All language subtitles for The Naughty List Of Mr Scrooge 2024

[ominous music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[insects chirping]

[car engine whirring]

[ominous music]

[insects chirping]

[lock clicking]

[water trickling]

Hmm.

[keys jingling]

[chuckles]

Weird. [scoffs]

[chuckles]

What the...?

[ominous music]

[chuckles]

Is it blood? Ugh!

"Dear Mr. Scrooge, what
will Franny Lang do

with all those brains, and
so many things left unsaid

when come Christmas
Eve she has no head."

What the fuck?

Ugh, God!

[tap water running]

Ugh!

[door lock clicks]

[door closes]

[sighs]

Ugh!

[chuckles] Ew.

Hmm.

[phone buzzing]

[Tabby's voicemail] Hey,
it's Tabby. Leave a message.

Tabby, it's Franny.

Sorry I've been a total
flake. Like, work is beyond.

But, hey, I just got
this weird gift tonight.

It's like memorabilia
from Drake U.

You know, uh, like
one of Glen's papers

and, like, other weird shit.

Oh, maybe Chandler's
fucking with me, you know,

'cause I told her I wasn't
gonna go to her stupid party.

[chuckles] Anyway...

are you going to
that? I mean, well...

And has any weird shit happened
to you this week, or...?

Well, look, just, just
call me back, okay?

[fire crackling]

[sighs]

Oh! [chuckles]

Hi, guys.

[water trickling]

[humming]

Hello! [chuckles]

Well, guys, eat up, because
you're gonna get real hungry

when I'm in Palm Springs.

[eerie music]

[screaming]

[Franny breathing raggedly]

[ominous music]

[panting]

Yes, 1128 Lake Circle
Drive. Please hurry.

[music continues]

[suspenseful music]

[door slides]

[music continues]

[door closes]

[lock clicks]

[sighs]

[eerie music]

[Franny screaming]

[Franny choking]

[thuds]

[exhales]

[flesh squishing]

[blood splattering]

[eerie music]

[upbeat song]

There we go. There we go.

Okay, yes, yes. Okay,
both of you lean. Yes!

I love the leg up. Okay!

I'm loving this right now.

We have not one, not two,
but three sexy Santas.

Okay, ooh, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes.

Okay, really use both of
them. Use both of them.

Yes!

[chuckles] Okay, okay,
who's been naughty?

Me, I've been a naughty girl.

[laughing]

[clicks]

- I think we got it.
- Great, thanks, guys.

All right.

- You wanna come look?
- Yes! Let's see what we got.

[gasps] Oh, my God, Tabbs.

These are so amazing.

I'm gonna have so much footage
for the entire holiday season.

My agent and my followers
are gonna love these.

Oh, good, good. I'm
so happy, seriously...

it was my pleasure.

Okay, so you have
to let me pay you.

No, no, no, absolutely not.

Everything that
you've done for us,

getting him signed with
your agent and everything,

seriously, it-it's
the least I could do.

Paying dues for
your boyfriend...

Aww, what a kind and
gentle giver you are.

Look, seriously, just
please don't allow yourself

to get taken by
the takers, okay?

You have to save some
love for yourself, girl.

[chuckling]

[song continues]

- Seriously, you look gorgeous.
- Thank you.

Holiday happy hour
over the hill.

Calling all sexy Santas.

- You in?
- I am in.

[chuckles]

[inhales]

Oh, gosh, he's not the
brightest tool in the shed,

but he is the gift
that keeps on giving.

- Uh-huh.
- Girl, Merry Christmas

to you and to me.

[both laugh]

- You have fun, okay?
- I will.

- Bye.
- Bye, I love you, girl.

[laughs]

Uh, hey, excuse me, what was it?

- Uh, Tabby?
- Yeah.

You got a great
eye and great eyes.

[chuckles] Has anyone
ever told you that?

Hmm... actually, only
my boyfriend has, but...

you haven't even seen
the pictures yet,

um, m-mister...?

Uh, Jonathan Rose, but you
can just call me Jonny.

Oh, okay, Mr. Rose.

[Jonny] Maybe I could
take you for a drink

and you could show
me the photos.

Hmm, or maybe you could just
take a look at them right here,

because I do have them all...

right here, and I personally
am a big fan of transparency.

Hmm. [smacks lips]

You know what? I
might take it back.

It's amateur hour,
if I'm being honest.

[laughs]

Hmm. [chuckles]

- Who's being naughty now?
- Hmm.

[Franny's voicemail] Look,
maybe Chandler's fucking with me

'cause I told her I wasn't
gonna go to her stupid party.

Anyway, are you going?

Or did any freaky shit happen
to you this week at all?

Just call me back, okay?

♪ Shine, shine! ♪

[Franny's voicemail] Hi,
you've reached Franny Lang.

I can't get to the phone
right now, but leave a message

and I'll call you back.

Uh, so did she say what
was inside the gift?

No, she just said
that it was weird.

Is she going to the reunion
thing your friends are having?

Hmm, I guess not.

I don't know, maybe
I won't go either.

What? Why not?

I thought you were looking
forward to seeing old friends.

No, I mean, honestly, I just

I wasn't really
expecting Chandler

to actually like go through

with the whole
dumb reunion thing.

We haven't seen each
other since graduation.

Then shouldn't it be fun?

Yeah, I suppose it would be

about as fun for me as
Christmas is for you.

Uff, whoa, okay.

I mean, that's not really fair.

I mean, my mom died giving
birth to me before the Holidays

and yours is like a fun
college reunion party.

I mean, can you really
compare the two?

I'm sorry. It's just...

[sighs] Yeah, the end of
college was just, it was rough.

So I've been just kinda
scared to go back.

- So I'll go with you then.
- No, you, you won't have fun.

Sure I will.

Plus you're always there for
me, so let me be there for you.

We'll go and face
your fears together.

- [Jonny] It'll be an adventure.
- Okay, fine.

And if it sucks, we
can leave. No regrets.

Okay. No regrets.

And if it is fun,
we get Scrooged.

Did you really just say that?

[both laugh]

[upbeat music]

[door closes]

Hey, pulled the car around.

- You ready?
- Yeah.

I almost forgot my
Secret Scrooge gift

for the gift exchange.

Ooh. What's in there?

- Bah humbug.
- Uhh...

Oh, my gosh. You really
are a bah humbug.

He had it right.
Christmas sucks.

[smacks lips] Ooh, but I do
love chocolate covered cherries.

Okay, well, that is
actually part of the gift,

which you cannot have
because everyone loves them,

so people are gonna
be killing each other

over who gets to
have them first.

A holiday bloodbath.
Now that I can get into.

- Oh, my gosh.
- [laughs]

[lively song]

♪ I've got a feeling
all December long ♪

♪ There's gonna be
a party goin' on ♪

♪ Let me hear you
say Christmas ♪

[man vocalizing]

♪ Let me hear you
say Christmas ♪

[Jonny] Wow! This is incredible.

[Tabby] Yeah, this
house was built

at the turn of the 20th century.

It's been in her
family for years.

[car doors open]

[car doors close]

[crows cawing]

Babe, you okay?

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
- You don't look fine.

There's just something I kinda
wanted to talk to you about.

There's something that
happened back in college

with my-my boyfriend.

Whoa! [chuckles]

Is your ex-boyfriend
gonna be here?

Um, no.

- [door closes]
- No, but it's just like I'll...

