Original subtitles

[playful music]

- Spit Valve's been gone for a month.

- I know.

I wonder where he's been?

- I heard he got an apartment in New York

and is living his dream--

playing at the Bowery Ballroom.

- I heard he was put in the Witness Protection Program

and goes by Heart Valve now.

- I heard he was abducted by aliens.

- I heard he's right over there.

- Hey, Spit Valve, where you been?

- Wouldn't you like to know?

- I don't get it; suddenly Spit Valve is the only thing

people are talking about.

What's the big deal?

[thoughtful music]

- Maybe because everyone's heard

rumors about where he's been.

Like, I heard he was playing music,

running from the mob, the alien mob.

- I don't think that was the rumor.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- That the alien technology would

easily hack into any Witness Protection database ever?

- Well, yes, but spreading a rumor about us,

it's the perfect way to make us popular.

- Mm.

- It's going to be great.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, yeah

All right

Oh, yeah

- Does having a rumor about you make you popular?

Isn't a rumor just a lie?

- It's not a lie.

It's a theoretical reality.

It's a known fact that Hollywood

producers circulate fake stories

to bump up ticket sales.

We just need to find the perfect rumor to make

us the talk of Mapleview.

We're backup dancers for Doja Cat.

Oh, maybe we're betrothed to the Duke of Hastings.

- Both of us?

Ugh.

- What about the time we designed a $1 million app.

- What does our app do?

- It's part of the mystery.

- I don't know, Lydia.

I have qualms.

- So you don't want to be part of NASA's

child astronaut pilot program?

- As much as I'd love to be part of your web of deceit,

I have a very important, can't-miss event that I

personally have been preparing for, for a whole year,

that I have to attend.

- You're running away and joining a boarding

school for warrior princesses?

- Actually, that's not that far off.

- Julie-san, are you prepared to face the demon hordes?

- Yes, Baba-san.

Fear not the crowds of FanimeCon.

Daddy-san, are you free to procure resources?

- Um, are you asking me to go pick up some more

foam at the craft store or--

- Mm-hmm.

- Are you sure you don't want to come to FanimeCon?

- You know, I know this is kind of your thing.

- We could make you an outfit and you

could be Hitoshi and wear the gauntlets of power.

- Or Miyazaki and shoot fireballs.

both: Pow, pow, pow.

- Well, which is the like Samantha of the group?

You know, like brash and blonde and flirty.

- Clearly, you haven't watched season two,

or you'd know the answer is Hitoshi.

- Sorry, but, you know, "Fists of Yamato"

is like 192 episodes.

- Yeah. - I'll never catch up in time.

- Not with that attitude. - Mm-hmm.

- Maybe you should just go without me.

- OK. - Mm-hmm.

- You know I'm going to swing by Grandma's.

I think she needs some company tonight.

- OK.

both: Have fun.

Say hi for us.

- (SOFTLY) All right, all right.

What's done, sure?

- OK.

- Oh, you forgot your phone hon...

Let me call Grandma.

- I'm just going to make sure I get that right.

- Hi, Genevieve.

- Hi, Grandma.

- James forgot his phone here.

Can you let him know when he's there?

You're not home.

You're at roller derby.

Oh, OK, have a good night.

That was weird, and not the 90-year-old participating

in a contact sport part.

- Maybe he's surprising her.

- Yeah, maybe.

- So I'm going to cut out the shirt.

[school bell rings]

- River, do I have a scoop for you.

- How many times have I heard that one?

What's up, Goldblatt?

- Well, I'm technically under an NDA.

But I'll let you in on it.

Guess who just booked the role of Starfire

in Marvel's new "Teen Titans" movie?

- "Teen Titans" is DC not Marvel.

- Like anyone watches enough superhero

movies to know the difference.

- Are you trying to start a rumor about yourself?

- No, I'm revealing interesting aspects of my life

for a human interest piece.

Yeah, OK, fine, I am.

But who couldn't use a good press cycle once in a while.

- I don't print fake news.

You know what? You should take this to Belmont Middle School.

This is exactly the type of trash

they'd print in their "Bugle."

- This is gold, River.

I could have gotten you an interview

with my uncle, Paul Rudd.

Oh, Chuck, sorry--

- It's OK.

