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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,290 --> 00:00:02,840 - Hey, wait up! - Hey, what's up? 2 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,460 - Hey! 3 00:00:04,550 --> 00:00:06,210 - You know what, Julie, we're making a real difference. 4 00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:08,680 - Are T-shirts really the way to stop bullying? 5 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:12,100 - Don't worry, we can always rehang it. 6 00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:15,560 Does no one in this school care about kindness? 7 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,350 [sighing] 8 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:19,730 Of course, they don't. 9 00:00:19,810 --> 00:00:27,190 They care more about Mike Cavalleri... 10 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:31,660 The most obnoxious kid at Mapleview. 11 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:32,659 - Ah! - [laughs] 12 00:00:32,740 --> 00:00:33,660 - Oh! 13 00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:36,080 '- Sup, Goldbladder? 14 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:43,590 [laughter] 15 00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:46,050 - You're a Cavalintwad! 16 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,840 - Cavalintwad? 17 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,880 Not your best work. 18 00:00:49,970 --> 00:00:52,680 - Why does everyone love him so much? 19 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,100 He's obnoxious. 20 00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:55,640 He's a bully. 21 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,430 He thinks wedgies are the highest form of comedy. 22 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,020 Are they laughing because they honestly think he's funny, 23 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,020 or are they just laughing at me? 24 00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:04,020 - Hey. 25 00:01:04,110 --> 00:01:06,900 Whatever it is, we need to investigate why 26 00:01:06,980 --> 00:01:09,150 people actually like this guy. 27 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,570 Mike is popular, and Mike makes people laugh. 28 00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:15,910 - So, by the transitive properties of middle school, 29 00:01:15,990 --> 00:01:18,040 being funny might be what makes you popular? 30 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:21,410 - Does that mean we have to learn to be funny? 31 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,040 - What do you mean, learn? 32 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,080 I'm a comic genius. 33 00:01:24,170 --> 00:01:27,420 - Are you, though? 34 00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:29,050 - Everyone's a critic. 35 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:32,380 [upbeat music] 36 00:01:32,470 --> 00:01:34,140 - Oh, yeah 37 00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:40,140 38 00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:44,060 Oh, yeah 39 00:01:44,150 --> 00:01:45,480 - Let's make this quick. 40 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,980 I have to get to Chinese school by 4:30. 41 00:01:48,070 --> 00:01:50,320 - No problem, because this is gonna be 42 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,820 our easiest experiment yet. 43 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:56,200 Does being a class clown make you popular? 44 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:57,870 As we all know, I'm hilarious. 45 00:01:57,950 --> 00:01:59,120 - We all? 46 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,950 - Comedy is subjective. 47 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,500 I'm not gonna simplify it for the masses, 48 00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:05,830 no matter what Headgear Henry has to say. 49 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,920 - But shouldn't we try to do something 50 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,920 that everyone finds funny? 51 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,340 - I suppose you're right. 52 00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:13,630 If we want to be Mapleview comedy legends, 53 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,180 we need to pick a lane. 54 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,220 There's prop comedy, like smashing a watermelon. 