Original subtitles

- Which brings us to 2005.

The circle park renovation was complete,

And a young man named thomas haverford

Was still two years away from getting hired.

- Perhaps we could skip ahead and just hit the highlights?

- I mean, I planned a comprehensive retrospective,

But I guess I can just focus on the really important moments.

Ah! The debate about getting a pod-based coffee machine.

And it goes a little something like thi--

- Can't we just quickly shake hands,

Pretend we like each other,

And get out of here? - I'm all for that.

- No, April, ron, we need to celebrate everything

That we've done together as a group.

This is our last day here!

Who knows when we'll all be together like this again?

- Excuse me. Hi.

There's a swing in a park

Near my house that's been broken for about three months.

Is it possible to get that fixed?

- Anything is possible if you follow your dreams.

Johnny karate.

- Except getting a swing fixed.

None of us actually work here anymore.

Come back in two hours when the office is open.

- Thank you. - Wait.

Actually, sir, we can help.

Helping people was our job.

Forget about these old stories.

Let's make a new one.

Let's fix a swing.

One last ride for the parks and rec gang.

Who's in?

All: Yeah.

- ♪ the vote was four to three ♪

♪ donna said to get rid of me ♪

♪ but ron was suspicious ♪

♪ 'cause my coffee was delicious ♪

- Come on, garry, you're the mayor now.

Have some dignity.

[triumphant music]

♪ ♪

- Okay, so what is our first step

On our quest to help this man?

Does anyone remember?

- A parks and recreation equipment requisition form.

- Correct. Five points for hufflepuff.

- Well, everything's paperless now,

And none of us has a log-in, so can't access the computers.

- Hang on.

I have one right here, thanks to leslie's scrapbook,

"thanks form the memories!"

- Oh, I knew those scrapbooks were gonna come in handy.

You came through like you always do.

God, I'm gonna miss you.

Your confidence, your joie de vivre,

That crazy story about you getting kicked out of en vogue.

- Technically I kicked them out.

- When do you leave for seattle?

- As soon as I get my local real estate license.

I'm married to a teacher, and I love the man,

But I also love diamond watches.

- Well, whatever happens,

I know you are gonna live an exciting and full life.

- 3,400 square feet, a beautiful view of puget sound,

You can watch them build the new space haystack

Around the space needle.

- Wow.

I-I can hardly see the needle anymore.

- I know. It's kind of the point.

So what are we thinking?

- Wow.

It sold in two hours?

- You cannot beat the seattle real estate market.

I think it's all that coffee and legal marijuana

Has people wanting to buy houses quickly and irrationally.

- Mm.

- But the giant commission check

Has me thinking about donna-joe adventure quest.

- Ooh, where are we going?

Well, it can't beat last year.

I mean, middle korea, so beautiful.

- Here's my idea.

The amazon. - Oh.

- Three weeks of the best and most expensive places

South america has to offer.

Honestly, with the way work is going,

I just need this right now.

The school cut the math club and math.

They just don't teach math anymore.

- Aw, my poor little do-gooder teacher baby.

Why don't we cuddle up on the couch, watch a movie,

And then maybe later I'll wear that little red thing?

- Yes. The red thing.

Here, let me get this.

[beep]

- Call satan's niece.

- Hey, what do you want?

- And this is me dj-ing a boat party in venezuela,

Kind of reminded me of the two weeks you and I spent there.

- Oh, yeah, that happened.

- Yeah, it did. - April.

What are you doing here?

- Babe, have a seat. - What's going on?

- Recently I was thinking for the millionth time

How lucky I am to have found you,

So I've decided to treat yo' self.

- You're gonna buy me a bunch of leather handbags?

- Donna is going to take some of the money

You usually use on your trips

And establish an education program

Through the foundation I work for.

- It's called "teach yo' self," and you and the other teachers

Will get money for after-school programs,

For music, art, math, whatever you want.

- Baby, this is really generous, but I love our trips,

And honestly it's your money.

You should spend it how you want.

- This is what I want.

I've had a lot of adventures.

I single-handedly started that doorknockers earring trend.

I came in ninth in Italy's got talent.

- Yeah. - I served on a nascar pit crew.

I want a new kind of adventure, and I want to take it with you.

- Okay, I feel like it's time for me to get out of here.

[leslie sighs]

- What is this mess?

Why are you all in my office?

- We are on one last mission to help the people of pawnee.

