All language subtitles for Keeping.Up.Appearances.5x03.Hyacinth.Is.Alarmed.(DVD).Tishbite75

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,634 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:40,434 GOOD MORNING, DEAR! 3 00:00:42,968 --> 00:00:45,934 I SAID, GOOD MORNING, DEAR. 4 00:00:49,634 --> 00:00:52,133 TIME TO WAKE UP ON THIS, 5 00:00:52,133 --> 00:00:54,400 OUR SPECIAL DAY. 6 00:00:59,067 --> 00:01:01,067 I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 7 00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:04,634 YOU'RE PRETENDING TO HAVE FORGOTTEN. 8 00:01:05,634 --> 00:01:08,734 BUT I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN THAT, 9 00:01:08,734 --> 00:01:10,601 RICHARD BOUQUET. 10 00:01:10,601 --> 00:01:12,868 YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN MIND. 11 00:01:12,868 --> 00:01:16,067 YOU'RE GOING TO SURPRISE ME. 12 00:01:22,033 --> 00:01:24,467 ARE YOU UP? WHAT TIME IS IT? 13 00:01:27,434 --> 00:01:29,767 ARE YOU SMILING AT ME? 14 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:34,234 OF COURSE I'M SMILING AT YOU. 15 00:01:34,234 --> 00:01:36,534 BUT WHY ARE YOU SMILING AT ME? 16 00:01:36,534 --> 00:01:39,200 I SHALL GO AND MAKE SOME TEA. 17 00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:45,934 A VERY GOOD MORNING TO YOU. 18 00:01:48,634 --> 00:01:50,667 WHAT HAVE I DONE? 19 00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:54,734 I WONDER WHAT HE'S BOUGHT ME. 20 00:01:57,167 --> 00:02:00,400 HE'S SO THOUGHTFUL, BLESS HIS HEART. 21 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,667 A LITTLE BOSSY NOW AND AGAIN BUT SO THOUGHTFUL. 22 00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:10,033 I WONDER WHAT THE SURPRISE IS. 23 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,701 PERHAPS IT'S COMING BY POST. 24 00:02:16,801 --> 00:02:19,701 WE'LL SEE WHAT THE POSTMAN BRINGS. 25 00:02:19,701 --> 00:02:23,367 * WHEN I'M CALLING YOU! * 26 00:02:28,534 --> 00:02:32,100 ONSLOW, WAKE UP. 27 00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:34,400 THERE'S A MAN IN OUR BEDROOM. 28 00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:39,734 I REMEMBER A TIME WHEN I COULD SAY THAT WITH MORE CONFIDENCE. 29 00:02:40,901 --> 00:02:43,801 ( groans ) WHAT'S WRONG? 30 00:02:43,801 --> 00:02:45,868 THERE'S A MAN IN OUR BEDROOM. 31 00:02:45,868 --> 00:02:47,701 I THINK HE'S ASLEEP. 32 00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:50,834 HE'S HAVING A BETTER TIME THAN I AM. 33 00:02:50,834 --> 00:02:53,767 I'M NOT SEEING THINGS, LOOK. 34 00:02:53,767 --> 00:02:55,834 NEAR THE WALL! 35 00:02:55,834 --> 00:02:57,634 OH. 36 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,167 IT'S YOUR FATHER. 37 00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:08,400 WHY IS HE JUST SITTING THERE? 38 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,634 THERE'S PROBABLY SOME VERY REASONABLE EXPLANATION. 39 00:03:11,634 --> 00:03:13,400 SUCH AS WHAT? 40 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,868 HE'S DEAD. 41 00:03:15,868 --> 00:03:17,868 HE'S NOT DEAD. 42 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,300 HE LOOKS DEAD. 43 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,200 Daisy: HE OFTEN LOOKS DEAD. 44 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,033 - GO AND WAKE HIM UP. - OH, DAISE, 45 00:03:27,033 --> 00:03:30,434 THAT'S ONE HELL OF AN ASSIGNMENT FOR THIS TIME OF THE MORNING. 46 00:03:30,434 --> 00:03:33,133 ESPECIALLY IF HE IS DEAD. 47 00:03:35,467 --> 00:03:37,200 WAS THAT THE POST? 48 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,000 Richard: I DON'T THINK SO. 49 00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:43,968 HE WOULD BE LATE THIS MORNING. 50 00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:47,934 OH WELL, IT ALL ADDS TO THE EXCITEMENT. 51 00:03:49,934 --> 00:03:52,701 AH, THERE YOU ARE, DEAR. READY FOR BREAKFAST? 52 00:03:52,701 --> 00:03:54,934 JUST THE USUAL. 53 00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:57,367 NO, NO, NO! NOT THE USUAL. 54 00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:58,968 SOMETHING SPECIAL. 55 00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:02,133 NOW WHAT WOULD YOU REALLY LIKE 56 00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:04,200 THIS MORNING FOR BREAKFAST? 57 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,501 YOU JUST SIT THERE AND THINK ABOUT IT 58 00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:09,400 AND TELL ME. 59 00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:14,033 DO I HEAR FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST? 60 00:04:14,033 --> 00:04:16,734 IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE YOU COOKED ME-- 61 00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:19,734 ONE FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST COMING UP. 62 00:04:19,734 --> 00:04:22,467 OH, FIRST I MUST JUST CATCH THE POSTMAN. 