55 00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:18,640 - Pass. 56 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,180 - Yeah, you're right, it's not melon season. 57 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:21,890 We could start our own late-night show? 58 00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:23,060 - Why bother? 59 00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:24,440 Network TV is dead. 60 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:25,440 Stand-up comedy? 61 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,440 - Ugh, too hard. 62 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:27,900 - Sit-down comedy? 63 00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:29,440 - It's not the standing that's the hard part. 64 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,030 - We could take a 12-week improv course. 65 00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:32,690 - No. No, no. 66 00:02:32,780 --> 00:02:37,410 There has to be something quicker and less annoying. 67 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,700 - I know a shortcut to cheap, easy laughs. 68 00:02:39,780 --> 00:02:41,160 Best of all, it's, like, my Cavalleri 69 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:45,330 specialty, insult comedy. 70 00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:48,250 - We could totally be insult comedians! 71 00:02:48,330 --> 00:02:49,840 Melody's always telling me how I'm 72 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,670 an insult to middle schoolers everywhere! 73 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,720 Step one-- 74 00:02:55,800 --> 00:03:00,050 - Ay-o! 75 00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:06,190 - Woot-woot! 76 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:07,350 - Ba-doom-cha! 77 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,230 [school bell rings] 78 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:19,450 I'm sorry, Mrs. Wan, I can't remember it. 79 00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:25,960 - I'm more interested in NYU Fine Arts. 80 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:36,220 - Mrs. Wan, I don't know how to speak Mandarin. 81 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:52,570 [speaking mandarin] 82 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:56,320 [water running] 83 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,110 - Dad, I need to tell you something. 84 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:03,580 It's a little sensitive. 85 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,660 - Oh. 86 00:04:05,750 --> 00:04:07,040 Wow! 87 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:08,460 OK. 88 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,540 You tell yourself you're gonna be ready for it, 89 00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:11,000 but you never are. 90 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:16,550 Um, your body is going through some changes-- 91 00:04:16,630 --> 00:04:22,220 - No, Dad, not that! 92 00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:25,770 I want to quit Chinese school. 93 00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:27,730 - Oh, no. 94 00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:28,770 Oh, no, no, no, no. 95 00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:31,480 That is-- that is way worse! 96 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:33,230 - How is this worse? 97 00:04:33,310 --> 00:04:38,280 - Jules, it's important to have a connection to your culture-- 98 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,650 I assume. 99 00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:41,240 I don't really have a culture myself. 100 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:42,740 - What about all those Britney Spears albums 101 00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:44,030 you forced me to listen to? 102 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,200 - OK, "Oops! 103 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,620 I Did It Again" is a very important 104 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,790 part of your history. 105 00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:50,620 But it's not exactly the same. 106 00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:54,170 Just, please, reconsider. 