- Craig, can you sign the requisition form?

It'd speed things up.

- You know, craig, when I first met you, I thought,

"there's a man who loves his job."

And then I thought, "oh, wow, he's intense."

And then I thought, "oh, no, he's insane.

That person is psychotic, and I need to call the police."

- Yeah, that's usually the way it goes.

- But I just think you've come so far,

And I'm so glad that we are leaving

The parks department in your hands.

- ♪ funny, though it's true ♪

♪ those silly things you do ♪

♪ they only bring me closer ♪

♪ to you ♪

[applause]

- Nice crooning, buddy.

The gentleman over by the bar there

Sent you over this glass of wine

And his business card.

Okay, so as you all know, tom's bistro...

- Okay, fine.

- We are gathered here today

To join craig middlebrooks and typhoon montalban

In holy matrimony.

- I don't know about this. I'm very scared.

- Oh, just relax, you nervous nelly.

- You're right.

We love each other,

And the tax break is substantial.

- Good luck, you two.

- Typhoon, my love, happy anniversary.

Do you have any regrets?

- Not one. Not a single one.

Do you have any regrets?

- Are you kidding? Thousands.

Most recently this trout!

- [chuckles]

- Okay, April and andy, I need to file this.

Would anyone like to accompany me to the fourth floor?

- One last journey to the weirdest place on earth?

- We--we're just taking the elevator.

- I get to push buttons. I called it.

- Oh--

- He called it. - Yeah, I know, I heard.

- Ethel beavers, we need this filed, please.

- We've gone digital.

Get with the times, you luddite.

- Man, of all the places in pawnee,

I'm gonna miss the fourth floor the most.

The disturbing murals, the ominous lighting...

The creepy people.

- I'm gonna miss the food in pawnee.

Taco bell, kfc, pizza hut,

And most of all, I'm gonna miss you, leslie.

- Aw, andy, all of those things,

Including me, will still be with you in washington.

- That is a beautiful sentiment.

- It--I just want to say

That we are about to embark on an amazing adventure,

And whatever happens,

Just know that ben and I are always there for you.

[softly grunting]

- Agent macklin, I need you.

Some thieves are trying to steal

The legendary snakehole sapphire.

- What the-- no!

That sapphire has the power to activate

The cuban missile crisis.

- Damn it, macklin! I love it when you take charge.

Make love to me, you fool, you animal!

[doorbell rings] - [grunts]

Okay, rain-check that, all right?

They're here.

All: Trick or treat!

- Oh! Look at them!

Here you go, you little monsters.

I love this. You guys are the best.

[door closes] - my love, we have to go.

Just put all the candy in a bowl or something.

What's wrong?

Did you eat all the candy? - No.

- Did you? - Yes.

But that's not what's wrong.

It's just, seeing all those kids out there...

Babe...

I want to put a babe in you, babe.

- Andy, you know where I stand on this.

Yes, I would love all the awesome stuff

My body would go through.

I mean, if all it meant was puking

And getting weird stretch marks and veins everywhere,

Then sign me up.

But at the end, we've brought a child into the world.

That's disgusting. - No.

They wipe all of the disgusting stuff

Off of it immediately.

- We're gonna be late for dinner.

- Okay. - Let's go.

Hey. - Come on in.

- Hey, always nice to see janet snakehole

And burt macklin in the mix.

- What are you guys dressed as?

- Oh, I'm sandra dee o'connor. Get it?

Sandra dee plus sandra day o'connor?

- Who's sandra dee? - Who's sandra day o'connor?

- Forget it.

- And I am the lamplighter,

A character from my new board game sequel,

"cones of dunshire: Winds of tremorrah."

Gameplay magazine called it "punishingly intricate."

I want to say hi and wrestle all three of them at once.

- Oh, they're trick-or-treating in georgetown with some friends.

It's just us grown-ups tonight, no kids at all.

Hey, andy, why don't you give me a hand in the kitchen?

- So what do you need a hand with?

- Oh, no, I just thought you might want to talk.

- Whoa. Dude, that's really slick.

Oh, man, that's some secret agent stuff right there.

- So April's still on the fence about kids, huh?

- Yeah, and I'm freaking out, man.

I want kids so bad.

You know, yesterday I was at the park,

And I saw this group of eight-year-olds laughing,

Playing, having a good time.

I almost started crying.

Granted, I'd just face-planted on my rollerblades.

