Original subtitles

Let's go.

Doc.

She has no recollection

of the last eight years.

Bring it on.

I came here to help you.

"Kitchen Nightmares"

Are you in.

And "Going Dutch"

Pew pew pew.

First guns I've seen on the base.

Let's go, let's go.

All available now.

[tires squealing]

[car honks]

You are not going to die today.

Look, it's just a rattlesnake bite,

and it wouldn't be an issue if we had anti-venom

in the truck's cooler instead of your variety pack

of Otter pops.

God, if I kill my work husband.

I'm not your work husband.

I will never take another, Frank.

We have the anti-venom. Got every kind we could.

So, feel free to also sit on a jellyfish.

[lays on horn]

I think I should suck out the poison.

I don't think it works that way.

But if there's even a one percent chance

that it does, I should try.

[brakes screech]

We're at the rendezvous. Where are you guys?!

We are almost there.

Heads up. Uh...

my field of vision isn't what it used to be.

His field of vision isn't what it used to be!

[Patel] We're coming. Hold on, Frank!

[sucking sounds]

Can you guys hurry?

Shred is using more teeth than the snake did.

[Shred spits]

[sucking noises]

And tongue.

♪

[Emily] Look alive, people.

Fiona Holcomb will be here in 15 minutes.

Lifestyle brand maven, potential donor,

and my personal hero.

I need everyone looking busy, but not frantic.

Okay, just busy. But not frantic! Okay?

Everything has to be perfect.

Bettany's out getting pastries.

Did you guys memorize your scripts?

- Yeah. - Wait. Scripts?

Yeah. Everyone got scripts.

Shred, this is a huge deal.

We could get funding to finally create an adoption space,

and... and we need it. I mean...

those animal meet and greets out back by the dumpster

are a real bummer.

And you don't even have to deal with the creepy old man

who keeps offering to adopt me.

Yeah, sorry about that.

And I'm completely off book.

Maya and I ran lines this morning at breakfast.

That's so great. Is that where you got that

hot sauce stain on your uniform?

Could you maybe change into a freshie?

Oh... yeah.

Thank you.

Hey, why doesn't Frank have to partake in this

well-intentioned charade?

I gave Frank the day off.

He can be a little, um... spicy around rich people.

Yeah.

All people, really.

Hello!

Oh, Fiona! Hi.

You're here and you're early.

- Yes. Hello. Hi. - Which is perfect for us.

Hi.

Come on in, this is our bullpen.

The beating heart of our operation.

And... and these are some of our best officers.

- Now? - Yeah.

Supervisor Price, I have those updated numbers

- for you to review. - Great.

Adoptions are up in every category,

and so is morale.

Some say you can't measure that with a number,

but we sure do. 100.

Also...

Also, uh... we're rescuing more animals off the streets

than ever before, which leads to our number one issue.

Overcrowding.

Thank you.

- [whispers] Shred. - What?

Yes, and, um...

because of that, sometimes we have to fit

multiple dogs in a kennel.

And during kitten season, we... have... to...

fill our drawers with kitty litter.

- No, we don't. - How is that?

No, no. No, we don't do that.

There's no poop in our drawers. The desk or the pant.

Right.

Wow. Well, I appreciate the effort

that went into that presentation.

[laughs nervously]

There's a sweaty sincerity at play.

I wanna see the rest of the precinct.

Who's gonna show me around?

- I could... - Shred.

Yeah. Me. [laughs]

- Right this way, mom. - Hello.

Thank...

- Ma'am. - Thank you.

What is happening?

- Hi. - Hi. Hi.

- Officer Patel, please hold. - Fiona, great to meet you.

- Sorry, lots of calls. - Hi.

Oh my God. She's amazing.

So hot!

I only have a couple notes before she comes back.

But that was so great. Wait. Frank!

Uh... hi. What are you doing here?

I'm going for a hike on my day off.

I'm getting my thigh weights,

otherwise it's just an uphill walk.

Uh-huh. Uh... but, you know, you're so strong already.

Uh... why don't... why don't I walk you out?

Let's get you on that hike.

[chuckles] Get on the mountain.

Something's going on.

What?

Why is Patel in a clean shirt?

Oh, I eat nude now.