107 00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:57,130 And whatever you do, don't tell Baba what you told me. 108 00:04:57,210 --> 00:04:59,340 - You think he'd mind that much? 109 00:04:59,420 --> 00:05:02,090 - You know what he's like when he's angry. 110 00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:05,300 - Yum, yum, yum in my tum, tum, tum 111 00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:06,850 - See? 112 00:05:06,930 --> 00:05:08,060 He's terrifying. 113 00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:09,140 - Mmm! 114 00:05:09,230 --> 00:05:10,560 Mmm! 115 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:11,980 [horn blaring] 116 00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:15,060 - Tomorrow is our pink shirt day assembly, 117 00:05:15,150 --> 00:05:17,440 as part of anti-bullying week. 118 00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:21,530 Let your kindness be contagious. 119 00:05:21,610 --> 00:05:23,740 That's pretty catchy. 120 00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:29,120 Leah, can you get me my little book of lyrics? 121 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,410 It's got a Hello Kitty sticker on it! 122 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:32,750 [school bell rings] 123 00:05:32,830 --> 00:05:34,250 - It's beautiful! 124 00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:36,460 - OK, class, settle down. 125 00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:39,510 Settle down. 126 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,470 As part of anti-bullying awareness 127 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:42,680 week, we'll be talking about ways 128 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,300 to stop a bully in their tracks, 129 00:05:44,390 --> 00:05:47,310 like a landlord who insists you pay a cleaning fee. 130 00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:49,020 Does anyone have any ideas, specifically 131 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,100 about my landlord? 132 00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:52,100 But general comments works too. 133 00:05:52,190 --> 00:05:53,770 - Oh, if you see something, say-- 134 00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:56,860 - If you see a klutz, say he's a klutz. 135 00:05:56,940 --> 00:06:01,320 [laughter] 136 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,320 - Thank you, Lydia. 137 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,990 That is very kind. 138 00:06:06,070 --> 00:06:07,660 - What are you doing? 139 00:06:07,740 --> 00:06:09,790 - Do you maybe want to put some of your extra stuff 140 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,120 in your locker? 141 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,500 - Yeah, you really should. 142 00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:14,540 Hope you have a nice-- 143 00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:15,750 - Whoa! 144 00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:17,090 - --trip. 145 00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:19,630 [laughter] 146 00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:21,880 - Whoa! - Ohh. 147 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,090 - Wait up. 148 00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:24,630 - I'm partial to chair wedges. 149 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,180 You hook the waistband to the top of the seat. 150 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,050 - Have you ever tried an atomic wedgie? 151 00:06:28,140 --> 00:06:29,560 Waistband over the head! 152 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,100 - Not yet, but no time like the present! 153 00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:33,180 Come here! 154 00:06:33,270 --> 00:06:34,770 - What is happening right now? 155 00:06:34,850 --> 00:06:36,980 - No idea, but if you embarrassed me like that, 156 00:06:37,060 --> 00:06:38,480 I'd be furious. 157 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,070 I'm not joking around with you five minutes later! 158 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,860 [light music] 159 00:06:47,329 --> 00:06:49,119 Have we been underestimating Mike? 160 00:06:49,199 --> 00:06:50,869 Is he some sort of comic genius? 