I thought you were avoiding me.

But now I know it was for my own safety.

- I'm not avoiding you.

Neat bracelet.

- Oh, this?

Sage gave it to me.

She thought we should have matching bracelets, because--

- Because you're her boyfriend.

- Yeah.

- How is all of that going?

- I don't know.

Kind of weird.

Sage says she needs to mine her real life for her craft.

She's always taking notes about her relationship

and putting them in a book.

- Yeah, that's super-weird.

- I guess it's cool she's passionate about her art.

- Oh, are you guys talking about me?

Can you believe we've already been dating for a month?

I'm so excited for a one-month anniversary date.

- Are one-month anniversaries a thing?

- Definitely.

It's what Addison said.

- I guess we should go plan it.

- Yes.

- Have fun planning, you two lovebirds.

Oh, God.

- I heard a rumor that Lydia Goldblatt used to have

a crush on Chuck Cavilleri.

- What? No.

- Care to comment?

- It's Sage that's been desperately in love with Chuck

since forever.

She's obsessed, obsessed.

- Really.

Sources tell me Sage is capital O obsessed with Chuck,

and it could jeopardize her role as lead in the play.

What have you heard?

- I heard Sage makes Chuck wear a bracelet

with a tracking device so she knows

where he is at all times.

- I heard Sage stacked her deck at the Tarot card

reading to only get the love cards.

- I heard Sage made a love potion

and put it in Chuck's water bottle.

- (UNISON) Sage is a monster.

- I didn't put anything in your water bottle.

I never did any of those things.

- Why would people say it?

Why does everyone think you're obsessed with me?

- I don't know.

Maybe they're just jealous of how

awesome our relationship is.

- I don't think I can wear this.

[bracelet clacks]

[distorted music]

- That's not my fault, right?

[school bell rings]

- [sigh] I just don't understand

why people are talking about my personal life and not my work.

Like why can't they talk about my mattress store commercial?

- If I had to buy a mattress, I totally would

have bought one from there.

- I always assumed that being famous in the public eye

meant no one would ever make up stuff about me.

- People talk.

It's what they do.

The best way to make a rumor about you go away

is to not give it any airtime, like when

everyone thought I was the heir to the "Candy Crush" fortune.

- Wait, so you're not going to inherit millions of dollars?

- Not from "Candy Crush."

- I guess I could try to ignore it.

But it's just so hard when they say mean things about me.

They're saying I microchip Chuck.

- Mean things?

- Yeah.

- Oh, that's never happened to me before.

That must be really upsetting.

- It is.

- Has a parent ever lied to you?

- Yeah, only all the time.

My mom's always like, Lydia, that's

the same amount of Halloween candy you had last night.

Or I'm just going to the gym.

Why?

- I think dad's lying about where he went last night.

- It's your dad.

I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.

Unless he's part of a secret cult.

- Please don't.

I can't take a rumor about my family right now.

- Oh, that. I feel awful.

I mean sure, I'm not Sage's biggest fan.

- Nor her smallest fan.

- She doesn't deserve this.

They're saying she's a monster,

which is ridiculous, because clearly she's

more irritating than evil.

- That's why you shouldn't talk about people.

- In my defense, I only started that rumor

about Sage because there was going to be a rumor about me.

- You didn't want gossip to spread about you,

so you started to spread gossip about someone else?

- Yes, Julie, keep up.

- What is wrong with you?

- The rumor mill is a powerful, unpredictable machine.

Clearly there's only one way to stamp out

these awful lies about Sage.

I need a bigger rumor.

- Does it need more straps or less straps?

- You can never have too many straps.

- Hey, where are you off to, huh?

- Oh, I'm just heading over to Grandma's again

to deliver some groceries.

You know her.

Can't seem to learn Instacart.

- Well, tell her we say hi. - See ya.

- What are you doing?

- Hi, Grandma.

You don't happen to need any groceries, do you?

No, you get them delivered to you because you're

not a cavewoman.

OK, great to know.

Love you, see you soon.

- Come on.

- Juju, what are you doing?

Why don't we just focus on our costumes?

- Do you want to know why Dad lied two nights in a row?

Do you want to know where he's going?

What would Shiro the Warrior do?

- Battle the kuzus to gain enough crystals

to unlock the magical kingdom?

