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Everyone is looking for it. Really. You too.

Only no one knows what it is. Love.

No one can catch it. No one can control it.

Or can you?

What if the code can be cracked?

What if you could predict who belongs to who through 500 questions?

Question 87: Someone calls you during a dinner date.

Do you pick up, or do you leave it?

So, I'm Bob. Bob Flinck.

I was a bit late. -You've got to be kidding.

Yeah, I was at a colleague's cremation.

Really, how nice.

Nice? It was awful.

You need to shut up for a moment. -Right.

I'm on my way right now. Don't hang up.

I'm on my way.

Question 224:

On a scale of 1 to 10, how shy are you in company?

Hi. I'd like a smoked chicken salad, please.

Maybe it's me, but... -Burger. She said 'hamburger'.

Question 112: What age difference do you think is acceptable and why?

That seat is taken.

Who by? -Someone I'm waiting for.

That's me. I'm David.

For God's sake.

How old are you? 13?

18. Almost.

Here. That's for the carousel and an ice-cream.

Question 469: What are your sexual preferences?

What are you doing, man? -Sorry.

What kind of prick are you? -Sorry.

I thought you liked it that way.

Those kinds of questions.

Fill out the list and I will find you the perfect match.

My name is Roos. Welcome to Blind Date.

Hi. Yoo-hoo.

Hi. Are you by any chance going along the Leidsegracht?

If I can help someone with a free taxi ride, I will.

Kinky outfit, girl. -Great, isn't it?

And what can you do for me? -One hell of a lot if you're single.

I'm better than any algorithm.

I'll have found the love of your life before the end of the month.

Is that possible? -Yes. Thank you. Bye.

Yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo. Hi, hi. -Hi.

Sorry. You are...? -Geurt.

Sorry. How long have you been waiting? Ten minutes or so?

43.5. -So precise, too.

I had the time to keep track. -Yes.

Roos Engel. Pleased to meet you. -Pleased to meet you.

You look nothing like a Geurt.

What does a Geurt look like then, in your opinion?

I... Ho. I'll show you round the office.

Welcome to Blind Date. -Wow.

Right... Geurt. -Yes.

Why here? -Sorry?

Why apply here? -Oh. Yes, well...

To cut a long story short: love. -Tell me more.

I now work part-time for a bank, HR, And there isn't much love there.

To be honest, I don't really know what I'm doing there...

...but what I do know is that in everyone lives an enormous source of love.

Romantic. -Do you think so?

And it often goes wrong through the way we treat love.

Yes. Take something ridiculous, like Valentine's Day.

As if love is for sale.

You buy 6 kilos of chocolate for someone. That doesn't say I love you.

That says: you could do with gaining a few kilos.

So you are Cupid's right hand here?

Something like that. But Cupid would be totally ashamed...

...if he could see how those dating apps now handle love.

Good evening.

Hey, watch out, man, with your stupid guinea pig.

Hi. Not too short, okay? -No, just the ends.

Thanks. -Yeah.

A match.

A raisin with glasses.

Look, that's what I get yet again.

This is Uncle Frits.

Goddamn. Well, so much for a normal Christmas dinner this year.

Oh, sorry.

Hey, pal. Hey. You're hungry, aren't you?

No, not that one.

Hmmm, not sure.

Goddammit.

They're balls.

Yes, two lovely warm balls.

But... -Sorry, doggie.

Trimsalabim sure takes trimming to a whole new level.

Bye, Constance.

Weekend.

I added a bit of sambal.

Yes. I think you added more than that.

I don't know what it is.

What is that? Poodle? Or Cocker Spaniel?

Having dinner with my mother. Always fun.

It doesn't matter. What was it like last night?

Your date, how was it? -Exactly like his dog.

Fat, covered in hair, bad breath and constantly drooling.

I should never have listened to you.

Kid, your situation needs some heavier artillery.

'My situation.' -Yes. Over 40 and still single.

Mom, do you have to?

Can't we just talk about something other than my love life for once?

Tell me what you want to talk about. -I don't know.

About the food? -Well, okay.

Tasty pasta. A bit of courgette. And, indeed, that sambal.

That kind of hides the taste of the dog hairs.

Researchers have calculated that just 15% of dating app users...

...actually find true love. So, that doesn't work at all, right?

And I know why.

Too much choice? -It has become a kind of...

...digital candy store.

It seems that people are happier with fewer options.

Okay. And what is your role in all of this?

I'm a sort of relationship therapist meets sex counsellor...

...slash singles mentor combined with a dating and break-up coach.

'Sort of', sounds kind of seedy.

Absolutely not. It's a 'mer à boire' of all the courses I've followed...

...and for which I have received a certificate. Thank you very much.

So you pair people up? -Yes.

Now it sounds like I haphazardly put two people together.

But isn't that what you're doing? -No.

No. I've developed a system.

500 questions. A kind of eleven plus exam for love.

So how do you know that these people want to be matched?

I don't just pluck them willy-nilly from the street. No.

These people have all been signed up or have signed themselves up.

They have answered each of the 500 questions, one by one.

When there's a match score of more than 65%, I make my move.

And I'm ready to take on an extra pair of hands, so it seems...

Hi. A black coffee, please.

Oh, jeez. Here he is again. -Yes. Do you have to work?

Gala ball at the fish market.

Hey, get this.

Picture this, your left leg is Christmas, and your right leg is Easter.

Would you like me to pop in between the holidays?

Thank you. God, save me.

So. Home again. Hey, Constance?

What's this? -What?

Yeah, apparently it's all the rage. -But I'm not going outside with that.

Aldo, it's your dog. -That you've trimmed like a box hedge.

Okay. This isn't going to work. Not anymore.

Family can stay three days tops and you've been here for a year.

Wouter and I want to live together but we can't because you're still here.

I hardly ever dare invite Wouter round...

...because my little brother is constantly breathing down my neck.

I don't want you breathing down my neck. I want Wouter to do that.

Yes, breathing. Down my neck.

Aldo, you're 34. It's time you met a nice girl...

...who you can hang on to for more than an hour.

I'm making good progress. Really.

'Progress.' So, tell me. -This time she actually replied.