161 00:06:50,949 --> 00:06:52,749 - He's being mean! 162 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,749 Jaime's self-conscious about being a klutz, 163 00:06:54,829 --> 00:06:57,709 and Mike's just targeting his insecurity. 164 00:06:57,789 --> 00:07:00,589 - Then why is everyone laughing at it? 165 00:07:00,669 --> 00:07:03,049 - I guess because of grade two, that 166 00:07:03,129 --> 00:07:07,349 time he fell off the jungle gym four times in the same recess. 167 00:07:07,429 --> 00:07:08,759 - Just like how everyone remembers why 168 00:07:08,849 --> 00:07:10,519 Mike calls you "Goldbladder." 169 00:07:10,599 --> 00:07:15,229 [chuckling] 170 00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:19,319 - We promised never to speak of the incident. 171 00:07:19,399 --> 00:07:23,069 - But comedy is pain. 172 00:07:23,149 --> 00:07:27,699 So if we have to master it, we have to delve into our most 173 00:07:27,779 --> 00:07:29,489 painful experiences. 174 00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:32,329 - I hate when you use my own data against me. 175 00:07:32,409 --> 00:07:35,999 But you have a point. 176 00:07:36,079 --> 00:07:37,459 177 00:07:37,539 --> 00:07:43,919 Grade three, field trip, a long, long bus ride. 178 00:07:44,009 --> 00:07:47,129 For the life of me, I can't understand why my mom packed 179 00:07:47,219 --> 00:07:49,759 so many extra juice boxes. 180 00:07:49,849 --> 00:07:54,179 And that rain, just relentless. 181 00:07:54,269 --> 00:07:59,519 Not to mention, everyone kept singing that song over, 182 00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:02,729 and over, and over again. 183 00:08:02,819 --> 00:08:04,529 I can still hear their voices. 184 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,609 - Up above the world so high 185 00:08:06,699 --> 00:08:09,529 - Goldbladder! 186 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:10,869 [laughter] 187 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,239 - I know! 188 00:08:12,329 --> 00:08:14,499 - That day, I was dubbed "Goldbladder," 189 00:08:14,579 --> 00:08:17,499 and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life. 190 00:08:17,579 --> 00:08:19,169 - Oh, my gosh! 191 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,789 - Maybe we found the target to practice our experiment? 192 00:08:21,879 --> 00:08:24,959 So let's figure out Mike's greatest shame. 193 00:08:25,049 --> 00:08:26,299 - Right. 194 00:08:26,379 --> 00:08:27,679 We need to pry through his life and find 195 00:08:27,759 --> 00:08:31,349 Mike's pee-stained pants! 196 00:08:31,429 --> 00:08:34,769 I didn't know Chuck was gonna be here. 197 00:08:34,849 --> 00:08:37,769 [upbeat music] 198 00:08:37,849 --> 00:08:46,609 199 00:08:46,689 --> 00:08:48,149 Right. Mike. 200 00:08:48,239 --> 00:08:49,159 Mike. 201 00:08:49,239 --> 00:08:51,159 Mike. 202 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:55,159 203 00:08:55,239 --> 00:08:56,829 Why doesn't Mike seem all that interested 204 00:08:56,909 --> 00:08:59,329 in actually playing? 205 00:08:59,419 --> 00:09:03,249 Mike isn't nearly as attractive as his brother, Chuck. 206 00:09:03,339 --> 00:09:05,419 I mean, cool and nice. 207 00:09:05,499 --> 00:09:08,839 His dad and Chuck seem annoyed. 208 00:09:08,919 --> 00:09:11,549 [baby crying] 209 00:09:11,639 --> 00:09:14,969 210 00:09:15,059 --> 00:09:20,899 Holy schnickeys, Mike is terrible at basketball! 211 00:09:20,979 --> 00:09:26,689 And Chuck is-- no, stay on course, Lydia. 212 00:09:26,779 --> 00:09:27,989 - So, how was the stakeout? 213 00:09:28,069 --> 00:09:30,989 - As they say in basketball, a home run! 214 00:09:31,069 --> 00:09:35,699 - Um-- Well, show me what you got, Mary Seinfeld. 215 00:09:35,789 --> 00:09:39,039 - I don't know what stinks more, you or your jump shot. 216 00:09:39,119 --> 00:09:40,999 - Eh. - What's that? 217 00:09:41,079 --> 00:09:42,879 I couldn't hear you over the sound of your brother 218 00:09:42,959 --> 00:09:44,999 being better than you at basketball! 219 00:09:45,089 --> 00:09:46,419 - Oh! 220 00:09:46,499 --> 00:09:47,839 - You couldn't drive to the net without Googling 221 00:09:47,919 --> 00:09:49,879 the directions! - [laughs] 222 00:09:49,969 --> 00:09:53,009 - You lay more bricks than a masonry subcontractor. 223 00:09:53,089 --> 00:09:54,599 - I don't get that one. 224 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:57,719 - The only thing you've ever dunked is a donut! 225 00:09:57,809 --> 00:09:59,179 - Good morning, everyone. 226 00:09:59,269 --> 00:10:01,139 Principal LaRocque won't be in this morning. 