All language subtitles for Popularity Papers s01e13 Pain in the Bat Mitzvah.eng

- So we're a week away
from the big day.

Are you sure you're ready
to get up in front of everyone

and sing your Torah portion?

- Uh, yeah.
I was born to sing onstage.

- Mm, but you haven't
practiced, at all.

It's like you haven't even
thought about your bat mitzvah

until this very moment.

- I'll be off-book
by Saturday.

- The Torah is a literal book
you read.

- How am I supposed to read...

whatever language
it's written in?

- Hebrew?

The language I personally
taught you for four years?

Okay, I get it.

People put all the emphasis

on the big lavish
bat mitzvah party.

But I don't want you to forget,
there is a reason.

You invite all your friends,
your family,

the people you love most
in the world.

It's to show them how imp--
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you back up
and repeat that real quick?

- Which part, about centering
family in your life?

- No, no, no, my family's
gonna be a nightmare.

That's a given.

The big lavish party.

- So the utterly
superficial part.

- I have more work
to do than I realized.

- That's why I'm here.

Now, let's start
at the top of the portion.

- So do you provide
a party planner,

or should I ask around
for quotes myself?

[upbeat music]

- Oh, yeah!

All right!

Oh, yeah!

- I learned so much today.
- Amazing.

I did my own research too.

- Aw, that's so sweet.

- A bat mitzvah is
a Jewish rite of passage

preparing teens for adulthood,

like a quincea�era,
or a Sweet 16, or Dune.

- Cool, cool, cool, cool.
So note to self,

send invite
to Timoth�e Chalamet,

because bat mitzvah parties
are a thing.

- How are you,
my only Jewish friend,

unaware of this fact?

- I don't know.

I'm the only Jewish girl
in our school.

- True.

- And I've only been
to one bat mitzvah

in my life--

Melody's herring
and smoked whitefish luncheon,

where everyone said
they were "k'velling,"

whatever that means.

- It means
they're overcome with pride.

I'm compiling
a Yiddish phrase book.

- This is
the perfect opportunity

for our next experiment.

Does throwing the biggest party
of the year

make you popular?

- I'm thinking Dua Lipa
and Lizzo make an appearance.

Ooh, maybe a little destination
bat mitzvah sitch? In Miami.

- How is your family going
to afford all of this?

- Don't you worry.

I've got an idea.

- Your father?

- Lydia, the man is a monster.

- Okay, he is my ex-husband,

but no one would ever
describe him as a monster.

- He has
a secret second family.

- What are you
talking about, "secret"?

His kids just sent you
a birthday card last week.

It was sweet.
I-I saved it here somewhere.

- I shredded it.

- Did you at least
take the check out first?

- There was a check in there?
- Listen, girls.

Your father and I might not
love each other anymore,

but we still love the two
of you just the same, okay?

- Why wouldn't you?
I'm very lovable.

- You don't know him like I do.

- I know him better.
We video chat every month.

- He doesn't even pay
for an account.

It cuts off after 40 minutes.

- That doesn't mean
he still wouldn't help make

my bat mitzvah something
I actually want to attend.

- Melody didn't have
a big fancy party,

and she turned out just fine.

- [grunts]

- Yeah.

Extremely well-adjusted.

- Whew, honey,
it's just not gonna happen.

- Rabbi Rivkah said
this whole weekend was supposed

to be about family!

I think.

I was a little distracted
by her lavish party tangent.

But I want my dad involved
in my bat mitzvah.

Is that too much to ask?

- Oh, my God,
take it down a notch.

Fine, okay?

Just don't expect too much.

Party planning wasn't
exactly his forte.

- What's that, honey?
You want Dua Lipa?

I'll get you Three-a-Lipa!

- [laughs]
Thanks so much, Dad.

You're gonna help make it
a night to remember.

- Oh, I'll never
forget my bar mitzvah.

Best brisket of my life.

And trust me, I know brisket.

- Totally.
This Saturday will be epic.

- Oh, it's this Saturday?
Uh--

- You forgot?
- No, no. No, no.

It's here.
In the calendar.

Don't worry.
I'll move some stuff around.

Should I bring
your stepbrothers?

They usually don't
kick each other

in very public settings,
but--

- Don't forget dress rehearsal
on Wednesday

and Friday night dinner.

- Don't sweat it, Booboo Bear.
I'll figure it out.

And most importantly--

- [sighs]

[bright music]

My bat mitzvah, this Saturday,

you won't want to miss it.

