Original subtitles

- Hey, Spit Valve. Why so happy, Pappy?

- Rush just released a compendium

of their entire catalog of sheet music.

- Hmm. - And that's a good thing?

- Is Neil Peart the greatest

prog-rock percussionist of all time?

The answer is yes.

- Hmm.

- Hello, Maplecrew!

Just me, DJ Larocque-star here,

reminding you that tomorrow is--

drum roll, please.

Is everybody doing it?

Are we drum rolling?

- No.

- I'm going to assume yes!

Anyway, tomorrow is Mapleview's astounding treasure hunt!

[air horn blasts]

- [gasps]

- It's the best day of the year.

- It doesn't hold a candle to Rush.

- But hold on to your snapbacks, cool cats,

because we have a special surprise.

This year's competition will be featured on TV.

- [laughs]

- Local news, but still exciting!

Please submit your teams to my office by the end of the day.

- [squeals]

- Wait, wait. Hang on.

Look around.

[soft upbeat music]

All the popular kids paired together

and the dweebs with each other.

Everyone stays in their predetermined friend groups.

The popular get more popular,

while the dweebs get dweebier.

Everyone is stuck in their place in the hierarchy.

It's completely unfair.

Don't Dimitri and Spit Valve deserve

to ascend to greatness?

- This rhythm is needlessly complicated.

- That's what makes it so prog-rock!

- They seem pretty comfortable with where they stand.

- Don't you see?

This is the reason why we haven't been able

to crack the popularity code!

But that ends now.

It's time to change the game.

[upbeat music]

Ah, age-old question--

will sabotaging a televised competition make us popular?

- Explain again how this is going to make us popular.

- If we blow up an unfair system,

everyone becomes equal in social status.

- And we become the cool kids.

- Sure. - OK.

OK, OK.

- Right now, everyone stays in their social groups--

unpopular and popular.

And no one breaks out.

We just need to get them to see they can get along.

- By forcing them together?

- Exactly, just like how oil and vinegar will mix together

if you shake them hard enough.

[soft upbeat music]

- All right, let's emulsify these suckers.

- OK.

Step one, get into Larocque's computer

and change the team list, matching

a popular kid with a dork.

Step two, watch one of these new pairs

skyrocket to victory.

Step three, laugh as the established hierarchy

comes crashing down, realigning popularity forever!

[evil laugh]

- OK.

I hear you, and I see you,

but I still want to do the treasure hunt with you.

- I'll pair you up with Chuck.

- Let's do it.

- We start at 0800 hours.

- You could just say 8:00.

[suspenseful music]

Larocque spotted going into the staff washroom,

which means we've got a solid 15 minutes.

And his first flush is usually a two-minute warning.

How's the hacking?

- Pfft. Easy.

Just creating a cyber back-loop from his mainframe

into his PNC server, then I decouple his router

and isolate his VPN firewall.

- Whoa, really?

- Yeah, no.

I'm just going to try and guess his password.

Baba usually writes his down somewhere.

Grading, attendance, team list--

Team list!

- What's going on in there? Julie?

Julie!

- I'm in.

- Oh, no. Wait a second.

Code Beige! I repeat, Code Beige!

Principal Larocque is on his way!

Ugh, did he even wash his hands?

Get out of there, Julie! Other door! Other door!

- The manatee has beached. Mission accomplished.

- This is bogus!

Sage and Dimitri?

Addison and Ursula?

Me and River?

- Excuse me.

- No offense.

- Oh, like you were my first choice.

- Smart move putting a dork like Mike

with a cool kid like River.

- Wait, River is cool?

- Jules.

- So apparently, we are partners now.

- Ugh, no.

- Dimitri!

How did that happen?

- Uh, submissions were anonymous.

Just because you picked Addison

doesn't mean Addison picked you.

- Really?

- OK, OK, OK, so, clearly, the teams were changed somehow,

but the camera crew is here,

and it's too late to do anything about it, so.

[all sigh]

Uh, Julie.

- Uh, yeah, Principal Larocque? [laughs]

- I couldn't help but notice that you don't have a partner.

- Oh, I forgot to give myself one.

