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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,601 --> 00:00:07,801 ( theme song playing ) 2 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,567 ( whistling ) 3 00:00:39,434 --> 00:00:41,100 OH! 4 00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:44,000 COME ON, MICHAEL! YOU'RE GETTING A THING ABOUT THIS. 5 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,133 JUST GET IN AND OUT AND AWAY BEFORE SHE EVEN KNOWS WE'RE THERE. 6 00:00:47,133 --> 00:00:49,501 COME ON. 7 00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:51,868 ( blows ) 8 00:01:11,868 --> 00:01:13,868 AHHH, 9 00:01:13,868 --> 00:01:15,901 I THOUGHT I HEARD THE POSTMAN. 10 00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:17,901 HOW? 11 00:01:17,901 --> 00:01:19,868 I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW. 12 00:01:19,868 --> 00:01:22,100 ARE YOU MY REGULAR POSTMAN, 13 00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:24,701 THE ONE WITH THE TWITCH? 14 00:01:24,701 --> 00:01:27,334 I NEVER USED TO HAVE A TWITCH. 15 00:01:27,334 --> 00:01:29,834 YOU ALL LOOK ALIKE FROM BEHIND. 16 00:01:29,834 --> 00:01:32,534 I SUPPOSE IT'S THE SORTING OFFICE THAT DOES IT. 17 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,834 OH, YES, I RECOGNIZE THE HAUNTED LOOK. 18 00:01:38,734 --> 00:01:40,701 ARE YOU HAVING PERSONAL DIFFICULTIES? 19 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,701 YOUR MARRIAGE NOT WORKING? 20 00:01:43,701 --> 00:01:46,334 HAVE YOU TRIED SINGING TOGETHER? 21 00:01:46,334 --> 00:01:48,434 NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE SING TOGETHER. 22 00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:52,567 SURPRISE HER TONIGHT WITH A LITTLE IVAR NOVELLO. 23 00:01:55,434 --> 00:01:58,234 DEAR ME, IS THAT THE TIME? 24 00:02:00,701 --> 00:02:04,000 DID YOU REMIND YOUR SUPERIORS THAT FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS 25 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,868 ALL MY MAIL SHOULD BE REDIRECTED TO THE QE II. 26 00:02:06,868 --> 00:02:10,033 THE QE II? I DON'T THINK WE-- 27 00:02:10,033 --> 00:02:12,067 THEY HAVE BEEN INFORMED IN WRITING, 28 00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:14,734 BUT I'D BE PLEASED IF YOU'D GIVE THEM A LITTLE REMINDER. 29 00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:18,701 - BUT WE REALLY CAN'T-- - THE QE II, MY HUSBAND AND I, 30 00:02:18,701 --> 00:02:20,767 A LITTLE CRUISE. 31 00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:24,400 RIGHT, MRS. BUCKET-- "BOUQUET." 32 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,968 AH, MORNING POST. 33 00:02:32,601 --> 00:02:36,067 YOU WILL REMEMBER THE NAME OF THE SHIP WE'RE CRUISING ON, 34 00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:38,234 IN AN OUTER CABIN WITH FULL FACILITIES 35 00:02:38,234 --> 00:02:40,267 AND PANORAMIC VIEWS? 36 00:02:40,267 --> 00:02:43,634 THE QE II! 37 00:02:43,634 --> 00:02:47,400 NOT SO LOUD! GOOD HEAVENS, 38 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,868 PEOPLE WILL THINK I'M TRYING TO BROADCAST IT. 39 00:02:55,767 --> 00:02:57,834 ( groaning ) 40 00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:09,200 OH, I'VE HAD A TERRIBLE NIGHT. 41 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,634 I KNOW, I WAS THERE. 42 00:03:13,534 --> 00:03:16,200 I BLAME THEM CRISPS-- 43 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,801 EGGROLL AND DUMPLING FLAVOR. 44 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,868 IT'S NOT NATURAL. 45 00:03:22,868 --> 00:03:25,200 IT WAS ALL THEY HAD! 46 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,934 I WAS DREAMING ABOUT BLACK HOLES. 47 00:03:27,934 --> 00:03:31,534 YOU LOOK UP AT THE SKY AND YOU THINK, "THAT'S NICE." 48 00:03:31,534 --> 00:03:34,701 LITTLE DO YOU REALIZE, IT'S FULL OF BLACK HOLES! 49 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,334 THEY CAN SUCK YOU IN! 50 00:03:38,334 --> 00:03:40,467 COMPRESS ALL YOUR MATTER! 51 00:03:40,467 --> 00:03:43,200 IT COULD DO WITH A BIT. 52 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,000 OH, NICE. 53 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,334 IF IT'S GOING TO UPSET YOU, 54 00:03:48,334 --> 00:03:51,334 YOU HAVE TO STOP WATCHING "OPEN UNIVERSITY." 55 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,300 I THINK FATHER'S DEAD. 56 00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:59,868 NO, HE ISN'T. HE JUST GOES LIKE THAT. 57 00:03:59,868 --> 00:04:02,167 OH GREAT, I'M AWAKE ALL NIGHT, 58 00:04:02,167 --> 00:04:04,667 AND YOUR FATHER SLEEPS LIKE HE'S DEAD. 59 00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:06,901 I WOULD'VE LIKED A SECOND OPINION. 60 00:04:06,901 --> 00:04:09,567 SOMEBODY OUGHT TO COME AND SEE IF HE'S DEAD. 61 00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:12,300 HE'S NOT USUALLY DEAD. 62 00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,634 ISN'T ANYBODY COMING? 63 00:04:16,934 --> 00:04:20,067 DON'T LOOK AT ME! HE'S YOUR FATHER. 64 00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:22,100 BESIDES, SOMEBODY HAS TO THINK OF 65 00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:24,634 THE PHILOSOPHICAL IMPLICATIONS OF A UNIVERSE 66 00:04:24,634 --> 00:04:26,100 FULL OF BLACK HOLES! 67 00:04:28,534 --> 00:04:31,167 WELL, WHY CAN'T I SPEAK WITH YOUR EDITOR? 68 00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:36,000 I SUPPOSE HE'S TOO BUSY WITH SEX AND VIOLENCE. 69 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:40,033 LOOK, I HAVE AN INTERESTING NEWS ITEM FOR HIM. 70 00:04:41,234 --> 00:04:43,834 NEWS OR FEATURES? WELL... 71 00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:46,167 I SUPPOSE IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH, REALLY. 72 00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:49,601 YES, I EXPECT THE HEADLINE TO READ SOMETHING LIKE, 73 00:04:49,601 --> 00:04:53,868 "LOCAL CELEBRITY ON QE II CRUISE." 74 00:04:55,634 --> 00:04:58,601 IF YOU SAY IT'S FEATURES, I SUPPOSE IT'S FEATURES. 75 00:04:58,601 --> 00:05:00,667 PERSONALLY, I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT 76 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,267 THERE WAS A LITTLE NEWS VALUE THERE AS WELL. 77 00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:06,067 THOUGH I REALIZE IT'S NOT QUITE AS EARTH SHATTERING 78 00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:08,534 AS IF ONE WERE BEING LAUNCHED INTO OUTER SPACE. 79 00:05:08,534 --> 00:05:11,801 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WHAT LOCAL CELEBRITY?" 80 00:05:11,801 --> 00:05:13,901 MYSELF, OF COURSE. 81 00:05:13,901 --> 00:05:17,334 IF YOU CARE TO MAKE INQUIRIES, 82 00:05:17,334 --> 00:05:19,734 YOU'LL FIND THAT I AM FAMOUS LOCALLY 83 00:05:19,734 --> 00:05:21,734 FOR MY CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS. 84 00:05:21,734 --> 00:05:25,701 I HAVE A SON AT UNIVERSITY WITH A BRILLIANT FUTURE, 85 00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:29,000 AND MY PROGRAM OF SONG HIGHLIGHTS FROM "ROSE MARIE" 86 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,267 NEVER FAILS TO BRING THE OVER-60s TO THEIR FEET. 87 00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:35,767 SO HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU WANT? 88 00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:38,367 IF I WERE THE VICTIM OF GROSS INDECENCY, 89 00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:41,434 YOU'D HAVE BEEN ROUND HERE QUICKER THAN A SPLIT INFINITIVE. 90 00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,834 ILLITERATE HACK. 91 00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:49,467 IT'S ALL RIGHT! 92 00:05:49,467 --> 00:05:51,834 FATHER'S NOT DEAD! 93 00:05:51,834 --> 00:05:54,200 I TOLD YOU HE WASN'T DEAD. 94 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,968 I KNOW ABOUT DEAD. 95 00:05:56,968 --> 00:06:00,000 WHEN YOU LIVE WITH ONSLOW, YOU GET A VERY GOOD FEEL OF DEAD. 96 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,033 OH, NICE. 97 00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,634 ANYWAY, WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE HE ISN'T DEAD? 98 00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:10,467 BECAUSE HE'S BEEN ASKING FOR BACON, EGGS, SAUSAGE 99 00:06:10,467 --> 00:06:12,033 AND FRIED BREAD. 100 00:06:12,033 --> 00:06:13,834 COULD BE HE'S BLUFFING. 101 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:19,267 THAT'S WHAT WE HAD FOR BREAKFAST 102 00:06:19,267 --> 00:06:21,634 ON OUR HONEYMOON. 103 00:06:22,634 --> 00:06:25,567 THAT'S WHAT YOU HAD. I NEEDED A LIE-IN. 104 00:06:27,601 --> 00:06:30,000 IT'S TIME YOU TWO WERE UP. 105 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,634 YOU PROMISED TO GO AND DO BRUCE'S DRAINS. 