63 00:04:22,467 --> 00:04:25,167 ENJOY YOUR ORANGE JUICE, DEAR. 64 00:04:25,167 --> 00:04:27,567 ALL THAT LOVELY VITAMIN C. 65 00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:32,300 SHE'S IN A REALLY GOOD MOOD. 66 00:04:33,701 --> 00:04:36,767 I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL. 67 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,067 Hyacinth: BACK IN A MOMENT. 68 00:04:55,934 --> 00:04:58,033 ( footsteps approach ) 69 00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:09,133 OH, THERE YOU ARE. 70 00:05:09,133 --> 00:05:11,434 A STONE IN MY SHOE. 71 00:05:11,434 --> 00:05:14,033 OW! OW! OW! 72 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,000 THAT'S BETTER. 73 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,701 DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN YOU GET A STONE IN YOUR SHOE? 74 00:05:24,701 --> 00:05:28,634 I'M WAITING FOR MY MAIL. HAVE YOU ANYTHING FOR ME? 75 00:05:28,634 --> 00:05:30,567 YES. 76 00:05:30,567 --> 00:05:32,501 I KNEW IT. 77 00:05:32,501 --> 00:05:35,167 HE'S PRETENDING HE'S FORGOTTEN AND ALL THE TIME-- 78 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,701 - IS THIS ALL? - THAT'S IT. 79 00:05:38,701 --> 00:05:40,901 THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE. 80 00:05:40,901 --> 00:05:43,567 I'M EXPECTING A PACKAGE FROM MY HUSBAND. 81 00:05:43,567 --> 00:05:46,167 SORRY, NO MORE FOR BUCKET. 82 00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:48,968 - "BOUQUET." - ARE YOU SURE? 83 00:05:50,367 --> 00:05:52,868 THIS IS MOST INCONVENIENT. 84 00:05:52,868 --> 00:05:56,467 MY HUSBAND'S ANNIVERSARY GIFT IS LURKING SOMEWHERE 85 00:05:56,467 --> 00:05:58,300 IN YOUR SORTING HOUSES. 86 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,601 YOU CAN TELL THE POSTMASTER GENERAL-- 87 00:06:00,601 --> 00:06:02,133 I DON'T SEE HIM THAT OFTEN. 88 00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:04,667 THAT HE'LL HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS! 89 00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:06,567 YOU HAVE A NAP. 90 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,934 YOU'LL BE QUITE SAFE DOWN HERE. 91 00:06:08,934 --> 00:06:10,501 IT WAS TERRIBLE. 92 00:06:12,868 --> 00:06:15,033 YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT NOW. 93 00:06:15,033 --> 00:06:17,000 ONSLOW'S HERE. 94 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,968 HERE YOU'LL NOTICE, WHEN I SHOULD BE IN BED, 95 00:06:19,968 --> 00:06:21,667 YOUR FATHER SHOULD BE IN BED. 96 00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:24,767 I'M NOT GOING BACK UP THERE. NEVER EVER. 97 00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:28,534 - IT WAS HORRIBLE. - NOW YOU JUST GO TO SLEEP. 98 00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:33,767 OH, WHAT'S UP WITH FATHER? 99 00:06:33,767 --> 00:06:36,501 HE SAYS HIS BEDROOM'S HAUNTED. 100 00:06:36,501 --> 00:06:38,300 HE'S SEEN SOMETHING. 101 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:41,934 IF WE HAVE GOT A GHOST, LET'S HOPE IT'S HANDY ROUND THE HOUSE. 102 00:06:43,501 --> 00:06:45,801 WHAT KIND OF GHOST IS IT? 103 00:06:45,801 --> 00:06:48,567 IT'S THIS FIGURE OF A WOMAN. 104 00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:50,601 WOULDN'T YOU KNOW? 105 00:06:50,601 --> 00:06:53,501 THAT'S ALL WE NEED AROUND HERE, ANOTHER WOMAN. 106 00:06:53,501 --> 00:06:57,334 YOU'RE NOT STILL ON ABOUT MR. WHATSIT, ARE YOU? 107 00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:00,400 WELL, CHANGING HIS MIND LIKE THAT. 108 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:04,267 GOING BACK TO SOME REDHEAD IN POLAND. 109 00:07:04,267 --> 00:07:06,667 ( sighs ) OH WELL, MEN. 110 00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:09,234 WHO NEED THEM? 111 00:07:09,234 --> 00:07:11,200 WE GIRLS DO. 112 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,267 YOU MUSTN'T BE SO BITTER, ROSE. 113 00:07:17,267 --> 00:07:19,934 MEN HAVE JUST AS MUCH RIGHT 114 00:07:19,934 --> 00:07:22,501 TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS AS US LADIES. 115 00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:25,100 WELL, I COULDN'T PRONOUNCE HIM ANYWAY. 116 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,067 WHAT ABOUT ME? 117 00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:28,834 WHAT? 118 00:07:28,834 --> 00:07:30,567 SORRY, DADDY. 