[grim music]

- Tabitha Banks?
- Tabby.

You can call me Tabby.

- And you are?
- Jonny. I'm Tabby's boyfriend.

We weren't expecting you.

Do I know you from somewhere?

- Tabby, you came!
- [door closes]

- Chandler! [laughing]
- Wow.

You have now changed to the
perfect picture of innocence.

Oh, and you look
amazing, as always.

I know. Can you believe I
don't use any Botox or fillers?

Would you believe I sleep
in a deep freezer at night?

Very therapeutic.

Mm-hmm. Who is this
handsome devil?

- Oh, this is my boyfriend.
- Jonny. It's nice to meet you.

Tabby finally has a
boyfriend again. Wow!

Nice to meet you.

Well, thanks for hosting us.

This place is really cool.

Yeah, only Tabby didn't let me
know she was bringing anyone.

Sorry, I probably
should have told you

ahead of time that he
was gonna be coming.

[laughs] Guys, I'm totally
kidding. The more the merrier.

No, the Crisp Family Chateau
is your family chateau.

Oh, all right. I see
you already met Marty.

He's our on-site house manager.

He can get you
anything you need.

Marty, I think their
bags are in the car.

Yes, and, uh, please
make your way inside.

The wind is picking up.

We're expecting a bit
of a ground blizzard.

Ground blizzard?
What-what's that?

It's when a harsh, cold
wind picks up all the snow

and blankets the
ground with black ice.

Reminds me of when
my mom comes to town.

[chuckles]

Come on.

Oh, uh, I'm gonna
grab our bags, okay?

Yeah. Okay, I'll
meet you inside.

Wait, wait, wait. It's cold.

Tabbs, do you remember when we
met as froshes at Gamma House?

Oh, my gosh, I do.
How could I forget?

I think you said you wanted
to give me a makeover

because I was, um, uh, too
much like a-a-a freshman,

virgin freshman flower.

[laughs] Yeah, I-I... you did.

And you still do, somehow.

And what I actually said
is you look too much

like a fragile flower to fuck,

but you're way
fuckable now. Really.

Oh, well, I'm-I'm
so glad to hear it.

[Chandler chuckles]

Uh, Marty, bring their
things to the oak suite.

- Here, babe, I can take that.
- Yeah. Uh...

Wow, is she always this brash?

Oh, you should have heard her

when we were in a
sorority together.

Thank goodness that's over.

Okay, you two, come
with me. [chuckles]

[grim music]

Please ignore all
of the curtains.

My grandmother put them up

when they wanted to
renovate the place,

but then they only made
it as far as remodeling

the front foyer,
so now here we are.

And these are the back stairs.

You can get directly to your
guest quarters from them,

and there are a lot
of hidden passageways

all over the chateau.

I don't advise you try
to get through them.

You could get lost,
never to be found.

[snickers]

Hey, look who's here.

[soft piano music]

- Tabby, you came!
- [laughs]

Oh, I can't believe you're here.

You back home after
all this time,

it's like a dream coming true.

Gosh, Kelsey, it's so good
to see you, oh, my gosh.

And Tucker, oh, my gosh.

- You sexy beast.
- Come here.

Oh, LA's very becoming
of you, too, beautiful.

Hey, remember when
you promised me a baby

when Chandler's eggs went bad?

Well, news flash, they've
always been rotten.

[laughs] So I'll take
you up on that offer.

Okay.

If you're not gonna
give me an orgasm,

I'm not gonna give you a baby.

Oh. [chuckles]

How are you? How's your heart?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You're not gonna do this
whole deep dive shrink session

until after dinner.
It's been a long drive.

Okay.

Tabby, who did you
bring with you?

Oh, my gosh, I'm so
sorry, I'm so rude.

This is Jonny, my boyfriend.

Jonny, this is Tucker,
and this is Kelsey.

Jonny, it's nice to meet you.

I can't believe I haven't
heard anything about you.

I would have come to LA
to meet you in person

if only I'd been asked.

I am so sorry, I know, it's,
it's the last two years

are just a whirlwind. Um...

You know, just since starting
my studio and everything.

It's fine. Just miss my bestie.

And plus, we're
still pretty new.

Yeah, uh, very cliché.

I'm an actor, and we
actually met doing headshots

a couple months ago.

Now here we are, spending
the holidays in bliss.

[music continues]

And that's exactly why we are
getting the old Drake Crew

back together, to get caught up.

All right, who wants
some champagne?

I will take some champagne.

[Chandler] Hmm,
guys, this is Roma.

She's not only a
very talented chef,

mixologist, but a
professional in heavy pours.

Someone has to put you down
at night. Cheers. [chuckles]

Yeah! Cheers. To old friends.

- [glasses clinking]
- And old flames?

[Chandler] Funny.

You never called
me your girlfriend

when we were in school,
and look at that.

He brought his fat bat.

Take it everywhere with me.

Just in case someone
wants to play ball with me

and Jack Frost in the snow.

[music continues]

- Tabbs.
- Hi.

- How're you doing?
- I'm good, Julian.

- Good to see you.
- Yeah.

Hey, Julian Cortez?

You pitched for the Gators?

Yeah, back in the day.

You didn't tell me you went
to school with someone famous.

- So, where's study buddy Franny?
- [Chandler] She flaked.

She said she had a family
thing, which is BS.

We know that family
doesn't celebrate. [scoffs]

Tabby, do you still talk to her?

Yeah, sometimes. Um...

She actually called me a
little bit earlier this week,

- but I missed her.
- Hmm, well, boo on her.

At least you came.

Hey, I came all the
way from Orlando.

- Can I get a little love?
- Oh, you're so cute.

[laughs]

Yes, thank you all for coming.

I know that that was a
big trek for everyone,

with the exception of
Kelsey, but I figured

we were all gonna be
home for the holidays

so that Grandma Chateau

might be the perfect place
to celebrate our ten-year.

And you're right. Perfect
place to die a horrible death.

Actually, people havedied here.

- Wait, what?
- [Chandler] Oh, you didn't know?

My grandmother killed my
grandfather in this exact room

six years ago to the day.
Hung him from a tight noose.

- Still so full of shit.
- No, no, no.

I actually remember my
grandma telling me about this.

Your grandma, she
was manic, right?

Yes, total manic.

And my grandfather was
a narcissist, so...

Hmm, apple doesn't
fall far from the tree.

[Kelsey] Seriously?

Your grandma murdered your
grandfather in this house?

No. But she really wanted to.

[Kelsey] That's not funny.

If you're gonna pull
your stupid old pranks,

I'm gonna leave right now.

Kelsey, come on.
That was college.

I run one of the most
successful med spas

that Chicago has to offer.

Trust me when I say
I don't have time

to pull petty little
pranks anymore.

Cue trap door opening, sucking
us into eternal holiday hell.

Hmm. I like this one.

Now then, if people
wanna finish their champs

and get settled in,

we are going to
start with tea time.

That's T for tequila
here in the tea room.

And then, uh, that's at 6:00.

And then at 7:00,
we are going to have

a Secret Scrooge gift
exchange in the den.

And then dinner in the formal
dining room at 8 p.m. sharp.

Questions? Comments?
Congratulations?

All right. I'm gonna go
get ready. Let you to it.

If anyone needs help
finding their room,

Roma can show you to it.

Wow! You still smell the same.

- You gonna show me my room?
- Oh, that's easy.