That's what they were laughing at.

- Sure.

- All right, go ahead. - What?

- You're gonna lecture me about how andy and I should have kids.

You're gonna be like, "they're so great.

"they change your life, and yes, they drive you nuts,

"but it's all worth it for the beauty and the majesty

"and the glory of their little faces in the morning.

Blah, blah, blah, and barf."

You know why it's so unfair?

Because you guys got so lucky.

You had sex one time, and you had three kids,

And they're all, like, smart and great and healthy,

And now your lives are perfect.

But our life is pretty perfect already.

And you know what, kids act the opposite of their parents.

That's why your kids are so cool.

But andy and I are cool already,

So our kids will be, like, really lame and weird.

I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do.

Please tell me what to do. What do I do?

- It's not about trying to make your life perfect.

Nobody's lives are perfect.

You have kids because you and andy are a team

And you want to bring in some new team members.

- So you think we should?

- I don't know if you should have kids.

I really don't.

But I do like your team.

- All right, ms. Ludgate, we're getting close.

- Babe, you look more beautiful right now

Than I have ever seen you.

- Wow.

Just your luck that you're going into labor on Halloween.

Can I get a warm towel to get that makeup off?

- No! I want it on! That's the whole point.

I put the makeup on after I went into labor.

- Whatever blows your skirt up.

Okay, you ready to push?

- Wait, no. Babe, my birth mix.

[monster mash plays] - ♪ he did the mash ♪

- Here comes a contraction. Are you ready?

- Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this.

- ♪ it was a graveyard smash ♪ - ♪ he did the mash ♪

- ♪ it caught on in a flash ♪

- ♪ he did the mash ♪

♪ he did the monster mash ♪

♪ from my laboratory in the castle east ♪

- Burt macklin junior?

- Mm, we need a Halloween angle.

How about... Demon spawn baby satan dwyer?

- Oh, I like that. Yeah.

Or maybe

Burt snakehole ludgate karate dracula macklin

Demon jack-o-lantern dwyer?

We call him "jack" for short.

- Hey. Hi.

Oh, I want to scream,

But I don't want to wake up my godchild.

I'm assuming it's my godchild, right?

We can talk about it later. - Congrats, guys.

I know it came unexpectedly early,

But pretty cool he was born in pawnee.

Where do I put these?

I have so many presents, it's weird.

- [whispers] yes! Oh, for the baby?

Just put them over there.

- What's his name? - Jack.

- [exhales deeply] oh, that's good.

Welcome to the team, little guy.

- Take this down to maintenance.

- I know just where to take it, ethel,

And I know just the person who should accompany me.

- I'm a little busy right now.

- Not you, kyle.

How many times did you and I

Deliver a form to maintenance just like this?

Oh, so many great conversations,

Bonding and mentoring moments.

It seems only right that we make this journey one final time.

- What was that, boo-boo? - Nothing.

- Oh!

Tommy-t and sexy lexy knope.

Ooh, what are you two bad larrys up to?

- Well, this is our last day in pawnee,

And we have one last problem to fix.

- Hold up. You're leaving?

For truth?

I am gonna miss you so much.

- What's going on? You're not injured?

- Uh, yeah, I'm injured.

I got a terminal case of

"get me to the front of the line at six flags"!

Both: Shaaa-boosh!

- It's a winter wonderland.

I'm gonna be so sad to see you go.

Will you do me one final kindness?

Will you pretend to be my wife for an insurance scam,

But then we fall in love for real?

Also, can I have a pair of your gym socks?

No, wait, it's not for anything weird.

It's just a fetish I have.

- Jean-ralphio... - Yeah.

- Although I truly hope that I never see you again,

I do wish you a long and happy life.

- Today, we say good-bye to jean-ralphio saperstein.

As per his last will and testament,

We will now listen to his favorite song,

Bend over by lil jon, featuring tyga.

- ♪ bend ova, make your knees touch your elbows ♪

♪ ♪

♪ bend ova, make your knees touch your elbows ♪

- Ooh, okay.

Do you have the insurance money? - No doubt.

No doubt. Let's hit it, bro.

- Time to start a casino in...

♪ tajikistan ♪ - ♪ aaaaan ♪

[deep voice] ♪ tajikistan ♪

- ♪ talking 'bout tajiki... ♪

Both: Stan!

- Jean-ralphio?

- Go! Tajikistan is off! - Go, go, go, go!