119 00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:33,601 I'M NOT GOING BACK UP THERE. IT WAS GHASTLY. 120 00:07:33,601 --> 00:07:35,634 IT'S ALL RIGHT. 121 00:07:35,634 --> 00:07:38,067 WE'LL GET HYACINTH'S VICAR. 122 00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:39,901 OH YES! 123 00:07:39,901 --> 00:07:41,834 LET'S GET THE VICAR. 124 00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:44,701 OH, BUT NOT BEFORE I'VE GOT MY MAKE-UP ON. 125 00:07:44,701 --> 00:07:46,467 I'LL PUT THE KETTLE ON. 126 00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:52,334 NO, I WANT THE SENIOR POSTAL OFFICIAL. 127 00:07:52,334 --> 00:07:54,334 HMM? 128 00:07:54,334 --> 00:07:57,968 WELL, IF HE'S THE AREA MANAGER I SUPPOSE HE'LL HAVE TO DO. 129 00:07:57,968 --> 00:08:01,367 THOUGH I SHOULD HAVE PREFERRED SOMETHING ON A NATIONAL SCALE. 130 00:08:01,367 --> 00:08:03,667 WHO ARE YOU CALLING? 131 00:08:03,667 --> 00:08:06,400 A VERY NEGLIGENT POST OFFICE. 132 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,968 THEY'VE LET YOU DOWN. 133 00:08:07,968 --> 00:08:10,133 LET ME DOWN? 134 00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:13,601 AND A VERY GOOD MORNING TO YOU TOO. 135 00:08:13,601 --> 00:08:16,200 THOUGH IT'S NOT BEEN A GOOD MORNING FOR ME. 136 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,901 LOOK, YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS FAILURES IN YOUR DEPARTMENT. 137 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:24,133 THE SURPRISE FROM MY HUSBAND 138 00:08:24,133 --> 00:08:26,300 HASN'T ARRIVED. 139 00:08:28,334 --> 00:08:30,701 NO, FOR OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. 140 00:08:30,701 --> 00:08:33,367 HE NEVER FORGETS OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. 141 00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,434 WELL... 142 00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:44,634 NO, OF COURSE IT WAS COMING BY POST. 143 00:08:44,634 --> 00:08:47,801 YOU'VE LET HIM DOWN. 144 00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:52,300 I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE PACKAGE. IT'S A SURPRISE. 145 00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:55,601 ALL I KNOW IS IT HASN'T ARRIVED. 146 00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:58,501 YES, I'LL GIVE YOU MY NAME AND ADDRESS. IT'S "BOUQUET." 147 00:08:58,501 --> 00:09:01,067 B-U-C-K-E-T. 148 00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:04,234 NO, IT IS "BOUQUET." 149 00:09:04,234 --> 00:09:08,100 - AND MY ADDRESS-- - HYACINTH, I CAN EXPLAIN. 150 00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:11,133 - OVER BREAKFAST. - OH. 151 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:14,167 NOW I'M GOING TO COOK YOU 152 00:09:14,167 --> 00:09:16,868 A FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST. 153 00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:19,267 I'LL JUST PUT THE KETTLE ON. 154 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,834 NO, LEAVE ALL THAT. 155 00:09:20,834 --> 00:09:23,934 IT REALLY IS A BIG SURPRISE, ISN'T IT? 156 00:09:23,934 --> 00:09:26,534 YES. 157 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,367 I THINK THAT IT WILL BE. 158 00:09:31,868 --> 00:09:34,934 YOU KNOW THEY HAD ANOTHER BURGLARY AT NUMBER 23? 159 00:09:34,934 --> 00:09:37,067 THEY'VE TAKEN THE VIDEO AGAIN. 160 00:09:37,067 --> 00:09:39,501 DON'T THIEVES LACK IMAGINATION? 161 00:09:41,167 --> 00:09:44,467 - THAT'S TWICE IN THREE MONTHS. - MM-HM. 162 00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:47,400 HYACINTH WILL BE LIVID. 163 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,501 SHE CAN'T BEAR ANYONE GETTING MORE ATTENTION THAN HER, 164 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:56,534 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 165 00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:59,267 I'M GOING TO CALL HYACINTH AND TELL HER. 166 00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:01,167 OH, THAT'S WICKED. 167 00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:04,067 JUST A CARING ACT, LIZ. 168 00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:06,868 I MEAN, WHAT ARE NEIGHBORS FOR? 169 00:10:06,868 --> 00:10:10,067 SHE'LL HATE IT. I KNOW SHE'LL JUST HATE IT. 170 00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:12,100 YES! 171 00:10:13,701 --> 00:10:15,634 NOW COME ALONG. 172 00:10:15,634 --> 00:10:18,701 DON'T KEEP ME IN SUSPENSE ANY LONGER. 173 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,100 WHERE'S MY SURPRISE? 