Original subtitles

- Alas, hark, the cruel bell tolleth

and separateth me from mine Julie.

- It's too early for Shakespeare.

- [sighs] Don't you see how tragic

our story has become?

You and the Glossip Girls, me and my squad,

two houses alike in dignity, and--

- Come on, Lydia.

We're allowed to see each other.

Just not in school.

- Exactly. Forbidden love.

We're like Romeo and Julie.

Tony and Maria.

Luke and Leia.

- Um, how much of "Star Wars" did you see?

- Why? What happens?

[school bell rings]

- Oh, the school's coming up.

Uh, I should walk ahead.

- It's just an experiment.

It's not forever.

Take this.

It'll make you feel better.

- [laughs]

- What are you laughing at?

- Uh, nothing.

Just the morning giggles, I guess.

- Grade sevens giggle, Julia.

Grade eights smize.

- Smize?

- Smile with our eyes.

See, I'm smizing at you right now.

- Oh, it's just, you look kind of angry.

- It's a smize.

Show her, Glossip Girls.

Yeah, that won't do.

- [over pa] Come on, Mapleview!

Let's get loud!

Turn the music up for--

what?

We don't have music?

Fine, Leah, I'll do it myself.

[beatboxing]

Mapleview, stomp those feet

as we kick off our annual Skip-A-Thon

to find a cure for appendicitis.

The team to beat raised over $500 last year.

Give it up for the Glossip Girls!

[air horn blasts]

- Too much.

- The prize this year is,

as you kids say, epic!

- [scoffs] Literally nobody says epic.

- It's an all-expenses paid pizza party

and the whole afternoon off of school to enjoy it.

Really?

How did--how did this get approved?

- That's so epic.

This is it. The very definition

of being a cool, exclusive squad

is getting stuff nobody else can get.

We have to win this.

- It's mine and I want it.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, yeah

All right

Oh, yeah

- Does being part of the winning team

make you more popular? - [huffs]

If I have to be with the Glossip Girls,

at least I get pizza.

- Oh, I was actually talking about the Lip Balms.

We're entering the Skip-A-Thon.

- Why would you enter?

- It's high profile.

It's on the front page of the "Manatee Mirror."

Plus, pizza.

It's exactly what I need to establish the Lip Balms

as Mapleview's top squad.

- You made me join the Glossip Girls.

Look at me. I'm matching Dawn.

The least you could do is give me my rightful gluten.

- Sorry. I can't back out now.

I promised the squad a pizza party.

- Well, if you're not gonna back out,

then I guess we're just gonna have to beat you.

[phone alarm ringing]

- I have to go.

It's the Lip Balms' fundraising meeting.

- Oh. Well, that's fine.

I have to meet up with the Glossip Girls anyways.

[chuckles softly] - Well, uh, I'll see--

- Uh... - Um...

[soft music]

[indistinct chatter]

- About the Skip-A-Thon, um,

I was wondering, what's our plan to get pledges?

- Oh, well, I'll just do what we did last year--

email my mom's work colleagues reminding them what happened

to Janice when she didn't donate.

- What happened to Janice?

- [scoffs] Don't ask questions

you clearly don't want the answers to, Julia.

Besides, what else are we gonna do, skip?

- Well, yeah, that's one way to win.

We can get people to pledge a dollar amount

for each minute we skip.

- [sighs] - Or we can skip skipping

and get some big donations in lump sums.

Oh, I bet if I told my dads I'd do some extra chores,

I could get $20.

- [scoffs] That's so cheap.

Once my mom paid me a hundred bucks

just to smile in a picture with my cousin.

- Well, great.

So if we all just did a couple things for--

- I am not taking another picture with my cousin.

It was not cute.

There were stains on her dress and everything.

Two-year-olds.

- Dawnie?

- Mom?

What are you doing here?

- I'm here to pick you up.

- But what are you doing outside the car?

I don't know who that was.

