Original subtitles

Since I'm having a bath,

you might assume it's the first Sunday of the month.

Nah, not this time, it's not.

Today is a special occasion.

Stanisław's new fiancée and her parents will be visiting us today.

It's a fairly significant event for us, as Stanisław is our eldest son

who will, eventually, inherit our entire estate.

We'll marry Aniela off to a magnate's son

and Jakub, our second son, will receive nothing.

Unfortunately, Stanisław's bride-to-be comes from a merchant family

from the city of Wilanow.

I'm really trying to curb my assumptions, but... people from the city?

Courtesans and criminals everywhere and inescapable moral decay.

It's pretty embarrassing.

You'll see, Dad.

Jadwinia is awesome.

Harder.

So how do I look?

I would like to see the other option.

Well, there is no other option. The Turkish bazaar has decided.

Let's show those city folks what country style is.

Dad, please. It's creepy.

Hey, isn't that your funeral dress, Mother?

It's not just for funerals. It's also for lamentable engagements.

They're here!

Morning.

Welcome to Adamczycha...

...the biggest little village in Poland.

Thank you, dear ones. I'm Rozalia.

And you, Ma'am, must be Zofia. May we call each other by our first names?

No.

I'm pleased to meet you. I'm Aniela.

Ciesław Ryczyński.

A visit from a famous merchant,

who is a globetrotter and an experienced peddler.

This will be a wonderful opportunity to learn.

- This your first country visit? - No. Not at all.

Oh yeah?

So have you ever seen a cow?

I could teach a merchant all sorts of things.

Strategic thinking, calculation tactics,

and the art of negotiation.

A cow. Ever seen one?

- A cow? - That's right.

- Well, yes, I have. - Ah.

So how does a cow go?

- I beg your pardon? - Baa?

No...

I believe a cow goes...

moo?

Moo.

I was just testing you.

People love to pretend they are from the country.

Stanisław! Your greeting has gone on long enough.

Ever since I turned 14,

all I've been able to think about is marriage.

NOTES

Oh wow.

Look at this!

- Check out her veil! - Oh, yeah.

Wait, check this out.

Oh, man!

Boys? What are you doing?

Nothing.

Uh, Jan Paweł, Listen.

I know we gathered here for a completely different reason,

but it wouldn't be like me not to touch on my profession with you a little.

I'd like to make you a business proposition.

I've been in contact with a merchant from the Netherlands.

His business is thriving and he needs large quantities of rye, and so...

Ciesław, I have a question. Why do you have a saber?

Oh, you mean this?

Uh, I guess... I don't know. Uh, I guess it's in vogue now.

Vogue, huh?

I keep on telling him,

"Ciesław, I'll just give you a fork since you already have a knife."

Mm.

A saber is the accessory of a nobleman, of a warrior.

We use it to defend the Commonwealth.

Well, in the city, we treat it more like a...

a fashion accessory.

It's cultural appropriation.

How would you feel if I walked in here with...

What kinds of things are cities known for?

- Excrement in the streets. - Well, there you go.

How would you feel if I walked in here holding your excrement in my hand?

Dad, are you sure you know what excrement is?

Ugh. That Ciesław is a complete and utter buffoon.

"Oh-ho-ho. I've been to the Netherlands." "Oh-ho-ho. I speak French."

"Oh-ho-ho. I wash my hands after I pee."

How about we give you a little tour of the estate?

Ladies and gentlemen separately.

- Are we going to drown an effigy? - What else?

I dunno. I just thought we would be drowning a real Marzanna.

St. George, our patron saint of spring, needs to know we're taking him seriously.

But this... this effigy is so makeshift.

Well, yeah, but if we drown the real Marzanna,

St. George might get used to a certain level of service.

Mm-hm.

And we'll also run out of Real Marzannas for the drowning next year.

And how do you know that? Maybe Arleta will name her baby Marzanna?

I definitely vote for the effigy.

Yes but you're not impartial, Marzanna.

Tonight, there's a dance to celebrate spring,

and the whole village will be there. And who knows?

Maybe some noblewom... uh, noblemen will come?

Who are you bringing to the dance?

No one.

Well, um, maybe someone cool will come from another village and we can hang out.

- Hold it. - Right.

Hey, can you help me over here?

I suppose that girls don't get bored in Wilanow?

What do you mean?

Theaters, fairs, concerts.