174 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,367 IS IT SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED? 175 00:10:23,367 --> 00:10:25,667 NOT REALLY. 176 00:10:26,701 --> 00:10:29,300 OH, A COMPLETE SURPRISE. 177 00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:31,634 RICHARD, HOW CLEVER OF YOU. 178 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,267 WELL, TO-- 179 00:10:38,267 --> 00:10:40,934 - TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, HYACINTH-- - ( phone ringing ) 180 00:10:40,934 --> 00:10:43,400 EXCUSE ME, DEAR, THAT'S BOUND TO BE SOMEONE IMPORTANT. 181 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:49,834 BOUQUET RESIDENCE. LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING. 182 00:10:51,534 --> 00:10:54,033 HYACINTH, FOR ONCE... 183 00:10:54,033 --> 00:10:56,267 IN ALL THESE YEARS... 184 00:10:56,267 --> 00:10:59,267 I'VE FORGOTTEN OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. 185 00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:01,667 I'M TERRIBLE SORRY 186 00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:04,534 AND I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU SOMEHOW. 187 00:11:04,534 --> 00:11:07,834 HYACINTH, FOR ONCE-- 188 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:11,767 THAT WAS EMMET. NUMBER 23 HAS BEEN BURGLED AGAIN. 189 00:11:11,767 --> 00:11:14,133 THAT'S TWICE IN THREE MONTHS. 190 00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:16,901 HOW PRETENTIOUS. 191 00:11:16,901 --> 00:11:19,100 WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, DEAR? 192 00:11:20,701 --> 00:11:23,834 THE SURPRISE FOR OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. 193 00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:27,734 BECAUSE OF ALL THESE BURGLARIES 194 00:11:27,734 --> 00:11:32,501 I'VE DECIDED TO HAVE SECURITY INSTALLED FOR YOU. 195 00:11:32,501 --> 00:11:35,567 OH, RICHARD! 196 00:11:36,601 --> 00:11:40,167 WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA. 197 00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:42,968 OH! OH! 198 00:11:45,567 --> 00:11:47,434 OUR OWN CUSTOM-MADE 199 00:11:47,434 --> 00:11:49,934 SUPERIOR SECURITY INSTALLATION 200 00:11:49,934 --> 00:11:52,000 FOR BETTER CLASS PREMISES. 201 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,467 THEN PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND THE REASON WE'RE NOT BURGLED 202 00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:58,934 IS OUR SECURITY SYSTEM, 203 00:11:58,934 --> 00:12:01,634 AND NOT THAT WE'VE NOTHING WORTH TAKING. 204 00:12:04,467 --> 00:12:07,334 OH, AND THERE YOU WERE 205 00:12:07,334 --> 00:12:10,267 PRETENDING YOU'D FORGOTTEN. 206 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:17,267 NO, IT HAS TO BE TODAY. SOMEONE HAS TO CALL TODAY. 207 00:12:18,434 --> 00:12:20,567 YES, I REALIZE YOU CAN'T INSTALL IT TODAY 208 00:12:20,567 --> 00:12:23,367 BUT CAN YOU SEND SOMEONE ROUND TO INSPECT THE PLACE? 209 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:26,734 NO, I REALIZE IT'S SHORT NOTICE. 210 00:12:26,734 --> 00:12:29,968 EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT ARE YOU MARRIED BY ANY CHANCE? 211 00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:35,300 HAVE YOU EVER FORGOTTEN YOUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY? 212 00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:38,067 WELL, THEN YOU'LL UNDERSTAND MY URGENCY. 213 00:12:40,501 --> 00:12:44,000 YOU ARE A GENTLEMAN, SIR. 214 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,601 OH, ONE MORE THING. 215 00:12:45,601 --> 00:12:49,234 CAN YOUR REPRESENTATIVE PRETEND THAT I ORDERED IT A WEEK AGO? 216 00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:53,767 GOOD MAN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 217 00:12:59,434 --> 00:13:02,834 I WANT YOU TO BE THE FIRST TO KNOW, ELIZABETH. 218 00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:07,501 I'M GOING TO BE ALARMED. 219 00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:11,601 OH, YOU NEEDN'T BE ALARMED, HYACINTH, 220 00:13:11,601 --> 00:13:13,200 I HAVEN'T TOUCHED IT YET. 221 00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:16,501 NO, DEAR. 222 00:13:16,501 --> 00:13:19,767 RICHARD IS GOING TO ALARM ME 223 00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:22,434 FOR OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. 224 00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:25,634 - BISCUIT? - THANK YOU. 225 00:13:25,634 --> 00:13:29,534 YOU HAVE TO ADMIRE HIS SPIRIT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. 