So random.

- Okay, squad, my mom's gonna browse

the farmers market for a couple hours.

Enough time for us to accomplish our mission.

Phoebe? - There you go, boss.

- Thanks, Phoebs.

Squad, today is the day we taste victory.

Today we out-fundraise the Glossips.

- But how?

The Glossips control all the money.

In offshore accounts, I assume.

- But we have power in numbers.

We're gonna hit up everybody that passes by

with goo-goo eyes.

Let's see 'em.

Okay.

Okay, 60% less goo-goo.

We don't want to scare them off.

- Money's literally just paper with pictures on it.

Means nothing.

- Yes, appendicitis has a cure.

But that's beside the point.

We need a donation, and we need it now!

[playing jazzy tune]

Oh, come on. I know you can afford it.

I just watched you spend $8 on organic kale.

[continues playing]

- A couple dollars won't hurt anyone,

except maybe global corrupt elites.

[continues playing]

- Hey! I know it's called free jazz,

but that doesn't mean it's free.

- Not happening, kid.

- Cheap.

- So what do you guys talk about

when Dawn's not around?

- Dawn.

[cell phone buzzes] - Texty time!

- Is that Dawn's voice?

- Oh, she forgot her bag and wants someone to bring it out.

- [gasps] Oh.

- Texty time! Texty time! - You might want to run.

- Yep. - Texty time! Texty time!

- Oh.

- Hi. I have Dawn's bag.

- Oh, hi. I'm Dawn's mom--

- Don't talk to her.

- Oh.

Hi, Mrs. Dawn's Mom. I'm Julie Graham-Chang.

Oh, we're competing in this year's Skip-A-Thon.

Can we count on you for a pledge?

- Oh! Sure!

Dawnie never tells me anything.

- Because it doesn't matter.

Let's go.

- Oh! Um, I would love

to take a picture of Dawn for you.

Uh, what would you pledge for a great team photo?

- I can put it on my desk.

I'll give you $1,000.

- Did you--did you say $1,000?

Like--like, three zeros after the one?

- Anything for my little u-Dawn noodle.

- I told you not to call me that!

- Sorry, darling.

- I said not to call me that either!

- Okay.

Well, it was nice to meet you, Julie.

- Julia.

- Julia.

- That was so rude, Mom.

- Okay. How much does everyone have?

Spit Valve?

$4?

- I don't busk for the money.

- Okay. Well, we have $8.75 in cash,

plus $4 for each minute skipped,

which is actually pretty good.

I think we have a shot.

- Uh, actually, hate to break it to you,

you don't.

- $1,268?

- And 65 .

Sorry, but we're really good at this.

- Wait, wait! How'd you do that?

Go out and busk some more.

Maybe with music people have actually heard.

- I'm not a sellout.

- Well, we can win if we skip for...

315 minutes.

[all groan] But if we split that up

between all of us, it's only half an hour

of intense cardiovascular workouts.

No, wait! Stay here!

Hey! No! Come--come back!

We--we still have a chance, if--

[sighs]

Okay, four of us,

which means we win if we can skip for...

79 minutes each. [chuckles nervously]

[tense music]

- We did it.

You're a genius, Julia.

And Portia says thank you, too.

- Really? For me?

So now I can blow bubbles from Dubai whenever I want?

Like, actual Du-bubbles?

- Why are we celebrating her when my mom donated?

- I--I was building up to you.

- Uh, thank you, Dawn.

It was really cool of your mom to help.

She's so nice.

- You are on thin ice, Julia.

- What--what did I do?

I thought I did a good thing.

- That's just how Dawn is.

- But she's mean.

What if you tell her you don't like it when she's like that?

- Then we'd be kicked out,

and we wouldn't be popular anymore.

Totally irrelevant.

I don't have to tell you how terrible that is.

- [sighs] I miss Lydia.

[all panting]

- Keep going, guys.

You're doing great.

