Original subtitles

- I still can't believe we won the Skip-A-Thon.

- Lydia, if it weren't for you,

we'd still be hiding from Mike.

Now we're getting a pizza party and an afternoon off.

- [chuckles] - Three cheers for Lydia.

all: Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray!

Hip, hip, hooray!

- Thank you.

Now it's time to cement our status

as the coolest kids in school with...

lanyards!

- Neat!

- Ursula. - Just like the Men in Black.

- Spit Valve.

- I actually have a name.

It's-- - Shh.

It's better for everybody if we don't know.

- Cool.

- Julie.

She must have stayed behind at Art Club or something.

[chuckles softly]

Phoebe? - It is an honor.

- Take notes.

I'm meeting with Principal Larocque

to discuss the details of our pizza party.

So we have to decide toppings.

- Oh, my music teacher forbids certain toppings

because they ruin my...

[french accent] Embouchure.

[normally] It means trumpet mouth.

- So which ones can't you have?

- Um, pepperoni, sausage,

onions, green peppers, bacon.

- So, like, pizza.

You basically can't eat pizza?

- Crust is nice.

- Oh, I can't have crust.

- You need gluten-free then? - Like no crust whatsoever.

- So is that just a box full of sauce?

- Sauce box sounds good.

- I can only eat meat pizza,

so if a vegetable has been in the same box as my meat-za,

I bleh everywhere.

- Oh, and can we do non-tomato sauce?

- I wanna feel the burn.

[overlapping chatter] - Mamma Mia!

- Throw it all in there-- [bell ringing]

- Gotta get to class.

- Fine.

- Six pineapple pizzas.

Mm-hmm.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, yeah!

All right!

Oh, yeah

- I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

I'm here, I'm here!

[grunts]

I'm not late.

- Where were you?

- Oh, relaxing in a Dawn-free existence.

I can't tell you how good it feels

to be out of the Glossip Girls.

- And risking your entire social status

and personal well-being?

- Mm. Worth it.

So what are we looking at?

[soft upbeat music]

Does calling the shots make you popular?

- Julius Caesar. [crowd cheering]

Abraham Lincoln. [crowd cheering]

Khaleesi. [flames whooshing]

All firmly, famously, fabulously in charge.

And nothing bad ever happened to them.

- Um, how much research did you do on this?

- Like, five minutes.

Why?

- I wouldn't say being a leader necessarily makes you popular.

People second-guess their leaders all the time.

Amongst other things.

- Oh.

- Unless they're dictators

who limit freedom and crush dissent.

- That sounds like a great idea.

[gasps]

What? I'd be a fun autocrat.

- Yep, yep.

- Besides, I'm sure the Lip Balms

can't wait to do this experiment.

- Wait. The Lip Balms?

- Mm-hmm. - Not just you and me?

- Well, how would we do this experiment without a squad?

Besides, I got you the afternoon off.

That's the plan.

- I'm sorry. I can't.

Maybe my preschool teacher was right.

I don't play well with others.

- Oh.

- But don't let me stop you from doing your important work.

You can do it.

Without me.

- Oh, OK.

If you say so.

[upbeat suspenseful music]

Step one, win the Skip-A-Thon.

Done.

Step two, transmogrify into a powerful girlboss.

Step three, show the whole school

what a powerful leader looks like.

And step four,

expand my territory into neighboring schools.

- Wait, what?

- Hello, Lydia. Good morning.

And, uh, what is Phoebe doing here?

- Taking minutes. You may begin.

- OK. Congratulations for winning the Skip-A-Thon.

It was truly unexpected.

So you won the pizza party.

- Mm-hmm.

- And the afternoon off? - Mm-hmm.

- Again, I still can't believe I approved it.

But here we are.

- Could everyone try speaking a lot slower?

Like, ten words a minute would be ideal.

- Uh, and there's more.

- More?

- We're holding an assembly tomorrow,

and we need you to come up on stage

and present the check to the Appendicitis Representative.

- I get to star in an assembly?

Did you get all that?

- Could we start again after "congratulations"?

- All we really need you to do is hand over the big check.

- I got you, Principal Larocque.

This is going to be the best presentation

Mapleview has ever seen.

- It doesn't have to be a big deal.

- Don't you worry your pretty little head about a thing.

Here is our pizza order.

- Um, are you sure about this?

- Would you ask Barack Obama that question?

- If he gave me this order, yes.

- I'm sure.

- This should immediately disqualify her from honor roll.

[suspenseful music] Mm.

- After we finish our pizza lunch,

we'll head straight to the gym

so we can rehearse for tomorrow's assembly.

- I thought we won the afternoon off.

- We did. We'll have hours to practice.

It's perfect.

- But Principal Larocque said

all we had to do was hand over a check.

It's in the minutes, Lydia. I wrote it all down.

Well, most of it.

- Phoebe, as the assistant captain of the Lip Balms,

you are part of the executive committee.

I expected more support from you.

- What's a "push-push-crossover"?

- I'm so glad you asked.