- You can just enjoy all of it. - Yeah.

But I'm more into boys.

And fast horses.

Uh, wanna do some shots?

Mm-hmm.

Lady Zofia,

I think we got off on the wrong foot.

Why don't you tell me about yourself?

What do you do in your spare time?

I often think

about Beelzebub whipping us for our sins in hell.

That sounds intriguing.

What's that pleasant violet-like smell?

Oh, it must be me.

I often hear that I smell of spring.

It looks like it's stopped snowing. Come, girls! We're leaving!

No, we're gonna stay here.

What a lovely tea set.

Thanks.

But I'm not going to give it to you.

Ah, that Rozalia...

It's been a long time since someone upset me so much.

I imagine you've already seen a snowfall?

Jan Paweł, can we get back to the merchant from the Netherlands for a second?

- Europe is changing quickly these days. - On the contrary.

- What do you mean? - We're nearing the end of history.

- End of history? - Of course.

We humans have achieved the pinnacle of development and nothing more awaits us.

What more could there be?

- Perpetual development. - Here's the watering hole for the horses.

- ...leads to progress... - Two barns here.

- ...for us to reform our economy... - Dad. Dad!

...and improve our living conditions.

We've gotta keep up with this changing world, my dears.

Remember. Perpetual development.

My neighbor Andrzej.

- And the owner of... - Half of Adamczycha.

- Right. The bigger half. - Doesn't matter.

- Ciesław Ryczyński. - Andrzej Pobreża. Pleased to meet you.

- That's a stylish zhupan! Yeah. - This? Ah, it's just an old one.

Well, it's still nice.

Andrzej, we would love to chat, but... Just not with you.

Uh, is that your carriage in Jan Paweł's yard?

That's mine. I brought it here myself from the Netherlands.

- Ciesław, you've been to the Netherlands? - Sure. The Netherlands, France...

- The perks of being a merchant. - Well, we do some traveling too.

Yes. In fact, just last month,

we attended the annual town hanging of escaped Mazovian serfs.

- What was it called? - The Goraszka Air Show.

- Yes. That's the one. - Mm.

JEW'S

So what's next?

Supper?

Sure.

Uh, got any smokes?

Oh. Wow.

- Aniela! - Oh.

- Hey. - Maciej.

Um, this is Jadwiga,

my brother's fiancée.

Wow. I didn't know your brother was getting married.

It would seem that he's found his soulmate.

He came on a fast horse.

Uh, listen,

I'm just curious...

Will you be going to the dance tonight?

I'm sure it'll be dull. Hopelessly boring and dull.

Shall we?

It might also be fun.

Unfortunately, we've got guests.

Hey, I really like your shirt.

Have a nice evening.

Jadwiga hit the jackpot. A nobleman and a talented musician.

Yes. I play a little bit myself.

So, I appreciate it even more.

"I play a little bit."

Mr. Ciesław is a virtuoso on the mandolin!

Aw, come on. A virtuoso?

Not at all.

Mr. Ciesław, why don't you play something?

No, I couldn't possibly.

- I'm not that skilled. No, I couldn't. - Come on. Please!

Come on, honey.

- Ciesław! - Ciesław! Ciesław! Ciesław!

No, no, no, no, no.

Well, all right. But I'll just play something simple.

Oh, wow. You're very talented.

Bravo, Ciesław!

Ciesław! Ciesław!

Ciesław!

Dad, what are you doing?

I wanted to show you some of my moves.

I guess you didn't know that your old man is such a good dancer!

- I like the way you think, Jan Paweł. - See, Stanisław?

Your dad's still got game.

Bravo!

In French too!

I don't think that was French.

Jakub?

Ah. I've never seen your room.

Listen, Brother.

First of all, I'm really sorry

for all the pranks I pulled on you when we were kids.

But I've already apologized for that, right?

No, this is the very first time we've spoken in ten years.

My relationship with my brother can be summarized in two words,

Cain and Abel.

Lorem ipsum dolor si deli.

Consectetur, ad...

Booyah.

Stanisław, stop it!

- What do you say, bro? Will you marry us? - Of course I will, Stanisław.

You're my brother, after all. You'll get the family rate.

Okay, great. So in ten minutes by the outhouse?

What?

I want to become a married man as soon as possible.

Uh... sure, but we have to prepare first.

We've got to make a guest list,

And we should wait until summer. Maybe June?