227 00:10:01,229 --> 00:10:03,309 Minor DJing accident, OK? 228 00:10:03,399 --> 00:10:05,899 But he did pass along this. 229 00:10:05,979 --> 00:10:08,859 [horn blaring] 230 00:10:08,939 --> 00:10:10,279 OK? 231 00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:12,489 As we all know, it is pink shirt day today. 232 00:10:12,569 --> 00:10:14,069 - Boring! 233 00:10:14,159 --> 00:10:15,619 - Shh! 234 00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:19,579 - We want to celebrate kindness and reward kindness 235 00:10:19,659 --> 00:10:21,869 with an actual reward. 236 00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:24,499 Do you see what I did there? 237 00:10:24,579 --> 00:10:26,089 OK. 238 00:10:26,169 --> 00:10:30,049 So, this year's recipient of the kindness award is-- 239 00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,879 Does he actually want me to say it like-- 240 00:10:31,969 --> 00:10:32,929 OK. 241 00:10:33,009 --> 00:10:36,179 Ly-- Ly-- Ly-- Lydia Goldblatt! 242 00:10:36,259 --> 00:10:37,599 [horn blaring] 243 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:38,969 - Yeah, Lydia! 244 00:10:39,059 --> 00:10:39,969 - Come up here, Lydia. 245 00:10:40,059 --> 00:10:41,929 - That's my best friend! 246 00:10:42,019 --> 00:10:48,229 Go, Lydia! Whoo! 247 00:10:48,319 --> 00:10:49,939 - Um-- 248 00:10:50,029 --> 00:10:51,569 - Well, come on, Goldbladder! 249 00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:53,359 Let it flow! 250 00:10:53,449 --> 00:10:54,699 [laughter] 251 00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:59,079 - Whatever you say, Mike Cavallairball. 252 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,579 [horn blaring] 253 00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,289 - (LAUGHING) Oh! 254 00:11:02,369 --> 00:11:03,909 - Maybe don't touch that. 255 00:11:03,999 --> 00:11:06,959 - You ever seen this guy play basketball? 256 00:11:07,039 --> 00:11:09,959 Travels so much, they won't let him on the court 257 00:11:10,049 --> 00:11:11,339 without a tourist visa. 258 00:11:11,419 --> 00:11:13,799 - Oh! 259 00:11:13,879 --> 00:11:17,929 - You know, it's alley-oop, Mike, not alley, 260 00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:20,809 oops, I embarrassed myself. 261 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,309 [laughter] 262 00:11:22,389 --> 00:11:24,439 How many Mikes does it take to hit a free throw? 263 00:11:24,519 --> 00:11:27,019 We will literally never know. - Ooh. 264 00:11:27,099 --> 00:11:31,859 - Mike is terrible at passing, which isn't surprising, 265 00:11:31,939 --> 00:11:33,609 considering his GPA. 266 00:11:33,689 --> 00:11:35,029 [laughter] 267 00:11:35,109 --> 00:11:37,779 You're the LeBron James of being unathletic. 268 00:11:37,869 --> 00:11:41,409 Your defense is like my Bubby's bladder, weak. 269 00:11:41,489 --> 00:11:42,579 - Oh! 270 00:11:42,659 --> 00:11:44,079 - What's that? 271 00:11:44,159 --> 00:11:46,829 The sound of you being an athletic disappointment, 272 00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:50,089 another reason why your dad will never be proud of you. 273 00:11:50,169 --> 00:11:51,209 - Oh! 274 00:11:51,299 --> 00:11:52,209 Oh! 275 00:11:52,299 --> 00:11:53,759 - And that's my time. 276 00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:54,879 Tip your waitresses. 277 00:11:54,969 --> 00:11:56,759 Thank you, Mapleview Middle! 278 00:11:56,839 --> 00:11:58,299 Good night! 279 00:11:58,389 --> 00:11:59,509 - Yeah! 280 00:11:59,599 --> 00:12:02,219 That's my best friend! I know her! 281 00:12:02,309 --> 00:12:04,729 Yeah, Lydia! 282 00:12:04,809 --> 00:12:07,139 - Whoo! 283 00:12:07,229 --> 00:12:08,519 [applause] 284 00:12:08,599 --> 00:12:10,229 - A reminder that pink shirt day 285 00:12:10,309 --> 00:12:13,473 is about standing up to bullies, not celebrating them. 286 00:12:16,497 --> 00:12:19,417 [light music] 287 00:12:19,497 --> 00:12:24,797 288 00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:29,137 - Oh! 289 00:12:29,217 --> 00:12:32,427 - Ah! 290 00:12:32,507 --> 00:12:35,347 291 00:12:35,427 --> 00:12:37,307 - I can't believe it. 292 00:12:37,387 --> 00:12:38,977 Mike got what was coming to him. 293 00:12:39,057 --> 00:12:41,057 You stood up to your bully! 294 00:12:41,147 --> 00:12:42,227 You're amazing. 295 00:12:42,317 --> 00:12:44,607 - Thanks, I guess. 296 00:12:44,687 --> 00:12:47,857 - Hey, what's up, queen of comedy? 297 00:12:47,947 --> 00:12:49,447 - Huh. 298 00:12:49,527 --> 00:12:52,827 Maybe being a class clown is the secret to popularity. 