- Oh, my lungs are on fire. I sh--I should have left

with the rest of the group when I had the chance.

- Look, I know it's hard.

But building up our stamina

is our only chance to beat the Glossips.

We can totally do it in a day.

- How long have we been going on now?

- Um, 3.2 minutes.

[all groan]

- We need to recharge.

I hear salt juice recharges your body

and contains alien nanoparticles.

- Julie wouldn't need alien nanoparticles.

- No, she wouldn't, boss.

Julie's the best. - [chuckles]

I miss Julie.

- [panting]

[knocking]

- Hey, Mr. Graham. - Hey.

- Hey, Melody. Uh, where's Lydia?

- Is Julie home?

- I think Julie's with her "friends."

- I think Lydia's with her friends.

- Oh.

- Oh.

- [sighs]

[somber music]

- I know. I'm just as surprised

as you are that she has other friends.

What's going on?

- I need the Glossip Girls to stop bossing me around.

I joined this clique because Lydia thinks I should do it.

It was my ticket to changing the way popularity works.

- That seems needlessly complicated.

- But now Lydia and I are separated.

And to be part of the Glossips,

I have to do everything Dawn says.

I don't like what Dawn says.

- So don't do it.

- You have no idea what it's like

when she looks at you like that.

Yeah, exactly like that.

- Mean people are like parasites.

They take all their power from you.

But you have the power to stop them.

- By taking probiotics?

- By saying no.

Microorganisms are rad, though.

- If I stand up to Dawn,

I won't be able to sit at the popular table.

Goodbye to people knowing who I am.

- You really care about that?

- Uh, pfft, no.

Okay, maybe it was nice to feel important, but--

- You don't need her, Julie. Or any of them.

You want to change the way popularity works, right?

Right?

So do it.

[tender music]

- I guess she's too busy being popular to talk.

- Oh, man.

Rough day, huh?

- Why is it so hard to get people to do

the things I want, exactly when I want them?

- [exhales] Just come on, lay it on me.

- Have you ever been the leader of a tween squad?

- Yes.

One time. '97 was a big year for me.

Why do you ask?

- The Skip-A-Thon's coming up,

and nobody cares about winning.

- Ugh, that's so typical.

Tween squads are always the same.

But hey, what makes you care about winning?

- My experiment with Julie.

- Mm-hmm. - And I love pizza parties.

- Mm. - And the taste of victory

is the most intoxicating thing in the world.

- Mm-hmm.

And it's for a really good cause.

- Yeah, whatever!

- What do the other kids on your team care about?

- Nothing useful--

atonal jazz music,

easily disproven conspiracy theories.

- I hear plenty of things there.

You're a creative person, Lydia.

Be a creative leader.

[upbeat music]

- Thanks for agreeing to come try,

because I think we have a shot.

- Well, that makes one of us.

- It's time for the Skip-A-Thon.

All our teams are in the gym,

including last year's winning team, the Glossip Girls!

[cheers and applause]

All the way down to a team that named themselves after...

lip balm? [scattered applause]

While they're a good $1,200 behind,

if they can skip for 315 minutes,

they can win.

But looking at this team,

it's a pretty big if.

[applause]

- [chuckles nervously] You look well.

- So do you. I mean, you and the Glossips,

you look...so good together.

Perfect squad.

- You too.

You and the Lip Balms, the perfect misfits.

Well, good luck.

- You too.

All right, Balmers.

It's on.

[dance music playing]

- We're over an hour in, and by some miracle,

Spit Valve is still going, but fading fast.

- You've got this, SV!

- I really don't.

[panting]

- Yes, you do. And I know exactly

what you need to keep going.

- Um, what are you doing? [music stops]

- Come on, Spit Valve! You can do it!

- Hang in there! - Lydia, he's losing steam.

[jazz music playing]

- Is that atonal jazz in 9/8 time?

- This is my jam.

- You've got this. We need you

for nine more minutes.

