Original subtitles

Ron!

Hello, Andy.

It's quiet in here.

Where is everyone?

The government is shut down.

It's in every newspaper.

How long is it

going to last?

Well, if we're lucky,

this building will

be empty for months.

Wow. That is

really bad timing.

I just got this

super sweet-ass

rad crotch rocket.

I've always wanted

one of these.

But due to, you know,

never having a job,

I couldn't

afford it until now.

Got a really good

deal on my lease.

Paying 12% interest.

It's, like, one of

the highest you can get.

Hey, so I've been

trying like crazy

to get a hold of April.

If you see her,

will you tell her I really

need to talk to her?

You got it.

All right. Thanks, Ron.

Uh-oh!

Nailed it.

All I can tell you

is that all

the parks are closed

until further notice.

Look, no one is

more upset about this

than I am.

Not like it's

a competition

or anything.

Because if it was,

I would win. But that's

neither here nor there.

The point is I would win.

How long will

they be closed?

Could be forever.

With the government

shut down,

who is going to

stop Al-Qaeda?

One thing at a time.

School is out

in two weeks.

What am I going to do

with my kids all day?

Keep them in my house?

Where I live?

I don't know

what to tell you.

What about the kids'

concert tomorrow

at Ramsett Park?

The Freddy Spaghetti concert.

Freddy Spaghetti

has been canceled.

Well, sit down

and tell me exactly

what has happened.

Every year,

we kick off the summer

with a children's

concert series.

And this year,

the concert has been canceled

due to the shutdown.

It's terrible,

and we need to fix it.

All right. Great.

I'm very glad that

you agree with me,

but I actually

worked really hard

on my argument.

Is there any way I can

still kind of... Yeah?

I'd love to hear it.

Oh, good. Thank you.

You're wrong. Are you crazy?

Can you put a price tag

on a child's smile?

Leslie Knope.

What a surprise.

The government has

been shut for two days,

and one city employee

has tried to schedule

14 meetings with me.

Can you guess who?

Ben?

There was a big concert.

Now, there's not.

Isn't there anything

that we can do about that?

No, there isn't.

That's too bad.

Sorry, Leslie. Damn!

I have to go

run 10 miles.

I have run

10 miles a day

every day for 18 years.

That's 65,000 miles.

A third of the way

to the moon.

My goal is to

run to the moon.

Ben,

let's talk solutions.

Leslie, Pawnee is broke.

There's no money

for a concert. Okay?

I mean, Idaho cut

their Parks Department

by 80%,

and Idaho is basically

one giant park.

I've said it before,

and I'll say it again, Ben.

Pawnee is better

than Idaho.

No, Pawnee is

not special. Okay?

Your department,

all the way down here,

is not a priority.

And frankly, you're not

even supposed to be in

the building, Leslie.

You're non-essential.

That is not your call.

I know,

it's on your badge.

This? This isn't me.

Ann Perkins.

Chris something.

Hi. I was just doing my

daily lunchtime 10 miles

and I ran by the hospital,

and I thought I'd

pop up and say hi.

Did you just

start your run?

No, I'm already

at mile nine.

But you're not

sweating at all.

I know.

I have a resting heart rate

of 28 beats per minute.

The scientist

who studied me

said that my heart

could pump jet fuel

up into an airplane.

I'd love to go out

on a date with you.

I think you might

find me attractive

because you got

drunk and kissed me

when we first met.

And no pressure,

but I do have tonight open.

I am so sorry.

I'm really busy right now.

No problem.

I will try again soon.

Ann Perkins.

That's the guy who likes you,

that you're not into.

Yeah.

And which part of him

are you not looking at?

Traditionally, when I end

a long-term relationship,

I'm a little fragile,

and I have a tendency

to do some reckless things.

So I need to stay

away from Chris.

I can't stand this

government shutdown.

I can't stand

this budget crisis.

But what I can't stand

is they're canceling

Freddy Spaghetti.

You know everything.

What should I do about this?

I don't know, Leslie.

Why don't you see

a movie or go shopping?

Wait a minute.

What are you doing?

What's happening?

You know,

they offered me a buyout,

and I took it.

And so now, I work

for Norton Construction.

Sorry.

I know I shouldn't

have done that.

It's okay.

How could you quit?

You know, not everyone

has your enthusiasm

for this work.

You know, I guess I've been

mispronouncing your name

all these years.

Mark Brendana-quitz.

Recently, I had been

thinking about maybe

leaving this job.

But I felt like

I needed a sign.