299 00:12:52,907 --> 00:12:55,287 Not to mention the perfect tool to exact revenge 300 00:12:55,367 --> 00:12:57,287 on your bullies. 301 00:12:57,367 --> 00:13:00,997 Huh. 302 00:13:01,077 --> 00:13:10,137 [speaking mandarin] 303 00:13:10,217 --> 00:13:13,887 - Whatever you say, Ms. Won-Airball. 304 00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:15,887 - The only basket you've ever made-- 305 00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:25,647 Wait, does this even make sense? 306 00:13:25,727 --> 00:13:38,037 - Julie, stick up for yourself, jeez! 307 00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:39,457 - Chuck, hi! 308 00:13:39,537 --> 00:13:40,707 How are-- 309 00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:45,457 - Lydia, I've been looking for you. 310 00:13:45,547 --> 00:13:47,127 Look, this is awkward-- 311 00:13:47,207 --> 00:13:49,507 - Actually, I'm always like this. 312 00:13:49,587 --> 00:13:54,007 - --but I came here to ask you, can you lay off my brother? 313 00:13:54,097 --> 00:13:55,677 - I'm sorry, what? 314 00:13:55,757 --> 00:13:57,347 - You know, in the spirit of pink shirt day yesterday, 315 00:13:57,427 --> 00:13:59,177 just stop bullying him? 316 00:13:59,267 --> 00:14:00,767 - Me, bully Mike? 317 00:14:00,847 --> 00:14:02,397 I think you have it the wrong way around. 318 00:14:02,477 --> 00:14:06,107 - I get it, Mike is annoying, and-- 319 00:14:06,187 --> 00:14:07,777 --can be a little rude sometimes. 320 00:14:07,857 --> 00:14:08,937 - Sometimes? 321 00:14:09,027 --> 00:14:10,527 He's been calling me "Goldbladder" 322 00:14:10,607 --> 00:14:12,197 for four straight years. 323 00:14:12,277 --> 00:14:14,987 - He calls me "Cavaloser," even though that's his name. 324 00:14:15,077 --> 00:14:16,157 - What a dolt! 325 00:14:16,237 --> 00:14:18,037 Why does he do that? 326 00:14:18,117 --> 00:14:22,997 - I guess because, well, he thinks it makes him popular. 327 00:14:23,077 --> 00:14:24,377 - Oh. 328 00:14:24,457 --> 00:14:25,627 - But that doesn't make it right, obviously. 329 00:14:25,707 --> 00:14:27,047 - Yeah. 330 00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:28,707 - But it's also not OK that you make fun of him 331 00:14:28,797 --> 00:14:30,507 like that as part of your Netflix comedy special, 332 00:14:30,587 --> 00:14:31,757 or whatever that was. 333 00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:33,007 - You think I have enough material 334 00:14:33,087 --> 00:14:34,137 for a one-hour special? 335 00:14:34,217 --> 00:14:35,637 I was thinking-- 336 00:14:35,717 --> 00:14:37,387 - The thing about Mike is that he can dish it out, 337 00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:38,807 but he can't take it. 338 00:14:38,887 --> 00:14:42,057 He's not as cool as you, Lydia. 339 00:14:42,137 --> 00:14:45,147 If I tell Mike to stop, would you lay off of him? 340 00:14:45,227 --> 00:14:48,607 - Yeah. 341 00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:55,367 - Thanks, Goldblatt. I owe you one. 342 00:14:55,447 --> 00:14:59,197 343 00:14:59,287 --> 00:15:01,997 - Being a class clown totally worked. 344 00:15:02,077 --> 00:15:03,577 That roast was fire! 345 00:15:03,667 --> 00:15:05,917 - But I don't want to be an insult comic 346 00:15:05,997 --> 00:15:07,417 if it means I have to-- 347 00:15:07,497 --> 00:15:09,167 - Insult people? 348 00:15:09,247 --> 00:15:10,707 - Bully people. 349 00:15:10,797 --> 00:15:12,507 I think we did this all wrong. 350 00:15:12,587 --> 00:15:14,717 Do we have to start over and take an improv class? 351 00:15:14,797 --> 00:15:15,757 Because I'll do it. 352 00:15:15,837 --> 00:15:17,137 I'll be that annoying. 353 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,847 - I didn't realize you found a recipe 354 00:15:18,927 --> 00:15:21,097 for tasteless chicken penne. 355 00:15:21,177 --> 00:15:23,097 - Oh, amazing how you care so much 356 00:15:23,187 --> 00:15:24,517 about the taste of your food, but when it 357 00:15:24,597 --> 00:15:25,977 comes to your music choices-- 358 00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:27,437 - Don't you dare! 359 00:15:27,517 --> 00:15:30,897 Don't you dare make fun of Britney Spears! 360 00:15:30,977 --> 00:15:33,567 - Why does it seem OK when they do it? 361 00:15:33,647 --> 00:15:35,737 Is it because I didn't hug and kiss Mike? 362 00:15:35,817 --> 00:15:36,867 Because that's not happening. 363 00:15:36,947 --> 00:15:38,327 - I don't know. 364 00:15:38,407 --> 00:15:40,407 Maybe Mike and Jaime make fun of each other 365 00:15:40,487 --> 00:15:43,997 because they don't know how else to express themselves. 