- What's the catering
situation?

- Um, food?

- I'll think about it,
Goldbladder.

- Is this working?

Why aren't people more excited?
- Bye! See you later!

- Uh, we just have
to hype it up.

Here, I got this.

I hear Lydia's bat mitzvah
will be off the hook--

uh, several hooks, in fact.

- I've always wanted
to go to a bat mitzvah.

I hear they're so fun.

- Well, then I can guarantee
this'll be

the best bat mitzvah
you've ever been to.

- But this would be my first.

- Yeah, that's the--

never mind.

Here.

- Ooh, classy.

Will there be a raw bar?

Okay.

- Whoa, if Addison comes,
this experiment might work.

- Yeah. If she comes,

maybe we're not
thinking big enough.

Expectations are
sky-high, Jules.

We need to meet--

nay--surpass them.

- Okay, I have some good news
and some bad news.

I spoke to Rabbi Rivkah.

She's gonna let you
use the reception room

at the synagogue
Saturday night.

- Smart move, starting
with the bad news.

- That was the good news.

- So no perfect
last-minute venue change?

Just that gross back room

that smells like lox
and broken dreams?

- Well, the bad news is,

there's nothing we can do
about the stench.

But we can spruce it up,

you know, add some
twinkle lights.

That'll make it more magical.

- [sighs] It's not exactly
what I envisioned,

but I guess it will have to do.

- Okay.

What exactly did you envision?

- I'm so glad you asked!

[punchy pop music]

Red carpet photog,
13 food stations,

live entertainment,
moderate pyrotechnics.

- Well, I-I hate to say it,

but you're turning into a bit
of a bat mitzvah-zilla.

Right?
- No.

You always tell me
to dream big.

But whenever I actually do--

- Wait, is that
a Gloria Steinem hologram?

- Yeah.
- I mean, it's fantastic,

but completely undoable.

I mean, this is a DIY affair

that we have to completely
replan in five days.

How much of this do you think
is actually doable?

- With that attitude?

Well, maybe we should
just wait for Dad.

- He's a lovely man, Lydia.

He just makes promises
he can't always keep.

And let's face it, he can be
a little bit unfocused,

scatterbrained,
like someone we know and love.

- Homer Simpson?
- No.

- Well, at least Dad
is more receptive

to my ideas about
the entertainment.

- Hey, I'm not saying none
of that is possible.

Let's just focus
on what is feasible, okay?

[doorbell chimes]

[upbeat music]

- Sweetie.

Oh, I've missed you.

Is that a new shade of black?
[laughs uncomfortably]

Personally,
I prefer midnight to obsidian.

But you do you, Melly Belly.

- Not in the mood, Richard.

- Dress rehearsal's
in an hour!

It's go time, people!

- Okay.

- Let's not lose sight on what

this day is supposed to mean.

It's not just about
the bat mitzvah girl.

It's about how all
of you come together--

- I hear you loud and clear.

This week is all
about my Booboo Bear.

- That's not what
she was saying.

- Well, how was I supposed
to know that?

- You could try
listening to a woman.

- [sighs]
- What does it matter

that she's a lady rabbi?

- You tell me.
You're the one

not respecting her authority.

- Could you keep it together
for 20 more minutes?

Thank you.

Rabbi Rivkah, continue.

- This is a major
life cycle event

that requires the whole family.

- Anything for you, sweetheart.
- Ugh, you can't just--

- What?
What did I do this time?

- Well, you're always
overpromising

and underdelivering.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- It's like Orlando all over
again.

- I thought that they would
like the Mouse Farm.

- That wasn't
the mouse we expected.

- Well, I'm sorry.
I'm not a mind reader.

- Also, how could
you possibly think

you could afford Dua Lipa?

- How much could a lipa cost?

- Could you all just stop?
[horn blows]

- As I was saying,

the bat mitzvah reinforces
the importance of family...

at the center of our lives.

- I'm not gonna let the two
of you get in the way

of the most important part
of this weekend.

- Whatever's going on
with me and your father,

that's between us.

But when it comes to this,

look, for six years, it's been
you and me and Melody.

And I want your bat mitzvah to
be about you showing the world

you're becoming this strong,
independent woman

that I thought I was raising.

- It is, Mom.

- But asking your dad to pay
for some lavish party?

I mean, we're
the Goldblatt girls.

We take care of ourselves.

[doorbell chimes]
Hmm?

- You know that's
dad's last name, right?

- Hi.
- Hi. Come on in.