Oh, come on.

I keep trying. She just needs to cross the line.

This 'crossing the line' has been going on a long time. No is no, you know.

Ta-da. Our guests. First up:

Aldo de Jager.

Aldo has been signed up by his brother. He never gets beyond his opening line.

Surprise.

It would be a surprise if you weren't here for once.

Do you have to work again?

No, I'm live action role playing. -Oh, nice.

Hi, I'm Aldo.

So now you know what you have to scream tonight.

You just say: Aldo.

Yeah, Aldoooo.

Yes, thank you.

Hey, work hard.

Eefje.

Eefje seems to be a magnet for everything that is wrong in a man.

I've totally had it with all those dating apps.

I just seem to choose klutzes.

I can help you.

What's this? -Gorgeous girl...

but I don't fully understand her answer to question 127.

She wants to date, but she can't because of an older man.

She has answered all 500 questions and I've found a match for her.

Jenny de Beukering.

I think I'll have the chicken satay. -Battery farm.

Oh. The hamburger, then. -Growth hormones.

The tuna. Yes, I'll have the tuna. -Overfishing.

Cheese fondue. -E-numbers.

Tomato salad? -Fine.

If you like pesticide-sprayed vegetables.

Okay then, I'll just eat the tea light.

Jenny would love to have a relationship, but she's so desperate that she'll date...

...the most unusual types.

And then we have Bob Flinck.

Bob has been single for seven months and is struggling to get back on track.

He's on the apps and he goes on dates, but...

Hey, Rob, is this going to take much longer?

It's just not working.

Bob. -What?

You keep saying 'Rob', but I'm called Bob.

That's all very well, Rob, but it's time to finish this off.

But you still haven't fully...

And, in principle, I also haven't yet...

No, but I'm quite sure that is no longer going to happen.

Hey, just a minute. It always worked like a charm with my ex.

Oh, yeah.

Then I now know exactly why she is your ex.

It would be cool if you could stay this evening, or all night.

What?

There is still such a lot to do for the dates tomorrow.

And you can show me what you're capable of.

The whole night? -Yes. Do you want this job? Or not?

I'll order pizza. I'm not a slavedriver. They can go in there.

Don't you have to get home? -Why?

Because you have someone waiting for you. A man, a woman, whatever.

Bruno and Boris.

Two men?

Goldfish.

I'm far too busy for a relationship.

Strange. -In what way? Why? Then what?

Well, relationship therapist slash sex counsellor...

...meets singles mentor combined with a dating and break-up coach...

...yet, you don't have anyone.

A hairdresser doesn't cut his own hair.

And it seems that you can stay out the whole evening?

Yes, I had a relationship for two years, but I've been a happy single for a year.

'Happy'?

Yes. I am open for something. If it happens it happens.

I like the spontaneity of love.

That you just meet someone and: bang.

Okay, so the results come in, you've matched them up, and then?

Then comes the best bit.

Then I plan the date and I send them the invitation that says:

Blind date. From the first drink to the last cup of coffee.

I have a really great lifestyle

Even my coach tells me so

And yet that really great lifestyle on a selfie, it doesn't really show

What is this?

I look so over-the-top here

Who'd want a girlfriend like me?

I have a moustache and is that a double chin I see?

But he is out there

Just not in my vicinity

Wait for me

I hear many people say that I have it all, lucky chap

I don't see 'All' on the photos that I need for the dating app

It simply can't be explained

Oh yeah, that's just the thing

I have it all, yeah: a strange mouth and the start of a zit on my chin

But she is out there

And perhaps even in the vicinity

Wait for me

And it can sometimes be depressing

But I keep on second guessing

What is the right man?

What is the right woman?

When it starts to get to me

My thought is: every date could be

Another chance, because maybe I'll meet you

Wait for me

Yeah, so they sing, too. Don't you think that's lovely?

For those who don't think it's lovely: brace yourself, they do it more often.

Life's just much better if you sing.

Oh, heavens. Girl, you look like you have to go to the gallows.

You have to enjoy it, don't you, because it's your birthday present.

Normal mothers give their daughter a litre of bubble bath.

You should be glad you don't have a normal mother.

Don't get me started. -It's just a date.

Have a nice bit of sex again.

Mom. Mom. Oh, just the mention of that word.

I'm scared to death and that word doesn't make it any better.

If there's something I don't want to talk about on a first date...

You shouldn't talk about it. You should just do it.

I hope I can keep that laugh under control for once.

That will just happen naturally. It'll be all right.

Any way, you know what to do if not. Don't you?

That's going in my bag.

You should also get on it. -Tell me about it.

On one of those apps, I mean.

That's not for me. What are you going to wear?

This.

Oh, Jenny.

I'm just being myself.

Will you stop doing that?

Timing was never your strongest point, was it?

Just before a date. Is this really the right moment...

...to give little Aldo a firm handshake?

'Little Aldo'? Godzilla.

Yes. That's yet more information I could have done without.

Hang on. I've a bit of puke in my mouth.

Bugger off with your spunk cloth.

What? Isn't it good?

Well, my orientation is having a ball. -Why's that? Isn't this lovely?

Hetero porn, I don't think I'll ever understand it.

How you do it with all that...

What do you want? -I came to see how the flag is flying.

Well, it's now at half-mast. -In terms of dating, little bro.

Do you have some clean boxer shorts or do you want to borrow mine?

I'm going commando. They love that. -I didn't sign you up for nothing.

Take it easy. -Are you going to wear something nice?

No. I am what I am. What you see is what you get.

That's what I was afraid of.

For goodness' sake, use some of my eau de toilette.

Why?

Now it's more: 'what you smell is what you get'.

I'm going to start doing up the attic tomorrow.

Then you'll have your own entrance, more privacy and still be close by.

I don't know, Dad. -Your mother would have wanted it, too.

We'll talk about it later, okay? I have to get changed.

I still think this is a strange story.

Someone who doesn't know you and he offers you this?

You don't have to do anything in return? -I'm just having dinner with someone.

You never know what could happen.

That girl next door also just went for dinner with someone.

A month later she was pregnant.

And that child looked like a cross between Big Bird and a hot dog.

Can you imagine.