366 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:47,077 - Why can't they just say the things they feel? 367 00:15:47,167 --> 00:15:51,377 368 00:15:51,457 --> 00:15:55,047 - You're absolutely right. 369 00:15:55,127 --> 00:15:56,677 370 00:15:56,757 --> 00:16:00,097 - I thought we were still on my thing, but, OK. 371 00:16:00,177 --> 00:16:02,807 372 00:16:02,887 --> 00:16:05,687 - Dad. 373 00:16:05,767 --> 00:16:08,437 I need to talk to Baba alone. 374 00:16:08,517 --> 00:16:11,107 375 00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:12,107 Hey. 376 00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:13,687 - What's up, sweetie? 377 00:16:13,777 --> 00:16:16,197 - There's something I need to say. 378 00:16:16,277 --> 00:16:21,197 379 00:16:21,277 --> 00:16:22,197 I want to quit Chinese school. 380 00:16:22,287 --> 00:16:23,577 - Excuse me? 381 00:16:23,657 --> 00:16:24,997 - Oh, gosh, you hate me. 382 00:16:25,077 --> 00:16:26,537 - I honestly don't know what you said. 383 00:16:26,617 --> 00:16:30,037 Sometimes you blurt talk when you're nervous. 384 00:16:30,127 --> 00:16:32,997 - I want to quit Chinese school. 385 00:16:33,087 --> 00:16:35,837 It's the only place that makes me feel stupid. 386 00:16:35,917 --> 00:16:38,047 It's like they're speaking a whole other language. 387 00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:39,717 - They are. 388 00:16:39,797 --> 00:16:41,547 - I know it's important to have a connection to our culture, 389 00:16:41,637 --> 00:16:44,927 but I just can't do it anymore. 390 00:16:45,017 --> 00:16:51,647 - Oh, come here. 391 00:16:51,727 --> 00:16:54,937 Look, you don't have to keep doing something 392 00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:56,647 if it makes you this unhappy. 393 00:16:56,737 --> 00:16:59,567 - So, I'm not letting you down? 394 00:16:59,657 --> 00:17:00,987 - Are you kidding? 395 00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,447 I quit when I was your age. 396 00:17:02,527 --> 00:17:04,367 I wish I'd done it sooner. 397 00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:07,327 I'm still scarred by Mrs. Wan. 398 00:17:07,407 --> 00:17:09,037 - You had Mrs. Wan too? 399 00:17:09,117 --> 00:17:10,037 - Mm-hmm. 400 00:17:10,127 --> 00:17:11,327 - Is she, like, 100? 401 00:17:11,417 --> 00:17:13,547 - We called her the "wrath of Wan." 402 00:17:13,627 --> 00:17:14,547 - To her face? 403 00:17:14,627 --> 00:17:15,757 - Of course not. 404 00:17:15,837 --> 00:17:17,917 I kind of wish I did. 405 00:17:18,007 --> 00:17:54,837 - Hmm. - Oh. 406 00:17:54,917 --> 00:18:00,127 - Thanks for nothing, wrath of Wan! 407 00:18:00,217 --> 00:18:03,847 - [laughs] 408 00:18:03,927 --> 00:18:07,347 - I have student quit on me for 30 years, 409 00:18:07,427 --> 00:18:10,767 and this is the best one yet! 410 00:18:10,847 --> 00:18:12,807 - Wait, you're not mad? 411 00:18:12,897 --> 00:18:14,147 - Are you kidding? 412 00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:17,727 You should have quit three years ago! 413 00:18:17,817 --> 00:18:19,487 [speaking mandarin] 414 00:18:19,567 --> 00:18:20,806 [laughs] 415 00:18:30,399 --> 00:18:32,609 - Ah! 416 00:18:32,699 --> 00:18:34,119 Coming for more material? 417 00:18:34,199 --> 00:18:36,579 What are you gonna make fun of next? 418 00:18:36,659 --> 00:18:40,619 - I came to apologize, Mike. 419 00:18:40,709 --> 00:18:42,919 I'm sorry. 420 00:18:42,999 --> 00:18:45,589 I want to make you feel better about what I did. 421 00:18:45,669 --> 00:18:48,799 I know being a class clown is kind of your only outlet. 422 00:18:48,879 --> 00:18:50,629 - What does that mean? 423 00:18:50,719 --> 00:18:51,929 - Well, you're not good at school-- 424 00:18:52,009 --> 00:18:53,179 - What? 425 00:18:53,259 --> 00:18:54,259 - You're clearly not good at sports. 426 00:18:54,339 --> 00:18:55,469 - Hey! 427 00:18:55,549 --> 00:18:56,849 - Making jokes, it's all you have. 428 00:18:56,929 --> 00:18:58,769 - Why are you still ripping on me? 429 00:18:58,849 --> 00:19:05,609 - I was wrong to hurt your feelings just to get a laugh. 430 00:19:05,689 --> 00:19:06,649 - OK. 431 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:07,979 Thanks, I guess. 432 00:19:08,069 --> 00:19:10,439 - But I have to tell you how I feel, too. 433 00:19:10,529 --> 00:19:13,279 When you call me "Goldbladder," it really hurts my feelings. 