And then Ann broke up

with me the week that

I was going to propose,

the government

got shut down,

and yesterday

one of those pigeons

took a on me.

And I was indoors. So...

What are you doing here?

Hey, sorry.

I need your help.

Is this a bad time?

Lucy is here.

I'm in my sexy pajamas.

I just took four Benadryls

to dull my sensitivity.

Yes, it is a bad time.

You're about to have sex.

Why else would Boyz Il Men's

On Bended Knee be

playing right now?

Okay. I just want to

give you a little advice,

which is don't make

it last really long.

Ladies don't like that.

Okay. Great.

Okay?

Wait.

Just one more thing.

Are you using protection?

You know what?

I'm just going to stay away

from all guys right now.

Yeah. Less man-time,

more Ann-time.

Yeah.

The only guy that

I care about right now

is six feet tall

with wild, crazy hair

and a ukulele that

doubles as a water gun.

Freddy Spaghetti.

Children's concerts aren't

a priority these days.

You know what is? Sewage.

Pawnee's kids

are less important

than poop tubes.

I don't know.

I mean, what are

you going to do?

That's the way it is.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait.

If all the parks are closed,

why not just have the concert

in the lot behind my house?

Ann, you devious bastard.

Well, the cow goes "moo"

and the pig goes "oink"

Well, I've spent

the last three hours

coming up with a plan.

And I sent up

the Bat-Signal

for all the people in

the Parks Department

to come and join us.

I told them to

be here by 8:00.

Do you think anybody

is going to show up?

A, yes.

B, even if they don't,

we'll just put the

concert on ourselves.

But C, yes.

Yes, they're definitely

going to show up.

Although, D,

maybe not.

I think that you

need to prepare

for the eventuality

that no one...

Hello? Hello?

God bless you,

Jerry Gergich!

Wow. I never thought

I'd hear those words

from you.

Hey.

April is here.

Move, Jerry.

April. I didn't think

you were going to help.

I still might not.

Jerry, how do you feel

about lifting heavy things?

My doctor just

said I should avoid...

Being a wuss?

Yes, I agree.

So, go out there and

get the equipment

out of the truck.

With current and

projected deficits,

we need to cut

expenditures by 32%.

Let's make it an even 40.

That's not necessary.

Slash it. Slash it.

I am an official member

of a task force

dedicated to slashing

the city budget.

Just saying that

gave me a semi.

Right off the bat,

we sell City Hall.

Let somebody turn it

into a large gas station

or a T.J. Maxx.

Ron, that is a very

creative idea.

But we don't want to sell

any of our major assets,

because we don't

want to lose out

on any future

revenue streams.

I hear that. Don't worry.

I have tons more ideas.

Okay, uh...

So sorry. New ring tone.

Don't cut

anything without me.

Leslie?

I don't care if

you hate what we do.

I love it enough

for both of us.

We're going to put on

the Freddy Spaghetti concert

today, 5:00 on Lot 48.

You can't do that.

Watch me.

We're going to do this, Ron.

With or without you.

Hammering away.

Crank it. Hit it.

Needs 16 minutes

for premium bounce.

Oh, hey, after this,

can you go pick up

Freddy Spaghetti

in your Mercedes?

We need to give him

the star treatment.

Hey. Sorry we're late.

I had to wait

on my girlfriend to finish

eating breakfast.

Hi. I'm Lucy.

Hi.

Hey.

We had dinner last night

and breakfast this morning.

What were we doing

in between? Sex stuff.

You guys know

Tom really well,

so I don't have to apologize

for his behavior, right?

Right.

The craziest thing is

it's, like, super loud.

You know what I mean?

I was on it for

only five minutes,

and I can't

really hear anything.

Am I talking loud right now?

Yeah.

April! Hey! Excuse me.

I called you

a gajillion times.

Why didn't you call me back?

I'm so sorry.

I was too busy not

wanting to talk to you.

Huh?

Jerry, what are you doing?

Leslie asked me to post these

around the neighborhood.

I'll do it.

Really? Wow.

Yes.

You want some

help with that?

Okay, let's talk

about Parks and Rec.

This one is

a little complicated.

I know what will

loosen up our brains.

Massage train.

And I know what

you're thinking.

It's not that

I want a massage.

I'll be the caboose.

And Ron Swanson

is the locomotive.

And thanks to Ron,

the services budget

has already been

cut significantly.

So, seems like

the best option

is job cuts.

Starting with Leslie Knope.

No, no, no, no, no.