It's at the top of the stairs,
the smallest room to the right.

Farthest from mine.

[music continues]

Is it too late to leave?

Trust me, I've been trying
to escape this place

for a while now,

but it'll be too dangerous
to get on the roads now

or anytime tonight.
It'll all be black ice.

Oh, no. Honestly, I think
he was just kidding.

Jonny's just not really
a big fan of anything

that's like fun or Christmas.

You call what we're having fun?

If you ask me, do what I do.

Simply sit back and
enjoy the horror show.

[hammering]

[wind whistling]

[Jonny] You think it's all
right I didn't bring a gift.

I'm not much on gifts
or holiday spirit.

Well, then you definitely
should have brought a gift.

Actually, that's why we
even came up with the whole

Secret Scrooge exchange,

'cause the gifts are
supposed to be very un-merry.

Seems like the
theme around here.

But, uh, hey, uh, I
did bring you a gift.

Did you now? No, Jonny, come
on. We have to get ready.

Oh, I came all this way for you.

Don't I get something in return?

Mmm...

[chuckles]

[both laugh]

[tea bubbling]

[wind whistling]

[eerie music]

Marty?

Is that you?

[door closes]

Marty, are you down here?

[music intensifies]

[gasps]

[chokes]

[pleasant music]

Martini? I make
'em mean and dirty.

- I'm good, but thank you.
- Got tequila shots if you like.

Mm. [chuckles]

So how's San Fran?
How's practice?

Zero suicides, eight marriages,

five domestic partnerships,
and at least half a dozen

ethically non-monogamous
couple saves. [chuckles]

You're not banging all
of these guys, are ya?

You know I can't
date my patients.

And I'll have you know the psych
ward is not the worst place

for a person to be.
Some thrive there.

Oh, Lonnie bin for the win.

[Jonny] Three years ago, oh,

you had a really great
season, man. Very impressive.

Thanks. Do you
want an autograph?

I can sign something
for you if you like.

Maybe, uh, but for now I think
I'll settle for a scotch.

[Jonny chuckles]

So, Tabbs, Jonny's
quite the catch.

Tell us more.
Give us the scoop.

Uh, well, he is pretty,
he's pretty new to LA.

He moved from Phoenix.

Um, he's been here
for like six months.

But yeah, things have been,
things have been really nice.

We're actually talking
about moving in together.

Wow, with an actor. Good luck.

No, but he's actually
like really good.

No, seriously, guys, like
I help him with auditions,

self-tapes, and he goes in
for callbacks all the time.

I think he's gonna book
something big soon.

I think it's cool.
He's got a great look.

How about you, Kels? You dating
anyone in this little shithole?

You know, there's
not too many options

up here on the mountain.

Well, you should make a
change. You should go to LA.

You always said you were gonna
move there with Tabby, right?

[music continues]

Well, right.

But then your mom got sick and
you decided to stick around.

Which I think it's really
admirable what you did.

Right, yeah.

Now that she's gone.

Well, now I run my parents' old
restaurant, as you already know.

Well, I think it's great
that you took over.

I mean, some of our
favorite memories growing up

were at that diner.

So how about you, Chandler?
Are you seeing anyone?

Oh, yeah, I'm seeing a guy
named Sam, a guy named Jason.

Oh, this very sexy
Italian named Frederico.

- Well, I'm fucking him.
- [laughs]

I wouldn't exactly
say I'm seeing him.

Seeing a lot of
his dick, though.

- You forgot Preston, the PR guy.
- [Chandler] Hmm.

Not seeing Preston anymore.

His friend laid him off, so
I had to stop laying him.

Of course you did.

How about you, Tucker,
Julian, you seeing anyone?

[music continues]

Um, he has a roster
as big as mine,

but he's not dating any of them.

He's holding out
for Prince Charming.

Hey, Mr. Right don't
appear overnight.

Single and very not looking.

[Chandler] Well,
we're such successful

and well-adjusted
adults, aren't we?

What a great time to celebrate

our first Secret
Scrooge in a decade.

- [all chuckling]
- Cheers.

- Yes.
- [glasses clink]

[music continues]

What's with the
Scrooge theme anyway?

Seems morbid, even to me,
and I hate the holidays.

Wasn't it your idea, Julian?

Not to start the party. I just
passed around tequila shots

- and said, "Let's get Scrooged."
- Oh, yeah.

[Julian] Kelsey, you're the one
that worked A Christmas Carol.

Yes, but it was definitely
not my idea. It was Chandler.

[Kelsey] A sick game she
came up with to prank us all

with humiliating gifts

at our Secret Santa
party freshman year.

Okay, I can't help it
if my idea caught on.

I just said Secret Scrooge
because it was non-traditional.

[Kelsey] Yes, well,
not all of us thought

your prank gifts were
funny, even then.

Then you were just
invited by default.

I love you now, but then you
were just Tabby's friend.

I didn't care.

Ouch! Tell her how
you really feel.

Pretty sure Glen hated it too.

[music continues]

- Who's Glen?
- [Julian] Oh...

Glen was my best
friend in college.

He was Tabby's guy too. I
wouldn't worry about him though.

Selfish fuck killed himself.

Adios, Glen, dumb motherfucker.

[Chandler] Well, adios
to you too, apparently.

Why don't you have
another shot, babe?

Hey, weren't you two
engaged at one point?

Okay, I'm gonna open
a new bottle of wine.

Jeez, Julian, what the
hell is wrong with you?

[somber music]

[chuckles]

Sorry, I was...
trying to tell you...

The part about the suicide or
the fact that you had a fiancé.

[Jonny chuckles] I mean, I know
we haven't been dating for long,

but... holy hell, babe.

What happened?

[sighs] Um...

Glen was on a
baseball scholarship

and then Glen tore his
labrum at practice one day

so the doctor said
he can't play anymore

and, uh, then he lost his
scholarship. It was hard.

He was depressed...

and just angry all the time

and then he-he got let go of
his job at the campus pub.

Uh, he started just
drinking like crazy

and then, um, one night
around the holidays,

Chandler said that he, he
came on to her behind the pub.

[tense music]

So Glen denied it, but I-I knew
that there was just something

that he wasn't telling me.

So I, um, I told him, uh, that
I just needed a little break

just to clear my head.

And then he promised that he
was gonna get his shit together

so we could move to
L.A. in the spring,

but then he just...

[crying] he just
killed himself.

He jumped off the
campus theater roof

right before the annual
production of A Christmas Carol,

which Kelsey had
been working on.

We were all there. [sniffles]

It just felt personal...

you know, just
considering the, the theme

of our Christmas parties
was always Scrooge.

What the fuck?

[sighs] Babe, I am so sorry.

[music continues]

Now I can kinda see why
you didn't wanna come.

[sighs]

Your friends, they... [scoffs]

They're crazy as hell, right?

- Totally.
- [laughs]

- Do you wanna leave?
- With the roads as dangerous

as they are now, I honestly
think that that would be

even crazier than staying.

Okay. Is there anything
else I can do for you?

[mellow music]

You can make me
a very big drink.

[both chuckle]

[ominous music]

- [Jonny] Whoa!
- Oh, my God!

- What the hell, man?
- Um...

I'm sorry, I didn't
wanna disturb you.

And I'm sorry to hear
about your boyfriend.

It must've been... hard.

Uh, yeah, it was
rough. But thanks.

I need to get the fire ready in
the den for the gift exchange.

