Original subtitles

[bright music]

- We've done at least a dozen experiments.

We have so much data on what it takes to be popular.

- Have we really done that many?

We spend a lot of money at the dollar store, don't we?

- We definitely have enough data to submit it

for a peer review. - Peer review?

- Yeah, you know, like when Ms. Lawrence makes us

grade each other's math tests to see

how well we did. I always ace that.

We just need someone to look over our papers

and see how our popularity journey is going.

- Right.

Except for the part where everything

is still inconclusive,

and under no circumstances, may anyone ever see this.

- Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Well, we're peers.

We can just look it over together.

What is our first conclusion on popularity?

- Still unnecessary. - Totally attainable.

Well, it looks like we've made some progress

towards summiting popularity.

- Look, this will all just prove what I know to be true.

Popularity is just a net negative

in the world of middle school.

The whole concept just makes people worry

about how cool they are instead of just being themselves.

- And how we are now cooler than some of them.

- This is all going in one ear and out the other, isn't it?

Name one person we're more popular than.

[quirky music]

Yeah.

- Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

- OK, just looking at the initial data sets,

we've got to be more popular than Headgear Henry.

- Uh, is it just me, or is everyone staring at us?

- They must sense our unmistakable appeal.

- She's like a literal angel. - Thanks.

See? Even he thinks we're more popular.

- Uh, Lyds, are you sure about that?

- She's like a literal angel.

- Thanks, Henry. That's a little--

- Lydia, move. You're in the way.

- Oh, right.

- Also, I hate to break it to you,

but I'm seeing a couple reports that you've missed.

New watches? They're pretty cool.

- They can't be that cool if Headgear Henry has one.

- Hey. Henry, right?

I have the same watch. Have you tried selfie mode?

You can never have too many.

- Wait, so you're saying

Headgear Henry is cooler than us?

- Well...

- How was your weekend, girls?

- Actually, it's kind of a wild--

- Who wants ice cream?

- Thanks, Henry. - Yay.

- He might have always been cooler

and not just because of the ice cream.

- This is terrible. OK. OK.

OK, don't panic.

- I wasn't going to.

- We've got to be more popular than Ursula, right?

I mean, there's not one conspiracy theory

she doesn't believe in.

- Money's literally just paper with pictures on it,

means nothing.

A couple dollars won't hurt anyone,

except maybe global corrupt elites.

[device beeping] Shh.

You can never be too careful. - Those are my house keys.

- They're listening.

- Who's they?

- The Glossips control all the money

in offshore accounts, I assume.

It's go time.

Paranoid is a word invented to gaslight the fully conscious.

Did Big Ghost put you up to it?

- It wasn't a conspiracy, Ursula.

It was about giving my BFF a story

she would always be able to tell.

- I hear you loud and clear.

- Yeah.

But don't forget.

As odd as Ursula is, she's currently part of

one of the main cliques at school.

[upbeat music]

[record scratches]

- Traitors.

[record scratches]

- Oh, no.

You are not planning to sit here.

This is Glossip Girl territory.

- Can't we share?

- I think we can.

- I think so, too.

- I'm leaving.

I don't want this stupid table anymore anyway.

- Huh, I don't know if I want this table anymore either.

- Well, we've got to still be more popular than Dimitri.

- I just moved here from Greece.

Hey, Julie.

I signed up for pottery.

Perfect.

- I don't get it.

- What?

- Says here you play piano.

- I have been classically trained

for eight years at the Hellenic Conservatory.

- You're on guitar.

- I shall see if I can.

[shredding on guitar]

Yes. This will do.

- Uh...

- Spit Valve?

- Who's that?

[together] Spit Valve?

- One, two, three, four!

Who knew you had such great taste, Lydia?

- This is actually Melody's collection.

- So Melody's still the only one who knows music

in your family, huh? Ooh.

Is this original pressing?

- Go out and busk some more, maybe with music

people have actually heard.

- I'm not a sellout.

Rock and roll! Yeah!

Shh. - Huh?

[muffled pop music]

[tranquil music]

- No!

Seriously?

They're all higher on the Popularity Pyramid than us?

- Pyramid scheme.

Popularity is a pyramid scheme.

That's the perfect way to describe it.

Thanks, Lydia.

- I'd give my life savings to get on the ground floor

of that scheme.

Middle school has been a disaster.

- [sighs]

Hey. It's OK.

Like I've been saying,

popularity isn't worth stressing over.

You're plenty cool without it. - Easy for you to

You actually came close to being popular.

[school bell rings]

[upbeat music]

- That was super cool of you to help us out with the test.

You've proved yourself worthy.

Julia Graham-Chang, with this lip gloss,

we grant you official membership

in the Glossip Girls.

[cheers and applause]

- I just need to check the ingredients first,

make sure I'm not allergic.

- What are you allergic to?

- Moral compromise.

- Yeah, that's not in there.

[cheers and applause]

- Yeah, "close" being the operative word.

- Twinkle, twinkle, little star

How I wonder...

- Lydia's parents potty trained her

to "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

Now Lydia can't hear that song without having to pee.