Hello. Hey, hello, sweetheart. Hello.

Hey, can Bezem come for another week with mummy?

Can Bezem come for another week with mummy, hey? Hello, hello.

Now's not a good time, Suus. -Don't be silly.

I'm soaked to the skin. Can I borrow something of yours?

Yes, there was a time when mummy was always welcome.

Now suddenly daddy won't allow it. What's that all about?

Suze, I have a blind date.

Why are you having blind dates? -You didn't want me anymore, did you?

So why are you so surprised? -I think it's kind of something.

How long ago was Barcelona?

Seven months, six weeks, three days. -Wow.

More or less.

Well, you don't forget that quickly, do you.

So, how's it going with that tortilla?

Gilberto. -Yes.

That is something totally different. -Because?

'Because?' Gilberto showed me every corner of the room.

But that doesn't mean that you should start dating.

I thought you had such a good connection, the same sense of humour.

That you could have a real laugh with him.

When he shows me every corner of the room, I sure have a smile on my face.

That doesn't mean that you should go on a date.

Why not? Clearly I wasn't good enough.

You said it yourself. 'You're neurotic', you also said that.

'Boring and drab' I also said that.

What else did I say? 'Dry. Dull. Restricted.'

Hey, get real, man. Jesus.

I know when I'm too much, you know. Hey.

No one frowns like her

No one talks like her

No one is so keen at playing Catan as her

No one is quiet like her

Or tells things like her

No one can enjoy a yelling match as much as her

As her

Sweetheart, come on. Let's go in. -No, Bob. No.

I'm not going to a stupid musical. I'm in Barcelona.

This isn't just any old musical.

We'll be playing this in 1.5 years with Spot On. How nice is that?

Not nice. Not at all nice.

Dear Suzanne, will you please marry me?

Of course...

...I will not marry you.

And what now?

Now? You're going to see that musical and I'm going to sit at a pavement café.

Isn't life better when you sing?

No one is quiet like her

No one talks like her

No one breaks so much in me with just one kiss as her

As her

You are like an animal. You know, like...

Are you sure you don't want me to give you a lift?

Dad, it's only a date. -Just a minute. Here.

Take this. Here. There you go. For just in case.

What is that? -Pepper spray.

Get real. -Just take it.

Come on. Just take it. Then I'll feel more reassured.

Okay. Well then, bye. -Bye.

Jenny de Beukering, that's me.

Hi.

Smile then. -Okay.

Don't. Don't laugh.

Hold on.

This is the Bible, the fundamental law book.

Their answers to the 500 questions are in there. Are you ready for this?

Yes, sir. Yes. -This is dead serious. Watch and learn.

Then you can show me what you're capable of with the other couple.

What is this for, exactly?

My daughter thinks I need to be on one of those apps and they want a photo.

Don't laugh. Never laugh.

Yes, of course. Toilet freshener. Ha ha, that's all I needed.

So, Simone Kleinsma.

Willeke Alberti.

Well, Anita Meyer. Isn't that nice? Here, click.

I look like one of those shrews with a protruding jaw.

Bob.

Bob, hi. Welcome.

Hi, Bob. -Nervous?

Yes, I am now, just a bit. -Hi.

It's always exciting, seeing each other for the first time.

Need to pee, sweaty palms, dry mouth.

Sweat is gushing down my crack. -Healthy pre-game tension.

I feel like a boxer about to go in for the fight.

So: bam, bam.

Bob. -Fuck.

This is your date, Jenny. Jenny, welcome.

Welcome to the first evening of your life together.

Oh, jeez. Hallelujah, what have we got here?

That hair is good. I'll give it a nine.

The eyebrows are a bit messy here and there. A six.

Nose is also clean. Yeah, a seven.

Those eyes.

Yeah, it has eyes, but that's all that can be said.

A bit dull. Seven.

Mouth is nice. Eight.

Those headlights, they'll be fine. I'm sure. A seven.

For now I'll just look here.

This is a typical example of a saddle bag.

Unfortunately, a five.

Yeah, so I make that, I just have to work it out...

...let's see, nine, seven, six, a seven.

Seven minus.

Oh, jeez.

What should I make of this? Oh, what a strange nose.

Weird neck, too.

With all respect, but this is a giraffe in glasses.

Those glasses, oh.

That's triple glazing.

The eyes are nice.

There was a band aid on that, I think.

A little too close together, maybe.

Very thin on top.

It's all just a bit...

...boring. A bit musty.

As sexy as a...

...dish rack, with all respect.

Hi. Bob.

Strange wet little hand.

Jenny. Nice to meet you.

She smells like toilet freshener.

It's always very... This is so weird, isn't it? Don't you think? A first...

Before we... Right? -Yes.

So. Hey. Did she just laugh or is she choking?

Oh, that laugh.

I know. It's a cross between a manic goat and a fire alarm.

Well. And now your phones. -Excuse me?

Didn't you read the rules?

I don't give my phone to anyone. -It's take it or leave it.

It's this or a life full of sad Tinder dates...

...pathetic Lexa coffee dates, miserable Inner Circle drinks evenings.

Okay. -It's up to you.

Very good. So, I'm Roos.

That was a bit awkward, right, that introduction.

Yes. I've never had a good right hander before a date even started.

Sorry. Are you okay? -Yes.

Jenny, what grade would Bob have given you?

Excuse me? -Well, 'grade'.

Yeah, Bob is a numbers man.

I'm not going to give her a grade. Isn't that a bit churlish? Common?

It's very churlish, very common. But you did it.

Those 500 questions. I know you better than you know yourself. Go ahead.

I didn't give her a grade. -Bob.

Seven.

Well, there you go. That's just fine, isn't it?

I'd have been extremely happy with that for my graduation thesis.

Minus. -What?

Seven minus.

Always better than a six plus.

This works two ways, right, Jenny?

No, I don't do that. I don't give grades.

No, no. You always have an opinion ready...

...and then add 'with all respect' to it...

...to come across as a bit decent. Come on, tell the truth.

Go ahead. I can take it.

Okay. Well.

I think you're boring. -Okay.

Frumpy. -And as sexy as a...

Dish rack.