I'm gonna go meditate.

- That means she's going
to eat chocolate in bed.

- How'd it go?

- Well, there was
a good three minutes

before the arguing started--

the new record.

- I know it's not easy on you.

It's hard when
they get together.

- Hey, my bat mitzvah's
gonna be fine.

Actually, my mom just gave me
the perfect idea.

- You're coming around to the
whole twinkle light thing, eh?

We have
an email thread going on.

- What better way than
to honor how my mom raised me

to be an independent woman
than by going rogue

and planning the whole party
by myself?

- I don't think you're taking

all the right lessons
from this.

But, as your bat-mitz-maid
of honor,

I am duty bound to accept
all your ideas as good ones.

What can I do?

- Totally right there with you,

avoiding the tough conversation
with the scary sister.

Just to be clear,
I'm talking about Lydia.

- Right.

She's terrifying.

- Mind if I sit here?

- It's your car.

- Okay.

[hood clunks]

[clears throat]

Uh.

I know I've been
putting it off, but...

is today finally the day
that we get

those matching daddy-daughter
septum piercings?

- Can you be serious for once?
- [gasps]

I think that face is serious
enough for the both of us.

I--

[sighs] Mom says that you think
that I abandoned you?

- Well, you kinda did.

- Sweetheart.

You told me that
you never wanted

to talk to me ever again.

I was just trying
to respect your wishes.

- So now you listen
to what women say.

- I get it.

I should have tried harder,
fought more.

You know, it doesn't change
the fact that I love you.

And I'm so proud
of who you're becoming.

[cheerful music]

Wait, I'm sorry.
Is that--is that--is that a--

is that a smile?
- Mm.

I don't dislike you, Dad.

- [screaming]
Do you hear that?

Melly Belly doesn't dislike me!

Baruch Hashem!

- Okay, we need twinkle lights,
and Melody's always going on

about this Kate Bush tribute
band she loves, Kate Shush.

Ooh, and let's look
into a brisket-carving station

as well.
- Aw, it's sweet.

You're picking stuff you know
your family would enjoy.

- Nonsense. This is all
to get people talking.

- Oy a broch.

- I heard there's gonna be
koi swimming

in the chocolate fountain.

- I heard Drake is her rabbi.

- I heard you're still looking
for a DJ.

May I suggest
DJ Larocque Paper Sizzurz?

- I heard party planners
are stretched out too thin

and things might be
falling through the cracks.

- I heard we're gonna do
all of it,

and it's gonna go off
without a hitch.

What could we possibly
be forgetting?

- [coughs]

- Just remember
what we practiced.

- Uh, what if
I completely forgot

to practice my Torah portion?

- It is now time
to call Lydia Goldblatt--

Leya bat Reuven v'Eilat--

to read from the Torah.

- [shushing]

- [exhales]

- I just said
that I didn't think the outfit

is synagogue appropriate.

I thought we were okay,
Melly Belly.

- At least I have
an outfit that fits.

- Just stop.
You both look ridiculous.

- [shushes]

- [breathing heavily]

- But before the main event,
a brief intermission.

Okay.

- [sighs]
I'm so embarrassed.

- Then it's going exactly
as it should.

- What are you talking about?

- Being embarrassed in front
of everyone you know

at your bat mitzvah?

That's a true rite
of teenage and Jewish passage.

- Really?
- [laughs] Yes, of course.

We don't tell you
that beforehand,

otherwise it wouldn't have
the same effect.

- Not cool, Rabbi.

- You are sitting
in the same place

as hundreds of girls
and boys before you.

All of them wanted
to die of embarrassment.

But they pulled through it.

And I promise you will too.

[soft music]

- I can do this.

Baruch et Adonai

Uh.

[quietly] Line.

Line.

- Ham'vorah.

- Ham'vorah

Baruch Adonai
ham'vorah l'olam va-ed

Baruch et Adonai

[singing in hebrew]

Baruch et Adonai

[both singing in hebrew]

- Amen

[cheers and applause]
- Whew!

- Thanks for coming
on such short notice.

Kate Shush was booked solid
for the next 18 months.

But I'm so relieved
we got the next best thing.

- Tonight's gonna be
off the hiz-ook!

- You got it.

Hey, how you feeling
about all of this, huh?

- It's getting there.

- Ah.

- I was looking for a snack.

- Just wait for the food
to be served.

- There's just one detail
I can't change

no matter how much I try.

- Okay, why didn't
we bring something then?