106 00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:35,234 I DIDN'T MEAN AT THE CRACK OF DAWN. 107 00:06:35,234 --> 00:06:39,868 DRAINS ARE SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO COME UP ON GRADUALLY. 108 00:06:39,868 --> 00:06:43,634 HE HAS THE SAME ATTITUDE THESE DAYS TO HIS LOVE LIFE. 109 00:06:43,634 --> 00:06:47,667 DON'T YOU, MY DARLING? ( giggling ) 110 00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:51,734 LISTEN, I CAN'T STAY HERE PLAYING ABOUT, I'VE GOT TO SEE TO BRUCE'S DRAINS. 111 00:06:53,901 --> 00:06:56,934 THAT'S WHEN YOU REALLY KNOW YOU'RE MARRIED-- 112 00:06:56,934 --> 00:07:01,033 WHEN YOU START COMING IN SECOND TO DRAINS. 113 00:07:07,968 --> 00:07:11,033 NOW, RICHARD, I WANT YOU TO MAKE SURE 114 00:07:11,033 --> 00:07:13,968 THAT ALL THE PORTERS TAKE PARTICULAR CARE 115 00:07:13,968 --> 00:07:16,167 OF MY SET OF MATCHING EXECUTIVE LUGGAGE 116 00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:19,234 WITH THE GENUINE LEATHER EMBELLISHMENTS AND INITIALS. 117 00:07:19,234 --> 00:07:22,901 DO WE REALLY NEED ALL THESE SUITCASES? 118 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:26,434 I WILL NOT BE OUTDRESSED BY THE OTHER PASSENGERS. 119 00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:28,868 NO, PEOPLE ON THESE LUXURY LINERS 120 00:07:28,868 --> 00:07:31,200 DO NOT SKIMP ON LUGGAGE. 121 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,467 WE'RE IN NO DANGER OF A SKIMP. 122 00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:34,968 OH, RICHARD, 123 00:07:34,968 --> 00:07:39,434 IT'S BEEN MY DREAM TO CRUISE ON A WONDERFUL SHIP. 124 00:07:39,434 --> 00:07:42,434 DO YOU REMEMBER THOSE NEWSREELS OF THE HOLLYWOOD STARS 125 00:07:42,434 --> 00:07:44,267 ARRIVING AT SOUTHAMPTON 126 00:07:44,267 --> 00:07:47,601 IN FURS AND MOUNTAINS OF LUGGAGE? 127 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:50,167 - OH, I'LL ANSWER THAT. 128 00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:52,834 IT MAY BE THE CAPTAIN WANTING TO WELCOME US ABOARD. 129 00:07:54,968 --> 00:07:56,734 DO THEY DO THAT? 130 00:07:56,734 --> 00:07:59,968 NOT TO EVERYONE, DEAR. HE HASN'T THE TIME. 131 00:08:02,934 --> 00:08:06,934 THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING. 132 00:08:06,934 --> 00:08:09,434 SHERIDAN! 133 00:08:09,434 --> 00:08:14,667 WHAT A LOVELY SURPRISE, DEAR. 134 00:08:14,667 --> 00:08:17,200 I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE THE CAPTAIN OF THE QE II. 135 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,734 WE'RE GOING TO NEED ALL OUR SPARE CASH. 136 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:24,334 I WANTED TO SPEAK TO YOU, SHERIDAN, DEAR, 137 00:08:24,334 --> 00:08:27,167 BEFORE WE DEPART, IN CASE MOMMY SINKS. 138 00:08:29,567 --> 00:08:34,267 I WANT YOU TO BE VERY STERN WITH THE AIR-SEA RESCUE PEOPLE. 139 00:08:34,267 --> 00:08:37,234 YES, MAKE IT CLEAR TO THEM, DEAR, 140 00:08:37,234 --> 00:08:40,834 WHAT A LOSS I WOULD BE TO THE CULTURAL LIFE OF THE COMMUNITY. 141 00:08:40,834 --> 00:08:44,334 AND TELL THEM THAT IF I'M CAST ADRIFT AT NIGHT, 142 00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:48,901 I SHALL BE WEARING MY HAT WITH THE ANTIQUE DIAMANTE CLUSTER, 143 00:08:48,901 --> 00:08:52,400 SO I SHALL SPARKLE QUITE BRILLIANTLY 144 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,501 IN THEIR SEARCHLIGHTS. 145 00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:58,834 YES. BUT IF I HAVE TO BE WINCHED UP BY HELICOPTER, 146 00:08:58,834 --> 00:09:01,033 PLEASE, WOULD THEY PROVIDE TROUSERS? 147 00:09:04,934 --> 00:09:07,300 DO YOU THINK SHE'S REALLY SAFE? 148 00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:08,601 WHO? 149 00:09:08,601 --> 00:09:10,934 THE QE II. 150 00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:14,467 OF COURSE SHE'S SAFE. 151 00:09:14,467 --> 00:09:18,133 I SHOULD THINK SHE'S PROBABLY ONE OF THE SAFEST VESSELS AFLOAT. 152 00:09:18,133 --> 00:09:21,133 ( sadly ) YES, I SUPPOSE SO. 153 00:09:22,334 --> 00:09:26,000 BOUND TO BE, REALLY. 154 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:30,100 EMMET, YOU'RE NOT SERIOUSLY CONTEMPLATING HER SINKING?! 155 00:09:33,701 --> 00:09:35,634 NO, NO, NO, NO. 156 00:09:35,634 --> 00:09:38,100 REALLYSINKING. 157 00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:42,467 MAYBE THE ODD... FEMALE PASSENGER LOST OVERBOARD? 158 00:09:42,467 --> 00:09:46,267 - EMMET! - I MEAN WITH A LIFEJACKET AND EVERYTHING. 159 00:09:46,267 --> 00:09:48,934 AND AN UNINHABITED ISLAND WAITING FOR HER. 160 00:09:48,934 --> 00:09:52,767 OF COURSE I'D HOPE THAT SHE'D BE PICKED UP SAFELY... 161 00:09:54,133 --> 00:09:56,601 BUT IN ABOUT 20 YEARS TIME. 162 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:04,334 I WISH I COULD AFFORD A NEW CAR. 163 00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:07,667 I WISH WE COULD AFFORD THIS ONE. 164 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:13,167 WE SHOULD HAVE TOLD OUR HYACINTH WE WERE GOING. 165 00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:15,567 I THOUGHT WE DECIDED WE WOULDN'T? 166 00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:18,334 YOU DECIDED WE WOULDN'T. 167 00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:21,701 I'M THE BREADWINNER. I HAVE TO MAKE THESE EXECUTIVE DECISIONS. 168 00:10:22,801 --> 00:10:24,567 SHE'S FAMILY. 169 00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:27,601 YOU CAN'T JUST PRETEND SHE'S NOT THERE. 170 00:10:27,601 --> 00:10:30,300 I ALWAYS THINK IT'S WORTH A TRY. 171 00:10:32,434 --> 00:10:34,767 ANYWAY, SHE CAN'T COMPLAIN. 172 00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:37,167 WE'VE LEFT FATHER IN GOOD HANDS. 173 00:10:37,167 --> 00:10:39,133 YOU THINK SHE'LL REALLY THINK 174 00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:42,400 OUR ROSE QUALIFIES AS "GOOD HANDS"? 175 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,367 ALL RIGHT. WE'VE LEFT YOUR FATHER IN GOOD LEGS. ( chuckles ) 176 00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:49,400 ONSLOW... 177 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:54,067 DO YOU THINK THIS LITTLE HOLIDAY WILL BRING US CLOSER TOGETHER? 178 00:10:57,434 --> 00:10:59,267 HOW CLOSE DO YOU WANT TO GET? 179 00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:01,434 WHEN I DID BRUCE'S DRAINS YESTERDAY, 180 00:11:01,434 --> 00:11:04,133 I LET YOU HELP ME WITH THE RUGS, DIDN'T I? 181 00:11:04,133 --> 00:11:07,634 WHEN I SAID WE OUGHT TO DO THINGS TOGETHER MORE, 182 00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:10,300 I DIDN'T MEAN DRAINS. 183 00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,667 DAISY, WE'VE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES, 184 00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:14,834 BUT WHEN YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT, 185 00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:18,234 THERE ISN'T ANYONE I'D RATHER HAVE HELPING ME WITH THE DRAINS. 186 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,334 THAT'S SWEET. 187 00:11:21,334 --> 00:11:23,734 I THINK THAT'S REALLY SWEET. 188 00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:28,067 YOU ALWAYS WERE A SMOOTH TALKER WHEN YOU WANTED TO BE. 189 00:11:38,334 --> 00:11:40,234 TRAVELING LIGHT, RICHARD? 190 00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:43,334 I TOLD HER IT'S TOO MUCH. 191 00:11:43,334 --> 00:11:46,167 DAMN GOOD JOB YOU'RE NOT GOING BY AIR. 192 00:11:46,167 --> 00:11:48,267 BY AIR?! 193 00:11:48,267 --> 00:11:50,834 I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER IF THE SHIP'S BIG ENOUGH. 194 00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:55,400 I DO HOPE YOU HAVE A SPLENDID TIME, RICHARD. 195 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,167 THANKS, LIZ. 196 00:11:57,167 --> 00:12:00,734 - READY FOR THE OFF? - SHE'S ALMOST READY. 197 00:12:00,734 --> 00:12:02,868 SHE'S TAKING ENDLESS TROUBLE. 198 00:12:02,868 --> 00:12:05,634 SHE REMEMBERS THE NEWSREELS OF HOW PEOPLE USED TO DRESS 199 00:12:05,634 --> 00:12:07,300 FOR LUXURY LINERS. 200 00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:16,200 OH, HYACINTH! 201 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,234 YOU LOOK LIKE... 202 00:12:18,234 --> 00:12:19,667 A FILM STAR. 203 00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:22,601 OH, THANK YOU, DEAR. 204 00:12:22,601 --> 00:12:24,901 IT'S PROBABLY JUST A COINCIDENCE. 205 00:12:28,334 --> 00:12:30,701 GOODBYE, MY DEAR FRIENDS. 206 00:12:31,734 --> 00:12:33,634 EMMET, BE BRAVE. 207 00:12:33,634 --> 00:12:34,667 I SHALL RETURN. 208 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,601 POOR DEAR. I DO FLUSTER HIM SO. 209 00:12:40,601 --> 00:12:43,968 I BELIEVE I DISTURB HIM VERY POWERFULLY. 210 00:12:54,467 --> 00:12:57,334 OOOH, I'M IN HOLIDAY MOOD ALREADY, RICHARD. 