Did you say 'dish rack'? -Yes.

Why, exactly, are we doing this? -You don't mean that.

You're still swiping. Even without your phone.

Quickly passing judgement is fine when ordering a pizza...

...but not when you want to meet the love of your life.

And to break that habit of swiping, I'm now going to give you...

Hands out.

A slap on the wrist. Come on.

Hello. -Hi.

I'm here for... For the you-know-what.

The blind date. -The blind date. Yes.

Yes. Eefje, isn't it? -Yes. That's right.

I knew it. -You?

Him? You can't be serious. This is a mistake, isn't it?

No, it sure isn't. Aldo, this is Eefje. -Eefje.

Do you know one another? -Yes, I sure do know her.

Do you know him, too? -I'd rather not, but unfortunately, I do.

We belong together.

This is a joke, isn't it? On a date with him?

That's nice, isn't it?

I'd rather have a root canal treatment with a rusty knitting needle.

Not good?

I'd rather drink from the bottle bank. What kind of two-bit company is this?

Roos said that she had a feel for this. Now I'm stuck with this...

Handsome guy? -Keep on dreaming.

Young god? -No.

I'm not going to spend a whole evening with this sad case.

You are in the Bible. -Excuse me?

You are both in the Bible.

Okay, I'm going. -No. Why?

'Thou shalt not kill' is also in the Bible...

...but give me two minutes and a knife and it's sure going to happen.

Wait. Listen, Eefje.

You heard what he said, didn't you? It's in the Bible.

Okay. I'll make you a deal. We'll have one date, tonight...

...and if it turns out to be nothing, you'll never see me again.

Not even in the coffee bar? -Not even in the coffee bar.

Deal? -It sounds like a good deal.

Okay, deal.

Can I have two vodka and tonics?

Of course. A vodka and tonic for the lady and the gentleman.

No, those two vodka and tonics are for me. Give him a milk shake.

I gave your hair a nine, you know. So... -Don't worry about it.

A seven is fine.

Seven minus.

Seven minus. Yes. No one is perfect, are they?

You must have heard that you have a strange neck before?

No, never. -You haven't?

No, I've never heard that before.

Oh. Well, let's just say it's not your strongest point.

Bob. -Yes, I already know that. What's this?

Let's start again. It can't be any more embarrassing.

Yes. -I'm Bob Flinck. I'm 39.

I'm Jenny de Beukering. I'm 41. Yes.

Er... a numbers man? -Yes. Well, I work for a bank.

A bank? How nice.

A bank. Boring.

I said so, as sexy as a dish rack.

Tell me about bank types. All the humour of a tax return...

...and as groovy as a cremation. I...

Oh, I'm doing it again. Roos is right. I'm swiping.

I can't help it. This is what single life does to you.

Dismiss it and try again.

A bank. How nice. -Yes.

Yes. And what do you do?

I'm in the hair business. I have a dog grooming salon. 'Trimsalabim.'

God forbid. Yuk, a dog grooming salon.

They're all old women wearing pink bodywarmers...

...that sit in a shed in the garden with dirty, wet dogs...

...going backwards and forwards with an electric razor.

'Trimsalabim', how do you come up with that? Not very original.

Roos is right. I'm judging again.

How terribly nice. Trimsalabim, so original, too.

And have you studied, because you talked about a thesis?

That's right. Economics.

Just like you, I also used to work for a bank.

But after seven years, I had a burn-out, so...

...I left to do something that made me happy.

Hair. -Hair. Yes, hair.

And him. -'Him'?

Him and hair.

Her. No, a little joke. Ignore me.

How's it going here?

It's very important that they have fun.

This has to go well. These two have so much in common.

Just look at them. It'll work out.

They've run out of things to say, I'm afraid.

Yes. I can see that, yes.

'Contact with Women.' Seriously? Give me that.

I'm more than a chapter in your stupid book, pal.

I'll be totally upfront with you.

I always compare the plusses and minuses.

And in your case, it doesn't come out so favourably.

So there are plus points.

Plus point. Just one.

Is it Godzilla?

Most people think Godzilla is my biggest plus point.

Your biggest plus point, Albert... -Aldo.

Whatever. Is that one brain cell that prevents you...

...from shitting at the side of this table like a Neanderthal.

So much for the plus point.

Your telephones, please.

I don't have mine with me, otherwise my dad texts me all night.

I also don't have it with me. Otherwise my brother texts me all night.

Okay. Then this is for you.

It's a treasure hunt.

Cool. -How old are you? Six?

Okay. So you want to go out with me.

Definitely. -Great.

Do you see that man over there? That's my father.

He is totally convinced that on blind dates...

...only fast-talking horny letches show up with bad intentions.

Goofball. -So in your case he's absolutely right.

It's just a case of being overprotective. And your mother?

She died two years ago. -Then I understand him, yeah.

That's funny, by the way.

How is that funny? -Well, because...

My father also died when I was young.

When I was going through puberty, my mother was a bit like your dad is now.

What shall we do about this, Eefje Wentelteefje?

First of all, never use that name again if you are fond of your front teeth.

Clear. But I can help you. -How?

By showing your dad that two people can have a normal date...

...without it immediately turning into hot, steamy, all-consuming...

...masterful sex.

You know, that: 'Aldo, Aldo.'

Trust me.

What? -You just have to play along a bit.

Yes, indeed, yes. Just babble along with me.

Go. -Oh, yeah.

Okay. It's time for: Dilemmas.

Just say the first word that comes into your head. Are you ready for this?

Thailand or Italy?

Come on, quickly. -Italy.

Hawaiian Pizza or a Big Mac?

Hawaiian Pizza.

Family or friends?

Friends.

Cuddling or sex?

Sex.

Sorry. Sorry. -No sex?

Jesus. Again. Sorry. Sorry.

No sex?

Yeah, right. As if it means nothing. Three times.

Sorry, Bob. Sorry.

It's just... I can't...

It's...

It's that word.

What should I call it then? Humpy pumpy? Jig sawing?

Getting laid? Bonking? -Oh, my god.

Naked yoga? -Oh, my god.

Grouting? Filling a hole?

That was lovely.

I haven't finished yet.