- Tajikistan is off! Tajikistan is off!

- So...Tom and I have a swing to fix.

Let's go.

- Leslie, I've always loved you.

- I know.

- Oh, man!

I forgot that maintenance was closed on fridays.

- What would our last ride be

Without one more bureaucratic snafu?

- Can I just say, tom, you have accomplished so much.

You have come so far. Now you're so successful.

- Don't forget well-dressed. - Yes.

And well-dressed.

I am so very proud of you.

- Thanks, leslie.

I'm proud of me too.

Nice crooning, buddy.

Uh, the gentleman by the bar there

Sent you over this glass of wine...

And his business card.

Okay, so as you all know, tom's bistro

Has been presented with a huge expansion opportunity.

From my senior advisory board.

So is this a good idea?

Accounting nerd? - I'm a congressman, tom.

Can you at least call me "ben"?

- No can do, accounting nerd.

We all knew you before you were a big shot.

Let's keep the whining to a minimum.

- Well, there are always gonna be risks

When you open new restaurants, but you've done your homework.

All the numbers line up.

Side note:

I would again strongly recommend adding calzones to the menu.

- Ugh. The worst. Ron?

- It's a bold, capitalistic gambit, son,

But nothing ventured, nothing gained.

- Regal meagle?

- Real estate is pretty cheap right now.

If you're gonna do it, this is a good time.

- Okay, I'm doing it.

There's gonna be 20 tom's bistros across america.

Look out, world, tommy's about to blow up.

[explosion]

[english accent] and blow up he did,

But not in the good way.

He lost everything.

Today, tom haverford is broke, destitute,

And worst of all, swaggerless.

- Tommy, you got to stop watching this.

- I can't tear myself away.

It's a whole documentary about my failures.

- That you made.

- I had to.

I have to remember every tiny, awful aspect of this.

I lost everything, lucy--

The franchises, most of my money.

I had to sell my pocket square collection.

What are people's eyes gonna be drawn to?

- Look, you had a tough break.

Who could have predicted that the country

Would run out of beef?

You just got to move on.

- That's the problem, though.

I've gone bust in the past,

But it was because I did something reckless.

This time I was smart and careful,

And I still went broke.

What do I do now?

- Well, you and I are gonna be fine,

And you'll come up with a new idea.

You always do.

- I once started an entertainment company.

It failed in four months.

I opened a clothing rental store.

I built a restaurant empire.

They all failed,

But the story of america isn't about second or third chances.

It's about 4th, 5th, 6th, 20th, 50th chances.

That's how long it took me to get where I am today:

Best-selling author of...

Failure: An american success story.

[applause]

As you know if you've read the book,

I've outlined seven different types of successful people.

You can be an andy, an April,

A ben, a leslie,

A ron, a donna,

Or my personal favorite, a tom.

But what do we definitely not want to be?

All: A garry!

- That's right. Do not be a garry.

- Oh, he's talking about me! [laughs]

- Hey.

- Hey, thanks so much for coming, guys.

- Are you kidding?

Tom, this is incredible.

A best-selling book, a 40-city tour?

- Well, I couldn't have done it without you.

- Well, the book's called failure.

I don't know how to take that. - I'm serious.

You guys have always supported me.

Here, I inscribed you a copy.

- Oh.

"when I think of success, I think of you.

"you are a true inspiration to me.

I love you, tom haverford."

- Oh, sorry, that's actually for kendrick lamar.

Here's yours.

- "best wishes."

- And I mean every word of it.

- So how are we gonna fix this swing?

Have a rally, smash that door, and do some looting?

- Actually, I think there's a simpler solution.

We just need the help of the most powerful man in pawnee.

- Jim, how the heck are you? Yeah, look.

I hate to bother you, but I'm here with my two best friends,

Leslie knope and tom haverford...

- [laughs] - shh!

- And we need the first floor maintenance room open.

Mm. Okay, great, and best to louise and the girls.

Okay, bye-bye.

You guys are all set. - Thank you, mayor gergich.

You really saved our butts.

I am so happy that you get to be mayor.

Are you enjoying yourself?

- Oh, are you kidding me?

Leslie, I know that this is purely ceremonial,

And it'll be over in just a couple of weeks,

But I just don't know how my life

Could get any better than this.

- Oh!

- In a turn of events both shocking and unexpected,

Interim mayor garry gergich was officially elected today,

Thanks to a massive write-in campaign.