I'm sure it's gonna be
the highlight tonight.

Bring you some joy
this Christmas.

Uh, yeah, let's, let's hope so.

[music continues]

Well, tea time turned
out to be a total bust.

Only 'cause Julian
spilled the tea.

And bringing up Glen?

Wow! Brings back
some bad memories.

I know, right?

I haven't even gotten
to pull any pranks yet.

Uh-oh. Are you
planning something?

Chan, these urges you get to
induce fear are sadistic and...

Nope. You do not get to
therapize me tonight, bestie.

Just drink up.

[clinking]

[tense music]

[fire crackling]

[Tucker sighs] What is this?

Someone's wish list to Santa?

[quirky music]

Why is Franny's
name crossed off?

What's up?

Oh, Chandler went all
out this year, huh?

Scrooge's naughty list?

Must be one of Chandler's
bullshit pranks, I bet.

With Franny crossed off?

Sadistic.

Sadistic? How dare?

I'm an angel. [laughs]

Wait, did you change again?

Yeah. That was my
tea time outfit.

This is my dinner outfit. Duh!

And whoever wrote this has
great penmanship, but wasn't me.

All right, who's ready
to get Scrooged? [laughs]

Um, so, who moves...
the other gifts?

[music continues]

Wait, so, like, is this
part of the game or...?

- [chuckles]
- Of course it is.

- Come on, Chandler.
- Wish I had.

This is great work. [chuckles]

But these all have
our names on them.

Please, Tucker,
you're in on it, too.

I'm not opening my gift.

There's probably a
dead mouse in the box.

Forget it.

Okay, Tucker,

did you guys do this or not?

I swear on my entire practice,

I now adhere to a
zero tolerance policy

for bringing undue psychological
stress to those I love.

Guys... can we just
open them, please?

[music continues]

I'll go first.

Ooh. Baseball.

How original. [inhales]

What does the card say?

"Dear Mr. Scrooge, get
your very own baseball

by faster than a fox
MVP Julian Cortez.

But since he was also the
cause of the accident,

feel free to take his legs."

Guys.

Hey, what the fuck?
This isn't funny.

I had nothing to do
with Glen's death.

But you were
roughhousing with him

the day that he tore his labrum.

I mean, maybe if you'd stopped
when the coach had asked...

Shut the fuck up, Chandler.

Go ahead. Open yours, then.

[grim music]

Gorgeous goth wrapping paper.

Hmm. [chuckles]

Hmm.

Huh. An apple.

Definitely not gonna eat
it. Probably poisoned.

Really? You should take a bite.

[note rustling]

[sighs]

Out loud, Chandler.

Fine.

"Dear Mr. Scrooge, send a
sleigh with a poisonedapple

to Chandler Crisp,
our Liar Liar,

'cause even when
she tells the truth,

her selfish ways
seek to conspire."

[music continues]

- What does that mean?
- [chuckles] Nothing.

Shitty poetry, at best.

But what'd you
lie about, though?

Nothing. It's bullshit.

Well, it had to be something
about Glen's death.

Oh, my God.

Were you lying about Glen
trying to hook up with you

the week before
he killed himself?

[scoffs]

You're lying.

Look at your face.
Why would you do that?

You made all of us believe
that Glen hit on you.

It was forever ago, and
I was pissed at Julian

for smacking some hot waitress's
ass, and I flirted with Glen.

I-I mean, is that what
you wanted to hear? Okay?

I-I was just trying to make
Julian jealous, okay? I...

[music continues]

I mean, how could I know

that Glen would be
completely unhinged?

[chuckles dismally] Wow.

I can't believe you, Chandler.

Glen and I got
into a huge blowout

because you told me
that he hit on you.

That was the last conversation
that we had before...

I'm sorry. Okay, I just, I,
like, how could I know that

he was gonna swan
dive off a building?

- [sobs]
- Jesus. You're such a bitch.

Fuck you, Kels. Tabby
can fight her own fights.

You are unbelievable, Chandler.

Screw you guys. Open your
fucking gift, Tucker.

It's your turn.

[music continues]

[sighs]

[tense music]

It's Glen's name
tag from the pub.

"Dear Mr. Scrooge, all Glen
ever wanted for Christmas

was a friend when
he needed it most.

Instead, what he got
was a posing Tucker posy

firing him from his post."

It wasn't my fault.

The pub had to let him go.

I was only a shift manager.

You all know that Glen
was drinking on the job.

He couldn't even
finish a shift sober.

And the owner was on my
ass because I was the one

that got him the job
after he got hurt.

What else was I supposed to do?

It wasn't your fault.

Glen was already...

He was already
fucked up by then.

[music continues]

What the hell?

[Jonny] Looks like
an oxygenator.

My-my dad had one of
those when he got old.

"Dear Mr. Scrooge, peddling
through life with a cane,

do you ever find
it hard to breathe?

In the way Glen always
saw Kelsey Klein

despite being a very
good friend indeed?"

[somber music]

[sobs] I was a good
friend to Glen.

I wasn't trying
to get in the way

of your relationship
with him, I...

I only spoke up
because I thought

he was cheating
on you too, but...

Only we know he didn't, so...

[tense music]

- Ew!
- Impressive.

[gasps]

What the fuck?

[Chandler] At least
it's not real.

"Dear Mr. Scrooge, with
the heart of a Grinch

and a Mr. Scrooge's soul,

Tabby Banks is the true
Krampus Christmas monster

who will rip your heart
out and devour you whole."

Okay, this bullshit isn't cute.
One of you needs to fess up.

How would it be any one of us?

We all got the
stupid Scrooge gifts.

Because who else would it be?

Personally, I think
you're full of shit

and you're behind
this entire thing.

I concur with Kels.

Guys, it wasn't me, okay?

Okay, honestly, I don't
really give a fuck

which one of you it is.

All I know is that
we're leaving right now.

Yeah.

Guys... [chuckles]

[gasps] Wait.

Babe, look at the door.

Tabby, can I go with you?

I don't wanna be
here alone with them.

Yeah, of course you
can come with us.

What the hell are these
chains doin' on these doors?

[door lock clicking]

[Chandler] Okay, that
one's kind of on me.

I was just trying to pull a
little prank with Marty's help

while we were doing
the gift exchange,

but the lock doesn't latch.

[lock clicking]

- Huh. Not locked, huh?
- What the hell, Chandler?

Okay, uh, he wasn't
supposed to use a real lock.

I'll talk to Marty, I'll
get him to take them off,

but it doesn't change the
fact that you shouldn't drive.

It's not safe out there.

Just please come to dinner

and... I will get
Marty to sort this out.

No. We're not having dinner
with you guys. Come on, Tabby.

[grim music]

Considering the likelihood
you're behind those sick gifts,

I'll stay for dinner
because I'm hungry.

Okay, well, dinner
will be in 30 minutes

for anyone not feeling too
overly dramatic to attend.

Are you insane? I'm
out of here, too.

How are you gonna
do that? All right?

The roads are still icy even
though the wind's died down.

I drove an off-road
pick-up truck here,

it has all-wheel drive, so
I'll be fine in some black ice.

Hey, have a Merry Christmas.

And a Happy New Year.

[door opens]

[sighs] I'm-I'm sorry
for bringing you here.

You're probably gonna
hate Christmas more now

than you already do.

Trust me, with my family,

I've had worse. You're good.