I'm not frigid, you know.

I just want that to be said. I am not frigid.

I like it a lot. -Okay. Clear.

But that word...

This was Rianne's idea, by the way.

The idea is that it calms me down.

Okay. And who is Rianne?

A therapist.

I can get a bit anxious. Had you noticed?

Well, hardly.

And there are things that make my anxiety even worse.

I guess you've already heard me laugh?

I think the whole of Amsterdam has heard you laugh.

See what I mean?

Yeah, that.

It's like a sheep treading on a drawing pin.

When I'm anxious, I laugh...

...and that makes me even more anxious. A nightmare.

Hence the therapist. But I'm not crazy, okay.

No. I've also been to a therapist, you know.

Yeah. When my relationship failed...

...I also enjoyed talking to a therapist.

Relationship?

Yes, I was in a relationship for a really long time.

I was almost married even. -Oh. Not totally?

Well, no. Not at all.

No. Yeah. Another life. That's the way it goes. Ah, well.

Right. -Have you had any long relationships?

Relationships yes, but never long.

I totally understand why.

How come? -Well, I don't exactly...

...fit in or whatever.

And I guess I don't understand relationships.

Or maybe I don't understand men.

If I'm not feeling good about myself...

...a dog just has to rest its head on my lap and I immediately feel better.

Why can't any man do that?

That's funny. Bezem always does that to me, too.

Bezem?

Yeah, that's our dog. Or... my dog.

The ex. -Yeah.

Fancy a go? -Should I?

Bob. Jenny. Hi.

Well. A date is, of course, excitement and adventure.

That's why you are now going to hit the road.

Oh, where are we going? -Surprise.

I think this is really exciting. Being followed and all of that.

Is he still there? Secret agent 00-sad. -Excuse me?

We have to show your dad that I don't have any bad intentions.

That his daughter has simply found her true love.

So? -For king and country.

No way.

At least you still have your front teeth.

This is the most romantic spot in Amsterdam.

Really?

Apparently, if you sail under it and kiss...

...you will have a long and happy marriage.

Is that so? -That's what they say.

The longer I look for it, the more I ask myself...

...what it is that I'm looking for.

Sometimes, I really no longer know what it is exactly.

What? -Love.

I don't know what it is, but I can tell you what it isn't.

Really? -Yes.

What do you mean?

Yeah. This.

What about it?

It... Well, this isn't it.

How come? -I... I don't feel it.

Do you?

No.

You keep talking about 'it'. I don't really know what 'it' is.

The click. Just a click. -Oh, that.

Yes. -The click.

I've never had that, Bob, so I don't know when you get that.

Do you get it straight away, or does it come later?

When does it come?

Usually, it's straight away.

If it's not there then...

...it usually never comes. -Okay.

So... Yeah.

Have I offended you? -Offended me? No.

No. I've had fun.

Me too.

And now? -Home time.

Home time, yeah, what else? No. -Hey.

Emergency Services, first aid for disrupted dates.

What's this all about? -Well, Jenny, she...

Jenny, you tell her.

Well... We've decided this isn't going to work.

What do you mean? I decide if something will work.

Excuse me, but we're the ones to decide that for ourselves.

Just shut up. Come with me. Come on.

Look. That's that tower. -Yes.

So that's the ferry we need to take. Let's go.

Come one. That's the ferry we need.

What? We have to go to that tower.

Do you have water in your ears?

Hold on. -Yes.

Yes. Quick, quick.

Who says that you can decide this for yourselves?

Well, we're grown-ups. Of course we can do that for ourselves.

Oh, is that so?

You aren't on a blind date because you can make good decisions.

It's because every decision you've made up to now hasn't led to anything.

Sorry, Roos.

But it's just not there. Thanks for all you've done. Really.

Yes, that goes for me too, but I'm going home.

No. You aren't going anywhere until I know where this went wrong.

According to my calculations, this date should lead to a marriage.

According to my calculations, our marriage would result in a drama.

Is that right, Mr. Know-it-all? And why is that?

She's called De Beukering, I'm called Flinck.

Jenny Flinck-De Beukering, so Jenny Kick Ass.

I'm going home. -No. Stay right there.

You match in pretty much every way.

You are a greater certainty than tax or death.

But there's simply no click.

No what? -No click.

There's no spark. -No, there should be something.

Something. 'Boom.' That. -Flash.

I don't feel well.

Can we have our phones back? -Fine.

They're inside.

Captain.

Captain.

Sail on. And don't stop. The whole route.

Hey. What's going on? -No, no. Stay there.

No. -What are you doing?

This is Blind Date, from the first drink to the last cup of coffee.

I keep my promises. You're only allowed to leave when you see what I see.

And what do you see? -A 100% match score.

She certainly isn't 100%.

Enjoy your meal.

I think I'll go to the movies. -What?

Well, my dad has gone and when I get home I can say that it was lovely.

That you behaved like a gentleman. -No, I don't think that's right.

You're pulling the plug before we've even taken one bite of food.

Get this. I don't want to eat with you. -Okay. Fine. Then we won't.

I'll see you tomorrow morning, in the coffee bar.

And the morning after that, and after that, and after that, and after that.

Yeah, right. I get it. -And after that, and after that.

You still owe me 15 euros. -Because?

For that book that you threw in the champagne cooler.

Do you know what that cost? -15 euros apparently.

14.50 actually.

Why that 50 cents extra? -For the emotional damage suffered.

Now I have a huge dilemma. -And what's that?

I'm starving but I don't dare to go up there alone.

Something to do with heights. You've already paid for it, you know.

Oh, I must be mad. Okay. Up to the roof, right?

Dilemmas.

Movie or musical?

Movie. -Cuddling or sex?

Sex.

Certainty or challenge? -Challenge.

Really? -For sure.

Okay. Then I have one for you. -Out with it then.

I'm not telling you.

Right, that's easy. -I'll tell you what you get in return.

And what's that? -A kiss.

Where? -On the cheek.

Yeah, right.

Lips. -How long?

Three seconds. -Fifteen. At least.

Five. -Thirteen.

Seven. -Twelve. With tongue.

With tongue: no. Ten, last bid.

Deal. -Okay.