If you fire Leslie,

you might as well

just get rid of

the department.

Look,

I know how valuable

she is, believe me.

But we've run out

of options.

There are plenty

of other options.

For example,

sell the zoo animals.

Okay. To whom?

Cosmetics labs?

Weird restaurants?

I'm just spit-balling here.

Okay, let's switch it up.

Look, she makes

the second-highest salary

in the department.

It will go a long way.

I'm telling you.

It's just not an option.

Ron, focus up, buddy.

Just give me a sec.

Will you just stop

and listen to me?

No.

Fine. I don't want to

talk to you, anyways.

Reverse psychiatry.

Fine. What?

I like you.

In a, you know,

romantical kind of way.

You do?

Yes.

Do you

like me?

Yes.

So, then perhaps,

shall we go out

this evening?

No.

I don't think

we should see each other.

Damn it.

Because you're 21

and I'm 29?

No. I don't care

about that.

It's because whenever

I see you talk to Ann

or talk about Ann,

I feel like you still

have feelings for her.

What?

No, I don't.

But I don't.

Really, I don't.

Well, I think you do.

So...

That's a problem for me.

Because of my

libertarian beliefs,

Leslie does 95% of the work.

So you should lay me off.

I'd be proud

to be a casualty

in this righteous war.

It's precisely

because of your beliefs

that we need to keep you.

You would maintain

fiscal responsibility

after we're gone.

I strenuously object.

Okay. Well, Ron,

we're moving on.

Every department is

losing a Leslie Knope.

No, Ben, they are not.

No other department

has one to begin with.

Right now,

she's single-handedly

putting up

some lousy concert

for this city's kids.

She's doing what?

Could someone else

massage my shoulders?

Wow. Looking good.

Yeah. I mean,

I wish we had built one

of those elevators

that comes up

from under the stage,

you know?

They're coming!

Like a rock arena

kind of thing?

They're coming!

What?

They're coming.

What's up? What?

Who? The Russians?

No, the state auditors.

I accidentally told them

what you were doing

in an attempt to save

some government jobs.

It's been a very

strange day for me.

Okay. Everybody,

be cool. Just be cool.

Hey!

Hey!

All right.

Everybody! Everybody!

Hey. Ann Perkins. Hi.

Hi.

Everyone.

You are all super amazing.

You are what

makes Pawnee great,

and I just want to

tell you that I am

totally supportive

of your inspiring

efforts here today!

All right.

Yeah.

Now, my partner Ben

wants to say something.

Yeah, we're shutting

this down.

What?

Damn!

That's terrible news!

Surely, there has to

be a solution, Ben.

No.

Ben says no.

I'm sorry, everyone.

The concert is

canceled, everybody.

No. Here's the thing,

though, Ben.

It's not canceled.

We're putting it on. Okay?

Because the stage

is already built.

Everything was

donated for free

by local vendors.

Everyone here believes

that what we're doing

is essential.

Freddy Spaghetti will sing.

Actually, Leslie,

I just found out.

Freddy Spaghetti

ain't coming.

Freddy Spaghetti

may not sing.

But something much cooler

is going to happen.

I think. Ann?

Okay.

Good job.

You should hydrate.

When we canceled on him,

he took another

gig in Eagleton.

At a library.

That's literally

the worst place

I can imagine.

Okay. Guys?

We're not giving up on this.

He's not the only

musician in town.

Andy.

I don't know, Leslie.

I don't really feel

like playing right now.

Andy, please.

Please, please,

please, please, please.

I don't even have

children's songs.

My last song I wrote

was called Sex Hair.

Well,

just take the word "sex"

and change it to "pickle."

Pickle?

You got pickle hair, baby

And you got it from me

Yeah.

Still sounds

like it's about sex.

I'm in. I've got

to grab my guitar

from my house.

I'll be back shortly!

Yeah!

See, guys?

We have a solution.

And the good news is

there's always a solution

if your motives are pure,

and your cause is just.

There's nothing...

Ow! My arm!

You have two broken bones

in your right arm,

and four in your hand.

That's the side that hurts.

How soon

until he's better?

We'll set the fractures,

and I'd like to keep him

overnight for observation.

Is there any chance

you can fix me in

the next 10 minutes?

Sure, I'll just advance

medical science 30 years.

Great.

Can Mouse Rat

play without you?

They tried once.

They're called Rat Mouse,

and they're awful.

But you have got

to find somebody.

There's an old

saying in show business.

"The show must go wrong."

Everything always goes wrong,

and you just have

to deal with it.