Should've been smart
like Franny, though

and not come at all.

Yeah, how does Franny fit

into all this, anyhow?

I-I don't know. I mean, Franny,

well, she-she was super smart,

and she had been tutoring Glen.

After the-the injury, he
started drinking all the time,

and then Franny refused
to keep helping him,

so his grades plummeted.

Maybe that's what she was
referring to in her voicemail.

She'd gotten a gift just
like the rest of us.

She was smart not to come.

So what now? I
just, I don't...

I don't wanna be here with them.

Why don't we stay in here
and make a night of it?

And then we'll leave
first thing tomorrow

to your parents' on
the mountain, I'll go

and grab some wine and
grub from downstairs

while you clean
all that crap off.

We can just chill in here. Hey.

[instrumental music]

What did we say?
No regrets, right?

No regrets.

[engine starts]

[upbeat song on radio]

Hey! Hey, who's there?

All right, you motherfucker.

You wanna play,
you little prick?

You connected to my
Bluetooth, asshole?

♪ I'll deck the halls ♪

♪ And notch it up
Santa Clausin' ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh! ♪

[horn honks]

Chandler?

Tucker, this isn't funny.

It's fucking cold
out here. Come on.

[indistinct lyrics]

[Julian grunting]

Shit!

[upbeat song]

- Wait, wait, no, no, no! Ah!
- [thudding]

[heaving]

[groaning]

Shit.

- [metal chiming]
- Please, no...

[grunts]

[food sizzling]

Ah... smells good.

Ah! Jeez, man.

Uh, you scared the
hell out of me.

Dinner will be served in
the formal dining room

in five minutes.

Uh, yeah, sorry

we aren't attending
dinner this evening

so I thought I'd get
us somethin' to go.

If you want dinner,

you may join the others
in the dining room.

Um, okay. What's
with you, man?

You seem to be sweating quite
a lot for this kind of weather.

Well, I've been in front
of the stove all day

since Roma decided
to take her leave.

Take a leave to where?
I-I thought we couldn't

get out of here with
this kind of weather.

Well, I've searched for
her in the entire house

and she's nowhere to be found,
so I guess she must have...

Now, if you'll excuse
me, I need to finish

preparing for dinner.

[grim music]

- [knocking on door]
- Come in.

Hey, Kel, sorry, I was
tryin' to get all this...

sticky stuff off my hands.

Please come to dinner.

I don't wanna be down
there alone with them.

Okay, yeah, I'll, um...

I'll talk to Jonny and see if
he'll come down there with me.

Thank you.

I just... I don't think I
could have handled this weekend

- if you hadn't come.
- I know.

I-I really wanted to see you.

Really?

I know we don't talk
like we used to.

We used to talk
every day in school.

Now we barely text
once every month.

[Tabby] Yeah, I know.
We'll be better.

And I-I know it's not an
excuse, but, um, it was...

it was really hard for
me to come back here.

Not because of you or anything,

just because of all
the memories with Glen.

[instrumental music]

Everything just...

- Just came flooding back.
- Yeah.

Just didn't realize our whole
friendship would turn out

to be another casualty
in Glen's death.

Hey. It's not like that.

And besides, I'm in a much
better place now, okay?

And I would love for you to
come out and visit me in L.A.

- You really mean it this time?
- Of course.

Hey, babe, so Kels wants us to
go and join them for dinner.

Not that we have a choice,
Marty said we have to

if we wanna eat.

Wait, I thought that
Roma was the chef.

Apparently she
left, but all I know

is that guy is weird
as fuck. [chuckles]

[sighs]

[tense music]

Okay, sit wherever
you want and feel free

to complain about
dinner to anyone but me.

Apparently Roma decided to
leave, so Marty made dinner.

Wouldn't get my hopes up.

She didn't say
where she was going?

Who cares? With this ice

probably off the
side of the mountain.

Well, shouldn't we
be worried about her?

We should be worried
about dinner.

I do not know if Marty can cook.

Wait, guys, is it possible
that, like, Marty's the one

who's behind this whole
twisted gift thing?

'Cause I swear I know
it from somewhere.

You do. He went
to school with us.

He went to, like, every game.

Wait, like, like Glen's games?

Yeah. He was a huge fan.

He talked about it all the
time when we were hiring him.

Well, hello, Chandler, don't
you think that connection

is a little bit more
than coincidental?

[whispering] Oh,
my gosh, wait...

No, I-I remember him now.

Marty was, like,
obsessed with Glen.

He used to come to the pub
after every single game

before Glen got injured,
and he would, like,

try to sit as close
to us as possible.

Oh, my God. He was that creep?

[Chandler] Uh, guys,
you don't feel like

that's a little bit of a reach?

Marty has been working for
this estate for over a year.

Okay, fine. But
they have a point.

How else do you
explain those gifts

if you swear it wasn't you?

[tense music]

Okay, if that's true...

do you think he poisoned dinner?

Guys, I'm kidding.
Chill out. God...

- [all exclaim]
- Oh, my God!

- What the fuck!
- Is that, is that Franny?

- It was Franny.
- I thought she wasn't even here.

Well, is this some
sort of sick joke?

Okay, I-I just told Marty

that, like, he should
put a fake finger

in the soup in the hopes
that it would end up

in Kelsey's bowl. I certainly
didn't tell him to put

Franny's head on a platter.

Please tell me
that head is fake.

This is real,
obviously very real.

And this was obviously
Marty, so we can't start...

- turning on each other now.
- We need to see

if our cell phones
have any service.

Uh, shit, mine's upstairs.

Okay, they don't have any
service. There's no way.

My grandmother did
have this old radio

in her bedroom suite
on the third floor.

I-if it's still there,

maybe we can call the
police and get some help.

You guys do whatever
the hell you wanna do.

We're-we're leaving now.

- Yeah.
- Let's go.

- Tabby, please don't leave me.
- Okay.

That idiot's gonna
get her killed.

Now what?

Uh, we go upstairs
and try the old radio.

[breathing heavily]

Jonny, I've known these
people for, for forever,

and I don't think that one
of them could've done this.

It doesn't change
whether I trust them

or whether weshould trust them.

- Okay...
- Well, we think it's Marty.

It seems far-fetched
that he could be doing

all of this without any help.

- How do we know he'd come here?
- I don't know.

Maybe he, like, got the
job with Chandler first,

and then he started planning,
and he-he could have

been planning this for a while.

[Jonny] Or maybe he's
working with Chandler.

Didn't she have a
thing for your ex?

And doesn't that track with
her whole prank BS behavior?

Yes, but she got a gift, too.

A gift she could
have given herself.

She even caught
herself in her own lie,

and clearly didn't
mind doing it.

Okay, look, Chandler
is a lot of things,

but a murderer?

Tabs, sorry, but
you're being gullible.

You always give everyone
the benefit of the doubt,

even if they don't
deserve it, you, you need

to start thinking a
bit more level-headed.

Excuse me, but I'm the
only person who's trying

to keep everyone from goin'
apeshit on each other, okay?

So unless you have some
kind of concrete evidence,

playing the blame game
isn't gonna help anybody.

Fine, but I agree you're
giving certain people

way too much credit.

Look, I just...

I think that Marty seems like
the most likely candidate.

And if it's, if it's
not him, I mean, if...

[chuckles] What if it's
someone else on the estate?

I mean, this is a big house,
and there were a lot of people

that were angry with
us after Glen's death.

