Original subtitles

- Why are we doing this again?

- We've been running these experiments forever

with varying degrees of success.

- If by "varying," you mean none.

- No, that's not true!

Also, yes.

Maybe we just need the outside opinion of an expert.

- "Seven Habits of Highly Popular People: Actor Edition"?

- It explains all the traits you need

to become a popular actor, and it even

has a personality test on the back to show

you what you need to work on.

- So, this is what we've come to, plagiarizing

the work of others?

- No!

Just seeing what works for other people

and adapting it to our needs.

- OK, I'll bite.

In the name of science.

- Great.

Fasten your seat belt, Julie Graham-Chang.

We're about to skyrocket to the top

by taking a multiple choice test about our personalities.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, yeah!

Oh, hey!

Oh, yeah!

- What'd you get?

- I think this is broken.

It says I exhibit thrill-seeking behaviors.

That's ridiculous.

Everyone knows the only thrill I

seek is changing the percentage of cocoa on my chocolate.

- Did you make it all the way to 90%?

- I couldn't make it past the 85% threshold.

- Oh.

But still, that's not your only thrill.

- This has gone too far!

I thought I was being a rebel by breaking the rules,

but I'm not.

I'm a chicken.

And I'm shutting this down.

- Too late.

Once the toothpaste is out, there's no

putting it back in the tube.

Toothpaste.

all: Toothpaste! Toothpaste!

- Then I volunteer as tribute.

[all gasp]

I started this mess.

It's only right I end it.

Dimitri, helmet.

[upbeat music]

- Ready, set, go!

- Ahh!

Oh!

Eh.

- Huh.

Wait a sec.

I think mine's wrong, too.

It says, you enjoy the spotlight.

I don't enjoy the spotlight.

The spotlight enjoys me.

[singing in hebrew]

Amen

[applause] - Whoo!

[soft music]

- Look at what we've done

- You know it's bad

We polluted a ton

- Do you ever think with all we knew

If we came together to see this through

- After all, there's only one who knows just what to do

- And that's me!

Me and only me

I am just what this world needs

Save the forests and the trees

From collapsing misery

It's me and only me

- You go in that ring, and it will be your last fight.

- A British accent-- you can judge a good actor just

by the way they do accents.

- Listen, kid-- nope, that's Aussie.

Listen. No, never mind.

Listen, kid.

I've been boxing longer than you've been alive.

You might knock me out, but you'll never keep me down!

- This is better than the movie.

[soft music]

- I guess this is goodbye.

You weren't my hero to start.

But you sure are my hero now.

- Oh!

[applause]

Real tears!

Those are real tears!

Take note!

- I still should have gotten that monologue.

- That's probably why your test says you are too competitive.

- I really don't get that one.

I'm definitely way less competitive than you.

- No way.

I'm way less competitive.

- Name one time I've ever been competitive.

The skip-a-thon's coming up, and nobody

cares about winning.

- [sighs] It's so typical.

But hey, what makes you care about winning?

- My experiment with Julie.

- Mm-hmm. - And I love pizza parties.

- Mm-hmm.

- And the taste of victory is the most

intoxicating thing in the world.

- Mm-hmm.

[upbeat music]

Thanks for agreeing to come try.

Because I think we have a shot.

- Well, that makes one of us.

- We're over an hour in, and by some miracle,

Spit Valve is still going, but fading fast.

- You got this, SV!

- I really don't.

- Yes, you do, and I know exactly

what you need to keep going.

- Um, what are you doing?

- Come on, Spit Valve! You can do it!

[jazz music playing]

- Lydia, he's losing steam.

- Is that atonal jazz in 9/8 time?

- This is my jam!

- You got this.

We need you for nine more minutes!

- I got this.

[intense music]

- On "Conspiracies and Coincidences,"

are aliens living in your very own backyard?

For the next half hour, we'll tell you

why the shadow government is keeping it from you.

Here are the straight facts.

- Yes! This is my jam!

- I'm sorry, Pheebs.

I didn't know what to play to pump you up!

- Don't worry, boss.

I'll just keep on skipping.

Whatever you need.

- That's it.

Phoebe, I'm so, so proud of you.

And I'm making you assistant captain.

- Really?

- I can't believe it.

Somehow, validation from someone she looks up to

is enough to motivate Phoebe, and somehow, that's Lydia?

[cheers and applause]

Seconds left.

Five, four--

- Three, two, one!