And who took down the X-ray of the dog

that swallowed the sex toy?

What are you hiding? I want answers.

Nothing. Nothing's going on.

I brought the scones and the clotted cream.

Oh.

Yeah. Okay, Frank, just get in my office.

[kicks drawer]

So, you're just gonna send me away on a 20-mile hike?

You weren't gonna hike that far.

You're right. First half, hike. Second half, full sprint.

Hiding me away so you can tap dance

for some hoity-toity loidy?

Are you trying to say lady?

I thought today was my day off, so maybe my zingers

aren't quite zinging yet.

The truth is, I've noticed you get a little prickly

around people who have money.

I mean, remember that woman who you made cry because she wanted

to buy a purebred King Charles Spaniel?

Yeah. We don't have royalty in this country.

You want a spaniel, you get an American Cocker.

We threw out the British and their dogs.

It's a dog, Frank.

Yeah. A dog with terrible teeth.

♪

Muscle Mojo Energy Drink.

Brands keep sending me stuff. Officer Thumbs is blowing up!

Look... the 'gram's now counting my followers in the K'S.

K's, Victoria.

Wow.

- [dance music] - Thumbs!

Yeah, you've shown me that one.

[laughs] I could watch it a million times.

Well, don't forget us little people when you become

a big time influen... wait.

The second ingredient listed is colloidal silver.

Oh, that stuff is awesome.

Do not take it if you're ever thinking

about getting pregnant.

- Ever. - Okay...

[Bettany] Patel. You're gonna wanna sit down.

I'm in my truck. I'm... sitting down.

[Bettany] Officer Thumbs has been asked

to throw out the first pitch

at the Everson Small Stallions game tonight.

[radio static]

Please hold my calls, I need a few seconds to process this.

[Bettany] I don't take your calls.

Is this a... a big thing?

When I was a kid, I used to stand on piles of laundry

and pretend it was the mound at Everson Stadium.

And now...

can you actually, uh... film this?

I wanna put it on social.

Make sure you can see the label.

[recording starts]

When I was just a little boy...

in my immigrant parents' home...

No!

[Frank] I can be charming.

Look, I'm sorry, but we need to raise money.

So, I need you to be a team player

and just stay on the bench for this one.

A team doesn't bench their star player during crunch time.

Look, we need to focus, take it one game at a time,

and I can keep this analogy going all the way

to the playoffs.

Thank you, Bettany.

Frank! Hey.

I thought you had the day off.

I do, but when I heard that the Fiona Holcomb was visiting,

I had to swing by.

I'm a huge fan. It's an honor to meet you.

That's very sweet. And you are?

In shorts.

[both laugh]

Frank Shaw, senior officer.

So, uh... what's next on your agenda?

Uh... Shred was just gonna take Fiona on a ride along.

- Yeah. - You should join us.

I'd love to!

But I defer to our supervising officer, Price.

Permission to put on pants and join them?

[laughs]

Permission granted.

Alright.

- Great! Oh. Excuse me. - [cell phone buzzing]

Oh, sure. You know, take your time.

I'm just gonna talk to these guys,

do a little team management.

I swear to God, if you screw this up,

you will be on kennel cleaning duty until you retire

a sad and broken man.

Too late. I'm already sad and broken.

Okay. Hey, can I jump in?

Frank's gonna knock this one outta the park, I can feel it.

Oh, really? So... so you're vouching for him?

Totally.

Are you sure about that?

I think so.

Okay, done.

You vouched, so you're on the hook.

Wait, what does that mean?

It means you're on the hook.

She can't define a word with the word.

That's one of the rules.

Ehh. It is what it is.

What does that mean?

♪

No matter how long I do this job,

I'm still amazed by some of the calls we get.

A couple of months ago, we rescued a chatty parrot

who later helped convict his owner of murder.

No!

Yeah, we pretty much do it all.

Oh, I must remember to get someone to call you about

this coyote that's been lurking around my property.

Okay. Yeah. Um...

usually we can only pick them up if they're sick, but...

yeah, we can totally take a look at that for you.

- Thank you. - Right, Frank?

Well, it seems a little early in the ride

to compromise ourselves and remove an animal

from his native habitat.

Fine.