- That is so juicy.

- No! - Phoebe, make it stop!

Make it stop! - It's not coming from here.

- How is it playing? - I don't know.

- 20 seconds left.

Will she be able to hang on?

- The clouds so high

Like a diamond

- 10 seconds left.

Five, four,

three, two, one.

[buzzer blares]

[cheers and applause]

[triumphant music]

- You ruined our chance at victory.

- You don't deserve it.

- That is not a Glossip Girl attitude, Julia.

- Good because I don't want a Glossip Girl attitude.

I don't want a Glossip Girl anything.

My name is Julie.

[all gasping]

OK, so I may have had a brush with popularity,

but that's not the important thing.

We both set out to do a ton of awesome stuff.

[upbeat music]

- Hello, Rock Camp. We are Disastrophe.

We've got Spit Valve on drums, Dimitri on guitar,

and on lead vocals, we have the one,

the only, Julie Graham-Chang.

[applause]

- Whoo! - Whoo!

- Right now, it's all gonna change

I'm sick of running, and I'm ready to play

Scream out, I can't ignore

I'm not the girl that I was anymore

Can't stop me

Won't stop me

Can't you see I'm everything already

All the spotlight I'm ready to claim

Breaking out

All the music I'm ready to sing

Breaking out

All the rocking, I'm ready to scream

Breaking out, I'm breaking it out

All the fire I'm ready to bring

[upbeat rock music]

[cheers and applause]

- We love you! - Love you! Whoo-hoo!

- Yeah, you're right.

And I did get to do something I've always wanted

to do since the third grade.

- Come up here, Lydia. - That's my best friend.

Go, Lydia! Whoo!

- Um... [chuckles]

- Well, come on, Goldbladder. Let it flow.

- Whatever you say, Mike Caval-airball.

[air horn blows]

- [laughs]

- Maybe don't touch that.

- You ever seen this guy play basketball?

Travel's so much, they won't let him on the court

without a tourist visa.

- Oh.

- You know, it's "alley-oop," Mike,

not "alley, oops, I embarrassed myself."

[laughter]

How many Mikes does it take to hit a free throw?

We will literally never know.

Mike is terrible at passing, which isn't surprising,

considering his GPA.

Mike's just like a paper bag.

He's got no handles.

Mike has never made a free throw.

All his throws cost him his pride.

The only basket he's ever made was full of gifts.

You travel so much you should write for Lonely Planet.

You're the LeBron James of being unathletic.

Couldn't buy a basket at a craft store.

Your defense is like my Buby's bladder,

weak. Whoosh.

What's that?

The sound of you being an athletic disappointment,

another reason why your dad will never be proud of you.

- Oh-ho-ho-ho!

- And that's my time. Tip your waitresses.

Thank you, Mapleview Middle! Good night!

- Yeah, that's my best friend! I know her!

Yeah, Lydia!

- A reminder that Pink Shirt Day

is about standing up to bullies,

not celebrating them.

- I don't remember all those insults.

- Oh, I said them after the assembly,

when I replayed it in my mind.

- I thought you said it made you feel bad.

- It did.

Then I talked to Mike about it,

and we came to an understanding about our relationship.

- That seems healthy and mature.

- Besides, it's not like that dork didn't deserve it.

- Sup, Goldbladder? Goldbladder.

Goldbladder. Goldbladder.

Goldbladder. Goldbladder.

- Goldbladder. It's like that poem.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but a standup routine will decimate my enemies."

- Yeah, OK.

Maybe I feel a little guilty still.

Maybe we're actually friends now.

Ugh.

- I never thought I'd hear the day that you

and Mike Cavalleri became friends.

See? This year has been weirdly life-changing.

- Do you think it's because of our brush with death?

[tense music]

- What now?

- We make a connection with Maude.

Everyone grab hands.

- Maude Shavenham, we know your story,

and we know you haunt the living

because you're looking for the love of others,

but there's something more important than that.

- Chips. - No.

Self-love.

- Those guys that left you at the altar are losers.

- They didn't deserve you.

- They would have made you conform to 19th century

patriarchal norms.

- Yeah, you totally dodged a bullet,

especially with fianc�s 8 through 12.

- Now you got your whole afterlife ahead of you.

You don't need a man.

- You are a strong, independent poltergeist.

[eerie music]

- It's time for you to be a free spirit, Maude,

to be at peace.

Your long wait is over.

It's time for you to go!

- Did it work?

- Please, please, please, please.

- Yes! - Oh, my gosh.

- We did it.

- And you thought ghosts weren't real.

- They're not.

Except for that one time. [chuckles]

Besides, when you said brush with death,

I thought you meant the time we almost died.

[bright electronic music]

- "Trail closed"? - Oh, weird.

Trail's closed?

That's news to us.

- I wonder why it's closed? - I don't know.

- Probably not a rockslide warning.

- Who said anything about a rockslide warning?

- OK, there may have been a rockslide warning,

but it was just a warning.

[rumbling] - Wow.

Hungry much, Mel?

- That wasn't me. - Quick. Quick.

