Original subtitles

- So we're a week away from the big day.

Are you sure you're ready to get up in front of everyone

and sing your Torah portion?

- Uh, yeah. I was born to sing onstage.

- Mm, but you haven't practiced, at all.

It's like you haven't even thought about your bat mitzvah

until this very moment.

- I'll be off-book by Saturday.

- The Torah is a literal book you read.

- How am I supposed to read...

whatever language it's written in?

- Hebrew?

The language I personally taught you for four years?

Okay, I get it.

People put all the emphasis

on the big lavish bat mitzvah party.

But I don't want you to forget, there is a reason.

You invite all your friends, your family,

the people you love most in the world.

It's to show them how imp-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you back up and repeat that real quick?

- Which part, about centering family in your life?

- No, no, no, my family's gonna be a nightmare.

That's a given.

The big lavish party.

- So the utterly superficial part.

- I have more work to do than I realized.

- That's why I'm here.

Now, let's start at the top of the portion.

- So do you provide a party planner,

or should I ask around for quotes myself?

[upbeat music]

- Oh, yeah!

All right!

Oh, yeah!

- I learned so much today. - Amazing.

I did my own research too.

- Aw, that's so sweet.

- A bat mitzvah is a Jewish rite of passage

preparing teens for adulthood,

like a quincea�era, or a Sweet 16, or Dune.

- Cool, cool, cool, cool. So note to self,

send invite to Timoth�e Chalamet,

because bat mitzvah parties are a thing.

- How are you, my only Jewish friend,

unaware of this fact?

- I don't know.

I'm the only Jewish girl in our school.

- True.

- And I've only been to one bat mitzvah

in my life--

Melody's herring and smoked whitefish luncheon,

where everyone said they were "k'velling,"

whatever that means.

- It means they're overcome with pride.

I'm compiling a Yiddish phrase book.

- This is the perfect opportunity

for our next experiment.

Does throwing the biggest party of the year

make you popular?

- I'm thinking Dua Lipa and Lizzo make an appearance.

Ooh, maybe a little destination bat mitzvah sitch? In Miami.

- How is your family going to afford all of this?

- Don't you worry.

I've got an idea.

- Your father?

- Lydia, the man is a monster.

- Okay, he is my ex-husband,

but no one would ever describe him as a monster.

- He has a secret second family.

- What are you talking about, "secret"?

His kids just sent you a birthday card last week.

It was sweet. I-I saved it here somewhere.

- I shredded it.

- Did you at least take the check out first?

- There was a check in there? - Listen, girls.

Your father and I might not love each other anymore,

but we still love the two of you just the same, okay?

- Why wouldn't you? I'm very lovable.

- You don't know him like I do.

- I know him better. We video chat every month.

- He doesn't even pay for an account.

It cuts off after 40 minutes.

- That doesn't mean he still wouldn't help make

my bat mitzvah something I actually want to attend.

- Melody didn't have a big fancy party,

and she turned out just fine.

- [grunts]

- Yeah.

Extremely well-adjusted.

- Whew, honey, it's just not gonna happen.

- Rabbi Rivkah said this whole weekend was supposed

to be about family!

I think.

I was a little distracted by her lavish party tangent.

But I want my dad involved in my bat mitzvah.

Is that too much to ask?

- Oh, my God, take it down a notch.

Fine, okay?

Just don't expect too much.

Party planning wasn't exactly his forte.

- What's that, honey? You want Dua Lipa?

I'll get you Three-a-Lipa!

- [laughs] Thanks so much, Dad.

You're gonna help make it a night to remember.

- Oh, I'll never forget my bar mitzvah.

Best brisket of my life.

And trust me, I know brisket.

- Totally. This Saturday will be epic.

- Oh, it's this Saturday? Uh--

- You forgot? - No, no. No, no.

It's here. In the calendar.

Don't worry. I'll move some stuff around.

Should I bring your stepbrothers?

They usually don't kick each other

in very public settings, but--

- Don't forget dress rehearsal on Wednesday

and Friday night dinner.

- Don't sweat it, Booboo Bear. I'll figure it out.

And most importantly--

- [sighs]

[bright music]

My bat mitzvah, this Saturday,

you won't want to miss it.

- What's the catering situation?

- Um, food?

- I'll think about it, Goldbladder.