Mayor gergich, what are your plans

For your first actual term?

- Oh, jeez, you know what?

I have no idea, perd.

I mean, this is so crazy.

I just hope I do a good job,

And I promise I'm gonna try my best.

And faithfully serve the people of pawnee, indiana.

- As president of city council, I, councilwoman brandi maxxxx,

Star of more than 11,000 adult films in the last two years,

Officially declare garry gergich mayor of pawnee, indiana,

For the fourth time.

- Thank you, pawnee!

- Okay, great.

Garry gergich, you are now mayor,

Again, for the tenth time, proving conclusively

That in these corporate states of america,

It's the entrenched powers who hold all the cards.

- Thank you, councilman morris.

Thank you, pawnee!

- Happy birthday, my sweet, sweet husband.

We all love you so much.

- I have had the perfect life.

I have had the perfect marriage...

- Oh! [giggles] - the perfect children,

And the perfect grandchildren and great-grandchildren!

And I just want you to know how much I love you.

- Okay, come on, everybody, say, "gergich!"

All: Gergich! [camera shutter clicks]

- Mayor garry gergich died peacefully in his sleep

On his 100th birthday,

Holding the hand of his beloved wife, gayle.

- Man, gayle looks amazing.

- Yeah, yeah. I know.

- He will now be given

The indiana notary society's highest honor,

The 21-stamp salute.

- Oh, rest in peace, friend.

- They spelled his name wrong on the tombstone.

- Eh, close enough. - Eh.

- It's time to go.

- Okay. How's this for a headline?

"still swinging: Parks gang reunites for one last bang."

- That's a little dirty.

- Well, it's a headline, shauna. Sex sells.

- Knope,

Make yourself useful and hand me that crescent wrench.

- Oh, not bad craftsmanship, ron.

- It is perfect craftsmanship.

I calculate the cost of my labor at $38.

I can send the bill to you?

- So you think you're gonna stick around pawnee?

- Oh, I imagine so.

Not sure where I would go, really.

- Well, we're gonna come back here a lot.

You know what they say.

Don't be a stranger.

- Despite the recent financial crisis,

Very good building company will finish fiscal year 2022

In excellent financial shape, thanks in large part

To the stewardship of your chairman, ron swanson.

Mr. Chairman, would you like to say a few words?

- I resign as chairman, effective immediately.

- Uh, would you like to explain why?

- No.

- Should we discuss your retirement package?

- Just give me whatever the board thinks is fair.

- Agreed. - Best of luck.

- Don't get emotional, vaughn. You're embarrassing yourself.

- What just happened?

- Ron, your family is beautiful.

- They're a handsome bunch.

Diane and I are especially proud because ivy was just accepted

At stanford university.

- Wow.

- Yeah, it's gonna cost an arm and a leg.

You take my advice?

I sold some of my gold

And officially diversified my portfolio.

- Congratulations.

You now own 51% of the lagavulin distillery.

- Pleasure doing business with you.

- And with you.

All: Sláinte.

- So, ron, what brings you here?

- I am at something of a personal crossroads.

- Yes! I love personal crossroads.

- I once made the mistake of not talking to you at such a moment,

And I do not intend to repeat that error.

- Well, let's take a walk.

There's a cute, little park nearby.

- I suppose I had simply

And there seemed to be little point in continuing.

- So what do you want to do now?

- Well, that's the problem.

I'm not sure.

My kids are growing up.

My days in an office feel like a waste.

I would like to turn my attention to something...

That would make me feel useful,

But for the life of me, I cannot figure out what.

And there are not many people--

I mean, we were workplace proximity acquaintances

For many years, and so I thought--

I thought maybe...

- Say no more, you big softie.

I'm gonna spend every waking moment

Trying to figure this out for you.

You want to stay for dinner?

We're having steak. - Mm?

- But we're also hosting several members

Of the house subcommittee on foreign affairs.

- I'll take that steak to go, please and thank you.

- Hey, there you are. Thanks for meeting me here.

- Well, if you'd have held them here

Instead of that conference room,

I would have come to more meetings.

I got to tell you, leslie, establishing this national park

Right next to pawnee is quite an accomplishment.

This is a fine piece of land you saved.

- Thank you, ron.

You want to run it?

The superintendent of bryce canyon retired,

And I convinced the superintendent of this park

To transfer, shuffled a few things around.