Everybody, huddle. Huddle. Huddle.

Keep back from the edge.

- Oh, my God.

- Keep back from the ledge.

- [screaming]

- Don't worry. I got you.

[tense music]

- Aren't we so lucky we got great pictures of it all?

And survived.

Oh, look how cute we look.

[upbeat music]

How do I look? It's a mud mask.

- Say spa. - "Charlie's Angels."

- I love it.

- Anthill. Anthill. We're on an anthill!

Ah! - What's wrong?

- It burns! Get it off! Get it off!

[screams]

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- Camping should be classified as cruel

and unusual punishment?

- That being unpopular might be genetic.

- Compelling theory.

Present your findings.

- No more...

[humming melody]

Oh. Oh.

Did they make those hallways longer since the last time

I got here or what?

- Or maybe it's my dad's side.

- You want Dua Lipa?

I'll get you Three-a-Lipa.

Up, up, up! I want to fly!

- And that doesn't even get to the Melody of it all.

[energetic rock music]

Yeah.

Extremely well adjusted.

I can't believe I share DNA with all of them.

- You may be worried about the genetic effects,

but don't forget about the nurture factor.

- Yum, yum, yum in my tum, tum, tum

Kitty cakes are ready right meow.

- Here's the filter on this? - There's no filter on that.

- Why would there not be a filter on it?

- I just love it so much. [sobbing]

- I lost a father to sports.

I'm gonna lose a daughter.

Jocks, barbarians.

- In the age-old debate of nature versus nurture...

- Looks like either way...

[together] We're doomed.

- OK, OK, so maybe we don't follow

in our family's dorky footsteps.

We just need to find one person at Mapleview

that we're cooler than, and we have a fighting chance.

- Well, we're definitely not more popular than Addison.

- Can I get a sound bite about what wearing your flaws

means to you? - Of course.

I just wanted to put a spotlight

on this very human condition.

- You're so brave.

- My aunt has a pied- -terre in the 6th Arrondissement.

Nothing big.

It overlooks Luxembourg Palace, which is kind of cool I guess.

- Or Sage.

- It's hot, hot, give it up

- Sage is not your friend.

She's competition.

- [vocalizing] - [vocalizing]

- You're down here

It's up here

[vocalizing] - [vocalizing]

- Oh, we're done now? OK.

- Sage is only popular because she's close to Addison.

- Definitely that and not because

she performs at every assembly.

We're also not more popular than the field hockey team.

[whistle blows]

[energetic rock music]

Go, Manatees!

Go, Manatees!

And Morgan.

- Morgan, I know you've been looking for a scoop.

- A scoop?

Scoops are for ice cream parlors, Goldblatt.

I need a sound bite.

I need it punchy, and I need it now.

Look, I'm going for like a real human interest story

here so none of that clich� stuff athletes usually say.

Anything our listeners should know about

the unseen dangers of your craft?

Can you just show us the shirt?

- Certainly.

[bright electronic music]

- Well, uh, we'll be in touch.

"Two deluded students ruin things for all."

The headline writes itself.

Surely, you have something to add to the discourse.

- We're not even cooler than Manfred Manatee.

[rousing brass music]

Or even the kid who gets cucumber water

for the Glossips.

[bright electronic music]

Ouch.

- Is this it?

There's not one person at Mapleview

that we're cooler than.

[dramatic music]

We were wrong about this whole experiment.

Julie.

- Lydia.

Despite it not always working out,

think of all the fun times the experiments have given us.

[bright electronic music]

- That's my best friend!

That's Julie!

[screams]

Wait. That's it.

- You've moved beyond the superficiality

of popularity? - No.

I found the one person that we are

100% undebatably cooler than.

[air horn blows]

- Welcome, students returning anew.

I'm Principal Larocque AKA

DJ Larocque, Paper, Sisi-Sizzurz

Pew pew pew pew. [air horn blaring]

Let your kindness be contagious.

It's pretty catchy.

Lia, can you get me my little book of lyrics?

It's got a Hello Kitty sticker on it.

- Good morning, everyone.

Principal Larocque won't be in this morning,

minor DJing accident. OK.

But he did pass along this.

[air horn blows]

- Also, not confirmed but I may be doing

a DJ set in the parking lot after,

So make sure to stick around for that.

- Thanks for coming on such short notice.

- Tonight's gonna be off the hizook.

[air horn blows]

DJ Larocque, Paper, Sizzurz in the hizouse,

asking you all,

are you ready for Lydia G-uni--

[air horn blows]

- We're definitely cooler than Principal Larocque.

- That I can't argue with.

- Which means we'll just have to keep

experimenting until we're cooler than the next person

and the next. - And have fun along the way?

- Sure, Julie, since you're so hung up on that.

- So what would you rate this peer review?

- I'd give it an A plus out of a hundred.

And as for our popularity experiments,

we'll just keep assessing on a rolling basis.

- Can we do it after dinner, though,

'cause it's burrito night?

- Why didn't you just say that? Hope they're not cold.

- OK, let's go. Come on.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0