[buzzer]

[cheers and applause]

- Guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, against all odds,

a group of kids with moisturizing

ointment for a name have won the skip-a-thon!

[exciting music]

- Well, according to this book, a competitive edge

is necessary for success as a popular actor.

- How does an unrelenting need to outdo people possibly

make you popular?

- Well, you can't win an EGOT without breaking

a few legs first.

- Do you mean as in good luck or actually breaking legs?

- I said what I said.

[whimsical music]

OK, so my competitiveness may be a strength and a weakness.

- Um, heh.

- But that's only because I have

loads of the next trait you need to be successful--

perseverance.

In fact, we both do.

- Are you kidding?

I have no resiliency at all.

- That's just not true.

- Well, I have good news and bad news.

- OK.

- I made the team.

- [screams] Oh, my God!

You made the team? That's incredible news!

What position are you?

- Sitting on the bench. I'm Deirdre's backup.

- That is bad news.

I'm so sorry. - What?

No, that was the good news.

I get to be on the field hockey team

without ever having to play field hockey.

- So, then, what's the bad news?

- Well, there's one more thing I have to do if I'm

on the field hockey team.

- Mm-hmm?

- Initiation.

- So?

You get to hang out with them and learn about being popular.

- Or they'll figure out I'm not really a jock

and bully me for the rest of the school year?

Sorry, Lydia, but there's absolutely no way

you can talk me into this one.

[upbeat music]

- And go!

- Where? - Now!

- Now?

- Just run!

Julie, you have to--

run back.

- Have the ball in line with your left foot, and swing.

- Ha!

Look.

Kelly, Deirdre, I appreciate your enthusiasm.

Both my dads tried to teach me how to catch a ball.

But both gave up.

I suggest you do the same.

- We believe in you, Julie Graham-Chang.

[cheering]

- See?

You stuck it out, and everything

worked out in the end.

- If by "work out," you mean narrowly

avoid being the laughingstock of the school.

- [grunting]

Ugh.

OK.

Ugh!

I need painkillers, rest, and a snowsuit, but not in the way

you think-- an actual suit made out of snow to ice my body.

I'm never going to get this.

- Of course you are.

You just got to believe in yourself.

- Really?

You think a lack of confidence is my issue?

- Right, because you'll be a failure your whole life

if you don't land an ollie.

- Too far in the other direction.

- Lyds, look.

I believe in you.

OK?

Maybe for the only time in your life,

I'm cheering for you to succeed.

- [gasps] Oh, my gosh!

That was the greatest!

[shrieks]

[soft percussive music]

Good enough.

OK, so we fail sometimes.

- We fail a lot.

Do you think it's because we overthink things?

- Overthink?

That's not something I ever worry about.

- You're right.

I'm just probably overthinking that, unless--

- We get more popular

while the dweebs get dweebier.

Why does everyone love him so much?

He thinks wedgies are the highest form of comedy.

Impeccable teeth, perfect hair, and--

- Oh, yeah, E-watches. - Bow headphones.

- Fabulosity.

- Evan, Portia, and Dawn--

- He's never worn the same pair twice.

- Spit Valve?

- Julie?

Julie?

You're spiraling.

Come back.

- Sorry.

Got lost in there.

Thank goodness I have you here, though.

I can't imagine being in middle school without you.

- Same.

Is that why the book says we're completely codependent?

Is that a bad thing?

- Well, the book says it can mean we have trouble forming

healthy relationships with others, having

our own opinions, and we value the approval of someone

else over our own thoughts.

- I think this is totally wrong.

Just because we love each other doesn't

mean we're completely codependent,

unless you think we are?

- I don't know.

What do you think?

- We can't sit together?

We always eat lunch together.

[soft music]

Sometimes you have to give something up

to be part of the popular group.

It's worth it, right?

- I miss Lydia.

- I miss Julie.

[upbeat music]

- Hey, Mr. Graham.

- Hey.

- Hey, Melody.

Uh, where's Lydia?

- Is Julie home?

- I think Julie is with her "friends."

- I think Lydia is with her friends.

- Oh. - Oh.

- Please welcome our skip-a-thon champs.

- Where's the rest of them?

[Lazzzy Party's "On a Roll" playing]

- Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya

Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya

Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya

Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya

I see you doing, I like it, too

- Is this the Lydie-Bop?