I'll just wait for it to eat one of the neighbor's kids.

[Shred laughs nervously]

On the hook, dude.

Sure, we'd be happy to come by and violate the public's trust.

And when you come over for the coyote,

would you mind checking the pool

because Magda says there's a dead rat.

Oh, we don't do dead rats.

Oh, Frank, if we're already there, I think we...

It's sanitation.

I am just messing with you.

[laughing]

I don't have a dead rat.

I just knew if you freaked out about the coyote,

you would definitely freak out over a dead rat.

Okay. Teasing the driver.

A, uh... favorite pastime of thieving aristocracy.

Oh, I think you'd like my driver.

He wears micro shorts too.

[laughing]

Okay. Hello. I love it.

You know, it's teasing, but it's right on the line.

Good.

[cars honking]

What is that stuff? My eyes are watering.

Deep Heat rub. I'm on the mound in four hours.

Gotta grease the cannon.

There he is!

Mixed breed Wolfhound. Red bandana.

Nice.

[dog groans]

[phone ringing]

Ah... it's the events coordinator for the Small Stallions.

We've been trading calls on some VIP stuff.

Do not take that call.

Listen, you've got this.

He's got a bandana on, he's gonna be a good boy.

Outlaws wear bandanas too. And gang members.

Hey, Deb.

Listen, I have a question about some parking.

Alright. Hey!

[dog barking]

Can I park in the players lot?

Patel!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're sending me a car!

- Come on! - [Patel] Like, to keep?

[Victoria calls after dog] Hey, big boy...

Oh, right. [laughs] No, of course.

- That's still very generous. - Ahhhh!!!

So, listen, I also wanna talk about my walk-on music.

Yeah, the thing is...

[Victoria] I want a new partner!

Yeah, that's not really my brand.

[groans] Oh, man...

Something's eating all our fish.

And whatever it is...

I heard it rustling in the bushes over there.

Well, I hope he doesn't have a koi intolerance,

or this could get messy.

Frank... it's gotta be Oreo. I can feel it.

Sorry. Oreo is this runaway zoo penguin

that we've been trying to catch,

and he duped me at a water park.

Gosh, that sounds personal.

I'm gonna run back to the truck and get the mackerel

I bought with my own money. Alright?

I'll be right back.

And hey, Frank? Frank.

Okay, so... transparency is one of my core values,

and I feel like there might be some tension between us, Frank.

Shut up.

Well... precisely.

No.

Alligator.

Oh... my God.

Stay close and don't make any noise.

[squeaking] Oh my God!

[squeaking] Oh my God!

A little quieter.

Shh.

[Alligator grumbles]

[whispers] That's an alligator.

Yeah. Don't move.

Where did it come from?

People get them as pets and then they ditch them

- when they get too big. - [Fiona yelping]

Like, MMA fighters. Guys in ponytails.

University of Florida enthusiasts.

You're... you're very calm.

It's cool. It's just a gator.

[alligator grumbles]

[whispers] Oh my God.

Alright.

This first pitch... just lob it in there.

No. I need to throw heat.

Garrett Wargo is pitching tonight.

I wanna impress him.

As season ticket holders, you and I have seen

hundreds of first pitches.

Which do you remember?

The guy with the car dealerships had a heart attack.

Yeah, because he tried to throw it too hard

and blew his ticker.

Hi!

Oh... What's with the, uh, Lego hair?

This is car wax with a 20,000 mile guarantee.

It's not coming out in one show...

could... have you done the paperwork on the Wolfhound?

My, uh, pitching arm... same as my writing arm, so...

You are being such a diva!

Diva's a little extreme.

To be fair, earlier, you did toss the truck keys at Victoria

and said... [snaps]... she's out front.

What?

Officer Thumbs wouldn't even exist if I hadn't pushed you

in front of the camera, just to do something nice

for you and your daughter, who I don't really like.

Alright. I'm sorry.

The last thing I need is drama in my entourage.

Going backwards, man.

Too true.

Thank you for the mirror, Bettany.

I have been a diva.

Yeah.

How can I make it right?

$1,350. Venmo.

The specificity of that number

makes me worried you're not okay.

You know what, I think I've got the perfect thing.

Better than money, trust me.

I doubt that.