211 00:12:57,334 --> 00:12:59,701 WE'RE GOING TO ENJOY A FEW DAYS 212 00:12:59,701 --> 00:13:02,534 OF HIGH-CLASS LUXURY AT SEA. 213 00:13:02,534 --> 00:13:06,567 OUR FELLOW PASSENGERS HAND-PICKED FROM "DEBRETT," 214 00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:10,234 A LEISURELY DRIVE TO SOUTHAMPTON, 215 00:13:10,234 --> 00:13:12,634 AND THEN WE'LL BE PIPED ABOARD. 216 00:13:12,634 --> 00:13:15,601 I WOULDN'T BANK ON THE PIPING BIT. 217 00:13:15,601 --> 00:13:17,100 HMM? 218 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,901 PERHAPS NOT, DEAR. 219 00:13:18,901 --> 00:13:21,901 THEY'LL PROBABLY BE TOO BUSY BEDECKING OUR CABIN. 220 00:13:23,501 --> 00:13:26,767 AH, THE JOYS OF THE OPEN ROAD. 221 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,434 ( jackhammer pounding ) 222 00:13:31,868 --> 00:13:34,267 ( car honking ) 223 00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:36,400 WHAT'S GOING ON? 224 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,367 IT'S SOMETHING CALLED A TRAFFIC JAM. 225 00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:42,100 THERE'S NO NEED TO TAKE THAT TONE, RICHARD. 226 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:45,067 AFTER ALL, WE ARE ON HOLIDAY! 227 00:13:45,067 --> 00:13:47,167 I'M SORRY. 228 00:13:47,167 --> 00:13:49,067 IT'S ALL RIGHT, DEAR. 229 00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:51,634 IT'S PROBABLY ROADWORKS. 230 00:13:51,634 --> 00:13:53,701 ON A SATURDAY?! 231 00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:57,234 WELL, I SUPPOSE SOME PEOPLE WORK AT THE WEEKEND. 232 00:13:57,234 --> 00:14:00,133 BY THE WAY, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU-- 233 00:14:00,133 --> 00:14:03,000 WE'VE NOTHING ELSE TO DO AT THE MOMENT, RICHARD, 234 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,133 I AM A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE, SO ASK ME ANYTHING YOU LIKE. 235 00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:08,834 DO YOU THINK YOUR FATHER'S 236 00:14:08,834 --> 00:14:10,968 STARTING TO LURK IN THE BUSHES AGAIN? 237 00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:15,834 OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 238 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,601 LOOK, TAKE THAT NEXT TURNING. 239 00:14:21,601 --> 00:14:24,300 IF WE DO THAT, WE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'LL FINISH UP. 240 00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:26,300 I'LL WORK OUT A ROUTE, DEAR. 241 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,400 LEAVE IT TO ME. 242 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,834 ( humming ) 243 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,267 ( humming trails off ) 244 00:14:51,868 --> 00:14:54,734 IS THE RIGHT WAY? 245 00:14:54,734 --> 00:14:58,334 HAVE FAITH, RICHARD. WE'LL BE THERE IN NO TIME. 246 00:15:07,901 --> 00:15:10,767 OH, COME ON! 247 00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:13,968 HOW CAN THEY SAY IT'S QUICKER BY TRAIN? 248 00:15:17,701 --> 00:15:19,868 OOOH! THE NOISE! 249 00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:33,834 ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY? 250 00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:35,667 YES, OF COURSE I AM, DEAR. 251 00:15:35,667 --> 00:15:38,100 WAIT A MINUTE. 252 00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:41,100 WE'RE IN SURREY NOW AND WE'RE GOING DOWN TO HAMPSHIRE... 253 00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:44,834 - THAT'S RIGHT. - BUT YOU'VE GOT THE MAP OPEN AT NORFOLK! 254 00:15:44,834 --> 00:15:48,801 - HMMM? - WE'RE NOWHERE NEAR KING'S LYNN! 255 00:15:52,934 --> 00:15:55,000 AGAIN! 256 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,067 RICHARD, LOOK OUT! 257 00:16:01,868 --> 00:16:05,367 ( water sloshing ) 258 00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:09,033 AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO SLOW DOWN WHEN YOU GO THROUGH ONE OF THESE? 259 00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:13,167 WHY WEREN'T YOU CONCENTRATING, DEAR? 260 00:16:13,167 --> 00:16:14,934 I CANNOT IMAGINE. 261 00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:19,067 ( engine cranking ) 262 00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:24,767 I THINK WATER'S GOT INTO THE SYSTEM. 263 00:16:24,767 --> 00:16:27,167 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 264 00:16:27,167 --> 00:16:30,634 - IT MEANS THAT WE'RE STUCK. - DON'T BE SILLY, RICHARD. 265 00:16:30,634 --> 00:16:34,100 WE CAN'T BE STUCK, WE HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE QE II. 266 00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,367 YOU'LL HAVE TO GO AND GET SOME HELP. 267 00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:38,267 BUT THE WATER! 268 00:16:38,267 --> 00:16:40,400 WELL, IT CAN'T BE THAT DEEP. 269 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:44,267 - ( Richard sighs ) - TAKE YOUR SHOES AND SOCKS OFF, ROLL YOUR TROUSERS UP. 270 00:16:46,234 --> 00:16:49,601 COME ON, DEAR. QUICK'S THE WORD, SHARP'S THE MOTION. 271 00:16:53,834 --> 00:16:56,033 ( yelling ) 272 00:16:56,033 --> 00:16:57,634 RICHARD! 273 00:16:57,634 --> 00:17:00,501 A LITTLE DECORUM PLEASE-- 274 00:17:00,501 --> 00:17:03,667 AS BEFITS SOMEONE WITH A RESERVATION FOR A QUALITY CRUISE. 275 00:17:07,033 --> 00:17:10,133 A LITTLE FASTER, RICHARD, PLEASE! 276 00:17:11,467 --> 00:17:14,601 AND CLOSE THE DOOR, DEAR, THERE'S A TERRIBLE DRAFT. 277 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,634 I WONDER IF IT'S WORTH TRYING TO FIND A TELEPHONE. 278 00:17:24,634 --> 00:17:28,400 - WHAT FOR? - TO INFORM THE QE II 279 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,501 THAT WE MAY BE A LITTLE LATE. 280 00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:34,267 I DON'T THINK SO, HYACINTH. 281 00:17:36,734 --> 00:17:38,901 LEFT OR RIGHT? 282 00:17:38,901 --> 00:17:40,567 HMMM? 283 00:17:40,567 --> 00:17:42,634 EH... 284 00:17:42,634 --> 00:17:44,601 LEFT! 285 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,434 THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT. 286 00:17:54,434 --> 00:17:56,367 IT'S A SHORTCUT. 287 00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:02,667 - WE'RE LOST. - OF COURSE WE'RE NOT LOST. 288 00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:06,200 - WE'RE HERE. - WE CAN'T BE THERE BECAUSE THAT'S A "B" ROAD. 289 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,467 THEN THIS MUST BE THE "B" ROAD. 290 00:18:08,467 --> 00:18:11,801 - THIS ISN'T EVEN A ROAD! - RICHARD. 291 00:18:11,801 --> 00:18:14,133 I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE IN THIS 292 00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:16,567 UNREASONABLE MOOD FOR THE ENTIRE HOLIDAY. 293 00:18:17,601 --> 00:18:20,234 NOW, PLEASE, DRIVE ON. 294 00:18:20,234 --> 00:18:23,501 I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND WE COME TO THE ROAD WE NEED. 295 00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:36,467 OOH, THERE'S A LATE NIGHT FLOOR SHOW, 296 00:18:36,467 --> 00:18:39,901 - OH NO! - IT'LL BE FUN, DEAR. 297 00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:42,467 SINGING, DANCING, A TOUCH OF COMEDY. 298 00:18:42,467 --> 00:18:44,467 - NO, LOOK! - HMM? 299 00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:50,100 WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME WHAT'S HAPPENED, DEAR. 300 00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:52,868 YOU'VE TAKEN THE WRONG TURNING. 301 00:19:03,834 --> 00:19:06,300 RICHARD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DEAR? 302 00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:08,534 GET BACK IN THE CAR AND TURN ROUND. 303 00:19:08,534 --> 00:19:11,767 THERE'S NOT ENOUGH ROOM TO TURN ROUND! 304 00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:15,000 WE'RE AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE. 305 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,300 AND CONTRARY TO ALL EXPECTATIONS, 306 00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:19,501 IT'S EXTREMELY NARROW. 307 00:19:19,501 --> 00:19:22,667 ( growls ) WHAT A FUSS MEN DO MAKE 308 00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:24,834 SOONER THAN ADMIT THEY'RE IN ERROR. 309 00:19:24,834 --> 00:19:27,334 TURN ROUND IN THE FIELD, DEAR! 310 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:50,367 YOU'LL HAVE TO GET OUT AND PUSH. 311 00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:53,634 - HM? - YOU'LL HAVE TO GET OUT AND PUSH. 312 00:19:55,033 --> 00:19:58,234 - ME?! - THERE'S NO ONE ELSE ABOUT. 