Because the estate won't smell like fertilizer.

- August would be lovely as well. - Or we could just do the outhouse?

I like the smell of fertilizer.

Come, my dears! We're ready to eat!

- Ah. You know... - Yes?

We simply had the best time at the premiere of Tartuffe.

Hm, Tartuffe?

A new play by Molière. Oh, it's quite brilliant and subversive.

And it reminded me of La Fontaine's newest fable,

in which a fox approaches a tree and then looks up and says to a...

What rubbish.

- Rubbish? - A talking fox?

Do you hear what you're saying, Ciesław?

I'm not sure I understand.

What's the problem?

Foxes don't talk,

and you don't need to go all the way to France to know that.

- But, I mean, it's a fable. - Dad, let him finish the story.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- So... - So, Ciesław, who's the fox talking to?

To a crow.

A crow, you say?

A fox talking to a crow? For fuck's sake!

So we're assuming that a fox, by some miracle, has learned to talk.

That some peasant took him in and taught him a bunch of basic phrases.

"Yes, yes." "No, no."

But what are the chances

of a talking fox running into a crow

who can also talk?

I assume they speak the same language too? How many languages are there in the world?

About seven.

- Nine, maybe. - There!

Ciesław, you are a liar! A fox that can talk is a lie.

Europe being on the brink of change is also a lie.

And that saber at your hip is the biggest lie of all!

- Jesus Christ! - Dad, stop!

A saber isn't in "vogue!" It's practically an extension of my arm!

I was born more noble than you were...

And you simply can't stand it, Ciesław!

Dad, you've never used that saber in your entire life! So, stop it!

This weapon runs in my blood.

And I'm gonna prove it to you. You there. Bring those apples over here.

The very first day of spring.

Oh, how I hate this day.

Dad, we get it. You're a master fencer. We believe you.

It's okay, maid. Don't worry. This is 100% safe.

Jan Paweł, just your willingness to do this is enough...

Jesus, Dad!

Stop screaming, or I'll miss!

You swung right at the height of her neck!

That was a test. Just a test.

I think he can fail at least twice. Maids are a dime a dozen.

I'll get it on the first try. I'm a Sarmatian.

Ready! Fire!

Ooh!

Where's my finger?

Oh!

My zhupan!

Dad, you cut off her finger!

No. I don't think I did!

Oh, come on! Look at her!

All right, give me the tablecloth to stop the bleeding!

You psycho! You cut off my mother's finger!

I most certainly did not. It fell off on its own!

Look for it! Maybe we can stitch it back on!

Rozalia.

I think you may have leprosy.

Well, because of you, Jadwiga broke off the engagement.

- Hm. - Because of me?

Dad! You cut off her mother's finger!

Eh, sure, but it was just her ring finger. It's the least useful finger of all.

Don't overreact, Stanisław. That marriage wasn't meant to be anyway.

It was a misalliance with a city girl.

What were you thinking trying to choose a bride on your own?

Jesus, Mom! Your attitude is positively prehistoric.

Everyone should follow their heart.

That's exactly it! And my heart is throbbing so hard.

If I don't get married, I don't know what I'll do.

Everyone should follow their heart? Really?

Do you think I followed my heart when I married your father? That's absurd.

You think it's... absurd?

Yes.

All right. Enough of this tomfoolery.

We'll find you somebody else,

and Aniela will marry a magnate's son.

That's the end of it!

I would rather die first!

Me too!

We love you, and we still know what's best for you!

Marrying a city girl.

You might as well marry some kind of wild creature!

Right!

No offense.

All of my buddies have been married for a long time now.

And they laugh at me.

Staszek the bachelor. Staszek the bachelor.

I've gotten really close a few times before,

but then my dad always shows up, and cuts off somebody's finger!

So is what they say about the blacksmith's helpers true?

- That they're the most boring guys. - What're you doing here?

What I love the most. Pissing off my parents.

So is what they say about noblewomen true, then?

- Ah! - That they're crazier than all of us?

They're playing my song now!

Come on!

Whoo!

Today was an excellent lesson for all my children.

You can study your whole life, travel the world, read books in French...

But in the end, all that really matters is your station at birth.

And that's the real cautionary tale.

Not some stupid talking fox and crow.

As for the finger,

it was never found.

Love is patient,

Love is kind.

Love is...

unacceptable.

Subtitle translation by Maja Konkolewska.