226 00:13:29,534 --> 00:13:32,868 IT'S HIS SURPRISE FOR ME. 227 00:13:32,868 --> 00:13:35,868 TO ALARM YOU FOR YOUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY? 228 00:13:35,868 --> 00:13:38,834 YES, HE'S GETTING A FIRM OF SPECIALISTS IN TO DO IT. 229 00:13:43,701 --> 00:13:46,167 AND I'D THOUGHT HE'D FORGOTTEN. 230 00:13:46,167 --> 00:13:49,434 FOR ONE TERRIBLE MOMENT I'D THOUGHT HE'D FORGOTTEN. 231 00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:57,534 HELLO, BOY. 232 00:14:04,734 --> 00:14:07,501 - OH HELLO, VICAR. - GOOD MORN-- 233 00:14:09,234 --> 00:14:12,234 OH, A BURGLAR ALARM! 234 00:14:12,234 --> 00:14:15,234 YES, OF COURSE, DEAR. 235 00:14:15,234 --> 00:14:18,567 WELL, YOU HAD ME WONDERING THERE FOR A MOMENT. 236 00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:21,267 I THINK IT'S SWEET OF RICHARD TO WANT TO SECURE ME 237 00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:23,801 AGAINST INTRUDERS. 238 00:14:23,801 --> 00:14:26,734 IS IT BECAUSE OF THE BURGLARY AT NUMBER 23? 239 00:14:26,734 --> 00:14:29,501 OH NO, DEAR. HE ORDERED IT SOME TIME AGO. 240 00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:32,467 I BELIEVE THAT HE FEELS AS I DO. 241 00:14:32,467 --> 00:14:35,234 THAT SOMEONE HAS TO SET THE TONE FOR THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 242 00:14:35,234 --> 00:14:39,300 WILL IT BE A VERY LOUD TONE, HYACINTH? 243 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:41,067 OH YES, DEAR. OF COURSE. 244 00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:44,167 BUT IN THE BEST POSSIBLE TASTE. 245 00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:48,501 YOU KNOW, PEOPLE MUST HAVE WONDERING WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN ALARMED BEFORE. 246 00:14:48,501 --> 00:14:51,133 AFTER ALL, THERE IS EXTENSIVE INTEREST 247 00:14:51,133 --> 00:14:54,534 IN MY ROYAL DOULTON WITH THE HAND-PAINTED PERIWINKLES. 248 00:14:55,968 --> 00:14:58,834 YES, I CAN ASSURE YOU THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD KNOWS ABOUT IT. 249 00:14:58,834 --> 00:15:01,033 THERE YOU ARE, YOU SEE? BISCUIT? 250 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,767 NO THANK YOU. 251 00:15:04,501 --> 00:15:07,634 AND THEN THERE'S SHERIDAN'S PEARL BUTTON COLLECTION. 252 00:15:07,634 --> 00:15:11,300 NO, I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NOBODY THESE DAYS 253 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:13,200 WITHOUT A BURGLAR ALARM. 254 00:15:15,601 --> 00:15:17,934 FATHER'S BEEN SEEING A FIGURE. 255 00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:19,701 FEMALE. 256 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:23,200 - A FIGURE? - IT WAS TERRIFYING. 257 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,167 I'LL NEVER SLEEP IN THAT ROOM AGAIN. 258 00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:28,534 OF COURSE YOU WILL, FATHER. 259 00:15:28,534 --> 00:15:32,767 JUST AS SOON AS THE VICAR'S WRESTLED WITH IT SPIRITUALLY. 260 00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:35,567 I DON'T KNOW THAT I'M TERRIBLY GOOD WITH APPARITIONS. 261 00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:39,067 DON'T EVEN LIKE TO BE TOO CLOSE TO THE COFFIN AT FUNERALS. 262 00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:41,200 JUST GIVE IT A WHACK, VICAR. 263 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,000 - DO YOUR BEST. - I'M SURE HE WILL. 264 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,033 OTHERWISE WE'RE STUCK WITH HIM IN OUR BEDROOM. 265 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,801 NOT THAT THERE'S ALL THAT MUCH HAPPENING IN OUR BEDROOM. 266 00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:55,067 THEY CAN BE SUCH LONELY PLACES, BEDROOMS. 267 00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:57,534 IT WAS THERE GRINNING AT ME. 268 00:15:57,534 --> 00:16:00,133 I WOKE UP, OPENED MY EYES 269 00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:02,000 AND THERE IT WAS. 270 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,501 I THINK THAT PERHAPS WHAT I OUGHT TO DO 271 00:16:04,501 --> 00:16:06,901 IS SEEK SPECIALIST HELP. 272 00:16:06,901 --> 00:16:09,100 THE CHURCH HAS PEOPLE THAT SPECIALIZE IN THIS. 273 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,901 OH, YOU CAN DO IT, VICAR. 274 00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:13,234 WE'VE ALL GOT FAITH IN YOU. 275 00:16:13,234 --> 00:16:16,968 PUT HIM DOWN, ROSE. HE'S GOT WORK TO DO. 276 00:16:16,968 --> 00:16:18,868 WE'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU, VICAR. 277 00:16:18,868 --> 00:16:20,767 Rose: YOU CAN RELY ON THAT. 278 00:16:20,767 --> 00:16:22,834 GO ON UP, VICAR. 279 00:16:26,334 --> 00:16:28,501 WE'VE NEVER BEEN HAUNTED BEFORE. 