313 00:19:58,234 --> 00:20:01,701 WHAT DO I DO? I'VE NEVER PUSHED ANYTHING IN MY LIFE. 314 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,767 THERE'S A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING. 315 00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:06,567 - BUT-- EH-- UH-- - OUT YOU GO, HYACINTH. 316 00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:08,601 THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. 317 00:20:12,701 --> 00:20:14,367 OOF. 318 00:20:17,734 --> 00:20:20,934 YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, RICHARD BUCKET! 319 00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:22,434 "BOUQUET!" 320 00:20:27,234 --> 00:20:29,234 WELL? 321 00:20:29,234 --> 00:20:31,567 PUSH! 322 00:20:59,767 --> 00:21:01,567 HAVE YOU SEEN THEM? 323 00:21:01,567 --> 00:21:04,734 NO, BUT THEY MUST BE UP THERE SOMEWHERE. 324 00:21:04,734 --> 00:21:06,767 WAVE! 325 00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:09,234 OH, COME ON. 326 00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:11,934 IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO COME DOWN TO SOUTHAMPTON. 327 00:21:11,934 --> 00:21:13,934 LOVELY DAY FOR A DRIVE, YOU SAID. 328 00:21:13,934 --> 00:21:16,300 I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE SHE WENT. 329 00:21:30,267 --> 00:21:32,734 STOP MY SHIP! 330 00:21:32,734 --> 00:21:35,367 ( foghorn ) 331 00:21:42,901 --> 00:21:46,534 I DEMAND YOU STOP THAT SHIP! 332 00:21:46,534 --> 00:21:48,501 STOP? STOP IT? 333 00:21:48,501 --> 00:21:50,501 I'M AFRAID THAT'S QUITE IMPOSSIBLE. 334 00:21:50,501 --> 00:21:53,234 IMPOSSIBLE?! IF THE DRIVER CAN'T STOP, 335 00:21:53,234 --> 00:21:55,234 WHAT'S HE DOING IN CHARGE 336 00:21:55,234 --> 00:21:57,434 OF A VESSEL OF THOSE PROPORTIONS? 337 00:21:57,434 --> 00:22:00,968 I DIDN'T KNOW WHICH OF THE SUITCASES WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT. 338 00:22:00,968 --> 00:22:03,901 THEY'RE ALL IMPORTANT, RICHARD. 339 00:22:03,901 --> 00:22:05,968 YOU SHOULD'VE BROUGHT THEM ALL. 340 00:22:05,968 --> 00:22:08,767 ( foghorn blows ) 341 00:22:09,901 --> 00:22:12,901 IT SEEMS A BIT ACADEMIC NOW, ANYWAY. 342 00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:17,167 HYACINTH, RICHARD! 343 00:22:19,133 --> 00:22:22,267 LIZ, EMMET, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 344 00:22:22,267 --> 00:22:25,801 WE DECIDED TO COME AND SEE YOU OFF. 345 00:22:25,801 --> 00:22:27,901 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 346 00:22:27,901 --> 00:22:30,667 WELL, RICHARD-- I-- 347 00:22:30,667 --> 00:22:34,000 THERE WAS A PROBLEM WITH THE MAP READING. 348 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,000 WE GOT STUCK IN SOME WATER, 349 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,934 - BOGGED DOWN IN A FIELD-- - SHH! 350 00:22:37,934 --> 00:22:39,634 TOOK THE SCENIC ROUTE, DID YOU? 351 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,734 - EMMET. - I'M SORRY. 352 00:22:43,734 --> 00:22:45,734 WE HAD A BIT OF A HOLDUP ON THE MERGEWAY, 353 00:22:45,734 --> 00:22:49,534 - BUT IT SOON CLEARED. - HOW NICE FOR YOU. 354 00:22:52,534 --> 00:22:54,968 - HALF AHEAD, CAPTAIN. - HALF AHEAD. 355 00:22:54,968 --> 00:22:56,968 ( ringing ) 356 00:22:56,968 --> 00:22:59,234 - WILL YOU GET THAT, TONY, PLEASE? - YES, SIR. 357 00:23:00,767 --> 00:23:02,767 BRIDGE. 358 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,767 NO, MADAM, I'M AFRAID WE CANNOT GO BACK FOR YOU. 359 00:23:10,467 --> 00:23:13,133 YOU COULD'VE WAITED. 360 00:23:13,133 --> 00:23:16,901 DIDN'T YOU CHECK WE WERE ON BOARD BEFORE YOU SET SAIL? 361 00:23:16,901 --> 00:23:19,234 MADAM, I'M SORRY YOU MISSED THE SHIP, 362 00:23:19,234 --> 00:23:21,234 BUT IT'S NOT OUR FAULT THAT YOU WERE LATE. 363 00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:23,567 ( sobbing, swallowing ) 364 00:23:23,567 --> 00:23:26,000 ALL I CAN SUGGEST, YOU TRY AND CATCH US UP. 365 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,601 NOW, LISTEN TO ME, MY GOOD MAN-- 366 00:23:28,601 --> 00:23:31,434 IMPORTANT AS I AM IN LOCAL CIRCLES, 367 00:23:31,434 --> 00:23:34,734 I HAVE NOT YET RISEN TO THE LEVEL WHERE I CAN WALK ON WATER. 368 00:23:34,734 --> 00:23:37,100 WELL, IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE A MIRACLE-- 369 00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:39,133 YOU MANAGED TO GET THROUGH HERE. 370 00:23:39,133 --> 00:23:41,801 WHAT I MEANT WAS, YOU COULD FLY TO COPENHAGEN 371 00:23:41,801 --> 00:23:43,767 AND JOIN US WHEN THE SHIP CALLS IN THERE. 372 00:23:44,868 --> 00:23:47,601 WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA. 373 00:23:47,601 --> 00:23:50,000 IT'S WONDERFUL. 374 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,801 THANK YOU. 375 00:23:51,801 --> 00:23:53,901 OH, SEE YOU SOON! 376 00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:58,033 I CERTAINLY LOOK FORWARD TO THAT. 377 00:23:59,033 --> 00:24:01,100 COME ALONG, RICHARD, LOOK LIVELY. 378 00:24:01,100 --> 00:24:03,534 - WE'RE GOING TO COPENHAGEN. - WHAT?! 379 00:24:03,534 --> 00:24:06,300 WE'VE GOT TO GET TO SOUTHAMPTON AIRPORT. 380 00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:08,501 COME ALONG, DEAR. BYE! 381 00:24:08,501 --> 00:24:12,767 HYACINTH, I CAN'T GO AT THAT RATE! 382 00:24:16,100 --> 00:24:18,100 THANK YOU, SIR. 383 00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:21,501 Now boarding at Gate 3. 384 00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:24,634 TWO OF YOUR NICER WINDOW SEATS, PLEASE. 385 00:24:24,634 --> 00:24:27,100 PREFERABLY OVERLOOKING ONE OF THE ENGINES, 386 00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:29,367 THEN I CAN KEEP AN EYE ON IT FOR THE CAPTAIN. 387 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:35,033 MY HUSBAND AND I WILL BE MET BY THE QE II. 388 00:24:40,901 --> 00:24:43,033 THERE WE ARE, MADAM, 389 00:24:43,033 --> 00:24:45,601 ROW TWO, SEATS "B" AND "C" 390 00:24:45,601 --> 00:24:47,834 - OVERLOOKING THE STARBOARD ENGINE. - THANK YOU. 391 00:24:51,300 --> 00:24:53,501 COME ALONG, RICHARD, 392 00:24:53,501 --> 00:24:55,834 YOU HAVEN'T TIME FOR CHATTING WITH THE PORTER. 393 00:24:55,834 --> 00:24:59,634 ACTUALLY, MADAM I AM A DENTIST ON HOLIDAY. 394 00:24:59,634 --> 00:25:02,667 I'M JUST GIVING THIS POOR MAN A HAND WITH ALL THIS LUGGAGE. 395 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:04,701 REALLY VERY KIND OF YOU. 396 00:25:04,701 --> 00:25:08,200 AND HE APPEARS TO HAVE ONE PIECE OF BAGGAGE TOO MANY. 397 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,200 COULD YOU ASK OUR PILOT 398 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,200 TO GO FASTER AND LAND A LITTLE EARLIER? 399 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,367 I'M AFRAID NOT, MADAM. 400 00:25:18,367 --> 00:25:21,434 MY HUSBAND WOULD TIP HIM HANDSOMELY. 401 00:25:22,801 --> 00:25:25,000 NO! 402 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,000 EXCUSE ME. 403 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,634 RICHARD, 404 00:25:30,634 --> 00:25:34,133 DO STOP BEING SO ECONOMICAL IN PUBLIC. 405 00:25:34,133 --> 00:25:37,868 CAN I ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR LUGGAGE? 406 00:25:37,868 --> 00:25:41,400 YES, OF COURSE. ISN'T IT SMART? 407 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,000 I EXPECT YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE I BOUGHT IT. 408 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,167 DO THEY BELONG TO YOU? 409 00:25:46,167 --> 00:25:48,367 DO I LOOK LIKE THE SORT OF PERSON 410 00:25:48,367 --> 00:25:50,000 WHO'D USE OTHER PEOPLE'S SUITCASES? 411 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,634 DID YOU PACK THEM PERSONALLY? 412 00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:55,501 I WOULD NEVER ALLOW ANYBODY ELSE 413 00:25:55,501 --> 00:25:57,400 TO TOUCH MY PRIVATE BELONGINGS. 414 00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,367 HAVE YOU LEFT THEM UNATTENDED AT ALL? 415 00:25:59,367 --> 00:26:01,801 NO, SHOULD I HAVE DONE? 416 00:26:03,968 --> 00:26:06,534 HAS ANYONE APPROACHED YOU AND ASKED YOU 417 00:26:06,534 --> 00:26:09,400 - TO CARRY ANYTHING THROUGH ON THEIR BEHALF? - THROUGH WHAT? 418 00:26:11,767 --> 00:26:14,434 DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELECTRICAL OR BATTERY OPERATED? 419 00:26:14,434 --> 00:26:17,434 OH YES, WE HAVE A TELEVISION SET, 420 00:26:17,434 --> 00:26:19,701 A WASHING MACHINE, A LIQUIDIZER-- 421 00:26:19,701 --> 00:26:22,734 THANK YOU, MADAM, I WON'T KEEP YOU A MOMENT. 422 00:26:30,534 --> 00:26:32,567 PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL 423 00:26:32,567 --> 00:26:34,801 WITH MY SET OF MATCHING EXECUTIVE LUGGAGE 424 00:26:34,801 --> 00:26:37,534 WITH GENUINE LEATHER EMBELLISHMENTS AND INITIALS. 425 00:27:02,267 --> 00:27:04,200 ( speaking Danish ) 426 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,634 AH, ALL RIGHT? 427 00:27:06,634 --> 00:27:09,934 YOUNG MAN. 428 00:27:09,934 --> 00:27:11,934 GOODBYE. 