No. First you have to do the challenge, idiot. Come on.

What is it then?

Come on.

Hup. Sit down. -No.

So. You said you liked a challenge, didn't you?

Yeah, ten shots in a row, that's a challenge.

This is pure suicide.

No, no, wait. Twelve seconds. With tongue.

Come on. How bad can it be?

Okay. For 12 seconds, with tongue. -Yes.

I'm scared of heights. What don't you get about that?

Just keep breathing and think of angels.

Look at that.

Twelve seconds with tongue, twelve seconds with tongue.

This is so cool.

Are you going to puke? Are you...

Hawaiian pizza.

A pizza is just a pizza, but a Hawaiian pizza is just...

A holiday feeling. -Right, exactly that. Yes.

Favourite colour? -Green.

Favourite drink? -Gin and tonic.

Favourite music? -Musical.

Seriously? You? -Yes. Is that so weird?

Yeah well, you don't really expect that in a man. A straight guy.

Certainly not when he works for a bank. -All preconceptions.

What's more, it doesn't really matter as we'll never see each other again.

Bob Flinck is in musicals.

Bob the banker is in musicals? -Spot on.

That's what our club's called: Spot on.

Every Tuesday, every Thursday: musical.

Go ahead, laugh. Laugh at me. -Laugh?

Why would I laugh? You can sing and dance.

I think that is so attractive.

I even have a solo.

Yeah. I've been given a solo in the next show.

When I decide to go ahead a spotlight comes on in my head

I feel totally fantastic

With a quiff and leather jacket

This is Grease, yeah.

I find life too much, too full, so I'd rather take on another role

I'd rather prowl through the night in a cat suit with my tail upright

Miaow, Cats. I'm a doggie person, Bob.

Even on a birthday I notice it doesn't stop

Then I'm orphan Annie, scrubbing floors until I drop

Bob, that's a bit scary, it could even be illegal.

It doesn't matter if my voice has no ring

Life is so much better when you sing

If my day is far too dull, I turn into Jean Valjean

I languish in his suffering preferably as a Frenchman

Even at the bank time after time I grab my chance

Life is so much better when I sing and dance

That's Les Misérables. That's my all-time favourite.

Life is so much better when I sing

Then I feel so much more at home

Because I'm someone else, and oh

I'm even someone I don't know

Who fills the theatre with my show

I think I'm so much better when I sing

It saves me from the grey, dull monotone

I sing and dance, if nothing else so I don't have to be myself

That helps me breathe, I hope this doesn't make you groan

And what's wrong with Bob Flinck?

It's not so very exciting, is it? -Don't be silly.

So you do one to cancel out the other?

Bob is Bob. That's also Bob Flinck, good with loans and credit...

...but also at singing and dancing, right? I couldn't do that.

Of course you could. -What?

Do you want me to sing and dance? No, Bob. You really don't want that.

When I dance, I look like a cross between a power surge...

...and a mini stroke. That's not going to work.

Everyone can dance. -No, Jenny can't.

Jenny too.

Jenny can't. -Jenny can.

I can't even count to three.

Bridge. Lie down.

Well, better out than in, right? -Yes. I'm ready now.

Yuck. I'm not going to kiss you when you've just thrown up.

But we had a deal. I did it.

Twelve seconds, with tongue. Come on. -No, no.

Just a minute. Here, your next location. -Oh, nice.

I hope this one is on the ground floor.

Yeah. No. We shouldn't do it, Aldo.

Excuse me, what? Thanks, Ollie.

Perhaps I'll see you sometime in the coffee bar. I still owe you 15 euros.

I don't think so. A promise is a promise.

Twelve seconds. A promise is a promise.

Good luck with your dad.

By the way, if I were you, I'd just be honest.

He just wants what's best for his daughter. Right?

I'd just calmly explain to him that he's just pushing you away...

...by breathing down your neck like this.

Thank you.

And if you're ever looking for someone else to breathe down your neck...

...or in your face or wherever you like, I hope you know where you can find me.

Now, that is so gross.

And so sweet at the same time.

Eefje, stay where you are.

I think this is puke.

Or I've been covered in bird poo by the biggest seagull in Western Europe.

Eefje. Oh, Eefje. Don't walk away.

Geurt Geurtema speaking.

My god, have you ever forgiven your parents?

I'm on my way. I'm nearly there. The next location overlapped, so...

Eefje and Aldo have already left. -Nice. For the next location?

No, left. -Left, where to?

Left, left. Just gone home, I guess. -Gone home? What the fuck, Geurt.

We're still in the middle of the date and you let them escape?

That's simply what it is. -You're not taking this seriously.

I do, but there's nothing more to do.

I don't know if you are suitable for this job.

Well, I don't know either. You know what? I'm done with it.

Just listen to yourself. You talk about 'escaping'.

As if love is a prison and you're the jailer.

I was really looking forward to this, Roos. To Blind Date.

Because the world could do with a bit more love.

But you seal it up so tightly...

...that it dies before it has any chance to blossom.

And do you know what, Roos...

...perhaps love can't be captured in models and questions and percentages.

Have you ever thought about that? I quit.

Good. Because you are the worst assistant that I have ever seen.

I can do this all on my own.

Actually, I'm an independent, autonomous woman, Geurt.

I have everything under control. Everything.

So goodbye, Geurt Geurtema, with your stupid, fucking name.

I'm quitting.

What? -I'm quitting.

Quitting what? -With those dating apps.

From now on, I'm Jenny. Just Jenny.

Dog groomer, nervous as hell. With a laugh that shocks the world.

Okay, that's good. Then, I'm just Bob.

Bob Flinck, from the musical. -With the strange neck.

Better to have a strange neck than no neck at all.

Well, you can also pay me a compliment, you know.

Okay. Well...

Jenny, on closer examination, I think your headlights...

...are a good eight.

Jesus. -Both of them.

Jesus, Bob.

Hey. We're back to where we started.

I'm a grown-up. This is the first day in a month I do something for myself...

...and even then you follow me everywhere I go.

By the way, how do you know where I am?

Your pepper spray.

There's a tracking tag on it.

Dad, get real. -I know.

I know. But I promised your mother...