I mean-- submit one, of course!

- Why don't you partner up with me?

You strike me as more of a judge

than a participant kind of kid.

- Wait. [chuckles]

You mean observe the pairings and chart their progress

without having to concern myself

with the minutia of competing?

Now that sounds just right for me.

- Weird.

[upbeat music]

Huddle up, teams.

Please give a warm welcome to our camera guy,

my good friend Mark.

[applause]

- Yo.

- While you might have seen his work on the local news,

Mark is also an aspiring reality TV producer.

- I'm working on my sizzle reel.

Sss. - [laughs] Pretty cool.

Mark, any words of advice for our contestants?

- Yeah.

Think of me as a fly on the wall,

capturing the honest truth, friendships, bitter rivalries,

shocking betrayals.

You know, the juicy stuff.

- And though we're mostly focusing on teamwork

and having fun, right? - Sure.

- Hello, and welcome to the astounding

Treasure Hunt Mapleview!

[air horn blasts]

Today, our student body will test their speed,

smarts, and teamwork.

But first, the rules!

Rules, rules, rules!

Each team will receive a clue leading

them to a different challenge.

Challenge!

Once a team has completed a challenge,

they'll receive a new clue.

Whoever finishes every challenge first wins.

Winner!

Gagnant!

Remember, watch out.

Fail to complete a challenge, and you will be eliminated.

Eliminated!

Ready, racers?

Start your engines, and may the best team win!

That means go.

- Oh, come on! Go, go, go.

Start in a place with early yellow rings.

You might see things in reds, blues, or grays.

- Early yellow rays. That's morning sun, right?

So, east side.

- With all these color references, it's got to be...

The art room! - The M&M store!

- No, yeah, you're definitely right.

- Make sure that you don't stumble and fall.

You start where we often bounce a round ball.

- The basketball court. - Too obvious.

Pretty sure it's the boiler room.

Think about it.

The boiler is round, and it's a ball being in there.

- It makes no sense.

Of course, a lot of things don't make sense today.

- Oh, you mean the partner thing?

Who knows? Not me.

Matching sweatband?

- OK, but why would they--

- Just trust me.

To the boiler room!

- The boiler room. We're going.

- But we were given different clues

so we don't start at the same place.

Especially since ours says go to the science room.

- As Sanford Meisner always says,

you just have to follow your instincts.

- But I thought we were supposed to follow the clues.

- See? There's nothing in here.

Let's go. - Are you sure?

I'm sure it opens from the inside.

[door clanking]

- Nope, it's locked.

- Maybe lock picking is part of the challenge?

Or like an escape room?

Julie's dad took us to one once.

It was really fun once we got past the part of, you know,

being trapped.

Are you OK?

- I'm kind of mad at you right now.

Actually, give me a minute.

- Well, there's-- there's no clock in here,

so we'll have to roughly guess a minute.

- No, I'm going in.

Aha! Caught you!

My best friend and my boyfriend conspiring against me.

- Why would we be conspiring?

- And how do you define best friend?

- I have never felt so betrayed.

- The door! The door!

- This is exactly the emotion

my acting coach is trying to help me unlock.

[tense music]

- Ah, are you all right down here?

There's so much shouting.

- No, no, no! - Don't let go of the door!

It's gonna--

lock.

- Contestants, show your esteemed judges

how well you know your partner by drawing them from memory.

- OK, I'm done. Three, two, one.

Ugh.

- Ugh!

I know your secret.

- That I'm Godzilla?

- That you're a shapeshifting lizard person

who operates in the shadows to destroy humanity.

- Oh, um, Godzilla doesn't really

destroy things in secret.

He's kind of open about it.

- Looks like someone knows too much.

- It seemed like an easier challenge

when the teammates were actually friends.

- Honestly, I don't think they're too bad.

See?

- The background performer ruined my shot.

Can we take it again from the top?

- Do what again from the top?

- Amateurs.

I can't work like this.

- Wait!

What if I do it in a...

[british accent] British accent this time?

Mark!

- By the way, I'm a judge!

- I can't believe you locked us in here.

- I can't believe you ran off with Lydia.