- I got this!

- I can't believe it. Spit Valve is actually

gaining momentum 70 minutes into his turn.

- Skipping reeks of effort.

Didn't we already win? [chuckles]

[both chuckle]

- [laughs nervously]

- Ursula has been at it for over 40 minutes,

but looks to be tiring now, too.

- [grunting]

- Keep going, Ursula!

You've got this!

[music stops]

- On "Conspiracies and Coincidences,"

are aliens living in your very own backyard?

For the next half hour, we'll tell you

why the shadow government is keeping it from you.

- Yes! - Here are the straight facts.

- This is my jam! - Go, Ursula!

- Let's go! - Wow.

Another bold choice to pump up her team--

- Would you pipe down? I can't hear.

[cheering]

- Ugh. These dorks are wasting my time.

Just lose already.

- Dawn, they're actually catching up.

- Well, that can't happen.

[upbeat music playing]

- Whoo-hoo!

- You got this, Phoebs!

- Good luck out there, Olivia.

- Lydia. - Whatever.

Oh, and maybe just as a friend, take it easy on the water.

Nobody wants an accident.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Lydia, she's flopping!

- I'm sorry, Phoebs. I didn't know what to play

to pump you up.

- Don't worry, boss. I'll just keep on skipping.

Whatever you need.

- That's it.

Phoebe, I'm so, so proud of you,

and I'm making you assistant captain.

- Really?

- I can't believe it.

Somehow, validation from someone she looks up to

is enough to motivate Phoebe.

And somehow, that's Lydia?

[cheers and applause]

- Whoo!

- It's been a long, sweaty afternoon

here in our long, sweaty gymnasium.

But the Lip Balms are still in it.

If team captain Lydia Goldblatt can run out the clock,

then they will win it all.

- Whoo! - Go, Lydia!

- Only one more minute to go.

- You know what, maestro?

Hit my track.

[music stops]

Lydia Goldblatt, you are a magical jumping bean.

You are a legendary leaping lioness...

- The sound of her own voice is Lydia's jam.

- All the world is your trampoline.

- Twinkle, twinkle, little star

How I wonder what you are

- Lydia's parents potty-trained her

to "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

Now Lydia can't hear that song without having to pee.

No!

- Phoebe, make it stop!

Make it stop!

- I'm trying. It's not coming from here.

- How is it playing? - I don't know!

I don't know what to do. - You've gotta do something!

- There's no off button!

- Phoebe, I can't hold it anymore!

[dramatic rock music]

[audio feedback whines]

- [laughs]

Dry as a bone.

Who's a big girl now?

- Six seconds left.

Five, four...

all: Three, two, one!

[buzzer blares]

[cheers and applause]

Guys, gals, and nonbinary pals,

against all odds, a group of kids

with moisturizing ointment for a name

have won the Skip-A-Thon!

[triumphant music]

- We actually won! We did it!

Yes! I cannot believe it!

- Why did you do that?

You ruined our chance of victory.

- [chuckles softly] You don't deserve it.

- [gasps] That is not a Glossip Girl attitude, Julia.

- Good, because I don't want a Glossip Girl attitude.

I don't want a Glossip Girl anything.

And my name is Julie.

- [gasps]

[crowd gasping]

- Dawn, you're mean, and all you want

is for other people to do what you say.

And that's boring.

- That is not true.

Evan, tell her.

Tell her!

- I hate matching.

I want to wear what I want to wear when I want

without having to text you first.

- We'll talk about this later. But first--

- And I want to talk. [crowd gasps]

I know you find my voice annoying,

but yours isn't perfect either, you know.

So I'm going to talk now.

[upbeat music]

- Ugh!

[cheers and applause]

- Jules, come join us.

There's always more room on the Lip Balms.

- Yeah, come on, Julie. Get in the picture.

- You won this too. - I'm okay.

You take it without me.

- Okay.

[cheers and applause]

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