Like who?

Glen's brother.

Remember he wouldn't even
look at us at the funeral?

He was livid after Glen died,
and he always, he always felt

like I didn't do
anything to stop it.

[Kelsey] Oh, he does
still live up here,

a-and I see him once in
a while at the diner.

I suppose he could
have overheard me

talking about the reunion.

But why would Rick
wait ten years

to play out some revenge scheme?

I don't know. Why
would anybody?

Hey, guys. I don't
think Julian ever left.

[grim music]

[Tabby] Julian!

[gasps]

[gasps]

Kelsey! Kelsey!

[panting]

Damn. Did someone? Someone
did a number on his legs.

[breathing heavily] Oh, fuck.

[music continues]

[breathing heavily] What
if he's still out here?

No, whoever it was,
they're gone now. Okay?

Uh...

But, hey, uh, the, the
truck's still here,

which means we can still
get down the mountain, okay?

It's the only thing that's
gonna make it in this ice.

Okay. Okay, but we can't...

We can't just leave without
the others, especially,

especially Kelsey, I promised
her that I wouldn't leave.

Babe. She, she just
ditched us, okay?

A-a-and we, we can't trust
any of them anymore, okay?

So, so we-we need
to leave now, okay?

- We can go and get some help?
- Jonny. Jonny!

Jonny, I-I literally...

I ran away from this
place all those years ago

because I couldn't face my past,

but I came back here
to face my fears, okay?

And I'm not...

I'm not leaving my
best friend, not again.

I can't do it.

Tab, that, that, that's
a very admirable thing

you're trying to do, but
people are dying, okay?

We need to go and get help.

Jonny... you go,
but I'm staying.

I am staying, okay?

We'll, we'll-we'll go

and we'll, like,
barricade ourselves in

until you come back
with help, okay?

Baby, please, I'm
not asking you, okay?

Get in the truck.
We're leaving now.

Jonny, I am not leaving.

You go, and honestly,

I'm fuckin' tired of
everyone treating me

like I'm some kind of
fragile flower, okay?

So you go and get help if
you want to, but I'm staying.

[tense music]

[sighs]

[engine starts]

[breathing heavily]

Kelsey?

[eerie music]

[breathing heavily]

[sniffles]

[kettle whistles]

[breathing heavily]

[music continues]

[gasps]

[muffled crying]

[sobs]

- Hey.
- Whoa! You scared me.

You're supposed to
be watching the door.

Okay, so the radio?

It's as dead as your
grandmother. [sighs]

So what now? Everyone
else left us.

So now we go to the second floor

and we get my
grandfather's old gun,

and then we put a bullet
in the head of anyone

that tries to fuck with us.

I may or may not
have to pee first.

[grim music]

What the fuck?!
I-it's the chef lady.

Oh, damn it.

He's not supposed
to come up here.

Why would he leave
her body here?

How can you be so cavalier?

[gasps] Wait.

Did you get Marty to do this?

No, I just meant that he, like,

doesn't have permission
to be up here.

Okay, y-y-you stay right there.

Tucker, you know me.
I'm your best friend.

I didn't kill anybody.

I might kill you though if
you don't chill the fuck out.

Yeah, I do know you, and I know

you have mildly
sociopathic tendencies

that worsen when
you're isolated.

So how do I know you didn't take

this outdated prank
party and bring it

to a new level of
psychosis, hmm?

Tucker, you are the one that
sounds insane right now.

[tense music]

- Tucker!
- Ah!

[gasps]

[breathing heavily]

- Kelsey.
- [screams] What the hell, Tabby?

You scared the life out of me.

Oh, my God. [panting]

And that noise. I
keep hearing that.

Where, where the hell
is that coming from?

I have no idea. It's
really hard to tell.

- [Tucker] Hey, hey.
- [both scream]

- Oh, my God!
- Okay, time! Slow!

Wait, where's your
headcase boyfriend?

Jonny went to go find help,

but we found, we found
Julian dead in the driveway.

What? Oh, no.

And Tabby just found
even more blood

in the kitchen
just a minute ago.

- [panting]
- Wait, where's Chandler?

Upstairs. Still. I think.

I kind of freaked on her.

I told her I thought it was her.

We found Roma's body
up on the third floor

- in the bathtub.
- [both gasp]

- What made you think it was her?
- I-it was like she...

She insinuated that Marty took
the body to the wrong spot.

Maybe I misconstrued her words.

Or maybe that's
why she hired him.

Maybe they're in
cahoots, you think?

I don't know why Glen's death

would still mean
something to her.

Well, maybe, maybe it doesn't.

Maybe this was just,
like, I don't know,

a part of one of
Chandler's stupid pranks,

and then, and then maybe
Marty took the whole thing,

- like, a step further.
- [both gasp]

Winds must've knocked
the power out.

Oh, what if it was Marty?

Okay, look, speculating
is not helping.

What we need to do is we need
to go, we need to get the power

back on, and then we need to
find a place that we can go

and hide and barricade
ourselves in, okay?

- We're sitting ducks in here.
- I-I've been here before.

The electricity goes
out all the time.

I'm pretty sure the breaker
box is in the basement.

Um, one of us needs to
turn those lights back on,

but, but if they go out again,

we need candles to hold
us out until morning.

So one of us needs
to flip the breakers,

and one of us needs to go get
the candles from the spandrel.

Definitely not
going in a basement.

You want to get candles
all by yourself?

Okay, I'll... Fine,
I'll go with Tabby.

T-Tucker, I don't think that
you should be alone right now.

I think you should just
come with us, I don't think

anybody should be
alone right now.

One sec.

I'll be fine now. No
one's gonna mess with me.

If anyone can take
Marty, it's me.

[tense music]

Where do killers always hide?

Basements. Why did
we get this job?

Because there's
literally nobody else.

Just, just stay with me, okay?

[tense music]

Wait. There's flashlights.

Here, grab this one.

Wait, what if Marty's down here?

Then he's gonna get tenderized.

[fire crackling]

[blows]

[sighs]

[tense music]

Stupid Scrooge gift exchange.

[badge clinks]

[fire crackling]

Okay, I think this is them.

[breaker clicks]

Oh, how I've missed
the merriment

of twinkling lights on this
festive holiday occasion.

- Let there be light.
- Okay.

[distant pounding]

There's that noise again.

- What is that?
- I don't know.

[tense music]

[door closes]

Hello?

Tabs?

Kels?

Guys?

[grim music]

[grunts]

[Tucker screams]

[sizzling]

[grunts]

Is that a blade sharpener?

- Why is that down here?
- I don't know...

Shouldn't it be in the kitchen?

What's that?

Uh, I don't know and I
don't wanna find out.

- Let's just go.
- No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

[grim music]

[gasps]

[both sigh]

Stupid fucking Mrs. Claus.

- Come on. Come on, let's go.
- Okay.

Tucker? Guys?

[screams]

That sounds like Chandler.

Oh, fuck.

[tense music]

[skin sizzling]

[gasping]

- What the fuck happened?
- How should we know?

He was fine until he
was here with you.

Me? I didn't do this.

I just found him like this.

How can we be sure?
You're a liar.

Tabby, you believe me, right?

Yeah, of course. I-I-I-I
wanna believe you,

but it's just... it's
really hard to think

that that could have
all been done alone.

Look, I know that I'm a bitch

and I messed with
you guys too much,

but I didn't kill Tucker.