This is the Lydie-Bop.

It's a dance I choreographed myself.

Learn it.

Live it.

Lift me.

- We have to lift you?

- Well, someone has to be the focal point.

Now, come on. Group hug.

Mm! [sighs]

Can you feel the love tonight?

Because I wish I could feel it just a little bit harder.

[indistinct chatter]

- Dawn, there's something that

we, uh, Portia needs to tell you.

- Uh-uh. Evan has something to tell you.

- Uh-uh.

- [sweetly] Dawn, listen.

- Spit it out. - Ugh.

[bluntly] Look, things need to change around here.

We are always doing the things that you like

and we were thinking that

you should do some of the things that we like.

- OK. But isn't what you like me?

[door opens]

[soft upbeat music]

- I heard she quit the Glossip Girls.

- Uh, hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Hey, Julie, do you want to come sit with us?

- Um--[sighs]

- [snarls and grunts]

- uh, thanks, but I think I'm comfortable here.

- Are you sure? You're next to the trash can.

- Yeah, totally. It doesn't bother me.

- [snarls and grunts]

- [sighs] I just need some me time.

- OK. I respect that.

- What a weirdo.

[soft upbeat music]

- It has to be a mistake.

- The Mayans foretold of this.

- You know, I've never seen anything this gross,

and I've been to a bathroom at CBGB's.

- Isn't that a clothing store now?

- Exactly. Horrifying.

- Lip Balms, who's ready to swivel those hips?

- Lydia, how could you give us this--this abomination?

- Mm, yummers.

- What happened to my meat-za?

It was clearly recorded in my notes.

- Yeah. And where's my sauce box?

- Guys, your requests were impossible and contradictory.

So I did what I do. I called the shots.

- I skipped breakfast in preparation for today.

Why? Why?

- Further to the agreed-upon terms,

can we lose article nine, section C?

I don't think it's fair that

you get veto power over all headwear.

- [scoffs] Need I remind you

of the day you thought a bowler hat looked cute?

- Ooh.

- See, I don't do this for me. I do this for you.

You should be asking for more rules,

not repealing them.

- Well, I should at least get a say in accessories.

- Pop quiz, hotshot.

Puka shells--ironically in or tacky and out?

- Ironically in?

- [scoffs] Ew, no.

- Wait.

But what if it makes someone happy?

A Glossip Girl should be able to wear it

if it makes her happy.

- I like that. Put it in.

- Ugh, happiness is so basic.

- You're the assistant captain. Tell her.

Go.

- Um, Lydia, we have to talk.

- Pick off the pineapples if you need.

- It's more than that.

Everyone's kind of nervous

about this dance performance thing.

None of us are really performers.

- I am. Spit Valve is.

- I can move a trombone side-to-side or skank,

but that's it.

- What you're feeling is stage fright.

It's completely normal and natural.

And there's one simple remedy.

Practice more and prepare harder.

- Uh-- - Now, enough chitty-chatty.

Let's tippy-tappy.

- Uh, I think Spit Valve just lost consciousness.

- Aw.

Hmm.

[upbeat music]

- So I get the art room all to myself?

[rock music playing on stereo]

Oh, what's that, Lucas? You don't like the song?

- I'm alive now - [giggles]

Whoo! [laughs]

- Alive now, think I'm alive now

- Whoo! [giggles]

Oh, what's that, Dimitri?

You need all the magenta paint as usual?

Sorry about it.

Being alone is the best.

Lydia, we should totally do an experiment on...this.

Right.

I wonder how she's doing without me.

- So which way do we go next?

- Uh, it's left, right? - That's not right.

- Yeah. Exactly. It's left.

- Counterclockwise, Spit Valve.

Thank you. - You said this would be easy.

- If I can build the sets and hang the lights

and sew the costumes, the least you can do is point your toes.

- Boss, I don't know that we're cut out for this.

- Remember how you listened to me and I led you to victory?

Remember how I protected you

from enemies, foreign and domestic?

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

- Great.

Now dance!

- You know, when I joined this clique,

I thought we'd be doing something more fun

than testing how low my blood sugar can get.

[groans]

- Caramel?

I wish we were having fun outside.

all: [sighs] Outside.

[somber music]

[children laughing]

[children laughing]

[laughter]

- OK. Kind of rubbing it in at this point.

[laughter stops]

[birds singing]

- [grunts]

[laughter]

- Ah! [laughter]

- [shouting] Who approved of this?

- You left us in the gym for, like, an hour and a half.

- Yeah. We were bored.

- Then you must have perfected your booty pop-grapevine-

ball change-booty pop.

Let me see it.

Didn't think so. Back inside!

- [sighs] We've been practicing all afternoon.

- Because that's how success happens.

Lip Balms don't quit. Lip Balms win!

- But Principal Larocque didn't say

we had to do a dance number.

- No. I did.

And Lip Balms do what Lydia says.

- And who made you the boss of us?

- You did when I protected you from Mike.

If you want to continue being protected from tyrants

who boss you around, get back to booty popping!

Come on!