429 00:27:13,367 --> 00:27:16,501 WHY DID WE HAVE TO BE HERE SO EARLY? 430 00:27:16,501 --> 00:27:19,200 WE COULD'VE HAD ANOTHER THREE HOURS SLEEP IN THAT HOTEL. 431 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,667 DO STOP GRUMBLING, RICHARD, AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT, DEAR. 432 00:27:22,667 --> 00:27:25,033 THE SHIP'S NOT DUE FOR AGES, YET. 433 00:27:25,033 --> 00:27:28,234 WE'LL FIND A NICE COMFORTABLE SPOT 434 00:27:28,234 --> 00:27:31,300 ON THE DOCKSIDE. OVER THERE LOOKS NICE. 435 00:27:31,300 --> 00:27:33,434 WE'LL WAIT THERE. 436 00:27:35,334 --> 00:27:38,400 BRING THE CASES OVER, RICHARD. 437 00:27:46,434 --> 00:27:48,601 QUICK AS YOU CAN, DEAR. 438 00:27:53,734 --> 00:27:56,000 NOW, WHILST I GUARD THE LUGGAGE... 439 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,000 YES, NOW GUARD THIS LUGGAGE. 440 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,534 THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE WORLD'S MOST EXPENSIVE LUGGAGE. 441 00:28:00,534 --> 00:28:03,033 YOU GO AND FIND SOME NICE SWEDISH PERSON 442 00:28:03,033 --> 00:28:05,400 WHO'LL PROVIDE US WITH A CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST. 443 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,801 WHY WOULD I WANT A SWEDISH PERSON? 444 00:28:07,801 --> 00:28:09,634 THIS IS COPENHAGEN, 445 00:28:09,634 --> 00:28:11,567 WE'RE IN DENMARK. 446 00:28:11,567 --> 00:28:13,968 OH, THEY'RE ALL THE SAME, DEAR, 447 00:28:13,968 --> 00:28:15,968 IT'S ALL SCANDINAVIA. 448 00:28:15,968 --> 00:28:19,434 DON'T SAY THAT WHERE ANYONE'S LISTENING. 449 00:28:19,434 --> 00:28:21,434 THIS IS A PROUD NATION. 450 00:28:21,434 --> 00:28:23,734 THESE PEOPLE ARE DANES. 451 00:28:24,968 --> 00:28:27,100 - DANES? - DANES, YES. 452 00:28:27,100 --> 00:28:29,267 A VERY OLD SEAFARING NATION. 453 00:28:29,267 --> 00:28:31,300 DANES? 454 00:28:31,300 --> 00:28:34,767 AREN'T THEY THE ONES WHO USED TO ATTACK US IN THE DARK AGES, 455 00:28:34,767 --> 00:28:37,067 RAPING AND PILLAGING? 456 00:28:37,067 --> 00:28:39,634 THEY'RE THE ONE'S, SO DON'T GO CALLING THEM SWEDES. 457 00:28:39,634 --> 00:28:41,701 CANCEL THOSE REFRESHMENTS, RICHARD, 458 00:28:41,701 --> 00:28:44,434 I INSIST YOU STAY HERE 459 00:28:44,434 --> 00:28:46,734 AND GUARD ME FROM THESE DANES. 460 00:28:46,734 --> 00:28:48,868 - HYACINTH! - AND TO KEEP OUR SPIRITS UP, 461 00:28:48,868 --> 00:28:50,868 - WE SHALL SING, RICHARD. - NO. 462 00:28:50,868 --> 00:28:53,033 I'LL LEAD OFF, AND YOU CATCH ME UP. 463 00:28:53,033 --> 00:28:54,901 - NO, I-- - * RULE, BRITANNIA * 464 00:28:54,901 --> 00:28:57,634 * BRITANNIA RULES THE WAVES * 465 00:28:57,634 --> 00:29:00,734 Both: * BRITONS NEVER NEVER NEVER SHALL * 466 00:29:00,734 --> 00:29:03,267 * BE SLAVES * 467 00:29:03,267 --> 00:29:05,534 * RULE, BRITANNIA * 468 00:29:05,534 --> 00:29:08,067 * BRITANNIA RULES THE WAVES * 469 00:29:08,067 --> 00:29:10,968 * THEY'LL ALWAYS BE... * 470 00:29:10,968 --> 00:29:14,767 ( singing continues ) 471 00:29:26,367 --> 00:29:28,801 ( foghorn blows ) 472 00:29:32,567 --> 00:29:36,334 SHE'S COMING! SHE'S COMING! 473 00:29:36,334 --> 00:29:39,334 I THINK YOU'LL FIND SHE'S COME. 474 00:29:39,334 --> 00:29:41,868 HMM? 475 00:29:41,868 --> 00:29:44,767 WE'RE AT THE WRONG DOCK. 476 00:29:44,767 --> 00:29:48,734 OH, NO! 477 00:29:48,734 --> 00:29:51,534 HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OVER THERE WITH ALL THIS LUGGAGE? 478 00:29:51,534 --> 00:29:54,467 - WE'LL NEED SOME TRANSPORT. - WE NEED A TAXI. 479 00:29:54,467 --> 00:29:56,834 TAXI?! TAXI?! 480 00:29:56,834 --> 00:30:00,501 TAXI! 481 00:30:00,501 --> 00:30:02,501 WE HAVE TO WALK. 482 00:30:02,501 --> 00:30:05,200 RICHARD, YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME HERE 483 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,334 WITH MY MATCHING EXECUTIVE LUGGAGE 484 00:30:07,334 --> 00:30:10,300 WITH THE GENUINE LEATHER EMBELLISHMENTS AND INITIALS. 485 00:30:10,300 --> 00:30:12,367 I WOULDN'T DARE. 486 00:30:22,734 --> 00:30:25,400 OH, YES. 487 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,167 THIS WILL DO. 488 00:30:28,167 --> 00:30:32,167 THIS WILL DO VERY NICELY. 489 00:30:32,167 --> 00:30:35,834 YOU MUST TAKE SOME PICTURES FOR OUR FRIENDS, DEAR. 490 00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:37,834 OH, WHERE'S MY LUGGAGE? 491 00:30:37,834 --> 00:30:41,534 IT'S IN THE CAPABLE HANDS OF A TEAM OF PORTERS. 492 00:30:43,434 --> 00:30:46,234 LUXURY AT LAST, RICHARD. 493 00:30:46,234 --> 00:30:48,400 IT'S ALL BEEN WORTHWHILE, DEAR. 494 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,033 BUT AFTER THIS, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CUT DOWN 495 00:30:51,033 --> 00:30:53,334 - ON THINGS WE CAN'T AFFORD. - HMM? 496 00:30:53,334 --> 00:30:55,467 LIKE SHERIDAN. 497 00:30:55,467 --> 00:30:58,133 WHAT A WONDERFUL RELIEF THIS IS 498 00:30:58,133 --> 00:31:01,033 AFTER OUR NARROW ESCAPE FROM THE DANES. 499 00:31:01,033 --> 00:31:04,033 WELL, I NEED A BATH AND BED. 500 00:31:04,033 --> 00:31:06,033 NOT YET, DEAR, 501 00:31:06,033 --> 00:31:08,167 GO AND FIND ONE OF THOSE NICE SAILOR PEOPLE, 502 00:31:08,167 --> 00:31:10,100 AND ASK THEM 503 00:31:10,100 --> 00:31:12,567 TO PRESENT THE CAPTAIN WITH OUR COMPLIMENTS, 504 00:31:12,567 --> 00:31:16,701 AND OUR APOLOGIES FOR MISSING DINNER WITH HIM LAST NIGHT. 505 00:31:16,701 --> 00:31:19,133 ARE WE AT THE CAPTAIN'S TABLE? 506 00:31:19,133 --> 00:31:20,868 CERTAINLY, 507 00:31:20,868 --> 00:31:22,667 I WROTE TO HIM PERSONALLY 508 00:31:22,667 --> 00:31:25,334 WITH A LIST OF MY DIETARY REQUIREMENTS 509 00:31:25,334 --> 00:31:27,434 AND A RETURN INVITATION 510 00:31:27,434 --> 00:31:29,667 TO ONE OF MY CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS. 511 00:31:31,701 --> 00:31:34,801 RICHARD, I KNOW YOU'RE TIRED, DEAR, 512 00:31:34,801 --> 00:31:37,033 BUT I WANT YOU TO GO AND FIND OUT 513 00:31:37,033 --> 00:31:39,834 EXACTLY WHERE THEY KEEP THE FIRST-CLASS LIFEBOATS. 514 00:31:39,834 --> 00:31:42,601 I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO SINK JUST NOW 515 00:31:42,601 --> 00:31:46,634 - AS WE'RE STILL AT THE QUAYSIDE. - OH, BE PREPARED, RICHARD. 516 00:31:46,634 --> 00:31:49,033 IN THE EVENT OF AN EMERGENCY, 517 00:31:49,033 --> 00:31:51,601 I'D HATE ANYTHING DREADFUL TO HAPPEN... 518 00:31:51,601 --> 00:31:54,901 SUCH AS STUMBLING IN THE DARK INTO A SECOND-CLASS LIFEBOAT. 519 00:32:04,534 --> 00:32:06,400 OH, 520 00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:08,400 WHERE ARE YOUR BINOCULARS? 521 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,400 WHY WOULD I NEED MY BINOCULARS? 522 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,501 IT GIVES A MORE SEAMAN-LIKE EFFECT, DEAR. 523 00:32:13,501 --> 00:32:15,400 YOU CAN LOOK FOR THINGS-- 524 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,667 ICEBERGS AND THINGS. 525 00:32:17,667 --> 00:32:19,601 I'M SURE THE CAPTAIN HAS A LOOKOUT. 526 00:32:19,601 --> 00:32:22,000 HE WON'T OBJECT TO A LITTLE HELP. 527 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,200 DO FETCH YOUR BINOCULARS, DEAR. 528 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:30,000 TRY TO LOOK MORE LIKE A DESCENDANT OF SIR FRANCIS DRAKE. 529 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:31,667 SIR FRANCIS DRAKE? 530 00:32:31,667 --> 00:32:34,000 WITH A BEARD, YOU'D LOOK VERY LIKE HIM. 531 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,000 I'VE OFTEN THOUGHT SO. 532 00:32:47,267 --> 00:32:50,767 CLOSE THE DOOR, DEAR, I'M GOING TO CHANGE. 533 00:32:50,767 --> 00:32:52,367 CHANGE? 534 00:32:52,367 --> 00:32:54,767 IT TOOK YOU AN HOUR AND A HALF TO DECIDE TO WEAR THAT! 535 00:32:54,767 --> 00:32:58,667 I THINK IT'S MORE FOR AFTERNOONS. 536 00:32:58,667 --> 00:33:01,667 YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME IT WAS MORE FOR AFTERNOONS. 537 00:33:01,667 --> 00:33:03,968 OR SHOULD I SAY EIGHT BELLS? 538 00:33:03,968 --> 00:33:07,567 HELL'S BELLS WOULD BE MORE LIKE IT. 539 00:33:07,567 --> 00:33:09,501 I'LL WAIT UPSTAIRS. 540 00:33:09,501 --> 00:33:13,133 RICHARD, IT'S NOT UPSTAIRS, DEAR, 541 00:33:13,133 --> 00:33:15,267 IT'S ON DECK. 542 00:33:15,267 --> 00:33:17,634 WELL, WHATEVER IT IS, I'LL BE UP THERE 543 00:33:17,634 --> 00:33:20,300 LOOKING FOR ICEBERGS AND GROWING A BEARD. 544 00:33:30,467 --> 00:33:32,868 Hyacinth: AND THIS IS WHERE WE SHALL BE DINING 545 00:33:32,868 --> 00:33:34,901 AT THE CAPTAIN'S TABLE THIS EVENING. 546 00:33:34,901 --> 00:33:37,534 I SHOULDN'T PIN TOO MANY HOPES ON THAT. 547 00:33:37,534 --> 00:33:39,601 OH, WHICH REMINDS ME-- 548 00:33:39,601 --> 00:33:41,234 I MUST APOLOGIZE TO HIM 549 00:33:41,234 --> 00:33:43,567 FOR MISSING HIS SHIP AT SOUTHAMPTON. 550 00:33:43,567 --> 00:33:47,133 I'LL EXPLAIN TO HIM IT WASN'T MY FAULT. 551 00:33:47,133 --> 00:33:50,234 IT WAS MORE YOURS, FOR GETTING STUCK IN THAT FIELD. 