You'd look after me. That's right. But isn't this a bit over-the-top?

I also think it's awful that mom is no longer with us.

But I can't take her place. -Come here.

Get changed first, please. I'll see you at home.

I'll give it some thought.

Oh, it's locked.

Well. I'm kind of done with all this.

Wham bam. -That's symbolic for this evening.

Here you are. -Thank you.

Oh, no. Don't do that. -Why not?

It's better to leave me alone. Don't sit there.

Why not? -You'll catch it too.

What will I catch?

Bad luck. -Huh?

That everyone deserts you.

That you are left behind totally on your own.

I'm alone all the time. That's why I came to sit here.

I've never seen you here before.

You're fresh meat for me. -No, don't do that.

Really, there are enough fish in the sea.

Not for me, mate. Not for me. Oh no.

All the handsome fish are taken. I have to make do with what's left.

Oh. And that is...

A miserable deep sea fish with bulbous eyes and prickles.

Well, thanks. You still have a bit to learn about romance.

Well, romance. Don't talk to me about romance.

That's all bullshit. Bullshit.

'Loving Ibiza', 'Loving Bali'.

Loving I don't know what.

All of them are shit films, for sure. -Shit films.

Those young babes, in their twenties...

...and then a beefcake comes along, you know.

He gets off with her. -Yes.

No one ever gets off with me.

I'm such a bad father. -Why's that?

What kind of father stalks his own daughter?

What kind of mother sends her own child on a date like some kind of pimp?

Right.

Sweetheart, get us another drink, will you.

I'm Adrienne, by the way. -I'm Bastiaan.

But call me Bassie. -Okay.

What? -You can't be serious.

Us two. -What about us?

Bassie and Adrienne. The TV clowns.

It's funny, isn't it? -Hilarious.

I'm laughing my balls off.

So, that was that, then. -Yes.

Right... -Okay.

Yeah. -Selfie?

Yes. I'll take it.

Well, I think I'll...

...get the tram. -Yeah. Yeah. I'm going...

...that way. I walked here, so I... -Okay.

See you. -Just go for it, Jenny de Beukering.

Bye. -Bye.

I always dread when it beckons

My New Year's Eve is never a good start

Counting down those last ten seconds

I join in the chorus, but it always cuts through my heart

The fingers go round like clockwork

I see couples in a loving scene

But with the first bang from a firework

I sheepishly look around

Look down at the ground, but what does it all mean

It's five to twelve

Someone is waiting: that's on my mind

Until I find him everything is five minutes behind

It's five to twelve

Even though my life seems like a ball

The fingers on the clock haven't moved on at all

What I feel at that moment, among all those people I've known

I'm starting to exist again

Another year alone

The hen parties are hard to handle

A single, yes that's me

The others shout out loud: it's a scandal

And someone scores after the fourth Long Island Iced Tea

My mother's questions always seem to be the same

As if I never tell her anything

She's complaining about me again

She says: girl, take your time, it's really not a crime

Just blame your mother

But it sure feels like it is

It's five to twelve

I try to put it all behind me

But the world around me doesn't fail to remind me

It's five to twelve

I'm losing track a little more and more

Where is the line we draw between single and an old spinster

With a trail of failed dates behind me

And yet those dates still keep me in the zone

The hope for something

Even though I'm still alone

What are you doing here?

I've no idea. I was in the pub.

Oh. Did you dig up anything nice?

I believe I did, yes.

We even went to his house. -Mom.

I even sat with him on the sofa. -Do I want to know this?

Yes. There's nothing to know, because suddenly now I'm here on the sofa.

Whatever happened in between those two sofas: I've absolutely no idea.

I wish my date had gone like that tonight.

What happened? Wasn't he very nice?

Oh, he really was.

Did you kiss?

Laughed?

Oh, Jenny. I told you: don't laugh. Never laugh.

He was really nice. -Really? Was he?

According to the dating bureau we had a 100% match.

Really?

So? -So, nothing.

Hassle with his ex.

All men are insane. -Yes, or piss drunk.

Jenny, I guess we are the only two jars that don't have lids that fit.

Well. Are you staying over?

Hey, Bezem. Hey, pal.

I've been trying to call you all evening.

What are you doing here? You knew I had a date, didn't you?

Don't tell me it was so nice you couldn't answer your phone.

Well, to be honest: actually, it was.

I've had a run-in with Gilberto. -A run-in? What about?

What do you think? -How should I know?

About you. -About me?

I realized when you were going on a date tonight with...

Jenny. -Jenny?

A dog groomer in a garden shed is called Jenny.

What a terrible name.

That's not nice.

I just thought:

We could try again just one more time.

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, Bezem really, really wants it too.

One kiss.

Yes.

Hey. Yes.

That's a good boy.

Yes, good boy, good boy. Good boy.

Did you just say good boy?

Are you quitting? -Yes.

This jailer of love is hanging up her keys. Yes.

I rambled on a bit, but to pull the plug straight away...

Bob and Jenny had a match score of 100%...

...and I still didn't manage to get them together. That says a lot about me.

No, that says a lot about how complex love is.

Are you going to tell me what love is all about, Mr. Happy Single?

If my parents had filled in your list...

...they might have managed a match score of 10%.

In a month they will have been happily married for 35 years.

There was no matchmaker involved.

Look at me. I'm a laughing stock.

I'm a sort of relationship therapist meets sex counsellor...

...slash singles mentor and dating and break-up coach...

...and I'm as single as hell.

Everything sticks, even on a jellyfish, but no-one sticks with me.

Use Jenny and Bob as a test case.

Test case? -Yes. 100%.

100%, Roos. If you can get those two together, you were absolutely right.

Jenny and Bob.

Bob and Jenny.

But how?

FLIGHT TICKET AMSTERDAM / BARCELONA

We're going away for the weekend.

Hey, I've booked it.

That's a shame. No Hawaiian pizza. -Hawaiian pizza isn't pizza.

It's a bit like a piece of apple pie with grilled sausage.

Dos paella por favor.

Suze, I really don't want paella.

Order something Spanish. You and your Hawaiian pizza.

We're in Barcelona. -Yes, exactly.