- Is this working?

Why aren't people more excited? - Bye! See you later!

- Uh, we just have to hype it up.

Here, I got this.

I hear Lydia's bat mitzvah will be off the hook--

uh, several hooks, in fact.

- I've always wanted to go to a bat mitzvah.

I hear they're so fun.

- Well, then I can guarantee this'll be

the best bat mitzvah you've ever been to.

- But this would be my first.

- Yeah, that's the--

never mind.

Here.

- Ooh, classy.

Will there be a raw bar?

Okay.

- Whoa, if Addison comes, this experiment might work.

- Yeah. If she comes,

maybe we're not thinking big enough.

Expectations are sky-high, Jules.

We need to meet--

nay--surpass them.

- Okay, I have some good news and some bad news.

I spoke to Rabbi Rivkah.

She's gonna let you use the reception room

at the synagogue Saturday night.

- Smart move, starting with the bad news.

- That was the good news.

- So no perfect last-minute venue change?

Just that gross back room

that smells like lox and broken dreams?

- Well, the bad news is,

there's nothing we can do about the stench.

But we can spruce it up,

you know, add some twinkle lights.

That'll make it more magical.

- [sighs] It's not exactly what I envisioned,

but I guess it will have to do.

- Okay.

What exactly did you envision?

- I'm so glad you asked!

[punchy pop music]

Red carpet photog, 13 food stations,

live entertainment, moderate pyrotechnics.

- Well, I-I hate to say it,

but you're turning into a bit of a bat mitzvah-zilla.

Right? - No.

You always tell me to dream big.

But whenever I actually do--

- Wait, is that a Gloria Steinem hologram?

- Yeah. - I mean, it's fantastic,

but completely undoable.

I mean, this is a DIY affair

that we have to completely replan in five days.

How much of this do you think is actually doable?

- With that attitude?

Well, maybe we should just wait for Dad.

- He's a lovely man, Lydia.

He just makes promises he can't always keep.

And let's face it, he can be a little bit unfocused,

scatterbrained, like someone we know and love.

- Homer Simpson? - No.

- Well, at least Dad is more receptive

to my ideas about the entertainment.

- Hey, I'm not saying none of that is possible.

Let's just focus on what is feasible, okay?

[doorbell chimes]

[upbeat music]

- Sweetie.

Oh, I've missed you.

Is that a new shade of black? [laughs uncomfortably]

Personally, I prefer midnight to obsidian.

But you do you, Melly Belly.

- Not in the mood, Richard.

- Dress rehearsal's in an hour!

It's go time, people!

- Okay.

- Let's not lose sight on what

this day is supposed to mean.

It's not just about the bat mitzvah girl.

It's about how all of you come together--

- I hear you loud and clear.

This week is all about my Booboo Bear.

- That's not what she was saying.

- Well, how was I supposed to know that?

- You could try listening to a woman.

- [sighs] - What does it matter

that she's a lady rabbi?

- You tell me. You're the one

not respecting her authority.

- Could you keep it together for 20 more minutes?

Thank you.

Rabbi Rivkah, continue.

- This is a major life cycle event

that requires the whole family.

- Anything for you, sweetheart. - Ugh, you can't just--

- What? What did I do this time?

- Well, you're always overpromising

and underdelivering.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- It's like Orlando all over again.

- I thought that they would like the Mouse Farm.

- That wasn't the mouse we expected.

- Well, I'm sorry. I'm not a mind reader.

- Also, how could you possibly think

you could afford Dua Lipa?

- How much could a lipa cost?

- Could you all just stop? [horn blows]

- As I was saying,

the bat mitzvah reinforces the importance of family...

at the center of our lives.

- I'm not gonna let the two of you get in the way

of the most important part of this weekend.

- Whatever's going on with me and your father,

that's between us.

But when it comes to this,

look, for six years, it's been you and me and Melody.

And I want your bat mitzvah to be about you showing the world

you're becoming this strong, independent woman

that I thought I was raising.

- It is, Mom.

- But asking your dad to pay for some lavish party?

I mean, we're the Goldblatt girls.

We take care of ourselves.

[doorbell chimes] Hmm?

- You know that's dad's last name, right?

- Hi. - Hi. Come on in.

I'm gonna go meditate.

- That means she's going to eat chocolate in bed.