He was my best friend
and I loved him.

Where's Marty at, huh, Chandler?

How should I know where he is?

Are you sure you didn't
put him up to all of this?

You need to stop your
little witch hunt right now.

You might be next.

How can we be sure it's not you?

Are you serious?

You trust her more than me?

I mean, at least I keep it real.

She talks so much shit about
you in college and even now.

- No, I don't.
- [Chandler] Yes, you do.

I stopped by the diner on
my way back from the airport

and she proceeded
to talk mad shit

about how you probably weren't
gonna come this weekend

and how you're such a
flake and even worse,

you're an LA phony now.

That's not true,
I just said that

I really hoped that
you would come.

[snorts] Come on,
Tabby. You know it.

Kelsey has always been
jealous of you and your life

and our friendship and when
you joined the sorority.

Even now, you are the girl that
Kelsey has always wanted to be.

Yeah, but you're also the girl
Chandler always loved to hate.

Oh, please. I hate everybody.

Yeah, but you really hated Tabby

because everyone else loved her.

She's a people pleaser...

who can't make up her own
mind to save her life,

even now she's letting you
and her big, bad boyfriend

make all of her
decisions for her.

Guys, just both
of you stop. Okay?

All of our friends are dead
and nobody can trust anyone.

What do you mean all of
our friends are dead?

Who other than
Tucker and Franny?

- Your ex.
- [Chandler] Wait, what?

- Ring any sleigh bells?
- Julian's dead?

Please. don't act like
you don't already know.

Where?

Out on the driveway.

[tense music]

Wait, wait, no Chandler, no,
no, you cannot go out there!

Tabby, wait.

No, wait. Wait.

Chandler, no, wait, wait.

[gasps]

[intense music]

What did you do to him?

Guys, guys, guys, we need to go.

We need to go, go, go.
Chandler, go, go, go, go.

Oh, my God, go get
a chair, get a chair

put it under the door. Go, go!

Come on, let's go.

Where are we going?

Is that Ebenezer fucking Scrooge

or am I imagining
shit right now?

Someone definitely
dressed as him.

He had a blade in his cane.

We need to find something that
we can barricade ourselves in.

No, no, no, no, we
need to go upstairs

and get my
grandfather's old gun.

- Okay, well, where is it?
- Uh...

It's, uh, in a case
in the library I think

and his bullets are
on his nightstand.

Let's take the front stairs.

- [gasps]
- [both scream]

- Oh!
- Fuck!

[Chandler] Okay, uh, sorry,
that was my final prank.

Uh, fucking prank's on us.

Oh, but, look. The
chains are off now.

[all screaming]

[grunts]

[screaming]

[Tabby grunts]

Come on.

[tense music]

[gasps]

Fucking left me.

[grim music]

[music continues]

[creaking]

[gasps]

[music continues]

[grunts]

Hey.

[grunts]

Motherfucker! [screams]

[panting]

[tense music]

[panting]

[music continues]

[door closes]

[breathing heavily]

[music continues]

[breathing heavily]

[music continues]

[floorboard creaking]

[grim music]

[panting]

[music continues]

[panting]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[chokes]

[instrumental music]

[Tabby] Hey.

- Are you okay?
- I'm fine. Where's Chandler?

Scrooge went after her.
There's something upstairs.

- Maybe she'll find the gun...
- Before he finds her?

[sighs] You know, I think we
need to sneak out the back

I think we need to hide in the
carport until Jonny gets back

'cause it's the one place
that we'll see him coming.

Come on.

[grim music]

[clattering]

It's, like, it's not opening.

It's, there's like
something against the door.

[grunts]

It's Julian.

[gasps]

[tense music]

[music continues]

- Hey, fucker.
- [grunting]

[dramatic music]

[both grunting]

[choking]

[grunts]

[pan clanks]

[Kelsey] Tabby, wake up.

- [Kelsey] Tabby.
- [inhales deeply]

[Kelsey] Are you okay?

My, my head.

- Where is he now?
- [Kelsey] I have no clue.

W-w-what happened?

Scrooge knocked you out.

I knocked him pretty
hard with a frying pan.

He was down long enough
for me to drag you in here.

- Where, where is he now?
- I have no clue.

He's been gone for about
ten minutes or so at least.

Thank you for saving me.

Of course.

You're my best friend.

Do you think you could walk?

- I think so.
- Good.

Because we need to get
upstairs and find that gun.

You check that side.
I'll check over here.

[instrumental music]

[clattering]

I found it. Okay, now we just
have to find the bullets.

Um, uh, do you have any idea

where her grandfather's
old room is?

- No idea.
- [sighs]

Okay. Come on.

[grim music]

Nothing in here.

Nothing here.

[shuddering] Here, neither.

Maybe it's the wrong room.

Where does that door go?

[music continues]

[door lock clicks]

- [sighs]
- It's locked.

When Marty showed me to my
room, the door was locked.

He reach behind a
lamp just like this.

[instrumental music]

[door lock clicking]

Someone's there.

[breathing shakily]

Jonny. Oh, my God! Wake up.

Jonny. Jonny, wake
up, are you okay?

Hey. Hey, you found
me. Are you okay?

Oh, my God. What the
hell happened to you?

Some guy, some crazy
fuck in a Scrooge costume

stopped me on the road.

Knocked me flat
with a fucking cane.

- Okay.
- Oh, my God.

Thank God he only tied you up.

Maybe because Jonny
didn't have anything to do

with Glen's death.

[grim music]

- I was so worried about you.
- Oh, my God.

What... What is all this stuff?

[Tabby] Oh, no.

Got Chandler too.

[Kelsey] Look at all
this. Ebenezer Scrooge.

My God. Who fucking did this?

Marty really planned
all of this, didn't he?

But what, what does
Scrooge have to do with it?

Like, what, d-does he think that

he's Ebenezer
Scrooge or something?

Wait.

What's, what's that?

[music continues]

Oh, my God.

Is this fucking
Glen's suicide note?

How did Marty get this?

Jesus.

I-it can't be. Can it?

Wow, it's heavy.

But I guess that's what
comes with a broken heart

sometimes, I suppose...

I'm sorry. Uh... Of course
it's not your fault.

I didn't, I didn't
mean it like that.

[exhales]

Are you okay, Tabby?

You don't blame
yourself, do you?

No, honestly, I don't.

And I didn't tell you this
earlier, but the whole reason

that I even broke up with
Glen in the first place

is because he was
cheating on me.

Only I don't know who it was.

So if it wasn't Chandler,

and that was a lie,

then it was someone else.

All I know is that
he was cheating.

And that it wasn't my fault.

[grim music]

I felt guilty for so long

for something that...
wasn't my fault.

If anything, tonight,
tonight cemented that.

It, it wasn't my fault.
So you know what?

If Marty wants to blame
us, then that's fine.

But we're the ones
with a gun now.

[tense music]

[stairs creaking]

[all gasp]

Don't move, do not fucking move

or I swear to God I'm gonna
shoot you in the head!

Look, someone in this
house is fucking crazy.

They bashed me over the head
and locked me in the closet.

S-so where did you get
this suit from, huh?

[Marty] I don't know. When
I woke up, I had it on.

Look, I was in there for hours.

Okay, just p-put the
fucking gun down.

The hell you have.

And step... back.

[groaning]

[thuds]

You... you just killed him.

He killed our friends.