The point is someone needs to take care of this place now.

Thought it should be you.

- I...

Well, first of all, I would be working

For the federal government.

- Your job would be to walk around the land alone,

You'd live in the same town you've always lived in,

You'd work outside, you'd talk to bears.

Next argument?

- There must be dozens of people gunning for this job.

I wouldn't want you to ruffle any feathers.

Am I even qualified?

- Well, a few people might be annoyed,

But they'll get over it.

And as far as your qualifications,

You're ron swanson.

Stop being a dummy and accept.

- When do I start? - Oh, today.

I already accepted for you.

I still remember how to forge your signature.

Let's go meet your staff.

Pawnee national park rangers,

This is ron swanson, your new superintendent and boss.

- Rangers, my name is ronald ulysses swanson.

Your job and mine is to walk this land

And make sure no one harms it.

If you show up on time, speak honestly,

And treat everyone with fairness,

We will get along just fine.

Though hopefully not too fine,

As I'm not looking for any new friends.

End of speech.

- Well said.

- Thank you, leslie.

- You're welcome, ron.

- Okay.

Time to go to work.

[buddy by willie nelson]

- ♪ laugh with me, buddy ♪

♪ jest with me, buddy ♪

♪ don't let her get the best of me, buddy ♪

♪ don't ever let me start ♪

♪ feeling lonely ♪

♪ ♪

- Well, I have to make a couple more adjustments.

- Babe, I don't want to seem dramatic,

But I've just reconsidered every decision

And I think we need to stay in pawnee forever.

- I know. - [sighs]

- But we have to pick up the kids,

And we have a flight to catch.

- But when is this group of people

Ever going to be all together again?

That's all I want,

All of these people in the same place at the same time.

- It'll happen someday.

- What's gonna happen between now and then?

- A lot, and it's all gonna be great.

- You promise? - I promise.

This is a nice house.

- You say that every time we're here.

- I'm just trying to distract you,

So you don't have a nervous breakdown.

- I think I am past that point.

You don't have to worry about me anymore.

- Hey, folks, welcome back.

Great to have so many good friends and colleagues.

We're looking forward to a great conversation and a good dinner.

- As usual, there's only one rule: No shop talk.

So if you want to discuss politics,

You're gonna have to wait until after dinner.

I'm looking at you, leslie.

- Okay, well, as long as we get to play charades later.

- [chuckles] - okay.

Last time we played charades, she spent 3 1/2 hours here.

- You're just mad 'cause you lost.

- Oh, come on.

- Damn! That food was good.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again--

Joe biden knows his way around a seafood risotto.

- You've said that before?

- Anyway, the point is, yes, I do like working at interior.

I love it, but I'm always looking for new challenges.

Why do you ask?

- There's a rumor the governor of indiana

Isn't going to run again, and my friends at the dnc

Are very interested in you as a candidate.

- For governor of indiana? - Mm-hmm.

- Someone's been reading my kindergarten dream journal.

- So what do you think?

I'll call you next week, and we can talk about it?

- O-okay, great.

Well, this is exciting.

I'm gonna take this energy,

And I'm gonna go crush joe biden in charades.

Dr. Jill, let's pick teams.

- Oh. Move.

Need the congressman. This is time-sensitive.

- Hey, jen, I didn't know you were here.

You want to be governor of indiana?

- What?

- Colquitt's not gonna run again.

It's a rumor for now, but my gut says it's for real.

You're the perfect candidate.

Local hero, state government experience,

Blah-blah-blah- blah-blah-blah-blah.

I mean, the only potential problem

Is that devastatingly nerdy "cones of dunshire" thing.

- Uh, that's a problem?

But it's the ninth-highest selling multiplayer

Figurine-based strategy fantasy sequel game in history.

Please don't bail on me because of what just happened.

Both: So...

- I had a pretty interesting conversation

With janet from the dnc tonight.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

She said that governor colquitt

Might be stepping down,

And the dnc thinks that I should run for governor.

- Oh, god. That...Kind of sucks.

- Really? Why?

- No. I mean, that's--

That's amazing.

It's just, jen barkley kind of approached me about running.

- Oh! Oh.

Well, I mean, obviously...

- Right. Yeah, no, no.

I mean, obviously...

- Yeah, I mean, obviously...

Okay, pros of you running for governor:

You would be a great governor,

We could make pawnee our home base,

Kids could go to school in pawnee,

And it would be a huge career move for you.