280 00:16:28,501 --> 00:16:32,934 UP TO NOW THE ONLY PERSISTENT UNWELCOME VISITOR HAS BEEN THE RENT MAN. 281 00:16:32,934 --> 00:16:34,868 Onslow: AND YOUR HYACINTH. 282 00:16:37,534 --> 00:16:39,200 THAT'S THE ONE, VICAR, THERE. 283 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,834 I THINK I CAN PROBABLY DO THIS FROM OUTSIDE THE DOOR. 284 00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:45,934 OH NO, YOU GO IN, VICAR. JUST MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. 285 00:16:45,934 --> 00:16:48,033 I COULD GO IN WITH HIM IF HE LIKES. 286 00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:50,000 IT'S SOMETHING HE HAS TO DO ON HIS OWN. 287 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,033 I DON'T MIND ROSE WITH ME IF SHE WISHES. 288 00:16:52,033 --> 00:16:54,234 SHE'LL ONLY GET UNDER YOUR FEET. 289 00:16:59,334 --> 00:17:02,434 BE GONE! I COMMAND YOU! 290 00:17:02,434 --> 00:17:03,801 ( creaks ) 291 00:17:03,801 --> 00:17:05,567 ( whimpers ) 292 00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:10,834 I WAS GOING ANYWAY. 293 00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:13,801 NO NEED TO MAKE A FUSS. 294 00:17:13,801 --> 00:17:18,000 IT WAS HE INVITED ME LAST NIGHT. 295 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,000 AT OVER-60s. 296 00:17:30,934 --> 00:17:33,434 ( doorbell rings ) 297 00:17:36,701 --> 00:17:38,667 BUCKET? 298 00:17:45,434 --> 00:17:48,367 - IT'S "BOUQUET." - WHAT? 299 00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:52,868 - "BOUQUET." - OH, RIGHT. 300 00:17:52,868 --> 00:17:54,767 SORRY. 301 00:17:54,767 --> 00:17:56,601 TRY AGAIN. 302 00:18:01,467 --> 00:18:03,501 ( doorbell rings ) 303 00:18:06,968 --> 00:18:08,834 MRS. "BOUQUET?" 304 00:18:10,701 --> 00:18:12,367 I'M FROM EXCEL ALARMS. 305 00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:14,200 DO COME IN. 306 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,501 AFTER YOU'VE REMOVED YOUR SHOES. 307 00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:21,567 UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO I ALLOW ALIEN SHOES 308 00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:24,667 ON MY HERRINGBONE WOODBLOCK OR MY GRADE ONE AXMINSTER. 309 00:18:26,434 --> 00:18:28,601 IT'S A HOUSE RULE. 310 00:18:28,601 --> 00:18:30,534 OF COURSE. 311 00:18:33,501 --> 00:18:35,167 SHE IS! 312 00:18:35,167 --> 00:18:38,133 SHE'S GETTING THE POOR DEVIL TO REMOVE HIS SHOES. 313 00:18:38,133 --> 00:18:40,234 LOOK! 314 00:18:40,234 --> 00:18:42,601 SHE'S BEING FAIR. 315 00:18:42,601 --> 00:18:44,934 SHE'S LETTING HIM SIT ON THE DOORSTEP. 316 00:18:44,934 --> 00:18:47,734 HOW THOUGHTFUL OF HER. 317 00:18:47,734 --> 00:18:49,601 SHE KNOWS HER MANNERS. 318 00:18:49,601 --> 00:18:51,901 HE COULD BE HOPPING ABOUT ON ONE LEG. 319 00:18:51,901 --> 00:18:54,434 I THINK IT'S A TRIUMPH FOR RICHARD. 320 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,701 YOU KNOW WHY ALL THIS HAS HAPPENED, DON'T YOU? 321 00:18:56,701 --> 00:18:59,367 AND YOU KNOW WHY THEY'RE GETTING THE SECURITY SYSTEM. 322 00:18:59,367 --> 00:19:02,634 BECAUSE RICHARD FORGOT THEIR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. 323 00:19:02,634 --> 00:19:05,234 HE ONLY CAME UP WITH THIS SCHEME AT THE LAST SECOND. 324 00:19:05,234 --> 00:19:06,968 AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW HE FORGOT? 325 00:19:06,968 --> 00:19:10,000 NO, AND HE'S GOT AWAY WITH IT. 326 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,934 - WELL, GOOD FOR RICHARD. - YES. 327 00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:17,167 I'VE NEVER SEEN THE POOR CHAP LOOK SO RELIEVED. 328 00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:18,701 I BET. 329 00:19:24,234 --> 00:19:27,234 I SHALL NEED EXTRA SECURITY FOR MY LOUNGE. 330 00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:30,868 IT HOUSES MY ROYAL DOULTON WITH THE HAND-PAINTED PERIWINKLES. 331 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,701 - EVERY ROOM WILL BE SECURE, MADAM. - GOOD. 332 00:19:36,734 --> 00:19:38,734 PASS. 333 00:19:42,801 --> 00:19:45,267 WHAT COLOR CHOICES DO YOU OFFER FOR THE BOX? 334 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,901 - THE BOX? - THE THING THAT GOES ON THE WALL. 335 00:19:47,901 --> 00:19:50,467 THE THING PEOPLE CAN SEE OUTSIDE. 336 00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:52,734 - OH, YOU MEAN THE ALARM ITSELF. - YES. 337 00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,434 IT'S BLUE. 338 00:19:54,434 --> 00:19:56,734 I DON'T WANT BLUE. 339 00:19:56,734 --> 00:19:58,400 WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE? 340 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,133 I'M AFRAID THAT'S WHAT WE USE, MADAM. 