Let's do this, Bettany.

Alright, remember... just real simple.

Lob it in there.

Utterly forgettable. Nailed it!

Hi, Fiona.

How's it going out in the field with our fantastic officers?

Already dropped her back at her office, boss.

What? No, no, no, no, no!

I didn't even get to share my proposal with her.

It's comprehensive.

I had to order a special binder for this.

Wait. What happened?

Nothing. I think Fiona was very impressed with Frank all day.

Yeah, she was.

Eww. Why do you sound like that?

[Emily] Uh... yeah. I'm not liking that one bit.

Um... Shred? Hi, Shred. Tell me everything.

There's nothing to tell.

[Emily] Might I remind you that you're on the hook?

So, tell me the truth right now,

and I will grant you total immunity.

Frank may have mentioned that he flirted with Fiona.

Shred, I'm gonna kill you.

Frank, I am going to kill you!

Yeah, okay. Listen.

So, I flirted with her a little bit, but you know what?

That's only gonna help us get her on the board,

so, you're welcome.

For what? Potentially crossing the line

with the woman whose brand is female empowerment?

Exactly.

Oh, trust me, there was a vibe.

A vibe?

Yeah, a vibe.

You're gonna have to take my word for it.

Well, we don't have to take your word for it

because we have body cam footage.

[gasps] Yes! That's right.

[chanting together] Body cam! Body cam!

Body cam.

Terrific. I trust my body cam's body of work, everybody.

Hope you guys are fans of British-American

romantic comedies, because this is the Notting Hill

of body cam footage.

Okay, just let us watch it, you ick.

[Fiona] I feel like there might be some tension between us.

[Frank] Shut up.

[gasps] Whoa!

That is no way to talk to a Forbes cover girl.

Wait, did you change?

You changed. Are you dressing like her now?

What? No. Maybe.

Look, everybody knows that flirting

is 90 percent pheromones.

[Fiona] Ooh!

[Frank] And try not to make... noise.

Where did it come from?

Well, uh...

[static]

[Fiona squeaks]

[Frank] They get too big... ditch them...

Why does it sound like a janky drive-through order box?

Shh!

[Frank]...with ponytails... fighters...

[static]

[Fiona] Oh my God!

Clearly, this is the worst depiction of what happened.

The production values are terrible.

They never even show the leading man's face.

Camera doesn't lie, Frank, nor does the microphone.

Okay, maybe...

Maybe I misread this.

Oh, no, no. Um...

Hey. Hey, Bettany?

Did you connect with Fiona's office?

Just got off with them.

And they said they'd be in touch.

And to stop calling.

[scoffs]

Our funding is gone.

This is why I didn't want you involved.

You flirted her away, Frank.

Okay, I did capture a giant alligator.

Nobody wants to see that footage?

No, we don't.

Okay, what he meant to say was, I'm sorry.

Well, now the both of you are gonna be sorry,

because now the two of you are on the hook.

What happened to total immunity?

Oh, I lied to induce a confession.

Welcome to the real world.

That was an awkward interaction.

As you might call it, Frank... a vibe.

♪

Come on.

This could've been a PDF.

[Fiona] What are you doing here?

Hi. Uh, I was just, uh... in the neighborhood.

[Fiona] You have to press the button for me to hear you.

Uh, hey.

Listen, I hope I didn't make things weird for you before.

Anyway, uh... my boss said that, um...

Oh. So, I guess...

Alright.

[Announcer] And now, to throw out the ceremonial first pitch,

please give an Everson Small Stallions welcome

to Officer Thumbs!

[crowd cheers]

[crowd cheering]

[Announcer] ...and Guest.

Woo!

Listen to that. I told you it'd be incredible.

There's nothing like the validation

of random strangers.

So, I thought this was gonna be lame,

and definitely not worth $1,350.

But I have goosebumps!

I wouldn't be here without you, partner.

Wargo! Listen, bro.

Yeah, I'm probably just gonna lob it today.

I'm not gonna bring my heat.

Alright. Now, listen.

Don't let the crowd amp you too much.

Nice and easy. Alright.

Don't need that.

No, you're supposed to start over there.

Victoria, what...

[Victoria grunts]

[crowd cheers]

[laughs] Whoo!