The pros of me running for governor are the same thing.

It's the same list. - Right.

- The only con of you running would be

That I don't get to run and vice versa.

- Good. So we've solved it.

- [groans] ugh. Look.

We're going back to pawnee in a week.

Why don't we just talk about it after that?

- Good idea.

Hey, maybe we can drop by the old stomping ground,

See how the parks department has changed.

- I love it.

Okay, are you ready?

- No, but we don't have a choice, do we?

- [sighs]

Kids, dinner!

- Hey, I'm gonna eat in my room because I have to study.

- Can we go to bobby's house to watch the game?

- Hey, dude, stop.

- Okay, don't forget to... - That's mine.

- Bye. - Okay, get your ice skates!

Bye, dad. - Just--okay.

Bye. [door closes]

Want some broccoli? - Ugh, no.

You know, now that I'm here,

It's giving me an idea about this governor thing.

Maybe we need fresh eyes, you know,

Other people to weigh in.

We should talk to ron or tom or April or donna or andy even.

Sometimes he can be wise. - Oh, good idea.

Let's call them.

Or you know what else we could do?

Just talk to them in person.

All: Hey!

- Surprise!

- Oh, wow.

- It's what you wanted, right,

Everyone in the same room at same time?

- I can't believe you.

We're all here together in the same room...

In this room.

I don't think I could be happier right now.

- Want to bet?

- Hi. - Oh, ann's here!

Ann. Ann's here!

- Hi! - Oh!

- Hey. - Hey, buddy.

- How you doing? - Oh, good.

- You guys, ann's here. - Aww.

- Should we move away from here? - Yeah, yeah.

This could go on for some time. - Ohh!

- Your hair looks amazing, by the way.

You look like a cartoon princess.

- Oh, thank you!

- I took some of those,

But I don't know, they didn't do anything,

And they kind of upset my stomach.

- No, no, no. You're supposed to crack them

And leave them on your hair overnight, not eat them.

- Oh, no.

Well, it's confusing 'cause they're delicious.

- Because my first book was such a smash,

I had to come up with a new angle for the follow-up.

Then it hit me... Failure 2.0: Failing to fail.

- Love it. - How's everything?

You properly treating yourself out there in seattle?

- In a manner of speaking.

Joe and I spend most of our time on the foundation.

- [sighs] I can't believe you went nonprofit.

I mean, I love you.

You're one of my best friends,

But you have betrayed me and everything we stand for.

You've changed. - Maybe you're right.

By the way, what time is it?

Oh, it looks like it's half past spla-dow!

Both: What?

- I take it all back.

That's a lot of diamonds.

Give me, give me, give me, give me, give me!

- Hey, oliver. Hey, leslie.

Hello, ann. - Hi, April.

- Your kids are, like, surprisingly awesome.

- Thank you.

- Did you use an egg donor

Or give chris a hall pass for a night?

- Once again, they are my biological children.

- Once again, I don't believe you.

- Ann, you rainbow-infused space unicorn.

Ann, you beautiful, sassy mannequin come to life.

Ann, you opalescent tree shark.

- Leslie, you are the master of the metaphor.

- Oh.

- I recently compared her to a nutrient-rich chia seed.

- What's that thing on your wrist?

- Oh!

[electronic tones]

- You are extremely healthy.

- I do that literally 50 times a day.

- Aren't you afraid that thing might give you cancer?

- Well, I am now.

- Well, there he is.

Chip traeger, you old son of a gun.

- Andy, it's chris.

- Is it?

Ha! Huh.

- Hello, jack. Ron swanson.

Strong handshake.

Well done, you two. - Thank you.

- So are you gonna have another one?

- Um...

- [gasps]

- Shh. - Shh.

'cause-- 'cause he's sleeping?

How can you tell?

- Oh, it's a common misconception

That the oculus holds all of the power.

It's actually the lamplighter.

- Ann! Oh, my god! It's happening.

It's totally happening. Our kids are falling in love.

- This is good. Okay, remember.

- Yeah, right, good call.

Hey!

- Leslie, no. - Oh.

Who cares?

- Ann arbor, michigan, is literally the greatest city

That I have ever lived in,

But pawnee is better, so we're moving back.

- That's great. - Yeah.

I'm gonna run admissions at indiana.

I'm trading wolverines for hoosiers.