- How'd it go?

- Well, there was a good three minutes

before the arguing started--

the new record.

- I know it's not easy on you.

It's hard when they get together.

- Hey, my bat mitzvah's gonna be fine.

Actually, my mom just gave me the perfect idea.

- You're coming around to the whole twinkle light thing, eh?

We have an email thread going on.

- What better way than to honor how my mom raised me

to be an independent woman than by going rogue

and planning the whole party by myself?

- I don't think you're taking

all the right lessons from this.

But, as your bat-mitz-maid of honor,

I am duty bound to accept all your ideas as good ones.

What can I do?

- Totally right there with you,

avoiding the tough conversation with the scary sister.

Just to be clear, I'm talking about Lydia.

- Right.

She's terrifying.

- Mind if I sit here?

- It's your car.

- Okay.

[hood clunks]

[clears throat]

Uh.

I know I've been putting it off, but...

is today finally the day that we get

those matching daddy-daughter septum piercings?

- Can you be serious for once? - [gasps]

I think that face is serious enough for the both of us.

I--

[sighs] Mom says that you think that I abandoned you?

- Well, you kinda did.

- Sweetheart.

You told me that you never wanted

to talk to me ever again.

I was just trying to respect your wishes.

- So now you listen to what women say.

- I get it.

I should have tried harder, fought more.

You know, it doesn't change the fact that I love you.

And I'm so proud of who you're becoming.

[cheerful music]

Wait, I'm sorry. Is that--is that--is that a--

is that a smile? - Mm.

I don't dislike you, Dad.

- [screaming] Do you hear that?

Melly Belly doesn't dislike me!

Baruch Hashem!

- Okay, we need twinkle lights, and Melody's always going on

about this Kate Bush tribute band she loves, Kate Shush.

Ooh, and let's look into a brisket-carving station

as well. - Aw, it's sweet.

You're picking stuff you know your family would enjoy.

- Nonsense. This is all to get people talking.

- Oy a broch.

- I heard there's gonna be koi swimming

in the chocolate fountain.

- I heard Drake is her rabbi.

- I heard you're still looking for a DJ.

May I suggest DJ Larocque Paper Sizzurz?

- I heard party planners are stretched out too thin

and things might be falling through the cracks.

- I heard we're gonna do all of it,

and it's gonna go off without a hitch.

What could we possibly be forgetting?

- [coughs]

- Just remember what we practiced.

- Uh, what if I completely forgot

to practice my Torah portion?

- It is now time to call Lydia Goldblatt--

Leya bat Reuven v'Eilat--

to read from the Torah.

- [shushing]

- [exhales]

- I just said that I didn't think the outfit

is synagogue appropriate.

I thought we were okay, Melly Belly.

- At least I have an outfit that fits.

- Just stop. You both look ridiculous.

- [shushes]

- [breathing heavily]

- But before the main event, a brief intermission.

Okay.

- [sighs] I'm so embarrassed.

- Then it's going exactly as it should.

- What are you talking about?

- Being embarrassed in front of everyone you know

at your bat mitzvah?

That's a true rite of teenage and Jewish passage.

- Really? - [laughs] Yes, of course.

We don't tell you that beforehand,

otherwise it wouldn't have the same effect.

- Not cool, Rabbi.

- You are sitting in the same place

as hundreds of girls and boys before you.

All of them wanted to die of embarrassment.

But they pulled through it.

And I promise you will too.

[soft music]

- I can do this.

Baruch et Adonai

Uh.

[quietly] Line.

Line.

- Ham'vorah.

- Ham'vorah

Baruch Adonai ham'vorah l'olam va-ed

Baruch et Adonai

[singing in hebrew]

Baruch et Adonai

[both singing in hebrew]

- Amen

[cheers and applause] - Whew!

- Thanks for coming on such short notice.

Kate Shush was booked solid for the next 18 months.

But I'm so relieved we got the next best thing.

- Tonight's gonna be off the hiz-ook!

- You got it.

Hey, how you feeling about all of this, huh?

- It's getting there.

- Ah.

- I was looking for a snack.

- Just wait for the food to be served.

- There's just one detail I can't change

no matter how much I try.

- Okay, why didn't we bring something then?

- How was I to know-- - Ugh. They'll be fine.