[crowd chanting] Guest, guest, guest!

Yeah!

What the hell was that?

I played cricket growing up.

Rainbow.

I can't rainbow it now. Now I gotta bring the heat.

[crowd cheering]

[crowd cheering]

Thumbs!

[ball thuds]

[crowd gasps]

[gasps]

Wargo? Medic! We need a medic!

[crowd booing]

[Victoria] Patel, what did you do?

Wargo?

I gotta say, I never thought that dropping off a binder

full of euthanasia stats would lead to sex.

Don't take this the wrong way, but...

I don't know why I just did that.

Let's be honest.

The countdown clock started after you saw me

in those high-performance shorts.

Everything we did was in spite of those shorts.

[whispers] How dare you.

You're obviously not my usual type.

I don't know, it was sort of... Sort of a vibe.

- Yes! - Yes.

- Yes. - Yes.

There's a vibe.

There was a vibe. There is a vibe.

Maybe that's something, if it comes up

in casual conversation, you could share.

Oh... I think we should maybe,

definitely keep this on the down low.

You wanna hide your working class funboy?

I don't want to make... things... weird,

but would you mind just... signing something?

What? Oh. A non-disclosure agreement?

Think I'm gonna sell our story to some weird gossip site?

Animal control officer wrestles lifestyle shark to completion.

Twice.

I don't even know your last name.

- Okay. - Okay.

Alright.

There you go.

You forgot to initial.

Oh. Yes.

A sexy end...

Thank you.

To a sexy evening.

It was.

But before I go... here.

If you could take a look at this.

My boss worked really hard on it.

Please don't put that on the bed.

I'll never be able to get it off.

I'll sum it up for you.

People suck. Animals are awesome.

They deserve our protection.

I'll think about it.

Thank you.

Uh... get back here.

Oh, you know, usually I get an hour break.

Taking advantage of the working man again?

Again.

Everyone, I have amazing news.

Fiona called me back, and she's joining the board.

[cheers]

Yay!

Oh, and she wanted me to tell the team that she thinks...

uh... animals are awesome and they deserve our protection.

So, it's not really the most profound statement, but...

It's kinda profound.

I had a feeling it would all work out.

Frank, Fiona told me that you stopped by her gate

and almost broke her mail slot.

Really? Uh... those are her words?

Yeah. Why are you blushing?

I mean, you went to her home? That's not cool.

Yeah, it's not cool, and I actually had no idea about it.

So, permission to be untethered from my partner.

I was only there to give her a large package

which was warmly received.

Ew.

The binder.

Honestly, thank God you did, because I'm sure

that she read it, and that's what sealed the deal.

Way to go, Emily.

And again, I'm very sorry for my partner's behavior.

You don't need to apologize. I played my part.

The part of the Night Stalker.

Boss saved you on this one, Frank.

You gotta admit it.

Hey, does this mean that we are officially off the hook?

You are in the clear.

Yes! Yes.

For now.

For... for now. Wait. Wait.

Sorry, Emily. How long will that be?

Emily, how long is now?

I can't believe you went to her house.

What happened?

I really can't talk about it.

It's fine.

I'm sure I can read all about it in the restraining order.

Just us.

I'm the reason Fiona joined the board.

And I literally charmed her pants off.

Oh!

Oh, I forgot you had an ear infection.

I'll get you some drops.

Whew!

Well, my sponsors said they were pulling their endorsement.

I didn't think they would be so literal.

Officer Thumbs burnt fast and hot.

Just like the pitch Patel threw in the face

of the number one prospect of the Small Stallions.

You guys wanna play a fun game?

Guess how many followers I lost on Insta?

No. Dude, don't do this to yourself.

All of them! Even the bots.

So, fake humans in Europe hate me now too.

[phone ringing]

Oh, no. It's the team calling. Do you think Wargo died?

Hey, Deb. How's our guy doing?

[exhales]

Yeah, girl. I see you too.

Oh! ICU.

Patel...

I... no, I... yeah, I know exactly what that means... Deb.

So, what do you think? You think our guy's gonna

get transferred to the regular CU?

Hey, quick pivot.

Do you think there's any way

I could get ahold of that first pitch ball?

Hmm?

♪