341 00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:03,100 IT'S BLUE. 342 00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:10,634 LOOK! 343 00:20:10,634 --> 00:20:12,634 - YOU'LL HAVE TO ALTER THAT. - WHAT? 344 00:20:12,634 --> 00:20:15,567 I HAVE MY MIND SET ON A DUSKY PINK. 345 00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:24,567 THERE WAS A STATELY HOME WE VISITED ONCE 346 00:20:24,567 --> 00:20:26,801 AND THEIRS WAS DUSKY PINK. 347 00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:35,634 YES, EVERYBODY ELSE WAS LOOKING AT THE REMBRANDTS. 348 00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,434 BUT I REMEMBER THINKING THEN, 349 00:20:37,434 --> 00:20:39,767 "YES, THAT'S VERY NICE." 350 00:20:39,767 --> 00:20:43,234 IF I EVER HAVE AN ALARM, I WANT IT TO BE DUSKY PINK. 351 00:20:43,234 --> 00:20:45,300 DUSKY PINK... 352 00:20:49,667 --> 00:20:51,701 WHAT KIND OF NOISE DO YOU MAKE? 353 00:20:53,367 --> 00:20:55,300 NOISE DO I MAKE? 354 00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:58,667 NO WORSE THAN YOUR AVERAGE HUMAN BEING. 355 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,834 NO, I MEAN THE ALARM. 356 00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:05,334 WHAT KIND OF NOISE DOES THE ALARM MAKE? 357 00:21:05,334 --> 00:21:08,133 - IT'S A SIREN, MADAM. - A SIREN? 358 00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:11,667 I HOPE IT'S LIKE THE QE2'S. 359 00:21:14,067 --> 00:21:16,000 WE'VE SAILED ON HER, YOU KNOW. 360 00:21:21,167 --> 00:21:23,133 THANK YOU VERY MUCH INDEED. 361 00:21:23,133 --> 00:21:25,167 AND I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU. 362 00:21:25,167 --> 00:21:27,534 - YES. - DON'T FORGET YOUR SHOES. 363 00:21:27,534 --> 00:21:29,567 NO. 364 00:21:32,734 --> 00:21:35,267 - SORRY. - I'M SORRY. BYE, AFTERNOON. 365 00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:43,267 ( motor starts ) 366 00:21:53,234 --> 00:21:55,000 WAS THAT A NOISE? 367 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,667 THE ONLY NOISE I CAN HEAR 368 00:21:57,667 --> 00:22:00,501 IS YOU SAYING "WAS THAT A NOISE?" 369 00:22:00,501 --> 00:22:03,667 - WE DO HAVE TO BE CAREFUL, RICHARD. - WHY? 370 00:22:03,667 --> 00:22:06,534 IT'S OUR LAST NIGHT WITHOUT AN ALARM. 371 00:22:07,968 --> 00:22:10,434 YOU WANT ME TO GO AND HAVE A LOOK ROUND? 372 00:22:10,434 --> 00:22:12,801 YES, DEAR. 373 00:22:12,801 --> 00:22:15,467 WITH PARTICULAR REFERENCE TO MY CAPO DI MONTE 374 00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:18,701 AND MY ROYAL DOULTON WITH THE HAND-PAINTED PERIWINKLES. 375 00:22:20,067 --> 00:22:22,033 I'D HATE IT IF WE'RE BURGLED TONIGHT. 376 00:22:22,033 --> 00:22:24,100 OUR LAST ALARMLESS NIGHT. 377 00:22:24,100 --> 00:22:26,534 ESPECIALLY BY THE LOWER CLASS TYPE OF BURGLAR 378 00:22:26,534 --> 00:22:28,234 WHO GOES TO NUMBER 23. 379 00:22:29,601 --> 00:22:32,267 ANYONE WHO GOES TO NUMBER 23 TWICE 380 00:22:32,267 --> 00:22:34,200 HAS TO BE LACKING IN TASTE. 381 00:22:35,934 --> 00:22:39,367 I CANNOT BEAR THE THOUGHT THAT SHERIDAN'S PEARL BUTTON COLLECTION 382 00:22:39,367 --> 00:22:41,467 MIGHT GO TO PEOPLE OF THAT CALIBER. 383 00:22:42,834 --> 00:22:46,667 IT'S FINE. THERE'S NO ONE ABOUT. 384 00:22:46,667 --> 00:22:48,834 GOOD. 385 00:22:51,534 --> 00:22:53,200 OW! 386 00:22:54,801 --> 00:22:56,367 WAS THAT A NOISE? 387 00:22:56,367 --> 00:22:59,968 YES, IT WAS ME STUBBING MY TOE IN THE DARK. 388 00:22:59,968 --> 00:23:03,267 OH. WELL THAT'S ALL RIGHT THEN. 389 00:23:20,133 --> 00:23:22,567 DUSKY PINK? 390 00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:24,801 THE QE2 SIREN? 391 00:23:26,033 --> 00:23:28,167 YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE THE TELEPHONE NUMBER 392 00:23:28,167 --> 00:23:31,100 OF THE STATELY HOME THAT ALSO HAS THE DUSKY PINK ALARM, DO YOU? 393 00:23:31,100 --> 00:23:34,167 I THOUGHT I MIGHT JUST GIVE THEM A CALL 394 00:23:34,167 --> 00:23:37,834 SINCE WE'VE BOTH CHOSEN TO BE ALARMED IN THE SAME WAY. 395 00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,534 NO, I'M AFRAID WE HAVEN'T, MADAM. 396 00:23:39,534 --> 00:23:42,501 NEVER MIND. I'LL TRY DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES. 397 00:23:42,501 --> 00:23:45,467 WELL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORK 398 00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:48,567 AND FOR NOT DAMAGING MY WALLS... 399 00:23:49,601 --> 00:23:51,133 TOO BADLY. 400 00:24:01,334 --> 00:24:03,767 OH, RICHARD. 401 00:24:03,767 --> 00:24:06,634 OUR OWN ALARM SYSTEM. 