- How was I to know--
- Ugh. They'll be fine.

Just block them out
and focus on the experiment.

We're good, right?
[lydia's parents arguing]

- Yeah.
- Great okay.

So I'm gonna go first. Then--
- Yeah.

- What do you mean, I'm not
giving my speech first?

I wanted to tell the story
about how Lydia

made us sign an NDA
for her one-woman show,

"Lights, Camera, Lydi-Action."

- I'm the one who sat
through all her previews.

- Why do you assume
anyone wants to hear

either of your speeches?

- Oh.
both: Quiet, Melody.

- The worst.
- Oh, I'm as bad as him?

- I put a lot of work
into today,

and I'm not gonna let you
ruin it.

- Hear that?
- No. If you can't be together

for one night, then...

then I have no choice
but to take you off

of this very exclusive
guest list

and ask that you leave.

- See?

You are just as bad as him.

- [sighs]

- All right, all right.

Uh, who wants to go to the Keg?

- Typical, running away
when things get hard.

- I'm not running away.

I'm just craving
their prime rib.

- We can't let her kick us out.

- What is wrong
with you people?

Aren't you forgetting
about what this day

is supposed to be about?

- You're right.
Lydia.

- No. Family!

Kate Shush, the brisket,
the twinkle lights?

We didn't get it all,
but she bent over backwards

to make this a special night
for all of you.

And you couldn't last
a single day

without a shouting match?

For shame!

[sighs]

Sorry for yelling at you.
[chuckles]

You all look great, by the way.

- All right, we need
to do something fast.

- But what?
Will prime rib be involved?

- Dad, try harder.

Fight harder.

- You two have been
fighting enough.

- She's right, Elaine.

We got this.

- Yeah.

- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

And look who just showed.

[uplifting music]

- Hi.
Sorry I'm so underdressed.

I had to grab something
from the hamper.

- The hamper
at Prada headquarters?

- No, the hamper in my bedroom.

- Besides, I'm the one
who's embarrassed.

We didn't get
the chocolate koi fountain,

and don't even get me started
on the lack of pyrotechnics.

- Are you kidding?

Shabby DIY chic is so in.

I love it.

And who cares if it's fancy?

Everyone here is just happy
to celebrate with you

'cause we're your friends.

- Mazel tov.

This is amazing.
- Yeah.

Congrats, yeah?

- Nice one, Goldbladder.

- She's right.

You don't need any of
that over-the-top stuff.

It's not the details
that make a party epic.

It's the people.

Let's go dance.
[air horn blares]

- DJ Larocque Paper Sizzurz
in the hiz-ouse!

[cheering]

Asking you all,
are you ready

for Lydia G-Unit Goldblatt?

[upbeat music]

- Uh.
[applause]

Where did she go?

[melancholic music]

- Oh. Oh.

I'm so sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.

- You know what?

You're the only one who
never held any resentment

about the divorce.

- You're the only one
who's ever tried

to bring us all together.

- You're the glue
to this family,

the goopy stuff that makes
a huge mess of everything,

but still, the glue.

- I know sometimes
we take you for granted.

But we love you so much.

- [cries]
Wait.

Why aren't you at your party?

Hasn't it already started?

- Something felt off.

I didn't want it
without you there.

- But what does everyone else
think is happening right now?

- Who cares what they think?

- Come here.

- Oh.
- Wait.

Actually, what
are they thinking?

We should get back in there.
- Okay, wait.

Not without
a few last-minute things.

Oh.

- Is that a whole brisket?
- Absolutely.

- [squeals]

[light playful music]

Wow. This actually is magical.

- Are you ready to respectfully
tear the roof off

with some more
Larocque-blockin' beats?

[cheers and applause]

Now presenting the woman
of the hour,

Lydia G-G-G-Goldblatt!

[cheers and applause]
- Yes, Lydia!

[lively dance music]

- I thought I knew what
my bat mitzvah was supposed

to be about,

how I was gonna make it
my special night.

But turns out,
I was kind of wrong.

It's actually about
all of you...

My friends.

My family.

The people I love most
in the world,

the ones I couldn't imagine
celebrating without.

- Come on!
You can do it!

It's okay. It's okay.

- I can't believe
we pulled it off.

I don't think I'll ever be able
to thank you enough.

- [chuckles]

So what's the verdict?

- Well, I mean,
we didn't get the raw bar.

But, honestly, it was
the best night of my life.

As long as it's with
the people you love,

throwing the party of the year
we'll always be 10 out of 10.

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