Just block them out and focus on the experiment.

We're good, right? [lydia's parents arguing]

- Yeah. - Great okay.

So I'm gonna go first. Then-- - Yeah.

- What do you mean, I'm not giving my speech first?

I wanted to tell the story about how Lydia

made us sign an NDA for her one-woman show,

"Lights, Camera, Lydi-Action."

- I'm the one who sat through all her previews.

- Why do you assume anyone wants to hear

either of your speeches?

- Oh. both: Quiet, Melody.

- The worst. - Oh, I'm as bad as him?

- I put a lot of work into today,

and I'm not gonna let you ruin it.

- Hear that? - No. If you can't be together

for one night, then...

then I have no choice but to take you off

of this very exclusive guest list

and ask that you leave.

- See?

You are just as bad as him.

- [sighs]

- All right, all right.

Uh, who wants to go to the Keg?

- Typical, running away when things get hard.

- I'm not running away.

I'm just craving their prime rib.

- We can't let her kick us out.

- What is wrong with you people?

Aren't you forgetting about what this day

is supposed to be about?

- You're right. Lydia.

- No. Family!

Kate Shush, the brisket, the twinkle lights?

We didn't get it all, but she bent over backwards

to make this a special night for all of you.

And you couldn't last a single day

without a shouting match?

For shame!

[sighs]

Sorry for yelling at you. [chuckles]

You all look great, by the way.

- All right, we need to do something fast.

- But what? Will prime rib be involved?

- Dad, try harder.

Fight harder.

- You two have been fighting enough.

- She's right, Elaine.

We got this.

- Yeah.

- Are you okay? - I'm fine.

And look who just showed.

[uplifting music]

- Hi. Sorry I'm so underdressed.

I had to grab something from the hamper.

- The hamper at Prada headquarters?

- No, the hamper in my bedroom.

- Besides, I'm the one who's embarrassed.

We didn't get the chocolate koi fountain,

and don't even get me started on the lack of pyrotechnics.

- Are you kidding?

Shabby DIY chic is so in.

I love it.

And who cares if it's fancy?

Everyone here is just happy to celebrate with you

'cause we're your friends.

- Mazel tov.

This is amazing. - Yeah.

Congrats, yeah?

- Nice one, Goldbladder.

- She's right.

You don't need any of that over-the-top stuff.

It's not the details that make a party epic.

It's the people.

Let's go dance. [air horn blares]

- DJ Larocque Paper Sizzurz in the hiz-ouse!

[cheering]

Asking you all, are you ready

for Lydia G-Unit Goldblatt?

[upbeat music]

- Uh. [applause]

Where did she go?

[melancholic music]

- Oh. Oh.

I'm so sorry. - No, I'm sorry.

- You know what?

You're the only one who never held any resentment

about the divorce.

- You're the only one who's ever tried

to bring us all together.

- You're the glue to this family,

the goopy stuff that makes a huge mess of everything,

but still, the glue.

- I know sometimes we take you for granted.

But we love you so much.

- [cries] Wait.

Why aren't you at your party?

Hasn't it already started?

- Something felt off.

I didn't want it without you there.

- But what does everyone else think is happening right now?

- Who cares what they think?

- Come here.

- Oh. - Wait.

Actually, what are they thinking?

We should get back in there. - Okay, wait.

Not without a few last-minute things.

Oh.

- Is that a whole brisket? - Absolutely.

- [squeals]

[light playful music]

Wow. This actually is magical.

- Are you ready to respectfully tear the roof off

with some more Larocque-blockin' beats?

[cheers and applause]

Now presenting the woman of the hour,

Lydia G-G-G-Goldblatt!

[cheers and applause] - Yes, Lydia!

[lively dance music]

- I thought I knew what my bat mitzvah was supposed

to be about,

how I was gonna make it my special night.

But turns out, I was kind of wrong.

It's actually about all of you...

My friends.

My family.

The people I love most in the world,

the ones I couldn't imagine celebrating without.

- Come on! You can do it!

It's okay. It's okay.

- I can't believe we pulled it off.

I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough.

- [chuckles]

So what's the verdict?

- Well, I mean, we didn't get the raw bar.

But, honestly, it was the best night of my life.

As long as it's with the people you love,

throwing the party of the year we'll always be 10 out of 10.

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