It was so easy, it was like,

like you'd done it before.

Because you have. Haven't you?

What are you talking
about, Tabby?

[Tabby] Marty couldn't
have done this alone.

And Glen didn't kill
himself, did he?

No, it makes sense now.

Why his suicide note disappears,

barring an investigation
into his death,

especially when you consider
who really wrote that note.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You're not making any sense.
And you're scaring me.

Kelsey, I'm talking
about Glen's suicide note

being in yourhandwriting.

The same scratch writing
that you used to leave

all over our refrigerator
freshman year

when you would let me
know, like, anytime

that you would
fucking go anywhere,

like, it makes sense now.

You were in love with Glen.

And you were the
one screwing him.

Tabby, what? I'm
your best friend.

Yeah, were my best friend, if
you would even call it that.

More like the girl who was so
obsessed with, with, with me

and, and my life that you wanted
to have everything in my life,

including my boyfriend.

How dare you?

I'm the only one who ever
really cared about you.

Even when you were
screwing Glen?

I bet you pushed him off
the theater rooftop, too.

Right after I told you

that I was moving to Los Angeles
with Glen instead of you,

you must have been so livid

because you were so
in love with Glen,

and you were so mad that
I wasn't bringing you.

You know what, Tabby? Screw you.

I don't need to listen to this.

I have been dealing with
you, treating me like garbage

ever since you met Glen
and his stupid friends

and I'm not doing it anymore.

[laughs]

- [Kelsey gasps]
- Go on, then. Tell her.

Is it true? Did you fuck the
boyfriend behind her back?

Chuck, please.

- Okay.
- [Kelsey gasps]

[ragged breathing]

Fine. Yes. Just one time.

Glen asked me to meet him
before the show began.

He said he was gonna
tell you everything,

and I couldn't let him
ruin our friendship.

And his dumb friends had
already taken you away from me.

And it's true, did you
push him over the edge

and write that note?

I...

[grim music]

It was, it was an accident.

I grabbed onto him, and I
begged him not to tell you.

He just... he pulled back,
and he went over the edge.

[sighs]

It's not what you
told me before.

You lied. It's too bad.

[gasps]

[sobs]

Kelsey didn't want you to
see the note, but I thought,

for dramatic effect, you should,

so I put it into the
shrine last minute.

And, boy, am I glad I
did, because how else

would we have known what
Kelsey's capable of?

I mean, she did kill Roma,

but sh-she kinda had to do that

because I was too
busy screwing you.

- You were Scrooge?
- Yes.

And every time I
put on that mask,

I really felt him as well.

That is what we like
to call method acting.

But you... you, you were...

An even better actor
than you thought?

I mean, thanks. [chuckles]

I don't even need the
mask to behim now.

[tense music]

I know there's no
bullets in that.

[panting] Oh, my God!

[breathing heavily]

So what, you just, you
just tied yourself up...

upstairs just so I
wouldn't think it was you?

Pretty much, yeah.

Blood in the
kitchen was Marty's.

The banging, him too.

You two were our fall guys all
along, so when I choked you out,

I had to find a way to get back
inside the house unsuspectingly

in the hopes that youwould
take out Marty yourself,

leaving us no choice but
to take you out after us,

the only surviving witnesses.

We just didn't anticipate
Marty escaping,

and I certainly didn't know
that Kelsey would turn out to be

such a deceptive,
manipulative monster.

So then why'd you do it?

Huh? What did you... Did
you, did you love her?

[chuckles] No! No way. No.

I did this for me.

Sure, the whole how
was all Kelsey's idea.

She hated you all so much,

blamed you all for Glen's death

and for leaving her
here in this shit town.

[chuckles] It was her idea

for me to kill everyone by way
of what they'd done to Glen.

Penetrate Chandler's
lying little whore mouth.

[dramatic music]

Make a forest fire out of
Tucker's pretty head of hair.

Take Julian's legs.

And then there was
Smarty Pants Franny.

Kelsey told me that she stole

Glen's last chance
at graduating,

so I stole her head. [chuckles]

It was in my bag the whole
car ride up here, you know?

So then if you didn't love
her, then why would you risk

getting caught just to kill
a bunch of fucking people

that you don't even know?

Ha! Ah, but I doknow you.

I... I'm from here, Tabbs.

I went to Drake
with all you idiots.

Even worked at the
diner for a while.

Of course I wasn't as cute
or in shape back then.

Mm. That I had to work on
before I came out to LA.

So meeting me and
bringing me back here

was your plan all along?

Well, that's part of it.

But part of it was getting you

to help me establish
myself, which you did.

Such a great girlfriend,
just like with Glen.

You taped my auditions,
did my head shots,

even helped me get that
great agent, so thank you.

You know what?

Fuck you! Fuck you!

You fucking killed
all my friends

just for some dumb
fucking chance

to play dress-up as Scrooge,
you're a fucking headcase.

You're a fucking headcase,
just like Tucker said.

Ah! But it wasn't just for
dress-up. You don't see?

Ebenezer Scrooge and I
are one and the same.

Our moms died
giving birth to us.

Our dad blames us
our entire lives.

My therapist even once said

that's why I lost touch
with my authentic self.

Poor Jonny Rose.

[breathing heavily]

Or should I say
Jonathan Rosenthal?

[grim music]

Name doesn't ring a bell. Hmm.

Ah. But I guess it
wouldn't, would it?

You see, I was set to star

as Ebenezer Scrooge
in A Christmas Carol

the night that Glen died.

The night you all killed him,

ruining my very
first starring show.

Of course, you didn't
get to see me on stage.

The show got canceled, but, hey,

at least you got to see
me as Scrooge tonight.

- [sword clinking]
- Now! For the curtain call!

[Tabby] Jonny, you
don't have to do this.

I loved you, and I know that
there's a part of you...

- that loved me, too.
- Yeah, I know...

but not as much as performing.

I never understood how could you
love a schizoid like Scrooge?

Whatever does that
say about you?

Well, I'm not the
girl I used to be.

And if we are being
completely honest,

there was one thing that
I always hated about you

that I could never get over.

Oh, yeah? And what's that?

I fucking love Christmas,
you piece of shit!

[both grunting]

[dramatic music]

[gasping]

My stunt classes are paying off.

[breathing heavily]

[gasps]

[grunting]

Any final words for ya, Tabbs?

Yeah.

No regrets. [grunting]

[grim music]

[breathing shakily]

[somber music]

[sobbing]

[crow cawing]

[rooster crowing]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

God bless us.

Everyone.

[upbeat song]

♪ It's a-falling on
December ground ♪

♪ But what's waiting?
Can you hear the sound? ♪

♪ I was shaking and stocking ♪

♪ While trimming
up the evergreens ♪

♪ Carols playing
lighting up this house ♪

♪ Toes are tappin'
feelin' so alive ♪

♪ As the DJ's spinnin' those ♪

♪ Mistletoe memories ♪

♪ We're dancin'
through the holidays ♪

♪ Good vibes good
times are comin' down ♪

♪ Ready to mingle and
jingle and dance all night ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ We're locked in till
the Yules are through ♪

♪ Hey, look at old Santa
Claus bustin' a move ♪

♪ Everybody in every way ♪

♪ Is dancin' through
the holidays ♪

♪ You feel the rhythm
in our merry souls ♪

♪ The needle drops
and then away we go ♪

♪ No doubt about it, the
magic is here to stay ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