402 00:24:06,634 --> 00:24:10,601 WHAT A WONDERFUL ANNIVERSARY PRESENT. 403 00:24:10,601 --> 00:24:13,968 WHICH FOUR NUMBER CODE HAVE YOU CHOSEN 404 00:24:13,968 --> 00:24:16,234 TO STOP AND START THE SYSTEM? 405 00:24:16,234 --> 00:24:18,234 A ROMANTIC ONE. 406 00:24:18,234 --> 00:24:20,934 A ROMANTIC NUMBER? 407 00:24:20,934 --> 00:24:23,133 A ROMANTIC NUMBER 408 00:24:23,133 --> 00:24:25,467 THAT WE SHALL NEVER FORGET. 409 00:24:27,067 --> 00:24:29,868 AS YOU WERE KIND ENOUGH TO BUY IT FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY 410 00:24:29,868 --> 00:24:33,467 I THOUGHT I'D CHOOSE A NUMBER WE'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER. 411 00:24:33,467 --> 00:24:35,367 THE DATE OF OUR WEDDING. 412 00:24:37,067 --> 00:24:39,133 THE DAY, THE MONTH 413 00:24:39,133 --> 00:24:42,534 AND THE LAST TWO DIGITS OF THE YEAR. 414 00:24:42,534 --> 00:24:44,834 NOW ISN'T THAT ROMANTIC? 415 00:24:44,834 --> 00:24:47,868 WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY MEMORABLE. 416 00:24:49,300 --> 00:24:52,434 DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD HOLD AN ALARM WARMING PARTY? 417 00:24:54,667 --> 00:24:58,133 - IS THAT USUAL? - I DON'T THINK SO, NO. 418 00:24:58,133 --> 00:25:02,400 I THOUGHT I'D INVITE THOSE PEOPLE FROM THE STATELY HOME. 419 00:25:06,367 --> 00:25:09,234 OH WELL. PERHAPS ANOTHER TIME. 420 00:25:12,601 --> 00:25:14,901 I KNOW WHAT I COULD DO. 421 00:25:16,067 --> 00:25:18,334 I COULD TELEPHONE NUMBER 23 422 00:25:18,334 --> 00:25:21,400 AND TELL THEM IF THEY'RE BEING BURGLED AGAIN, 423 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:25,167 THEY CAN PHONE US AND WE'LL SOUND OUR ALARM. 424 00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:29,267 ( mimicking siren ) 425 00:25:40,467 --> 00:25:42,000 - READY? - YEAH. 426 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,033 OF YOU GO, YOU TWO. ENJOY YOUR EVENING. 427 00:25:45,033 --> 00:25:47,434 ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T MIND ME POPPING OUT FOR A DRINK? 428 00:25:47,434 --> 00:25:51,367 GOOD HEAVENS NO. WHY SHOULD I? 429 00:25:51,367 --> 00:25:54,100 I'M PERFECTLY SAFE HERE NOW I'M ALARMED. 430 00:25:56,100 --> 00:25:59,133 NO, OFF YOU GO. I'VE PLENTY TO DO. 431 00:25:59,133 --> 00:26:01,434 DRAWING UP MY GUEST LIST FOR MY SECURITY 432 00:26:01,434 --> 00:26:04,067 AND ALARM WARMING CANDLELIGHT SUPPER. 433 00:26:04,067 --> 00:26:06,567 COME ON, RICHARD. 434 00:26:13,234 --> 00:26:15,567 BYE! 435 00:26:15,567 --> 00:26:17,701 ( shrieks ) 436 00:26:23,434 --> 00:26:27,033 YOU WILL TREAD CAREFULLY AS YOU PASS MY HOUSE, WON'T YOU? 437 00:26:27,033 --> 00:26:29,467 I'VE RECENTLY INSTALLED A VERY SENSITIVE 438 00:26:29,467 --> 00:26:31,534 AND EXPENSIVE ALARM SYSTEM. 439 00:26:31,534 --> 00:26:35,067 I'D HATE YOU TO BE STARTLED IF IT SHOULD GO OFF. 440 00:26:35,067 --> 00:26:36,801 PASS. 441 00:26:44,634 --> 00:26:46,467 YES, THAT'S THE WAY. 442 00:26:46,467 --> 00:26:48,567 PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS. 443 00:26:50,868 --> 00:26:53,167 AND YOU GOT AWAY WITH IT. SHE STILL DOESN'T KNOW 444 00:26:53,167 --> 00:26:55,200 YOU FORGOT THE WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. 445 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,467 SHH! 446 00:26:57,467 --> 00:26:59,667 IT'S A TRIUMPH AGAINST ALL ODDS. 447 00:26:59,667 --> 00:27:01,901 I NEVER THOUGHT I'D MAKE IT. 448 00:27:01,901 --> 00:27:03,334 WELL DONE, RICHARD. 449 00:27:04,901 --> 00:27:07,801 I THINK THIS DESERVES ANOTHER ROUND. 450 00:27:11,133 --> 00:27:13,467 THANKS VERY MUCH, EMMET. 451 00:27:19,033 --> 00:27:21,000 ( alarm beeping ) 452 00:27:22,167 --> 00:27:24,167 WHAT'S THAT? 453 00:27:31,834 --> 00:27:35,067 UH, A NINE, TWO... 454 00:27:36,467 --> 00:27:38,501 OH MY GOD, WHAT WAS THE YEAR? 455 00:27:39,734 --> 00:27:41,667 WHAT YEAR DID WE GET MARRIED? 456 00:27:41,667 --> 00:27:43,701 I'VE ONLY GOT SECONDS TO THINK. 457 00:27:43,701 --> 00:27:45,467 SHE'LL KILL ME! 458 00:27:45,467 --> 00:27:47,501 SHE WILL KILL ME! 459 00:27:47,501 --> 00:27:49,567 IT WAS '62. 460 00:27:49,567 --> 00:27:52,234 IT WAS '62. 461 00:27:52,234 --> 00:27:53,767 ( beeping stops ) 462 00:27:53,767 --> 00:27:57,167 OH MY GOD. THAT WAS CLOSE. 463 00:27:57,167 --> 00:27:59,367 THAT WAS CLOSE. 464 00:27:59,367 --> 00:28:01,601 ( sirens blaring ) 465 00:28:03,300 --> 00:28:06,834 IT WASN'T '62! 466 00:28:09,033 --> 00:28:11,367 RICHARD BOUQUET! 467 00:28:11,367 --> 00:28:15,267 YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THE DATE OF OUR WEDDING. 468 00:28:15,267 --> 00:28:17,400 NO! NO I DIDN'T! 469 00:28:20,667 --> 00:28:23,100 ( theme music playing ) 33164

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