- What else?

- He's a tracker.

He'd follow James.

Let's go.

[funky music]

- It's a nice neighborhood.

- Maybe he's an undercover spy going to a safe house.

- Who is he spying for? - I don't know.

I'm just finding out this information now.

- Maybe he's Dad by daylight and Batman by night.

- Then he should really be using his wealth

to fight the cycle of crime and poverty

by investing in Gotham's social programs.

- Hey, where did he go?

- He disappeared.

Maybe he is Batman.

- I can't believe you spread those rumors

about Chuck and Sage.

- Me?

I didn't spread anything.

I was checking facts from a credible source.

You.

- Fine, I'll be the bigger person.

We're both at fault, and we need to fix this.

- OK.

- You need to set the record straight.

Sage isn't unhinged or obsessed with Chuck.

She's actually very nice.

Oh.

- Are you OK?

Did you eat something long past its expiry?

- Yogurt.

But Chuck and Sage have a healthy relationship.

They accept each other's flaws.

Like Sage accepts that Chuck's hair will always

be unruly in that dreamy way where it falls just slightly

over his eyes, and you can never tell if he's

actually looking at you, or--

- Lydia, yeah.

- And Chuck accepts that Sage isn't

the best singer in Mapleview.

- I can't print this.

- But most of all, Chuck accepts her quirks.

Sage writes all her feelings about him in this notebook.

And he doesn't think it's weird.

He supports her.

People need to know that.

- There's probably something to that.

I heard Sage writes about her relationship in a notebook,

and Chuck finds it weird.

- I heard Chuck doesn't like that she's an actress.

- I heard Chuck's low-key resentful

of Sage's method acting.

- Did you know Chuck told Sage it

was either him or the stage.

- [gasps]

- (UNISON) Chuck is a monster.

- How can you make me choose between you and acting?

- I'm not. I don't care.

- So you don't care about my passions?

- That's not what I meant.

- You know, maybe we shouldn't be together.

I need someone who supports my career.

- I need someone who isn't stalking me.

- Fine. - Fine.

- [sighs]

- Awesome.

Guess you heard all that.

- Yeah, and for what it's worth,

I don't think you're a monster.

- Yeah, well, Sage and the rest of the school do.

- Chuck, I--

[sighs]

[sad music]

[sighs]

[school bell rings]

- One minute we were following him,

the next minute he was gone.

- Maybe he went into one of the houses.

- Why would he go into a stranger's house?

- I don't know.

Maybe he's a vigilante detective, like Batman.

- We covered that.

- I heard his socks never match.

- No way.

- Is everyone at school whispering about Chuck?

They're saying such awful things about him.

He looks so sad.

- I feel awful.

I mean, I really wish they'd break up.

But I never wanted it to end like this.

- Honestly, it's for the best.

Sage is controlling and Chuck doesn't support her acting.

- Jules, that's not true.

- But everyone's been saying it.

I've heard it twenty times.

- Those are rumors.

From the rumor mill that I started.

I'm the mill.

- Lydia.

- This is all my fault. Sage and Chuck are so upset.

I need to fix this.

I need to get them to make up.

[gentle music]

- Addison, hey, what are you--

what are you doing?

- Just taking a moment to myself.

School gets so dramatic.

Sometimes you just need to slow down.

- Yeah, I hate drama.

I only spread love.

Speaking of which, if someone were

to throw a one-month anniversary date for Chuck

and Sage, what would they do?

- Oh, let me know who wants to do it,

and I can help them.

- It's me.

Addison, I want to.

- Oh, I don't know why you didn't just say that, but--

OK, first-month anniversary dates

are actually super-simple.

All you need is a super-fancy location, 25 candles,

a table linen with a 500-thread count.

- Hold on, hold on, I'm going to need to take notes.

- A playlist full of songs that are all inside jokes.

A private chef.

- OK, that's a must.

- And flowers.

Sage's favorite are, and you guessed it, sage.

- I thought sage was an herb.

- It's an herb, a flower, a spice.

You know, a real triple threat.

Hey, just like Sage the girl.

- You don't say.

- My mom has a florist on retainer.

Unless you want to use your mom's florist.

- Yeah, she does.

I usually would, but let's just go with yours.