Hello, Pawnee.

I'm Renata Ricotta.

Freddy Spaghetti

couldn't make it today.

He bumped his noodle.

There was sauce everywhere.

It was just streaming

out of his face.

It was really scary.

All right.

If you're happy

and you know it

Clap your hands

If you're happy

and you know it

Clap your hands

Hey, kids!

It's me, Freddy Spaghetti!

Hey, I thought you

were playing in Eagleton.

All I know is

this guy showed up

and made me

a much better offer.

I am all about

the money, babe.

She cooked

an itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie

yellow polka dot linguine

That she made for

the first time that day

Thank you very much.

Ron Corleone.

This really attractive woman

is my girlfriend, Lucy.

Hello, Lucy. Whoa!

Hi.

Impressive handshake.

Thanks.

My father told me

that a limp handshake

was for weak men

and Communists.

He hated both.

Well done, Tommy.

Is that bacon on

your turkey leg?

They call it a Swanson.

Wow.

I brought you your favorite.

Every color of Jell-O.

The Jell-O rainbow.

Thank you.

Injured Andy.

It's kind of

like old times, huh?

Yeah.

I almost expect you

to call me A-Cakes.

A-Cakes.

Well, I'm glad

you're okay.

Oh, my God. I'm...

I'm so sorry.

I should not...

I'm sorry.

That was not...

Spaghetti.

Spaghetti.

Fusilli.

Fusilli.

Egg noodles.

Why did you do this?

Well, I'm not a monster.

I want the kids to

have their concert.

Mean Ben has a soft spot.

Is that what

you guys call me?

No. No, no, no.

Mean Ben?

Look, this is really

great today,

but there's going

to be a lot of pain

ahead, Leslie.

We have to cut

32% of the...

Just...

Can you just stop it?

Okay?

Just for one moment,

enjoy the fact that

you provided a service

for people, not a cut.

A service.

And they love it.

Macaroni.

The biggest service

was getting you

to stop singing.

Linguine.

Tetrazzini.

Tetrazzini.

Hey.

April.

I just heard.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Listen, what I said

this afternoon was stupid.

Okay? I totally want

to go out with you.

Good.

I want to be with you.

That was nice.

That... Yeah.

Here's just one thing,

real quick.

I want to be totally

honest with you, because

I like you so much.

Okay.

But, like,

two minutes ago,

me and Ann did kiss.

What?

But here's...

No, no, no, no.

It was crazy.

She kissed me.

Okay, bye.

Wait, where are you going?

Bye.

No, no, no, no, no! Hey!

Bye.

April. April!

Bye!

Dude, don't even

think about kissing me.

And what was your

favorite song, Chelsea?

Penne and the Jets.

Me, too!

Thank you all so much.

With all the parks closed,

we've been going crazy.

It's our pleasure.

Come on.

You guys are the best,

most important people

in the most

important government

in the best city

in the world.

Suck it, Paris, France.

Well, I would say

see you tomorrow, but...

Great job.

Good work, Leslie.

Bye.

See you.

Bye.

See you soon, I hope.

I liked this a lot better

when it was a pit.

Is that weird?

I'm sorry I called

you Mark Brendana-quitz.

Don't ever apologize to me.

I'm serious.

If everyone in government

were like you,

then I would probably

still work there.

I got you

a going-away present.

You did?

Mmm-hmm.

Here. Red tape.

So you'll never

forget your roots.

That's really nice of you.

Yeah.

Well, I have

something for you, too.

You do?

I sort of threw

together some plans

for a future park.

I couldn't fit everything

in that you wanted.

Like the roller coaster

or the shark tank.

But I think it's

a pretty good start.

Thank you.

You're really welcome.

But, you know,

Pawnee's bankrupt.

I doubt I'll get to build

a park anytime soon.

I wouldn't bet

against you.

See you around.

Mmm-hmm.

Morning.

Hi, what are you

doing here?

Ron made me the official

Parks and Rec representative

for the budget discussions.

That's only

supposed to be...

Essential personnel?

Yeah.

So, shall we get started?

I have so many ideas.

Is this

an autographed picture

of Jamie Foxx?

There it is. Thank God.

So how long is this

shutdown going to last?

No idea. I might

have to get a temp job.

Maybe I should start

working on my cologne line.

Uh-oh. Check it out.

Whenever Ron has sex,

the next morning,

he comes in dressed

like Tiger Woods.

You all set?

Oh, God.

What?

Who is that?

That is my ex-wife.