[somber music]

- Psst.

- Who said that?

Holy ravioli. Where did you come from?

- You're Julie, right?

She who broke free of the Glossip Girls

and lived to tell?

The breaker of chains?

Do you have your own squad? Need an assistant captain?

I have prior experience.

- What is happening right now?

- Are you adept at warding off all bullies or just Dawn?

Because I need a new protector.

- Is Mike bullying you again?

- Um, not exactly.

- Phoebe, if someone's making you feel small,

you just need to stand up

and show them how tall you really are.

- But I'm short.

Come to think of it, so are you.

- It's just a metaphor.

- Right. A word I definitely understand.

So will you protect me?

- You don't need me to protect you, Phoebe.

You can do it for yourself. Trust me.

If I can do it, anyone can.

[soft upbeat music]

Oh, sorry. There's a bush.

Yeah. - [chuckles]

- We are very proud that

our school can give back to the community

through charity events like the Skip-A-Thon.

Aren't we, students?

[audience member coughs]

I said, aren't we proud to give back?

[light applause]

Not bad.

Let's welcome our representative

from the Mapleview Appendicitis Society.

[applause] - It's showtime!

You forgot your costumes.

OK. Stage manager mode activated.

How long will it take you to change out of your civvies?

- Lydia--

- I can vamp for a little while, maybe tell a few jokes.

- We're not getting them.

- But it's showtime. [chuckles]

- Lydia, in this speech, I will address several issues

that have been causing us distress.

Item one, the pizza-ordering process.

- What is this?

Did you have a meeting without me?

- Item two, rehearsal expectations.

Item three, you make us feel small,

when, in fact, our average height is 4 foot--

- But I'm the boss!

You do what I say! I founded this whole group!

- Lydia, we all did.

That's how groups work.

- You can't do this to me. - This isn't working out.

Hand over your lanyard and try not to make a scene.

- [gasps] How dare? I made these.

[somber music]

- Now for the grand presentation,

please welcome our Skip-A-Thon championship team.

[applause]

I said, please welcome our Skip-A-Thon champs.

- Where's the rest of them?

- [gasps softly]

[dance music playing]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I see you doing

I like you too

- Is this--the Lydie-Bop?

You got that rhythm, make it move

- Yeah, I see what you started

Everybody in the room

They want it now, they want it now

Let's give it to them

We're on the road together

Singing yeah, yeah

Whoa

We're on another level singing yeah, yeah

Whoa

- Hi. - You came.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

- Anybody like disco? - Yeah

- Cause I do

I like rock 'n roll too

Mm-hmm

Anybody want to party? - Yeah

- Cause I do

With the lights out, let the bass boom

That's how we do

- All right, all right, hey, let me talk to you

[indistinct whispering]

- Thank you, girls.

And let's hear it for whatever on earth that was.

[light applause]

- [sighs] Mm!

You are a true friend like no other.

- [chuckles softly] My pleasure.

Despite the horrific embarrassment,

it was kind of fun. OK, you can let go now.

- So does this mean you're done being a lone wolf?

- It got kind of boring after a while without you.

- Tell that to my former squad.

- Wait a sec. So when Phoebe wanted help with a bully,

she was talking about you?

- I don't get it.

I'm good at calling the shots and being the boss.

Why were they so mad? It never bothers you.

- See, the difference is when I say no or stop

or that you're being fully annoying, you listen.

But if you don't listen to them,

then you're no better than Dawn was.

- Right. - That's why we're us.

We're friends, not subject and dictator.

- I liked being a dictator.

- [sighs] I know. We all know.

- Bump, bump, bump.

- Guys, guys, look, it's Lydia.

Did she make another lanyard?

- We stood up to her once. We can do it again.

Has anyone seen my index cards?

- I come in peace. - We don't want a leader!

- I didn't come to be your leader.

- Oh.

- I came to say I'm sorry.

I got carried away.

- I get it. You know, power corrupts.

It's basically the message of, like, every Black Flag song.

- It's OK. It was probably just the chip in your brain.

We forgive you.

- Except for the pineapple pizza.

That was heinous.

- Oh, fine. Let's do it.

- OK, so it's clap, clap, tap, tap, tap.

- [sighs] You mean this.

- Uh, I don't think you're supposed to throw it.

[hip-hop music]

[record needle scratches]

[wind howls]

- Oh, no. You are not planning to sit here.

This is Glossip Girl territory.

- Can't we share?

- I think we can. - I think so too.

- [sighs] I'm leaving.

I don't want this stupid table anymore anyway.

- Huh. I don't know if I want this table anymore either.

- Do you ever miss sitting at the popular table?

- No way, no how. This is the only place for me.

- Are we allowed to move that trash can or--

whatever.

- So what did we learn?

- Whether you were in a twosome or part of a squad,

the most important thing is having wicked entrance music.

- I was going to say being with the friends

you call the best.

- They're not mutually exclusive ideas.

- I guess not.

Well, Lydia, what shall we rate this experiment?

- Two best friends out of two.

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