Thanks for all your help.

Up top.

It's a high five, Addison.

- Oh.

[slaps]

[gentle music]

- It's so great that River is doing a profile on the play.

I'm happy to provide headshots if they need any.

What is this?

- So River is not doing a profile

on skateboarding culture.

- No, I'm not.

I'm helping Lydia because quote, "my thirst for drama

is ruining lives."

So sorry, guys.

- So what exactly are we doing here?

- Chuck, Sage, I know you've been fighting.

There's been a lot of things said about both of you,

but they're false.

Sage, Chuck thinks it's cool how you're dedicated

to your acting, and he's fine with you

taking notes in your notebook.

- Really?

- Chuck, Sage was never obsessed with you.

She just-- she likes you, a normal non-weird amount.

- Really?

- I brought both of you here because you should talk

and not let these rumors get in the way

of what could be a great relationship, or whatever.

- This was really cool of you, Lydia.

- You're welcome, Chuck.

- You're a really good friend.

- Uh-huh.

- Mac and cheese.

It's all I know how to make.

Well, come on, sit down.

Bon app�tit.

- Wait, the rumors said I took notes in my notebook?

But I only told you that.

So if that rumor is true, that means--

did you start the rumor?

- Sage, wait.

Chuck's not the only one who knew about the notebook.

I knew about it, too, because I started the rumor.

- What?

- Why would you do that?

- Because I was trying to fix the rumor

that Sage was a stalker.

- You started that rumor, too?

- You're making me sound like a really terrible person

right now.

- Lydia, how could you?

I think you better go.

- Right, yeah, of course.

Well, happy one-month anniversary.

[dramatic music]

- [sighs]

- I've got popcorn.

- Yum, yum, yum in my tum, tum, tum

- Oh, you guys, you're getting ready to watch

the "Fists of Yamato," I see.

both: Mm-hmm.

- Refresher for the Con, huh?

both: Mm-hmm.

- Wish I could join you, but I'm off to Grandma's.

Love ya.

- All right.

- (UNISON) Bye-ee.

- Let's go.

[action music]

[crunching leaves]

[gasp] Whose house is that?

[gasp] Does Dad have a secret other family?

- Not that I know of.

Wait, where are-- where are you going?

[mysterious music]

- [slapping] - Ah!

- Hey. [giggles]

- What are you doing here?

- What am I doing here?

What are you doing here?

Why didn't you tell us about your secret other family?

- What are you talking about?

- What is all this yelling?

- Who is that, James?

Wait, Juju was right?

You do have another family?

- Oh my gosh, Julie.

It's not what it looks like.

- Henry, is he my brother?

- Oh.

- OK, OK, everyone just calm down.

I do not have a secret family.

- Well.

- Listen.

Follow me, I'll explain.

Come on.

Henry's dad, Hugo, owns a comic book store.

He and Henry have been helping me

catch up on "Fists of Yamato."

Look, I thought I would surprise

you with something like, hah.

both: "Gauntlets of Power."

- Yeah.

- Why didn't you say anything?

- Look, sometimes when you two geek out, I feel

like I'm holding you back.

And you get annoyed explaining things to me.

I just, I don't know, figured I'd

annoy Henry and Hugo instead.

- He brings us a lot of free shawarma,

so we don't really mind.

- Wait, so, you needed tutoring in geek.

- Yeah.

- Now that's the nerdiest thing I've ever heard.

- Mm-hmm.

- OK, come here.

- Aw. - Oh.

- Aw.

- Who wants to watch "Fist of Yamato"

and eat some free shawarma?

- Oh, wow.

Does Yamato need the power crystals

to defeat the Deathmage?

- (UNISON) Absolutely.

- Absolutely.

[laughter]

[heroic action music]

- Rumors technically made Chuck and Sage more popular,

but I wouldn't say the experiment was a success.

- Nope.

Thankfully, River set the record straight.

And everyone's back to shipping them.

- It must be hard for you to see them together.

- Yeah, but it was harder for me to hear people

say mean things about them.

Besides, how can I be sad when I already

have the best other half?

- So my former gossip queen,

what do you give this experiment?

- I give it one zipped lip out of one.

- Let's make it two--

phtt.

[both giggling]

[gentle music]

[upbeat music]

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