434 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:15,239 - Oh. 435 00:19:15,319 --> 00:19:16,619 I didn't know. 436 00:19:16,699 --> 00:19:18,449 I thought you were laughing along with me. 437 00:19:18,539 --> 00:19:19,869 - Why would you assume that? 438 00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:22,789 - Headgear Henry, Jaime, everyone else does. 439 00:19:22,869 --> 00:19:25,329 But if you want me to stop, then I will. 440 00:19:25,419 --> 00:19:34,429 Truce? - Truce. 441 00:19:34,509 --> 00:19:39,349 [sighs] 442 00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:40,809 Wait-- - This feels so wrong! 443 00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:42,309 - This doesn't feel right either. 444 00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,599 - Maybe making light fun of each other 445 00:19:44,689 --> 00:19:45,649 is kind of our thing. 446 00:19:45,729 --> 00:19:47,059 - OK, hear me out. 447 00:19:47,149 --> 00:19:48,859 One thing I've learned from all this 448 00:19:48,939 --> 00:19:50,939 is that an insult is only funny when it comes 449 00:19:51,029 --> 00:19:52,819 from a place of affection. 450 00:19:52,899 --> 00:19:53,989 - Whoa! 451 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,159 That's, like, deep, man! 452 00:19:56,239 --> 00:19:58,409 - A joke's only funny if we're both laughing. 453 00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:01,329 - Seriously, you should put those on T-shirts! 454 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:03,409 - I can't believe I'm saying this, 455 00:20:03,499 --> 00:20:05,869 but I think we have to become friends 456 00:20:05,959 --> 00:20:07,249 in order to stay nemeses. 457 00:20:07,329 --> 00:20:09,129 - Whatever you say, Goldbladder. 458 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,129 - Right back at you, Cavalintwad. 459 00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:12,509 - Oh, come on! 460 00:20:12,589 --> 00:20:14,089 Cavaloser was just sitting right there! 461 00:20:14,169 --> 00:20:15,679 - You know what else is sitting right here? 462 00:20:15,759 --> 00:20:19,009 - Ooh! 463 00:20:19,099 --> 00:20:20,559 Atomic wedgie! 464 00:20:20,639 --> 00:20:22,889 The holy grail! 465 00:20:22,969 --> 00:20:26,519 - Mm. 466 00:20:26,599 --> 00:20:32,069 Hmm. 467 00:20:32,149 --> 00:20:34,069 Mm-hmm. - Mm. 468 00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:35,199 - Mm-hmm. 469 00:20:35,279 --> 00:20:37,029 - You know what I just realized? 470 00:20:37,109 --> 00:20:39,319 If we both quit Mrs. Wan's class, 471 00:20:39,409 --> 00:20:41,779 it's kind of like our own unique family tradition. 472 00:20:41,869 --> 00:20:47,459 - Giving up, a Chang family custom that spans generations. 473 00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:49,879 - But I still want to find some way to stay 474 00:20:49,959 --> 00:20:51,499 connected to our culture. 475 00:20:51,589 --> 00:20:53,169 - If you really want, I can teach you how to make bao. 476 00:20:53,249 --> 00:20:54,169 - Really? 477 00:20:54,259 --> 00:20:55,339 That'd be so cool! 478 00:20:55,419 --> 00:20:57,549 - I mean, I can Google it. 479 00:20:57,629 --> 00:20:59,049 Nainai never taught me. 480 00:20:59,139 --> 00:21:01,349 - Did she also never teach you how to play Mahjong? 481 00:21:01,429 --> 00:21:02,719 - How can you tell? 482 00:21:02,809 --> 00:21:04,719 - You're just stacking random tiles. 483 00:21:04,809 --> 00:21:06,679 - That's what you're doing too. 484 00:21:06,769 --> 00:21:08,939 - Obviously. 485 00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:10,979 I can't believe it, but becoming a class clown 486 00:21:11,059 --> 00:21:12,149 actually worked. 487 00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:14,609 You were a regular Joan Rivers! 488 00:21:14,689 --> 00:21:16,989 - Sure, but it wasn't for me. 489 00:21:17,069 --> 00:21:19,489 Getting a laugh isn't worth it if it ruins someone's day. 490 00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:21,909 - Amen. 491 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:26,199 So, on the patented Julie-Lydia rating scale, 492 00:21:26,289 --> 00:21:27,999 what do we give this experiment? 493 00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:33,539 - Two airballs out of five. 494 00:21:33,629 --> 00:21:36,089 - We really need to standardize our rating system. 495 00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:38,379 - Honestly, I think it's working. 496 00:21:38,469 --> 00:21:41,389 [upbeat music] 497 00:21:41,469 --> 00:21:48,559 498 00:21:48,609 --> 00:21:53,159 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33662

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