- Well, you're getting the better end of that deal.

Tom!

I took the quiz in your book about what kind of person I am.

I'm a "ron."

- Ha! I'm usually a "tom,"

But sometimes I'm a "donna."

- Last time I took it, I was a "tom."

- What? No.

No, no, no!

Take it again!

I got to go recalibrate the quiz.

- ♪ things I really want to do ♪

- So did anyone have any insights

On our "running for governor" situation?

- I've been so busy catching up with everyone,

I haven't had a chance to ask them.

- Yeah, me neither. - Okay, here's what I think.

I hate when we're on opposite sides.

It stinks.

Plus, if one of us runs, it doesn't mean we're gonna win.

- Right, and it's not like this is the only career option

For either of us.

So all that matters is that we are good.

- Right, which is why I have an idea.

I think we should flip a coin. I mean it.

Let's literally flip a coin, because whoever runs

Is gonna do a great job, and whoever doesn't run

Is gonna be right alongside the other one,

Offering advice and support and whatever they need.

So it doesn't matter.

So let's flip a coin.

- Okay, you, leslie knope,

The queen of planning and binders and pro-and-con lists,

You want to leave this to chance?

- Yes, because whatever's next, you and I are in it together.

So let's go tell everybody, and they can participate,

Will eventually make its way into the smithsonian.

Okay, everybody, gather around.

First of all, I just have to say that all of you in the same room

At the same time with your children here,

It's like it's the greatest thing

That's ever happened in the history of america.

And secondly, ben and I have an announcement.

- Leslie's running for governor of indiana.

All: What?

- Bully for you, knope.

- That's amazing.

- Yeah, she got approached by the dnc,

Indiana native, supremely qualified,

And she wrote that she wanted to be governor

In her kindergarten dream journal.

Just makes sense.

- So I'm running for governor.

All: Yeah!

- Ben is gonna be running my campaign

Because he's a super genius,

And he's got a tight, compact, little body

Like an italian sports car.

But right now I'd like to make a toast.

When we worked here together,

We fought, scratched, and clawed

To make people's lives a tiny bit better.

That's what public service is all about--

Small, incremental change every day.

Teddy roosevelt once said,

"far and away, the best prize that life has to offer

Is a chance to work hard at work worth doing."

And I would add that what makes work worth doing

Is getting to do it with people that you love.

I started my career more than 30 years ago

In the parks and recreation department

Right here in pawnee, indiana.

I've had a lot of different jobs

Including two terms as your governor,

And soon a new, unknown challenge awaits me,

Which to me, even now, is thrilling

Because I love the work.

Not to say that public service isn't sexy,

Because it definitely is,

But that's not why we do it.

We do it because we get the chance

To work hard at work worth doing...

Alongside a team of people we love.

So I thank those people who've walked with me,

And I thank you for this honor.

Now, go find your team, and get to work.

[applause]

- In addition to governor knope's honorary doctorate

From the school of public policy,

In recognition of all she's done for the people of indiana,

The campus library will henceforth bear her name.

[applause]

- [under breath] a [bleep] library?

- Yeah, that should do it. The swing is fixed.

- Yeah! - All right.

- Well, there you have it, sir.

Another problem solved by the hard work

Of dedicated public servants.

- Okay, great.

Bye.

- Yeah, that's about right.

Okay, well...

- [sighs]

Hang on.

Gayle made me promise

To get a quick picture just for old times' sake.

- Good idea. Garry had a good idea.

- Oh, the lighting's all wrong.

I'm gonna send you a glamour shot.

- I'm not gonna show up in that picture anyway

Because I'm a vampire.

- Hey, babe, for this picture, should I be burt macklin,

Johnny karate, or my new character,

Sergeant thunderfist, md?

- Where did you get that?

- I found it in the sandbox.

- Ew!

- Go macklin.

Macklin's the hottest. - Get on with it.

I can't hold this smile forever. I look ridiculous.

- Okay, hang on. Okay.

[camera beeping]

- You ready, babe?

- Yes.

I'm ready.

[end of the line by traveling wilburys]

- ♪ well it's all right ♪

♪ riding around in the breeze ♪

♪ well it's all right ♪

♪ if you live the life you please ♪

♪ well it's all right ♪ [laughter]

♪ well it's all right ♪

♪ as long as you lend a hand ♪

[laughter]

♪ ♪

- That is a series wrap on parks and recreation.