552 00:33:55,467 --> 00:33:57,968 COME ALONG, RICHARD, KEEP UP, DEAR. 553 00:34:04,734 --> 00:34:07,567 DO YOU THINK I SHOULD CHANGE TO SEE THE CAPTAIN, DEAR? 554 00:34:07,567 --> 00:34:09,901 I DON'T THINK YOU'LL GET TO SEE THE CAPTAIN. 555 00:34:09,901 --> 00:34:11,934 THEY DON'T ALLOW PASSENGERS ON THE BRIDGE. 556 00:34:11,934 --> 00:34:13,968 OH, SURELY, RICHARD, 557 00:34:13,968 --> 00:34:17,200 ONCE HE KNOWS YOU'RE A DESCENDANT OF SIR FRANCIS DRAKE. 558 00:34:26,100 --> 00:34:29,667 I'M SORRY, MADAM, BUT THIS IS OFF LIMITS TO PASSENGERS. 559 00:34:30,901 --> 00:34:33,267 WELL, OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND 560 00:34:33,267 --> 00:34:36,434 FOR ORDINARY PASSENGERS, BUT THE CAPTAIN WILL WANT TO SEE ME, 561 00:34:36,434 --> 00:34:39,133 I'VE INVITED HIM TO ONE OF MY CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS. 562 00:34:42,501 --> 00:34:44,801 WELL, I THINK IT'S RIDICULOUS 563 00:34:44,801 --> 00:34:47,033 THE WAY THEY GUARD HIM. 564 00:34:47,033 --> 00:34:50,467 WHAT HAVE THEY GOT TO HIDE? THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW. 565 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,300 OH, RICHARD, 566 00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:57,300 YOU DON'T SUPPOSE THEY'VE LOST THE CAPTAIN? 567 00:34:57,300 --> 00:35:00,200 I MEAN, THEY MIGHT HAVE LEFT HIM ON THE DOCKSIDE 568 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,567 AT SOUTHAMPTON. 569 00:35:02,567 --> 00:35:05,200 OH, GOOD LORD, WHO'S STEERING?! 570 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,934 I DON'T THINK THEY'D LEAVE THE CAPTAIN BEHIND. 571 00:35:08,934 --> 00:35:10,934 THEY LEFT ME! 572 00:35:12,767 --> 00:35:15,601 WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP A CLOSE EYE OPEN THIS EVENING, 573 00:35:15,601 --> 00:35:17,734 AND IF THE CAPTAIN'S MISSING, 574 00:35:17,734 --> 00:35:20,033 I SHALL INSTITUTE INQUIRIES. 575 00:35:20,033 --> 00:35:22,033 YOU CAN SEARCH THE SHIP. 576 00:35:22,033 --> 00:35:24,501 GOOD JOB, YOU BROUGHT THOSE BINOCULARS, DEAR. 577 00:35:24,501 --> 00:35:26,300 OH, RICHARD, 578 00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:28,300 WE'RE GOING TO ENJOY 579 00:35:28,300 --> 00:35:30,767 EVERY MOMENT OF THIS CRUISE. 580 00:35:30,767 --> 00:35:32,934 NOW, WHAT SHALL I WEAR? 581 00:35:37,534 --> 00:35:40,033 ( screaming ) I THINK IT'S KIND OF YOU TO SHOW US--! 582 00:35:41,567 --> 00:35:43,734 IT'S KIND OF YOU TO SHOW US AROUND. 583 00:35:43,734 --> 00:35:46,100 ALL PART OF YOUR CRUISE-WINNER'S PRIZE, MADAM. 584 00:35:46,100 --> 00:35:48,100 FIRST THING I'VE EVER WON. 585 00:35:49,100 --> 00:35:51,634 YOU WON ME. 586 00:35:51,634 --> 00:35:55,400 HIM FROM ARNOLD STREET KEPT COMING SECOND A FEW TIMES, DIDN'T HE? 587 00:35:58,634 --> 00:36:01,000 THE ENGINE ROOM WAS FASCINATING. 588 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:04,033 I HAD AN OLD HILLMAN THAT USED TO GULP FUEL LIKE THAT. 589 00:36:05,934 --> 00:36:08,567 IT WAS ALL SO CLEAN, 590 00:36:08,567 --> 00:36:11,334 YOU MUST HAVE A GOOD DAILY HELP. 591 00:36:11,334 --> 00:36:14,000 WE HAVE QUITE A FEW ACTUALLY. 592 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,000 THIS WAY. 593 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,501 I BET EVEN YOUR HYACINTH WOULD BE HARD-PUSHED TO FIND A MARK. 594 00:36:21,734 --> 00:36:23,868 I THOUGHT ENGINE ROOMS 595 00:36:23,868 --> 00:36:27,501 WERE FULL OF SWEATY MEN WITH DIRTY HANKIES. 596 00:36:27,501 --> 00:36:29,868 NAH, THAT'S THE BETTING SHOP! 597 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,634 CAN I OPEN THEM NOW? 598 00:36:35,634 --> 00:36:39,000 I'LL TELL YOU WHEN. 599 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,868 THIS STRIKES ME AS ODD. 600 00:36:40,868 --> 00:36:42,901 I'M ON THE QE II, 601 00:36:42,901 --> 00:36:45,033 I'VE GOT A CABIN WITH A VIEW, 602 00:36:45,033 --> 00:36:48,067 AND HERE I AM WITH MY EYES CLOSED. 603 00:36:49,601 --> 00:36:52,267 I NEED YOUR ADVICE, RICHARD. 604 00:36:52,267 --> 00:36:54,801 EVEN WITH MY EYES CLOSED? 605 00:36:54,801 --> 00:36:57,200 THAT'S A NOVELTY. 606 00:36:58,601 --> 00:37:00,367 THERE. 607 00:37:02,367 --> 00:37:04,601 WELL, YOU CAN TURN ROUND NOW, DEAR. 608 00:37:09,100 --> 00:37:11,567 AND OPEN YOUR EYES, RICHARD! 609 00:37:14,267 --> 00:37:16,534 - WELL? - WELL, WHAT? 610 00:37:16,534 --> 00:37:18,601 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT? 611 00:37:18,601 --> 00:37:20,434 - OH, THE OUTFIT? - HMMM? 612 00:37:20,434 --> 00:37:23,000 HAVE YOU CHANGED AGAIN? 613 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,834 RICHARD, 614 00:37:25,834 --> 00:37:29,300 I EXPECT YOU TO NOTICE THESE THINGS, DEAR. 615 00:37:29,300 --> 00:37:31,133 NOW, TELL ME, IS IT SUITABLE? 616 00:37:31,133 --> 00:37:34,133 DOES IT GIVE THE RIGHT IMPRESSION? 617 00:37:36,234 --> 00:37:39,167 GIVE ME A CLUE, WHAT IMPRESSION ARE WE LOOKING FOR? 618 00:37:39,167 --> 00:37:42,667 EXPERIENCED FOREIGN TRAVELER, DEAR. 619 00:37:42,667 --> 00:37:44,634 I'D HATE TO LOOK LIKE SOMEONE 620 00:37:44,634 --> 00:37:46,901 WHO WASN'T USED TO BEING ON THE QE II. 621 00:37:46,901 --> 00:37:50,200 NOW, DOES IT GIVE THE IMPRESSION... 622 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,234 THAT I'M TAKING ALL THIS IN MY STRIDE? 623 00:37:55,367 --> 00:37:58,934 I THINK THAT I WAS HAPPIER WITH MY EYES CLOSED. 624 00:38:01,767 --> 00:38:04,767 IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN SHOW YOU? 625 00:38:04,767 --> 00:38:08,267 I COLD DO WITH LEARNING A FEW KNOTS. 626 00:38:08,267 --> 00:38:10,300 WHAT DO YOU WANT KNOTS FOR? 627 00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:14,234 I COULD TIE FATHER TO THE BED ON HIS OFF DAYS. 628 00:38:14,234 --> 00:38:16,234 I THOUGHT YOU DID. 629 00:38:16,234 --> 00:38:18,634 HE GETS LOOSE. 630 00:38:18,634 --> 00:38:21,367 YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME, I'D HAVE HELPED YOU. 631 00:38:21,367 --> 00:38:24,300 I DID TELL YOU, YOU TOOK NO NOTICE. 632 00:38:24,300 --> 00:38:26,601 I MUST HAVE BEEN BUSY. 633 00:38:26,601 --> 00:38:28,601 YOU WERE WATCHING TELLY. 634 00:38:28,601 --> 00:38:31,334 WELL, THERE YOU ARE, I WAS BUSY. 635 00:38:31,334 --> 00:38:34,000 WELL THEN, IF THERE'S NOTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO SEE, 636 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:36,167 IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I SHALL RETURN TO MY DUTIES. 637 00:38:36,167 --> 00:38:38,234 WELL, THERE IS ONE THING, SQUIRE. 638 00:38:38,234 --> 00:38:40,667 I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE THE INSIDE OF A LIFEBOAT. 639 00:38:40,667 --> 00:38:43,300 OH, RIGHT. 640 00:38:43,300 --> 00:38:45,834 THIS WAY. 641 00:38:47,968 --> 00:38:51,100 I DID SHOW ENTHUSIASM. 642 00:38:51,100 --> 00:38:54,634 YOU DIDN'T! YOU SHOWED NO ENTHUSIASM! 643 00:38:54,634 --> 00:38:56,467 I TRIED TO SHOW ENTHUSIASM, 644 00:38:56,467 --> 00:38:58,467 GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE, HYACINTH, 645 00:38:58,467 --> 00:39:00,601 I'LL INFUSE IT TO DEATH! 646 00:39:00,601 --> 00:39:03,567 - NO, I WOULDN'T SAY HATED! 647 00:39:03,567 --> 00:39:07,234 I DAREN'T SAY HATED. 648 00:39:07,234 --> 00:39:10,701 WELL, I HOPE I'VE NOW FOUND SOMETHING YOU APPROVE OF. 649 00:39:10,701 --> 00:39:14,400 - I LIKE IT! - YOU HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED AT IT YET! 650 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,701 I JUST KNEW INSTINCTIVELY 651 00:39:16,701 --> 00:39:18,701 THAT I WOULD LIKE IT. 652 00:39:22,734 --> 00:39:25,167 IT'S BIGGER THAN YOU THINK. 653 00:39:25,167 --> 00:39:26,801 LISTEN WHO'S TALKING. 654 00:39:29,968 --> 00:39:32,467 EXCUSE ME, SIR, YOU'RE WANTED IN THE RADIO ROOM. 655 00:39:32,467 --> 00:39:34,367 ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. 656 00:39:34,367 --> 00:39:37,033 - WILL YOU BE ALL RIGHT, UP THERE? - FINE. 657 00:39:37,033 --> 00:39:40,767 RIGHT, I'LL JOIN YOU AGAIN IN A MINUTE. 658 00:39:40,767 --> 00:39:43,234 DAISE, YOU WANT TO COME UP HERE AND HAVE A LOOK? 659 00:39:43,234 --> 00:39:45,467 I'M NOT COMING UP THERE. 660 00:39:45,467 --> 00:39:48,334 THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF SKIRT YOU CAN CLIMB LADDERS IN. 661 00:39:48,334 --> 00:39:50,567 NOT THAT YOU'VE EVEN NOTICED. 662 00:39:50,567 --> 00:39:53,000 NOW DON'T START THAT AGAIN. 663 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,567 ONE WHIFF OF SALT AIR AND YOU GO BANANAS. 664 00:39:56,567 --> 00:40:00,601 I THOUGHT A CRUISE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ROMANTIC. 665 00:40:00,601 --> 00:40:02,834 IT'S NOT COMPULSORY. 666 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:09,400 - I KNEW YOU WERE WRONG, WE SHOULD'VE TURNED LEFT. - I DID TURN LEFT. 667 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,033 PERHAPS YOU'LL FOLLOW MY DIRECTIONS IN FUTURE. 