- I can't believe the door locks

from the inside in clear violation of the fire code.

- Don't worry. They'll find us. We just need to pass the time.

We can play a game. I spy?

Charades?

Chess?

- Haven't you played enough games for one day?

- But we haven't started the game.

- Sage, can you please stop being so dramatic?

- [gasps] You know I cannot.

You can take the girl off the stage,

but you cannot take the stage out of the girl.

- What does that even mean?

- If you can't handle me at my best,

you don't deserve me at my worst.

Did I get that Marilyn quote right?

- I don't ever know what you're saying.

- [gasps] Am I not enunciating?

Because my acting coach says I should work on that.

- You mean your dad? - He's accredited.

- Uh, is charades still on the table?

- Absolutely.

Sage, Chuck, you want to go first?

- You know what? This isn't working.

- It sure isn't. - Fine.

Then we're done here. - Fine.

- And I was going to guess the breakup,

but it was kind of cheating

since you were speaking out loud.

- Crawl, crawl, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

There you go.

Yep, now step over. Step over.

Step over. Yeah, yeah.

Two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Yeah, there's a rhythm to it.

OK, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's not a rhythm!

That's just counting to seven!

- It's 7/8 time. Yeesh.

Why don't you listen to something other

than empty pop music?

- No, you listen to me, Spit-for-Brains!

I once commanded the Glossops to win a dance-off.

In heels.

I'm not taking direction from you.

- You're right.

You should be barking orders at me.

- Smartest thing you've said all day.

Now get over here.

Now crawl, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

- Lydia, can you ask Chuck to return

the bracelet I gave him?

- Chuck--

- Yeah?

- Sage would like her bracelet back.

- Lydia, can you tell Sage I'm happy to give it back to her?

- Sage--

- Uh, Lydia, can you pass me the screwdriver?

- I'm not a courier, Dimitri.

- Sage, Chuck is happy to give the bracelet back.

- Happy?

Is that some passive-aggressive dig?

Lydia, will you tell Chuck that I expected more from him?

- Lydia, can you tell Sage that I was not taking a dig at her?

- OK! That is enough.

Clearly, there's a problem here.

But lucky for you two, I'm a child of divorce.

I'm equipped in mediation.

Come on.

Chuck, you're warm, kind, and funny.

Sage, can you acknowledge that?

- Fine.

Chuck, you're warm, kind, and funny.

- Great.

Now, Sage, you're being really mean to Chuck.

Stop it.

- It's not my fault we broke up.

- It's not my fault either.

If we hadn't been trapped in here,

we'd still be cool with each other.

Wait.

Lydia trapped us in here, which means--

- It's your fault!

- OK, so it's an egg-dropping challenge.

This'll be a breeze. I throw eggs all the time.

- Whoa, whoa. Slow down, tiger. We're not breaking the eggs.

We're protecting them.

We have to build a cushion so when we drop the egg,

it doesn't break.

- I have just the thing!

- Why do you have so many straws?

- Spitballs don't spit themselves.

I recently switched to sugar cane straws.

They're biodegradable.

It clears my conscience while I prank.

- Fascinating psychology. Uh, well, let's try it.

- Yes! River and Mike are actually working together.

It's happening!

- We make quite the team.

We're like Woodward and Bernstein.

- Or like wads of paper and saliva!

Yeah!

- Here we go.

- Julie, watch it!

- I am...watching it.

- Ursula, you're supposed to protect the egg!

- I thought the egg was genetically

modified to be uncrackable.

- Why would you think that?

- Because if you don't know how GMOs

are altering our entire food supply,

you're not paying attention.

- Girls, you've been eliminated.

Please take your knapsacks and go.

How was that? Did I hit my mark?

- It was fine.

But as Warner Herzog famously said...

[german accent] Her shoulder was in my frame.

- Girls, come back!

- We're ready to drop.

- Three, two, one!

- [gasps] Yeah!

- Ha-ha, yes! - Yeah!

- All right, come on! - Whoo!

- Uh, why are you cheering? - Uh--

- This isn't the Supreme Court.

Judges are supposed to stay impartial.

- [laughs] I'm not cheering them on.