Sorry? -I must be mad, after the last time.

Exactly. I told you: order something Spanish.

Tapas. -I feel like a hamster in a wheel...

...that keeps on running, round and round.

He keeps ending up at the same point and I've already been there 100 times.

I don't want that. I don't want to end up there again.

Are you dumping me?

Yes.

Yes, I think I am. Yes.

Hi. -Hi.

Hey. Let's go and play Barbie at mine.

Then you're Ken and I'm the box you come in.

You're Ken, I'm Barbie and I'm the box you come in.

Do you get it? 'Box' means two things, right?

Hi. May I...

Musical. Question 341. Musical.

A really lovely seven minus.

Hi. -What's all this?

This is aftercare and curiosity and embarrassment.

Oh, I'm not quite with you.

What happened that evening? -What can you remember about it?

That I was sitting on the sofa.

After that I managed to get an address out of you...

...and I put you in a taxi. -So there's nothing...

No, no, no. Neither of us was in any fit state.

Can we maybe just start again? But then normally.

Do you like the theatre? I have tickets for a musical.

Yes, but I can't sing.

Neither can they. They're amateurs.

Okay. Yes, nice. Nice. -Well. Thank you.

When does the shagging start?

I'll let you know as soon as the time comes.

Hello. Hi. -Hi.

And who's this? -This is Adrienne.

Hi. -Bassie and Adrienne, the TV clowns.

Yes. -Yes.

I love that. -Me too.

Yoo-hoo. Jenny.

Mom. What are you doing here? -Bastiaan had tickets.

So, this is my daughter, Jenny.

Nice to meet you. -You too.

You look fabulous, girl. -Well.

Really. And you're showing off your assets.

Bro'. -Hey.

You're going to be great, man. -Yeah, I know.

But that doesn't make me any less nervous. Is it straight?

Perfect. I have even better news:

I've got that room in the East End. -That's great.

So you and Wouter can move in together.

Move in together with Wouter? -Yes.

That bitch stood me up tonight. With a fucking text.

So really, you can stay longer. And if I ever see him again...

...then Wouter will be floating down the Amstel in six bin bags.

Six?

Hello. -Hello.

Look at you. How are you?

Wow, that's a grown-up opening line. You're starting to learn.

How are things with your dad?

Good, I think.

I'm living on my own again. -Oh. Why?

I'd become stuck in my ways, in my life, at work.

I've quit the boat job, too.

Ah. I'll miss that outfit.

No, this one's also lovely. I'm also moving house.

House warming? -What? At yours or mine?

Oh, just a minute.

There you are.

That's 5.50 too much.

For the emotional damage.

And the coffee you're buying me at the interval.

So, is that it then? That 'bang', that 'boom', that 'flash' Bob talked about?

But I might be wrong.

So, we're also sitting next to each other.

What a coincidence. -Or is it fate?

No, I'm never wrong.

See love as a musical and give them all a show

Dare to sing, dare to dance and then we'll swing just so

Sorry. I've a weak bladder.

Sorry. Small bladder. A really teeny weeny bladder.

Come on.

'From the first drink to the last cup of coffee. Greetings, Roos.'

No-one ever said when the last cup of coffee had to be.

Love remains uncertain, it is a carrousel

Still, you always find someone if you play the game well

So get on and take a ride, and put your fear aside

So, there you are.

It worked.

What are you doing here?

Bob works for the same bank.

He'd put a flyer up in the canteen.

So Blind Date is still going ahead?

I don't know. Bob is singing and Jenny is in the audience.

A wise man once told me that from now on, it's all up to them.

And now?

Home, I guess.

To your goldfish? -To my goldfish.

Is that not good?

No. -Sorry.

No, it's perfect. -Woah. Woah, woah.

Sorry. -Wow, that suddenly went too fast.

I shouldn't have done that. -It went very fast.

I thought that you meant... -Suddenly.

Coffee tomorrow? -Coffee tomorrow.

Okay.

Love remains uncertain, it is a carrousel

Still, you always find someone if you play the game well

So get on and take a ride, and put your fear aside

Wait.

Stop a moment. Sorry.

Er, yeah, so there it is, my solo.

I've been working up to it for the last few weeks.

Then I'm up here doing it and I think: I don't want a solo.

I don't want to be alone. I want to be together. Together with someone.

Jenny.

Oh no. -Jenny.

No, Bob. I really can't. -Please.

Come on, I'll help you.

But I really can't do that. -You can, I'll teach you.

Go on. Yeah, go on.

Oh, my god.

Yeah, yeah.

What do I have to do?

Follow me. -What?

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa

Look out. Here it comes. Two, three, four.

See love as a musical and give them all a show

Dare to sing, dare to dance and then we'll swing just so

And you'll think: oh, singing together is your thing

Life is so much better when you sing

When you sing

When you sing

Come on, jump.

Yeah.

Everyone is looking for it. Really. You too.

Only no one knows what it is. Love.

No one can catch it. No one can control it.

What if the code can be cracked?

What if you could predict who belongs to who through 500 questions?

Fill in the questionnaire and find the perfect match.

Welcome to Blind Date.

I've walked through many a dark day

Slowly opened my eyes along the way

And if I can have my say: I learn something new every day

Thanks to the space I could claim and count on

Those dark days are now gone

And if I can have my say: I again feel free

I want to live life

I want to live life

The life of you and me

What if you were thinking that you owned everything

That your heart desired even more than it required

Later it became clear it was just a thought, I hear

The truth was so different, not even near

Everything changes

I've walked through many a dark day

Slowly opened my eyes along the way

And if I can have my say: I learn something new every day

Thanks to the space I could claim and count on

Those dark days are now gone

And if I can have my say: I again feel free

And I want to live life

I want to live life

The life of you and me

One hand for the confidence in me

One hand building it up slowly

And if I can have my say: I learn something new every day

One hand for the confidence in me

One hand building it up slowly

And if I can have my say: I again feel free

I've walked through many a dark day

Slowly opened my eyes along the way

And if I can have my say I learn every day

Thanks to the space I could claim and count on

Those dark days are now gone

And if I can have my say: I again feel free

I want to live life

I want to live life

The life of you and me