668 00:40:12,033 --> 00:40:14,467 I WAS FOLLOWING THEM. YOU SAID TURN LEFT. 669 00:40:14,467 --> 00:40:17,601 THIS MUST LEAD TO A DECK. 670 00:40:27,133 --> 00:40:29,267 - OH! - WHAT IS IT? 671 00:40:29,267 --> 00:40:32,934 OH, THE SHAME, RICHARD, THE SHAME. 672 00:40:32,934 --> 00:40:35,267 JUST TURNING RIGHT WHEN IT SHOULD'VE BEEN LEFT? 673 00:40:35,267 --> 00:40:38,467 - IT'S NOT ALL THAT BAD. - NO, IT'S NOT THAT, DEAR. 674 00:40:38,467 --> 00:40:40,834 IT'S ONSLOW AND DAISY. 675 00:40:40,834 --> 00:40:44,334 - WHAT ABOUT THEM? - THEY'RE HERE! 676 00:40:44,334 --> 00:40:46,701 HOW CAN THEY BE HERE? 677 00:40:46,701 --> 00:40:48,701 WELL, THEY ARE. 678 00:40:48,701 --> 00:40:50,367 I'VE JUST SEEN THEM 679 00:40:50,367 --> 00:40:52,367 CLIMBING OUT OF A LIFEBOAT. 680 00:40:54,167 --> 00:40:56,434 THEY MUST HAVE STOWED AWAY. 681 00:41:02,467 --> 00:41:04,567 OH, RICHARD, 682 00:41:04,567 --> 00:41:08,067 MY OWN SISTER, A STOWAWAY. 683 00:41:08,067 --> 00:41:10,634 WELL, DAISY, MAYBE, 684 00:41:10,634 --> 00:41:13,334 BUT DO YOU THINK ONSLOW WOULD GET UP EARLY ENOUGH 685 00:41:13,334 --> 00:41:15,868 TO BE A STOWAWAY? 686 00:41:15,868 --> 00:41:18,100 ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE? 687 00:41:18,100 --> 00:41:20,467 THEY WERE HIDING IN A LIFEBOAT. 688 00:41:20,467 --> 00:41:23,901 HOW ELSE WOULD ONSLOW GAIN ACCESS TO THE QE II? 689 00:41:23,901 --> 00:41:26,067 PERHAPS HE'S WON SOME MONEY ON THE HORSES. 690 00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:28,901 NO, ONSLOW NEVER WINS ON THE HORSES. 691 00:41:28,901 --> 00:41:30,901 YOU'VE SEEN THE WAY HE DRESSES. 692 00:41:30,901 --> 00:41:33,067 DOES HE LOOK AS IF HE WINS ON THE HORSES? 693 00:41:33,067 --> 00:41:35,400 THE HORSES DRESS BETTER THAN ONSLOW. 694 00:41:36,467 --> 00:41:38,567 WELL, WHAT'S HE WEARING NOW? 695 00:41:38,567 --> 00:41:41,200 HE LOOKS QUITE SMART AT THE MOMENT. 696 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,200 HE'S TRYING TO BLUFF HIS WAY THROUGH. 697 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,667 TRYING TO LOOK LIKE A PASSENGER. 698 00:41:45,667 --> 00:41:48,400 OH, BUT MY POOR SISTER 699 00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:52,000 SLEEPING IN A LIFEBOAT. 700 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,300 COWERING LIKE SOME CRIMINAL 701 00:41:54,300 --> 00:41:57,000 ON THIS MAGNIFICENT SHIP! 702 00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,434 AT THIS VERY MOMENT, PROBABLY HIDING 703 00:41:59,434 --> 00:42:02,100 IN SOME FORGOTTEN CORNER OF THE BILGES. 704 00:42:03,267 --> 00:42:05,834 ( classical music plays ) 705 00:42:16,934 --> 00:42:18,701 ONSLOW, 706 00:42:18,701 --> 00:42:20,667 I BROUGHT THE BLACK NEGLIGEE. 707 00:42:22,534 --> 00:42:24,868 NOT THE BLACK NEGLIGEE. 708 00:42:24,868 --> 00:42:28,133 YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT MIGHT COME IN HANDY. 709 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,300 NOW I KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN BY, 710 00:42:36,300 --> 00:42:38,701 "THOSE IN PERIL ON THE SEA." 711 00:42:40,667 --> 00:42:43,334 WE MUST FIND THEM AND HIDE THEM. 712 00:42:43,334 --> 00:42:45,367 - HIDE THEM WHERE? - IN HERE. 713 00:42:45,367 --> 00:42:47,968 AND ONCE THEY'RE SAFELY IN HERE, 714 00:42:47,968 --> 00:42:50,767 YOU MUST GO TO THE PURSER, EXPLAIN THE SITUATION, 715 00:42:50,767 --> 00:42:54,067 - AND PAY THEIR FARES. - PAY THEIR FARES?! 716 00:42:54,067 --> 00:42:56,934 YOU MUST FIND A CABIN FOR DAISY, AT LEAST. 717 00:42:56,934 --> 00:42:58,968 PERSONALLY, I WOULDN'T OBJECT 718 00:42:58,968 --> 00:43:01,133 IF THEY CLAPPED ONSLOW IN IRONS. 719 00:43:01,133 --> 00:43:03,133 THEY STILL DO THAT? 720 00:43:03,133 --> 00:43:05,133 THEY OUGHT TO, IN HIS CASE. 721 00:43:05,133 --> 00:43:07,167 NOW I MUST CHANGE, DEAR. 722 00:43:07,167 --> 00:43:09,634 CHANGE? YOU MEAN THAT YOU'VE BROUGHT SOMETHING SPECIALLY 723 00:43:09,634 --> 00:43:11,801 FOR SEARCHING FOR STOWAWAYS? 724 00:43:11,801 --> 00:43:14,801 WE MUST ALTER OUR APPEARANCE, RICHARD. 725 00:43:14,801 --> 00:43:16,767 I DON'T WISH TO BE RECOGNIZED 726 00:43:16,767 --> 00:43:19,067 IN THE COMPANY OF STOWAWAYS. 727 00:43:19,067 --> 00:43:21,100 NOW, HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING 728 00:43:21,100 --> 00:43:22,801 THAT YOU COULD USE AS A DISGUISE? 729 00:43:22,801 --> 00:43:25,467 PERHAPS IF I TRIED TO LOOK UNMARRIED, 730 00:43:25,467 --> 00:43:27,734 MAYBE THAT WOULD DO THE TRICK. 731 00:43:27,734 --> 00:43:29,868 I COULD MURDER ONSLOW. 732 00:43:29,868 --> 00:43:32,601 WHAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IS WHY WOULD ONSLOW 733 00:43:32,601 --> 00:43:35,267 WANT TO STOWAWAY ON THE QE II? 734 00:43:35,267 --> 00:43:37,934 I EXPECT DAISY DROVE HIM TO IT. 735 00:43:37,934 --> 00:43:40,567 PERHAPS SHE WAS JEALOUS OF US. 736 00:43:40,567 --> 00:43:43,000 POOR DEMENTED DAISY. 737 00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:44,968 AFTER A LIFETIME'S NEGLECT, 738 00:43:44,968 --> 00:43:46,934 SHE WANTED HER MOMENT IN THE SUN. 739 00:43:46,934 --> 00:43:48,934 IF SHE KEEPS STOWING AWAY, 740 00:43:48,934 --> 00:43:51,567 SHE'S GOING TO GET A MOMENT IN "THE SUN," "THE STAR" 741 00:43:51,567 --> 00:43:53,767 - "THE DAILY MIRROR." - RICHARD, 742 00:43:53,767 --> 00:43:56,000 THERE MUST BE NO PUBLICITY, DEAR. 743 00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:59,000 IT WOULD DECIMATE ATTENDANCE AT MY CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS 744 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,000 AND SHERIDAN WOULD BE APPALLED. 745 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,634 LOOK, DISGUISE YOURSELF, DEAR, WE HAVE WORK TO DO. 746 00:44:20,133 --> 00:44:22,167 COME ALONG, DEAR. 747 00:44:22,167 --> 00:44:26,033 COME ALONG, RICHARD, DON'T JUST STAND THERE. 748 00:44:26,033 --> 00:44:28,033 START JOGGING, DEAR. 749 00:44:28,033 --> 00:44:30,934 - JOGGING? - EVERYBODY ACCEPTS JOGGERS. 750 00:44:30,934 --> 00:44:33,000 JOGGERS ARE ABOVE SUSPICION. 751 00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:36,067 WE CAN SCOUR THIS SHIP FROM TOP TO BOTTOM. 752 00:44:36,067 --> 00:44:38,033 COME ALONG, DEAR. 753 00:44:42,901 --> 00:44:45,801 NOW KEEP AN EAGLE EYE OUT FOR ONSLOW AND DAISY. 754 00:44:45,801 --> 00:44:48,601 HOW. 755 00:44:48,601 --> 00:44:51,234 KEEPING YOUR EYES SKINNED, DEAR. 756 00:45:18,133 --> 00:45:20,667 KEEP YOUR EYES SKINNED, RICHARD. 757 00:45:24,667 --> 00:45:27,067 - ANY SIGNS? - NO. 758 00:45:40,567 --> 00:45:42,567 NO, LEAVE THAT, DEAR. 759 00:45:58,167 --> 00:46:00,167 YES? 760 00:46:01,534 --> 00:46:03,367 - SUGAR? - NO, THANK YOU. 761 00:46:07,467 --> 00:46:09,534 - THAT WAS LORD LICHFIELD! - I KNOW. 762 00:46:15,667 --> 00:46:17,934 ( muttering ) 763 00:46:22,167 --> 00:46:24,367 ( piano music playing ) 764 00:46:30,567 --> 00:46:32,467 I'M SORRY. 765 00:46:40,534 --> 00:46:42,934 ( bell rings ) 766 00:47:02,133 --> 00:47:04,133 COME ALONG, RICHARD. 767 00:47:04,133 --> 00:47:05,834 WE'VE NO TIME FOR THAT SORT OF THING. 768 00:47:11,234 --> 00:47:13,133 ( classical music playing ) 769 00:47:21,667 --> 00:47:24,334 HYACINTH, WE HAVEN'T GOT THE TIME-- 770 00:47:24,334 --> 00:47:26,100 LET ALONE THE MONEY. 771 00:47:42,567 --> 00:47:44,567 ( cymbals ring ) 772 00:47:44,567 --> 00:47:46,634 DEAR. 773 00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,267 ( gasps ) 774 00:47:58,267 --> 00:48:00,334 AND REMEMBER, RICHARD, 775 00:48:00,334 --> 00:48:03,667 THIS IS WHERE WE SHALL BE DINING AT THE CAPTAIN'S TABLE THIS EVENING. 776 00:48:03,667 --> 00:48:06,167 I DON'T THINK I'LL HAVE THE BREATH. 777 00:48:10,767 --> 00:48:12,634 OH. 778 00:48:12,634 --> 00:48:14,634 NO, COME ON. 779 00:48:15,934 --> 00:48:18,000 WHAT'S GOING ON? 780 00:48:20,133 --> 00:48:21,901 - ( gasps ) - OOH! 781 00:48:21,901 --> 00:48:23,801 I'M SORRY. 782 00:48:24,868 --> 00:48:27,000 WHA--? 783 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:30,567 ( dramatic music playing ) 784 00:48:34,467 --> 00:48:36,234 SORRY! 785 00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,701 OH, RICHARD, LOOK, 786 00:48:58,701 --> 00:49:00,701 THE CAPTAIN'S COCKTAIL PARTY-- 787 00:49:00,701 --> 00:49:03,801 TO WHICH, HAD WE NOT BEEN CHASING STOWAWAYS, 788 00:49:03,801 --> 00:49:06,033 WE WOULD MOST CERTAINLY HAVE BEEN INVITED. 789 00:49:06,033 --> 00:49:09,400 OH, AND I HAVE THE PERFECT OUTFIT FOR IT. 790 00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,200 NOW, WHY DOESN'T THAT SURPRISE ME? 791 00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:15,734 OH, AND IT'S VERY ELEGANT, TOO, RICHARD. 792 00:49:15,734 --> 00:49:18,801 IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE PERFECT SETTING 793 00:49:18,801 --> 00:49:21,968 FOR MY PINK TWO-PIECE WITH THE MARCASITE BROOCH. 