all your friends.

Really?

That influence.

You know who your only friend is.

Come on, Jamie.

Day it.

You.

Yay!

Jamie?

Jamie?

Yes, Simon?

Can you put me on your hand?

like we used to and make my voice?

Please.

We used to have so much fun together.

Remember the tree house?

Hey, tickle fights?

Oh,

and my favorite, peekaboo.

I love pika-pooh.

You love me too, right?

Oh, there's that smile.

Just you and me.

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

So,

what do we do now, Simon?

Well, we already killed all your friends, so that's...

Very fucking Christmas.

Oh my God, no.

Is that a puppet?

Dad, thank God you're here.

Put your hands up.

No.

No, no.

It wasn't me.

It was Simon.

It's okay, son.

No, Dad, you gotta believe me it was Simon.

Okay, calm down.

Where are the others?

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

It was Simon.

Simon did it.

Simon, please tell him.

Simon, Simon, tell him.

Say something.

I killed him all, and it was fun.

No, no, but please.

Dad, you got to believe me.

If anybody believes me, Dad, it was you.

Please, Dad.

It was Simon.

Simon did this.

I found him.

And he found me.

That's why I came back.

I wanted... Dad, please, you gotta believe me, Dad.

Somebody's been watching too many horror movies.

Dad.

Dad, you gotta believe me.

I didn't do this.

Mr. Officer, I didn't do this.

I would never kill my friend.

I love my friends.

Dad, it was Simon, and he's alive.

And he can walk and he can talk, and he's pretty friggin' strong, too.

And he made all these weapons, Dad.

He made them all.

He from my favorite horror movies, and he acted him out.

He acted really freaking good, too.

He's crazy.

If you're just joining us tonight, a teenager with a history of mental

disorders has murdered his group of friends In a tragedy police are saying was

fond by a crazed mind obsessed with horror movies.

A puppet was found at the scene, which the killer

has claimed was responsible for the murders.

Remains of his deceased stepmother were found in a home cellar.

Due to the bizarre nature of the murders,

the police have dubbed him the puppet killer.

Everybody, everybody's got a flipside Show me yours

and I'll say I'm mine Show you're mine Show you're mine

Show me ones and I'll show you mine Mine Mine, mine Mine, mine, mine, mine,

this is mine, mine.

Oh, everybody, everybody at the flipside.

Show me yours and I'll show you at mine.

Yeah.

But everybody, everybody at the flip side.

Show me yours and I'll show you mine.

Show you're mine.

Show ya.