I'm just saying, yams!

Yams!

- Yams.

- I love yams.

- Julie, walk with me.

- Oh.

What challenge takes place here?

- Julie, I have reason to suspect...

is this good?

[dramatic music]

I have reason to suspect you switched the teams.

- Um, what? Why would you think that?

- It's pretty obvious.

I just can't understand why you would sabotage something

that means so much to so many.

- Does it really mean that much to everyone?

- It means that much to me.

This is my ticket to local news fame.

- I'm sorry, but it's not what you think it is!

I did it for a good reason. I wasn't just causing trouble.

All those teams are people who would never

have talked to each other.

Popular girls and conspiracy theorists?

- I didn't know you were into conspiracy theories!

- What?

- Queen bees and music nerds?

- Excuse me, what does she mean, "queen bees"?

- Theater kids and student council dorks,

and skater boys with the girls who pine after him.

- She could be talking about anybody.

- They're all working together because of what I did.

[chuckles uncomfortably] Was that on the PA?

Why did you do that?

- Every good story needs a villain,

especially one who is constantly ruining my takes.

[whispers] You're going to be a star.

- Wait. Can we retake that? Can I be the villain?

I'm not here to make friends.

- Julie switched the teams? - Did you know about this?

Did you pick me?

- I--

- Why would you do this? - Don't yell at her.

- You're always trying to police my emotions

when my emotions are my greatest strength!

That's it! It's over!

- You can't say it's over. I say it's over.

- I said it first!

- We've really got to get out of here, right, Dimitri?

Hey, have you guys seen Dimitri?

- I can't believe I ever asked you out.

I should have never listened to Addison.

- I can't believe I said yes.

I should have never listened to Addison.

- You guys were only dating

because Addison said you should?

- Mm-hmm.

- Well, she said we look cute together.

It's not like she's wrong.

- She's wrong.

But did you seriously only start dating because of her?

- Mm-hmm.

- I mean, I'm no dating expert.

- We know.

- You literally have no experience.

- But shouldn't you date someone you like?

Someone you have things in common with?

Not just because your friends shipped you?

- Sage, we're great as friends,

but as boyfriend and girlfriend--

- [sighs] We're terrible.

Back to friends? - Friends.

- OK, so great. So happy for you.

Well, it looked like everything worked out,

so no reason to stay mad at me.

- I could never stay mad at my bestie.

- Gotta get out of here. [metallic clanking]

- Do you hear that?

- Friends! all: Dimitri?

- I'm here to rescue you.

Yippe-ki-yay.

- How did you get out?

- I went through the irrationally large air ducts.

You are free!

- [chuckles softly]

[soft dramatic music]

- You saved us!

[sighs]

[chuckles softly]

- It's been a big day at Mapleview Middle.

We're down to our last two teams who

should be coming in anytime.

[dramatic music]

all: Boo!

- OK, OK! Sorry!

Are they all mad at me?

- Yeah, but at least they're working together.

To hate you.

- Here they come!

- OK, OK. Come on.

- Last question--

answer a trivia question about your partner.

What is your partner's favorite book?

- Ew. Who reads for fun?

- I know this.

River's favorite book is, OK, um...

"All the President's Men" by Woodward and Bernstein!

- Yes! - Yeah!

both: We won! [laughter and applause]

- Whoo! - Now that is a winner.

- It sure is! Good job, you guys!

- I told you! Stay behind the camera!

- Yes! We actually did it! - Oh, my goodness! [laughs]

- I'm so tired. - That took a lot.

- Do you think everyone still hates me?

- For forcing friends apart, causing chaos,

and ruining the most fun day of the year?

Yes.

- What? - [imitating drumbeat]

- Wh-what? [sighs]

Everything's exactly the same as before?

Everyone's back with their old friends.

Meaning it was all for nothing.

- Sometimes experiments fail,

but if it makes you feel any better, you were diabolical.

- Eh, it does a little bit.

- What do you rate this experiment?

- I'd rate it zero teammates out of 13.

- That's--that's fair. - Yeah.

[both blow spitball]

Good form.

- Thank you.

[upbeat music]

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