794 00:49:21,968 --> 00:49:24,901 YOU KNOW, IF WE TOOK THE TIME TO LOOK, 795 00:49:24,901 --> 00:49:27,501 IT'S REALLY QUITE BEAUTIFUL OUT THERE. 796 00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:33,467 I BELIEVE I COULD GET USED TO THIS, 797 00:49:33,467 --> 00:49:36,300 GOING PLACES AND NOT HAVING TO DRIVE. 798 00:49:37,934 --> 00:49:39,901 NOT THAT I EVER DO DRIVE. 799 00:49:39,901 --> 00:49:42,667 I JUST STEER AND FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. 800 00:49:50,267 --> 00:49:53,501 WHAT ON EARTH'S THE MATTER? 801 00:49:53,501 --> 00:49:57,033 - ( gags ) - HAVE YOU GOT A FLY IN YOUR THROAT? 802 00:49:57,033 --> 00:49:59,434 ARE THERE ANY FLIES? I DON'T THINK THERE ARE ANY FLIES. 803 00:50:00,834 --> 00:50:02,801 WHAT IS IT? 804 00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:07,000 THEY'RE IN THERE. 805 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,000 SOMEHOW THEY'VE BLUFFED THEIR WAY 806 00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,000 INTO THE CAPTAIN'S COCKTAIL PARTY. 807 00:50:12,901 --> 00:50:15,534 IT'S ALL RIGHT BY ME IF IT'S ALL RIGHT BY YOU. 808 00:50:15,534 --> 00:50:18,067 ( laughing ) 809 00:50:18,067 --> 00:50:22,434 I MUST SAY, HE GETS AWAY WITH IT, OLD ONSLOW. 810 00:50:22,434 --> 00:50:24,534 WE HAVE TO GET THEM OUT OF THERE 811 00:50:24,534 --> 00:50:28,100 BEFORE THE CAPTAIN REALIZES THEY'RE STOWAWAYS. 812 00:50:33,067 --> 00:50:35,167 HOW DARE THEY ESCORT ME 813 00:50:35,167 --> 00:50:37,400 FROM THE CAPTAIN'S COCKTAIL PARTY! 814 00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:40,868 WELL, YOU WERE MAKING FUNNY GESTURES. 815 00:50:40,868 --> 00:50:42,868 THEY WERE NOT FUNNY, 816 00:50:42,868 --> 00:50:46,601 I WAS TRYING TO ATTRACT MY SISTER'S ATTENTION. 817 00:50:46,601 --> 00:50:49,534 OH! YOU SEE WHAT THE TROUBLE WAS? 818 00:50:49,534 --> 00:50:51,400 IN THIS JOGGING OUTFIT, 819 00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,133 THEY WERE UNABLE TO TELL THAT I WAS SUITABLE MATERIAL 820 00:50:54,133 --> 00:50:56,567 FOR THE CAPTAIN'S COCKTAIL PARTY. 821 00:50:56,567 --> 00:51:00,100 IT'S TIME FOR MORE DIPLOMATIC MANEUVERS. 822 00:51:00,100 --> 00:51:02,734 OH, NO. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN MIND NOW? 823 00:51:02,734 --> 00:51:05,334 I SHALL APPEAL TO THE CAPTAIN PERSONALLY, 824 00:51:05,334 --> 00:51:07,901 THROW MYSELF ON HIS MERCY. 825 00:51:07,901 --> 00:51:09,901 I SHALL EXPLAIN TO HIM 826 00:51:09,901 --> 00:51:12,133 THAT MY SISTER HAS LAPSES OF COMMON SENSE, 827 00:51:12,133 --> 00:51:15,033 - DOES SHE? - SHE MARRIED ONSLOW, DIDN'T SHE? 828 00:51:16,267 --> 00:51:18,601 NO, I SHALL TELL HIM, DEAR, 829 00:51:18,601 --> 00:51:21,901 THAT YOU WILL PAY ONSLOW AND DAISY'S FARES-- 830 00:51:21,901 --> 00:51:23,634 WITH WHAT? 831 00:51:23,634 --> 00:51:26,634 AND IN RETURN FOR THE CAPTAIN'S SILENCE AND DISCRETION, 832 00:51:26,634 --> 00:51:29,234 I HOPE TO BE ABLE TO REPAY HIM. 833 00:51:29,234 --> 00:51:32,334 I PERHAPS COULD ORGANIZE A LITTLE CONCERT FOR HIM. 834 00:51:32,334 --> 00:51:34,467 OH, I COULD GIVE MY PROGRAM 835 00:51:34,467 --> 00:51:37,634 OF SONG HIGHLIGHTS FROM H.M.S. PINAFORE. 836 00:51:37,634 --> 00:51:39,634 I THINK YOU'LL FIND 837 00:51:39,634 --> 00:51:41,834 THEY HAVE PROFESSIONAL ENTERTAINERS ON BOARD. 838 00:51:41,834 --> 00:51:44,067 OH YES, DEAR, BUT THERE'S NOTHING QUITE LIKE 839 00:51:44,067 --> 00:51:46,901 THE FRESHNESS OF THE AMATEUR APPROACH. 840 00:51:46,901 --> 00:51:48,834 I SHALL SPEAK TO THE CAPTAIN. 841 00:51:48,834 --> 00:51:50,901 WHERE'RE YOU GOING TO GET TO THE CAPTAIN?! 842 00:51:50,901 --> 00:51:52,901 AT DINNER THIS EVENING, DEAR. 843 00:51:52,901 --> 00:51:54,467 NOW WE MUST CHANGE. COME ALONG. 844 00:51:54,467 --> 00:51:57,400 AGAIN? OHH. 845 00:52:08,067 --> 00:52:10,067 - GOOD EVENING. - GOOD EVENING. 846 00:52:11,834 --> 00:52:13,868 - GOOD EVENING. - GOOD EVENING. 847 00:52:17,501 --> 00:52:19,501 GOOD EVENING, MADAM, SIR. 848 00:52:19,501 --> 00:52:22,534 GOOD EVENING, MR. AND MRS. "BOUQUET." 849 00:52:22,534 --> 00:52:25,501 JUST ONE MOMENT PLEASE, MADAM. 850 00:52:25,501 --> 00:52:27,901 ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE IN THIS DINING ROOM, MADAM? 851 00:52:27,901 --> 00:52:30,067 THIS IS RESERVED FOR FIRST-CLASS PASSENGERS. 852 00:52:30,067 --> 00:52:33,000 I THINK YOU'LL FIND YOU SHOULD BE IN THE MAURITANIA RESTAURANT. 853 00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:36,300 BUT THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE. 854 00:52:36,300 --> 00:52:38,601 - EXCUSE ME, GOOD EVENING, SIR. - GOOD EVENING. 855 00:52:38,601 --> 00:52:41,567 LET'S NOT DEBATE IT NOW. 856 00:52:41,567 --> 00:52:45,334 LOOK, THERE ARE SOME PLACES AT THE CAPTAIN'S TABLE. 857 00:52:45,334 --> 00:52:48,067 THOSE ARE RESERVED FOR THE CAPTAIN'S GUESTS. 858 00:52:48,067 --> 00:52:49,334 AH, HERE THEY COME NOW. 859 00:53:08,267 --> 00:53:11,968 THEY'RE DOING PRETTY WELL FOR STOWAWAYS. 860 00:53:15,667 --> 00:53:18,234 WE'VE GOT TO FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON, RICHARD. 861 00:53:18,234 --> 00:53:20,567 CAN WE HAVE DINNER FIRST? 862 00:53:20,567 --> 00:53:22,701 YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU LIKE, 863 00:53:22,701 --> 00:53:25,868 I'VE LOST MY APPETITE. 864 00:53:25,868 --> 00:53:29,434 YOU SOMEHOW HAVE TO CONTACT DAISY AND ONSLOW 865 00:53:29,434 --> 00:53:31,434 AS SOON AS YOU'VE EATEN. 866 00:53:43,133 --> 00:53:45,067 WELL? 867 00:53:45,067 --> 00:53:48,367 THEY'RE HERE OFFICIALLY. 868 00:53:48,367 --> 00:53:50,501 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OFFICIALLY"? 869 00:53:50,501 --> 00:53:53,667 YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW HAS WON FIRST PRIZE 870 00:53:53,667 --> 00:53:55,567 IN A NEWSPAPER COMPETITION-- 871 00:53:55,567 --> 00:53:57,901 TWO TICKETS FOR THIS CRUISE 872 00:53:57,901 --> 00:53:59,934 WITH ALL THE TRIMMINGS. 873 00:54:05,033 --> 00:54:07,033 WHY DIDN'T THEY SAY SOMETHING? 874 00:54:07,033 --> 00:54:09,033 WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL US? 875 00:54:09,033 --> 00:54:11,968 ONSLOW SAID HE DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE US JEALOUS. 876 00:54:11,968 --> 00:54:13,801 YOU SHOULD SEE THEIR CABIN. 877 00:54:13,801 --> 00:54:16,767 - IT IS MAGNIFICENT. - WHAT--? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 878 00:54:16,767 --> 00:54:19,767 - IT IS REALLY LUXURIOUS. CHAMPAGNE... - I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! 879 00:54:19,767 --> 00:54:22,000 - FLOWERS... - I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! 880 00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:24,100 THEY'RE BEING TREATED LIKE FILM STARS. 881 00:54:24,100 --> 00:54:27,634 ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! 882 00:54:43,567 --> 00:54:45,534 DON'T YOU WANT TO DANCE? 883 00:54:45,534 --> 00:54:47,834 HMM? 884 00:54:47,834 --> 00:54:51,000 I DON'T THINK SO, THANK YOU. 885 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:03,767 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BEFORE WE GO ON TO THE NEXT DANCE, 886 00:55:03,767 --> 00:55:06,400 ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO A VERY SPECIAL GENTLEMAN. 887 00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,567 A GENTLEMAN WHO ENTERED A COMPETITION 888 00:55:08,567 --> 00:55:10,234 IN THE NATIONAL NEWSPAPERS 889 00:55:10,234 --> 00:55:12,234 AND WAS CLEVER ENOUGH, OR LUCKY ENOUGH, 890 00:55:12,234 --> 00:55:14,133 TO WIN FIRST PRIZE. 891 00:55:14,133 --> 00:55:17,334 THAT FIRST PRIZE, OF COURSE, WAS A LUXURY CABIN FOR TWO, 892 00:55:17,334 --> 00:55:20,601 AND LUXURY V.I.P. TREATMENT ON THIS VERY CRUISE. 893 00:55:20,601 --> 00:55:22,734 SO A NICE BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE, IF YOU WILL, 894 00:55:22,734 --> 00:55:26,167 FOR ONSLOW AND HIS LOVELY WIFE DAISY. 895 00:55:38,100 --> 00:55:40,133 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 896 00:55:40,133 --> 00:55:42,133 PLEASE TAKE YOUR PARTNERS FOR AN "EXCUSE ME," 897 00:55:42,133 --> 00:55:45,534 AND ONSLOW AND DAISY, WHY NOT "PUT ON A HAPPY FACE"? 898 00:55:45,534 --> 00:55:48,133 "Put on a Happy Face") 899 00:56:07,634 --> 00:56:10,400 COME ON, HYACINTH, WE MIGHT AS WELL PUT-- 900 00:56:15,501 --> 00:56:17,567 OH, HELLO, HYACINTH. 901 00:56:17,567 --> 00:56:20,501 EXCUSE ME, DAISY. 902 00:56:20,501 --> 00:56:24,267 ONSLOW, CONGRATULATIONS. 903 00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:42,133 SO THEN, THIS PURSER CHAP CAME UP TO THE CABIN, 904 00:56:42,133 --> 00:56:44,267 AND SAID WE'RE ON THE CAPTAIN'S TABLE, 905 00:56:44,267 --> 00:56:47,100 AND I THOUGHT, "BLIMEY!" I MEAN, YOU WIN A COMPETITION, 906 00:56:47,100 --> 00:56:49,300 YOU GET A LUXURY CRUISE, 907 00:56:49,300 --> 00:56:51,801 AND THEN THEY EXPECT YOU TO EAT WITH THE CREW! 908 00:57:00,734 --> 00:57:03,701 ( "Rock around the clock" plays ) 68356