- That rhythm make it move

Yeah, I see what you started

Everybody in the room

They want it now, they want it now

Let's give it to them

We're on a roll together, singing ya, ya, whoa-oh

We're on another level, singing ya, ya, whoa-oh

- Hey.

- You came.

- Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya

Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya

Anybody like disco?

Yeah

'Cause I do

I like rock and roll, too, mm-hmm

Anybody want to party?

Yeah

'Cause I do

We could lie down, let the bass boom

That's how we do

All right, all right, hey, let me talk to you

- Psht, we're totally fine.

[both sigh]

- Where are you going?

- To get a drink?

Do you want to come with?

- Obviously.

OK, it looks like the next trait we need

is courage, courage to express your feelings.

Easy.

- Really?

Remember that one time you punched Chuck?

- I never punched Chuck.

- Hm.

- I punched Chuck.

- Why?

- I don't know if I'm ready for this.

- We can always try again tomorrow,

something less ambitious.

Or if you want, we could just hang.

- Is he asking me out?

No, what if he's not?

- So, what do you think?

- That'd be fun!

Buddy.

- OK.

- Did it really happen like that?

I might have blocked it out.

- Yeah, you tend to block out any and all

Chuck-related embarrassment.

Do you remember your audition?

- I'd rather not.

Oh, it's happening.

I didn't know how you liked it so I just put six sugars.

- Oh, thanks.

You ready to go up there again?

- OK.

Just channel how you're feeling.

[soft piano music]

Dust has settled

Now you're just a memory

I've gone over every word you said to me

And I wonder what we could have been

'Cause I lost you, and she found you

And I just can't let you go

Was she smarter than me?

Loved a little harder than me?

Tell me what she was and I wasn't

Tell me what she did and I didn't

Baby, what do you see in her?

Maybe she's just her

Was she smarter than me?

Loved a little harder than me?

Tell me what she was that I wasn't

Tell me what she did that I didn't

Baby, what did you see in her?

Maybe she's just her

[applause]

- Whoo!

- Go, Lydia!

[applause]

- At least I sounded good.

- Because you had the courage to say how you feel.

Wait, am I quoting Ms. Harrington?

- Your piece isn't ready, or you're not ready?

Part of being an artist is having the courage

to show your work, to pour your guts on the floor,

and let the world know that's what's inside of you.

So, do you have it, Julie?

Do you have the courage?

[dramatic music]

- No, I don't. - Hmm.

- No, Dad, please!

- Julie, we came to see your work.

- James, is this really necessary?

- No, wait!

I really need to tell you something.

- I'm your father.

I'm going to come see your work.

Where is it?

- Wait, wait.

- We made these shirts for you and-- shirts.

- Where is it?

- We got it them bulk and--

- Is that--

- Us?

- Let me explain.

- No, I get it.

You're growing up.

I mean, it's really good, JuJu Bean.

It's not exactly subtle.

- I'm not your little girl anymore.

I've wanted to tell you, but I didn't want to upset you.

Are you mad?

- It's--

[soft music]

I just love it so much!

[sobbing]

- This might be worse.

- Oh, sweet pea.

We can never be upset with you for expressing how you feel,

especially when it's done this powerfully.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Come here, JuJu Bean.

- Wow, maybe this book is on to something.

Do we know who wrote it?

- Uh, Sage wrote the book?

- Did you check when you bought it?

- Who checks the author when you buy a book?

It was a bestseller on the theater website.

- Huh.

Maybe Sage has a better understanding

of the human condition than we thought.

- Nope.

She's a monster.

And nothing she says or does will ever change my mind.

- You're a really good friend.

Your voice is really coming along.

Maybe you'll get a solo this year.

I can't wait to hear what you sing.

Being partners with you has been some of the most

fun I've had in a long time.

I could never stay mad at my bestie.

That was amazing.

The best performance I've ever seen.

- See?

A total monster.

What does she know about being a successful actor anyway?

[soft piano music]

- People talk too much

Make you believe you're not enough

Raise your voice, drown them out

Tell the whole wide world

I'll be the star, the dream

The brightest light the world has seen

Through with the talk

And the doubting everything I've got

It's time to change my story

Turn the page

'Cause forever I'll be

The girl who's center stage

Center Sage

[cheers and applause]

- You were born to be in the theater, Sage.

- That's it.

We can't listen to Sage's advice.

We need to write our own book, just as soon as we're

finished collecting data.

- So much for this experiment.

I guess it's back to the drawing board.

[sighs]

[upbeat music]

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